Nebraska Newspapers

    iW , THE OMAHA PAIT.T BEE , SUNDAY , /NOVEMBER / 30 , ISOO-TWENTT PAGES ,
SOME CE1S IN THE ROUGH ,
JJright Thoughts Selected from the Papon
of the Late 0. IT , Eothackor ,
HE TURNED THE LIGHT ON SHAMS ,
/
\ Cnusjlo Observations on Mnny I'hnacs
or Kvcrydny LiferniRineiits of
a Proposed Hntlro on the
Irish Movement.
UuStr.J'.E. Huuanl.
It has fallen to my lot to go through the
late O. H. I'nthaoker's papers , to destroy his
private letters nnd such other documents as
l > crtulncd to his personal affairs and Intended
only for his personal use ; such matter , In
deed , as every man would wish should not
bo thrown Into an alley after ho Is dead , to bo
picked up by any prowling band. I have
long deferred the fulfillment of the task ,
through n reluctance born of a consciousness
that It would bo a painful ono. But It hnd to
bo done , und In tlio doing I have found , as I
know I would , much fragmentary literary
work that seems to bo worthy of preserva
tion. Most of this was written during the
last thi eo j ears of bis llfo nnd largely con
sists of poetry , but much yf It Is in the rm-
turo of suggestions for editorial and literary
work.
It was Mr. Itothackcr's habit to Jot down
o pregnant throught as it occurred to him ,
for future use , nnd many of these nro strlk-
Jnly oplgraimnaticnl , whllo others are caustic
criticisms designed to expose the shams and
pretenses of men. Thd fact is rovcalod In
his letters from distant friends that in his
own to them ho frequently expressed the
conviction that his death N as near at hand ,
and doubtless this conviction , resulting from
his frequent illness , accounts for the fact
that much literary work which 'ho had
plan n d was never undertaken , nnd of that
which was begun little was finished In the
permanent form designed. I will endeavor
now to glvo some of tbo moro striking of his
memoranda :
To put n great thought Into rhyme Is llko
putting the Madonna Into corsets.
My heart la so full of love that my lungs
nro empty of sound. My brain Use ready that
it says my tongue.
I cannot write much , so lot mo hurry my
Ideas Into words , The garments may not fit ,
but I hope the muscle will ho thero. If Is not ,
the cause will not bo at fault ,
1 don't llko Christmas because that was
the day on which I was born.
There Is ono commune Yes I Ono that
comprises God nnd man both Infinity nnd
humanity.
There Is as much fault In a clamor as there
is in a glamor. Between the fox-lira of a
volco and that of a belief tbero Is very little
difference.
If some ono could write the llfo of Daniel
do Fee nh Dnnlel do Toe could wrlto it would
ho good reading.
A twilight of literature , lit hero nnd tbcro
by a Chinese lantern. After awhile the sun
mav rise.
Tlio Diet Ilnrto typo a single mountain
peak of .solf-sncrlflca issuing from a dead
level plain of vice.
A composite of many natlonall s with t
distinct characteristic of its tl ° due to
climatic anil political conditions.
Holding the glimmering torch of llfo over
the abyss hcsldo ftho path until it fell from
weakened fingers and was lost llko a dying
star In the darkness beneath.
pVscl lllto n > ghost that had the impudence
to bo allvo without tbo ingenuity to glvo an
explanation why it should bo.
Vitality all rags nnd tatters , but the doctor
is a pretty fair tailor.
A gourmand of character , chooslncr tuo
most dullcato reputation for her dally dish ;
a scurrilous , low-voiced , many-worded past ,
crying her causeless mnlico In a ceaseless tils
cordanuound sustained in vituperation by her
genius of vleiousness.
A morose monotony , lit hero nnd there
With the fulnt semblance of a smile born
Of uneven llattoryj ono who seeks
To make good things seem bad by pretense ,
To make bad things seem good by pretense.
A bloodless virtue , with himself for God ;
A thing of maxims and of rontiy words
That roach all there Is of llfo but self.
Carlyle , whoso genius was dyspepsia In its
most voluble nnd declamatory form.
Contempt of the world Is the youth of In
telligence ; sympathy with the world Is tbo
old ago ot Intelligence. .
Shadow Is the echo of humanity ; the bas
tard of sum and substance.
I have decided at last to quit burglary and
study law. It Is almost the only respectable
way as far as I know by which a man can
steal.
The older ono gets the moro coffins ho
stumbles over In his path.
Llfo is not a mystery. It is plain enough.
That which succeeds it is n mystery , but ono
should live so as to moot cither a mystery or
that which is plain.
The toleration which necessity compels.
Speaking of a father rained by a profligate
con : flu was hanged upon the tree which ho
planted.
At tbo eato of the world there is a lane
lined with old men whb bow pleasantly and
smile rynleal smiles as Youth , with its en
thusiasm , plunges Into the turmoil. And
then they wait until the youth shall return ,
bovtod nnd gray , to bo a part of that same
nuimm hedge.
I mot Mr. Xiongfellow Just before his death.
