THE UfllAJO-a. JLT.OXUX iiJiJi. SUJSJJAVj' U'GUST 24 , 1SOO.-SIXTEEN PAGES.
tx > vo found thorn * lttlnp In a woodland vlnoo ,
Hla amorous bnnd amid her poldcn tn-sscs ;
And love looked smiling on tier golden face
And nwUtcned eyes upturned to his caresses.
* { 0 , sweet I" she murmured. "life Is utter
* ' blU .
"Dear henrt , " he sold , "our golden cup runs
A over. "
"Drinlt love , " she cried , "and thank the
for ttils. "
Ho drained the precious lips of cup and
lover.
JLovo blowcd the kiss , but ore ho wandered
thence
The tnntcd blossoms henril this benediction :
"Love lies within the brimming bowl of
sense ;
Who keens this full has Joy who drains ,
amictlon. "
They board the rustle as nesmlllnR fled ;
I She reached her baud to reach the roses
blowing.
Ho streu-bcil to take the purple grapes o'cr-
bead :
Love whispered back , "Nay , keep their
bonutios trowing. "
They jiauBcd and understood ; ono flower
pmai nl ono
>
ex- They took and kept , and Love flew smiling
over.
teed Their roses bloomed , their cup went brim-
jnny mine on
She looked for love within and found her
lover.
SEBGEAM GORE.
n
' Into
Ivecp- LeEoy Armstrong in Scribncr'a Maga
i was zine for August : Enlisted men in the
1 took
She regular army do not indulge in much
anil courting of nny kind. These sons of
bat I
Mars who hold the outworks of the
I tears 'realm nro not often nITordod an oppor
. two tunity to court even danger. Fninothnt
.
[ with.
n Kh is supposed to lurk in cannon's mouths ,
the there to b3 sought by aspiring young
It gentlemen who make a living by the
. bo-
-
ioit oxtlngulnhmc'iit of other aspiring young
fish gentlemen , ia a thingso rarely heard
Meet nboutintho army of the United Slates
blc.is-
- that sluggish blood , tamed by some drill
nnd much fatigue , is never moved to
deeds of daring. Fortune is , if passible ,
farther away than promotion , for the
: XT.
legions are not munificently rewarded ,
cncr and the soldier who can loan money is a
porsomigo certain of di&linetion.
iciflo And as for courtship , which involves
of a gentler , fairer BOX , that is quite out of
la the question. At their quarters , in the
prner tedium of walkincr " post , and on the long
a si- rides down the "valley when "mounted
PCOW- pass" rewards good conduct , some of the
men mny cherish those dreams of fair
rmcn- women'but they always sot the beacon
rcllo
[ Ho of their felicity far in the future when
captivity shall have turned to freedom.
jnion
from But now and then even the ignoble re
cruit in the regular army finds an object
[ coin- about which ho may moan and dream.
fol- It may not be a fncevor figure that would
tiond- inspire great deeds in those who have
the more frequent views of women ; but
bcautv is a matter of comparisons. The
sides "handsomest woman in the valley"
wns wears diadem as dear to her as that
i with which graces the "loveliest lady in the
aount city. "
Fort IMdwcll had but one unmarried
woman in the whole confines of the res-
aban-
i the crvalion , and she was a half-Spanish
Jcul ; , malden who attended the commanding
the olllcer'b children. Her father had been
pi tun , an army ofllcer , who consoled himself
eh is for assignment to Fort Yuma by marry
I COBI- ing the biillo of the region a territory
that is even yet far more Cantilian than
.ntion Saxon. Judgpd by all cations of beauty
, that Teritu was not hanu = ome. She was
short and dark , low-browed , and gifted
niado with a mouth bf most generous extent ;
( lusou but then , she was young , her hands and
liats feet small aud her
wore shapely , eyes
i jtits inny were deep and dark , and she had her
omo mother's very witchery of dress. Seen
both beside the wives of the ofllcers , Tori la
IBO'i buffered somewhat , but then no soldier
utteu. over saw her thoro. To them she was
over alone and unshamed by compari
91
a.
.
sons.
When she wheeled the colonel's chil
dren down the esplanade of an afternoon
the time of all times when an Ameri
can camp is lazy the men would vie
with each other in attentions. Truethoy
could not do much , and the first man at
her side , if not dislodged by Terita's
frowns , was master of the situation.
But the sun Bhono brightly on the
cspumido all the afternoon , while just
across the creek which formed one
boundary of the parade ground was a
level stretch of grass that lay like a carpet -
3DS.O pot right up to the foot of a massive ,
towering wall of granite. The time-
honored excuse for accosting the maid
was to assist her and the children across
this brook on a series of stepping stones
so much more desirable than any
bridge could have been. Once over the
commonest kind of courtesy demanded
that Torita permit , her adorer to walk
up and down with her , to llll the admir
ing envious eyes of all the garrison , and
to win the colonel's graces no less than
the girl's , by preventing inny of the
little blunderers from falling in the
brook.
