Part 2. FHE OMAHA DAILY I L
EE. Pages 9 to 12 ,
T
r
WJENTVXFIKST YEA ] ? . OMAHA. SATURDAY AUGUST 15 , 1S91--TWELVE PAGES. iNUMREU 58.
Tin ; a it. i i'i : . t .v/ > . i r.v vnusK.
Mn re boll--A I trim rat Inn.
The following pootn by Kdmund Clarcnco
Btcftdmuti appears in llio August Atlantic.
It evidently refers to tno Into Lawrence Bar
rett.
"Ornnt him , " I said , "n well earned naino ,
The statro's knight , the keen essayer
Of parts whence till save greatness c.imo ,
Hut not n player.
"Strnnpe. ns of fato's pcrvcrscncfB , this
Promi , eager toul , this line ttruttg erca
tu re ,
Should srem forever Just to miss
Tlmt luuch of nature ;
"Tho Instinct slio so lightly gives
Some foilow'st his rivals snarling.
Homo churl who gains the Hoards , and lives
Transformed her darling I"
"You thlnlt ? " ho "
so replied "Woll , I
Thought likewise , muugro Lanclolto ,
And Yorli'K- though his Cnsslus nigh
Won Hnmlol'H motto.
"Hut would you learn , as I. his clew
To nature's heart , and Judge him fairly
Go MO his rustic bard , go view
Ills Man o'AIHIe.
"SoJ that defenseless minstrel brought
i'Yom liopu to wan dlspair. from laughter
To frenzy's moiin : the Imugo wrought
Wliriiauntyou after.
'Th MI see him crowned at last I If'such
A guerdon waits the stricken poet ,
Tw-'t-o well ' I/ear much
- , you'll own , to / us
l-vnn iHn. tn knnw It. "
"IJnvoV "led I"I , too , the thrill
Must Icel , which tum your blood can
waken. "
And once I saw upon the bill
That part retaken ;
JJut leagues of travel stretched between
Mo and that idyl played so rarely :
And then his death ! nor nad 1 HLCII
"Tho Man o'Airlio. "
My failure , not tno aetor's , loved
liy all to art mul nature loyal ;
Not Ills , whom llarbcll'H passion proved
Of thu blood royal.
J. II. t'i-fstiin In A"it2 ; < * icM' H'a-litii'jtnn.
Amid the busy multitude moves she ,
A ( jucen uncrowned , a saint In earthly guise ,
With In the clear depths of her shilling
eyes
And on her pallid face a radiancy
That seems reflected from the crystal sea
Which stretches 'twlxt our souls and Para-
disc.
Some nay that In her heart a sorrow lies
Which contradicts her sweet Irunquility ,
A victor , no symbolic palm she bears ;
Upon her fiico hertriumph's sign she wears
A peace thatshnwcth all her stainless soul.
Enthroned in hearts of urring and of good ,
Shu reigns in royalty of womanhood ,
Yet round her head ihcro shines no aureole !
UndciI'illionltiRS. .
Siiinei rl'/e ' / Journal.
In the hammock she is swinging
'Hound about mosquitoes winging
Fill the evening air ;
While her lover o'or her bending ,
To propose Is now Intending ,
Hear his ardent prayer :
"Oh , my ( slap ! ) love , I adore youl
Hero ( sl ( . ) I bow down before you
( Slap ! ) on bended knee.
Toll me , dear ( slap ! ) , that you love mo
13end your head ( slap ! slap ! ) above mo
( That time I got three ! ) "
And the maiden , softly sighing ,
To his ardor thus replying.
Says in loader tone :
" 1 must own ( ship ! ) that I ( slap ! ) love
You all other men n- ( slap ! ) bevel
( That ono hud a bone ! ) "
Sweet lovo's dream Is when two youthful
Hearts exchange fond words and truthful
Vows ot constant trust.
Eycn mosquitoes eiin't restrain them.
Kapld blows whew I how they ruin them !
Make them bite the dust.
\ \ c n.I tin : \Vorlil.
A * .on HVi'erm in.
The world is the same as It used to no ,
Hut there have come changes to you and mo.
There is ] us > t as much right and as little of
wrong.
There is just ns much summer and sunshine
and song.
But wo oti , wo look through our tears and
our care ,
And wo fancy the Holds fire all cheerless and
bare ,
Andwosny of the picture , "llow sadly de
ranged1' !
Hut It Isn't at all , it is wo who have
changed.
The birds sing as swectly.nnd brooks as they
How
Are babbling the songs of the glad long ago.
The butterflies dance in the meadow today ,
And the children are laughing about in the
hay.
Our cars have grown dull and bcdlmmod is
the eye ,
And wo miss all the beauty of earth and ot
sky.
Wonrushutln ourselves ; were wo not wo
could see
That the world Is the snran as it used to bo.
The Mint ; of the Thrush.
C. / ' . i'liineh In .tit-jiul St. A'tclmln * ,
"Ah , will vou , will you1 sings the thrush ,
Deep In his shady cover ,
"Ah , will you , will \ou live with me ,
And bo my friend and lover !
"With woodland scents and sounds all day ,
And music wo will 1111 you.
For concerts wo will charge no fee.
Ah , will you will you will youi"
Iknr hidden olrd , oft I've heard
Your pleasant Invitation ;
And sciuchi-d for vou amid your boughs
With fruitless observation.
Tea near and yet too far you seem
For mortals to discover.
You call me , yet I cannot come ,
And am you. ' hapless lover.
I.lko all that is too Bwcot and fair ,
I never may come near you.
Your sonus till all ttio summer air ;
i louly sit aud hear you.
Tlio Starry Hour ,
Illrhui > S/m / dini ; tn tlie Century ,
The countless stars which la our human eye
Are llxeu and steadfast , each in proper
place ,
Forever bound to clmugclcsa points In
spacn.
Hush with our sun and planets through Iho
sky ,
And llko a Heck of birds still onward fly ;
Kcturnlng never wUenco oegan their race.
They bpeed ihelr ceaseless way with gleam
ingfuco ,
As though God bade them win Inlliillv.
Ah , whither , whither Is their forward flight
Through cudloss time and llmltlcm ox *
WmiiMil
hit power with unlmaglnublo might
First whirled them forth lo spin In tireless
dance !
