Nebraska Newspapers

    THE OMAHA DAILY BEE , SUNDAY , JUTAr 27 , 18DO-SIXTET3N PAGES.
imsA. MI N
Ilrmiil ( n llarftr'a
iinvo n gnilant lover ,
lo'nlriioiiH imp ran Iwj
luL It's wine to this wlicu 1 want u lisa
lid ahviui snvn to mo ,
"Waltucsamlrilt. "
( To docs not love nnotlicr ;
[ tin heart Is nil in ; own ;
ret I frrlcvalo know , when he treats me so ,
rim t mi no to him luis flown
MVultucsBinlnlt. "
Ills toco I ? very fair :
| [ | K crcsnro uolutiiluc !
And the lltfht they send a on mo they bend
'Moil ' breaks my licnrtln two
' Wultdcsiuninlt. "
His hilr : U llto trie sun
Thulsliines upon tlio < lo\v ;
llutho likes not glrlHnmlhoiihn1cci Ills curls ,
With words that tilcrco mn through
" \Vaitdca \ a mlnlt. "
Whenovr r I Ulk of love ,
In rroonllnhtor bjdiiy ,
Ho junt looltmL mo , iinil In modi higgle o
Remarks , ami rum uwiy ,
" \Viiitilcsa \ mlnlt. "
I'll loll you vhnt I'll ' doTe
To punish thli youiitf man ;
\Vh i lie wants tiwifo , if it takes his life ,
I'll say tothorounir vomnn.
" \ViUtilc-snmlnlt. \ "
THE FioTTYl'EWIUTEIt ' ,
Boston Globe : " 1'vo got a now type
writer , I ) . It. G. "
Such was the closing sontcnco ol my
friend Sparks' note to inc.
Spnrlss wns a broltor , In a limited way ,
nmlhtul hi.soinco on Broad street.
"Why bhould ho impart thia Informa
tion to raoV I Imd very little business
with Sparks a "flyer" now and then ,
when tlio umrltot promised n turn nnd
no biuilnc&i whatever with Ills type
writer. I couldn't get itoutof my mind.
In the cffoil I informed m.v typewriter ,
a Ull , dnrlMjycd , nervous "eltu of a girl"
of seventeen.
'Who's Sparks ? " she inquired , look
ing at mo Hhnrply. She never l < nc\v
whJii I was in eaincst about anything
unless It was work.
" ' Well lie's I know.
"Sparks1' , a man .
Drokor'H ollleo on Uroiul. Ho is fifty
yoart ot ago , woara golil-riiuincd glasses
and veiy little hair.Vhat he has was
once red. Never noticed his typewriter
didn't know ho had nny. Got n now
one , HCO ? Denver & Ilo Onindo. "
"Who 1 bog pardon "
"D. II. G. Girl's ' name , I suppose.
M"ny ho mean she's low , or isn't ' worth
lifteon cents on the dollar. It's ' a com
mon compliant. You know I tried a
do/on liofoio I pot jou. "
Dead Bilcnco for two minutes , broken
only b.v click ol thomaehino. Hell rings
onu of'liiio ,
"Is lie murrlcd ? "
"Is who married ? "
" \Vliy Sparks Mr. Sparks of
course , allowing n pretty hot of teeth.
"Yes no ; that Is , Ills wife ran away
wilh unotlicr 111.111 twenty joars tifjotuid
dud. That leaves him- "
"A widower , eortainly , " Bho laughed.
My typowillorhuighs at ovorythinsr is
OAcitaulo , sometimes hysterical. She is
Bosonsltivo unil nervous Icnn sunrcoly
ehooriolanguago gentle enough to correct -
rect her errors , lam a patent attorney
and a ttielilor for absolute accuracy of
detail. Sometimes she looks around
covertly as if fclio imagined others \voro \
in thoullk'o.
"I wonder why lie wrote tluitlino at
the bottom , " aho said.
"That's what 1'vo -
beoawondering all
the time. Of course he didn't wish her
to see it. " The rest of the letter was
typo written and referred to certain
stocks in which I was occasionally inter
ested. "Ho lidded it on liutwhyi1 I'm
not his confidant imd don't care a . "
Click , click , click , click , wont the ma-
cliliio.
A'n Idea occurred to me. As soon as
3vllfes Matlior finished the work in hand
and laid it on my deslt , I icciuested her
tobrlnjf her noto-booU.
"I'll inquire said I.
"Mr. A , M. Sparks Broad street :
"Dear Sir Will not buy Western
"Union just now. Lot things stand.
"H. L. Biu.iKGS.
"What kind IB It ? How much did it
cost ? Wire mo about IJonvor A , Rio
Gmndo. H.L. B. "
I hud expected to hear Miss Mather
Inugli , Eiit eho didn't. A woman never
does uhut you expect her to do. She was
an jmloiisa ghost ,
"Why , what's the you nro ill ! " I ex
claimed , tomcirhat astoniahed.
She tinned aside hurriedly , fumbling
for a sheet of ollloo paper. Her small
hand 8 trembled a little as she placed the
elieotln lior machine. She spoiled it
and cot another. Perhaps lhad unwittingly -
wittingly hurt her feelings ; Imt for tlio
lifo of me I couldn't think what I had
said or done to do so. It annoyed me.
Igotup , lighted n cigar , and saying I
would bo back probontly , started to go
outTho
The machine stopped.
"Please Mr. Billings won't ' you please
wait a littlo. " There was u pleading
look In tlio dark eyes.
" "Why , Lmlo , wliat's the matter !
"You'io surely illl I'll ' get you sonio
vater hcro , drink this. You'd better
go homo when you finish this. "
"No , no ; I feel Iwttor now. It is
done. I'm just a little nervous at times
that's all. It's nothing , " and she
actually laughed again in her light , nor-
voufc way ,
"It's funny , but I felt awfully queer
just then , "
"How ? Whore ? "
"Ol I can't toll
just a sensation I
don't know bow to describe it , "
She was PoiicniH enough now and I do-
looted her in one of the old half-scared
glances about the room.
"I'll have a now typewriter myself
soon , " I said to mybcff. "This one is
going cru/.y. "
The next day work went on about ns
usual. I.I zx io was Iwpt busy , and was
nnpniantly ns light hearted ns over nho
was. Toward evening she inquired if I
Imd heaid from Spark < yet.