It was , indeed , to the rank and flic ,
"tho shadow of a great rock in a weary
land. "
Of course , all this implied a weil-
dresrmd f-oldler , the patient bufhnf'of
buttons , the polishing of shoes , and tha
tact to bimply happen on the esplnnndo
not rush tuero us though this were
QIC ono thing which could make n man
tidy and agreeable. And while four out
of every five men in the fort would
have given n month's pay uny time to
walk and talk with her , to touch her
, the
frlcaa hands at chance intervals , and to wake
,3f Ini- thnt merry southern laugh , not nearly
lillus- thnt proportion cared to give the time
Vcr KiO and trouble necessary ; nndastlll smaller
itlm number were prepared to march out
there and run the risk of Impalement on
thnt keen glance , not to mention the
klhor- ridicule such u fnto would involve when
ono returned to the squad room.
Yet the strife for her smiles Is warm
enough , und boveral shared with borne
' approach to equality the honor to at
'NEB. tending Torita , though not ono of them
could expect she would dlfcmiss the
others , nnd keep herself for him only.
But the girl wns rapidly developing a
. r. o. Eti'onger liking for Sergeant Gore than
junlc-k for anybody olso. Ho waa so handsome ,
l i suit ' '
srKot. BO at o'aso ; 'his blue eyes shone with such
u light , nnd his soft , white hands were
BO caressingly tender when they { ouchcd
her own.
MA. Ho was BO faultlessly dressed , and
MA.E was so plainly uccuHlumvd seine tflno In
, E the pai t to even bettor company thnn
hers , thnt Tarlln always greeted him
with a buror welcome , walked with him
C/ ) longer , nnd was plainly happier with
him than with the other man. And so
it came to pass when rival admirers out
witted Sergeant Gore and gained the
coveted jiosltlon , she grow to inquiring
about that young man ; prow to spank of
liis dross , his learning , his hotter punt.
All this was gall and wormwood to the
gallants who hoard It , nud ono by ono
they road ulsmisFal In the queries , und
lolt tho'Hold to Goro.
Ho was not the only man of good-fam
| n'ant ily whom Diimo Fortune , in a perverse
brail ku. mood , had sent to the ranks of the reg
ular army ; ho was ono of many. But
his furo mid flguro , no less thun his
family-tree , were his title deeds of no
bility. Korpoiant Goro's weekly letter
A o from liU rlillndolphla homo had long
lima * been ono of the o vents at the sqund-
I janr ) unit * rooms in Bidwoll. A chosen few might
fcntrtt llbten to > omo passage * . A somewhat
tub. luit la larger circle had seen the potographs of
Another und sisters , aud kuuvr the homo-
llfn of the gorf-s wns ono to envy. Thry
po'd lutn their hlgln st nrTlnunt by
being lnl > . routed In that 'ulror ha't ' of
life , ant' asking rt ipeclfullj' , when the
quarters were stillest , about those from
whom hta honor kept aim alien.
During Iho Modoa wur young Billy
Soinors , just out of a civilian college at
the east , dared the rigors of a campaign
In the Inva beds , quartering himself on
his brother , the first lieutenant of com
pany G , First cavalry. When Captain
Jnclc nnd his three unclean abettors were
hanged nt Klamnth for defying the Hag
nnd slaying the men who bore It , voung
William risked for u commission In the
army. The olllcers in general endorsed
his application , for hova * nn uncom
monly agreeable fellow , nnd nil declared
ills deserts firmly grounded on "bravo
and meritorious conduct In the Modoc
war. "
Pending the action of the secretary of
war the young man paid a visit to his
friends in Snn Francisco , and then , as
the unfruitful months vanished , ho came
to Bidwell and again accepted the hospi
tality of his brother. Ho found n com
fortable seat on the broad kilconv of
Lieutenant Sotners's quarters , and there
smoked good "conchas" nnd watched the
golden afternoons drift by.
Ho MIW Torita , and being almost nn of
ficer , if not already crowned with a com
mission , ho needed no introduction , and ,
indeed , very little formality of any kind ,
to claim her acquaintance. The girl was
HuUorwl by hid attentions , although the
more surely ho was an oillccrthe bmnllcr
the chance for any union. But he found
many pretexts for being with her. When
his commission should come ho might bo
assigned to some post in the south , and
his Spanish was In woful need of dress
ing. ' And she well , she was a woman ,
and not averse to compliment.
The children were seldom'lifted across
the creek now. Terita sain the espla
nade was good enough. And she could
not encourage Sergeant Gore to walk
with her thurewhere every turn brought
them under Lieutenant Somers's bal
cony. Yet she did love him. She wept
in becrot many times , vexed thnt fate
gave her a choice so grievous ; and she
was often very good to Gore , though ho ,
poor fellow , would come buck to quarters
with not enough of reason left to dis
tinguish butween u daily detail and a
death sentence.
But nt last the commons triumphed.
Billy Spmcrs' commission didn't come ;
inavto it never would. She fed the hope
and lot her heart follow its stronger
bending. Gore was in ocstacies. Ho
had less than a vear. to bcrve , and then
an honorable discharge would restore
him , somewhat like the prodigal Mm ,
to n father's house , where there was
plenty.
Terita slipped from her room ono
night and mot her lover on the grassy
walk beyond the creek. They strolled
up and down there in the moonlight ,
busy with pictures that are never un
veiled but once In nil the world. Gore
wore his finest uniform , and strapped to
his side , lifted from clanking against his
spurs , was his burnished sabre ; for ho
wns sergeant of the guard today.
