Part 2. FHE OMAHA DAILY BEEI I Pages 9 to 12
i T
TWENTY-FIRST YEAH. OMAHA , SATURDAY AUGUST 1 , 1801TWELVEPAGES. . NUMBER 44.
Till ! MOlHflttf MVSR ,
A Sudden Sliowcr.
Jrttntt M'littcrimh Itllcu.
Barefooted boys scud up the street.
Or f luirry under the Mieltering sheds ;
And school-girl foci's pule and sweet ,
Gleam from the shawls about their bends.
Doom limit" nnd mother voices cnll
From nllcn homes ; and rusty gnUt
Arc elntmncd ; and high above It nil
The thunder grim reverberates ,
And then'abrupt the rnln , the rain I
'I ho earth lies gasping ; and the eyes
Behind the Mrcnmlng window panes
Smile nt the trouble of the aides.
The highway smokes , shnrp echoes ring ;
The cattle bnwl and cowbells clank ;
And Into the town comes galloping
The farmer's horse with steaming Han It.
1 ho swallow dlpi uoticath the caves ,
And lllrts his plumes and ( olds his wings ;
And under the catawba leaves
The caterplller curls and clings.
The bumblebee Is pelted down
Tlie wot. stem of the hollyhock ;
And sullenly In spattered In-own
The cricket leaps the garden walk.
Within , the baby claps his hands
And crows with rapture slrango and
vague ;
Without , beneath the dripping rosebush
stands
A dripping rooster one one leg.
In Al'tor Yearn.
lliMtnn Courier.
When I was Irat a callow youth
And BInutown srctneu the world to me ,
I thought Miss Doltlo Hcnnessy
A paragon of ptrls , in truth.
A being who could take the prlzo
Amotiff the hosts of paradise.
Arid \vTion she apuriicd my proffered hand
And took Jim Uoblnsoa Instead ,
I vowed unit no'er In all the land
Could hope for mo Its radlnnco shed.
Hut when some years had passed , nnd I ,
Meanwhile n wanderer , returned
To Hint-town , und. In passing by
A cottage suddenly discerned
A freckled slattern , grossly stout ,
From a dull porch rush wlldlv out ,
Snatch up an urctilti bv the cars
And toss tilm through the open door ,
Chase from the lot a yolio of steers ,
Jump a rail fence and hurl a score
Of cobbles at a passing tramp ,
Klclc a Newfoundland dog and stamp
Two snakes to bits , then to the cot
Swoop back and yell In accents hot ,
"You Jim. Come here , you lazy lout ,
And sweep this measly kitchen out I"
When this I saw and heard , then learned ,
As from my ramble J returned ,
'
U'he datuo was Mrs. Hobiusoti ,
Tins comment thro1 my mtnd did run ;
" 'Tho saddest words of tongue or pen'
Arc surely not 'it might have boon. " "
Sorrow' * Glitmt.
llitl < i > ItiiitihcMtrsiofl.
I was once fitting , halilted in gray ,
Beside it lonely stream ; and In her ovcs
Was all the tenderness of twilight skies
In middle spring when lawns are Hushed
, with May.
"Mysterious one , " I cried , "who art thou ?
.Sayl"
Shu answered , In low tones , just hoard
through sighs ;
"Draw nigh nnd look dost thou not rcco"-
nlzo
\ face well known once , in another day ! "
Then on the air these words grew audible :
" 1 he same she is who scorched thlno eves
with tears ,
But changed now bv the sovereign force of
years ,
And piteous grown , nnd no moro terrible :
Look on lier , now.who once thy life opprcst
Lulled bitterest Sorrow then , but now named
Rest I"
_ T.io KUII'H noa\
'Kr.\o \ rurlt Atleertber.
"You too , " I said to my small boy ,
"Whore the sky Is so bright and red ;
Well , that is where the great big sun
Is just settling dtwq to bed.
Ho gives us light and heat all day ,
I hough ho sometimes doesn't show ,
But still bo's there behind the clouds ,
All the same , my pot , you know.
Al\d \ V',0'1 ' Uls dny'K worlt Hnlshod seems ,
And downward ho looks to sink ,
We say that ho has gone to bed
V--N.ottrcu"i'1 though , I think. "
Mjd.then , before 1 could explain
low ho llf-hted other lands
In our bedtime for ho has none
( In one place ho always stands ) ,
Itidlirnantlv my smull boy cried.
With a shako or his wise head
" 1 link so , too-not weally ,
For of torso he'd burn his bedl"
On IVllKon'H 1'cnk.
Lit * Aiiudc * llcr.ili.
Above the flouds on mountain peak.
Midst fragrant breath of pines ,
A world lies smiling at our feet ,
\Mth wealth of Golcondu mines ;
Eyes sparkle bright with mute surprise.
At visions thut around them lie ,
J he tuli-cst 'neiitb the vaulted skv
That sinks away hi crimson linos.
Above the clouds , with upraised bauds ,
lo grasp the glittering worlds ,
U hat o'er our heads so closely hang
Uudlant us diadem of pearls ;
O , God , how near Thou seem ,
So near wo cutch a gleam
Of houven-us in wondrous dream
Midst sea of Thy created worlds.
Above thodouuds , our pulses stilled
, Wo bow our heads in silent adoration
Of Him , who thus cou'd ouild
Worlds that chain our admiration ;
\ \ ho , hero , could stand and still deny
The God that rules on high !
10 sKcptics , como and try
The power of such association.
Onr Modern Amazon.
! ? Iliticthiirni : / . < i/uop ( / In Hurpir's Hatar ,
I'm trying on my armor , dear ,
With xvliieh my battles are won.
I shall count somp brilliant conquests before
Tbo summer has gone.
Hero's a white dress and llly-trlmrncd bat ,
And n parasol Ilka foam ;
ri'm-'ll muku my eyes look darker yet ,
1 fetch my prisoner homo.
You would not thliiK this simple silk ,
As light ns a sea gull's wing ,
L'oulu bring down many a knightly heart
In the lists of "summorlngl"
And here's u fan It is not smoke.
But lace nnd ostrich feather ;
It will be wiitrhod by eyes that ask
My fancy's wind and wu.ither.
