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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (July 13, 1890)
THJS OMAHA DAIJLY BJflE , SUNDAY , JULY 13 , 1S90-SIXTEEN PAGES , 11 K1 rill SERVANT CIRl PROBLEM. s Dow Housekeeping Promises to Bo Oon- ducted in the Future. THE ADVANTAGES OF ORGANIZATION , V Symoin Umler Wliloli Kltelicn BwcllH , AViiHtiMiml Hired Glrln AVII1 Ilccumc ThliijjH ol' the 1'alnfnl I'asl. The uncertainty/ perplexity , nnd oven real distress tliat surround the housekeeping and homo-kccplng of toiluy , nro temporary In their nature , and are duo nrilnly to the fact thai wo nro In n transition period , writes Helen Bkln Kturrutt. The economic luw of the or ganization of labor Is r.ipldly extending Iti workings Into every depart mont of the world's work , and Is at present pirticulurly Butlvu In the direction of what wo Imvo been nceiistomcd to regard at the domestic Indus- trio ? , AH Is mindly the case , the first effects of the operation of this law are confusion nnd destruction , whllo the old is bolng disintegrated and abolished to make way for thu new. Hut to those whoso experience and observation of life nro deep enough and broad enough to ciinblo them to pf-rcclvo that our present confusion Is only n p.irtof . the general - oral evolutionary process everywhere nt work in society , the future of the domestic arrangements of the home Is full of hope nnd promise. First , as to servants. However numerous the causes assigned for the difficulties of housekeeping , all agree that the principal dif ficulty Is found In the liicoinpotcnro , Insubor dination , nnd Irresponsibility of thnt class whom wo name domestics. Thu very fact thnt wo denominate thorn by the words "class" and "servants , " gives iho key to the fundamental dlfllculty , The man or woman who expects that In any country whom edu cation and opportunity nro free to nil , and in telligent and competent workers will bo con tent to lemnln In a class , and Unit class a stlg- inntlzcd one , expects in vain , It is singular bow widespread , oven among good and intel ligent people , U the disposition to grow Imllg- nnnt over n statement of tills Intnl. With Mushing chocks nml elevated voices they will declare such a pilnclplo to bo wholly wrong ; that domestic work In the household Is Justus honornhla as tiny other kind of work : nnd that the young woman who mix her own living to earn , and who IR not willing to earn it by goIng - Ing Into a good homo and doing the cooking or laundry work or "second work" for a good , kind , respectable family , deserves to starve. They will adduce the fact that the young man who has his living to e.irn docs not hesitate at beginning as office boy ( Sweep ing floors , kindling fires , and performing all thu menial work pertaining to such a posi tion. The answer to all this is tlio facts in the case. No matter who is to blame ; no matter now much society Is denounced for making such distinctions ; wo nil know that t i start a.s office boy affixes no stigma , nor does it in any way bnr tlio upward progress of the youth toward the possible ultimate goal of partnership la the linn ; while the title or occupation of "servant girl" is a bar Hlnlstcr which no Intelligence or faithful per formance of duty can over remove at least it cannot in the present constitution of so ciety. People who discuss this singular fact will assert that it is not in thu nnturo of the work performed that the difference lies , the cilice boy's work being Just as menial nnd dlsngivcnblo as that of the kitchen girl. No matter where the difference lies and where nnd why It lies , the writer hopus to show in this paper the facts nro stubborn dictators to parents who have sons nnd daughters. The parent , however rich , who sa > s , "My son shall , If necessary , begin on the lowest round of the ladder and lenrn nnd 'work up1 in a regular business , " Is regarded ns sen sible nnd Judicious ; the parent , howevorpoor , who should say concerning n bright , intelli gent daughter , "My daughter shall begin her eurecr in life by preparing herself to bo a flrstrclnss cook , slnco such a preparation will always insure her good wages In n good homo , " would bo set down us a "crank , " if not something worbo. But what tire the difficulties with these al ready engaged in domestic service the great class of foreigners who haunt our kitchens I Principally two. First , they do not know how to perform properly the work now re quired in our homes ; and , secondly , they , as a class , cannot or will not bo taught. Their utter irresponsibility , their general iudiffer- cnco about retaining their places , the impos sibility of holding them by any contract and consequently of enforcing nny rules or disci pline , the usual entire separation of their in terests from those of their employers , all com bine to make thorn a foreign and disintegrat ing clement in family lifo. It is mere was to of words to say that if mistress only know howto Instruct and dlroct household servants the difficulty would bo overcome. These among mistresses who have the most difll- cnlty mid whoso experience is the most dis couraging , are these who know exactly bow "X perform nil the operations of household tvork themselves , and who tire willing to spend tlmo nnd strength In teaching their servants how to do these things , If teaching once or twice or even a dozen times were the end ot it. But it has passed Into n proverb among clever mistresses , that Just as they have succeeded In training n servant to per form her work in a satisfactory manner , she cither marries or goes off for higher wages , and easier or pcrhups for moro systematized nnd specialized woik. Her favorite time for leaving without notice Is Just after she lias been paid in full till date ; nnd the mistress who bus in a gcuoious moment