14 'J-JtUli KJSHLJO LJ.myjUUX JDJlaU " - a J-iliM U Ait X ZO , 10 JU OiA.XJ&iliiN JTAiaJBiP 7Sp
SENATORS WHO WILL FIGHT ,
Sotmthtna About the Quarrola In
Our Houao of Lord 3.
WHEN SHERMAN CARRIED A GUN
liiRnlln Itciuly to Ilnok (11 * Klcry Ut *
lormiocn nn tlio Field of Honor
" " "
The DnuioiiB nml the
Ijllilnioi
Fcnntnrlnl rcrnppcr .
ICowriaMttiX ) . hu Frank O , Cartxnttr.l
Wasiiihotox , Jon S3. | SpecInl to Tnn
Hrr | The trouhlo between Scnntors Call
end Plumb will probably inalto them enemies
for life nml another feud will ba added the
many which now exist In the United States
Senate A dozen odd senators do not spc.\l <
to each other nlrcndy nnd the bitter political
Bpccchcs of the past week are by no moans
calmlnK the troubled waters The stlntfs of
debate last long after tlio sessions are over
nnd there are personal roinartti tnntlc ovcry
session which rnnklo In the souls of the scn
ntors nt whom they nro dlrectod Call will
not forfrot that I'lumb called him a coward
nnd Plumb will never forglvo Call for naylne
that ho was n bad man , a vain man , a weak
tiian and ol boorish manners nnd contomptablo
methods , Had these words boon uttered bo-
forotho war the result would probably hnva
been a duel but ns It Is the two men will sit
in the senate , sneer at each others speeches
nnd pass by otio another without spcaldnp
John Sherman and \Vado Hampion hnvo
not spoken to each other for years and the
trouble arose In reply to Bomo correspond
ence ) which Hamilton had with Sherman
wbllo ho was secretary of the treasury
Chandler wants nothing to do with Joe
litacliburn since that stormy trouble arose In
the sosslon of the committco "on Indian
traders nnd the sonntor from Kentucky nt-
tempted to pull the oar of the senator from
Now Hampshire Chandler denies that his
onr was pulled hut ho acknowledges thut ho
rccolvcd threats and other IndlRnltlos IIo
will never forgot them and Blackburn will
long remomner the oltcnsivo remnrk of Mr
Chnnalcrin which ho sold that ho would
Dot bo bulldozed by uny negro driver from
Kentucky "
SENATOR tSOALW' QUAHlU' tS
Senator Ingalls Is mixed up in naif a dozen
feuds The aomncratio senators ns a mass
hnto hi in worse thun the devil hates holy
water nnd there nro a number of the demo
cratic senators with whom ho can never bo
on friendly terms Ono of these Is Joe Brown
of Georgia , whom the Kansas senator held
up to ridicule about six years aeo , under the
tltlo of Bcnntor from Alaska Hrown had
said that ho would not make the scnato
the Bccno of a coarse personal quarrel and
that in his conflicts with bravo men ho had
never boon accused of cowardice Ho re
ferred to Ingnlls' nttonuatca form and in
timated that no ono was much afraid of tno
Kansas senator In reply to this Senator
Ingalls in ado a llury speech , accus
ing Brown of changing the record of the
Bpnato , calling him "a sanctimonious
hypocrite who was forever washing his
hands with invisible soup in imperceptible
water " Under this title the senator from
Alaska has characterized Hrown ns the
Uriah Hccp of the senate , as the Joseph Sur-
foco of American politics , ns a sniveling po
litical Pecksniff who had bcloneod to every
political party in his life tinio none of which
bo did not betray " At the close of his
Bpccch ho said ho was willing to have the
senator from Georgia take his remarks in
any sense which he saw lit to take thorn and
that ho did not shrink behind the privileges
of the chamber
JOR BROWNS DUEL
It was supposed that nothing less than a
dual could como from these remarks After
n day or two , however , the matter quieted
down and nothing mora was hoard of the
trouble The two senators will , however ,
never bo friends though both of them hola
each other In decided respect The fact that
they did not light cannot bo considered an
imputation upon the bravery of either for
both have shown thcmsolvcs to do ready to
fight in days of the past nnd had either sent
a challcna there is no doubt that thu other
would have accepted It Senator Joe Brown
once came within an ace of lighting a duel
with Bob Toombs Toombs and ho had a
quarrel as to reconstruction measures and
the story is that both expected to fight
' Toombs made no preparation for the duel
j Joe Hrown went about his arrange
I ments In the same practical business
| way for which ho Is so noted and which has
! made him a success as a fortune maker and
j a great statesman Ho drew up his wlll.put
his estate in order and clipped all the trees
of bis ncchard In practicing with his pistol
I think it , was In this affair that Brdwn called
Toombs an unscrupulous liar , and that
j Toombs in talking to ouo of his friends
about it churnctorized Hrown as a hypocnt-
ical old deacon , saving ! What can I do
with htm If I challcneo bun ho will dodge
bdhlnd the door of the Baptist church , " nnd
ho then referred to the Btatcmont of Bon
Hill In reply to Aloxundor II Stephens ,
Wherein Hill refused to light , sayjng to Sto-
j pbons , Sir , I have a family to support und
j n God to serve but you have nolthor "
j This remark of Toombs wns reported to
Brown and Urown went to his church and
cot a ccrtiftcato stating thnt ho had loft it
Ho sent the cortillcato to Toombs and told
him thut ho would bo glad to accommodate
him and that ho would accept any challcniro
ho might make It was whllo Toombs was
j waiting to make his challenge thnt ho prac
tices with his pistol Toombs know thut ho
was n good shot and ho svod his llfo by not
enylng anything more about it
j SEN'ATOIl ISOAI.LS' nliAVSUT
; As to Senator Ingnlls' ' bravery , there are
i numerous stories told of his uouragn in Kan-