No , I hadn't didn't ' e.xnoct to hoar
dld'twaiit to hear from him.
Going homo I thought : 'What interest
lias she In Sparks ? Confound Sparks !
Does the know him ? \Vhcro \ ? How ?
When ? Wherefore ? These wore the
sub-heads of my ideas. The tail-pieces
worononsemo , liupof&iblo , ridiculous. I
lied her record from childhood , 1l\o \
llrooklyn family that raited her excel
lent family I'll go and see tluxt family
nbout her condition. That was the last
thing on my la' ' nil when I went to sleep.
When I nwuKQ inthomoining I had for
gotten all about it. Dreams are paved
with good intentions. v
At the oflloo , among my mail , was a
note from Spuiks. It waslii his own
handwriting ,
" ' . broken down " I
.Typewriter , sug
gested to Miss Mather.
\\usintontupoii tlio letter in my
hand ,
' 'II. L.ABlllliiKt , caq. , - Broadways
r "Dmi Siu I ) . It. G. Is Mrs. Delhi It. Gore ,
my tviww liter , "You will oblige mo very
much by dropping your funny business
enough to tell mu wlicro you uuido her ao-
cuuliitiuu'o unil under what circumstances.
This extremely Important and press I UK' . She
fulutctl ouraailliitfyouriioto , Yours ,
A , M. SlMHKB , "
"AVelll"
Wather arched her brows inqulr-
"Yi'liy , confound his huuudoncol
llnro'snnolhcrcrazy man-imdmuy "
"Snnrka ? "
"Yos , Sparks. IHulthat. "
Miss Miithur look the letter nnd ong-
erly road It somewhat too ciigorly , I
Lhought for it wholly dlsintorcsted nor-
son , Then how sue did laugh ! Her
dark oycs fairly snapped. She wns al
most provoking ,
' Funny , isn't it ? said I satirically.
"Indeed it is , Mr. Billings. Of course
there must bo a mistake. There wasn't
enough in your joke about Djonror A Rio
Grrniido to tntilie a woman faint , "
"Hardly. "
"It must bo inoro serious tlmn oven
that , " wild Llzllo Mather. "Think of
the turn I had the other day. " This
was suggested very seriously.
"Well , I'll sco about it"I grumbled ,
and returned to mv morning mail. But
the thoughts of the night Moro ob
truded and now got tangled un with
Sparks' ' insinuations as to myself , until
I uognn to think that , after all , I was
the real hinatlu and the rest won all
right. How dare Spirks tiiko such n
tone with mo ? I wouldn't answer him.
dld't.
About a week afterwards I received
Lho following typo-written message de
livered by special messenger. The boy
snt down , saying ho was to bring an
inswcr :
"H. L , Billings , Esq. , Broadway :
"Dmii Sin I would very much Hko to sco
you at my ofllco at your earliest eoiivenlon co.
Important. Permit mo to apologize for tny
ruthcr curt note of last week. I vas terribly
upsot. Oblige mo by scttliiRan hour for in
terview. I wish to consult you us a friend
about a private matter. "Very truly.
"Dictated. A , M. SI-AUKS. "
I appointed nn hour next day. Miss
Mather was out to lunch. When she re
turned I handed the note to her with the
remark that Sparks was still out of nn
asyltim. As soon as she touched the let
ter she begun to lose color. It slipped
from her lingers to the Iloor.
"Why , Liy./lo , what in the world ails
you ? " I demanded.
"I I don't know , " she gasped , ns she
sank to a chair. "Something thrills mo
through it is just as I foil lost week
when that letter from from
"Sparks ? "
"Yes. "
"Miss Slather Lizzie have you read
UJH ! loiter ? " I picked it up.
"No , sir. "
"You don't know what is in it ? "
"No , sir. "
"What do you expect ? Anything ? "
"Oh , no , sir. "
"Yes , sir. "
"Como here , please , " She came ever
to my desk anil stit down , palpably con
fused. I hold the letter folded before
before mo. She kept her eyes fastened
on it , us if the sheet of paper was alive ,
and might take legs or wings and got
uwtiy.
"Now , Lizzie look at TOO , Lizzlo do
you Imow Sparks ? "
"No , sir ; 110 indeed ! That is what is
so odil , sirl"
She looked mo straight in the eyes. I
could not doubt her honesty. I was
stunned confounded. I asked her if
she hud ever scon him.
"No sir. Novor. "
"Novor hear of him ? "
"Never. " She smiled now nearly
laughed and retorted : "Did you over
beo' ] ) . B. G ? ' "
"Tho pretty typewriter ? Never. " I
couldn't nolp a Ilttlo confusion ou my
own account , could I ?
"Than how do you know she is
pretty ? "
"Li/.zie well , all typewriters lire
pretty , -whan you haven't seen them , es
pecially below the Astor houno. "
" .Ah , Air. Hillings , you'ro dodging- . "
"I don't ' know any more about her
than you do Lizzio. " She turned ser
ious again in un instant. "You don't
know her either , do your1"
"Jifo ? I never heard of her except
through you , sir. And yet " slio stop
ped. "
"And yet "
But she didn't go on. "Well , " said I ,
well- . "
"Do you "beliovo in thcosophy ? " she
asked.
"Theosopliyl Rats. " Iv'o always
noticed that this is the most effectual
way to answer a theory you don't ' know
anything about.
"Of course. I don't ' understand , " she
quickly replied , "but somehow I fool
when I touch that letter that oh , I
don't know whatl" She put her slender
hand to her brow , us if to conjure up her
former thoughts ,
An idea seized me. An idea docs this
for mo occasionally , and I try to coin it
Into money.
"Horo , Lizzie take it again doa't
bo afraid tell nio now. "
"Dear mol" she whispered.
"What does it inako you think of
now , Lizzie ? "
"M.v inothorl"
"Mother ! Who was your mother ,
Llzzio ? "
I spoke very gently to her , and laid a
soothing hand upon hers that lie-Id the
crumpled shoot.
"I scarcely remember her , " she ro-
plicd. "When I hold this letter , " she
added , impressively , l'sho seems to bo
near in the room right hero. "
Thin lust in a whisper , I confess to a
cool chill along the npino at the moment
mont , but I quickly recovered.
