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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (July 13, 1890)
THJS OMAHA DAIJLY BJflE , SUNDAY , JULY 13 , 1S90-SIXTEEN PAGES , 11
rill SERVANT CIRl PROBLEM.
Dow Housekeeping Promises to Bo Oon-
ducted in the Future.
THE ADVANTAGES OF ORGANIZATION ,
V Symoin Umler Wliloli Kltelicn
BwcllH , AViiHtiMiml Hired Glrln AVII1
Ilccumc ThliijjH ol' the
The uncertainty/ perplexity , nnd oven real
distress tliat surround the housekeeping and
homo-kccplng of toiluy , nro temporary In
their nature , and are duo nrilnly to the fact
thai wo nro In n transition period , writes Helen
Bkln Kturrutt. The economic luw of the or
ganization of labor Is r.ipldly extending Iti
workings Into every depart mont of the
world's work , and Is at present pirticulurly
Butlvu In the direction of what wo Imvo been
nceiistomcd to regard at the domestic Indus-
trio ? , AH Is mindly the case , the first effects
of the operation of this law are confusion nnd
destruction , whllo the old is bolng
disintegrated and abolished to make way for
thu new. Hut to those whoso experience and
observation of life nro deep enough and broad
enough to ciinblo them to pf-rcclvo that our
present confusion Is only n p.irtof . the general -
oral evolutionary process everywhere nt
work in society , the future of the domestic
arrangements of the home Is full of hope nnd
First , as to servants. However numerous
the causes assigned for the difficulties of
housekeeping , all agree that the principal dif
ficulty Is found In the liicoinpotcnro , Insubor
dination , nnd Irresponsibility of thnt class
whom wo name domestics. Thu very fact
thnt wo denominate thorn by the words
"class" and "servants , " gives iho key to the
fundamental dlfllculty , The man or woman
who expects that In any country whom edu
cation and opportunity nro free to nil , and in
telligent and competent workers will bo con
tent to lemnln In a class , and Unit class a stlg-
inntlzcd one , expects in vain , It is singular
bow widespread , oven among good and intel
ligent people , U the disposition to grow Imllg-
nnnt over n statement of tills Intnl. With
Mushing chocks nml elevated voices they will
declare such a pilnclplo to bo wholly wrong ;
that domestic work In the household Is Justus
honornhla as tiny other kind of work : nnd that
the young woman who mix her own living to
earn , and who IR not willing to earn it by goIng -
Ing Into a good homo and doing the cooking or
laundry work or "second work" for a
good , kind , respectable family , deserves to
starve. They will adduce the fact that the
young man who has his living to e.irn docs
not hesitate at beginning as office boy ( Sweep
ing floors , kindling fires , and performing all
thu menial work pertaining to such a posi
tion. The answer to all this is tlio facts in
the case. No matter who is to blame ; no
matter now much society Is denounced for
making such distinctions ; wo nil know that
t i start a.s office boy affixes no stigma , nor
does it in any way bnr tlio upward progress
of the youth toward the possible ultimate
goal of partnership la the linn ; while the
title or occupation of "servant girl" is a bar
Hlnlstcr which no Intelligence or faithful per
formance of duty can over remove at least
it cannot in the present constitution of so
ciety. People who discuss this singular fact
will assert that it is not in thu nnturo of the
work performed that the difference lies , the
cilice boy's work being Just as menial nnd
dlsngivcnblo as that of the kitchen girl. No
matter where the difference lies and where
nnd why It lies , the writer hopus to show in
this paper the facts nro stubborn dictators
to parents who have sons nnd daughters. The
parent , however rich , who sa > s , "My son
shall , If necessary , begin on the lowest round
of the ladder and lenrn nnd 'work up1 in a
regular business , " Is regarded ns sen
sible nnd Judicious ; the parent , howevorpoor ,
who should say concerning n bright , intelli
gent daughter , "My daughter shall begin her
eurecr in life by preparing herself to bo a
flrstrclnss cook , slnco such a preparation will
always insure her good wages In n good
homo , " would bo set down us a "crank , " if
not something worbo.
But what tire the difficulties with these al
ready engaged in domestic service the great
class of foreigners who haunt our kitchens I
Principally two. First , they do not know
how to perform properly the work now re
quired in our homes ; and , secondly , they , as
a class , cannot or will not bo taught. Their
utter irresponsibility , their general iudiffer-
cnco about retaining their places , the impos
sibility of holding them by any contract and
consequently of enforcing nny rules or disci
pline , the usual entire separation of their in
terests from those of their employers , all com
bine to make thorn a foreign and disintegrat
ing clement in family lifo. It is mere was to of
words to say that if mistress only know
howto Instruct and dlroct household servants
the difficulty would bo overcome. These
among mistresses who have the most difll-
cnlty mid whoso experience is the most dis
couraging , are these who know exactly bow
"X perform nil the operations of household
tvork themselves , and who tire willing to
spend tlmo nnd strength In teaching their
servants how to do these things , If teaching
once or twice or even a dozen times were the
end ot it. But it has passed Into n proverb
among clever mistresses , that Just as they
have succeeded In training n servant to per
form her work in a satisfactory manner , she
cither marries or goes off for higher wages ,
and easier or pcrhups for moro systematized
nnd specialized woik. Her favorite time for
leaving without notice Is Just after she lias
been paid in full till date ; nnd the mistress
who bus in a gcuoious moment thus settled
the wages account , leaving the question of
broken china nnd lirlc-a-brtic for future con
sideration , most frequently finds herself ,
without redressloft to take n new recruit nnii
reconcile herself to thu loss of china as best
It may throw light oven upon this discour
aging aspect , to obscrvo thatthoro uro condi
tions under which these difficulties nro met
nnd overcome oven In domestic service.