Why will n woman love the'tools of
warV What is there in a sword to fire
her with devotion for the wight who
carries It ? No one knows , yet that has
been her weakness since -Eneas won the
heart of Dido.
The mail had arrived today , and its
chief treasure , his letter from homo , was
recited at length- the fairy at his side.
Torila listened und clung to this hand
some fellow ; she blroked Ids iniisalyo
arm , she touched his face , she sang him
songs of love in the soft Spanish of her
mother tongue and bho turned like a
panther when a man canio quickly
around the base of the great rock and
approached her lover threateningly.
It was Billy Somcrs.
"Go to the guard house , Gore , " ho
said. "You have no business bore. "
But the sergeant knew his footing. Ho
was trespassing on regulations ; ho was
well aware of that , but between him and
any citizen ho was the butter armed juat
now.
"I don't know why I should take or
ders from you , " he baid calmly and firin-
ly ; then ho added , "Mr. Soinors , " with a
possible emphasis on the title.
'You nro sergeant of the guard. Go
to your post , or I will have your belts off
in ten minutes. "
"You go slow , or I will have you in
the bottom of the creek in ten seconds. "
came in anger from the soldier. Then
ho added again , as thrust , reminder ,
taunting all in ono "Mr. Sommors.1'
"Lieutenant Sommors , " corrected the
other , with an undoubted emphasis on
the title.
"Lieutenant ? " cried the girl , with on
inflection of inquiry.
' "Lioutennnt ! ' echoed Gore , in deep
derision. He did not belivo the secre
tary of war would ever make that man
an ofliccr.
"Yes , lieutenant , " said Sommors ,
sharply. "My commission came today. "
Thnt settled it. IIo was clearly mas
ter here. But Gore was gamo. Ho
took Terita's hand and led her across
the brook on the stepping-stones thai
long had paved the way from earth to
paradise stones that memory would
hind about his neck hereafter , while ho
struggled iii 4ho infinite sea of despair.
But ho would have given a sixth year
of service in the barracks for jubt ono
hour at the hay corral with that subal
tern.
" Terita " ho said ho
"Good-night , , , as
reached her door. There was no at
tempt at hushing his voice as became a
plebeian . on the borders of patrician
realms. Ho lifted his cap with perfect
grace , bowed low nnd went away , prout
as a gentleman.
All the olllcers nnd their families , sit
ting the Jovonlng out upon their bal
conies , saw the episode ; but they had
not seen that brlof passage nt arms
across the crook. The otflcor of the day
only knew that here was a sergeant o
the guard gallanting a girl when ho
should have been at his post. Ho put on
his hat nnd called to the retreating fig
ure , while Terita wrung her hands for
Gore , then pressed them in rejoicing for
Soinor'b good fortune.
The two met ) met half way across the
parade ground.
"What nro you doing , sergeant ? "
"Disobeying orders , I fear , sir , " an-
Bworod the- culprit , saluting.
"Go to your post. I shall report you
In the morning. "
They saluted ngain nnd parted. That
night Sergeant Gore wns Upton personi
fied In his strict adherence to regula
tions. Next morning ho was roliovei
before guard mount , nnd the corporal
turned over "tho fort and all its stores"
to the succeeding detail.
"Lieutenant William Somers says you
Insulted him last night , " said the com
manding olllcor btornly , when ho had
summoned Gore before mm. The non
commissioned man told the whole Btorj
just as it WHS.
"Go back to your quarters , nnd never
lot such conduct occur again. "
Gore was out of it easier than ho hat
expected. Ho wab not oven reduced to
the ranks. Surely that grim old colone
saw more thnn the surface of things.
But Toritn ? Well , bho grow vorj
chilling. Young Lieutenant Somers lion
ored her with a her eb ek ride down
the valley , though his conduct mot btern
disapproval from the other olllcers ant
their wives. It was ono thing for To
rita to be courted by an enlisted man
soon to leave the service ; it was quito
another lor an olllcor to show her favors
and bho a waiting maid !
Sergeant Gore was not reduced to the
rnnus , b ill. ' mUhtharo boon fur all lie
cared. IIo was hop IcXy BmltkJ by
that little girl , Ho could not wako his ;
irido and'dismiss all thought of her.
: Ie grew log tidy , and his springing
gait became a painful drag. Ho diu his
luty in a slip-shop way , and only roused
o interest when the squad-rooms were
ifrog with speculation as to where
'Lieutenant Billy" would be assigned
for service. Ho only listened to their
chatter when the men recounted some
lew freak of that late-ficdged lieutenant.
His arrogance , his tyranny , his potty
Bpite , won him a place o ( singular dls-
Ike. Gore hoped , yet dreaded , that the
line would come when lie could wreak
ils anger on that upstart. He did much
violence to his blood nnd training as ho
jictured some noosiblo collision. Ho
.bought of Achilles , who was bereft by a
jaicr , not better , Boldlor nnd smiled at
.he stupendous vanity pent in the simile ,
A month went by. The now lieutenant
tind nn open field for Terita , so far as
rivals went , but ho still found rough sail-
: ng in the social waters. .At last , inself-
defense ho announced his intention to
marry the girl as soon as ho was as-
slged to duty , and Raid , in a burst of he
roics , thnt ho would bo proud to take
her with him as his wife wherever ho
rnight go. And from that time his woo
ing was frowned on less hardly than
L > cfore.