Ho was In the twilight of his llfo. The
splendid , calm , cool , dusk of his days was
about his head the shadow upon the silver.
Ho was great la the growth of night and Just
as gcntlo and just as true and Just himself as
ho would have been if ho bad been born In
Kentucky instead of la Maine , - .
"When winds and rain send tinsel and gilt
fraud
We look through gaps and see the face of
Uod.
When Abraham Lincoln was the single
star to be socn through tlio rags and tatters
of the clouds in a troubled sky ,
The llcrco words of a moment may
Become the errors of nit ago.
- Mou lese the perfume of our praise ,
But uo'er forget the stlugs of rage.
The South is imperious nnd Impulsive , but
American. Its outburst was duo to an opl-
domlo of constitutional lawyers with the
preachment of sophists and the practices of
demagogues In fault. Out of this grow the
error of the rebellion. It was a political
crutlclsm all passion and no Judgment. At
llrst thu North was a mingling of panto and
enthusiasm. Then it became a cool fighter.
Its factory wheels began to turn and so did
the tide of battle. Thowhlrrof its machinery
was stronger than the roll of southern mus-
Icotry. The resolute practicability ot Its
mills was greater than tuo resolute Impracti
cability of confederate charges. The North
became a great "baso of supplies , " and hun
gry men cannot fight against full granaries.
A prNou a will ted scpulcbra of stone a
cemetery Inhleh Ho , the corpses of past
cilmcs.
Tbo leaders of the Republican during the
summer of last year , w ben Mr. Hothnckor
was engaged upon it , ami who remember his
cnnstto criticism in one of his "Drift" arti
cles of the loaders of the Irish movement nnd
of the movement as well. Know how thor
oughly ho was disgusted with the whole bus
iness , ilo was the sou Of a revolutionist and
ho believed In revolution as a last resort , but
ho believed that revolution meant fighting ,
talking-meant striking blows at the enemy
at homo Instead of perpetually passing the
hat for contributions"in another country , If
Kothnckcr hod gene to Ireland to live he
would not have boon there six months before -
fore ho would have been sentenced for llfo to
Vnu Dlcmon's laud or hung , if the uprising
which ho surely would have stimu
lated JU1 not succeed. Some time
before his death bo planned to write
a sutlrfl on the wbolo Irish business ,
similar to that caustic , story of his , "Tho Au
tobiography of on Anarchist , " nnd I llnd in
his papeis u great many notes of the points
lie Intended to make and a little moro than ono
finished chapter. The notes and suggestions
1 will glvo ilrst :
Show the gradual growth of nn Irish pa
triot from enthusiasm and recklessness to In-
tcnso selfishness and cunning , hi thoie a
cbniigo of nature \\lth years )
I presume there comes a tlmo lu the Ufa of
every IrLsh patriot when bo Is at the forking
of the roads and has to dccldo whether ho
will KO to America and earn his living or stay
In Ireland , got Into parliament and have
America send his living over to him.
I am an Iilsh patriot. I was not born so ,
but I caught on to the profession when !
groiv older. I was hungry and Icouldu't see
anything else in sight. I shall never dlo pur
posely , or commit tlio Indirect sulcl do of los
ing my will power , but-lsn't itanuisancol
They hung him. livery year wo reward his
noble patriotism , by collecting funds and
passing resolutions ,
Ireland has bled almost over since I can
remember. Kutbor than have it break its
record and not bleed , I would blood It myself.
1 have done so. The Irish cause Is the only
causa that never had an effect.
An Irishman always has a good heart when
ho U itoor. lie loses It when ho becomes
rich. ( Dwell. )
The peculiarity ot tholrlsh charactcrwhlch
makes a rich Irishman patronize a poor one.
and halo one who Is ilch. Is this \vhyall
rich Irishmen associate with the shanty
Irish Just to feel n pleasant superiority und
enjoy the unbroken How of llattcry.
Captain Moonlight behind the hedge and
overhead. Did ho dlo In valnl NoVo
raised . 00,000 for a suffering patriot who
needed the carlsbad waters for a month ,
whllo his mother took temporary advantage
of his absence to starve , thus helping his on-
cmles
You drop your fund In the slot and see how
U work . It works you.
I nm nn Irish patriot of American and
HnglWi parents. The ono thing the great
link that binds mo to the great Hue of Irish
patriots Is my dcsiir for funds. Can you
ask any better pioof my loyalty ?
P. S , Mv mother does not need anything.
If she did I would taito up a collection rather
than have her suffer.
John Mohn Mahoney , carried to his grave
on Irish shoulders , but accused of dishonesty
durinir his lifetime by Irish tongues. Stephens
teaching school In Purls , poor and neglected.
Send him on nsccrct mission and have him
betrayed by these who sent him.
The best way to free Ireland Is to free it
from thu Irish.
I love Iinland by profession. IJoIwork ?
Yes , I work the Irish.
Any Irish movement can bo stopped , not
by arms , but by the British civil list.
Make a point In alternating chapters of the
really earnest Irishmen.
Ills success not entirely duo to personal
merit , but to the fortunate fact that his
father was hanged. Envy of other agitators
at this advantage.