What beauty lures them on through primal
night ,
So that , for them , to bo is to advance I
Miller.
Ice built , Ice bound and ica bounded ,
Such cold seas of sllcucol such room 1
Such snow light , Mich sea light , confouudod
With thunders Hint smite llko u doom I
Such grandeur ! such glory , such gloom !
Hear that boom I hear that deep distant
boom
Of an uvula < che hurled
Down this iinllnished world.
Ice sras ! and tea summits ! Ice spaces ,
In bplcmior of white , in God's throne !
Ice worlds to the | > olu ! and Ice places ,
/ Jntrackcd and unnamed and utiKiiownt
Hour Unit boom l Hour thu grinding , the
groan
Of the Ice gods In palu I Hour the moan
Of yon Ice mountain hurled
Down tub uullnlshcil world I
TALES OF LAND AND SEA.
A Tmsoily ol the Son.
.V. ymiil ( n .Vein YitrH H'orM.
Tlio 8tH of September , lSO.V > t 7 o'clock
In the morning , in the Capo of Good
Hope , bearing almost duo cast , mid 700
inllos uway , wo sighted a ship doid :
ahead. I wan second iniito of the Kng-
llsli brig Lord Clibo , and wo were
bound from Australia to Liverpool with
wool.
It WHS my watch which you must
know i * the port or captain's watch
uiid wo were within two miles of the
stranger when the morning mint cleared
and wo sighted her. She was u small ,
square-rigged vessel , driving along oil
before IDo westerly wind , and she did
not show u square foot of canvas on any
of her masts. I took the glass and wont
aloft , and my wonderment Increased.
Tlioro wis : ono mini aboard of her. but
only ono as far as I could see. IIo was
pacing the quarterdeck , and had his
face turned towards us. There was no
signal of distress Hying , and yet it was
plain onouirh Unit something was wrong
there.
I descended after a long look , and just
then the captain caino on deck. Wo had
about a llvo knot breeze , and w.i were
not | eng in overhauling the stronger.
Her wheel was lashed , and as wo oamo
upon her starboard quarter wo still
failed to make out more than ono 111:111. :
\Vo were near enough to see that ho wis
u Portuguese , and evidently ono of the
crew. The name of the ship was the
Three Brothers , and she hailed from tlu
Capo.Vo all immediately romombjrod
so3ing her at Sidney , and of her having
loft two weeks befora wo did. She was
loaded with wool to bo taken on at the
Capo by liners coming down from India.
Our captain hailed as wo swept by her ,
but the sailor waved his hand to sig
nify that nothing was wanted.
"Tlioro is somc'tning very queer
there , " said the captain as wo got clear
of nor , "and I propose to investigate. "
Wo looked up a couple of points to bo
clear of her and throw the brig into the
wind. I was ordered to take two men
and pull oil' to the stranger , which was
drifting along at the rate of about two
miles an hour.ro had a boat down
and were oil' in a minute , and in another
ten would have boon up with her had not
something Happened. The Portuguese
stood looking at us for half a mimito as
wo approached. Then ho disappeared
and 1 suddenly caugiit siirht of u mus
ket-barrel over the rail. I was wonder
ing if my eyes deceived mo , when the
villian lircd and one of my men pitched
forward on his face , s-hot through the
back and breathing his last within live
minutes. The bailer then stood up and
warned us by gestures to keep away or
ho'd servo out another , and you may
guess that wo lost no time in returning
to the brig.
What hud occurred only deepened the
mystery. There was u ship , evidently
in the best condition , but without a gail
sot and in charge of only ono man. In
stead of pursuing her yoyago she was
drifting like a log. If in distress , she
showed no signal and ono of our men
had just been murdered when wo were
on the way to oiler our services. It was
a pretty tough nut to crack , but our cap
tain was determined to lind the kernel.
Wo hauled back on our course and
a train overtook the ship and this time
we ran down so close to nor that ono
could have pitched his cap aboard.
Ivery man of us was looking , but wo
saw only that Portugese sailor. Ho liad
live or six muskets piled up on the cabin
skylight and ho turned his back on us
as wo swept pant. The decks were clear
and in perfect order and the sails had
been neatly stowed and furled.
"What's" mattori1 What has hap
pened ? What do you want ? ' '
So our captain shouted at the manvbut
he paid not the slightest heed. Wo ran
ahead of her about a mile and then lulled
tip again , and ns the ship came drifting
down the captain sa'd :
"There's baen some awful doings
aboard yonder craft. It hasn't boon
mutiny , because thoro'd bo more men
about , but I'm thinking that man has
somehow tmtdo way with every other
soul ! It's our duty to solve the mystery
if we can , but wo don't wan't any more
murders. Mr. Piper , you will pull on"
to him again mid try and got aboard.
Take a musket with you , and if ho lires
at you try and kill him ! "
I wont oil with two other menholding
the boat across the corn-no of the drifting
ship. When she was within musket
shot the Portuguese began blazing away.
I cou.d only see the top of his head
above the rail , as the ship hud high
bulwarks , and I don't suppose my bullet
oven whistled in his ear. IIo had a ter
rible advantage of us , but 1 had deter
mined to maUo a dash and board him
when his third shot struck one of my
men in the arm and crippled him for
life , and > vithln tlftcen seconds ho llrcd
again and knocked my hat olT my head.
There was intense oxrltomont aboard
the brig when wo pulled back. Every
man of us now felt.that the Portuguese
was the solo survivor of some awful
tragedy and that he meant to light to
the death to keep us from boarding the
ship. Wo were more than full handed
on the brlir. there boiiiL' four men who
hail paid the captain a few dollars each
mid were working the balance of their
passage. If wo found the ship without
urow enough to work it wo could take it
In and claim a pretty lump of salvage.
This fact Irid its inliuence onourcip-
tain , no doubt , thougli I buliovo lie
would have stood by it until the mys
tery was solved to satisfy his own curi
osity. It was now decided to send out
two boats , and after rummaging around
wo armed ourselves with three old mus-
iota and u revolver nil the firearms the
jrig could boast of. The llrt > t mate took
ono ooat with three men in it. and I
oik thu other with an equal number.