And hero's n yachting suit that says.
Upon life's merry wave
I , llko an admiral , shall win
Engagements brisk and bravol
And nt this shoo , all tipped with gold.
A trembling sluvo shall stoop
A vussul whom it rival queen
Lost In sumo waltzing group.
In abort , when autumn once moro hangs
Tbo land with gorgeous hue ,
t ahull como riding b.tck to town
In triumph. Wouldn't you ! ' "
\ \ hen tlio Main Ciirno Ilinvn.
llitfldit Tnuuertiit ,
Whllo the ruin cnmo down they stayed
In the maple's kindly shade ,
Leaning from the ferny shore
Watched the dimpled rlvor-tloor
Where the raindrops gtdly played.
Kvery leafy mountain glodo
J-i'lt the raindrop1 : rushing raid ;
\uV\r'li11' \ ' slo n * l ° uds hovered o'or
\
\ \ bile the ruin cuum down.
Lmighlnp , careless , man and maid ,
"
"Alth the wide umbrella's aid
Sheltered from iho drops that pour ,
Love und youth their happy lore ,
Nought i-orod they though long delayed ,
W bllo the ram couio dowu.
God Old HID Heist.
JMtnmil Jnclttim.
Mother , I eo you with your nuwory light ,
Leading your babies , all In white.
To their sweet rest ;
Christ , the Good Shepherd , carries mlno tonight -
night ,
And that is best.
I cannot help tears when I see them twlno
Their fingers In yours , and their bright curls
shlno
On your warm breast ;
But the Savior's Is purer than yours or mlno
He can love best.
Yea tremble each hour bccnuso your arms
Are weak ; your heart Is wrung with alarms ,
And sore opprest :
My darlings are safe out of reach of harms ,
And that is best.
You know that over yours may hang even now
1'aln and disease , whoso fulfilling slow
Naught can arrest ;
Mlno In God's ' garden can run to and fro.
And that Is beat.
You know that of VOUH your feeblest ono
And dearest may live long years alone ,
Unloved , imblcst ;
Mlno are cherished of saints around God's
throne , .
And that Is best.
You must dread for yours the crime that
scars ,
Dark guilt unwashed by repentant tears ,
And unconfcsscd ;
Mlno entered spotless on eternal years ,
O , how much the best.
But grief Is selllsh ; I cannot sco
Always why I should so stricken bo
Moro than the rest ;
But I know that , us well as them , for mo
God did the best.
THOMPSON OF OURS.
TUB CONFIDENTIAL KKI'OUT.
I'miKi ; Fair.
Up tliorc botwcon Quotta and Can-
dalmr It { 'ots viiry co'.d in January a
misty , biting , blustering cold that nlns
the liver and shortens the temper ; that
coined whistling round your mud-hut
with a northoust wind fromolT thosnows
and cracUs the shriveled skin off you like
old parchment.
The colonel blew on his finpers ,
howled for fresh wood to bo piled upon
the Hro , and fell to the contemplation of
his thumb , which was frost-bitten.
Before him upon the table lay the
loathsome shoots of foolscap known ns
"Tho Annual Confidential Reports. "
Some of these wore already filled in ,
some blanks as yet. Each was headed
by the name of an olllccr , and fringed
by the impertinent personal riddles set
yearly for commandants to answer.
Now , oven when forced to look from
the point of view of disapproval upon
any ono of his "Boys , " this honorable ,
kindly English gentlem in hold the sys
tem of conli.lcntial disparagement in
horroi- . But really this morning1 , what
with the cold and the maggots in the
i-ico which had put him oil his break
fast , and the extraordinary delay in the
mail lettoi-H , ho felt inclined to damn
every man-jack of them , himself in
cluded. With a roaring blizzard search
ing your bones and a suspicion of fever
in your blood , and nothing decent to oat ,
you don't feel like certifying that every
soul under your command is remarkable
for all- qualities that go to make saints
upon earth.
Anyhow , the colonel did not foci llko
it. llo began turning over the sheets
with that sickly , languid fooling of re
volt with which monotony in its un
pleasant form.s is apt to inspire ono af
ter long years of patient grind. Ho
hated these prim skeleton sketches in
black and white. It was always the
same thing the same weary struggle
to combine strict truth with fair words ;
to put % 'Yes' ' whore it ought to bo "No , "
and "No" where it ought to bo "Yes. "
For wore they indued all three youths
zealous in well-doing , all talented. , all
tactful , all of equable temper ? Had
they every ono of them boon endowed
from their cradles with unnatural
sagacity and aptitude for command ?
Wore they , in short , ready-mado generals -
als from the moment they entered the
service1 Alas , no ! The colonel's eyes
wandered to his crippled thumb again
and then back to thu sheets under his
other hand , and presently fell upon a
certain name heading one of them.
Whereupon ho curt-cd the authorities in
his heart for a , pack of fools , and sighed.
It was Thompson Lieutenant William
Thompson known by the name of
"Billy ; "
The colonel took it in his hand and
sighed aga'in. There was not one , or
hardly one , of those cut-and-drlod ques
tions that could bo answered gracefully ,
yet conscientiously , as regarded this
young man. "I could describe him in
three words , " groaned the colonel :
"harum-scarum young'dovil. "
Then , for ho liked the lad , ho began
to wondoi- how on earth ho was to fill up
that report. Ho was a keen noldlor him
self , and , if truth bo told , had a par
tiality for the typo so pithily described
in those three words. Ho would * rather
have such with him in the field than
some other for whom perchance moro
could bo said on paper. Of euch ho
knew was the kingdom of homes.
The ghosts of many haunting trage
dies came crowding into the old soldier's
mind as ho sat fingering that infernal
paper. Did any of these harsh moral
photographs of thorn , with "Yebcs" and
' 'Noes" in the most unbecoming places ,
lie rotting still perhaps in the adjutant
general's ollleca ?
Ho got up shlvoring and kicked the
logs into a blazethnn returned with utern
determination to the ftudyof the vexing
questions in hand. What could ho nay
for Billy Thompson ? The tad had the
temper of a game bull-terrier , the tact
and judgmnnt of a Newfoundland puppy ,
ana about as much ability and acquire
ment as the average English suhoolboy.