These conditions are found wherever domes-
tie labor Is employed on a largo scale , organ
ized and systematized ; and. paradoxical us it
tuny appear , nearly all domestic servants
prefer to work in nn organization , It Is a
well known fact that hotels and Institutions
of nil kinds where the work Is specialized and
systematized , can obtain domestics wltli far
less diniculty and for less wages , nnd can
control them with far moro success than the
private filmlly. This Is only an illustration
of tlio fact Unit uorncstiu servants nro ini
pressed mul influenced by tlio spirit of the
UL'O , which rebels iiRalnst submission to tlio
dictates of the Individual will , but biibmlts
freely to the despotism of tin organization
In u largo part thu Insubordination of domes
tlo serviuils tti-ises from u growing fcclin ? o
_ _ -jf jitiwliilnpH'aH to be illrcctetf nnd governed bj
And lastly , in so far ns the tllfllcultlcs
lie on the slue of domestic servants
the conditions of tlio work nro no
in nci'onlanco with developing liumiu
nnturo , lliminn nnturo loves tovorl
In company. In sympathetic companionship
The domestic borvnnt is n solitary worker
without sucli companionship during her
hours of toll. Wlmturcr liitorosts sholins , lie
/ inn wholly illfTercnt direction ftxiin these o
\ licr omiiloyer. To liurry throiiKh her work
noustoKe.1 off uiul join roiiiimnlons of her
' own class , seems to bo increasingly the mo
tlvo of tlio modern domestic servant ; nnd
licnco tiriso nil tlio diniailtles and nbou
"tliiys out , " nnd ovculnga spout the mistress
knows not wliero. All attempts to enforca
nilea about hours nud times nnd seasons
usually end in an Informal parting bcUvcci
mistress nud maid , the mlstrvss nlmos
always in such an Issue coming out sccoiu
And on the part of the mistresses of the
homes of today , wliuro do the chief dinicultie
Hot First , in the fact that modern social llf
makes HO ninny demands upon cducatot
M omen most of them in the ulrccllou of ro
ll ned social pleasures or ot ussoclatlous fo
intellectual improvement or for hcncllcen
nnd philanthropic work that tlio tlmo ueeos
sary to suixirvlso the kltclicn nnd the Ser
vants of today cannot bo given without ni
utmost cntlro ixilliuniishnient of the plutuuroi
nnd benellts of refined nnd educated socht
IIfo. If the housekeeper of today hnvo llttl
children , her task is already moru than nn ;
but these of the strongest physlnuo cnn en
duro. The caiM nnd nurture nnd tralnlnu' o
llttlo ehlldivn Is nn occupation that should bo
varied only by recreation and unfutiguliig
congenial work , uncomplicated with any can
that is distracting mul distressing. Th
( wtbcst possible ix-inovo from tlieso dcalrubl
condition * Is that of the mother of young
children whoso euro nnd labor for her chil
dren is complicated with tlio cnrc of Incompe
tent nnd xviutoful ftcrvnnU. whoso dally vl -
iti to her kitchen ncntl her buck to her chil
dren dhturboil nnd ill H-pwcd By the sight of
dl ordcr , imcleutillncis , wnstonnd destruction
which she 1 t > owurlc s to remedy cither by
dmls or wordi ; tiecdi being impossible , and
words useless or wane than useless.
Let us not fall to note the fuel that neither
mlstiwes of household * nor domestic sorv-
nits nro to Ultima for the present Inhnrmo-
ilousnesR of the relation of mistrcns and
crvniit. In the prc'scnt condition of homo
Ifo this inhnmioiiy Inliures in the relation
( self. It is n ftivorlto theory with
unerflcliil thinkers nnd observers upon
las subject , that the present dlnicultles
oulil bo Inrgcly remedied if domestic scrvlco
ould bo elevated nnd domestic workori bo
csjiocted nnd tretitrd tis iiieinbei-s of the film-
ly. All such theorlits Ignon ) the fundnmen-
ill diniculty thnt tlio homo is the most exclu
sive institution In the world the happier mul
nero refined , the more exclusive. It cannot
olurntu the permanent familiar Intrusion
ntd Its dully life of iinrono , no nutter how
food nnd respcttiible. llotisholds muy rccog-
il/.e nnd admit the fnct Unit those who per
form household service fur tbum nro Just as
[ oed nnd pcrluips better than their own mom-
) , but that in not the question. Nobody Is
vantcd ns "ouu of the family , " nnd to feel
hut thu housekuopor or domestic helper ex-
icctfl to bu admitted Into the sanctuary of the
'itmily ' sitting-room , or to become n member
if tlio group thnt surrounds the fmnlly tnble ,
s to ronlUu the ctpninl inlmrinony of the
iroposed lelntlon. On the other liiiiul , con-
ilderlng th cpiestlon from the standpoint of
the domestic xen'ant , it Is this very isolation
nnd separation from the llfo of the homo ,
coupled with nbrldgoment of Individual
burly nnd thu lack of associ
ation with others In the perform
ance of toll , thnt cauics the Insepamblo
dlHliki ) to undertaking household service.
This is the answer to the question , so often
iskeil , why American girls will tnko work In
shops and stores nnd manufactories of till
iliids. wliero they will cnduro all manner ot
hardships anil live on the barest pittance of
wages rather than po into comfortable , shel
tered , domestic hervico , Human nature not
onlv yearns for companionship In toll yes ,
mil even In misery but it longs also for nb-
bolutu freedom from dictation find eomnmrd ,
ns nlso for freedom from the yolto of toll , nt
stated periods. It is trim that these who work
in organizations usually work harder and
Imvo their Individual liberty much more
despotic-ally ubrldged during their houw of
labor than the domestic servant ; but thu
work and weariness and discomfort nro
shared by fellow-workers , nnd in this fact
there is a divinely ordained alleviation nnd
consolation , wjiilo the despotism that rules
them ceases absolutely with the close of
working hour. * , nnd then there is libcity.