Wo planned to menace him , eo that ho
would full into confiibion , and wo lay on
our oar * and let the ship drift down tn
is. 1 was to hook on to her bowswhile
he Ilrst iniito kojit the sailois busy aft ;
Jilt wo didn't know how much devil
there was in him. IIo divided his stock
) f guns forward and aft , and his 11.-st
jullot killed a man in the mate's boat.
My boat had hooked on to the fore-
chains , and I was thinking wo had a
o'.oar to the deck
way when ho upset a
mil of boiling water over us from the
all , and every ono of us were forced to
oup Into the sea , to case our torments.
The trio of us were terribly scalded , and
INC of the men entirely lost the sight of
lis left oyo.
\Yo lu.I not only made unothut- failure ,
ml here was .another d/xui man and
nore wounded. Our crow was now for
icaring uway and making no further at-
empt to board the stranger , but the
captain cried out that be would stand by
until ho had lost every man nnd his own
life , too , before ho would bo defeated by
n slnglo man. Wo had to furl every
thing to Heap in company with the ship ,
and for three hours the two craft drifted
along almost within musket-shot , Then
wo were ready for another attack. Wo
had constructed three bullet-woof' shel
ters along the port rail , nnd the Idea
was to run down alongside the ship and
shoot the Portuguese as wo passed. Wo
made sail and ran down , but only to Iml !
that the wily villain had himself con
structed u shelter and our bullets could
not reach him. IIo gnvo us three shots
while within range , and , thougli ho lilt
no one , his shooting was uncomfortably
close , and proved that ho was u good
marksman.
There was but ono other way to attack
him and we put that olT until Into In
the afternoon. Wo wanted wind and
sea to go down , and wo had our wish.
Along about 4 o'clock the breeze dropped
almost out of sight , while the hoa was
without a white-cap. Wo had made n ,
heavy grappling iron , and the idea waste
to lay the snip aboard. When nil was
ready wo bore down on her , and this
was a move the Portuguese could no
check-mate. IIo had to remain bchini
his shelter or expose lilnisoll to our bu !
lots. Wo ran alongside , cast otic grapnel
and the two craft drifted side by side. On
captain then gave the .signal , and live
of us made a rush over the ship's rail
In doing so wo were exposed to tin.
sailor's lire , and he shot the carpenlei
through the heart. Ho had time to
lire only once , however , but when the
four of us piled on to him wo found him
almost our match. Had not help coino
I verily believe ho would have gainei
the victory , Ho sroomod endowed will
the strength of a giant , and his fierce
ness was that of a wounded tiger
While ho was being bound ho got i
sailor's linger between his sharp teotl
and oil it clean oil' , and not ono of us
escaped without brultes.
When wo had linally secured our man
wo began the work of clearing up the
mystery. Not a soul could we lint'
'
ab'oard the ship , nor could we at first
account for the absence of the crew.
Then one thing and another was
brought to light to toll us the horrible
story. The had loft Sydney with four
"
teen"men. . Tlio ( lend of a Portuguese
had murdered each and every man by
means of poison in the rum. IIo was
tlio cook. A week out of port she had
mot with heavy weather and boon
obliged to lie to and ride it out. This
was how she came to have overythjng
snug aloft. It was while bho was riding
out tlio gulo that the captain had some
trouble with the cook. Just what it was
on one but tlio Portuguese know. Ho
claimed to have been brutally assaulted
without cause , and to revenge himself
ho poisoned a demijohn of rum kept for
the captain's use , SJtno of this rum ,
ho claimed , was afterwards served out
to all hands without his knowledge , and
the entire crew was thus killed olt' .
What the real facts were could never
be brought out. As wo found no blocd
or other evidences of murder in the or
dinary way , wo had to accept the sail
or's sfitemont about tlio poison. HJ had
dragged every dead man on deck and
thrown him over , and when the gale
ceased the ship had taken her own way
to come about nnd go driving olf. Tlio
villain had no ido.i as to where she
would bring up , nnd ho didn't care so
lonr ns ho was not overhauled.
After a great deal of hard work wo
got both crafts safely to Capo Town ,
and there the wholesale murderer was
tu nod over for trial. IIo told the story
of the poisoning as cool as you please ,
and I shall never forget his statement of
what followed after the liquor was served
out.
"Captain ho fall down and cry out nnd
die ! " explained the ( lend. "Then the
mate ho roll over and scream and go
dead. Then the sailors call to God to ,
save 'em , but all go dead in one half
hour ! "
"Then what ? " was asked.
' Then I laugh tin ! ha ! ha ! and throw'
'em all ovorbo.ird ! Some sink and some
float away ! "
I was present when ho was executed.
During all his trial and imprisonment
ho never expressed the slightest regret
for his awful crime. There was n de
mand that ho be hung alive in chains ,
but of course nothing of the sort could
bo legally dono. Ho walked to the gal
lows with smiling face , bowed to the
crowd gathered to see him die , and
shouted so that all could hoar :
"I kill seventeen men , and you kill
only one ha ! ha ! ha ! "
An Adventure xvltli lloail Agents.
KiJ. ( .1 nut-troll ; ; In Uiicmiwtt Uummcrcliil.
Pour of us a young lady , governess in
in olllcor's family a wealthy merchant ,
middle-aged the company's horso-
sheer , bound for the stables at Denvei
and myself , government assayer and
mineral exporthad loft Santa Fo , N. M. ,
on the Santa Fo & Denver stage , ono
scorching summer afternoon. It was
now about - o'clock in the afternoon.
Wo had just congratulated ourselves on
being safely ont of the most dangerous
passes , and were driving briskly to
wards the Canadian fork.
The full moon lightened our waymak
ing the bushes and trees adjacent east
sharp , decided shadows across the road.
1 hail changed places with the liorso-
sheer on the roof , for the sake of a little
more uir. The "Insldos" were do/ing ,
but I felt wakeful and alert. Wo be
guiled the sultry hours by story-telling.
Suddenly I saw something moving in the
shadows atiead of us.
"What is that ? " I said.
Tlio driver looked , his eyes rounding
like the moon. "Nothing but a burro , "
ho replied , referring to the pack mules
that frequently strayed down the moun
tain sides. It disappeared quickly in
the shade , and from thence , as if by
magic , two men , the polished barrels of
their rifles gleaming in the moonlight ,
sprang into the road. They were lingo
slouched bombroros and army cloaks.