If there nro two Irishmen In a conspiracy ,
ono thine Is sure , each' will bo breaking his
neck in the rack to inform on the other.
If England were suddenly to accede to
Ireland's demands , what n number of patriots
would be depriv cd of a livelihood and bo com
pelled to seek other means of suppoitl
In this great case of rags vs royalty -this
adjudication of [ icasaiit und prince the fault
lies la thutyou can never reach It by lows.Jus-
tlco can llnd its level , but p.ieh man must find
his own mountain and , when ho llnds it , ho
will find it a very cold placo.
Tbo raven has been taught to rctriove most
creditably ,
A lady In Alton , Mo , gnvo birth to a round
half doren of children recently , four girls and
two boys. "Mother and children doing well. "
It Is said that In the northern lakes of
England the teen has been taken fortv feet
under water upon hooks halted for a largo
trout.
Twin plrls wcro born In tbo retreat for the
sick at Norfolk , Na , tno other dav who
weighed a pound and a pound and a half re
spectively.
Rupert Hansborough , of the flrm of Crow-
ley. Hunsborough & Co. , leather dealers , of
Chlllicotho , O. , Is the possessor of a natural
curiosity in the shape of a cow which gives
black milk.
A monster grapevine at Athens , Ga , which
covers moro than a quarter of an acre , has
been known to produce cnoiiRh of grapes In a
single year to make 100 gallons of vv mo. It
It was planted by Prof. Rutherford thirty-
two years ago.
Two years or more considerable publicity
has been given to und no Htllo intcicst ox-
citcd by tbo discovciy of red cotton and the
efforts to perpetuate Its growth , says the lial-
timoro Manufacturers' Kocord. According
to the latest report the several attempts have
been successful in the main.
A planter in Alpharetta , Ga , nas nn acre
of cotton , every stalk of which is said to beef
of a deep red color , leaf , boll and bloom. This
novel crop Is the product of seed derived
three years ago from twobtalks of red cotton
found In a Hold of cotton. If this variety can
bo jiorpetuated it will likely mean a fortiuie
to the successful planter.
An old Swedish woman , by name Marie
Johnson , llving in the outskirts ofLupoer ,
lich. , gave birth recently to her first child
after having been married thirty-eight years
without offspring. The woman claims that
shols sixty dears oljl , and looks every dav of
that age. Tbo physicians declare that , the
case has never hnd but two precedents In the
annnh ot the profession. HMMCKca
Edward Ferrers , nn American resident of
the village of Santa Mogdaleno , Mexico , re
cently dm ; up a notriBcd bee hive. The cells
were perfectly distinct and contained , small ,
irregular shaped bodies which must have
boon bees. Many of thorn contained , besides ,
a thick black substance of nbout the consis
tency of tar , very hard to penetrate and very
swcot and as Inllamable us rosin , and which
beyond n doubt was honey. The hive was
found on the dry bed ot what must have been
a small creek emptying into the Uio do'
Norto.
a The pctilflod body of Miss Ella Sowell was
dug up in a cemetery at t atibury , Pa. , the
other day. The body was found to bo wcl
preserved , and but for the slightly sunken
chocks and marble pallor might have been
taken for that of a sleeping girl. In life Miss
Sewcll was a brunette. When the boay was
viewed the hair was snow white. A carofu"
examination was made , mid it was found tlia
pctrltlcatlon of the body bad taken placo.
Even the flowers placed In the casket were
potrilled , Experts pronounce it a perfect
case of a pctrillcd human body , and glvo as
the cause the damp condition of the ground
caused by the Hood of June , 18S9.
A singular phenomenon is described In a
Scotch journal. A particular species of wil
low trco was in llovvcr , and attached to
those blossoms , which resembled an old-fash
ioned bottle-brush , were a largo number of
the "big black bumble bee , " with which ev
ery schoolboy is familiar. They remained a
whole day sipping the extract of juice and
then dropped helplessly to the ground , hard-
Iv able to move , and the next morning were
almost dead from exposure. Ono was ob
served to climb a vertical board of a few
inches and when near the top to throw out
his legs and fall back after the manner of the
ordinary Inebriate.
An omnibus driver ono day found n little
rat In tbo hay loft. As it was of a piebald
color , ho spared its life and took it homo. In
coun > o of time it grew nulto tame , and became -
came a great friend of his children , At
night , It used to lie on thorug before the nro ,
and when the flro went out it crept into its
master's bed. The driver taught It to obey ,
him , and at the word of order It would jump
Inty his top coat pocket , and stay with him
all day. Occasionally its owner placed It In
the boot of the omnibus to watch his dinner ,
and if any ono dared touch the food , It would
ily at him out of the straw llko a fierce tiny
terrier. When the rat had grown old end
white , and had lost Its teeth , It still remained
the family favorite , and was fed just as If it
bud been a baby.