Not even surveillance or advice after the
gong rings. All these condition ? of organ
ised labor are in accordance with the funda
mental desires of human nature , nnd no theory
of llfo and progress can over obtain which
contravenes them. Emerson , in his "Sover
eignty of Ethics , " says that "tho inevitabili
ties are always sapping the foundations of
every institution built upon n wiong. " Once
recognize the fact that our present system of
domestic service Is fundamentally wrong ,
wholly opposed to the spirit and law of de
velopment of our clvilltation ; that Its founda
tion is a system of serfdom which of necessity
crumbles in thenirof liberty and opportunity ,
anil wo shall begin to pcicjlvo from what di
rection relief must come , and learn how to
lay enduring foundations for tuo structure of
that most precious of human institutions , the
How then can it bo that the future of
housekeeping in tbo American homo presents
any encouraging aspect ? Its improvement
and Until perfection arocoiiilngabout thiough
the progress of the organization of domestic
industry , and through radical changes in the
methods and appliances of household work.
In cities and villages the kitchen and cooking-
stove and hired girl nro nil to bo banished
from tlio home.
In order to uppracinto what has already
been done in. this direction , malic a note
of the numerous domestic indus
tries already transferred from the
homo to tlio organi/ed institution outside of
the homo. Clothes-making , soup-making ,
starch-making , laundry work , coffee-brown
ing , yeiist-maklng , butter-making till tire
gone. Send after them or rather say that
organized industry is already taking along
with these the rcmatninir work of cooking
and cleaning. This sUite of tilings Is coming
ns sure ns fate ; nnd when it comes the deU\ >
crancowlllbo so great that generations yet
unborn shnll rise up to bless the workings of
this beneficent law.
Of course an outcry will nt first be wised
by these who have not sufllciently considered
the subject ngnlnst food cooltcd in quantity ,
mid nbout the impossibility of convoying
cooked food in prime condition into oui
houses. These , however , who have knowl
edge of what can bo accomplished with
proper appliances for delicate and scientific
cookery on a largo scale , will not doubt that
the best food , prepared from the best mate
rials in the best possible manner , can bo set
on tlio tables of all who live in cities , or oven
In villages of largo size , at a very ; rensoiiablo
price nnd In a most inviting form , when once
capital and science combine their forces , as
thov will , to bring about the desired end.
The city of the future will not build
houses in squares , t-lving to every house an
individual prison and prismi-llko back yard.
It will rather build them all around an open
square , and the part now disfigured with the
kitchen will bo given over for a hou choli :
sitting-room or nursery , opening Into a great
green space , where children will play ir
safety , and through which the free nir ol
heaven will blow into tbo houses surrounding
it. In every square will bo found a scientifi
cally constructed building containing a laun
dry "and u great kitchen , Mtpplicd with every
modern appliance for skilled and scientific
cookerv , mid nlso for sending Into every din
ing room any desired quantity or variety of
food. The Individuality of the homo and the
homo table will bo preserved , and the kitchen
smells and waste and "hired girl" will all bo
banished. O , how freely would thousands
of house-mothers breathe under such nil ur
iiingcmont of things , and in how many thou
sands of families of moderate means wouk !
such an arrangement do away with the ne
cessity of any servant whatever 1 How woult
expenses bo lessoned , care abolished am
pence and quiet and security reign , where before -
fore was anxiety und disorder , and constant
upheaval of the foundations of family life
Such an arrangement of domestic work
would not interfere with certain convenient
arrangements for varying the home table will
special viands prepared at homo. In these
days of ornamental itsfrlgorators. gas stoves
and Ingenious nnd tasteful cooking utensils ,
many articles of food could bo prouared bj
thu homo-mistress without the concomitants
of Idtcticn debris. Coffee , tcuuhocolatcouio-
lots , boiled eggs , oven walllcs nnd mulllns nnd
biscuits from the llttlo tin oven of the gas
stove , could bo mudo and baked nnd added to
the bill of lure without soiling the bunds or
the dress of the daintiest homo-mistress.
The gns steve will supply the needed hoi
water for domestic uses , nlso the means o :
preparing food for small children or the
sick. It will cnablo the house-mother at any
tlmo to prcimra n cup of tea or chocalato or
beef ten or broth , and make her , to thai/ ex
tent , independent of oven the scientific
kitchen. Under this arrangement of things
the fondness of women for having the homo
free from any foreign clement of servants
will cause many to perform the remain
der of their household work themselves
If any ono is not equal to this organized labor
will send a competent person into the house
every morning to sweep , dust and put U
order. Under such arrangement also , If hoi ]
in the care of our children or the lighter parts
of household work were needed , wo coult
probably secure a suiwrior class of girls for
assistants. Thousands who are now In shops
and other organized industries would really
prefer work in homes , If only Iho heavy
grimy , malodorous , clothes-destroying worl
of cooking und laundering wcro not rcqulei
and expected of them , and they could have
specified hours of labor , as would then bo
This , then. Is the certain form of the house
keeping of tlio future in cities nud villages
It will not be done co-operatively ; It will bo
done by capital nnd organization , because
capital will find It profitable. IJ. will bo
adopted by all who need to live economically
and desiru to live well. It will not preclude
the lartro establishments of the wealthy , who
cnn afford to keep a corps of trained servants
and who wish to have their cooking done ii
their houses. It will dlbburdcn the hoinoo
the incubus of expense and care imcpanibl
from the iirese..i system of th
individual kitchen and the Irre
sponsible servant. It will onnbl
the youthful lovers to marry on moderate in
comes and set up at once a lumpy homo o
their own , oven though the young wife has
not had an opportunity to learn , and consequently
quently does tiot know how to doall kinds o
klthen work , " Blio will probably never neei
tolearu ull tlio dowwUi acts her
enow , Just ns she does not now need to know
low to spin or weave or knit. Freed from the
ormcrly harassing cares of kitchen and socv-
nt , the house-keeper of the future will bo
bla to become the Ideal homo-keeper ; to
flvo proper care to her children and herself ,
vlthout abandoning all the Intellectual pur-
ults and social pleasures of her youth.