The stoutest of the pair caught the
bridles of the loaders ; the other , cover
ing us with his Winchester , roared :
"Stir a linger an1 yor dead men ! " Ad
vancing closer , and keeping us within
range of his uuilu , tie shouted :
"Pitch out the treasure box , quick !
We're in a hurry ! "
The driver began to stammer a reply ,
but I stopped him with a muttered
"Shut up ! Lot me talk to those chaps !
There's no treasure aboard tonight ! "
I said this coolly , at I ho same time
swaying my body to and fro to got out of
the range of the mur/.le ; the man was
evidently very determined as well as
very near. Ah I intended ho should , ho
took mo for an express messenger , and
as neither driver nor messenger is sup
posed to pcbsoss any valuables they are
seldom molested , ' * *
"None o' yor nonsense ! " replied the
bandit. ' Hand out the treasure or yo'll
bee trouble , blast yor ! "
The scoundrel at the reins , who hoi
tils rlflo pointed ntino' from between the
horses' heads , ovldoiHly enjoyed my en
deavor to got out'of range , for ho
squeaked in a high , falsetto voice : "Does
them bur'ls look ? " " "
big "Yes , I said
echoing the old joke'current among the
minors , "yes , I can read nil the adver
tisements on the wadding. ' ' IIo gave a
hoarse chuckle. "Ily'ar , hy'ar ; heave
out thcr specie box ! " roared the rulllai
with the Winchester. I.Insisted there
win none. "Hero , look at the way-bill
If thoro's any such thing aboard It wil ]
bo among the Items , " and I made a mo
tion to got down , " holding it in my hand.
"Stay whore yor are , or I'll shoot'yoi
d n headotrr
I throw him the way bill. IIo drop
ped Ills rifle , and picking It up. looked
it over in the moonlight. Profiting by
this action , I undertook to slip my pock-
ctbook into my boot , and moved un
hand round to gut at the pocket. The
driver mistaking the movement , whis
pered , "Have you got ono ? " The man
at the horses' bend noticed our little
conference , and veiled at us. Tlio other
instantly leveled bin gun straight at my
head : "None o' that ! Hands up ! "
" \Vo throw up our hands nnd he ngain
turned to the way bill. I did manage ,
though , to slip my money into my boot.
"You see tluro s no mention made of
the tteiibitro , and it was sent , it would
bo noticed on the bill. How-
over , yon can got up and look in the box
and satisfy yourself. "
He hesitated a moment , then climbed
up , rille in hand , nnd looked in the box ;
in doing so ho kicked my valise. ( As a
government expert , I vis : well known to
the bankers of Santa Fo. They never
hesitated to trust mo with largo amounts
of money , and this trip was no excep
tion , having with mo nearly $15,01)0 ) in
gold , secured partly in an inner belt
around my waist , partly by a fnlso bottom
tom improvised in my valise by
gumming strong wrapping paper
over the precious parcels , an
inner lining of the bag. ) "Open this
hy'ar grip1 ! cried the road agents. I
did so , carefully taking out the contents
and letting him look inside ; the wrap
ping paper decoived'hiin.
"Naw , " ho growled , "tliar's no treas
ure on this stage , but we've sworn tor
have two hundred tonight' an' of wo
don't fin' it in yor treasure box wo
mouglil I'm' it in yor baggage. Who's
inside ? "
"Two men and a huly. None of them
rich ; one of them is.tho hotveshoer , go
ing to Denver to shoo the company
horses. "
"We'll look at 'cm. Whatever hap
pens , don't yor move on yor life. Wo
may find the cash on them , ur in the
baggage. "
The "insido" appeared to be stooping.
The man rattled the door and roused
them out to be searched. They obeyed ,
apparently half asleop. IIo placed them
in a row. "Hands up ! " ho said. "Now
fur yor pockets ! " The horseshocr had
but'$2 in silver ; the merchants purse
showed only a ten and a few small bills ,
and the young lady's nothing but her
papers and a little change. The poor
girl looked as if about to faint.
"You're an ornary Crowd tor have so
'
little with yor , " ho'etmrled , "nn' I've a
good mind tor sundyar all tor blazes this
cussed night. Twobundrcd , we've sworn
tor have , BO we'll ' have tor rip up yer
baggage. " This was uttered with infi
nite distrust. "
The merchant then spoke : "You 11
find nothing of any account in our bag
gage , but if you will ask this young lady
for her hat , and can find the one thou
sand in bills she concealed in it just before
fore leaving Santo Fo , I think you will
certainly consider yourself repaid for
your trouble. "
The girl turned towards him with
blazing eyes and uttered tlio word ,
"Traitor ! " Ttii'ro was no escape ; the
hat was taken possession of. After the
lining had been carefully ripped out , it
was returned with a few gruff words of
apology.
"In luck , by heavens ! ' , cried the
highwayman , oxultlngly. "Pilo in , all ,
and bo d d tor yer. Sorry fur yer loss ,
Miss , but weji-o boun' tor take all wo kin
git. We ain't pot no treasure ; but this
hero'll do 'bout ' as well. Drive on ! "
"I want the way-bill ! " I said excit
edly , for the scene wo had just witnessed
nail raised my indignation to lover heat.
IIo handed it to me , but it fluttered
under the horse's foot , and I again de
manded it. IIo picked it up , climbed
the wheel and handed it to tno. Then ,
turning to the young lady , lie said
grtillly :
"But fur this lining , young woman , ye
might all ha' been lyin in yandor ditch.
No treasure aboard ! Come this way
agin 'thout it an' we'll settle yer ac
counts , blast yorl Now git ! "
Wo gladly followed this advice , but
could not find language strong enough
lo express our opinion of tlio merchant.
The driver nuido thp air fairly lurid
with his sulphurous profanity , and the
young lady answered all attempts at
consolation with hysterical sobs. The
merchant alor.o appeared to retain his
cool equanimity of temper.