The Hartwell ( Ga. ) Sun relates this curl-
father's house is a largo rosebush , and whenever -
over ho walks In hU sleep ho gets up , takes a
pillow and quilt or coverlet off the bed nnd
carries them to the rosebush and spreads
them down underneath that. A few nights
ago the writer was thore. The little boy was
lying on his bed uslocp , but the family had
not retired. When wo were conversing the
boy got up nnd pulled a coverlet and pillow
off the bed. Wo wcro told to watch him. He
walked out of the door and straight to the
rosebush , where ho deposited the pillow and
coverlet , Ills mother called to him nnd told
him to bring them back in the houso. Ho
obeyed , and lay down on the bed without
over awaking. Ho has done this many
times. " _
The chaplain for congress seems to pray
hard enough , but still he does no good ; not so
with Dr. Bull ; nls Cough Syrup has never
failed to euro the most stubborn cough or
cold.
cold.No
No euro , no pay U the motto of Salvation
Oil because It euros ovcry time. Prlco 25
oenU.
THOUGHTS IN LIGHTER VEIN ,
A Few of the Many Punny Things tlie Wits
Are Baying.
NOT THAT KIND OF A CHICKEN ,
Johnny 1Vnn More nntrrpriiltifi Than
Generous A Snfo Inference Ills
Dreadful Fate A Hoy's Com
position Not Willing.
Jeweler's Weekly ! "Wun Van How
muchco smallco lavvtchl
Jowelcr Seventy-seven dollars.
\Vun Yam Mo no takco. Buy clock
tltcoes big two dolleo.
Dnvfti to n Fine Point.
Indianapolis Journal : Uncle Unicode Sav ,
Is that there dwarf really as little as the pic
ture makes him out )
Sideshow Shouter As Httlol Did you say
little ) Wy , old man , that dwarf u es a
postage stump in tuo place of a poms plaster.
Wondvrs of Holcnoe.
Now York \Voaklys Lady Do you take
instantaneous photographs !
Photographer Yes , madam ; I can photo
graph a humming bird on thu wing , or a
swallow in Its lllght.
Lady 1 want niv baby's plcturo taken.
Photographer Yes , timdani. dot the little -
tlo fellow ready and 1 will prepare the chloro
form.
A Donbtlnl Compliment.
Chicago Herald : Apropos of stories , there
nro some funny ones Rohih'ttHo rounds nbout
a woman who Is the nutorcss ot a most
charming eoolc. She is very enthusiastic ,
and not long ngo at n dinner party said :
"Men In tills country don't Know how to
lovo. If you want to sec real love you must
go to Hussln ; there a man savs , 'Bo mlno or
you -A ill die. ' " Spoken dramatically mid
with her eyes Hashing , everybody looked im
mensely Interested until u courtly old gentle
man rose up from his chnlr and bowing most
graciously , responded : "O , madam , how
thankful we are that you caiuo back to this
country allvo. "
Encouragement I'or Jaok.
Jeweler's Weekly : Amr Iseothat tliero
Is a female minister In Cincinnati. Now ,
would you call her a clergyman or a clergy-
woman ?
Jack O , a clergyman. There's no such
word as "clergywoman. " The word "man , "
you know , oinbiaces "woman , " too.
Amy Docs It realty , J nek i How nice I
Seriously
Lnlly Spongcc Something seems to bo the
mattaw with the balance of mo wuwcth. "
Jowelcr Sharpe YeI'm gtaJ you brought
It back , I'll Ireeii U till the balance Is set
tled to my satisfaction.
A Prize Hoy.
Smith Owy & Go's Monthly : Dollvcr I
believe I have the most renuii kablo six-year
old boy in the country.
Brindle ( getting wearvt. rull of funny
ways und smart sayings. 1 suppose I
Deliver. Not u bit. That's what he's re-
nmrknblo for.
Epoch : "Take hick the heart thou
' "
gavost'
"Why .should I take it back ! "
There was a hush of expectancy nnd the
listeners leaned far out over the vcrunda to
catch the dying note ot loves lyric. ' 'IJe-
rausc , " cn-no the reply , wafted softly on the
wings of evening , "bocnuso the boarders
won't ' oat it. " It was the btitcuor.
Not That Ilinil of a Chloken.
Judge Cousin Nell ( Inculcating gener
osity ) Simpering your ( hickcn should lay n
nicoegg , Tommy , would jou give it to mol
Tommy No ; I'd soil lttoB.irnuui. That
chicken's a rooster.
A > nfo Inference.
Puck : Friend of the Family Somebody
told mo that your son Geor u was now a
prominent ilguro In politics out In Indiana. I
bopo ho is sound on all the great tnoial issues
of the day.
Paterfamilias I think so. He has Just
been defeated for congress.
A Congenial Occupation.
Smith , Qrav & Go's Moutnly : Mag Are
yo viorhin' , Chimmvi
Chimmy Soytenly ; I'm workln' lr a soot
nn' ulouk fuct'ry , over in Willlamsboyg.
Mag Wet doln' I
Chimmy Qlvln' Jacket-makers do sack ,
sool
His Dreadful i-'ntc.