Ahallstonothat fell during n stor.n in St.
. .outs nntl was measured at the signal scrvlco
tatlon there , Is said to have been nine Inches
n circumference ,
A llttlo chicken which , though healthy nnd
lourlshmg , will always hive to bo fed by
luman hands , attracts attention Iu North
'Inlnflold. N. J. The upper half of its bill Is
rolled b.i3k In a tight bill boUvJOu the cyos.
fho lower 1ml f is natural and perfect.
A curiosity in the shape of n potato of last
year's growth , bursting from the Inner center
> f which tire perfectly formed potatoes of
.his spring's growth , ono of the youngsters
> ulng about as largo us n walnut , was found
by a Crawford county farmer. Both old and
voung potatoes are In n solid and perfect con-
A Finland paper mentions n curious stone
n the northern part of thnt country which
serves the people Instead of u barometer.
This stone , which they call "ilmnkiur , " turns
ilack or blackish-gray when foul weather is
ipproiichlng ; line weather has the effect of
turning It almost white.
At 1'lorro , S. D. , the other evening
clouds began to gather , nnd In ten minutes
rain began to pour , accompanied by strong
wind , .lust about the time the rain ceased
small snakes from twelve to sixteen inches
long fell to the giound in various places ,
The.o were coiled , nnd when they struck the
gruund seemed to bo somewhat stunned , The
snakes had a bluish color.
A fish of most peculiar appearance , the
like of which has never been seen by nny of
the many fishermen who have inspected it ,
was recently exhibited at Pensncola , Fla. It
was caught in the gulf with hook and line ,
nnd Is nbout live feet in length , The body is
similar to that of u dolphin , and it has a bill
like a needle fish. The tall is forked , and has
two Immense fins rising from the back. They
are of a soft , 'bony substance nnd are of sueli
peculiar formation that they give the fish the
uppearance of having n ( lowing iniuiu. It Is
a rnro fish , nnd , if possible , should bo
preserved as n curiosity.
A Btrnngo freak in the fruit-growing line
Is attracting the attention of farmers nt
Dover , Del. Wlillo nil through Kent county ,
oven in the best kept and most skillfully cul
tivated orcliardshnrdly npoucli can bo found ,
down on the bay shnreno.ir , Woodland beach ,
stands a peach orchard , the trees of which
are loaded down with finely developed fruit.
The most singular thing about this , in the
estimation of fruit growers , is that whtlo
even in the best sheltered orchards , these en
tirely surrounded by woods , all the fruit
was destroyed by tlio March storms , the
fruit of this particular orchard , unsheltered
nnd In every way exposed , bus lived and
For many years swarms of bees have been
noticed at Fox Uluff , near Franklin , Ky.
The bluff is UO feet high. Bees have been
observed about a big fissure near the center
of the bluff , nnd the opening could not bo
reached without great danger of being stung
to death. As the bees h'ld never been robbed
It wns believed a largo amount of honey was
stotcd In the cliff. A well-boror visited the
clilt nnd , after some coaxii.j , ' , persuaded some
farmers to undergo the expense , and a hole
was bored from the top of the bluff , At a
depth of eighty-live feet the drill struck the
honey. Barrels by the score were filled and
the syndicate has sent for moro receptacles.
Marriage is never a failure ; but every
wrddiiigls not a marriage.
When a man marries ho fully Intends to bo
No. I in the family , but often the period drops
The man who marries a millionaire's
daughter does not have to wait fifty yeaiy for
a golden wedding ,
Whenever you Und a man who Is n failure ,
you will also llnd a patient llttlo woman who
makes his excuses to the world.
An extract from a pirlsh magazine In Eng
land ro.uls thus : "Unmarried workers nro
requested not to mirry for some Httlo time ,
as wo cannot afford to lose their services , as
wo have lost many lately. "
An oxclmngo says that "a model wife is
ouo who thinks her husband knows moro
than her kin. " This may bo true. But to
como up to the requirements would put an
awful strain on the wives of soms husbands.
First Bohemian Poor Roundabout did not
live long after his marriage , did he } Second
Bohemian No , poor old boy. You see ,
marriage entirely changed his mode of living
Ho fell into regular habits , and It killed him
A young lady of Blnghiunton , N. Y. , who
is said to bo worth not less than * 50,000 in
prospective , was the object of the attention
of a young man with whom , she was very
favorably impressed , but who , with every
encouragement , continued.to to pause just short
of a proposal. The young lady managed to
put in circulation what appeared to ba a re
liable report that her pecuniary expectations
wore simply In the publlo mind , nnd in two
days the young fellow had proposed and been
Two yount ? people in In dlann wanted to
marry , but the girl's people opposed the
match nnd the lovers threatened to elope.
Fearing that they would carry out then-
threat , the girl was locked in her room by her
mother and her dresses were taken from her
so that she could not go out. The couple tel
egraphed kisses to each other for u few days
and finally agreed to make a bold broak. Ho
flannel shirt skirt and lad
pot a , , safety-pin
der. The ladder was placed against the win
dow whoa the folks wore abed und the couple
took the early morning train for Indianapolis
where they were married ,
W. S * Davidson , a traveling min who lives
in Indianapolis , was married nt Terra Ilauto
the other u.iy in a rather romantic manner.
Stopping nt thosamo hotel was Airs , Blanche
Frost , who travels for a St. Louis drug
houRfi She and Davidson had mot u few
montns ago nnd had bech corresponding with
each other , As they were walking along the
street together Davidson said ho was willing
to marry her. She said she , too , was willing.
At this point In their courtship they board
ed a street car and attended a picnic tit Col-
lett park. During the day the subject of
marriage was not referred to , but thnt even
ing an incident occurred which propelled
them both into the matrimonial current. In
stead of getting oft tit tlio hotel on their way
back from the park , they remained on the
street car until opposite the court house.