The thought of Billy Thompson as orna
mented with a complete list of "Confi
dential Report" virtues was nothing loss
than grotesque.
llo glanced down the list. Why , that
very morning ho had spent a bad half
hornin wigging the youngster for short
comings in almost every item. Late
again for parade. Violent with a , Sopoy.
Hadn't the faintest notion of his drill ,
and so on.
"What on onrth am I to say for you ,
sir ? " ho had asked , angrily , tapping the
bundle of uncompromising pjiporn , at
which Billy glanced with rueful despair
in his honest eyes. "You are distinctly
careless , wanting in tact , uboless at ollico
work what's the use of complaining of
your wrlUn-8 , sir ? Inattentlvo und argue
iniNitntlve. Rule ? Of cotn-bo ; and that's
about all you'ro fit for. That and tennis
nis- ; but unluckily these won't advano
you In your profession , nor gain you re
spect , nor fit you for u command. "
Then the colonel had stolen a look nt
the frank , bright face , und thought for
the millionth time how ridiculous It all
was. The lad was honorable and bravo.
Why not trust to time and training to
do the rest ? llo wan tod. n tight hand
over him of course ; but why bo forced to
send up a nasty , disparaging report of
him to licadquartors ? "
Somehow the colonel could not find it
in his heart to do it , and was still worry
ing ox'or it , when iv telegram was
brought in addressed "To the Officer
Commanding. " This was followed
shortly by u knock at the rough door
opening outward on to the cold , wind
swept inclosuro , u struggle to shut the
same , nnd a tall , smart looking otllcor
entered , helmet in hand.
"O , that's you , Hamortonl I was just
going to send for you. There's u row
up Kuhnax way. James of the police
wounded. Ghazis again killed u lot of
people. I'm ordered to send an intelli
gent olllcor to investigate the thing and
report. You'll have a ticklish job , but
I can rely upon you. I've been thinking
whom you had bettor take. You see , I
can only spare ono of two , cither Bates
or Thompson. Bates has the longest
head , and yet Thompson well , if it
comes to blows , somehow I should pro-
Thomp-ion. . But do as you liko. "
AH ho said this the colonel instinct
ively glancud at the pile of papers be
side him. Bates' name happened to be
uppermost , with its every question
snugly and neatly answered. Thomp
son's ' had frisked olT gaily in the
draught of the ouon door , and was but
just saved from botng chewed under the
table by Ilamorton's puppy , who had
followed his muster in.
"It shall bo little Billy , " said Major
Hamerton to himself ; and proceeded to
the discussion of further details con
cerning escort and commissariat ar
rangements for the small expedition.
A little before nightfall they Htartcd ,
a party of fifteen in all : the two English
officers Billy in abtato of the wi.dest
joy , and bursting witlj importance a
dulfondar , and twelve Sowars of the
KlumaHorso. . A second tiilogram had
been received soon after the first saying
that the Ghn/is , who wore few in num
ber , had taken themselves olT ; that a
native hospital assistant was in charge
of James , the wounded police olllcor ;
and that ho was to be brdtight back
lioro , because there was no other
European doctor nearer than Quelta.
"Hopo we come across the beggars , "
Billy said , gleefully.
But the colonel , who had ridden out
a little way with the party , and had
wished them "good luck , " found him
self saying something like a prayer in
his heart for the safe return of the two
men , who wore , in his opinion , the very
pick of the regiment.
In times of peace these inglorious
little brushes with sneaking Ghnzis are
not among the pleasant features of ser
vice in Afghanistan. To an old soldier
they savor too much of that Dotting
from behind hedges with which the
Irish peasantry have famlliarixed us ,
and to which no military glory "is at
tached. Ho docs not care about sending
out good men to furnish targets for
skulking devils , who have no ground to
quarrel , but are merely possessed of a
fanatical desire to spill Forringheo
blood. Wherefore the commanding
ollicei- was ill at ease , and for the next
two days there fell a dulness and a
malaise upon everybody in camp. Like
the inllnon/a , it attacked them all , from
the colonel downward , only , as lOpling
says , that is another story.
It was in the spring of 1890 that the InJ
fluenza came swooping over Afghanistan
death-laden from European cities. It
was when April had cast its brief ethe
real upoll upon this barren spot , and had
woven a fairy carpet of ilowors all over
the plain , teaching the grim landscape
the meaning of a smilo. Only for a few
beautiful days in all the year is the
ground moist and fragrant and covered
with delicate short-lived blossoms.
L'ko lovely ghosts they come and go the
white wild hyacinth bells , the small rod
tulip , the exquisite purple iris. It was
with these sweet visitors that the influ
enza came , dealing suffering and death
among the lonely scattered outposts ,
where comforts are few and luxuries for
the sick unprocurable.
But in this January the plain was bar
ren of any verdure or vegetationsave for
a lealless scrub that grows low upon the
earth and gives out a fragrance resem
bling that of wild thyme. And you could
see right away to the hori/on in ono di
rection , and ns far as a chain of low ,
rooky hills in the other.
Upon the third day after the depart
ure of the expedition the colonel rode
out to reconnoitre along with the doc
tor , who was always game for a ride.
The commanding officer was moro anx
ious than ho allowed to appear. Some
how a two years' sojourn in those dreary
wilds draws men close together when
they are inado of peed stuff. The party
should have returned ore this , and the
colonel's heart was disquieted within
him. Ho was scanning the horizon care
fully , when ho suddenly pulled up and
shaded his eyes.
"What's that little cloud of dust , doc
tor ? Is it a 'devil' or a couple of horse
men ? "
The doctor , whoso oycs wore younger ,
answered that it was no "devil , " but
horsemen , and that they wore making
for camp.
"By Jove ! " exclaimed the colonel
with Ills Hold glass up , "it is it's
Thompson and a Soivarl"
In another moment they wore cutting
across to moot them.
Billy was riding a length or two in
front , and hiri jaded horse pulled up of
its own accord as ho nearcd the ap-
proao ing riders , The Sowar saluted ,
and remained stolidly immovable in the
background. Both men and horses were
caked witli dust , and roro a weary , de
jected air.