Arriving at Denver no bogged very
earnestly of the young lady , with mo as
her escort , lo grant him a few moments
for explanation in a private parlor. lie
pleaded so fovorently that she gave a
reluctant assent. IIo closed the door
UK ! bolted it , which looked n little
strango. (
"Don't bo afraid.said ho. ns I foil
for my revolver. Sitting down lie pulled
on" his boot and fronntho too took out a
wild of hills. S.lid hu. "Mv nnni-nliild.
ct mo make rostitullon. Here are
? SlW ) ( in bills for the 81,000 you lost"
landing her two $1,0)0 ) bills "your lin
ing was a God-soiid to me ; if they had
searched mo further they would have
secured twenty insteltl ( of ono thousand.
And besides , concealed in my baggage
ire diamonds and otlor | precious stones ,
which , if they had sreurcd , would have
) eggared moTaKlng a , beautiful soil-
.airo from his vest lining ho presented
that alho to tier. "I should have ox-
ilalnoil in the st.-igo , " ho said , "but
vails have oars , amlAvhy should I trust
the others with my
'ilio Uij : * Party.
Have you been invited to a bag party
vet ? They are qulUj the latest tiling.
1'tio g tripod pa pur used by grocers is
lasted into tlio form of a lingo bag ,
vhioh envelopes n young woman or man ,
s tied tightly about their respective
iccks and lias onoaingH for the feet ,
vhlch latter mercifully settle the quos-
ion of hex , the inasculino extremity
icing easily dtstingjilshablo. Another
iag covers the head , ' is tied about the
lock and has openings for the oycs. At
i given signal the bags burst and the
niUorlllcH , very much heated but radl-
int , emerge to prove how very mistaken
svory ono has been conco-nlng the
dontity of every ono else.
Too Stingy to IjlvK.
A rich mlbor in Detroit , too stingy to
> ay a physician's fei < and too proud to
illow a city dootor to bo called in , died
ho other day simply for the want of
iropcr medical old.
inn. ru'ln.iits.
Ills Aniido.
Detroit Free Pressi "Hubby , " said the
new wife , "I fear you have some family secrets
crots which you have kept from mo. "
"Family "ccretsi I"
"Yes , dour. II ivo yo'i ' not an aunt who is
not what she should bol"
"II An mint I U'hv , what dr > you menu ! '
"O , I know , and I respect your solicitude
for her morals ; but , my dear , you should no
have kept the mutter secret from ino. 1'ossl
bly I could help you in the good work. "
' I don't know what you uro talking abou
my dear. What do you mean I"
"O , I know It all. I heard you last nigh
talking lu your Bleep about making vour
autitlo good. "
A Stickler for Form.
Detroit Free Press : Dlullclgti Goo <
morning , Hwellery. You will pardon me , :
hope , out I have some bad news for you.
Swcllory Pwuy , don't tell it to me , oh
boy ; 1 eawn't heah It , don't you know. It's
such liad fawmdon't you know.
Hlutleigh The deuce , you say. How do
you make that out )
Sweliory Aw , mo bov , evil communica
tions cowwupt good maniiahs , don't you
know , and wcally you must excuse mo 'for
not hcawlng w'at ; you have to toll , ftwcak il
gently , pli-asr , to my valet , ho will attend to
the mnttah. ( .Jood mawniiig , old boy.
-Making ( In ; .Most ol'Uppoi t unity.
Fhegomlo HIaotter : "Sunposo you come
dine with us tomorrow ! "
"Wouldn't the ilav after do lust as well ! "
Inquired the poor relation.
"Certainly , but where are you going to
dlnu tomorrow ) "
"Right here. You see , your wife was kinil
enough to ask mo for the occasion. "
A ltd tor Siilionic.
Epoch : Minister Tommy , if a bad boy
should dare you to , would \oa knock the chip
oft his shoulder (
Tommy Xop I'd knock the head offon
iiis shoulder.
nl" Affection.
Washington Post : "Ha ! Kiddorly. old
boy ! Congratulate you. I understand Mrs.
K. has prohented you with throe little pledges
of affection. "
'Well , yes. The fact Is I hare boon In the
auditor's ofllce so long that 1 kind ot expect
all vouchers to be presented In triplicate. "
Literally.
Milfoil Cuiirlrr.
Ho softly stroked his upper lip ,
A callow youth was ho
"Pray think you not that my inustacho
Js very line to seei"
To which the maiden mndo reply :
"Indeed , I think I might
With perfect truth and candor soy ,
It's simply out of siirht. "
Ho WUM nidi.
Yankee Blade : Hurly Wo always hnnp
Uncle John's pictures in a prominent place.
He is nn artist , you know.
Uurly A gooil one , I suppose.
Hurly No , Indocil. He doesn't know the
ilrsl thing about painting.
Hurly Then wny (
Hurly O , he's very wealthy , and my wife
expects to become his heiress.
Hob JUirdPttu : "Don't yon want a stoop on
the housoj" asked the architect , noting his cli
ent's Instructions. "N-no , " slowly replied
thu client , "I guess not : I'm goiugto have a
eoUploof lions on it , and I don't want it de
formed out of all grace and reason. "
Jlis Standing Juke.
n'iilf iiL'altc.
"How many legs1' ? asked Grandpa Jim ,
Of each urchin who came visiting him
"How may legs has n sheep , If you cull
Ills tall a leg how many in nlli"
Always the answer prompt would bo ,
"Pntintliifr his liitt. sli * flvii hn * hn "
"Wrong , " smiled Grandpa Jim , helms four ;
Easy to prove that no shcup bus more ;
.For calling his toll a le , my son ,
Doesn't by any means maUo it one. "
On Ills Knees.
Detroit Frco Press ; "WhoopeeI Jimmy , I
seed more fun 'n you cud got into nu ocean
steamer. "
"Wot wuz it , Tommy i"
" \V'y , it wuz that gawk of n Jobson a pro-
posln1 to my slstor. "
"Did she hev 'nit"
"Course she did. I toll you , Jimmy , 'twas
Illicit work , though. Ono minnut ho wuz on
His knees 'n ther next mlnmtsho wuz. "
"Wiiz what on herni"
"Naw , you gump , on his'n. "
A Sul * r .male.
Epoch : "Why do you portnit such Impu-
loucof" snid the Pullman traveler to his
companion , after n quarrel with the porter.
"Can't liulp it. He's thu porter. I'm only
i director in the company. "
No Leisure.
"I'll wait until you nro at leisure , " said a
caller to the editor.