Hero they got off , nud going In , Davidson
dnrod Mrs. Frost to marry him , The "daro"
was accepted , nnd in a very few minutes they
had procured a license and were made man
nnd wife by Justice Felsenthal. The britlo ,
a handsome woman , wns born In Charleston ,
111. , nnd is twcnty-nlno years old.
Br. Birnoy cures catarrh. Bco bklg.
Tlio U inil on tlio UIIVcl Tower.
Wind observations on the Etllol tower
Bhow that at low velocities of fifteen
miles per hour or less the velocity of
the wind at the top of tlio tower is from
four to flvo tlinos iis ijreat us at the top
of tin ordinary building slxty-nlno foot
hifjh , hut us tlio velocity increases this
dilToroneo dccronsen , until ut liijjh vo-
looittos the dilToroneo Is only two to ouo ,
Bays the Engineering News. M. KllTel
assumed tlio pressures to bo forly-ouo
pounds ut the buso , increasing to eighty-
two pounds per square foot nt the top ,
which seems to bo rather less dilTeronco
than the facts called for , although 11 fair
approximation , if tlio above stated de
crease of ratio continues up to maximum
Pullman tourist bleeping car excur
sions to California and Pad lie coast
pointH leave Chicago every Thursday ,
Kansas City every Friday via the Santa
Fo route. Ticket ruto from Chicago
S-lT.o'O , from Sioux City , Omaha ,
Llncon or Kans-as City $83 , sleeping
car rate from Chicago $4 per double/
berth , from Kunsiis City $3 per double
berth. Everything furnished except
meals. These excursions are perbonally
conducted by experienced excursion
managers who accompany parties to
destination , For excursion folder con-
talning.full particulars and man folder
and tlmo table of the Santa Fo route
and reserving of sleeping car berths ,
address S. M. Ougoou , general tigont ,
E. L. Palmer , traveling agent , A. T. ft
S. P. railroad. 1308 Furnum street ,
COOL SIPS FOR HOT WEATHER
Refreshments for Tired Brains Tarnished by
the Funny Men.
A FUNERAL AFFAIR ON FIRST BASE ,
Steered Clcnr of thu An el Cnko
Speakers Who Imck Terminal
FacllltlcH Dtivlil Wouldn't ho
Hasty A I'urtlilnu Thrust ,
Smith , Grny ft , Co.'s Monthly : Daughter
Futhor , 1 bcllovc , I xviw bom to uiirry n
Father- Yes ; but. daughter , try to look on
the bright sUlo of lite perhaps jou'll illo.
Smith , Gray & Co.'s ' Monthly : "Oltl"
Bliiite , who attributes his success in
life to bis abstemious hublts , never looses an
opportunity to lecture the boys nt the club on
tomperai'ico. Seeing Charlie Highflyer look
ing rather "rocky" the other morning , ho
oiicned on him with : "Young man. do you
Itiioiv thu quickest way to set nhead In this
"Yes , sir , " said Charles ; "tho quickest
way to got n hciul is to mix your drinks , b'
Same Oltl Story.
Dry Goods Chronicle : nooldicciier Ex
cuse me , sir , but my nephew died three days
Employer ( who Is somewhat famlll.irvlth
the llttlo Binno ) All right , Mr. Culpop | r ,
you inny nttcml thu funeral , Died , as usual ,
on llrst huso , I suppose I
W us Glad She Told Illin.
Boston Ilerahl : "Willliiin , " said Mrs.
nixby from the head of the atairs to her hus
band , who linil couio homo ut an early hour in
the morning , "there is some tinsel cnko in the
pantry , a new kind that I miulo today. I put
It wheit ) you can cosily get It. "
"All riBht , dear , " rwiwiulcil Mr. Bixby.
"How considerate of you I might h.ivo
eaten some of it without thinking. " And the
grateful husband inado a lunch on cold
> < > t "Wanted.
Detroit Free I'ress : "Want nny help ? " ho
inlcod of the grocer.
' Wcll.I dunuo. How many tomntoes can
you put into n quart measurol"
"I can put live , out always make four do. "
"I guess I don't ' need you. Three is our
limit Jiero. "
Something llnilicnlly Wroiin-
Chicago Tribune : The inspector looked at
the tras meter in astonishment.
"Why , it tleesn't indlcuU ) tiny consumption
of pas whatever for the last month 1"
"It oughtn't to , " replied the owner of the
building. "Tho gas wasn't ' lighted at all dur
ing the month. "
"There Is something wrong with the
meter , " said the inspector with n hard , deci
sive , metullo ring in his voice.
A Common Failing.
Washington Post : There is a congressman
who Is noted at his homo for sustained effort ,
as well us ability , in oratory.
"I consider him iblo " said
a very man , a
mil way otllcial in speaking to him. "But
there Is one thing that hi ! speeches scorn to
lack , " '
"Proper terminal facilities. "
Another Boy Caught.
New York Her.dil : "George , dear , arc you
n mcinhor of the union } " asked Ilortcnso , as
they sat side by side upon the long suflering
fieorgo was a plumber , nnd consequently
could not tell n lie. "No , ilar.ing , 1 am not , "
"AVell , you ought to make application for
membership at once , " said Hortenso , with a
meiinlnt ; look. And George took the hint ,
and now Hortenso goes around wearing only
one glove , the better to display the beauty of
tuo stone. _ .
Xothliig Hasty About DavUl.
Boston Courier : Two old Scotchmen who
were born ind brought up in the same town
In Scotland and have been living- together in
the same Vermont town for the last forty
3'purs. Not long ago one of thorn said to the
other : "Wool , Davlu , we've been friends
this mony a year , yo ken. "
"Wool,11 David replied cautiously , "I'm ' no
siiyin' it may na como to that , mon , when wo
are wool acquaint , hut yo ken It takes long
for two bodies to ken ano anlthcr to that de
gree that It's safe to bo friends. "
An Object Jji'SHoii In Geography.