"We're bringing in Janlos nil right ,
sir , " answered Billy in answer to the
colonel's questioning gesture. "But wo
had a light Ghazts , this side Khunaz.
Hamorton'H badly wounded. I've como
on for thu doctor , his only chunco. The
black follow bolted who waa looking
after James. Can the doctor go at
once sir ? This Sowar wants n fresh
horse , that's all. "
After a word or two with the com
mandant , the doctor sped toward camp
with the Sowar at his heels. " Ho paused
for a moment by the side of Billy , and
looked him in the face.
"I shall bo under way in ton min
utes , " ho said. "Look hero , old fol
low , you've had about enough ; go
homo and turn in. " Ho was struck by
the look of agony and mental strain on
the boy's face.
After that the colonel got very few
words out of him. Ho saw that the
young fellow was done up , and questioned
him littlo. His mouth was parched , so
that ho could with dllliculty articulate.
His strong young figure was bowed over
the horso'B nock. As they wore Hearing
camp the doctor with his escort rode
out , and called back some cheering
words to him. Five minutes later they
were out of fight.
Once within camp limits the colonel
dismounted , and giving his horse over
to a syce , walked busldo the young
ollicor's horse with his hand on its nook.
Several fellows came up with greetings
and congratulations.
"Coino straight to mesa and have
something to drink before you toll us
anything , ' ' said the colonel , taking hold
of the horse's ' brldlo ns ho spoke. At
the patno moment ho felt It Blacken
within his grasp , and looking up ho saw
that Billy was reeling In his saddle , and
that his lips were bloodless ,
"I t think I'm done , " ho muttered
feebly and fell sideways off his horse
into the colonel's arms.
They carried him over to the mess
and began taking oft" his military great
coat. Then something made him open
his oycs , and his face took a little brave
distorted smile.
"Hold hard , " ho gasped ; "I think I've
got a bullet somewhere , and and my
arm's mnushcd. "
" it ! " the colonel
"Why , damn groaned ,
laying htm pontly d6wn , nnd looking
round upon the circle of horror-stricken
faces , "ho know this and ho has sent
away the doctor ! "
It was some weeks before Major Iliirn-
orton'was able to toll the story of Lieu
tenant Thompson's heroic conduct how
when ho himself was wounded nnd at the
merCy of the murderers , the young ofil-
cer defended him single-handed ; how
afterward ho pushed out Into Khunay
and brought out Jaim-s of the police
moro dead than alive , ami how , finally ,
while concealing the , /act that ho hud
been shot in the right arjn , ho rode forty
miles in to got the doctor and thus for
the second time saved the major's life.
U was longer still though before Billy
was out of danger. The wound had set
ill ) inllammallon and fever from overexertion -
exertion and the long time that had of
ucccHslty elapsed before skilled care
could be bestowed upon it , and for weeks
it was feared it would go hard with
Billy.
But in the end the "harum-scarum
young devil" got well , and the colonel
had the pleasure of sending up a "conll-
dentiiil report" of a very superior kind ,
together with a brilliant pendantwhich
has resulted in the bestowal of the much
coveted Victoria cross upon Lieutenant
William Thompson of Otirs.
A Collection of Don't * lor Girls.
Doll's Dressmaker : Don't all talk at oao.
Don't ' cut anything to save it.
Don't bo arald ! to do right.
Don't nslc your mother to wait uoon you.
. Don't drink ice water while you ara very
warm.
Don't bo Impatient with your little broth
ers and sisters.
Don't- Judge your playmates by the clothes
they wear. -
Don't forgot that wry faces make
wrinkles. . i
Doa't forget that kind words cost noth
ing. > ,
Don't-teaso for whatsis' been wisely re
fused you.
Don't drink tea or coffee before you are
twenty years old. " ' '
Don't-forgot that evil communications
corrupt good manners. ' '
JHi'.V OMUCK. .
Goethe's lovo-letters to a single ono of his
lady loves are valued at $8"OUU.
General James A. Singleton , the friend of
Abraham Lincoln and Stupuoa A. Douglas ,
is living la rotiroincnt at Quincy , 111.
The boots worn by Danial Webster are on
exhibition in a Concara sboostoro. No ono
in Now Hampshire ) naa been able to 1111
thorn
Madomba , the present king of Segon , was
once n telegraph operator. Ho simply
touched the brass button and fate did the
rest.
rest.A
A statue of General Logan , dcsignsd by
St. Gaudcns , nnd to eost $50,000. is to bo
placed at the oatranco of Jackson park ,
Uhicago.
Though not a fast man. Mr. Russell Sago
Is fond of fast horses. On Long Island ho
drives a span which bo thinks can make
L'W : ! with training.
Stanley is reported to have made $181,030
from hla American tour. O no-lml f of this
sum eamo from his book and the other half
from his lectures.
Mr. Smock , of Indiauanolls , has been the
leader of one church choir for twenty-one
years , and has never had a quarrel among
his singers in that period. ,
General Prank Marshall , the first gov
ernor Kansas over had , has become a "pro-
motor" In his old nco. Ho is now seventy-
five , and is well known to Now York In
vestors.
Ex-Sonntar Ingalls Is going abroad with
\V. A. Croffut's autumn party , to go through
Europe to Groace , Jerusalem , and Egypt.
They will start on Augusts and return In
about thiTa"mouths.
Prof. M.V. . Harrington , the now chief of
the weather bureau , who descended from the
early settlers of Now England , was born in
In 18-13. near Sagamore. Illinois. Ho grad
uated from the University of Michigan in
1SUS.
Judge Henry W. Blodgett of the United
Statcu district court is entitled to retire from
the bonch. nnd onjov his present salary
$5,000 a year for the remainder of his life.
Judge Blodgott was seventy years of nsa last
WOOK and having served on the United
States district bench for twenty years.
F our years ago \V. U , Lee was driving nn
express wngou in SpringlleM , O. ; three years
ago ho entered the medical school , New York
city ; ono year ago ho graduated and went
as a missionary to Siam , and now at the ago
of twenty-eight lie is made royal doctor to
the king of Slam.
Ex-Sonntor Edmunds is very domestio in
his tastes , and ono of his greatest pleasures
Is a dally horseback ride In eotnpany with
his daughter , llo beeps several carriages.
but the vehicle ho uses the most Is nn old
express wagon that has boon hammered for
years about the country roads of Vormont.