"Ra Li/.zio , you nro nervous. You
are fanciful. You need abracing atmos
phere and exorclbo. Read it. "
To my surprise she was moro agitated
than before and trembled like she had a
chill.
"Thoro , there no moro of Sparks , "
said I , snatching away the letter and
chucking it Into a pigeon hole.
"I must boo that Brooklyn family
about Iilzzio , " I repeated to myself ever
and over again that evening. "Sho is
brooding over her mother. Poor girl !
Her mother is a question they never
dwell upon. "Why ? "
The Uroad street ofllco of A. M. Sparks
is a snug liltlo place. From the narrow ,
wornout stairway , up and down which
messenger ' . > oya dash from 10 till
3 and a messenger In full uniform
in the very net of dashing is u
great sight you are ushered into a
badly ventilated , badly lighted room ,
girt with rleketty chairs and embel
lished by a few maps and a tickor.
Whop wo udil n combination clerk and
ollleo boy and dirty carpet the descrip
tion is snlllclontly complete. "Very often
small customers of Mr. Sparks' hold
thcso chairs down , or surround the ticker -
or , or consult the ticker reports conven
iently at hand -withmoro or less gloomy
brows , as it may ho their or somebody
olso's funeral. Mr , Sparks lias a part
ner soinewhoro on the Iloor of the Ex
change. I never saw him. I never saw
anybody -who had ever soon him , I
never hoard of anybody who but lot
that TOSS. The combination clerk and
ollleo boy received mo with alacrity , and
tapped on the glass door labelled ' 'Pri '
vate" as if I was expected.
It wns qulto a cosy little room within ,
and Mr. Sparks himself rose , advanced
and greeted mo effusively. That is , ef
fusively for Sparks , ho began somewhat
taciturn and undemonstrative. As ho
did so I glanced about the place , per
milting my oycs to rest , finally , upon 11
lady seated ut a llemlngton in the cor-
nro. She was In the strong light of the
window , and I could not at once distin
guish her features. 'Mr. Sparks did not
leave mo long In suspense , but taking
mo over to her said ;
"This la 'Donvor&IUo Grande,1 Mr.
Billings. "
She laughed pleasantly a low , rip-
plln/ ? , girlish laugh whllo I wni pomo-
wlmt taken aback , I saw instead of the
usual ollleo girl a lady of perhaps forty ,
rather fleshy , but not fair , with coal
Unek hair and dark brown eyes , having
something familiar In tliotn. She was
veil but plainly dressed in some dark
ttuir , and as Blio stood looked a lady
born nnd bro'l. ' Wo scanned each other
critically.
She resumed her seat with a sigh.
"So you are the now typewriter "
"Yea , " she replied with n meaning
glance at Mr. Sparks.
"Yes , " ho echoed , "and also Mrs.
Sparks. "
"Your wife ! "
"Precisely my wife. "
" "Why I you wild n few days ngo her
name was Mrs. ( Jorol" I remarked , not
knowing anything sensible tosny.
"Certainly , " retorted the phlegmatic
Sparks , "but I didn't ' gay It would al
ways bo so. did I ? In faut , but for jour
confounded letter she would have
changed It sooner. AVait , lot mo explain.
Wo had como to a proper understanding
you BOO , nnd woio to have been married
that very afternoon when well , you can
now understand why I was so put out. "
"Not exactly ; in fact you will pardon
mo for observing right here that I can
not see that I have Imd anything what
ever to do with it. " I was rather net
tled nt his solf-conlidont way of putting
thfngs.
"No ; not intentionally , not knowing
ly , that is true , but don't you know , " ho
added , looking at Mrs , Sparks , "your
note produced the most wonderful ollcct !
I don t know what possessed mo , in the
first place , to add that line , unless with
the vague idea of preparing you for the
stop that followed ; but that note of
youis I handed it to her as a good
joke bless my soul ! she dropped in her
tracks , she did , by . "
She immediately raised a plump fore
finger. If she wasn't breaking Sparks
of u very bad habit I'm mistaken.
"And I was jealous think of mo at
fifty joulous of my typewriter ! But it
was all right when wo talked it ever ,
you Reo. "
"No ; I do not sco. " ( This vith em
phasis. )
"Well , that is just what I wanted to
talk with you about , " said ho.
"And I decline to go into such a pro-
poHtorous bubjcot. 1 never saw your
wife , or" I rose to go.
"Hold up , Billings ! That's not it , "
hastily put in Sparks. "Don't got ex
cited. Give a follow a chance. You
see I asked you hero at her request. "
"At my lequest , " repeated his wife ,
nodding.
"Sho wanted to see you. "
"I am Mattered , " said I , not exactly in
good temper.
"Lot mo speak , " interrupted Mrs.
Sparks. IIoi * voice was low and gentle ,
She wont on : "I had the most curious
sensation when I hold your letter "
'
ISly fneo must have 'become suddenly
illuminated by a spark of intelligence ,
for she paused , anil both she n < nd her
husband looked at mo fixedly. At any
rate I was clearly interested now. I
could scarcely wait for her to proceed ,
"It was if I wore thrilled with sudden
joy , It came and went , and came again
so quickly I lost consciousness. Nor
could I el early define what it had been
when all was over. I never felt BO but
once before in my lifo , " and bho bent
her head mode&tyl toward the carpet ,
"only this wan bo buddon and strong as
to overpower the senses. "
"Go on"said I eagerly , "pray goon. "
"Thank jou. Do you believe in what
men call theosophy ? "
The mime question ! The same dark ,
lustrous soulful eyes ! Could it bo pos-
slbloV I could no longer retain oven my
assumption of calmness , Did I bcliovo
in the doctrines of theosophy ? Yester
day I would have unhesitatingly an
swered "rats. " Now
"Well ; yes and no. That is , I believe ,
but not to the extent of the well-ac
cepted disciple , That two souls intent
upon each other may and do commune
in a limited way though their respec
tive bodies bo far asunder. I know. "
The solemnity of my assertion im
pressed them visibly , but in a different
way. She instinctively extended her
hands as if to detain mo right thoro.