Smith , Gray A Co.'t JfciitWj/ / .
As wo strolled along the beach
When the lisping tide was low ;
Thus my lady's silvery speech
"Mr. Freshly , do you know
"You'ro nn oasis to mol"
( Hero I blushed behind my hand ) ;
"You're the preen spot. " murmured she ,
"In this arid waste of sand. "
A Parthlaa Thrust.
Dry Goods Chronicle ; Mrs. Jones ( a trifle
fadeil , but extremely modish ) Have you
seen the latest fashionable wrinkle , my dear
Mrs Drown I
Sirs. Brown ( whoso husband namircs Mrs.
I. ) So they've become fashlouablchavo
thoyj ( ultli malicious emphasis ) . Then how
very ultra you must bo , my dear Mrs. Jones I
Chillier and Furnisher.
.Y . warrior bold from the Congo State ,
And a maiden from Zanzibar ,
Eloped one night when the hour was late
And sailed o'er the ocean far.
They sailed and sailed , for the wind -was fair ,
And gave not n thought for the clothe ?
They saileu and sailed and landed one d.vy
On the beach near some big hotels ,
And the Zanzibar girl met the bathers gay ,
And swam with the fair-haired belles.
And they marveled much at her color and
But nonoof them saw that she had no clothes.
Too Expensive at I'rcsotit.
Detroit Free Press : A man with a bundle
under his arm stopped at a fruit stand on
Congress street , with the evident Intention
of making a purchase , but before ho had said
anything a person standing near beckoned to
him and asked :
"Wcro you going to buy a banatml"
"Yes , sir. "
"Going to oat It on the street ) "
"Very likely. "
"Going to drop the skin on the sidewalk ! "
"No , sir , I've got seven children at home ,
nud I can't afford any such extravagance , "
A Tnlo of the I'orlnd.
San Tranclsco Examiner : A pertinacious
canvasser who had often attempted to induce
a busy merchant to subscribe for a now work
by Etnlii Pasha called for the seventeenth
\line and found no ono on the premises but a.
"Will you kindly nsk your employer to
drop mo u line , " Bald the eauvasscr to the fa
cetious factotum , "in case ho wishes to sub-
bcribefor this \vorkj"
"If you will take n suggestion of mine , " re
plied the facetious factotum , "you had better
urop him nllno an-1 you may save his life : 1
know ho Is over-bored. "
Considering It Ksthcticnlly.
New York Tribune : Mrs. Van do Jencky-
nes "To what colleco Ciayousend yoursous ,
Mrs. Van do Smythcl" '
Mrs , Vun do Smytho "Sidney Is nt Har
vard and Algernon is at "Yalo. "
Mrs. Van do JenrkyncsVuy didn't they
both go to the same iilticol'l
Mrs. Van do Smytho "O , you know Sidney -
noy is dark , and crimson harmonizes with his
complexion much bettor than blue does. Algio
has light hair und n fair complexion , BO Yale's
color suits him exactly. Just imagine how
ho would look playing tennis In u crimson
blazer ! "
The Noble Art of Helf-DcftMiHO.
Homo Companion : "Do you think it would
ho wrontf for mo to learn the nobloart of self-
defense ! " a religiously inclined youth in
quired of his pistor.
"Certainly not , " answered the minister ; I
learned it In my youth myself , and I have-
found it o ( great value during my life. "
"Indeed , sir. Did you learn the old English
system or the Sullivan system ! "
"Neither ; I learned Solomon's systoin. "
"Solomon's system ! "
"You will Jiud It laid dowu iu tlio. flrst
vprsoof the fifteenth chapter of 1'roverbs :
'A soft nnswor turncth away wrath. ' It is
the best system of self-defense of which I
HP AVnntPil the Heat.
Plttsburg Dlsiutoh ! Speaking of thellln.
dee deity i-etnlniU ino of a story n friend of
ml no told mo the the other day nbout his
llttlo hoy. nndwhich is entirely true. The
llttlo fellow Is very slow dressing Iu the
morning , and to euro him of this habit his
parents told him ttiat the next time ho fulled
to bo ready as soon as the others ho would
have to BO without his breakfast. IWnj ?
tnrdy npaln , when ho caino to the table ha
was Informed that ho must either cat brand
and water or do without e.iting ntall. The
boy sat silent nnd woultl not eat. The father ,
not wishing him logo altogether without
food. Bald !
"You might bo situated so you would be
glad to have bread and water. Supuoso you
wore away out on the ocean and the nngoli
should fetch you bread and wnter und tell
you that you must eat that or nothing , what
would you do I"
" 1 wouldn't netvor , " was the answer. "I'd
just want what Oed had for breakfast.1'
A Disappointed Policeman.
New York Tribune : "AVoll , Hint's ' the
woorst I Ivor saw , " said Policeman Double
X , as he stood mournfully twirling his club
on a corner on Harlem street at o clock ono
chilly morning last week.
"Wlint'n the matter , odlcerl" asked n sym
pathizing and curious newspaper man.
"Matter enough , Yo see , there's n newman
man at thu saloon at the corner beynnt , and
notltnowm' him well I to't I'd hit liinmusy-
llko for the furst tolmo. So I dropped in nt
the family cntraiiccand sez I to him , friendly-
like , yo know : 'Could you give me a drink
av wither ! ' sez I , winldn' mildly betimes.
'Avcoorsol will,1 sez he , hniuUti1 me u glass
troiiKh the growler holo. An' plmt do you
link ! It wuz a glass of water. Bcgorra ,
phwat some men don't know would blasht a
A Iicnrnuil I'lay on AVorilH.
Drake's Magazine : ClassucusViusn't ' it a
strange habit the undents had of calling dis
agreeable things by pleasant names )
Modcrnus The Trench and Spaniards had
it also. The one called the tfiiillotlno the
Maiden and the other nn instrument for tor
ture and execution the Virgin ,
Classicus Then , seeing \vo have so ninny
precedents wo are doubly bound to call our
instrument for executing by electricity the
Jlodornus Why doubly bound !