thus settled the wages account , leaving the question of broken china nnd lirlc-a-brtic for future con sideration , most frequently finds herself , without redressloft to take n new recruit nnii reconcile herself to thu loss of china as best she may. It may throw light oven upon this discour aging aspect , to obscrvo thatthoro uro condi tions under which these difficulties nro met nnd overcome oven In domestic service. These conditions are found wherever domes- tie labor Is employed on a largo scale , organ ized and systematized ; and. paradoxical us it tuny appear , nearly all domestic servants prefer to work in nn organization , It Is a well known fact that hotels and Institutions of nil kinds where the work Is specialized and systematized , can obtain domestics wltli far less diniculty and for less wages , nnd can control them with far moro success than the private filmlly. This Is only an illustration of tlio fact Unit uorncstiu servants nro ini pressed mul influenced by tlio spirit of the UL'O , which rebels iiRalnst submission to tlio dictates of the Individual will , but biibmlts freely to the despotism of tin organization In u largo part thu Insubordination of domes tlo serviuils tti-ises from u growing fcclin ? o _ _ -jf jitiwliilnpH'aH to be illrcctetf nnd governed bj ffio'Individual. And lastly , in so far ns the tllfllcultlcs lie on the slue of domestic servants the conditions of tlio work nro no in nci'onlanco with developing liumiu nnturo , lliminn nnturo loves tovorl In company. In sympathetic companionship The domestic borvnnt is n solitary worker without sucli companionship during her hours of toll. Wlmturcr liitorosts sholins , lie / inn wholly illfTercnt direction ftxiin these o \ licr omiiloyer. To liurry throiiKh her work noustoKe.1 off uiul join roiiiimnlons of her ' own class , seems to bo increasingly the mo tlvo of tlio modern domestic servant ; nnd licnco tiriso nil tlio diniailtles and nbou "tliiys out , " nnd ovculnga spout the mistress knows not wliero. All attempts to enforca nilea about hours nud times nnd seasons usually end in an Informal parting bcUvcci mistress nud maid , the mlstrvss nlmos always in such an Issue coming out sccoiu best. best.And And on the part of the mistresses of the homes of today , wliuro do the chief dinicultie Hot First , in the fact that modern social llf makes HO ninny demands upon cducatot M omen most of them in the ulrccllou of ro ll ned social pleasures or ot ussoclatlous fo intellectual improvement or for hcncllcen nnd philanthropic work that tlio tlmo ueeos sary to suixirvlso the kltclicn nnd the Ser vants of today cannot bo given without ni utmost cntlro ixilliuniishnient of the plutuuroi nnd benellts of refined nnd educated socht IIfo. If the housekeeper of today hnvo llttl children , her task is already moru than nn ; but these of the strongest physlnuo cnn en duro. The caiM nnd nurture nnd tralnlnu' o llttlo ehlldivn Is nn occupation that should bo varied only by recreation and unfutiguliig congenial work , uncomplicated with any can that is distracting mul distressing. Th ( wtbcst possible ix-inovo from tlieso dcalrubl condition * Is that of the mother of young children whoso euro nnd labor for her chil dren is complicated with tlio cnrc of Incompe tent nnd xviutoful ftcrvnnU. whoso dally vl - iti to her kitchen ncntl her buck to her chil dren dhturboil nnd ill H-pwcd By the sight of dl ordcr , imcleutillncis , wnstonnd destruction which she 1 t > owurlc s to remedy cither by dmls or wordi ; tiecdi being impossible , and words useless or wane than useless. Let us not fall to note the fuel that neither mlstiwes of household * nor domestic sorv- nits nro to Ultima for the present Inhnrmo- ilousnesR of the relation of mistrcns and crvniit. In the prc'scnt condition of homo Ifo this inhnmioiiy Inliures in the relation ( self. It is n ftivorlto theory with unerflcliil thinkers nnd observers upon las subject , that the present dlnicultles oulil bo Inrgcly remedied if domestic scrvlco ould bo elevated nnd domestic workori bo csjiocted nnd tretitrd tis iiieinbei-s of the film- ly. All such theorlits Ignon ) the fundnmen- ill diniculty thnt tlio homo is the most exclu sive institution In the world the happier mul nero refined , the more exclusive. It cannot olurntu the permanent familiar Intrusion ntd Its dully life of iinrono , no nutter how food nnd respcttiible. llotisholds muy rccog- il/.e nnd admit the fnct Unit those who per form household service fur tbum nro Just as [ oed nnd pcrluips better than their own mom- ) , but that in not the question. Nobody Is vantcd ns "ouu of the family , " nnd to feel hut thu housekuopor or domestic helper ex- icctfl to bu admitted Into the sanctuary of the 'itmily ' sitting-room , or to become n member if tlio group thnt surrounds the fmnlly tnble , s to ronlUu the ctpninl inlmrinony of the iroposed lelntlon. On the other liiiiul , con- ilderlng th cpiestlon from the standpoint of the domestic xen'ant , it Is this very isolation nnd separation from the llfo of the homo , coupled with nbrldgoment of Individual burly nnd thu lack of associ ation with others In the perform ance of toll , thnt cauics the Insepamblo dlHliki ) to undertaking household service. This is the answer to the question , so often iskeil , why American girls will tnko work In shops and stores nnd manufactories of till iliids. wliero they will cnduro all manner ot hardships anil live on the barest pittance of wages rather than po into comfortable , shel tered , domestic hervico , Human nature not onlv yearns for companionship In toll yes , mil even In misery but it longs also for nb- bolutu freedom from dictation find eomnmrd , ns nlso for freedom from the yolto of toll , nt stated periods. It is trim that these who work in organizations usually work harder and Imvo their