1C THE OMAHA DAILY BEE , SUNDAY , AUGUST 24. 1S90.-SIXTEEN VAGES.
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THE LIFE OF THE STOCHBAN ,
How it Begins and How it frequently Domes
to a Oloso.
'
THE DIFFICULTIES OF THE CALLING.
Xho manner In Which Cnrs Are
l , Trains Mudo Up ami tlio
AVugcs tlio Ilnrily Men Ite-
celvo for Uuin it.
Thcraaro few trades or professions at
tended with more danger than that of the
railroad switchman , and the maimed nnil
crippled men about the yards intho city are
the best evidence of this fact. But. notwith
standing , there Is a fascination about the
bustncss.so that when a man becomes a
switchman ho always remains a switchman
uulcss ho Is Idllod , loses a limb orls promoted.
Death frequently occurs out promotion Is
seldom experienced , though a few of the
men by attending strictly to business have
worked themselves lute less hazardous and
bettter paying positions. Switchmen are not
bom ns switchmen. This knowledge of
throwing switches , jumping on moving trains
nnd sculintr car roofs Is only acquired by
years of patient and dangerous experience.
To become a switchman , a man , aa a rule ,
KKiduutos from the position ol a hrakoman.
Ho becomes a hostler , then ho stops to the
position of a fireman and the next step is into
a switchman's shoes.
The switchman Is tlio especial deliggt of
the ladles and as they watch the active young
man , for the switch man is always n young
man , climb up thesidoof a freight car , run
along the top , clamor down the side and opener
or close n switch tlioy look upon him as an
object of more than passing importance nnd
courage.
Like every largo city , Omaha has her army
ot switchmen , allot wham uro tho'bost of fel
lows , big-hearted und Jolly , and men of the
best of habits , seldom looking upon the wino
or mingling In bud society. Indeed , peed
habits nro compulsory , because a rule Is in
force on every road running Into the city to
the effect that If a mini reports for duty when
Intoxicated , or Imbibes the anlunt whllo on
duty , ho IB doomed to discharge , So rigidly
is tills rule enforced that rather than report
while under the influence of drink the switchman -
man will pay a physician f J for n sick cortlll-
cato and Ho oft until ho recovers from the ef
fect ot tils Indulgence. This is not only the
Cuso In Omaha , but all over the land.
Years ago , oao of the mmlitleatlons for a
switchman was to ho ableto nlsposo of as
much liquor as the ynrdmastor. The yardmaster -
master had u mark that ho had to roach In or
der to hold his Job. lie had to bo able to
carry ns much as the roiidniastcr , and the
roadinnstor's exam pear was the superintend
ent. Hut , during Inter years , things have
changed. The great railroad corporation *
found too many wrecked engines and
cars on their hands , and tracing the
cnuso to the root they found that
drunken employes were responsible for a
preat deal ot the damage , lioaco the Iron-claa
rule regarding liquor drinking ,
A.S the boys hurriedly move about tbo
yards their work scorns like child's play but
it Is far from that. They must always bo
ready to go. It does not matter if the Da
kota blizzards are comlug down at the rate
of forty miles na hour , bearing before them
the feathery Hakes of snow , the switchman
must face the storm. If the roofs of the
cars ore covered with Ice , it Is all the sumo
to him. The support of some 0110 depends
upon him hpldlug his position. lie never
thinks of danger not even If death stares
him in the face. If a train Is bearing down
upon the switches ho tends , ho dare not hiwl-
tate , for at such u time to hesitate would
bo to bo lost. Instead of stopping to con
sider the consequences , ho nimbly throws
his switch , climbs upon the car , sets the
brake and signals to the engineer to backup
or KO ahead , as the case may bo.
Practically speaking , all of the switchyards -
yards la the citv are constructed upon about
the same plan , uud the system. Of handling
cars is the same all over the
United States , so that when a man
learns his trade ( for it is a trade ) ,
in our yard , ho has learned it for all the
others , with the bare exception of becoming
familiar with the sidetracks.
The handling of a train is when the work
begins.
Tlio train is pulled into the depot by the
regular crow. The engineer and llrem.m
stop oft the engine. The hostler and his
helper take the machine to the roundhouse ,
and the switch engine attaches to the train.