But that assignment to duty ! It
troubled him far more thnn anyone else.
Until it came that Spanish damsel hold
liim at a most tantalizing arm's length.
It was very provoking , lie prayed for
'
the Presl'dio , near San Francii-co ; ho
dreaded Fort Yuma or St. Francis.
Sergeant Gore lay half asleep on a
bench in front ofho quarters , and
gazed at that point of rocks across the
parade ground. The October wind
lifted his blond hair and blow it about ,
thnmlng him for neglecting the barber.
It occurred to him that the mail conch
was duo todnv , and ho was not so tidy
as ho should bo when his letter came.
He glanced down at his uniform , nt his
dusty boots ; ho passed his palm across
a very stubble-field of cheek. Ho waked
to the consciousness that all this was un
manly , not to say unsoldier-like , no mat
ter what the provocation , and ho drew
himself together with a quick resolve to
bo more worthy of that distant homo
where ho was waited with such patient
love.
love.As
As he sat his face toward the rather
humble house of tonsure some quality in
the rising wind attracted him. An ar
row of cold , like an icy needle , shot its
warning through the warmer air. In
the northwest , hovering on the ragged
peaks of Shr.sta , were banks of leaden
clouds , while just overhead , with lowerIng -
Ing pressure , swept the fleecy vanguard
of the storm.
"Blizzard tonight , " said Gore , senten-
liously , to the barber ; and then , in atone
more life-like than they had known in
weeks , ho added : "Ono shave , ono hair
cut , ono waxed mustache , " and clam
bered in the chair.
When ho left the place an hour later
ho was the Gore of other days. Not a
lleck of dust stained the dark blue of his
garments ; not a touch of soil dimmed the
lustre of his shoes , while buttons , linen ,
sunny * locks , and all marked the model
soldier.
Just before him a little heap of leaves
and grasses woke in confusion nnd
scampered uji the spiral staircase of the
wind. Over in the creat corral swine
were borrowing trouble with loud , in-
cibivo cries , and carrying wisps of hay
into the lee of heavy walls. oTho army
of clouds that stood on Shasta when ho
passed bcforo had advanced n score of
miles , and gusts of cold , like scouts ,
were trying the passage of canon and
hill. Light flakes of snow shot by , fell
in a group on the porch at the quarters ,
nnd whirling in a waltz to the sharp
whistling of the btorin.
"Put on your overcoats , " said the
sergeant of the guard to the relief. Inside -
side the squad room some men were
kindling n lire. Gore watched them
through the window , then walk
ed briskly to and fro the
length of the building. He
was erect , clear-brained , deep-breath
ing , exultant. His vigor was waltened
by the tonic of frost.
"
"Snow drifted in long , loose ridges
across the parade ground , as the sun
down roll was called. At tattoo the
blast had grown so bitter that the men
etood close in the shelter of the build
ings , as in midwinter ; while the olllcor
of the day , in top boots imd "field cloak ,
wns buried to the knees in the gathering
drifts. Taps , the final bugle call of the
day , was drowned in the louder trumpet-
ings of the hurricane.
Gore thought of his horse , and stole
from the barracks to make sure of the
animal's comfort. The storm was rag
ing. Winds , like moistened lashes ,
whipped his face. IIo bent his head
and ran , stumbling over unfamiliar
things , tripping , recovering , nnd chafing
his freezing wrists. Surely ho had gone
fur enough. Ho was bewildered. Ho
turned his back and tried to find the
outlines of the buildings or the hills.
Vision could not pierce beyond that mad ,
tempestuous whirl of aleoty snow.
Ho was lost !
But under the chilling paralysis of
that moment , when life and death con
tended with just lengthened lances , the
heart of the man ros-o with a throb of
defianceHo would not bo frozen.
Where was the corral ? the quarters ?
where was ho ? Ono moment of confu
sion meant a panio and the end. Ono
moment of calmness might save him.
Ho shouted aloud , hut the vicious demon
of the storm .snatcnvd . the message nnd
shattered it scattered it to all the
winds at once. Ho knew it could not bo
hoard ten yards u'way. But lie called
again , nnd just ns calmly. Somewhere
in that hurry blast was burcly a b reozo
that would carry the cry to willing ears.
IIo tried again.
Then , behind him just a little way ,
rose an answer. Ho turned and callec
quickly. Quicker still came a response.
But this now voice was ono of beseech
ing. It was a plea for help. Gore strug
gled toward it , guided by Its rising ,
waking , hopeful repetition. Ho stum
bled blindly against a fence and knew
his bearings in an inhtnnt.
There to his right , buried in the drift ,
battling feebly to escape , crouched
"Lieutenant Billy. "
Gore gazed on him in silence ju = t ono
moment ; but in thnt little lnpo of time
his bosom was n battlefield of tompasts as
fierce as that without. How easy to end
it all just hero ! No need to touch him ;
no need tospeak. No ono on earth woulO
over know ho Mood above those epaulets
and took receipt in full for slavery.
Just ono moment , and then a breath
from that good homo in far-od Philadel
phia flashed past the leagues that laj
between and stirred his heart to man
hood. .