Chicago Times : "A Texas Jury has given
anmnn verdict for $10.000 for the loss of a
log , " said Bulger "That's too much , "
"Not a hit of it , " said Bowser. "They
oucht to have given him twice as much , for
the leg loft to him will hereafter bo useless. "
"Why BO 1"
'Becluw nil tf "h s 'r ends \vlll spend the r
tlmo pulling iu"
A Shrewd Move.
Qenorul Managftr : A. You see that fine
house 1 Tbo man who owns It made all his
money as a cab-driver.
B. How dla ho manage to do itt
A. Easy enough. Ho uiado it a rule to
know the exact minute when the train loft in
which his piissenger-was going , and reaching
the station nt the very last moment the pas
senger could not dispute with him , no matter
what ho charged.
AVns Competent.
Arkansnw Traveler : At a rooont examina
tion of u young man who applied for n certtt-
cato admitting him to the active Held of edu
cation , the examiner asked :
"WhatIs n compound fraction ? "
The man replied : "A compound fraction Is
a fraction of a fraction and paitakes of the
nature of tlio verb and najootlvo. "
"That's u now way of ansvmlug the ques
tion , " said the examiner , "but I reckon you
nro right. "
Tlio Poetry That Pays.
Kate Field's "Washington : Poet { opening
his mailJ-Orcat Scott 1 I The Squonchery has
refused my noble poem , beginning :
Wild through the lonely chambers of my
soul-
Poet's Wlfo ( opening her mall ) Never
inmd. my dear , hero's $10 from the Wavmcd-
Overland for a trillo I sent it , beginning :
You bet your boots , old pard , thot's sal
BoglnnliiK Ijojilslntlvo "Work.
Pittsburg Chronicle : "You haven't taken
your seat in tbo legislature yet , have voul"
asked n cltl/cn of n uowly-olocted member.
"No , " replied the representative ; "tho leg
islature hasn't mot yet. "
"Then how comes it that you have Intro
duced n BUI already 1"
"Introduced n bill I"
"Yes. I heard you say to a young lady ,
'Miss Blank , allow mo to introduce my son ,
William. " '
A Hoy's Composition.
Now York World : A man wlch was the
sheriff on a Jail his prisners hop' a gtttln out
nltes and steclln1 hens , cos the lall waent
strong enough to hold em Inside. So the man
ho said , the man did : "Ho put n stop U > the
littio game hartyrsl" nnd ho had a ether cote
of paint put on the jail. But the artist bo
bad put some salt into the paint , and some
cows came along and licked the paint ol off.
and then thoprlsncrs got out a other time and
steeled moro hens. Wen the sheriff ho soon
what they bad done he was so angry ho sed :
"This alnt no place for thcofs , you hot , so
you follow has got to cither behave your
selves or llto out , and russlo round for yor
bash best way you can. "
The Boy Got It Afterward.
V Dexter Gazette i Accrtain Dexter man isn't
a success as a niouser. Furthermore , ho has
a young son who has shown himself sbocK-
inuly deficient In the way of compassion for
the suffering , The other morning a mouse
crept cautiously from the open door ot the
ccllarway , Tbo man of the Louse grabbed a
broom , carefully noised bU weapon and
launched a mighty blow at the ventursomo
rodent. As ho struck bis too caught in a rug
und away ho gaily went , head flrst , bump-
thump-bang to the bottom of the collar
stairs. As ha was trylufr to remember
whether It was last year or day before to
morrow , ho became conscious of a face nook-
ng over the door till , a face quizzlcd with a
twUt of demoniac glee. A pause , and then
the shrill voice of his youngest chirped , "D'jro '
git Mm d-a-a dl" \
Tlio YOUIIK Mind.
Caps Cod Item I A thunderstorm was pre
vailing ; the sky was dark and the rain fell
In big drops , The lightning was vivid and
the thunder's < tccp-toned , reverberations wcro
nwo-lnsplrlng. Llttw George , sitting near
a manly little fellow strove to conceal his
fears. Suddenly n bright Hash of lightning
Illumined the room , Immediately followed br
a heavy crash of thunder. Ocoigo was visi
bly disturbed. Turning to bis mother ho
said : "Mamma. I rfdn't think God Intends
to kill us ; I think hot Is only trjlng to scare
U5' "
' i.
On LosliiR a l'rlcnrt.
Jf < irn/0. Fortcr.s
And shall I ne'er ngiitu behold the old famil
iar fount
And grasp mv frlend-my staff and stay , ray
shelter in the storm )
Can I not for ono moment lay my hand upon
the head
Of ono that I have loved for ycaw , | tlut
stayed when others lied ?
No ; best of friends must pirt , though hearts
bo rUen wldo with grlot ,
And sighing for the loved and lost will bring
me no relief.
I how my head to cruel fate , but aye I'll ' curse
the fellah
Who robbed mo of my dearest friend ray
faithful old umbrella.
Not Willing.
Sajs bould Barney Mllllian
ToBlddyMeSiiilllir.ni ,
"Ouch , faith I It's myself would bo lolkiu' ' a
kiss.11
Cries BlddvMcSnllllgnn ,
"Yc'd bclthcr bo still agin ;
Ol'llnot becndoorin'tmclitrateuontas this. "
"Arr.ihldoJtest Biddy ,
Uoalsy , be stlddy ,
Indadc , it's no use to be uclln' lolko this.