The cars have been picked up at the smaller
stations and are in n hit nad miss order. One
cur may bo loaded with fruit going to the
Now York market. The next may have on
board a load of tea for one of the wholesale
grocers and the next may bo loaded wltti
hogs for the South Omaha packing houses.
Now , the plan of operation is to get each
car In Its proper place nnd see * , that Is kept
tticro until it is sent on to its destination , or
unloaded at the warehouse to which it is
consigned. To do this without getting things
fearfully mixed , requires as much study as it
dons to niaka the many moves upon the
checker board , for the complications that nro
Ihlblo to arise uro equally numerous ana
moro disastrous.
The switch engine , with its crow of three
men , a foreman nnd two followers ,
backs down , hitches on nnd shoves the train
onto the "ship" track. There It is loft while
the ynrdmnster's clerk looks over the way
bills handed hjni by the conductor. This ro-
quircs hut n short time , nnd with the p.ickago
of bills in one hand ami a piece of chalk la
the other the clerk walks along tlio line of
can , marking this ono to John Smith , the
next to Sioux City , another to Lincoln and so
on until ho hud checked the whole train , which
Is then ready to bo worked over. J
The switching crow then takes things In
their own hands and for a time all is life and
activity. The cars consigned to tho-local
dealers nro sot over on the tracks beside their
respective warehouses , while these contain
ing broken lots go to the company warehouse.
The cars going to tlio nthor roads are thrown
onto the "hotel" track , where they remain
until a train load has accumulatedafter which
they are shoved to their respective yards ,
Frequently when cars oomo la they are m
bad order , that Is , un end may bo broken ina
drawhead out or a broken beam. All such
cars go on to the "rip" track ana the switch
locked by the yard master. There they re
main until they nro repaired , when they uro
pulled out and disposed of.
In each of the yards thcro nro scores of short
tracks connecting with the main track of the
yard. These are known as "leads" mid
are used for setting In trains that are not
ready to bo worked. Each "lead1' has a ca
pacity of thirty-live cars.
In sending out a tram , the latter is made
up in station order , that is , the IUH ; for the
station nearest the starting point nro put
nearest the , engine. Tlioio for the station
furthest out being in the rear or next to the
cnbooso.
Tlio yard master of each yard is the re
sponsible man , though the ' -kick" does not
come directly to him from the man to whom
the contents of the car may bo consigned , it
Mr. B. has a car In the yards , ho wants to
get it to his warehouse at onco. Ho lo.iras
that Jt has arrived and ho at onuo procoo.U to
register a kick with the up town freight
uicut. ; This gentleman knows nothing about
the car. In fact , ho don't know a freight car
from a hand-sled , but he has a man who does
and that man Is the yardmastor. The kick
soon Unils his way to the yuriUand the trouble
is soon disposed of. Those kicks como in
summer and winter and go toward helping
to make the yardmastcr's life one of misery.
The "empties , " or cars after they have
been unloaded , nro pulled out mid set In upon
tlio "leads" nnd made up' Into trains going
oust , west , north or south , depending on
whore they belong or from what road they
jvcro received. When enough to mnko u train
liavo boon gathered on any ouo "lead , " thov
are."milieu . , " that is , the cars are takeo out
und sent out to where they belong.
The signal cede is something that is as old
ns railroading Itself nnd Is the same on nil
roads and In nil iwltchyards. Each slde-
tmek or "load" Is known by Us number , and
every man about the yards knows that num.
ber. so thnt If n car Is to go In to "lead" No
7 , thoynrdmustcror his assistant stands be
side , the train and as It posses holds up one
Imnd and two lingers of tlio other , The
switchman who stands on the rear carcatches
the signal , passes It la the same way to the
engineer nnd as the train backs down near
the open end of tlio "lead , " ho climbs down
too sldo of his car , uulU tug
throws the switch and the car rolls into place.
Ho then swings his hand In a circular man
ner over ilk head , which moans to
"pall up. " The engineer catches this
signal , goes ahead , the switch is closed
and the worlc goes merrily on day after day
and week after weak.