Individual liberty much more despotic-ally ubrldged during their houw of labor than the domestic servant ; but thu work and weariness and discomfort nro shared by fellow-workers , nnd in this fact there is a divinely ordained alleviation nnd consolation , wjiilo the despotism that rules them ceases absolutely with the close of working hour. * , nnd then there is libcity. Not even surveillance or advice after the gong rings. All these condition ? of organ ised labor are in accordance with the funda mental desires of human nature , nnd no theory of llfo and progress can over obtain which contravenes them. Emerson , in his "Sover eignty of Ethics , " says that "tho inevitabili ties are always sapping the foundations of every institution built upon n wiong. " Once recognize the fact that our present system of domestic service Is fundamentally wrong , wholly opposed to the spirit and law of de velopment of our clvilltation ; that Its founda tion is a system of serfdom which of necessity crumbles in thenirof liberty and opportunity , anil wo shall begin to pcicjlvo from what di rection relief must come , and learn how to lay enduring foundations for tuo structure of that most precious of human institutions , the homo. How then can it bo that the future of housekeeping in tbo American homo presents any encouraging aspect ? Its improvement and Until perfection arocoiiilngabout thiough the progress of the organization of domestic industry , and through radical changes in the methods and appliances of household work. In cities and villages the kitchen and cooking- stove and hired girl nro nil to bo banished from tlio home. In order to uppracinto what has already been done in. this direction , malic a note of the numerous domestic indus tries already transferred from the homo to tlio organi/ed institution outside of the homo. Clothes-making , soup-making , starch-making , laundry work , coffee-brown ing , yeiist-maklng , butter-making till tire gone. Send after them or rather say that organized industry is already taking along with these the rcmatninir work of cooking and cleaning. This sUite of tilings Is coming ns sure ns fate ; nnd when it comes the deU\ > crancowlllbo so great that generations yet unborn shnll rise up to bless the workings of this beneficent law. Of course an outcry will nt first be wised by these who have not sufllciently considered the subject ngnlnst food cooltcd in quantity , mid nbout the impossibility of convoying cooked food in prime condition into oui houses. These , however , who have knowl edge of what can bo accomplished with proper appliances for delicate and scientific cookery on a largo scale , will not doubt that the best food , prepared from the best mate rials in the best possible manner , can bo set on tlio tables of all who live in cities , or oven In villages of largo size , at a very ; rensoiiablo price nnd In a most inviting form , when once capital and science combine their forces , as thov will , to bring about the desired end. The city of the future will not build houses in squares , t-lving to every house an individual prison and prismi-llko back yard. It will rather build them all around an open square , and the part now disfigured with the kitchen will bo given over for a hou choli : sitting-room or nursery , opening Into a great green space , where children will play ir safety , and through which the free nir ol heaven will blow into tbo houses surrounding it. In every square will bo found a scientifi cally constructed building containing a laun dry "and u great kitchen , Mtpplicd with every modern appliance for skilled and scientific cookerv , mid nlso for sending Into every din ing room any desired quantity or variety of food. The Individuality of the homo and the homo table will bo preserved , and the kitchen smells and waste and "hired girl" will all bo banished. O , how freely would thousands of house-mothers breathe under such nil ur iiingcmont of things , and in how many thou sands of families of moderate means wouk ! such an arrangement do away with the ne cessity of any servant whatever 1 How woult expenses bo lessoned , care abolished am pence and quiet and security reign , where before - fore was anxiety und disorder , and constant upheaval of the foundations of family life Such an arrangement of domestic work would not interfere with certain convenient arrangements for varying the home table will special viands prepared at homo. In these days of ornamental itsfrlgorators. gas stoves and Ingenious nnd tasteful cooking utensils , many articles of food could bo prouared bj thu homo-mistress without the concomitants of Idtcticn debris. Coffee , tcuuhocolatcouio- lots , boiled eggs , oven walllcs nnd mulllns nnd biscuits from the llttlo tin oven of the gas stove , could bo mudo and baked nnd added to the bill of lure without soiling the bunds or the dress of the daintiest homo-mistress. The gns steve will supply the needed hoi water for domestic uses , nlso the means o : preparing food for small children or the sick. It will cnablo the house-mother at any tlmo to prcimra n cup of tea or chocalato or beef ten or broth , and make her , to thai/ ex tent , independent of oven the scientific kitchen. Under this arrangement of things the fondness of women for having the homo free from any foreign clement of servants will cause many to perform the remain der of their household work themselves If any ono is not equal to this organized labor will send a competent person into the house every morning to sweep , dust and put U order. Under such arrangement also , If hoi ] in the care of our children or the lighter parts of household work were needed , wo coult probably secure a suiwrior class of girls for assistants. Thousands who are now In shops and other organized industries would really prefer work in homes , If only Iho heavy grimy , malodorous , clothes-destroying worl of cooking und laundering wcro not rcqulei and expected of them , and they could have specified hours of labor , as would then bo possible. This , then. Is the certain form of the house keeping of tlio future in cities nud villages It will not be done co-operatively ; It will bo done by capital nnd organization , because capital will find It profitable. IJ. will bo adopted by all who need to live economically and desiru to live well. It will not preclude the lartro establishments of the wealthy , who cnn afford to keep a corps of trained servants and who wish to have their cooking done ii their houses. It will dlbburdcn the hoinoo the incubus of expense and care imcpanibl from the iirese..i system of th individual kitchen and the Irre sponsible servant. It will onnbl the youthful lovers to marry on moderate in comes and set up at once a lumpy homo o their own , oven though the young wife has not had an opportunity to learn , and consequently quently does tiot know how to doall kinds o klthen work , " Blio will probably never neei tolearu ull tlio dowwUi acts her enow , Just ns she does not now need to know low to spin or weave or knit. Freed from the ormcrly harassing cares of kitchen and socv- nt , the house-keeper of the future will bo bla to become the Ideal homo-keeper ; to flvo proper care to her children and herself , vlthout abandoning all the Intellectual pur- ults and social pleasures of her youth. Ahallstonothat fell during n stor.n in St. . .outs nntl was measured at the signal scrvlco tatlon there , Is said to have been nine Inches n circumference , A llttlo chicken which , though healthy nnd lourlshmg , will always hive to bo fed by luman hands , attracts attention Iu North 'Inlnflold. N. J. The upper half of its bill Is rolled b.i3k In a tight bill boUvJOu the cyos. fho lower 1ml f is natural and perfect. A curiosity in the shape of n potato of last year's growth , bursting from the Inner center > f which tire perfectly formed potatoes of .his spring's growth , ono of the youngsters > ulng about as largo us n walnut , was found by a Crawford county farmer. Both old and voung potatoes are In n solid and perfect con- lltion otherwise. A Finland paper mentions n curious stone n the northern part of thnt country which serves the people Instead of u barometer. This stone , which they call "ilmnkiur , " turns ilack or blackish-gray when foul weather is ipproiichlng ; line weather has the effect of turning It almost white. At 1'lorro , S. D. , the other evening clouds began to gather , nnd In ten minutes rain began to pour , accompanied by strong wind , .lust about the time the rain ceased small snakes from twelve to sixteen inches long fell to the giound in various places , The.o were coiled , nnd when they struck the gruund seemed to bo somewhat stunned , The snakes had a bluish color. A fish of most peculiar appearance , the like of which has never been seen by nny of the many fishermen who have inspected it , was recently exhibited at Pensncola , Fla. It was caught in the gulf with hook and line , nnd Is nbout live feet in length , The body is similar to that of u dolphin , and it has a bill like a needle fish. The tall is forked , and has two Immense fins rising from the back. They are of a soft , 'bony substance nnd are of sueli peculiar formation that they give the fish the uppearance of having n ( lowing iniuiu. It Is a rnro fish , nnd , if possible , should bo preserved as n curiosity. A Btrnngo freak in the fruit-growing line Is attracting the attention of farmers nt Dover , Del. Wlillo nil through Kent county , oven in the best kept and most skillfully cul tivated orcliardshnrdly npoucli can bo found , down on the bay shnreno.ir , Woodland beach , stands a peach orchard , the trees of which are loaded down with finely developed fruit. The most singular thing about this , in the estimation of fruit growers , is that whtlo even in the best sheltered orchards , these en tirely surrounded by woods , all the fruit was destroyed by tlio March storms , the fruit of this particular orchard , unsheltered nnd In every way exposed , bus lived and thrived. For many years swarms of bees have been noticed at Fox Uluff , near Franklin , Ky. The bluff is UO feet high. Bees have been observed about a big fissure near the center of the bluff , nnd the opening could not bo reached without great danger of being stung to death. As the bees h'ld never been robbed It wns believed a largo amount of honey was stotcd In the cliff. A well-boror visited the clilt nnd , after some coaxii.j , ' , persuaded some farmers to undergo the expense , and a hole was bored from the top of the bluff , At a depth of eighty-live feet the drill struck the honey. Barrels by the score were filled and the syndicate has sent for moro receptacles. CO.V.1 VHIM.ITIKS. Marriage is never a failure ; but every wrddiiigls not a marriage. When a man marries ho fully Intends to bo No. I in the family , but often the period drops out. out.The The man who marries a millionaire's daughter does not have to wait fifty yeaiy for a golden wedding , Whenever you Und a man who Is n failure , you will also llnd a patient llttlo woman who makes his excuses to the world. An extract from a pirlsh magazine In Eng land ro.uls thus : "Unmarried workers nro requested not to mirry for some Httlo time , as wo cannot afford to lose their services , as wo have lost many lately. " An oxclmngo says that "a model wife is ouo who thinks her husband knows moro than her kin. " This may bo true. But to como up to the requirements would put an awful strain on the wives of soms husbands. First Bohemian Poor Roundabout did not live long after his marriage , did he } Second Bohemian No , poor old boy. You see , marriage entirely changed his mode of