The Inventory of ( jouoral Sherman's prop
erty now to bo found in St. Louis , Juv. tnado
includes only two pieces of real estate ; -MIC of
which is the Garrlson-ayonuo house ii'ud lot
pro3entcd to him in 1W T by the people of
that city , and occupied by * him as u bomo for
siivcral years. It was at that time valued at
? 25,000.
Hubert Howe Uancr6fty , the historian of
the Pacific coast , commoaced life its n clerk
In a bookstoro. His attention was drawn to
historical literature by bylns asked by his
employers to aid in the preparation of. an
almanac of the coast. Ho lion collected ono
of the most valuable historical libraries in
the world. I
The house In which Bishop Huntincton
of Central Now Yoru , is summering at Had-
ley , Mass. . was built b/ his grandfather In
17511. As the bishop strole ? ) about the lawn
and garden ho points wlth'no ' little prldo to
his bord of blooded Jersey cattle and the
vouniror animals In the pasture adjoining.
Two fine St. Bernard dogs'almost Invariunly
accompany their master on bin walks.
A Boston reporter who recently saw Mr.
Cleveland at Buzzard's Bay says that tbo ox-
president looks as If ho baa spent many a day
on the salt water. Thu'sim lias browned his
fiico to a healthy hue and burned his neck
down below his coat collar , no is uot un
comfortably stout , and hai visibly lo.st flesh
since ho began to cruise about ou the buy ,
He has found the fish scarcer this year than
usual , but has made some good catches of
buss and bluellsh.
I'oHtponutl.
Ltttlo Elslo Oh , mamma , look at the som
ersault which Paul 1s turning. May I loin
hi ml
Mamma No , dear ; It Is ; not becoming to
young ladles to turn somersaults ,
Elslo Then I will wait till I am grown up.
The llnliy
Kpoc/i ,
When papa passed his ohtcklots in ,
His llannol shlrtlot * three
They washed until oh horrid in
They fitted little mo.
Mountain costume Id audo of ecru flannel
trimmed with blacic velvet. Tbo sailor's hat
hai a baud of gauze and velvet. Tbo ether
mountain dross Is of striped llannol
.trimmed with wblto galooui. The skirt u a
* 4'i > ullback , '
.ir JHUOHTS.
Columbus Post : "Mlstau Johnson , " said
ono colored gentleman , who carried a glass
pitcher , to another , nt Chestnut and Third
last night , "I would llko tor have yo couio
ovah nnd spend tie cvcnln' , "
"Mlstah Black , yo mus' ecuso mo. I has n
very Impuwtant engagement thU ycr present
abenlnv1
"Pshaw , yo kln.ipond an hour with me. "
"Deed I can't , Mlstah Black , I inns' go. "
"I'm awful sorry , Mlstnh Johnson , 1'su Jlst
cola' ' dowu to got n full half-gallon o'
beer "
"Is yo golu' to git n full half-gallon ! "
"Sunh I am. "
"What time Is It , about now ? "
"Eight o'clock. "
"Well , Iso got a very 'potant 'gnRcmont ,
but that U why of It's argent I well.
Mlstah Blrtcir , I'so goln' liomp right 'long o' '
you ! "
And he went.
_
A 1'crsniiul lit lljutlon.
Epoch : "Miss Hijoo didn't sing today , "
remarked a frloud to < Ji ° leader of thu choir
of the Church of the Ollertory.1
" > Jo , she's resigned. "
"I thought she had a good placo. What
was the trouble ! "
' She wns offended about the selection of
an nuthcin which she had to lead oil last Sun
day , and vowed she'd resign sooner than slag
it and she did. "
"That's odd. What was the anthem I"
"It begun , ' 1 have been young and now am
old. ' "
_
Saved ! tinvo U
Philadelphia Times : "Well , but Mnud "
The nbscnt-mlndcd youth was Interrupted by
the horror-stricken girl.
"Maud I My name Is not Maud I"
The situation was desperate , yet fortune
did not desert him.
"But , mydnrlliitr Louiso.what nm I coming
around hero for if it is uot to eventually
chnngo your munei"
She thought , of couraoho , had prearranged
the joke and ho thus was saved.
One t ) i fie Imwyur.
Ualncsvllle Eagle : An old man was on the
witness stand and was being cross-examined
by the lawyer.
" 1'ou say you are a doctor , sir I"
"Yes , sir ; ves , sir. "
"What Kind of a doctor ! "
"I make 'hitmen's , sir. I make 'intments. "
"What's your ointment good for ) "
"It's good to rub ou the head to strengthen
the mind. "
"What effect would it have If you wore to
rub some of it on my head I"
"Nono at nil , sir ; none at all. Wo must
have something to start with. "
Assorting Ills
Chicago Tribune : "That's exnctlv what I
came hero for this evening , Miss Mildred. "
The young man laid aside his hat , cane ,
and gloves.
"That's exactly what I came for , " ho re
peated , possessing himself of her hand. "I
want you for my wife. "
"You might have saved yourself the
trouble , Mr. Fail-ball , " exclaimed the girl ,
taking her baud away. "I shall never marry
you. "
"Anothervora of back-talk llko that , " said
the young baseball umpire , quietly but lirmly
passing his arm about her waist and pulling
her bead down ou his shoulder , "will cost
you $ : J5. " _
HoTnokMy Maud.
fCcw York llcnitd.
He took my band , I dropped my eyes
Women are timid , men are wise
I tlarcd not lift them to his own ;
"Your heart , " he whispered , soft the tone
Of murmured question , low replies ;
Around the ci'rclo tllno still files.
'Twas I've wiser
years ago grown
Ho took my bund.
I lost my heart , but why these eiubst
Love came to mo in ether guise ;
Aiipther partner I have known ,
And ho ho played the game alo-ic ;
'Twas euchre , and to win the prlzo
Ho took my hand.
nnd
Somerville Journal "How do
: you pronounce -
nounco it , 'dapo' or Mepo'l" asked Miss
AVabush , just for Information.