Clusslcus Uccuuso it spaiks its victims to
TIic Di'imim ! and tlio Saint.
S.m Francisco Examiner : A Chicago
drummer , after a life of usefulnesspresented
himself at the gate of IMrndlso , ana greeting
St. Peter with 11 cheerful smllo attempted to
"Hold on , there , " remarked the saint , po
litely but llrmly , "whut are you nnd where
do you como from ! "
' I am a peripatetic salesman , " replied tlio
drummer , "and when on earth I lived in
"Chicago ? Chicago ! " answered the saint
"Novor heard of the plnco. Excuse mo ono
moment until I verify your assertions. "
Having dispatched a small angel for nn
atlas , the saint located the would-be metro
polis and then turned to the drummer.
"You " he remarked "and
niHypassIn , , you
will excuse my ignorance when I inform jou
that you are the first applicant to present
himself from that place. "
This fable teaches us how some cities are
likely to bo represented in that bourne from
which no census returns.
The closing exercises of Miami university ,
Oxford , O. , were held in the open air this
At the thirty-eighth annual commencement
of the College of the City of New Yoik tv
largo class was graduated and many pikes
It is proposed to found chairs in Naples
and other Italian universities in seaport
towns for the purpose of giving special in
struction to medical men who take charge of
Annie P. Reynolds , the first woman dentist
to graduate m Massachusetts , received her
degree of D.D.S. from the Boston dental
college this year. She also received the first
prize for senior honors.
Clark university , "Worcester , Mass. , has es
tablished a department of education and
placed at the head of It Dr. W. II. Burnliam ,
u Harvard graduate , who spent three ycni * of
post graduate study at the Johns Hopkins
university. Tno university hud no commence
ment this year.
Amhcrst agricultural college sent out
twenty graduates. Governor Brackott pre
sented the diplomas. Alluding to the fact
that the collepo luu 400 alumni Governor
Brackctt said ho would rather be among that
number than ono of New York's 400 , "who
toll not , neither do they spin. "
At the twenty-second annual commence
ment of Cornell university , Ithaca , N , Y. ,
over two hundred and fifty persons wuro
graduated , including those taking the first
and second degree , the largest number ever
graduated in the history of Cornell , Of the
nine seniors who took pait in the commrnco-
ment exorcises one was a Sago college girl.
The attendance at Cornell college , Mount
Vornon. In. , during the last year was the
largest in the history of this Institution , tig-
L'rogatinertMU : students in all. . The aim now
is to reach the 1,000 point , and nt the present
rate of increase it will ho reached in a few
years. The college trustees have decided to
etdargo the endowment by an addition of
The annual report of Brooklyn's superin
tendent of puhllo instruction shows eighty-
three schools , with l,75."i teachers , under care
of the board of education , in whicli , within
the year , were taught 110,722 different pupils.
The average daily attendance was 73blW , nn
Increase over the previous year of nearly
5,000 , There were 1,4150 graduates from the
grammar schools. The year's expenses
were ai7S,231. : ,
Superintendent Edwards of Illinois docs
not believe Unit its compulsory school law
works badly. Perhaps in order to suvo It lie
would consent to slight amendments here and
there , but In Chicago in a single season , with
no flourish of trumpets , the truant ofticcrs
liuvo placed in school 8Ml ! scholars , at an ex
pense of only ? fllll ! , or a llttlo more than $1
each. This was done in a quiet , persuasive
manner without invoking the aid of the law
in a single instance.'o
Just it Llttlo Mower The New Year ,
For a Dude-All's ' well that ends "swell. "
Children are poor men's riches their little
A snusairo machine usually succeeds In
"making ends meat , "
The frigid young ludy exerts herself to
prove that she is nn ice girl.
The llrst question a lawyer asks about n
case Is whether it la fces-ible.
Wo do not believe in giving nwholoword
to the Ys. Ono letter Is enough ,
The labor news Is usually the most striking
portion of a newspaper's contents ,
"This Is my n lent out , " said the gentleman
who quit loser on the poker game ,
In New York Gilbert & Sullivan's ' new
opera is pronounced "Tho Gone-dollars. "
A greedy Yankco lias n crick In his neck ,
and yet ho is not natislled with the water sup
"I'm not In it , " was the proud remark of
the lemonwith n scornful glancoat the circus
"I'm so glad that odious MissNurlch is In
the soup. " "Yos , it's a consoinmo-tlon de
voutly to bo wished.
When Greek meets Greek the Harvard
graduate listens patiently nnd wonders what
the dickens they are saying ,
Doss I've lost my time-book , P.it , and I'll '
have to depend on your honesty ai to how
many days you've put In thU month , Pat-
Well , hogor. lot mo HCO ; I think It do bo
thirty-two , hlr.
Lawyer If anybody nsks for mo this
afternoon toll them I nm called away on most
urgent business. Ofllco Boy Yes. sir.
Stranger ( half an hour later ) Is Air. Quill
in ! Ottlco Hey No , sir ; bo's been called
away to the baseball guino on most urgent
Reporter Colonel , will you bo kind enough
to give mo your views on the political situa
tion ? Ex-rolltlclnn You will have to excuse
cuso we , my young friend. I nm now en
tirely out of politics. You may toll your
readers that I am giving my whole tlma and
energy to the practice of the law. Unportoi
( shutting his notebook ) Can't ' do that
Colonel , for less than a dollar a lino.
Dr. Birnoy cures catarrh. Dee
Great Summer Barjain Sale
MAX MEYEE & BRO.
Jewelers and Silversmiths ,
SIXTEENTH AND FABN.AM STREETS , - - OMA.HA , UBB
tains in Bargains \Vatclics ,
Nickel WHtchos front J..Vl ' upwiinti
Diamonds. Kllvtr wntclip * from Jluixrir.l . * .