living Ho fell into regular habits , and It killed him A young lady of Blnghiunton , N. Y. , who is said to bo worth not less than * 50,000 in prospective , was the object of the attention of a young man with whom , she was very favorably impressed , but who , with every encouragement , continued.to to pause just short of a proposal. The young lady managed to put in circulation what appeared to ba a re liable report that her pecuniary expectations wore simply In the publlo mind , nnd in two days the young fellow had proposed and been accepted. Two yount ? people in In dlann wanted to marry , but the girl's people opposed the match nnd the lovers threatened to elope. Fearing that they would carry out then- threat , the girl was locked in her room by her mother and her dresses were taken from her so that she could not go out. The couple tel egraphed kisses to each other for u few days and finally agreed to make a bold broak. Ho flannel shirt skirt and lad pot a , , safety-pin der. The ladder was placed against the win dow whoa the folks wore abed und the couple took the early morning train for Indianapolis where they were married , W. S * Davidson , a traveling min who lives in Indianapolis , was married nt Terra Ilauto the other u.iy in a rather romantic manner. Stopping nt thosamo hotel was Airs , Blanche Frost , who travels for a St. Louis drug houRfi She and Davidson had mot u few montns ago nnd had bech corresponding with each other , As they were walking along the street together Davidson said ho was willing to marry her. She said she , too , was willing. At this point In their courtship they board ed a street car and attended a picnic tit Col- lett park. During the day the subject of marriage was not referred to , but thnt even ing an incident occurred which propelled them both into the matrimonial current. In stead of getting oft tit tlio hotel on their way back from the park , they remained on the street car until opposite the court house. Hero they got off , nud going In , Davidson dnrod Mrs. Frost to marry him , The "daro" was accepted , nnd in a very few minutes they had procured a license and were made man nnd wife by Justice Felsenthal. The britlo , a handsome woman , wns born In Charleston , 111. , nnd is twcnty-nlno years old. Br. Birnoy cures catarrh. Bco bklg. Tlio U inil on tlio UIIVcl Tower. Wind observations on the Etllol tower Bhow that at low velocities of fifteen miles per hour or less the velocity of the wind at the top of tlio tower is from four to flvo tlinos iis ijreat us at the top of tin ordinary building slxty-nlno foot hifjh , hut us tlio velocity increases this dilToroneo dccronsen , until ut liijjh vo- looittos the dilToroneo Is only two to ouo , Bays the Engineering News. M. KllTel assumed tlio pressures to bo forly-ouo pounds ut the buso , increasing to eighty- two pounds per square foot nt the top , which seems to bo rather less dilTeronco than the facts called for , although 11 fair approximation , if tlio above stated de crease of ratio continues up to maximum wind velocities. California Kvourslons. Pullman tourist bleeping car excur sions to California and Pad lie coast pointH leave Chicago every Thursday , Kansas City every Friday via the Santa Fo route. Ticket ruto from Chicago S-lT.o'O , from Sioux City , Omaha , Llncon or Kans-as City $83 , sleeping car rate from Chicago $4 per double/ berth , from Kunsiis City $3 per double berth. Everything furnished except meals. These excursions are perbonally conducted by experienced excursion managers who accompany parties to destination , For excursion folder con- talning.full particulars and man folder and tlmo table of the Santa Fo route and reserving of sleeping car berths , address S. M. Ougoou , general tigont , E. L. Palmer , traveling agent , A. T. ft S. P. railroad. 1308 Furnum street , Omaha , COOL SIPS FOR HOT WEATHER Refreshments for Tired Brains Tarnished by the Funny Men. A FUNERAL AFFAIR ON FIRST BASE , Steered Clcnr of thu An el Cnko Speakers Who Imck Terminal FacllltlcH Dtivlil Wouldn't ho Hasty A I'urtlilnu Thrust , Smith , Grny ft , Co.'s Monthly : Daughter Futhor , 1 bcllovc , I xviw bom to uiirry n noblctnnn. Father- Yes ; but. daughter , try to look on the bright sUlo of lite perhaps jou'll illo. AVnv. Smith , Gray & Co.'s ' Monthly : "Oltl" Bliiite , who attributes his success in life to bis abstemious hublts , never looses an opportunity to lecture the boys nt the club on tomperai'ico. Seeing Charlie Highflyer look ing rather "rocky" the other morning , ho oiicned on him with : "Young man. do you Itiioiv thu quickest way to set nhead In this worhll" "Yes , sir , " said Charles ; "tho quickest way to got n hciul is to mix your drinks , b' Jovul" _ Same Oltl Story. Dry Goods Chronicle : nooldicciier Ex cuse me , sir , but my nephew died three days npo. Employer ( who Is somewhat famlll.irvlth the llttlo Binno ) All right , Mr. Culpop | r , you inny nttcml thu funeral , Died , as usual , on llrst huso , I suppose I W us Glad She Told Illin. Boston Ilerahl : "Willliiin , " said Mrs. nixby from the head of the atairs to her hus band , who linil couio homo ut an early hour in the morning , "there is some tinsel cnko in the pantry , a new kind that I miulo today. I put It wheit ) you can cosily get It. " "All riBht , dear , " rwiwiulcil Mr. Bixby. "How considerate of you I might h.ivo eaten some of it without thinking. " And the grateful husband inado a lunch on cold corned beef. _ > < > t "Wanted. Detroit Free I'ress : "Want nny help ? " ho inlcod of the grocer. ' Wcll.I dunuo. How many tomntoes can you put into n quart measurol" "I can put live , out always make four do. " "I guess I don't ' need you. Three is our limit Jiero. " Something llnilicnlly Wroiin- Chicago Tribune : The inspector looked at the tras meter in astonishment. "Why , it tleesn't