"Hellothere , Lieutenant"ho ! shouted ,
grasping a numbed arm with ono hand ,
while with the other ho held to the fopeo
as to a lifeline tlmt could boar thorn both
to safety. "Hello thcro ! Gctup ! You're
freezing. "
The bewildered man rose stiffly grasp
ing wildly for support. IIo could no' '
walk ; lie could not stand. He foil ful
length and helpless in the PIIOW.
Gore stooped and wrapped his strong
arms about the prostrate body ; he ralsei
it to his bhouldur nnd then crowded along
against the fence till it led him to the
quarters.
A month of fairest weather followed ,
and not a vestige of the storm-wrought
ruin could bo Kien in the valley , yor-
goant Gore was dlscijil'uo ' again. IIi
d.Ju't t .iv about T id ho was
quits W'tU ' Sinv < ii ' uv , f-hono re-
fplo'i'lent , lus unifyruiis \ n mod > -l of
eaiitylns conduct vuts all thnt n soldier
ould desire. He Utwutu-d with dignity
ho lieutenant's Invitation to eomi. to the
ollleors' quarters andibe thanked.
"Toll him. " ho salt ! to the orderly ,
'that I wived him jUt ) as I would a steer
> r a pony. I don't care a copper whether
10 gets well or not. "
This was far from true ; but the
> ruto in man is sometimes so strong
hat it demands oniict-wlons , and they
mst bo made. Hi > oould not forget ,
and it was still mo.ro impossible to lor-
glvo.
IIo was strolling past the esplanade
ono day , upright , delimit. The mall had
ust brought him a letter from home. It
alsod him visibly altovo all things in
3lclwcll. It warmed and comforted it
satisfied him.
Torita leaned from the colonel's bal
cony and accosted him.
"So glad to see you. " she said. "I
lave wanted to talk with you. Let us
walk on the grass boj end the creek to
night. "
"What will Somer * say ? "
How perverse ho wii. But even as ho
watched for the effect of his thrust , his
iicart leaped wildly. O , these little
bands , that gladbome face , these ripe
red lips !
"Why/'with a laugh , "whnt do I
care ? ' '
Plainly the now commission had lost
its charms.
"I'll come , ' ' said' Gore , not quito so
heartily as ho once had done , but with
n vein of independence that was worth
much to him. ,
That night they cro cd the creek ,
treading these blessed stepping stones ,
and walked in the moonlight again. The
evenings were chilling now , and Terita
were n true Cnstllmn mantilla. They
talked of everything but ono. She sang
the old songs'slio luughotl and llattcred
him ; she won him utterly , and > then she
said :
"You wore so good to save 'Lieuten
ant Billy. ' Poor fellow , ho is so grate
ful to you. "
Gore sniffed his contempt.
"Ho has been assigned to duty at I
can't remember. ' '
"Tho Presidio ? " ' with fear and trem
bling.
"No oh , my , no. At Fort Buford , in
northern Dakota. His orders came to
day. "
Talk of anything now. She has spread
her net , has secured her prize ; hero she
transfixes him. When ho loft her that
night Sergeant Gore trod on zephyrs.
Ho was too happy to lie in bed even
after tups , and stole away beyond the
boiling springs to walk alone and fash
ion castles in the nir castles thnt in
these later days he has peopled with
fairies of love requited , the cnil of
manhood's strength nnd woman's bless
ing.And
And Terita ? Why , tiino has given
stature , rarest comeliness , and unswerv
ing truth to her. She is prouder of her
home , her handsome husband , and hoi-
pretty children , than ever was the wife
of a graudeo in Spain.
o
Dr. Birnoy cures c-itarrh , Bee bldg.
JED TUMl'KINS IX COURT.
Jlow IIo Hrplninud the \Vny He Came
in Possession of n Sheep.
Near Fayetteville , Tcnn. , shortly after
the recent" cyclone which did so much
damage in that state and Kentucky , old
Jed Tompkins , colored , wns hauled up
before 'Squiro Nason for stealing ono of
Colonel Ballentyne's sheep , says the
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Before the trial the 'squire , the
colonel , Jed and several others' were
lounging in front of the 'squire's dingy
little ollico , all hands , with the excep
tion of Jed , relating incidents of the
terrible storm ; the 'squire winding up
with a trco on his farm from which the
wind had stripped the- bark , and the
colonel "seeing this with a brick wali
on his place through which the tornado
hud driven a wheat straw.
On the trial the evidence was all
against Jed , the colonel identifying the
the sheep which had been found hang
ing up on Jed's back porch.
"I'll have to hold you , old man , unless
you can explain how that sheep came
there , " bald the magistrate.
"Cain't 'splain , 'Squire , " Jed an
swered. "W'en I got up in the maw-
nin' dat sheep was jes' layln' dar. "
"And you don't know who brought it
there ? "
"No , suh lesan do cyclone blowed it
dar. "
"Aha ! 'Lesan do cyclone blowed it
dar , oh ? And did you over see a cyclone
that could skin a sheep ? " *
"No , suh , I can't sav as I has , 'lesan
'twar dat same cyclone what peeled
'Square Nason's tree and driv the straw
three Colonel Ballentyno's wall. "
The 'Squire nulled up his specs and
took a long look at Jed and the colonel
nro o nnd stated that ho would not
proscct' o the case farther , as this was
the 11 r .t cyclone that had over blown
nny of his property into Jed's possos-
bion.