"That is what I 1110:111 : , " she baid ;
"that is what I believe with all my bonll"
"Boliovo ? I can demonstrate it , " I de
clared , almost enthusiastically. "I will
p'-ovo it to your satisfaction before tlio
setlinp of another sunl"
"O , for heaven's sake , Delia , " Inter
rupted Sparks , looking at mo with an
expression which plainly indicated that
ho thought I ought to bo locked up ,
"don't lot your mind dwell on such fool
ishness ns that , "
Ho began to pace the floor Impa
tiently , Every tlmo ho passed mo ho in
dicated his contempt.
"It is the veriest rotl It is indiges
tion ! It is liver yes , liver ! Such a
theory would down the whole market.
Have nothing to do with it. Look here ,
Billings ; I always thought you wore a
man of hard , hoivo sonso. 'Two souls'
rot ! I don't ' Ixilicvo you have any such
convictions. Astril body get out ! If
you have , don't ' talk that stulT to Mrs.
Sparks , if you please ! 'Commune' by
the way , my dear , isn't it about time to
'commune' ' with our dinner ? My dear
Mr. Billings , como and see us. Delia is
my business partner now. Yes , she
knows all about stocks. She'll bo right
hero every day. Don't send your 'astral
body' down , but como yourself. She's
mv typewriter , just tlio sumo. "
Mrs. Sparks smiled bewitchingly the
while , and with the last remark of her
sturdy husband this smllo became a
laugh. How very like Lizzie Mather's
smile and laugh ! Wonderful , I thought.
"You have a typewriter , too , " she
gently insinuated.
"Billings ? Hot ho has ! " exclaimed
Sparks. "And she's a little beauty
oh ? "
"Sho's moro than a beauty , " I said ,
with all the significance I could throw
into my expression. I've boon told I
have n remarkable expression when it
works , "Sho's something of a thcosoph
herself. "
"Indeed ? You shall toll mo raoro
alxnit her , " said Mrs. Sparks.
' I will , mobtassuredly. "
"When ? "
"Tomorrow. "
' 'And that grand demonstration ? " ho
inquired.
"Tomorrow. "
" 'Tomorrow and tomorrow ! ' very
well. "
well.Vhon
\Vhon I left Broad street I was so excited -
cited with ray discovery that I came
very nearly being run ever by a beer
wagon. It seemed incredible that I had
been BO stupid as to not suspect the
truth at onco. It is the way of the
skeptic.
Great is the typewriter ! I was so full
of the possibilities of the case that I
boarded the elevated without depositing
the customary 11 vo cents. How should I
bring this pair together ? I would do It
vcs , tomorrow.
I never slept a wink thnt night.
"They're married. " I remarked scn-
tcntiously to Llzzio nt the ollleo. She
paused In the act of hanging up.hor hat ,
Tlio same eyes , by heavens !
"Who'ro married ? "
"Sparks nnd and Guess ! "
"Denver & Rio Grande ? "
"Exactly. "
Sue dropped her hat on the floor with
ablush , but hastily recovered it the
hat ; the blush was gone. Not a word ,
"Well:11
"What kind of a looking girl is she ? "
Natural inquiry , wasn't itr
"Let's wo ulainl that way , Lizzie.
She la a girl nbouL forty years of ago
don't Interrupt me black hnlr , dark ,
lustrous tiyos-llko yours , Llz/lo
slightly stout , apparently well born anil
bred. She Is also a stenographer , type
writer and thee ph } Is nervous , BOOS
spooks and eonumme , wlth other people
having nerves , Boeing spooks , etc. , by
means of her machine. "
I'm bound to say that instead of get
ting excited or turning pale at this vivid
description , Miss Mather laughed im
moderately.
"I'dllko toFco her , " she finally said.
"Tho very thing ! " ! exclaimed , "by all
means. She wants to see you very much.
Lot us go down thin afternoon , "
Llzlo was qulto taken aback at this.
She had a dozen excuses. I would ac
cept none. It was of the utmost import
ance , I reiterated. Step by stop she re
ceded , and it was finally settled. She
would go. The solemn statement that
MM. Smirks was a plain woman , plainly
dressed , had ns much to do with her ac
quiescence as any tiling else. It is the
wiiy of the sox. i
lly the tlmo wo reached Broad street
fizzle had partaken largely of my ner
vous excitement. How could nho avoid
the contagion of my enthusiasm ? Then
I began to realize my responsibility.
\Vas this the right way to roach tlio de
sired end ? Was I not too precipitate ?
Perhaps this sudden meeting might bo
dangerous perhaps oven fatal to ono
or both of thcMj high-strung women. I
had not thought of this. Miss Mather ,
nt least , must be prepared.
" .Lizzie , whom would you most llko to
moot In this world ? "
The question was abruptly put at the
foot of the stairs.
She looked frightened. Her color
faded. She leaned against the railing
for support.
"O , dear ! I'm afraid ! Lot mo go , Mr.
Billings. Wait a moment , please. I'm
so nervous ! Only a moment , " she said.
"Now toll mo wliiit you mean. " There
was desperation in the gaze she li.\cd
upon mo now.
I was at a loss how to proceed. Llz/.io
herself solved that problem.
"Ih is it , my mother ? " she gasped.
"Yes , Lizzie jour long "
"Let mo go ! Lot mo go ! I will not !
Oh , I cannot , cannot hoar it ! " She was
now s-obbing helplessly in my arms. I
< WH astonished ! Hero was a go ! Two
messengers in the act of dashing by
btoppad suddenly and took in the situa
tion.
tion."AVot
"AVot nro ycr doin' hero ? " said ono.
" \Vhy don't ycr let the girl alonu ? "
cried the other. "Let 'or gol"
"Call a 'cop. ' Jimmy , quick ! " And
away the other dashed for certain. I
&aw bovcrnl men and boys gather on the
walk , Pretty boon there would bo a
hundred. "Why , a dog-light would block
that street in live minutes ! A police
man would bo there in six. This was
getting warm. I tried to booth her
to coax her up stairs , She whispered in
my car , and tlio lone betrayed her pain
in making the roelation. .
"My mother ib mad ! You don't
know oh , you , do not know what you
have done ! She's mad ! She miiit hnvo
escaped ! Don't let mo see her , pleate.
I 1 want to remember her as she was
when I was a child. Please tnko mo
away I beg ! " She slipped down on her
knees before I could prevent it. I shall
never forget her fciipplicnting oyes.
Thoio vna a nluijlllug bound in llio
croud ( already rapidly growing larger
and boihterou's ) and a policeman rushed
into the narrow way and laid a heavy
hand upon my collar.