indlcuU ) tiny consumption of pas whatever for the last month 1" "It oughtn't to , " replied the owner of the building. "Tho gas wasn't ' lighted at all dur ing the month. " "There Is something wrong with the meter , " said the inspector with n hard , deci sive , metullo ring in his voice. A Common Failing. Washington Post : There is a congressman who Is noted at his homo for sustained effort , as well us ability , in oratory. "I consider him iblo " said a very man , a mil way otllcial in speaking to him. "But there Is one thing that hi ! speeches scorn to lack , " ' " \Vhati11 "Proper terminal facilities. " Another Boy Caught. New York Her.dil : "George , dear , arc you n mcinhor of the union } " asked Ilortcnso , as they sat side by side upon the long suflering sofa. fieorgo was a plumber , nnd consequently could not tell n lie. "No , ilar.ing , 1 am not , " ho said. "AVell , you ought to make application for membership at once , " said Hortenso , with a meiinlnt ; look. And George took the hint , and now Hortenso goes around wearing only one glove , the better to display the beauty of tuo stone. _ . Xothliig Hasty About DavUl. Boston Courier : Two old Scotchmen who were born ind brought up in the same town In Scotland and have been living- together in the same Vermont town for the last forty 3'purs. Not long ago one of thorn said to the other : "Wool , Davlu , we've been friends this mony a year , yo ken. " "Wool,11 David replied cautiously , "I'm ' no siiyin' it may na como to that , mon , when wo are wool acquaint , hut yo ken It takes long for two bodies to ken ano anlthcr to that de gree that It's safe to bo friends. " An Object Jji'SHoii In Geography. Smith , Gray A Co.'t JfciitWj/ / . As wo strolled along the beach When the lisping tide was low ; Thus my lady's silvery speech "Mr. Freshly , do you know "You'ro nn oasis to mol" ( Hero I blushed behind my hand ) ; "You're the preen spot. " murmured she , "In this arid waste of sand. " A Parthlaa Thrust. Dry Goods Chronicle ; Mrs. Jones ( a trifle fadeil , but extremely modish ) Have you seen the latest fashionable wrinkle , my dear Mrs Drown I Sirs. Brown ( whoso husband namircs Mrs. I. ) So they've become fashlouablchavo thoyj ( ultli malicious emphasis ) . Then how very ultra you must bo , my dear Mrs. Jones I Uiinotlc d. Chillier and Furnisher. .Y . warrior bold from the Congo State , And a maiden from Zanzibar , Eloped one night when the hour was late And sailed o'er the ocean far. They sailed and sailed , for the wind -was fair , And gave not n thought for the clothe ? they'd wear. They saileu and sailed and landed one d.vy On the beach near some big hotels , And the Zanzibar girl met the bathers gay , And swam with the fair-haired belles. And they marveled much at her color and poao , But nonoof them saw that she had no clothes. Too Expensive at I'rcsotit. Detroit Free Press : A man with a bundle under his arm stopped at a fruit stand on Congress street , with the evident Intention of making a purchase , but before ho had said anything a person standing near beckoned to him and asked : "Wcro you going to buy a banatml" "Yes , sir. " "Going to oat It on the street ) " "Very likely. " "Going to drop the skin on the sidewalk ! " "No , sir , I've got seven children at home , nud I can't afford any such extravagance , " A Tnlo of the I'orlnd. San Tranclsco Examiner : A pertinacious canvasser who had often attempted to induce a busy merchant to subscribe for a now work by Etnlii Pasha called for the seventeenth \line and found no ono on the premises but a. fLcotlous factotum. "Will you kindly nsk your employer to drop mo u line , " Bald the eauvasscr to the fa cetious factotum , "in case ho wishes to sub- bcribefor this \vorkj" "If you will take n suggestion of mine , " re plied the facetious factotum , "you had better urop him nllno an-1 you may save his life : 1 know ho Is over-bored. " Considering It Ksthcticnlly. New York Tribune : Mrs. Van do Jencky- nes "To what colleco Ciayousend yoursous , Mrs. Van do Smythcl" ' Mrs , Vun do Smytho "Sidney Is nt Har vard and Algernon is at "Yalo. " Mrs. Van do JenrkyncsVuy didn't they both go to the same iilticol'l Mrs. Van do Smytho "O , you know Sidney - noy is dark , and crimson harmonizes with his complexion much bettor than blue does. Algio has light hair und n fair complexion , BO Yale's color suits him exactly. Just imagine how ho would look playing tennis In u crimson blazer ! " The Noble Art of Helf-DcftMiHO. Homo Companion : "Do you think it would ho wrontf for mo to learn the nobloart of self- defense ! " a religiously inclined youth in quired of his pistor. "Certainly not , " answered the minister ; I learned it In my youth myself , and I have- found it o ( great value during my life. " "Indeed , sir. Did you learn the old English system or the Sullivan system ! " "Neither ; I learned Solomon's systoin. " "Solomon's system ! " "You will Jiud It laid dowu iu tlio. flrst vprsoof the fifteenth chapter of 1'roverbs : 'A soft nnswor turncth away wrath. ' It is the best system of self-defense of which I know. " HP AVnntPil the Heat. Plttsburg Dlsiutoh ! Speaking of thellln. dee deity i-etnlniU ino of a story n friend of ml no told mo the the other day nbout his llttlo hoy. nndwhich is entirely true. The llttlo fellow Is very slow dressing Iu the morning , and to euro him of this habit his parents told him ttiat the next time ho fulled to bo ready as soon as the others ho would have to BO without his breakfast. IWnj ? tnrdy npaln , when ho caino to the table ha was Informed that ho must either cat brand and water or do without e.iting ntall. The boy sat silent nnd woultl not eat. The father , not wishing him logo altogether without food. Bald ! "You might bo situated so you would be glad to have bread and water. Supuoso you wore away out on the ocean and the nngoli should fetch you bread and wnter und tell you that you must eat that or nothing , what would you do I" " 1 wouldn't netvor , " was the answer. "I'd just want what Oed had for breakfast.1' A Disappointed Policeman. New York Tribune : "AVoll , Hint's ' the woorst I Ivor saw , " said Policeman Double X , as he stood mournfully twirling his club on a corner on Harlem street at o clock ono chilly morning last week. "Wlint'n the matter , odlcerl" asked n sym pathizing and curious newspaper man. "Matter enough , Yo see , there's n newman man at thu saloon at the corner beynnt , and notltnowm' him well I to't I'd hit liinmusy- llko for the furst tolmo. So I dropped in nt the family cntraiiccand sez I to him , friendly- like , yo know : 'Could you give me a drink av wither ! ' sez I , winldn' mildly betimes. 