Ouch ! scratch a man's nose off ,
An' ' tear all his clo'cs olT ,
It's & deal uv a'row to bo glttiu' a kiss. "
'Go ' Mr.
'way , Barney ,
No more of jour blarney ,
Or lustid uv u kiss yo'll bo glttln' a ktcle.
Ould rod-headed H.irnuy ,
Yer waitln' your blarney ,
Pur hero comes the misses I Ach I Barney ,
bo quick I"
by Ginpcvlnc.
Pittsburg Dispatch : About 2 o'clock this
morning Mary Ann heardn noise in the lower
partot thohouso and canto down ctuirs to
see what was the matter. She found the
hay of the house leading a paper upsides
down and nervously tapping her foot on the
lloor ,
"What are you doing , mum ! "
"Waiting for the lotuins , Mary. "
"For thu returns , mum ! "
"Yes very full returns , Mary. "
And sura enough ho returned an hour later
about as full as a man can trot election night.
Her Heart Trouble.
Elnghaniton Lender ; Said ono Front
street phi to another iccently : "At ma's
suggestion the doctor called today and had a
little tulk with mo. Ala hus been worrying
about mo lately , you icnow. vYcll , the doc
tor said ho had reason to suspect that there
was something the matter witu my heart ,
and hen \ I expressed a degree of wouuer
that he should find that out ho looked sur
prised and asked mo if I'd knonu it before. I
ussuied him that I had good reason to know
of it , and when ho asked mo about the symp
toms I tolil him that I'cxpericnceii considera
ble iluttei Ing and quicker pulsation , espoc-
lally towaid 3 o'clock In the evening. Ho
didn't know what to Iriako of that , so I told
him that was the hour when 1 expected
Charley. Ho got up ut that and prepared to
RO , and somehow or m.tycr I fancied that ho
looked cheap as he took his departure. I
guess ho was a little dLsapnolnlcd because ho
wasn't the flist to discover my heart
trouble. " " _
Dr. Birney cures catarrh , Bee bldff.
The pulpit is ruightthr than the stump.
_ A biblical weapon the axe of the apostles.
Tlvro will Lo no theater Hats nor plug lints
in heaven.
If the devil were not aided bv dyspepsia ho
oould not do enough business to nay for keep
ing UP lll'C.i.
Some people sing in metro lonp ,
" 0 Lord , Thy \vlll bo done ! "
But when it comes to doing it
They're busy with number ouo.
Cora Wonder "vvtiy the pretty younp min
ister calls us the "lambs of his fold I" Dora
On account of the sheep's eyes we are always
casting nth im , I presume.
"The idea 1" said the African missionary ,
Indignantly. "What's the 'matter ! " "Tho
idea of sending celluloid poker chips to aid
the heathen In an ivory country. "
The boy with wisdom post his years
Now looks nbout with care to bee
Which of the Sunday schools appears
Most likely for a Christmas tree.
Lawson I hear Mr. Soeuso has discontin
ued his liberal financial aid to the Chuah of
the Holy Fashionables. Dawson Yo ? ; ha
has entirely recovered from his danpirous
lung trouble. His Doctor says ho will llvo for
years.
years.O
O , how J love my teacher's face ,
O , how I love to pray 1
O , how I love this life of gracol
O , how they'll miss mo from , ibis place a
Just after Cbilstinas day.
Hov. Dr. Frcshlelgh .My dear Mr. Samp
son , what was the nameof that beautiful
hymn you plujed Just after my sermon last
Sabbath ! Sampson ( the organist ) O. it was
called , "Ho Oiveth Ilis Beloved Sleep"-or
nothing ooraonal , you know , doctor.
Florence , is a little girl who Is just learning
to go to chuirh. I ast Sunday when she came
homo her mother asked her what she thought
of the sermon. "Ugh ! " was the Irreverent
answer ; "mo sltted an" " slttcd an' sittod , anr
got drefful tired , an' the p'cacher said an' '
Biiid an' said an' Ueeped on snjinV
"I have to make the announcement this
mornire , " said the minister , "that our dear
brother In Massal-hmd has written mo that
the heathen nro so sparsely clothed there that
ho finds very little use for pearl buttons , and
ho Dogs that the congregation -will rcfrali ;
from contributing them as generously as
heretofore. "
St. Peter ( reading card ) Mnr.v Ann
Swipes ; ago , forty-eight. Methodist. Cor
rect. Siiliit of Mrs. Swipe * Dear mo , I
iccl sostiango : Whore do laltl St. Peter
Third row to the left ; right back of the
Baptist benches. Spirit What 1 Does the
Methodists sit behind the Baptists ! ( Firm
ly. ) I don't want to go In.