"Pull him out , " yelled somebody out
side who couldn't see what was going
onThis
This raised a regular chorus of cries
in which I was handled unmercifully.
Fortunately for mo another oilicor ap
peared at tblH juncture , and , following
the instructions of this fellow , closed the
door and placed his broad back against
it. At the same the crowd outside had
aroused the tcmintd of tlio building , and
these now began to appear at the land
ings and on the btniiri. I recognized the
combination clerk-and-ollicc-boy , who
disappeared in a twinkling , and in a mo
ment down came Sparks , closely followed
by Mrs. Sparks.
Now for it , I thought , and was almost
in hopes the policeman would club mo
into insensibility.
"Hold up ! " shouted Sparks , who came
down two steps at a time "hold up of-
flocrl Why , Billings ! What the , and
Miss Mather , tool Here , Delhi , tukocaro
of the girl Mrs. Sparks. Mit-s Mather
I suppose. Now what In excuse mo ,
Delhi , just this time what is the moan
ing of all this row ? " ho continued , when
I had been released.
But I was insensible to any indignity
at the moment. Miss Mather had
glanced at Mrs. Sparks and the latter
looked confusedly at each of us in turn ,
Nobody fainted. I was apparently the
only one who felt like fainting. If
somebody had pulled my nose I
should have felt grateful. For both of
the ladies had turned from each other tome
mo , Mibs Mather's eyes fairly Hashing
with anger ; Mrs. Sparks' oye.s running
over with contemptuous amusement. All
of this , from the ad-vent of the policeman
did not occupy more than a minute. I
crowded a week's solid nonpareil thought
into that minute.
"Mr. Billings , " said Miss Mather ,
"you're a fool.1'
"You're a fool Mr. Billings , "said Mrs.
Suarks.
"Hillings , you'ro an ass , " said Sparks.
This was too palpably true to bo re
sented. I partially redeemed myself ,
however , by turning to the policeman
and asking satirically : "What is your
opinion , Mr. Oilicor ? "
"Looks a little that way , sir. "
"I'll make the verdict unanimous , "
said I. "I am "
* * * * * * * * *
I have never monkeyed with theosophy -
phy since. Have returned to the theory
of remarkable coincidences. The Brook
lyn family sent for Mibs Mather's over
shoes and salary , and gave mo a good
rap for scaring her half to death , adding
that her mother had been under key for
ton years and it was none of my busi
ness. I have withdrawn my patronage
from Sparks , though lie scorns to bo do
ing bettor in his now partnership. Liz
zie Mather works for A. M. Sparks &
Co. The "Co. "continues to faint occa
sionally.
I have a now typewriter. A. M. A
Man.
Man.Dr.
Dr. Blrnoy cures catarrh , Bco bldg.
Ono-lmir Pui'iictunl Night.
Sig. Schiaparolli , the Italian astrono
mer who has made move wonderful dis
coveries among the planets than all the
other astronomers of our day put to
gether , has just furnished a now sur
prise , says the Now York Sun , greater
than his recent discovery that Mercury
performs only ono rotation in the course
of a revolution around the sun. II o now
assorts that Venus , the brightest of all
the planets that wo BOO , the twin sister
of the earth , which is at present glow
ing with nightly Increasing splendor In
the west after sundown , also turns hut
once upon its axis in the course of a
revolution around the Hiin. In other
words there is no alternation of day and
night on Venus , as on the earth. The
planet enjoys perpetual day on ono side
of its globe , while- the other Bide is
plunged in unending night.
Thodanpcrof a malarial ntmosphcro may
bo averted if you will occasionally tnko a
dose of Dr. J. II. McLean's Chills and Fever
Cure.
T1IOUCI1TS IN LIGHTER VEIN ,
Some Stories Gleaned Prom the World of
Wit and Humor ,
HE WAS ENTIRELY TOO GRATEFUL ,
Got Valua Ilcceivcil fiirlllfl Tip Quite
tbo "KcvcfBo" Wonderful Acci
dent at n Fair A Prohi
bition lny. )
Now York Suns Doctor You must bo
very careful nbout your illct.
D.isbnway That's nil right , doctor. My
landlady attends to that.
Kooiiomlunl Astronomy.
New York Sun : Little Isnnc-O , fader 1
Loci ; ad do shtnrs , bow ilcy slilno I
Schonbortf Uon'd long at do shtnrs , Iltcy ;
look ad do moon , id's bigger.
Kntlrelyto ( li-ntcfut.
Tlio Keystone ! Horrower You nro very
Idml to lend mo thcso lifty dollars ; I fed us If
I cflii never repay you.
Lender Kli { Why in thunder didn't ' you
any that ut llrstl
Ail IiiKlorlntiH CniicIiiNlon.
Somervlllo Journal : Debtor I want to pay
that little bill of yours
Creditor All rljrht , my dear boy.
Debtor But I can't. '
Clever.
Dry Goods Chronicle \Vccks i "What a
very clever poem young Keightley has wilt-
ten In Mlbs Gladys' nlliittnl
Wi'iitman ( who luw a poor opinion of
Kc'ljtlitluy's tnuso ) Very. Ho copied It out
of 'Iciinysoa without gutting a slnglo word
wronn ; I
A. 'traluht Tip.
rilcfjcndlo Hlnttcr : Customer Here ,
waiter. I give you three pouco for your-sclf ,
now tell me what you would recommend with
n clear conscience.
Waiter ( in n eoiiIlJentlal whisper ) Uo to
another restaurant 1
On tlio t'ontrnry.
WnslilnRton Post : "Is this an Intelligence
oflli'or'nskcd a stranger , as ho looked In at
tbo door. "No , sir ; you couldn't have been
fuither wrontr"was the reply of n ili'llbcrato-
spoken , big-voiced man. "This is detectives'
hc.ulijuartcrs. "
Culpable I noriincc.
Smith. Gray & Co.'s ' Moatlily : Uncle S.im
V'ou Ciiiindinns are not very wise.
Canuck What do you mean I
Unt-lo Sam You don't know enough to
coino in out of the rclgn.
A I'rnlilhitl .11 liay.
Nothing is lo-it in all this world ;
The sunlight's ' smallest ray ,
Tlio mighty grain of Uiiftinn sand
Have each their part to play.