'Avcoorsol will,1 sez he , hniuUti1 me u glass troiiKh the growler holo. An' plmt do you link ! It wuz a glass of water. Bcgorra , phwat some men don't know would blasht a rock. " A Iicnrnuil I'lay on AVorilH. Drake's Magazine : ClassucusViusn't ' it a strange habit the undents had of calling dis agreeable things by pleasant names ) Modcrnus The Trench and Spaniards had it also. The one called the tfiiillotlno the Maiden and the other nn instrument for tor ture and execution the Virgin , Classicus Then , seeing \vo have so ninny precedents wo are doubly bound to call our instrument for executing by electricity the Lover. Jlodornus Why doubly bound ! Clusslcus Uccuuso it spaiks its victims to death. TIic Di'imim ! and tlio Saint. S.m Francisco Examiner : A Chicago drummer , after a life of usefulnesspresented himself at the gate of IMrndlso , ana greeting St. Peter with 11 cheerful smllo attempted to pass in. "Hold on , there , " remarked the saint , po litely but llrmly , "whut are you nnd where do you como from ! " ' I am a peripatetic salesman , " replied tlio drummer , "and when on earth I lived in Chicago. " "Chicago ? Chicago ! " answered the saint "Novor heard of the plnco. Excuse mo ono moment until I verify your assertions. " Having dispatched a small angel for nn atlas , the saint located the would-be metro polis and then turned to the drummer. "You " he remarked "and niHypassIn , , you will excuse my ignorance when I inform jou that you are the first applicant to present himself from that place. " This fable teaches us how some cities are likely to bo represented in that bourne from which no census returns. The closing exercises of Miami university , Oxford , O. , were held in the open air this year. At the thirty-eighth annual commencement of the College of the City of New Yoik tv largo class was graduated and many pikes awarded. It is proposed to found chairs in Naples and other Italian universities in seaport towns for the purpose of giving special in struction to medical men who take charge of ships. Annie P. Reynolds , the first woman dentist to graduate m Massachusetts , received her degree of D.D.S. from the Boston dental college this year. She also received the first prize for senior honors. Clark university , "Worcester , Mass. , has es tablished a department of education and placed at the head of It Dr. W. II. Burnliam , u Harvard graduate , who spent three ycni * of post graduate study at the Johns Hopkins university. Tno university hud no commence ment this year. Amhcrst agricultural college sent out twenty graduates. Governor Brackott pre sented the diplomas. Alluding to the fact that the collepo luu 400 alumni Governor Brackctt said ho would rather be among that number than ono of New York's 400 , "who toll not , neither do they spin. " At the twenty-second annual commence ment of Cornell university , Ithaca , N , Y. , over two hundred and fifty persons wuro graduated , including those taking the first and second degree , the largest number ever graduated in the history of Cornell , Of the nine seniors who took pait in the commrnco- ment exorcises one was a Sago college girl. The attendance at Cornell college , Mount Vornon. In. , during the last year was the largest in the history of this Institution , tig- L'rogatinertMU : students in all. . The aim now is to reach the 1,000 point , and nt the present rate of increase it will ho reached in a few years. The college trustees have decided to etdargo the endowment by an addition of ilOO.OOO. The annual report of Brooklyn's superin tendent of puhllo instruction shows eighty- three schools , with l,75."i teachers , under care of the board of education , in whicli , within the year , were taught 110,722 different pupils. The average daily attendance was 73blW , nn Increase over the previous year of nearly 5,000 , There were 1,4150 graduates from the grammar schools. The year's expenses were ai7S,231. : , Superintendent Edwards of Illinois docs not believe Unit its compulsory school law works badly. Perhaps in order to suvo It lie would consent to slight amendments here and there , but In Chicago in a single season , with no flourish of trumpets , the truant ofticcrs liuvo placed in school 8Ml ! scholars , at an ex pense of only ? fllll ! , or a llttlo more than $1 each. This was done in a quiet , persuasive manner without invoking the aid of the law in a single instance.'o 'o MHIOI'S. Just it Llttlo Mower The New Year , For a Dude-All's ' well that ends "swell. " Children are poor men's riches their little Inno-cents. . A snusairo machine usually succeeds In "making ends meat , " The frigid young ludy exerts herself to prove that she is nn ice girl. The llrst question a lawyer asks about n case Is whether it la fces-ible. Wo do not believe in giving nwholoword to the Ys. Ono letter Is enough , The labor news Is usually the most striking portion of a newspaper's contents , "This Is my n lent out , " said the gentleman who quit loser on the poker game , In New York Gilbert & Sullivan's ' new opera is pronounced "Tho Gone-dollars. " A greedy Yankco lias n crick In his neck , and yet ho is not natislled with the water sup ply."I'm "I'm not In it , " was the proud remark of the lemonwith n scornful glancoat the circus lemonade. "I'm so glad that odious MissNurlch is In the soup. " "Yos , it's a consoinmo-tlon de voutly to bo wished. When Greek meets Greek the Harvard graduate listens patiently nnd wonders what the dickens they are saying , Doss I've lost my time-book , P.it , and I'll ' have to depend on your honesty ai to how many days you've put In thU month , Pat- Well , hogor. lot mo HCO ; I think It do bo thirty-two , hlr. Lawyer If anybody nsks for mo this afternoon toll them I nm called away on most urgent business. Ofllco Boy Yes. sir. Stranger ( half an hour later ) Is Air. Quill in ! Ottlco Hey No , sir ; bo's been called away to the baseball guino on most urgent business. Reporter Colonel , will you bo kind enough to give mo your views on the political situa tion ? Ex-rolltlclnn You will have to excuse cuso we , my young friend. I nm now en tirely out of politics. You may toll your readers that I am giving my whole tlma and energy to the practice of the law. Unportoi ( shutting his notebook ) Can't ' do that Colonel , for less than a dollar a lino. Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh. Dee Great Summer Barjain Sale -tlY- MAX MEYEE & BRO. , Jewelers and Silversmiths , SIXTEENTH AND FABN.AM STREETS , - - OMA.HA , UBB tains in Bargains \Vatclics , Nickel WHtchos front J..Vl ' upwiinti Diamonds. Kllvtr wntclip * from Jluixrir.l . * . . l.rullrV Kolj lYHtclu1" ( rum Ulupwjnt" ( lotitlcnion'iKoUirntdivn from J3 i [ ilnmoml rlim from f2 Wupwimts. in Bargains Jcwclcry , Ulniuviul i-ollnr tuitions IrouiH ii | > wnrits , lltnmimd ccarf plm fromf3 npirnrili. VVocnrr ; n fullllno of Jcni'lorf Incliitllim lilntmiml cnlttjuttnns from M mxrords. bntliMilliUiiUI unit line rollml itoto tlntc * , IHnmvml ntiii1 from 7.Wiiiivnnt pin * , canine * , lockcli" , chnlni , brncolot * , lilnmoml luce plr.Mroin 110ipimrrt' . iiouktacp , rurf nncl collar luiltom. otc Ar- lilnnumil fnt tln ! ( roM' ] . ' ujinimli. tlclcn net Hilly rrortll ( two poll nt Vkt ID T.'H % liliiiuonil InaroN'H frotiiftA niwnnl | . mul nil otluT K < > i l * xtoroldiit tlittnuit proportion - lllnuuinil iH'mlimtl from ( . ' . " > uimnnK portion , H'o our elionr nlmlUMl bc our iiiiiiiivim iivti men fromIX ) upwnrdi : iriialn I'niua. Watches , Clocks and Jewelry Repaired at Reasonable Prices , Greatly Reduced Prices en Silverware , Clocks , Lamps , Umbrellas , Optical Goods , Etc. The Omaha Medical and Surgical Institute For the treatment of allCIinONlG AND BUndtOAl DISBASKS Hums , Appllimco * for Plformltti > , inS Truuei. B it Incllltlci , App.irntmnnl Uomcdlei for luocovful trimtmmt ofovorr former dlsrnxr- qulrlnKSIcitlo.ilcrSutslonlTrontraciit. NINBTV HOOMH KOH I'ATIISN'IS. llonnl ml ntlomlnuco. Boil ( Btrlctlr 1'rlrnttl. Onlf UollnbloMuillcal Inslltiilomnklnitri speclultrof I'lllV/'l'lC IIISKAXKD. M Dlood l iienst'iiucccMfiilljr tronlcil. fyphlllllo pul < on rlniOTnl fnmi tin nyncm nlllintitmcreurr. NcnlloitorHtlTeTreitmtMitfur IXIIH of VItnl rower. fMrtlca nnntilc to vlnlt us tuny be trrnlocl rl hnimlij corrnpondcuco. All communlcntlonn coiillilcnllnl. McOlctnc or Innlnanenti ifnt by m Ml or eiiueni lo cur ] y packer ] , no tnnrkn to Indlcnte content . . . . or . ncnilcr. ( . . . . Ono inrsonal Intrrvlr-Tvprofomil. dill nnd ennitill n or en lhl torr of yo'tr ca o. unil wotlll send lniil liirapprr unrtlOOK TOM UN t'UICE. Ml pan 1'rltnta BpMlttorKcrvOiiB Ulnonso , iupultiC7 : , Syphilis , ( liuot nail Vmkocilc , nrltli qumtlon Hit. Inn Omaha Medical and Surgical Institute , Corner 9th and HarncySts. , Omahn , TMeb. Set of Teeth on Rubber FOR FIVE DOLLARS. Dr. R. W. Bailey Dentist , , Paxton Bloclc , 16th and Farnarn Streets. Wp Are T-TprP Sfnv Our offices have recently been en- VV rxiC 1XC1C rn . Olciy. lapged and more fully equipped with all the latest facilities for dental work. We moke a full upper . orlo\ver set of tcetnon rubber- for five dollars , guaranteed , to be as well made as plates sent out of any dental office in this country. Do not be prejudlcsd by what others may say against us. but come and see us and examine our work ; It will oil bear Inspection. Teeth extracted -without pain or danger , and without the use of chloroform , gas , either or electricity. Goldand silverfillingsnt low est rates , gold and porcelain-faced crown , teeth without plates , etc , All work warranted. DR. IB-AH-iETy , Dentist , Paxton Block , 10th nndFarnain. OppnoveiiliiKsiintllfi o'clooU. Tuku uluvtitoruii ICth Htrcctlo tlilnl Moor. Mention this CO3MIPAN\r. THE HOUSEKEEPER'S FRIEND ARE TOU BUILDING ? If so cnll and examine our fine line of art goods , comprising Locks. Knobs , Escutcheons and Hinges , in nil finishes and designs , . HIMEBAUGH & TAYLOR , 1405 Douglas St. , Omaha , DEWEY & STONE , I tirniture Company , A. magnificent display of everything useful nnd ornamental inthfl furniture maker's art at reasonable prices. MWIEPRIR KOIKS Hnvo removed to 1"07 Douglas St. , opposite ) Millfiril Hotel , Stove Repairs for 1500 Different Stoves , Ranges and Furnaces. W liter Attachment Fit ted iiruU'anncctcil. Gasollrio undOm Bums Hcpulicd. Tol. POO. 1I01IT , UI1UG. I'ropilclor , C.M.IIA.TON. Miuuucr. TO WEAK WIEN Buttering from UieonrcUof louthfulrrrora , carlf IrcBT , woelliiK vuskntu , lovlmrtiitiond , tto. , I vlll Kiul t vnluauln trmtlw ( x-Jli-il ) cuntalnlnK full partlculnni for tiomn curr. FIIKI ! of churn" . A IplcnJIil innllcafworkittiouW bntind \ tivnj mnB wlio U IHTTOUH tml < llilllt ( fl. Aailrtu , ! On * bin C. O , II. dlfKtrronl. . Cl lory.lll W.XidlMt 81. . tlie.ru. fj M llOmtd. f.nil li.iu ipl.t n r l > - , lt , - -