"I hope , " said Mrs. Dingbat , 03 she began
to put on her bonnet , "that you me notfoing
fishing this .Sunday morning , William , hut
are coming to chwtn.vvlth nio. " "I am going
to church , Sarah , " replied William , donning
his overcoat. "I liavti b6como Impressed with
the belief that it Is a man's duty to attend
service Sunduy niornlnfc , and to put aside the
pleasures of the world for a tlmo. It costs
nothing and does ono good" Besides that,1'
ho added to himself , "Uio tldo isn't right fo
ilshlng till after dinner , "
I once found a preacher to suit mo ;
Ho was eloquent sound as a rock ;
But the feature thdt tickled my fancy
Was the way ho roasted his llock.
Such a ono was dishonest as blazes ,
Such and such , undeserving the name
Of course no addresbes were given ,
But I knew 'em , you bet , Just the samo.
I had thought to unite on probation ,
But before I could Ijring it to pass.
This Ideal preacher got on to my trail ,
And sketched mo iu full as an ass I
Dr. Dim cy cures catarrh Bee bldg ,
The Growth or Ijondou.
Ono of the most singular facts about
the growth of London is its ropularlty.
It may bo roughly taken that every
month about ono thousand houses nro
nddcd. In August of this year 705,677
houses had to bo supplied by the water
companies with wntor ; in September
that number had incronsod to 700,707 ,
In August of Inst year 764,4(1 ( i houses
had to he supplied , or 11,113 bolo\v \ the
number in the same month of year be
fore. In September this rear tlio com
panies hud to supply 10,700 houses moro
than In September of 1889. Tula exten
sion IB not con 11 nod to any ono portion of
the capital , but a preference la Btlll be
ing Bhowii for the north and northwest
suburbs.
IDE FRUITS THAT n EAT ,
Tha Trade of Today and Twenty Years
Ago OomparoiL
A DECIDED INCREASE IS SHOWN ,
The Supply nnil Dcnihtitl U I'nr
Greater In Proportion Thnn tlio
liici-cnsc Intlio Country's
Population.
"Well , It Is not only rctnarknble , but Is
really wonderful how the fruit trade of this
countiy has grown In the twenty jcnrs last
past , " said an Omaha fruit dealer the ether
day , and that assertion , so earnestly uiado ,
Interested Tun I5ic man to the extent of an
Investigation.
A aozon or more small dealers , and n score
or inoro porambulntors , whoso voices may bo
heard on almost every street corner In the
city singing praises to the sweetness ot their
vvurcs , never forgetting ; to add the cheapness
In price , ere visited mid tnlkcd with nbout
the fruit trade ot ted y and of twenty years
ago. Very many of the dealers In Omaha
know nothing of the trudo yean ngo , but oc
casionally a veteran Is met , mid then Informn-
Ion of nn Interesting nature Is secured. To
one of these veterans Tun Bnr. Is indebted for
much ot' tlio information gained. Ho Is a
wholesaler now ; twenty jours ago If , ns a re
tailer , be had sold hilt as much fruit as some
of the small retail dealers of Oinnha do
today bo would have been classed ns a whole
saler and a monopolist. Hut ho was thed
only a retailer , nnd ho laughs now nt the
plcajuno trade ho enjoyed. Bo was nskod if
the trudo hnd increased faster and proportionately
tionately greater than had the population of
the country nnd he answered :
"Well , bore In the west , where the prQWth
In population bus been all but phenomenal
from year to jear.lt issiifo to say thattno
fruit trade has Increased tblily times faster
than bus the population , and in the
last , wheio the growth of the country hn-s
been slower , the trade has increased SUO per
cent more thnn the population bus increased. "
JS'uturally enough tbo next question wus
suggested by his answer to tlio first , und ho
readily iNcrlbed the maikcd mcraiso in the
fruit tnulo to the cheapness of fiult and to
trio cultivated palates of the people for ,
indeed , an appetite Tor u great many kinds of
fruit , with u great ninny people is what wo
are pleased to term cultivated , A pieat many
nc-quiro a tnsto nnd nppetlto lor ponrs ,
peaches , nectarinei , olives mid the white
' "nibbles" bite and
'grupcs from Just n now
then , thcsnmoas other people lenin to icllsh
touiaioosor the inuskinelon , nndlieii once
thatielish is cultivated it becomes lasting ,
and like tbo fruit tiade itself cotibtautly
grows.
The most of us have an idea that the ma
terial development uf Lower California has
hud n pivat deal to do with the development
of the fruit trade , and It has , but not to so
great tin extent ns we Imagine. The bulk of
fruit sold in Omaha docs not conio from Cali
fornia , though tons upon tons and scores of
car loads iiro received from there each year ,
tbo bulk of the fruit comes from the oust.
Take the year through and the receipt of
bananns in Omaha will average ono car per
day 4r > 0 butanes , -which weigh nbout twenty-
live thousand pounds , and must of the entire
rocclpts are retailed out on thestrcots , though
our wholesale dealers scud Job lots as fnruast
as the Mississippi ilvcr , all over Nebraska
and Into South iJakotn.