Anil tho' the beer kegs ranged In rows
Beside the curb npaiu
Ate full no longer what of that !
Just ga/o upon the men.
An Alvmti ; o < > iis Position.
New Yor'cVoeldy : Advertiser I wish
this advertisement placed in some part of the
paper where people will bo sure to sco it.
K'litor Yes bir , jcs sir. I can put it right
alongside of an editorial if you wish.
Advertiser -Hem I 1'le.ise put it alongside
of the baseball news ,
A Very Cooil I
Smith , Gray & Co.'s Monthly : Gnzam I
s > co Unit an unmarried woman has been ad
mitted to tbo bar in Iowa , but it is to ho
honeil that bho will not ho elevated to the
bcnt'Si.
Mrs. tiazznm 'Why not , IM Hue to know ?
( < az/aia 13ccatibo 110 ono vsautb to bo
juilgud.
Now York Sun : "They say there's been
a dreadful accident nt the county fair , "
"What happened 1"
"A lawyer stood vp before the whole crowd
and shot off his mouth. "
I.itor.iry Ijnve.
Sotncrvlllo Journal : "Will you review my
next book I" asked ono author of another.
"With pleasure , my dear fellow , " was the
biotbcr author's reply , ' 'if only you won't ask
mo to read it. "
AVlmtlliul Uceonio of It.
The Keystone : "Do you imow , my dear , "
said Mr. Darrinpcr. ns lie smiled fondly upon
his young hopeful , ' 'I ' believe that our hey has
inlicrited our iiminlilo disposition. "
"That explains it , " remarked bis wife with
a demure binllo , "I've been wondering for
some time what hud become of it , "
Con vine il ,
Good News : Pollco Captain Have rou at
tended to that burelury nt Mr. Fooatnan's
house )
Detective , Yes ; been at work on It nil day.
"What is your conclusion I"
"A robbery lias been committed. "
"Very well. Now go to work 011 these cthor
cases , "
Texas Sittings : "Now , my friend , what
will you do with all that moacy ! " said an old
gentleman to n tramp to whom ho hud Riven
a nickel. Tramp ( gating at the coin ) : "Well ,
I tfiiesb I'll go to the races and bet seine of it.
If I lose I reckon I'll spend the summer at
.Asbury park instead of going to Saratoga. "
Quito Different.
Somervlllo Journal : "Is tbat nlovolotterl"
nskod ono young lawyer of another , who was
poring busily over some closely-written
sheets ,
"Oh. no , " replied the other confusedly.
"It is just a writ ot attachment. "
Kvrryhoily II ill n Show.
PhiladelphiaTiines : "I like the plrl's dis
position , " Bald Scadloy ns a maldea passed
down to the beach in particularly abbreviated
bathing lobes. "Know her ! " asked Kutb-
bone. "No , but I can see she's disposed so
far as she can to give o\orybody a show. "
AVcll Fitted.
Life : "Yoa want n position on tin staff as
n humorist , eht" asked the editor.
"Yes , " said the graduate , -'that's what I
want. "
"What experience hnvo you had ? "
"Well. I pulalcd the word 'Damn' on the
chapel steps up utcollcgo once and lit a giant
cr.iciter under the chair of our Greek profes
sor. "
_
Distinction Without DilToronc" ,
Smith , Gray & Co.'s Monthly : Walking
on the beach at Coney Island I met two Irish
men who wcro admiiing the observatory ,
which , after doing duty at the centennial ,
was lomovcd from Philadelphia and sot up on
the island.
"Oh , Jemmy , " said one , "Jtst look at tbo
high thing ! "
"Nlvcr mind the height , Pat , but get onto
the length avitl"
No Occasion Tor II in Services.
Chicago Tiibuno : "Madame , " said the
caller In n subdued , respectful voice , "I hnvo
been informed by ono of your neighbors that
you have met with a bereavement , and I liuvu
ventured to - "
"I have nud no recent bereavement , " Inter
rupted the lady somewhat stlflly.
"I wns told you had lost your husband , "
ho rejoined apologetically.
"Yes more than two years nuo. "
"May I usk If you have placed a monument
ment as yet over his ro - "
"Ho was blown up In n powder mill. "
The tombstone agent took his hat and went
owuy without another word.
Fitted Tor tlio Stage.
Boston Transcript : Amateur actress I
think I could give full satisfaction to tlio
publlo. My wardrobe is as elegant as It is
diversified and you know there has been no
little scandal lu connection with my family
relations ,
Manager Yes , these nro - at
tractions , I admit ; but tnero is ono thing
moro , The publlo will Insist upon interest
ing anecdotes of your lifo , sayings and
adventures.
Amateur actress I3ut I've ' never had any
adventures nml I don't remember saying any-
thimr wortb repeating ,
Manager Oh , that mnlics no difference.
You cuu easily Wro some bright fellow to
ftirnUh nil the nnmlolos ncc-c.ssnry ! wolll
supply everything out the money to pay for
them. That , of course , will bo for you to
see to.
WHO 1'UIU'P
"Who Icllleil the cnnlnoJ"
"I. " sold the copiterj
"with my Ilttlo popper
I killed tliu canine. "
"I pnvo the order , "
1 feel no Krlcf
"I , " said the chief ,
"Who gave the order I"
' How much U In 111"
"I'lfty cents for each poodle ,
And the cop gets Iho boodlo-
That's what's la It. "
"Who pets the collnrl"
"I. " Biild the owner !
"I'm ' the
solo moaner ,
1 Ret the collar. "
" \Vliopcts the remains 1'
"I , " said the Kalltnaster ,
"Unless some one is foster
I Kctthoroni.ilns , "
Physicians , Surgeons and Specialists.
STREET
OMAHA , NKIJ ,
The most wldoly and favorably known spec
ialists In tlio United States. Their loni ; ex
perience , remarKable skill mid universal suc
cess In tlio tiontiniMit and cure of Nervous ,
Olironloiind Surglonl Diseases , entitle thcso
omlnptit physic-tuns to tlio lull confidence of
the allllotcd everywbere. They guarantee :
A OKIITAIN AMI ) POSITIVH OUKB for
the awful alTecta nf early vlcoiuid tbo numer
ous evils that follow In Its train.
I'KIVATK , 111,001) ) AND SKIN DISEASES
spredlly , eomplt'luly and permunrntly cured.