If the switchman wants the train to back
up ho swings his hand across the track. If
it is to slow up the hand Is moved up nnd
down , At night a white lantern is carried by
the switchman and with it the same signals
are used. Should a car bo wanted on the
track scales the engineer is signaled by the
switchman , who crosses his hands. A3
switches or "leads" are on both sides of the
main tracks of the yards , both the fireman
and engineer catch the slgnnls. If the lire-
man catches them ho imparts this informa
tion to the engineer , who then handles his
machine accordingly.
In the early days ot railroading these sig
nals were given by calls , uut as it required
several men to pass them up on long trains ,
this was soon done away with , and the cede
la practice at tlio present time was adopted.
The most dangerous part of tlio woric is
the coupling and uncoupling of the caw.
This requires the men to go into the narrow
space nnd frequently results in the switch
man being killed , or mutilated , for by a mis
step ho may bo thrown down and under the
wheels before the train can be stopped or as
sistance arrive.
The railroads have taken necessary precau
tion , but the men do not take the advantage
of the situation. Coupling sticks have boon
provided , but none but new men will use
them , the old mon preferring to take their
chances. These coupling sticks are of hard
wood and have the appear.mco of wooden
knives , being eighteen * Inches long and two
Inches broad. They are , when not in use , car
ried In a scabbord which is attached to a
broad belt , known as a "harness. " With
these sticks , a switch man can stand bssido
his car and couple , or pull the pin without
any danger of sacrificing life or limb. The
older men , however , will not use them and
when they see a now in in using ono , ho becomes -
comes the butt of ridicule , and , until ho
throws stick away , is Known as % 'a fresh , "
"A trash , " however , ho docs not want to bo
and rather than bo called one , will any aura-
bur of chances of making a painful and rapid
trip to the hereafter.
Among tlio preat army of men employed
about the Omaha yards , accidents are very
few , though nearly every man
who lias been employed any length
of time has something by which
ho is reminded of his railroad career. It maybe
bo the loss of a hand or foot ; It may bo the
loss of a couple of Hngors , or it may bo a
scalp wound received when ho fell from the
top of a car and went through a culvert.
Most of the men who lose limbs or are dis
abled are provided for If they have been
faithful servants. They are given what nro
known as "soft sits , " such as ( lagmon at
crossings , bridge-tenders or helper. ! around
depots und oftlcos , where they receive salar
ies that nro sufficient to keep the wolf soaio
distance from the door.
The switchmen are divided into two shifts
the day and the night. The day men go on
duty at 7 o'clock in the morning and work
until ( J o'clock ut night , whllo the night men
go on at (1 ( o'clock at night nnd work until 7
o'clock in the morning , with nn hour oft for
lunch. Twenty-six days constitute a month ,
for which they receive wages as follows :
Day switchmen , f5 ! per month ; night
switchmen , STO ; day engineers , SiX ) per
montu and night $75. A day's work Is tea
hours , nud nil overtime Is paid by ttie hour ,
the sum being paid In proportion to the
monthly wages received.
Helpers and foramen are paid by the hour ,
the former receiving ' , ' . " 1 cents per hour and
the latter IM' ' , ' , but tw they always liavo work
their wages amount to about the same as the
other employes of the yards.
In tlio Union P.icilio yards thcro are 100
switchmen , thirty-six engineers , thirty-sis
foremen and seventy-two helpers , besides the
ofllcial force which Is as follows : General
ynrdnwitcr , .1 , H , McCoy ; asaUtantyardiim-
tor , Con Hetzlor ; yardm.utor , Hobjrt Me-
Neal ; yardmaster ut South Omaha. , Ioo
Henry , und W. A. Hysaoth ut Council Hluffs.
These men handle on nu average 'J.IVJJ cars
every twenty-four hours and work them over
twenty-iivo miles of sidetrack.
In the Chicago , St. I'.iul , Minneapolis &
Omaha yards where thcro are eighteen miles
of sidetrack and l.MM cars lumlli'l every
twenty-four hours , Kdwnrd II. Jlewott Is
ynrdnmstor , William SniHker night yardmas
ter and Charles Stockhnm yard clerk.
This road , which also handles the Elkhorn
uiid , tbo Northwestern , business , gives em
ployment i- ' yards , to fifteen engineers ,
llftocn foro.u..i , thirty helpers and forty-live
switchmen.
g Transient Teamsters.