. l.rullrV Kolj lYHtclu1" ( rum Ulupwjnt"
( lotitlcnion'iKoUirntdivn from J3 i
[ ilnmoml rlim from f2 Wupwimts. in
Bargains Jcwclcry ,
Ulniuviul i-ollnr tuitions IrouiH ii | > wnrits ,
lltnmimd ccarf plm fromf3 npirnrili. VVocnrr ; n fullllno of Jcni'lorf Incliitllim
lilntmiml cnlttjuttnns from M mxrords. bntliMilliUiiUI unit line rollml itoto tlntc * ,
IHnmvml ntiii1 from 7.Wiiiivnnt pin * , canine * , lockcli" , chnlni , brncolot * ,
lilnmoml luce plr.Mroin 110ipimrrt' . iiouktacp , rurf nncl collar luiltom. otc Ar-
lilnnumil fnt tln ! ( roM' ] . ' ujinimli. tlclcn net Hilly rrortll ( two poll nt Vkt ID T.'H %
liliiiuonil InaroN'H frotiiftA niwnnl | . mul nil otluT K < > i l * xtoroldiit tlittnuit proportion -
lllnuuinil iH'mlimtl from ( . ' . " > uimnnK portion , H'o our elionr nlmlUMl bc our
iiiiiiiivim iivti men fromIX ) upwnrdi : iriialn I'niua.
Watches , Clocks and Jewelry Repaired
at Reasonable Prices ,
Greatly Reduced Prices en Silverware , Clocks , Lamps ,
Umbrellas , Optical Goods , Etc.
The Omaha Medical and Surgical Institute
For the treatment of allCIinONlG AND BUndtOAl DISBASKS Hums , Appllimco * for Plformltti > , inS
Truuei. B it Incllltlci , App.irntmnnl Uomcdlei for luocovful trimtmmt ofovorr former dlsrnxr-
qulrlnKSIcitlo.ilcrSutslonlTrontraciit. NINBTV HOOMH KOH I'ATIISN'IS. llonnl ml ntlomlnuco. Boil
( Btrlctlr 1'rlrnttl. Onlf UollnbloMuillcal Inslltiilomnklnitri speclultrof I'lllV/'l'lC IIISKAXKD.
M Dlood l iienst'iiucccMfiilljr tronlcil. fyphlllllo pul < on rlniOTnl fnmi tin nyncm nlllintitmcreurr.
NcnlloitorHtlTeTreitmtMitfur IXIIH of VItnl rower. fMrtlca nnntilc to vlnlt us tuny be trrnlocl rl hnimlij
corrnpondcuco. All communlcntlonn coiillilcnllnl. McOlctnc or Innlnanenti ifnt by m Ml or eiiueni lo
cur ] y packer ] , no tnnrkn to Indlcnte content . . . . or . ncnilcr. ( . . . . Ono inrsonal Intrrvlr-Tvprofomil. dill nnd ennitill
n or en lhl torr of yo'tr ca o. unil wotlll send lniil liirapprr unrtlOOK TOM UN t'UICE. Ml pan 1'rltnta
BpMlttorKcrvOiiB Ulnonso , iupultiC7 : , Syphilis , ( liuot nail Vmkocilc , nrltli qumtlon Hit. Inn
Omaha Medical and Surgical Institute ,
Corner 9th and HarncySts. , Omahn , TMeb.
Set of Teeth on Rubber
FOR FIVE DOLLARS.
Dr. R. W. Bailey Dentist
Paxton Bloclc , 16th and Farnarn Streets.
Wp Are T-TprP Sfnv Our offices have recently been en-
VV rxiC 1XC1C rn .
Olciy. lapged and more fully equipped
with all the latest facilities for dental work. We moke a full upper .
orlo\ver set of tcetnon rubber- for five dollars , guaranteed , to be as
well made as plates sent out of any dental office in this country. Do
not be prejudlcsd by what others may say against us. but come and
see us and examine our work ; It will oil bear Inspection.
Teeth extracted -without pain or danger , and without the use of
chloroform , gas , either or electricity. Goldand silverfillingsnt low
est rates , gold and porcelain-faced crown , teeth without plates , etc ,
All work warranted.
DR. IB-AH-iETy , Dentist , Paxton Block , 10th nndFarnain.
OppnoveiiliiKsiintllfi o'clooU. Tuku uluvtitoruii ICth Htrcctlo tlilnl Moor.
THE HOUSEKEEPER'S FRIEND
ARE TOU BUILDING ?
If so cnll and examine our fine line of art goods , comprising
Locks. Knobs , Escutcheons and Hinges , in nil finishes and designs , .
HIMEBAUGH & TAYLOR ,
1405 Douglas St. , Omaha ,
DEWEY & STONE ,
I tirniture Company ,
A. magnificent display of everything useful nnd ornamental inthfl
furniture maker's art at reasonable prices.
Hnvo removed to 1"07 Douglas St. , opposite ) Millfiril Hotel ,
Stove Repairs for 1500 Different Stoves , Ranges and Furnaces.
W liter Attachment Fit ted iiruU'anncctcil. Gasollrio undOm Bums Hcpulicd. Tol. POO.
1I01IT , UI1UG. I'ropilclor , C.M.IIA.TON. Miuuucr.
TO WEAK WIEN
Buttering from UieonrcUof louthfulrrrora , carlf
IrcBT , woelliiK vuskntu , lovlmrtiitiond , tto. , I vlll
Kiul t vnluauln trmtlw ( x-Jli-il ) cuntalnlnK full
partlculnni for tiomn curr. FIIKI ! of churn" . A
IplcnJIil innllcafworkittiouW bntind \ tivnj
mnB wlio U IHTTOUH tml < llilllt ( fl. Aailrtu ,
! On * bin
C. O , II. dlfKtrronl. . Cl
lory.lll W.XidlMt 81. . tlie.ru. fj M
llOmtd. f.nil li.iu ipl.t n r l > - ,
lt , - -
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