NEKVOUUilllMTY ( AN ! ) HKXIMI , 1)18-
OUDKitS v Id icadlly lotholr sMllful trcat-
mrnt.
I'n.Rs , , yrur/A AND KEOTAL UI.ORKS
Biiiirutite curtd without pain or detention-
flOlll llllSll c'lS ,
liriKOCiiR : AND VAKICOOii ; < n perma
nently ami successfully cured In nvoiy caso.
SVlMIIIjIb. UONtmitilttA , GM'.KT , Hpor-
nmtorihcn , Bon.liml Weakness , Lost Manhood ,
Night Emissions , Dci'iiyuil faculties , I'unulo
\\LMkncss and all delicate disorders pceullnr
to either heY posit Uuly cured , us wolf us nil
functional ( lIsniihirH that result from youth
ful follies or tbuo\ccss ot mnliiroyeuis ,
TtflfTIlKM" Oiiirnnleed pnriimiiontly
ulivili I UlVlj cured , roiumnl complete ,
without cuttliiK , e.'uistlo or dllntiitlnn. Cures
alleetod nt homo hy patluut without u mo
ment's pain or annoyaiici. ' ,
TO YOUNG AND MIDDLE-AGED MbN.
JThe nwtl11 ulTcets of
y cny | vleo which brings
orpniilo wo.iknoM , destroying both mind and
body , with nil Us dicuiled ills , permanent. } '
cured.
lHs ( HTCTT1 ? Address these who biivolm-
IJI\J. 1JUI 1 J pulroU thcmsolvi'S by liu-
prnporIndulgence jintl solitary Inblts , wlileb
ruin both mind and body , unlUtlng thom for
business , stud v or niiirlaitc.
MAIWIKI ) MIIN or tlioso cnterlnson that
lii : | > I > y life , aware of physical doblhty , quickly
assist.il ,
OTJR SUCCESS
Islmscil upon fuels. First I'rnrtlcnl ' oxporl-
oneo. rieeoncl J very cufio IsHpoolally studied ,
thus starling light. I'lili-d-Mcdiclnes are
prepared In our laboratory exactly to milt
uuch crasu , thim clTcijUiigeuies\vltliout Injury.
Drs , Betts & Betts ,
1109 DOUGLAS STREET , - - OMAHA. NEB.
A-k * 1 ICkUi
The figure 0 In our dates will make a Ions stay ,
No mau oroinan now living will ever data a
document without using the flguro 0. It itanJa
In the third place In 1890 , where It will remain ten
years and than mova up to M-cond placa In 1000 ,
vvlicrolt will rest for ono hundred years.
There Is another " 0" which linsalsoconiQ to etay.
It U unlike the figure 0 In our dates In the respect
that U has already moved up to first place , where
U will permanently remain. It U called the "No.
B" llleh Arm Whoskr & Wllsou Sowing Machine.
The "No. 0" vas endorsed for first place by tha
eipcrU ot Uurc | > o at Ilia 1'arls Exposition of J8SO ,
where , nf Ur a sivcroeontcst with tlio loading ma
chines of tha uorld , It wns awarded the on ) ;
Grand Prize given to family sewing machines , all
others on exhibit having received lower awards
cJ gold medals , etc. Tlio French Government
also recognized Its superiority by thodccorntion of
Mr. Nathaniel Wheeler , Presidentolllio compauy ,
with the Cross of the Legion of Honor.
'fbo "No. 0" U not nn old machine Improved
Eton , but is an entirely now machine , and the
Grand Prize nt Paris nas airarded it as the grand *
est advance in tcwiui ; machine mechanism of tlx
age. Thofio wlio buy it can rent assured , there.
fore , of haUng the very latest aud best.
& WILSON wp'o co. ,
185 nnd 187 "Walifuli Ave. , Chicac0-
P. E , FLODMAN & CO.
220 North Sixteenth Street.
Japanese round , hand made
Toothpicks , two thousand in a
fancy box , 35 cents.
CIIAHI2 & J3II > Y ,
TjMCIt.S AMI STAT1ONKHS
1JNCHAVI3118 AM ) 1MUNTI3HS ,
Hit Sonlli Kltli Struct ,
iLLAHLIHEOGEAN STEAFflERS
3.
Pattigo to end from Qred Britain and afl
parti ol Europe. Hontrtal-Llrerpool roule , by the
wntcrs ol St. Liwronce. jhortcst olall. ( JUscowto
noslou , to I'bllAdilplila , l.htrpool to and from
iialtlmorf. 'VUlrtj Stnrurrs. Clan oxceltlor.
Accommodations UDBUtpasicd. Weakly imnjt. (
AI.IiAN .t C0..aon. Went. Ag'td.
C.JSunell. y - e-r. J13I. flMlo ht. . Chlcauo , JJ.
tius.
Drs. Merill & Merill ,
Chronic. Xervoin , Illnodiinil SurKlcol ll ) ( > n P < nn <
dl cn c ot the njre. llnr , None , Trout nnil Clie t.
Hjicclul Attention ti > orViH
tn en mill UlilltlriMi.
The rtootor * Itivo hnit Jfnr" nf p | icrlonco In Ilia
linvpltuH of ltrioklrn nnd Now York , ntxl nrontnotiit
Ilin mont oucreDaful uiul wliluly known ti'eulnlltsli lu
'lo Yotiiii : nnd JIHillivtrotl Alon ,
Ixi t M.inliood , NcrroiK Dotillllr , Spormntiirrlinj ,
Scinlniil lo c , i'lijnloiil llcony , nrl'liiH from lmlli
crcllon , | irtxtucliiff plcuplo.iiu * . , ilo poiuloncy , pliti *
I'ldcm ' tliu fnro , ntrrnloii t loriiMr , easily ill-coiir-
ncoil , luck of cotitiilenciMlull , unlit for itiulyor bull-
iiL' , niulllniM llfouljuiduninrclril > urniinviitly ! nnj
Pci'illlr curoil ,
Itldod nnd Skin IHBcnncn.
HjilillH | n dlncnua most Urendful In Its reuilts ,
Coiuiluloly | cnidlcalml ,
( ii-niKi'Urlnnny Surcory.