"Dr. Birnev cures catarrh , Bco bldg.
S > nt a Hoy.
A lady walking along a street came
upon a fittlo girl wheeling a baby car
riage , savs the Chicago Herald. "What
a benuti/ul / baby ! " exclaimed the lady as
she discovered a pink face done up in a
cream-colored bbawl , "Whoso child is
it ? "
"Mine , " the little girl answered.
" 0 you mean that it is your little
brother or sister. "
"No , I mean that he is not my brother ,
but is mine my child. "
"You are a very young mother. "
" ain't mother. "
"I no .
"Then why should you say that the
baby is yours ? " the lady mischievously
nbked. $
"Cause God sent it to mo. My mamma
asked mo if I didn't want a little baby in
the house an' I taid yes , an' she .said if I
prayed for one God would ? end H , nn'
then I said I would pr.iy for a little sis
ter , cause I like trifls better than bovs ,
but mamma said I'd just better pray for
any kind that God was n mind to send ,
but I didn't ; I prnyed for a little glrlbut
God took an' t-oat a boy anyhow , an' I
guess it wns because lie didn't have any
girls on hand. Then I said I would pray
to God to send a little girl us boon us ho
could , nn' it made papa laugh nn' ho
wild that I noentor put myself to any
trouble on * at account. "
Announcement.
C. B. Moore & Co. 'hnvo been appointed
wholesale agents for thd celebrated waters of
HxceMor Springs , Missouri.
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh , Bee bldg.
"Moso" .TnColiH ol" Den Mninps.
"Moso" Jacobs , a noted newsboy of
Dos Molnos , la , , is vibiting in the city
on a bhort vacation , says the Denver
News. "Moso' ' is said to be the best
known person in the state of Iowa and
has u corner on all the papers from
larger cities In the country. His voice
sounds like a steam calliope and it has
not been used in vain , as ho is now
reputed to be worth ] 0,000 , largely In
DOB Moines real oetnto. From early
youth "Mose" ha- supported his mother
and several brothers and sisters. lie
has the mannerd of u gentleman , nod is
highly popular among tha citizens ) of
the thriving capital city.
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh , .toe bldb'
IE ii
FRA-HOR
AMERICANIZED
ENCYCLOPEDIA
BRITAN N ICA
VOL. v
REVISED
AND
AMENDED
BELFORDCLARKE& :
IT"
KODAKS OF THE FUXNY MEN ,
Snap Shots nt the Quaint and Humorous
Phases of Life.
OLD UNCLE ISRAEL'S MISFORTUNE.
A New Source of Leather AVIierc She
Hill the BathJn ; * Suit Croupier
the Coin Oolleetor An Awk-
\varil Situation ,
Clothier nnd Furnisher : Mr. Sheers
What size of plslol pocket In these trousers 1
Mr. Tanquo Same as usual a quart ,
The Appropriate Instrument.
Inter Ocean : Tomdik "I tun prcnarlnR
nn article ca Andorsonville and Libhy. "
I'ossifer "Vou uro writing it with a prison
pen , 1 presume. "
3Icn and tlic Spenkcr.
H'aditnaton Pi > * t.
The youth who wears a sash Just now ,
To iniko , his style seem sleeker ,
Spats down the tt.mg upon his brow ,
And says : "Mo and tbo speaker. "
To Save K.\pen cs.
Light : A St. Joseph business man who
always spoiled his son's name ' 'Juo. " on his
envelopes , 1ms bopruu using the "h" John
bcoiiuso the government charges two cents
postage for u drop letter.
Kindly Courtf v.
Souiervillo Journal : Ted "May I borrow
your umbrella this afternoon , Nod ! "
Ned "Yes ; unless it Is going to win. "
In the Forest 1'rlinevnl.
Tlie Jtmtwitan.
The woodpecker presents his bill ;
The stately oak twi s , boughs , aud leaves ,
Exclaiming , "What a lurk ! "
Didn't ItalKo Ills Half.
Harper's Weekly : "Well , Undo Israel ,
how did you get on with your fannlnpthls
year ? " Uncle Israel I didn't make uothin1 ,
marstor. You BCO , mo an' do boss was
workin' on sheers. I 'greed to do do farmin1
for barf do crap , an' I didn't make but harf
a crap dis year , an' so , in course , I didn't git
nothln' . _
Argument Saved.
American Grocer : Weeks How docs this
weather agree with you , Wontmnn !
\Ventmnn-lt doesn't. I und It cheaper to
aproe with the weather.
Horrowinj ; Olcn's Dress.
Chicago Tribune : Statistician Thcro has
been a fulling off of about ? 100X'J ( ) ' In tbo sales
of oleomargarine. How do you account for it }
Practical Grocer There's been too much
country butter labeled oleomargarine in order
to make it sell.
A Xew Soiireo of I ontlior.
Chatter : Teacher "John , of what are
j-our boots made I"
Hey "Of leather , sir. "
Teacher "Whore dooa the leather como
from I"
Boy "From the hide of un ox. "
Teacher "What uuimal therefore
, , sup
plies you with hootc and shoos and gives you
inuattocatl"
Boy "My father. "
Undoubtedly Corroct.