Thursday night the incmbersot the Teams
ters' union held a meeting to hear the report
of the committee appointed to visit the busi
ness men of the city for the purposes of se
curing signatures to a potlt.lon , asking the
council to pass an ordinance licensing the
transient teamsters.
The meeting was largely attended , nnd the
report was oae that gladdened the hearts of
all present. It showed that ! i03 of the lead
ing firms of the city had attached their names
te the petition. At the next meeting of the
council this matter will be presented indue
form.
The movement was started early in the
spring , but did not assume definite shape
until a few weeks ago.
The union will demand that all teams haulIng -
Ing for money ho compelled to take out a li
cense. The teamsters say their object is not
to oppress any ono , but to protect themselves ,
They claim that hundreds of non-resident
team-owners are now In the city , working at
wages far below the scale , and by so doing
have practically crowded the resident team
owners out of business. They argue that
these como in from the interior , camp In the
woods outside the city limits , * mid live In
tents , thus avoiding the payment of taxes ,
nnd in they are at no expense they can work
for comparatively nothing.
Central Ijal > or Union.
The following are the officers of the Cen
tral Labor union of this city. President ,
George Wlllard ; vlco president , William
n. Musscr ; recording secretary , William
Scbring ; treasurer , Julius Meyer ; financial
secretary , August Bccrman ; borgcant-ut-
arms , J. O. Tierney.
Board of Directors Oeorgo Wlllard , Julius
Meyer , John Cnrnnhv " , Charles Newstrom , *
William Ooodln , J. W" Baldwin.
The following compose the delegatcb from
the organized trades' unions of tills city :
Iron Moulders H. II. Klrby , James II ,
Young , 13d O'Connor.
Tvpographical Union George AVlllard , N.
S. Miihaii , P. S. Horton.
Tin. Shoetlron and Cornice Workers
David Norrls , P. Southwell. W. K. Smith.
Tailors' Union August Beerman , S. Wig-
man , Oust Nelson.
Wood MachlnlsU-Wllliam Sabring , Wil
liam O'JJrion , Frank Hearock.
Carpenters , No. iiS W. U. Mnssor , John
Nelson , William Mlldon.
Carpenters. No. 71 James Fordico , J A.
Giles , J. II.Tracoy.
Painters , No. U3 James Brophy , G. L.
Rogers.
Painters , No. 103 G. V. Dombrowsl ; ! ,
Charles Larson , Charles Stegonmn.
Cigarmakors J. B. Shupp , O. L. News-
from.
Coopers , No , 1 J..M. Baldwin , James Has-
musscn. H. Christiansen.
Plumbers 0. A. Henderson , T. Swing-
wood. *
Omaha Musical Mutual Protective Union ,
No. ! M F. S. Le3seutin , J. Hoffman , Henry
Dunn.
Saddlery and Hanio sinakers , No. 10 Orrin
Ueclior , P. Kowlz , Thomas Kclsoy.
. .Plasterers No.1 A. U. Cramer , Ben Engo.
KNiaini ) Of i.Aiioit.
Assembly No. O'J , Street Hill way Men J.
C. Monlger , Albert Morrow , Thomas Me-
Gulre.
Assembly No. 720 , Hoi Carrion- . A. J.
Goodln , Peter Blgby , Tim Sullivan ,
Assembly No. .VJJ7 , Musicians Julius
Meyer , II. Irvine , E. Drosto ,
Assembly Mo. am , Clerics P. S. Swlck ,
E. I ) . Tnluiiigo. A. Johnson.
Assembly : i'JM ' James M. Kenney , Thomas
Bennett , K. Cody.
Assembly No. .10793 U. Thorpe , P.
Sweeney , U. Fleming.
Assembly No. J3 ! < r > E. A. Hutherford ,
John Hull John Howies.
Assembly No. 51-11 Jesse Blake , J. C.
Tlcraoy , E. It. Overall.
Assembly No.JiW A , Miller , H. C.Clark ,
A. U. Hammond.
Assembly No.1COC. . Q. i'ltnk , William
Wnlgren , J. II. Erlckson.
The Lollop Cnrrlurs' Convention.
The convention of the National Letter
Carriers' association , held ut Bo. . ton , has ad
journed , and George J. Kloffuer , who repre
sented the Or.mha carriora ns a delegate , has
returned , well pleased with the result of the
meeting.