"I usually pronounce It 'railway station,1 "
replied Miss Beuconstrcct , coldly , and Miss
Wabash seeks for information no moro.
A 'thorough Understanding.
Lifo : Ho It is understood thut this is to
bo merely a summer flirtation ?
She Of courso.
He Everything is to bo returned when wo
broik : !
She Everything.
Ho Good. I .think wo may with safety
take a mooullpbt stroll. Will you take my
arm :
' ' ' " i
Ch arming , but Poor Fodder.
Hehoboth Herald : MUs fithol ( the family
absent ) Oh , Hannah 1 I've found aeharminir
little poem. Lot mo read to you : 'Twnrc
heaven to live with thce alone , to feast iiiinu
eyes upon thy smile , to drink the honey of
tbv words "
tlannuh ( the cook ) Law sakcs ! Miss
Ethel , thot'd bo rather light feed. HI think
Ili'd llko roast beef 'nd plum pudd'u better
for my part.
lint-ted. '
Vcnvrr MOI.
He was a douchty milllonalro from the
West so
wild
and
irce.
But alas bo had his weakness , and a
bankrupt
now
is
ho.
Ho wont cast llko a lion , but he's
busted
now
you
SCO.
For bo spent an entire summer at
"SoubrotUivillo
By
The
Sen. "
Soul Craving Tor a Sandwich.
Muasoy's Weekly : Edwin ( as they reach
the summit of the mountain after a long
climb ) Ah , wo are hero at last I What a
magnificent view I At such a time and place
I feel strange sensations an undeniable
longing , a soul craving , ns It were , which
Angelina My dear Edwin , you must want
a ham sandwich I
Italnnin'H Pet Not In It.
Now York Sun : "Cholho wns nearly
drowned In the surf this morning. "
"How ! Undertow ! "
"No ; ho got his cars full of sand and they
pulled bis head under. "
Tlio WlRe Coiuprlsp.
Ho failed for half a million straight
And this was most KUrprlsmg ;
Butrnot so much as was iho sum ,
Ho made by compromising.
Suitable to the Occasion.
New York Herald : "What wcro poor
Mosky'B last words when she Killed him ! "
asked the bcatlo after the ant had told him
of the mosquito's death.
"Ho only said , 'I'm mashed on you,1 nnd
tbcn bo gave a faint buzz and expired , "
Settlctl.
Adam Whcro shall wo go to spend the
summer , my dear !
Eve I don't care about going anywhere.
1 haven't a thing to wear.
Adam Then wo'll go to the seaside.
IteullNtlo
Harper's Bazar : "I hear Bronaon song
'Recited In the Oradlo of the Deep' ut the
concert ! "
"Yos. "
"Old ho do It well ! "
"Ho did , Indeed. It was so vivid that flvo
people left the ball , overcome with bcaslck-
nosu. "
t _
The Liveryman nnd the Liver.
Harper's Bazar : "This liver Is awful ,
Maud , " said Mr. KQwweU. "I'm very * orry ,
returned the bride. I'll tell cook to speak to
the liveryman about It. "
'Jelling No Tnlos.
It Is said that dead men toll no talci.
The ouo who said it surely raves ,
For every moment plainly shows
That dead men Ho In graves.
Knew MH ! Man ,
"Can' I speak to you nlona n moment ,
Skotchlpyl"
"Yes , on ono condition , "
"Granted , and that 1st"
"You don't want to borrow moro than $1. "
\Vli I'M tlio UHO.
What's the use of growling about the hot
weather' Only wait six months and it will
bo cold enough to freeze your nose off ,
Little Tluklcivi.
The Ocean tlrovo bathers don't care a wrap
for the nrudes.
Wheat differs from babies in that It is
novel- cradled until after it trots n board.
Tbo man that does not believe that two
heads are better than ono Is the f.lthor of
new twins.
The middle presents a fine Held of nonpar- :
lions for the f ro'g.
It Is the counterfeit bill thut gets the pass
ing uliinco.
Louk to tlio seaside resorts for trite democ
racy. Thi'i-o every ono Is in tbo swim.
"Do you sunnor.e that Klijnh was literally
trnn.slnted , or Is the account to bo taken llg-
unrlvelvl" ' "It was n ireo translation , I
think. "
Afriar. Incensed at'tho poker plnylng pro-
clivitieof u brother Iriar , went so far as to
cull him a chip-monk.
"Wo have no use for boar stories , " said the
editor. "Our roa'lor * demand something
spicy. " "Well , " "aid the man with the man
uscript , "this story Is about a cinnamon
bear. "
"Well , that's nuout the worst case of elec
trocution I ever came across , " said the editor
ns he looked over the garbled telogram.
"I never appear in but ono roll , " remarked
tlio cockroach ill tbo biscuit , us the cook
shoved the broad pan into the rod-hot oven.
No dime museum manager will ever realize
tbo highest possibilities of bis profession
until ho gets on exhibition a womau whenever
never bad a headache or a corn.
JtllHllIT S.U'IXHS OF YOUTH ,
A Hrl-ht Iden.
Detroit Frco Press : The smart speeches
of children are alwuys off-hand , consequently
they are , as a rule , clover.
A little girl of this city llkos to keep n box
of cm d.v for a long time , but ns It is usually
discovered by the other children she falls to
do so. The other day she wont to her
mother.
"Please give mo a iiieco of camphor-gum ,
mamma. "
"What do you want of it. Elstoi"
"To put In my candy to keep the mouths
out of It , " was the quick reply.
KlIsiV IMIcy Stroke.
Now York Herald : Little Ella wanted
candy , and tliiS is the way she got tt :
"Pupa , you'ro ' iioing to jjiVe mo y cents ,
nren't'you ? " she .said.
"No. "
"Two cents I"
"A'o.1 '
"Ono ccnti"
"No. "
"Then how many cents are you going to
give mol"
"Nono. "
"Wtill , I won't take It. " with emphasis.
After u laugh pupa gives her u nickel.
A Stu-priKc.
3frt. .U. L. liiiiine.
Ho found It Ih his grip ono day ,
Hid softly in its russet case ,
And wondered much whose picture lay
In such a rude , unrcstful placo.