"I'm nfr.iid I'll bo of no use to you when
'M uciul , " replied the editor.
What Hit Shot.
Washington Pott : ' 'Good morning , Mrs.
Johnson. Is Augustus at honiol"
"No , sah t ' ( Justus am gene shootin * dis
nawnin' , sub ! "
' Shooting ! Why , whatkind of game does
10Hoot at this time of the year ) "
' Deed , sah , I doan eivnekly reekorlec do
lame or do game , but I 'pears to remember
icarln" hit culled crap. "
.Measure ol' Happiness.
IJ'itK/imt/dm / atnr.
Ho drank and sighed ' 'my great distress
No longer lingers ;
The measure of man's happiness
Is Just two lingers. "
Vice Vormi.
"Kuldo , old hey , do you dictate much to
your prottv typewriter nowadays i"
"Dictate to her ) That little rcd-hcadod
thing over there ! No , sirl Sbo dictates to
me. "
L'p Appo.irnnocN.
Now Yotk Telegram : "I toll you , Jabson ,
ho told nothing but the bald truth ! "
" 1'osslbly , Hobson , possibly. Hut I'm
afraid it were u scratch wl j at the time. "
Hliyincfl.
i'ureat nnd Sticnm.
All Angler went out to llsh ,
A trout cnmo along with a swish ,
A brilliant red hucklo
And other line tackle
Went off. The owner sold "pish. "
SHOUT . .t.vsti.ntr. .
The busybody Is a very idle person.
Many a reputed wag turns out to ba merely
a scalawag.
The demonstration of canine Joy begins at
the ( tint.
The reason why a fly Is generally monarch
absolutely of a buld head Is because there is
no heir apparent.
The coal magnate's standing In the com
munity is weigh up.
Somebody has counted them up and llnds
that there are 7-0 women lecturer * In this
country. This doesn't include thu Caudlo
lectures , of course. Oh , no.
The summer girl seems to find soda water
n llzzlcal necessity.
Every dog has his day , but U Is a mean
cur that will bark at night.
Whether freezing or broiling It Is always
"mean" temperature with some people.
Cupid Is ox-onlclo a member of every
archery club.
"Tako n 'b.ill' with mo , won't you I" as the
duellist remarked to his antagonist ,
A crusty employer bjllovos that a laborer
is worthy of his iro.
U is a gicon turtle that will got in the soup.
HirJs novur quarrel over a dllTurcnco of a
pinion ,
"In getting through a falluroHUCCOfisfully , "
says old Mr. Cumrox , "u good deal depends
on u man's llo-iiljilltlo "
Inland l.ukt's.
Youth's Companion : it ii not generally
realized ttiat tbero are in tub country Liter
ally millions of lakes which tire available for
water furmlnj : , In size all the way from moro
ponds to Um greiit inland own of fresh water.
In Illinois iilono there : ux > tens of thousands ol
lakes , and hundreds of thousands more cai
bo readily created.
Tht'ro are In Illlnol" mmy extinct hiKcs ,
which can bo onsllv transformed Into sheets
of water by the sfniplcst means. All the
enormous "I.nko IMuiii. " ns It Is known to
geologists , comprl.itiig Wisconsin , Minnesota
and Michigan , north of the Ohio river , Is
dotted vUth coili-tless shoots of water , condi
tions being fnvorniilu forcn-atlug many moro
by such Inexpensive artillccsas the damming
of slronins.
liy damming at Intervals , every creek and
rivulet can bo made to form artificial lakes.
Even the vast arid region , the "Groat DM
crt" of the wo < t , Is speckled all over with
multitudes of extinct lakes which ran bo
filled OIICQ more and madu to teem with life ,
ns they once did.
urns.
On tinVronu Kodit.
New York U'eeltlv : I'lrst Mttlo Girl ( at
fushionnblo summer resort--rm ) awful glad
to got ' ( iiialnted with you. 'cause you're nice.
Second Littlu Glrl-So'm I with you.
That's w.tiat wu como for. Mamma says so
herself. "
"To get ' ( lualntedl"
"Yes , with nice people people In society ,
vou now. "
"Why , that's Just what mamma wants.
We're to get 'qualnlcd with pcoplo in soci-
"Aim you In society in the city ? "
"No. You arc , aren't youi"
"No. We've been rnkln' and sijrnpln' the
whole winter to rome ticro and get 'quainted
with people in society , you know. "
"So'vo we. "
"Then ' vou , folks ain't anybody at home ! "
"No. "
"Neither are wo. "
"Guess there ain't IUULU use in us gottin'
'quainted. " '
' Guess not. "
' Good-by. "
"Good-by. " _
\Vliiuli Is On root.
Detroit Kreo Cress : Of course Detroit can
successfully claim some of the very SWIM test
nnd prettiest nnd most natural mid brightest
girls that over drew the breath of life , but u'l '
of them are not quite up to that standard.
"Mamma " s.ild of these
, ono not-qulte-up ,
' Is it proper to say that a horse is bow-legft'cil
in his fore-limbs , or bow-limbed in his lore-
legs i"
And the good mother looked up from hoi-
work of sowing a relnforcomont on the seat
of Jotinnln's pr.uts and never said a word ,
but , on , that look.
Saving tlio <
Boston Transcript : Little Edith had thr
habit of eating out the soft part of her bread
and tucking the crust under the edge of her
plato. Her mother had frequently reproved
Edith for this reprehensible practice , but it
appeared to hnvo no lasting effect. The other
evening KJith was detected at her old trick.
Said her mother :
"KcJith , how often have I told you about
leaving your crusts ? Tlicio may come u day
when you'll bo glad to got them. "
' Yes , mamnm , " replied Edith , with a nc-
murc. whimsical countenance , "that's what
I'm saving 'em for. "
'I lie Apple of Mis Hyc.
) "on/rx ( / rump IH'OH. '
Our farmer loves his cheery wife ,
His land and stock ; right well his pipo.
Hut ask him what's the blithesome thing
That brightens up his humdrum life ,
He'll say no daisy dots the crass
With pinker cheek than his .sweet lass ;
No merry birds-song can rejoice
The heart , llko her melodious voice ,
No little lassie half so fair
Ho found la all America.