The convention was held in Pythian hall
and was attended by delegates from every
city in the United States having a free de
livery system. During tlio deliberations a
resolution was adopted by which a mutual
widows' and orphans' fund was established.
A memorial was also adopted asking con
gress to nass a law giving employes who
have passed the civil service examination a
hearing when charges uro brought against
thorn , und before they can bo summarily dis
missed from the service. '
By a unanimous vote the convention re
solved to ask congress to pass a law allowing
carriers the following compensation : S'KM ' )
for the first year , & 00 the second year , $1,000
the third year and Sl/JOO the fourth year in
all cities of the first class.
In cities of the second class , $000 the first
year , $350 the second year and $1,000 there
after.
Some member introduced a resolution to in-
strui-t the executive committee to dr.ift a bill
to bo presented to congress providing for the
pensioning of carriers disabled while in Iho
performance of their duties. Tills was tabled.
The report of the fliimicocommitteoshowcd
that for the erection of the Cox monument in
Now York city the letter carriers have con
tributed § li2i , ( of the $10,000.
Per the ensuing year the following officers
were elected : President. .T. J. Goodwin ;
vlco.president , Hobcrt Sampson ; secretary ,
John 'i' . Victor ; scrgcant-iit-unns , D. W.
Washington ; executive committee. L. H.
Crummor , P.V. . Campbell and George
Sweeney : legislative committee , P. C. Den
nis , Charles W. Morton , George J. Klcffuer
and Wllmo Dunn.
It was decided to hold the next convention
at Detroit , Mich.
Mr. IClolTiier speaks In very high terms of
the treatment received at the hands of the
Bostonlans , Tlio delegates of the convention
were banqueted , driven about the city nad
given an excursion on the bay.
Dr. Birnoy euros catarrh , Bcobldg.
SIXG Vlt.l HI-IA JEfc.
A twenty-threo-pound turbot recently killed
was found to contain no less than Hll'JOl : ! )
eggs.
eggs.Mrs
Mrs , Maggie Ellis , a mulatta of Clmtta-
noogo. TCIIII. , bus given birth to the small
est child on record , It weighs tklrtr-ono
ounces.
A cow belonging to a farmer In Oliver town
ship , Jefferson county , gave birth to three
calves recently , all of which are living und
doing well ,
An elghteen-yenr-old youth nt Cleveland
went to the circus and laughed so much that
he has been unable to stop laughing ulnce.
Do Hors say the show affected Ills brain.
A spider bit John McCSnito of Ilrldgcton ,
Conn. , on the leg a few days ago , The limb
was terribly swollen nnd he raved and frothed
especially when water was brought before
him. His symptoms are very much like taoso
of hydrophobia.
In ISiVl K. II. Blackshear. a confederate sol
dier , wns wounded by a federal bullet , which
catered his bVcast , passed through his body
and lodged In his back. On Juno t3 ! , 1800Just
twenty-six years after tlio uouml was re
ceived , the bullet worked its way out of his
back near the bplno. It was round , weighed
exactly oaco ounce , and was of the variety
known among confederates n "buck and
bull. "
An ophidian reptile has again appeared nt
Red Cedar lake in the town of Oakland , Wis.
About ton years ago It made its Hint appear
ance nnd has been seen but twice glace ,
When it wns Jlr t discovered It was about lea
feet In length , but It has grown to be about
forty feet , it Iws never been scon only just
before dark , and upon the appearance of a
person lushes the water with Its tall to a
loam.
There Is a wonderful well down near
Norte , Tlio force of the water brings up
from the dopthi an occasional lump ot natlvo
silver or a gold nugget. Local scientists
claim that nt a great depth nnd under enor
mous pressure the water Is washing away a
ledge of rock , whose softer parts go into so
lution and f.'lvcs the water its mineral nuall-
ties , but who to gold and silver , not being
dissolved , are brought to the surface in a me
tallic stale.