And was It Katie , Maud or Sue )
The handsome drummer looked perplexed ;
Those flirting girls I Perhaps they know
Tbat ho was married were thej vexed !
Then something deep within bis breast
Owned to a thiill of honest sbamo ;
How dared they send this bidden guest )
Ho would return It whoso the name !
Ho looked. Sweet face with pictured laugh ,
Bright , Huffy bair u : tangled curl ,
And scrawled across the photograph , .
In printed letters , "pApaS glrL. "
An Imported One.
Fun : "I'm going to wenr charities , now
I'm eight , father , " said my youngest on bis
birthday , yesterday morning.
"Charities I" I said. "What are they i"
"Tliosohe replied , touching my nether gar
ments.
"O. trousers yes I But why cnll them
'charities I' "
"Because they cover a multitude of
shins 1"
"Yourascall There's a shilling for you. "
KOHBIC'S Discovery.
Carrie 1 < \ KenViam tn H'tilc Awake.
"O , mamma dear I como quick and seel"
How Bessie clapped her bunds In glee.
And pointed where the pine trees high
Grew dark against tbo summer's sky.
Straight up the bill , on through the shade ,
A well-worn pathway had been made
By children , burrvlni ; home from school.
Made 'gainst ' all measurement or rule
It still led up , till lost to view
"Mid trscs whoso tops touched heaven's blue ,
But to the baby down below ,
Straight Into beuven It seemed to go.
For just a moment Bessie's eyes
Were lighted by a glad surprise ;
Then turning , cried with eager nod.
"Como quick I I've found tbo pad to Godl"
Appreciated IIH Value.
Detroit. Free Press : A little Detroit girl
was bidding her boy playmate cood-bye , and
on this occasion her mother told her to kiss
him. She offered him a roguish cheek , and
when the salute was gravely given , began to
rub It vigorously with her handkerchief ,
"Why , Laura , " said her mother , "you'ro
not rubbing ItotT ! "
' No , mamma , " answered the little maiden
demurely , "I'm rubbing it In. "
Kenuirlcnlilo Knllin Off.
Chicago Tribune : Fond Parent Birdie ,
how much does 'oo love papal
Blrdlo T'ousan' million billion 'elllon
pounds. Dot any tandy !
"Haven't any candy this time , Blrdlo , but
I've got a Idas for you. "
"Don't love 'oo speck I"
.
Columbus Post : "Now , little boys , can you
toll , " said a Columbus teacher , "tfhat the
effect of tobacco Is upon the system ! "
Little Bllly.who has wrestled with his first
chew , promptly held up his hand.
"Well , Hilly , what Is the effect ! "
"Makes ye wUht yo wuz Uou.1. "
A I'oi'in Postponed.
DiiU'u li'ftinnkcr.
I want to tell you about my kitten
Tbo prettiest kitten that over purred ;
But I've looked my speller through nnd
through ,
And I cau't discover a single word
That rhymes with kitten ,
Excepting mitten
And that Is old and too absurd.
So tbo only thing for mo to do
Is just to send you what 1'vo written ,
And wait till hho grows to bo a cat "
Tboro are over so many to rhyme with that.
for
Philadelphia Kccord ; "Bessie , " said
papa , "won't you have a little pleco of this
chicken f"
"No , thank you , " snld Bessie.
' What I no chicken ! "
"Oh , yes. I'll have chicken , but don't
want a little pleco. "
A > ! lhlnti-iriotl | ( Knar.
Burdetto : Wlld-Kycd Father For mer
cy's sake , whatever alls the buby that bo
yells so like all possessed ! "
Fond Mother -Poor little fellow ; hols cut
ting teeth.
Mollified Father Is that ulll Sounded u *
though ho was tiling tbo law.
STOHIKS Tor.n JIT .wry.
XATI'IIR'S IIISTIU.KHT.
Editor Ciihlll of the Oakland ( Cnl. )
Tribune , says the overflow In the Colorado
desert Isn't much of u wonder. Ho tells an
Examiner reporter this startling tale : "At to *
I had neglected to mnko u fortune In nmini-
facturlng wine after the Kilkenny theory In
Anaheim , urgent necessity nnd the slier I tt
made mo move on. So , with nothing much
on my mind or my buck , I went over to nn
Apncho rc.icrvation In Arizona to live on on
old Trinity college friend who was an Indian
agent , i found my chum In a state of
nliirnii'd surprise. His Indians were all
drunk and ho hadn't sold them any liquor.
And again , still moro strmiu'o to reliMt > , in
stead of being lighting drunk , with n deslrd
for scalps anil mutilation , they were IIH pleas *
iintiy Jugged us n beery crowd at a turn-
bezlrk. The ncent and I spent three days in
trv Ing to discover the source of supply , but
all wo could get out of the Indians was :
" 'LJmph ! Big d run It como au'itln. '
"At lust , however , by giving a lmir-tlpy
interpreter and a rolling scout a tex of cur-
trldp's and seven red poker chips ihov nn-
burdened tlamselves enough to tmy : "Cum
see ! '
"Wo 'cum seed' after thorn about three
miles out iiiio tint bad lands. There wo found
a hike at lcr.nl a mlle across with a fringe of
dancing Indians around its entire margin.
Nil lalto had ever beoa scon there bofnro.
The water was of a light brown color and
exhaled a pleasing odor which could bo
smellcd a mlle awuv. The Interpreter dip
ped up some of It andolliirod it tons to drink ,
It was liquor -gooJ , bard stuff -noinoililnit
like the poteen of my boyhood's days. You
ilnn' t believe It , eh I Why , the phenomenon
Is easy enough of seientlllo explanation. In
pro-historic ages all that country was thickly
covered with the cactus from which mescal
Is dltllled. Tbo growth was covered with
water and mud hi llmci , and the heat and
chemical forces of the earth's Interior work
ed upon It the process of distillation some
thing as gas and oil are formed beneath the
earth's crust. Then some 'dr.istlo lift of pent
volr.mlc fires' heaved U up to meet the air.
It was n whisky geyser , for It all ais-.tppo.irod
'sitliln n month -ju.it us the ngcatand 1 were
arranging to pipe It Into I'luunlx. "
wr.i.i.