In stravvbeiry time , this year , Omaha
dealers icceived two car loads per day for a
period of two weeks , und the demand was
equal to the supply. Haspucirios and black
berries ate not sold in such quantities , but
would be , nodoubt , if the supply was equally
as grout. But the peach tiiulo Is Immense ,
and the season lasted for many weeks , beginning -
ginning with the Missouri crop and ending
with California's surplus.
Tbo cranberry trade of Omaha Is all but ns-
tounding. Not less thun 50,000 barrels were
received last jcnr , sold hi tlio city and sent
out In to country towns , where the trade bus
increased proportionately ns great as in the
mutropolltan cities.
"Twenty years ago , " said ono dealer ,
twenty-five cusos of strawberries would
glut the inarxet of such towns as
b'reniont , Norfolk , Kearney nnd Hastings
but in this ago a half dozen or moro of their
retail dealers will order tvventj * or thirtv
cases u day during the season nnd they sell
thorn nil. It is sufo to sav that the fruit
trade of the countty increased 1000 per cent
iu twenty years , and I mean by thut over and
above the growth In population. "
If watermelons and tomatoes mav bo pro
perly classed as fruit their sale and consump
tion in Omnha would very materially sdd to
the volume of Its fruit trade , and to an
extent far greater than these not posted en
receipts would suppose. Tun BUG man
was shown evidence topro\o the assertion
thit 143 carloads of watermelons wcio re
ceived and sold In Omaha this year , and tons
upon tons of tomatoes , n vegetable that Is
constantly growing into favor with the pee
ple.
Exclusive of the peddlers of grapes nnd
bananas , there nro over flvo hundred regular
fruit dealers In the city -who enjoy a
satisfactory if not a nourishing trade.
Beside the snlo of the Irult men
tioned these dealers sell 100,000 barrels of
npples during tbo jenr. A f od many apples
to bo sure , but us ono dealer put it "not so
many nsvvo should sell , " Ho thought
that Omaha's 140,000 people should eat a
bairol of nnplos each during the year In nd-
dltloo to the other fruit consumed ,
Tim oiango and lemon tradct ns well as the
INlnmsn snipe trudo , increases in fair proportion
tion with the sale mid cbnsumptjon of
other fruit ; in fact there is not a fruit
Ifnown to the market save the currant that
is not grown mm sold to a greater extent
each year , n fact which Is not to the crcait of
the currant certainly.
It is not so very long ago , less than thirty
Years , that voiv many of the provincial
towns of the east could boast of an exclusive
fiult vendor. The tmdo was neaily
nil handled by the procer , whoso stock
often consisted of but n few bands of apples
nud n mixed-or half-nnd-hulf tex of oranges
nnd lemons. To bo sure his dried fruit trndo
was gooJ. nnd his stock commensurate with
it , but the f rcsh fruit in his store would
hardly slock the hand wagon of ono poor
curbstone merchant of today , As the
fresh fruit trade has multiplied tlio dried fruit
trade has diminished and very many grocers
In towns llko Omaha do not have any trade at
all In that lino.
Onoproccr , who has boon In tlio business
for thirty years , said tint his dried fruit trade
was nottiowone-ttnthof 1 per cent what It
was twenty years ngo. Another said that ho
did notrcnieraberof aclllngto onoof his city
customers n dolliu's worth of dried fruit in a
year nnd the country people nro
gradually burlng less of It ,
and more canned poods. "Tho dried fruit
trade Is knocked out. It Is n thing of thn p'nst ,
nnd we have ns many calls for tallow dips us
wo do for dilea apples , " mild another.
' There nro but ftiw families In any city
now but what cat fruit of some kind with
their meals morning , noon nnd night" said
another , "and these who do not nro these
who nro too poor to buy , but the tlmo Is com-
inp when the poor can afford it. "
Such a fruit eating people as we have
grown to ho , with such fruit producing bolls
nnd such fruit ripening tllinatos , will cer
tainly take advantage of soil nnd climate to
produce the fruits they love nnd relish so
much. And If the past Is u fair criterion to
Judge the tuturo by the maiket will never bo
glutted , for the demand hus always cicocded
the supply , and the supply Is Increased each
year.
Fclonco Overcome * Deafness.
Just nowtho medical world Is onpagoc
In discussing- uow device for deafness
called sound disc. No Invention of Into
has attracted BO much IntoiCHt among1
the mctlicnl profession. Its perfection ,
which Is now tin established fuct , has re
sulted in the overthrow of ranny pot
theories of there being no relief for a
vast number of cusos of deafness.
Tills ingenious discovery vvns iniulo by
II. A Wales ol Bridgeport , Connecticut ,
und coming us It does with tlio approval
olsomo ol the lending auilsts of thu
world , it can hardly fall to provo of
great valtio to both tbo profession und
the nfllluted.
Dr. Birney cures catarrh , Uco bldg
N.KFAIRBANK&CO.
DR. BAILEY ;
Graduate Dentist of Years' Experience.
JPAXTON BliOOIil , ONI-A.I-IA.
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SEASON 189O-91
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1511 Dodge Street , Omaha , Neb.
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1316 Douglas Street , Omaha , ! Ne b.
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