Mrs. Annie Michel of Columbus , O. , lived
for two years with u Ing iu her stomach ,
She was not confined to her bed but com
plained most of the time of a peculiar sensa
tion la the stomach as if something having
life was moving about. Ono evening recent
ly slm complained of -tickling sensation In
her throat and called n doctor , who by the
aid of instruments formed the opinion that ,
the sensation was caused by tlio presence of
an Immense insect. After swallowing n pow
erful emetie Mrs. Mlckcl wns relieved by the
expulsion of n live frog from her stomncli. It
was about two inches long , almost white and
the hind legs were mis.sing.
Of all tlio roosting places Imaginable the
hands of a clock would seem tlio last place a
bird would seek. Hut , nevertheless , a feath
ered warbler of some description took up
quarters for the night on the Lima ( O. ) town
clock , ami wns as cozy lis a "bug in the rug , "
It was first noticed about 10 ; i0 ! o'clock , and.
as the hands would soon pass , nn Interested
crowd looked on , anxious to know what the
bird would do. Well that bird knew its
business , and when the inlnuto hand drove
up In front of it demurely hopped aboard ,
and , taking a seat on tlio extreme end , rode
safely by. The danger over , It resumed the
former i sitlon on tlio hour hand.
A big hone was unearthed by workmen In
excavating for tlio cast channel span of the
now bridge being constructed by the Wheel
ing ( W. Va. ) bridge company. The bone was
found thoroughly imbedded lu blue clay nt
the bottom of the excavation , fifteen feet
deep and fully eight feet below the depth of
the river. The excavation h butn short dis
tance from the rivernnd is soil that had
probably been undisturbed forages , The
pleeo of bone , which is apparently not complete
'
plete by some two or three feet in' length , Is
fully twcnty-llvo Inches in diameter at its
greatest bulk , a foot through at the moro
narrow parts , und about two and one-half
feet long.
Dr. Dlrnoy cures catarrh , Doe bldfj.
t'O.VA inilAl.f
Snooper Is your wlfo fond of musfc ?
Giuzan Ytfftof chin music.
A divorced husband of Now York sold his
interest in their boy to his wlfo for fIJO'J. '
A Harlem bride received among her wed
ding presents a receipted gus bill of § 17 from
her father.
Under the present statutes of Missouri , a
person can marry , bo divorced and remarrv
in thirty-onodays ,
A well known lawyer of Toronto who Is
about to bo married ordered his wedding
suit , whereupon It was attached by a lady to
whom bo owed § 11 , the payment of which ho
had systematically evudcil , Ills wedding
garments arc now in the hands of a court of
ficial and will 1)0 put up at auction if the mat
ter is not settled.
Strange stories having como to the cars of
D. O. MacPiilt , of Bridgeport , Conn. , con
cerning the habits and character of his wile ,
ho takes a novel method of refuting them.
lie proposes to hire a hall and invite the dis
turbers of his domestic ) pcaro to n public do-
bat u in which hu will answer all charges
wlilch have been nmdo against his slandered
spouse.
A Willlatnsport , Pa. , girl , who , In the matr
tor of beauty and tiflVctloiMto oxhuber.ince ,
was not to say "fresh as first love and rosy us
tlio dawn , " wns asked why slio did not get
married , and tills Is what she said in reply :
" 1 havoconsldornblo money of my own , have
a parrot that can swear , and a monkey that
chew.t tobacco , so that 1 have no need of u
husband , "
Six- years ngo Hcnjnmln W. Lightburn , a
poor young man from Virginia , graduated
from Brown university with Just fl'J in his
pocket , During his university course ho bo-
cnmo engaged to Miss Delhi L. . Carpenter of
Providence. They parted until such time as
Lightburn could earn money to support u
wlfo. Ho went to Kansas City with his $19 ,
entered a lawyer's ofllco , saved his earnings ,
Invested in real estate , and b truck it rich.
Llghttiura has now arrived in Providence to
claim his bride. Ho U > reported to bo worth
$100,000.
Why so many bald-headed inoa nro bach
elors is thus explained by a recent writer :
"There Is a great deal of t.iplll.iry attraction
In love. Girls micro a hnmUomo suit of
glossy Imirj it U lovely. And when a lover
comes to woo her with the lop of his head
shining like a greased pumpkin ( in is ut a dls-
uilruntngu. Just as tlio words that grow und
tlioui-'hts that burn begin to awaken in her
boM > m a sympathetic ) thrill oho may happen
to notice two or three ( lies promenading over
bU phrenological organs , uud all u over.