At this I see two red lip's pout
As if there might bo room for doubt
Aslc your pupa there , Just for fun ;
Ilo'll toll you mat ho knows of ouol
It Diiln't \Vorlc.
Detroit Free I'ress : The mother of n Detroit -
troit miss who has not attained a great num
ber of years , but has contrived in that time
to got a reputation for being "hard to man
age , " was. recently told by way of encourage
ment that she was doing bettor , "A friend
remarked the other day , " said her mother ,
"that you were much Improved 1"
"Uiitsl Mummu , " said the hopeful child ,
"sho only said that to flatter you. "
' 1 wo Ioyn. !
Good News : Little Daughter O mamma ,
lidn't you say that Dick mustn't go with
that neighbor's boy ?
Mamma indeed , I did.
"Well , he's with him behind the barn
smoking cigarettes. "
"Horrors I Is that dirty faced boy leadi
ng Dick to smoke cigarettes ! "
"No'm. Dick's tcachin' him. "
The Way It Iliippeno : ! .
Harper's Unzar : Ethel Mamma and 1
were attacked by the tr.imp and I threw a
stone and knocked him flat.
Maud How did you como to hit him with
t !
Ethel I fired at mamma.
AVIiy Doesn't She Move ?
A Haiti moro lady , with her little daughter ,
net an acquaintance on the street , and
topped to ask utter a mutual friend. "Sho
s II ! , " said the acquaintance. "Indeed , she
KIS been nwct tn duuth's door with thatfever. "
-Mamma , " said the > vise little maidthouglll-
ully , as they walked on , "If that lady you
vero talking about Is next door to death ,
vhy doesn't she move I"
A Solt Hiiap.
Philadelphia Record : "Say , I'd llko to
nap your face In n kodak , " said a Park
outli to a pert miss. "Would you , Indeed , "
oturncd tlio miss snicastieally , "well , you'd
mvo n soft snap of It then , " and sun passed
n triumphantly , convinced In her mind that
ho hud got off a repartee.
Chrlmifiii
Neighbor How do you like your now
loighborsl Little Girl Mamma says thov is
awful nice pcoplo , real polite an' Christian.
'Has ' she called ( " "No , but we've sent In to
mrrow a da/.en dllT'ront things , an1 they
Idn't once say they was Just out. "
AVIiy They Ci-y.
Washington Star : "Mamma , do dogs and
ats go to heaven ! "
"No , dear. "
"Well , then , mnma , let's don't scold them
ny moro if they IIo uwako nights and cry. "
"What are you crying about , my little
nan I"
"Jimmy O' Brier licked mo Ilrst , nn1 then
uthcr licked mo for letting Jimmy lick me ,
n' then Jimmy lirkod mo again for telling
athcr , an' now I suppose 1 shall catch u
gain from father. "
A IVnyor
The flvo-yeur-olu boy had seen his first wed-
Ing and naturally the family asked him what
10 thought of it.
"I'ooh ! " he said disdainfully , "II'H nothing
but a prayer meeting with a soclablo after it. "
.Icrsoy Vlnltorrflii I'lirls ,
A Purls correspondent writes : "Mos-
ultooH , are , I venture to say , for the
Irst time within the memory of the old-
st Inhabitant , a plague of many parts of
'arls. The dampness of the Spring is
'aid ' to bo the i-oason why they nightly
ni/.z , blto and leave the face and hands
ovorcd with hard , red blotches , I tut I
icllovo the trno CIUIKO Is the wholesale
cstriictlon of Solno lish when the Ice
lee < In that river were being dynamited
ast winter. 1 never milTcrou so niiiuh in
varin weather In any part of the booth
( KIMIICO from mosquitoes IIH I havu
lone this week. If ono tills by a lamp
icar an open window along many of the
jonlovardH a aWarm of them assails ono.
. 'ho iiioh < tuitp bud not not being used in
'urirt , ono lies duwn at night unpro-
fi.'trd , and in liulj.o to risein the morn-
ng with a disflgurrd face in u btuto of
uunful
llixtmt C tirlr.
When I wa * 1ml a callow youth
And Hlngtown scorned the world to mo
1 thought Miss Dolllo Hennessey
A paragon of glris , lu truth ,
A being who would tuko the prlco
Among the hosts of Paradise.
And when she spurned my proffered hand
And took Jim Robinson's Instead ,
I vowed that ne'er In nil the land
Could hope for mo its radiance shed.
Hut when some years had passed and I ,
Meanwhllo a wanderer , returned
To Hlngtowu , and , In turning by
A cottage , suddenly discerned
A freckh'd slattern , grossly stout ,
From a dull ixm-h rush wildly out ,
Hnatch ip : an urchin by the c'ars
And to.ss him through thoopou door ,
Chase from the lot a yoke of steers ,
Jump a r.ill fom-o and hurl a score
Of cobulurs at a passing tramp ,
Ktck-i ' Newfoundland dog and stamp
TWO'MIIIUCS to bits , then to the cot
Swoop back and yell In accent. " hut ,
"You Jim ! Como hero , you lazy lout ,
And sweep this mensloy kitchen out:1' :
When thU 1 aw and heard , then learned ,
As from my ramble I returned ,
The diimo was Mrs. Robinson ,
This comment through my mind did run :
'
The .saddest words of tongue or pen ,
Are surely not It might huvu been. "
.tnovr .MK.V.
MMIK TW MN1I JOB Ml'Id'lIY.
Hugh Coylo , n well known former resident
of this city who is now In advance of Foro-
paugh's , says the Kansas City Times , told an
Inti'iv.sting story yesterday about MnrK
Twain and a heartless Joke ho played on Joe
Murphy at au actors' fund banollt. Mr.
Coylo lit that time had the managmi-nt of the
benefit , which was given In the Aenilemy of
Mlish ; , Philadelphia , nnd was a gt-i-ut affair.
Joe Murphy was down on the programme fot1
a pathetic scene from "Kerry tiow. " and
Marie Twain was to render n brief lecture on
"Tho Tragic Tulo of n Poor Irishwoman. "
"A L-ruvuyard sreno that was hard to heat , "
said M ' . Coyle , "was provided for Joe Mur
phy. While he was in thu midst of his pa
thetic performance Mr. Clemens called mo
into his box and said rather hurriedly : 'Mr.