Drake's Mnmino : "George , " asked Mrs.
Cuinso , "what paper In the United States has
the largest circulation 1" "Paper money , "
replied Curnso , promptly.
A Natural Inference.
New York Weekly : Little Dot-"Oh , ma
ma , the orfian grinder's inonkry Is at the win
dow , an' ho has u little round box in hU
hand. " Mama "Woll. ray j > ct , what do you
think ho wants ? " Little Dot ( after a glauco
atthoorism fiindcrj "I doss ho wants to
borrow tome soap. "
Oidlnarily a Sulu I'lnoc.
Kate Field's Washington : "Did you hear
of that woman who wnb arrested for trying
binuirulo a bathing suit ! "
" .No , dlJ ibo have It in her trunk1 !
' Oh. no , Indued ! .She had It secreted in
one of her toetli taat be had lo t the filling. "
Wasuluirlou IJoti "I nui not at all averse
to convening on tha subject of utree , " said
MUa P.iHdeiKh. ' ! don't ut all imud saying
tuat I have seen twenty-seven summers "
' Hump , ' remark. dDe Hroot , "I nuvcr hc-urd
LIBRARY
-AS THE.-
OMAHA BRB.
Submits wns iiovof made buforo ! > u > tiowwpupor.
iTHINK OF IT.i
THE BEST ENCYCLOP/EDIA PUBLISHED AND THE GEST NEWSPAPER IN THE WEST FOR A
YEAR. FOR 8 CENTS A DAY. THERE HAS NOT BEEN A DAY SINCE THE OFFER
WAS FIRST MADETHAT THE ORDERS HAVE NOT EXCEEDED THOSE
OF THE DiY BEFORE. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE
RMERIGHNIZED
\ENGYGLDMEDIA/
Gall at the Bee Counting Room ,
IF YOU HAVN'T TIME TO CALL , TELEPHONE US ( NO 233) ) OR DROP A POSTAL CARD AND A
REPRESENTATIVE WILL CALL ON YOU. IF YOU LIVE OUT OF TOWN , A CIRCULAR GIV
ING FULL DESCRIPTION OFTHE WORK WITH SAMPLE PAGE TO SHOW THE TYPE
WILL BE SbNT YOU BY MAIL.
OUR PROPOSITION.
THE OMAHA BEE offers a year's subscription to the rarer , tn"ludlns
the Sunday issues delivered on payment of $8,50 per month. This firsts
volumes to be doliveretl on payment of $2.SO and the balance payable
$2.50 per month. The other 0 volumes to be delivered within four months.
All our present subscribers are eiititled to all the advantages of this
great offer. People living outside of Omaha can avail themselves of the
above liberal offer by hav.ng the monthly payments Guaranteed jjy , ome re
sponsible banker or merchant in their town.
before thnt she wns ever troubled by blind
ness la warm weather. "
He Gathers It In.
Somcrvillo Jourual : West "What is Mr.
Croupier's occupation J Works nights bonio-
where , doesn't bo ! "
A'est ( who has soon the tipcr in bis lair )
"Croupierf Oh. he's a coiu collector. "
A Misinturprcintion.
Harper's Bazar ; Mrs. F.itijle { ' ! didn't
know your bouse was too largo for you , Mrs.
Gnzzain. "
Mrs. Gazzam "Why , it isn't , "
Mrs. Tunclc "We'll , uow I thought It
wasn't ; but Mrs. Ltirkin said you tiad lots of
room to rout lu your upper story. "
It Answered lor Sara.
Boston Times : "I see that Sarah Bern-
harJt hail a very narrow escape. "
Sharp "Well , that's iill she needs. "
11 ml the Unc.ssninnln.
Judge : "What does your husband do
now } " Inquired the parson.
"Well , " answered the heart-broken wife ,
"ho buys half a dozen different papers nnd
tries to make money in their guessing con
tests. "
An Awkward Situation.
Kate Field's Washington : 'Thopo judge , "
said the defendant , "that you will grant iny
wife the decree of divorce. If you don't ,
faho'll starve. "
"Starvoi"
"Certainly. Fact Is. 1'vo oslccd another
lady to marry me , and If my wife dou't got
her divorce I'll ' bo sued for breach of promise ,
and the wbolo family will bo ruined. "
Tolstoi's latest.
ll'/idcuftJc / IleraW.
The "Krcutrcr SonaU-i" they sujIs quite bad ,
Tho' plain 'tis ' to see that the book is the
"fad , "
And they who can't pet It are awfully mad
Whether humble their station or haughty.
_ Yrs thousands are rending tno novel to-djy.
NeclcctinB alike their work and their play ,
But as yet there is no one to openly say
What it is that makes "ICreutzer Sonata. "
How lie Outwitted Her.
Harper's Bazar : "Papa , " sail the voung
mother , "I'vo decided on a nutno for baby ;
wo will cell her Imogen , " Papa was lost in
thought for a few minutes. Ho did not like
the name , but if ho oppose ! it bis wife would
have her way. "That's nice , " said ho pres
ently , "my first swocthcart was named
Imogen , nud she will take it as a compli
ment. " "We will call her Mary , after my
mother , " was the s > loni reply.