When Colonel Boo Ingorsoll was in Kuropa
last , says the Louisville Commercial , lie visit
ed Westminster Abbey for tbo first tlmo.
As bo was contemplating the tomb of Nelson ,
the gnitlo said ;
"That , sir , bin the tomb of the greatest
naval 'ero Europe or the whole world hover :
Know Lord Nclsoa'3. The marblu sarcou-
gohgus weighs forty-two tons. Hinsldo that
his n steel ivcoptaclo weighing twelve ton * .
lllnside that his a louden casket , 'eririOtrleuUy
scaled , weighing two tons. Hinsldo that is
a mahogany coffin 'old Ing the ha sho. ; of thu
great 'oro. "
"Well , " snld the colonel , after thinking
awhllo , " 1 guess you'vo got him. If he over
gets out of that , cable mo at my expense. "
AYnniiinitker IIH a. I toy.
"Postmaster-Goiierul Wauomakcrls n very
clever man , " Mild Merle Mtddleton. a well-
known iron and steel broker of Philadelphia
to a Chicago Herald reporter. "Ho bus been
clever all his life and made bis first hit when
a. mere lad. There Is an Incident told nuout
bint when lie was employed ns an ollico boy
for a lurg'3 firm. Ho was sent out ono day
to collect a bill from an establishment which
was considered unsound financially. The
debtors gave young Wauamuuer a check for
? 7f > . Ho went to the bank to cot thu money
and was told that there were not enough.
funds to meet tbo demands of the paper.
"If wo cushod this chock , ' said tbo tcllor ,
'tho firm's account would bo overdrawn.
We do not euro to du that. '
"How much docs It lack ) ' sntd the lad.
' 'Hero Is 2.75 , ' spoke up the bov Immo-
diacly. 'Put that to the firm's credit. Then
cash this check. '
"Tho money was obtained , " concluded Mr.
Mlddleton , "and the boy made a big bit , for
the firm fulled next day. "
*
#
LOW XKCK CI.A5IS" .
Ex-Governor Hoard Is ono of tbo best
story tellers in tbo country , says a writer In
the Cincinnati-Commercial. I was in the
party with him on the recent trip to Galena
when the Grunt monument was unveiled ,
and ho entertained crowdK In the smoking-
room going ami coming. His fund of siorioj
seemed inexhaustible. Ono of them that
made n great bit with the crowd is thus told
In the Chicago Tribune : I will rcprodueo
bis words us Dearly us I can remember them :
" 1 was down at u little clambuko In Now
.lersov lost summer and. utter dinner , waa
called on to make a speech. I started oil by
saying thut 1 had eaten HO many of their low-
neck clams that I wasn't in the best sort of
condition to make a speech. sVlica I used
the 'low-neck' clams old
expression - , nn chap
sitting directly across from mo , whoso face
was long enough to enable him to eat oats out
of a churn , scowled at mo and then said in a
stage whisper : 'Littlo neck clams , little
necks notjow necks. ' I paid no attention
to the interruption , and finished my speech.
When dinner was over bo trailed mo nut into
the ball und said : 'You are from Wisconsin ,
ain't you ! '
" 'Yes , ' I replied.
' "You don't have any clams up there , I
reckon ! '
" 'Well , ' I said , 'wo have some , but it's q
good ways to water and in driving them
across tbo country their feet get sore , and
they don't ' thrive well.1
"Ho gitvo mo a look that was worth $1.50 ,
and in n tone of tbo utmost disgust said t
'Lord I cliuns ain't got no feet I'
"Ho turned away , and , approaching ona
of my friends inquired ; 'Is that follow gov
ernor of Wisconsin ! '
" 'Yes , ' replied my friend.
" 'W-a-1-1.1 drawled the old with
- - - man , a
good donl of feeling , 'ho may bo u - smart
man iu Wisconsin , but lie is a - fool
on the seashore.1 "
w *
TOO MUCH IMIIIiailEB.
CjTho fact that n man's public record , even
when praiseworthy , Is not always a sour.
of strength to him as a candidate , writes a
New York \\orld Washington correspondent ,
was once entertainingly discussed by John
A. Logan nnd E. John Kills on a fust rtllroud
truiti between hero nnd Now York , after
General Logini had been defeated for tha
vice-presidency. The two men , though wida
apart politically , were personally on cordial
terms , and on tlio occasion mentioned wcro
talking freely to each other.
"W'hy Is It , John , " nskcd General Logan In
a musing way , "that things go ns they some-
tlmo.t do In politics ! Take my case. I hud n
good record. I had stood with my party In
congress , and hud done what I could when
the appeal was to arms , and yet It availed ma
nothing on that national ticket. "
"General , " replied tbo witty nnd brilliant
Lonlslaiilau , "you gentlemen with long
records , no matter how sound and good , nra
at a disadvantage , Hue nn old baboon. The
baboon , you know , when young , uses his tall
In climbing , but when ho geU old his tnl ) ,
which has grown longer and has stiffened ,
becomes n source of weakness to him , Ho
ran neither climb with It nor drag it after
him. So with the old politician and Ins long
record. Ho can neither climb with It nor
drug It after him , It Is too long and u source
of weakness to him. "
General Logan laughed until his sides
uchcdattho comparison. Ho declared thai
nothing he hnd heard since his defeat had
given him so much genulno comfort.
* *
SBXATOIt I'il.MKIl'H MOIIKSTr.
Back In Detroit they toll a pleasing little
story of Senator Palmer's modesty. Tha
senator was coming Into town from his
nolgh boring farm on on clcctrlo car und bo
eamo Interested la u little woman who sat
next him with n big onndln on her tup , At
the end of the cur's route the senator raised
his hat to Iho little woman and said : "Ah I
madam , permit mo , " She handed over tha
bund 1 1' and followed out of the car. Tha
senator hadn't gone very fur before ho exclaimed -
claimed : "Why , madam , this Is u baby , Isn't
It ! . " The woman answered that It was a
baby.
"Boy or girl ! "
"Girl , " sno answered.
"Well , madam , when this little girl tins
grown to un ugo when Hho can comprehend
what it nil mean * , you mluht tell her that
when she was very young she was carried in
the arms of President Palmer of the Worlu'i
Fulr , "