Coyle , I must catch a train in u few minutes
and must go on thu .stage as soon as tills se
lection is ended. I will go on In the graveyard -
yard scene. You need not change It. " I
thought it strange , but Mr Clemens Insisted ,
and sol wont to tlio stage mamigcrand told
him to ilx things so Mark Twain could bo
rn s lied on in the grave sccno while Murphy
was In the dressing room. There I would try
to detain him until Twain had finished 'Tho
Traffic Tale of a Poor Irishwoman , ' for I
Knew Murphy wouldn't llko It for his grave
yard scene to bo used. I couldn t detain
Murphy outside the theater , mid when ho ro-
cntcrcd there stood Mark Twain in the midst
of tombstones , mounds and vaults composing
his pravoyard scene. Ho was saying :
" 'Ladies nnd Gentlemen : I have long-
sought tor such an opportunity in thK Sev
eral years ago I was connected with tlio Phil
adelphia Ledger. Hero among these graves
and in this solemn spot I wish to .say that i
never wrote any of the obituary poems pub
lished in the Ledger. Tills was a great hit ,
as the Ledger's fad at that time was obituary
poetry , The crowd roai-cd and Murphy grow
red in the face. Ho was very angry for a
time , but 1 suppose ho bears no hard feel
ing for the supposed trick ho thinks I played
on him , and so I give ttio slory and an ox-
plnnalion of how the ludicrous Incident cama
about. Twain's speech In Murphy's grave
yard lasted half an hour and kept tba house
in constant laughter. "
a.iurici.n AND A nnroiiim.
"There Is ono speech the late President
Gnrllold uttered which 1 am satisfied has
never boon printed , " said a Chicago Time *
reporter u low days ago , when n group were
talking about old-timo political matters. "I
wrote it. nt tlio time , but in the great cxclto-
ment of a presidential convention ami the
mass of matter tlio paper had to print dally
this little speech got lost In the shutllc.
"It was at the time of the big republican
convention hero , " continued the reporter ,
"when the gallant 'toil stuck so nobly to-
Grant , and Mr. Garfleld was so suddenly
nominated. You well remember It was gen
erally understood that Gurficld was to nom-
I mi to Sherman , and the fact that Sherman
was not nominated and Garllold was led
many peonlo to hint at treachery. However
Una may bo , wu Icarnud at the nfnYo that
Garllold was going to make his nomination
speech that night , and to save time , as it
might bo a long speech and bo late , I win
sent to see if 1 could got It in advance. Well.
I found Mr. Garllold at his hotel and told
him what I wanted. His reply v/as direct
and to the point.
" 'I can't do It ' '
, young man , said he , 'and
fm * Mm hnsl , ronsnn in thn ivnrldt F Imvo tin
speech prepared. '
" Well , but , General , ' said I , 'you nro go
ng to speak tonight ; you must mm'ly hnvo
iiitllned in your mind what you are going to
say ; won't you give tno n synopsis of it ! '
' 'Now , whin's the use of talking ! ' OK-
clnlmcd the general , throwing out his arms
, n an emphaticgesture. . 'I have told you I
i.ivo no speech prepared ; ono e.in't show a
jabv before it is bom ; my speech is not bora
yet.1 "
An insurance agent was trying to Induce a
iard man to deal with to take oul a policy In
il.s house , says the Sun Francisco Examiner.
\fter listening to blin for 'an hour , while ho
minlcd in vivid colors the extreme danger of
ire consuming the house , the hard man lo
deal with .said :
"Do j on really llilnk llml my house will
mini down Inside the time that the policy
will run ! "
"Certainly , " replied the Insurance agent ,
"have I not'boen trying all this time to con
vince you that I do. "
"The , " said the hard man to deal with ,
"why Is your company so anxious to bet mo
money that It will not ! "
The agent was silent and thoughtful fora
moment , then ho drew the other apart Into an
unfrequented place and whispered In his car :
"My friend , I will impart to you a dark so-
cret. Years ago the company betrayed my
sweetheart by promise of marriage. Under
mi iiHsuiMnil ntimo T hnva wai'mod invfldlf Intn
its iiervicu for rovango , and us thuro Is a
heaven above us I will have Us tioart'i
blood. "
WILLIAM'S noon TIMI : .
When the Sunday evening train caino Into
the Long Islund depot , llroolil.vn , from
Cnnnrsle , says the Now York World , thcro
WHS a woman waiting for it. She had been
waiting mi rl.v an hour , nnd as aim waited
she explained tn those about her :
"I cii'iio down to meet my husband ,
William. The poor man went down lo
CannrsK-10 have a irood time today. "
The train finally rolled In , mid pretty soon
two men caino leading a third botwvon thorn
into the station. Hu hud no hat or coat , both
eyes were in mourning , and his nose four
tlnioi lee nU , and ho looked lilio a man who
liad boon plnylng with thn lly-w'hcol of u ( JOO-
her ' - power angini * .
"Wllli.im. IH It you ! " asked the wife , as
she ruhhed forward.
"Yes , " ho slghud , m ho looked up.
"I cnmo to meet yo'i. You have liad a real
good time , and I urn so glad ! Lut us go humu ,
darling , "
AM I.Ml'KiniNKNT IHIIflOT.
Tliuro Is u parrot In Hu Louis , which ox-
claiiim , whenever a nvin enters the roomi
"You'ro drunk , Mr. and had bettor go away.
I don't want to see you till you'ro over It. "
Pcoplo wundur how the bird catches on , but
thi ) explanation in Miuplo ; II doesn't Know
how to nay anything else , and of cotirso In
niuklng ttio remark to ovcry man it frequently -
ly gutH near homo. Ono gentleman who called
thought It was the lady of l ho house speak ,
ing , and rushed out of the parlor. She sat
down to wrho a IK.to of explanation lu him.
when to her aum/.ument a M.-rvunt bruught
her u note from the gentleman she was writ
ing to. In which ho stiiton thut hu acknowl
edged with humility that ho had porlmpi
taken too much wlno with hit Junior , but
ha'l hoped on culling on tier that she would
not have detected it. An nho mid dona so ,
however , ho offered his most ubjcut upoluglua
aud u prayer for forgiveness.