An Approjirl.-Ho hcKn < l.
Drake's Magazine ! Mr. J\'ooly Say , I
Wiint a coat of arms.
"And your business ! " .
"Hain't got none now mady my money In
vinegar. "
" 1 seo. How would 'What Is homo with
out a mother ) ' suit you for a legend ! "
No Donations There.
Whitosido Herald ; "Lot's go and see how
old Skinflint is pcttniK along , " suggested ono
of his noighbor.i to another.
"What's the matter of hlmJ"
"Got the smallpox. "
"Smallpox ! Well , I'vo never had it. "
"Don't make any dltforoiico. "
"Hut I don't ivdut to get it. '
"O Well you'd never get it of Skinflint. "
"Why not ( "
"Ile'a too stlney to plve It. "
Dr. Dirnoy euros cnlnrrh , Bco bids.
St'Keo Ilankln'H Ills Mistake- .
Sovcral years ago , when Mclveo Hnnkln
was leading man in the stock cotnp.my at the
theater in Pittsburg , says the Now i'orlc
Dramatic Mirror , bo was vis I ted every few
days throughout the entire season by u long ,
loan man who looked liltoa typical country
man. Ho tried to induce him to advance
inoiioy for the putting of a patent before the
public. The visitor only had ono way of
stating his case , and this he religiously did
on an average of three tlrnos a week for
thirty weeks. lie -would lounge up to Uan-
Kin , and , after bidding the nctor "good rnorn
ing , " nnd chatting for a while , would in
cidentally remark :
"I'vo got a patent out ol which untold
wealth eau bo made If I only had about K00
to get started. Now , Maj , I'll give you a
balf Intflmst in it If jou'll advance the
inoucy. "
Tbo same speech was repeated so fre
quently that it became a staudlug jolte in
the company , nnd the young fellow who gave
utterance to it was looked upon us a crunk
by one and alL Other people not
of the company Joined the nctors In their
estimate of the mental balame of tbo
Inventor. The .season closed , liauldn
canio to New York and his friend from Pitts-
hurg was forgotten until some years later ,
when "The UaiiiteV' was in the Hush of its
Miccens. Knnkin was ploying the pirt of
Sandy , In Pittsburg , when bo received a call
at bis hotel from ono of the millionaires of
the Smoky Htv. Ho was greatly surprised
to think this man should call on'hlm , hut u
few moments' conversation put him straight.
The visitor was George Wcstlnjfhoaso mid
the patent ho "tried" to pet Kanltlu iau-r-
cstcd hi was the now universally used "air-
hrakc , " the royalties from which amount to
more than ? 51XUUO ) porjitmum ,
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh , Bco bldg. '
lo'H Nobility.
Chicago Tribune : "In the bypono
dnj-s of Lendville , " the visitor went on
to relate , "thoro was a long line of no
bility. Ten yenrs rro Lord Goorjjo
Campbell worked in tbo mines tit Load-
vine and received no more remuneration
or consideration than ho would hud ho
not possessed a title. Baron Eosoncranz
cainoto Leadvillo from JJennmrk , and
in spitoof his noble name Leiulvillo'd
citizens declare that ho was as j > oor as HI
mouse. Count Roup , a Uuasinn noble
man , w.i3 at one time a common ere
digsor , but afterward rose to a higher
place that of miningcr of n bnuutcr.i
Count Roup now resides at Butte , Mont. ,
and honors that oily with his titled
"
imrno. It was oven "possible to h.avo
assaying done by n nobleman ton years
npo , as a Hungarian Jlorcl had mi nssav
olllco pel died upon 0110 of Leadville t
hills.
"One of the wildest characters thai
prnccd the Leadvillo mining camp wm
the nephew of Iyord Coke nnd I wly Li > 9
lio. Tliia \ oun j man wished to bo con
sidered bold and bad , and the airs he
assumed outcowboycd the cowboy * . ] Ilt
costumes were considered remarkable.
oven for the Leadvillo of ton yeuw a n ,
but were not of such character as would
bo permitted to < jnieo the homo of hii
lordly relatives.
"Tho visitor to Leadvillo lodnjwouk
never dream that the nobility from tin
other bide ol the Atlantic hud sent it
roprepenlatives lo the Cloud City , yo
sucli is the case , aud the citizens ol
Leudvillo , .elrnng-o to say , do not feel a
all proud over the detorminntion of R <
many lords , baroiiH nnd counts to eccl
their booming cami ) . It is not will
pride that Lendvillo'fi citizens point t <
the nobility that have honored their city
but rather with amusement und just
of . "
truce pity. _ _
Dr. Birnoy cures cafirrh , I3ce bid jr.
Here It ! -cciri. out pi-ti lu r it plenty
room In moutli iU iilwn > In dip i nd
iMitllo under uiouihcan't lip u\cr lencvnl
jUIlB AM ) KTATIONI3K
VICKS AXI > IMMXTIIUS ,
1111 South Kith Ktireu
uU ,
joiuinus IN
[ ectfical S
Electric Light Goods , BrllAi
nunclatorp , Alarms , Etc.
( Illuitratcd Catuloguo 1'reu '
1614 Avenue Ouiilia X
Capitol , - - ,