CJonorrluo , fllwt , Syiilillln , Itydroccld , Vnrlpocd *
nnd HlrMiiid millciuly nnd aitfely ruroil ivlthout
imlnur ilolcntlon from liuiinomi. All ciunl l > ofor >
inllloK ii ud luii'eilluicnls to iiiiirrlnBOsuccoJsfiilly ro-
moved.
All Ucctal ill < en t nnfcljr nnd iicrmnnpntlr cured.
IlourK.Un. in , tills p. MI. SimiHyx , 11)1111 ) 1. ' .
N 11. l'or on * nimble to vl lt us mny lie trontod nt
tliclr liome * IJJT rorrmpoml nro. Mcillclnci unit In *
atrnctlon'4Pnt by otirr | , Cnn ull tlon free.
Bend 4 ( t'nta In HHIIU | to I in nro reply ,
J18 I'ltiDLMilli Ht. , O | > | iOHlto lloyil'g
O | ira House , Onmlin , Net ) .
Jas. Morton & Son
ISilDockre St.
AGENTS FOR
Wm. T. Wood & Go's
Ice Tools.
Prescott sliclinp ; Door
O
Hangers.
Washburn & Moeu
Mnfg. Go's Wire
Rope.
Yale & Townc Mnfg.
Co.'s Fine Locks.
DENTIST
BROWN'S BLK.f
Corner i6th and DouglasSts. ,
Omaha , Neb ,
Rooms 212-213 , Enti-aiico 207 S. 10th Sb
Tolophoiio 481.
* . . *
Artlflcial Teeth on rubber , as cheap
as nt any 11 rst class olllcc. Sco our gold
lined plates , fop beauty and strength ,
they take the load of nil. A POSI
TIVELY PAINLESS AND SAFE
METHOD OL1 EXTRACTING TEETH.
J. C. WHINNBRY.D.D.S. .
PER
WEEK.
Agents Wanted !
Portraits Enlarged to any slzo.
Wilt..I Fr.lil T r i * CiUloiM. I
Cllescs Ilcctrto licit Esliieire Co. " 1
S15toSJ3 E. Ilnndolph St.
Chicago , Ills.
IiAWVHIta ANI > t-OI.lClTOUS ,
n A TP M T
HA I r N I w htKdxco. ,
I n I I-II I iUO HuiMliiK , - ualm Neb
DR. GLUCK ,
Eye and Ear ,
Darker Illock , litli and Fiinmm. TclcphontCM
WLATEST
NERVE M BRAIN TREATMENT *
Bwclflo for MT t rl , niMliifaj.rti ! , BPunOjIa , Wak * .
lulneM. Mental Impruulon.b'iiienliiRoC tb liraln.ro *
tulllni : In Inianlly ami Icullntf to misery drr/iy urn !
dtith.I'rcraaturo Ohl A c , ! > arrennpEr , l.o of rover
in cither BOX , liiYolunUrjr l.o t > s , anil Hjicnnatoirlirc *
cause * ! l > r orer-oinrtlu-\ the liinln , luir-cliina ere
o * cr-ltidulffonce. lich box contamn ono montr 'i * IrcaU
roont. ilaliiii , or lit for j , unttif millpmmlii.
Wllli caclj oiilor for tlx boxra , will mml tmrclmMr
miaranfo tu rffmul money If Iho trrntmrnt lolld to
cure. uuar&nl 04luuttl unil uunulnu void imlyby
GOODMAN DRUG CO. ,
1110 Fiiriiaiu Street , - Omulin , Neb
, .i-a--rf fifisvou-B2Mi |
, V/ctknoiiof NodyandHlnd , Eff.cU
UofErrorBPrEzcesseiln Older Ycunp ,
hlinOlirnllrlUlUrtd. ll w loml.rt. 14
, inumi.uritiM > u < iiKEui > iiiTtorr.our.
, uriuiur iiimif 7Hu raiNT-ii B on ima.r.
H n ttttllf from AOBlaleipBdrtrcls CoaBlrlffl. 1Trll llcia
Diicrlvll.n ro k , ripluilloaHid vioof. reill.J ( inUdlfi
UJni. F.KIEZ MEDICAL CO. , BUFFALO. N.
CHICHESTCFTS ENGLISH
PENNYROYAL PILLS.
RED CnoSO DIAMOND GRAND.
Rafu , * ur4 nd tlwtri rrtUMt. La dirt , ok
UruBitUt for IHumord llr n < lior Ml turUlHi
Loxri , ! ! wltii Uut r blx a. Tukn no oUirr.
Heu'i-U.ltlpi ' ) for TftiUouUri MK ! "Keller for
I'ivllcfe.Hiii ttturtlr rfturn i nil.jVuw/\if if
' ' '
TO WEAK MEN' '
BufTerlnit from Iho rffocu of yimUiful c-mini , fnrlr
dtcay. wutliiK wcuLnfM , Iml lnnnli'XHl.clc.,1 ' wljl
nu n vnluarilu treatlia ( waleill coiiUlnliiK full
partlciiUrs for homo cum. FIIKK of rhorin. A
IleuJI < l mtdlcnl worlci hould l r ? < i lirntrr
man who l > iirrvmi * onil ilelillltatPit. XiMrru ,
' '
si.T-Dr. lxrtuo. I'orlodlcal
tlio French rcincitr. act on Iho iiicnutriml i/ntunt unit
euro lupprcmlim from lutntiT cinio , 1'ioinoH
luonitruutlun. 'llieaopllliiliiiiild notlm taken dur <
Init prcuimnor. Am. I'lll Co. , llojrnltr 1'rops. , hpon.
rt r. Clay Co. , In ( Jiuiiilnu by Hhorinan IL Mul'oiinrll ,
Dotltrait. . rioar 1' . U.nmlui ( ; a A. Melthur , Kuutk
UiaaLa ; M. r. ISIIK , Council llluS . U , or 3 fur lJ.
WE1 A If MANHOOD
EHK" HVk lirlrlln j ll" ' i ! ! ' *
fcij" P W & . , benUltfullT
&ij. | jitt Vltf r , ud
'ntorrd. rtrUo.il > or.J. I'a'rtl'fularji'l > t nirii > nX
le Iliui Tr ll. , outfreoiuUl al J ID fd , W J > I" .
LJiri.i IXCUNtllBmrjTt.lv. Ml AJ.II niUUH II. , X.t ,