Girls arc so frivolous. She Immediately be
comes moro Interested In these Illos tlmn in
nil his lovely language. Wlillo Ho Is pouring
out his love and passion slio Is wondering
how the tlios manage to hold on to such a
slippery surfaoo. "
" "
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh , Bee bldg1.
131 VIK'tlKS ,
"How did your father receive mo ? Llhg
tlio prodigal of old. Ho Jumped on my neclc. "
Tcnelicr Who was most concerned when
Absalom got hung by the halrl Tommy Ab *
s'lom.
Sunday School Tenclior ( Irt Kentucky )
Johnny , liow dkt llm forbidden fruit euus *
the fall of mani Johnny They made It
Inter brandy I
"You must bo us quiet ns possible tonight ,
Johnny , " said his mother , "for wo are to
have the minister for supper. " "IIuvo hin
for supper , ehf Well , I hope he'll taslo
good. "
"Ills this Colonel Il'lngcrsolll1' ' usltcd the
cockney. "At your service , " returned tlia
colonel. " 1'ermit mo to hursk you , colonel.
Don't you bellovo there's alien in the hal-
pliabeU"
Hoy. Mr. Wilgus And uro you still firm In
the faith. Brother 1'ottsl 1'otts I ilnnno I
dunno. I have boon a llttlo shaky ever since
that iiiln stopped the em no Just as our club
wns getting tbo host of It.
"Where are all these pcoplo going to , of
ficer. " asked the nnin from up country last
Sunday morning , "to a lire } " "No , I should
say tlioy were trying to got away from one.
Tnov'ro going to church. "
Kovlvallst ( to old Knintuck ) Don't ' you
want to KO to heaven my dear friend * "No ,
sah. " "Whatl Don't you want to BO to
heaven ? Tell mo why. " " 'Cause ' a fellor'4
have to dlo'foro ho could go , an'by gosh , I
don't want to die. "
Why do ministers always taho
The hottest days on which tomaho ,
Sermons forty minutes ions ; ? .J *
Perhaps my reveries are wrong , '
Hut why do all the Jhus In town
Settle on my polished crown ? J
Ami then why do the Hies all think
My head's meant for a skating rlnlc ?
Why , O why *
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh , Bee Lldg1
DOG JIITUS.
\ Woiiiiui Who CIII-RN Tlioni With
Vinegar mid a Hit of Ka r ,
A womim wrltoH to the Now York
Tribune : 1 linvo boon bitten by clofa
repeatedly , once Hoveroly. A pot
a iiolfjlibor'b was very nick and i was at
tempting to relieve It. It bit mo in the
loft Uitiin just below the nail. That
inambor bocuino black as fur ilown aa
tlio wrlHl. It remained KO until the null
came oil. Tlio owner talked of hydro
phobia , nnd mild that tlio do ? had not
tasted water for two weeks. Had I boon
afraid I should no doubt liuvo taken
norvouB litH and died. Tlio verdict would
liavo boon "hydrophobia. "
Hut I uimply applied a solution of
"salt unil vinegar , " a little moro vinegar
than Halt , washed the wound w.th It ,
then tied a clean raff around the thumb ,
keeping it saturated well with the solu
tion , and moved the ragBO tiiat a fresli
part covered the wound at Intervals.
Tills remedy was once applied to my
wrist by a colored wonifln in tlio south
for a uniiko bite. My arm WIIH then
blank-hard and painful , Tlio icincdy
acted like a charm. In two hourn the
deceleration had disappeared and with
it the pain , and only the noodle mark
whore the fiuifj had entered was viulblo.
Again , I was bitten by a weasel In the
Grand Central depot. A girl hud it in
a bag1 and hud placed it on a scat ni'Xt to
inlae , remarking that it was a kitten.I X.i
placed my hand on it. Quicker than
thought a couple of tooth ptmcturi'd the
joint of my loft forefinger to the bone.
I compollud the girl to toll mo what wna
in the brig. My linger wns badly mvollim
and painful before 1 reached horn , Kojno
hours after , I used Uio'smm < tdinplu
rt'incily , with the name speedy rcmilt.
Dr. Birnoy eurca catarrh , I3co bldg ,