I sas during and Deforo the war Ho was
1 sitting ono day eating his dinner in a hotel in
I Atchison It was nt the tlmo that Ingulls
i had first como to Kansas and ho hud
S already made two or three of his pyrotechnic
i oratorical displays As ho sat there a
\ drunken ruffian entered the room with a
\ pistol In his hands Ho saw Ingulls nnd said :
\ See here , young man ; they sny you are a
t blanked good speaker Now I want you to
set up and make mo u speech , or I will shoot
8 out of you "
Ho then painted his revolver at Ingnlls
Ingalls looked him In the eye and tbo revolver
ver In the mouth ana replied thut ho did not
intend to mnko a suooeh for any drunkartl
The man continued to swear mid flourish bis
cocked revolver Ho jumped upnndriown as
ho did so and by accident his boot struck his
pistol and bo shot hlmsolf in the log Ills
boot was soon full of blood This sobered
him and ho loft the dining-room. Ingalls
went up stairs , brought down his pistol , laid
it down bcsldo his plate and wont on with his
eating The man wont out in the street , got
into a shooting affray and was killed that
afternoon
BESATOn SlienMAN'3 ' DUBU
Senator Sherman came very near havlug a
duel at Just about the beginning of the wnr
Ho was Insulted by a member of the homo
aud ho picked up u box of wafers nnd throw
it In the mans fuco Kvory ono supposed
that the result would bo a shooting ufTruv
and Sherman carried a pistol for some tlmo
after the occurrence Ho hud this pistol in
his pocket the first day that ho met
tbo man in whoso faca ho had
thrown the wafers , and ho passed
him on the stone flagging which surrounded
the fish pond which used to bo In front of
the capltol Sherman kept his eye on the
man expecting an attack , and I think ono
i hand was un his pistol In his pocket , Wright ,
however this I think was the name of the
tnan failed to attack him and no challenge
was sent Sherman had his bravery tested
in the Kansas-Nebraska troubles , when ho
was sent west ou the house committee to In
vestigate thorn The committee were often
M in Hunger of tholr lives , and they received
many threats on paper marked with coffins
aud skulls and cross bones At ono time
Senator Sherman tells mo , "a hoary-headed
ruffian came in aud denounced him In the
rudest and most threatening of terms , paint
ing the air red with profanity Shorthand
was then a now thing In the west , aud as the
man went ou Senator Sherman motioned to
bis stenographer to take down his language
When ho bad concluded his tirade Senator
Sherman told him ho ought to bo careful as
to how he assaulted a member of congress of
the United States when ho was carrying
out the orders of the government , and
told him that he baa a record of every
word ho hud said The man sneered and
swore and practically called Mr Sher'mhn n
liar Sherman then asked his stenographer
to read to him what ho had said , and the
man listened dumbfounded as ho heard his
remarks recited verbatim It xccmod ft ml-
nele , nnd ho was frightened at the possible
results Ho nsked to see a page of the notes
It was handed him He looked at It and
clutching his hair yelled out :
"Hnakusby G < U"
Whether ho thought he had the delirium
tremens or not , Senator Sherman says ho
does not know , but ho loft the committco
room a scared man , and carried his pistol
nnd his profanity off with him
l.VOALI.S VEII8US BLACKnUHM AMD VOOntlEE1 ! .
Senator Ingalls was severely denounced
by Senator Joe Blackburn nbout two yenrs
ngo and Ingulls and Blackburn might bo
culled the two fighters of thosennto Neither
seems to bo hapnv unless he Is In a quarrel
nnd both deal In oratorical pyrotechnics , de
lighting in the invcctlvo T hey go about the
scnato with chips nn their shoulders defying
any ono to knock them off and ready to light
nt n moments notice At the last quarrel
between the two ench washed for the other
such dirty linen ns ho could find connected
with hlu war record and the sotio of the
cleansing got Into the c.vos of both to such nn
extent thnt they do not smlla as they pass
by mid tholr souls nro filled with hatred It
Is much the same with Ingalls and
Voorheos nnd If the senator from Kansas
dispenses ns much vitriol during the present
sosslon In proportion to the political oxclto-
ment as ho tins douo during these of the past
he will hardly have a speaking acquaintance
with mora than half a dozen democratic sen
ators In his trouble with Voorheos the lat
ter called hint n liar , nnd the senator from
Knnsas retorted that "If the senate of the
United States wns a police court the senator
from Indiana would bo sentonccd to the rock
pile and hard labor " Ho paid his compli
ments to Senator Voorhccs' war record nnd
described the exciting trouble which took
place in the north ns well ns the south in
terms by no means complimentary The
power of Ingalls added to his
wonderful brnln and torrlulo tongue
lies in his knowledge of the
porsonnl records of his brother senators Ho
scorns to have printed documents In his study
detailing every act of their lives from their
births to the present moment Ho has all
suoh information nt his tongues end and his
perceptions are so kcon thut ho knows Just
where to strike hardest und hurt the most
Ho feels hard knocks , however , nnd the
democratic senators occasionally cut deeply
into his scnsiilvo anatomy Joe Urown suc
ceeded In doing this perhaps as much us any
of his opponents nnd both Blackburn and
Vourhcoso caused him considerably moro
than an unpleasant quarter of an hour
OTiir.it sKXAiouiAi ruins
There are a nutnbor of other senators who
nro not on the most friendly terms with os.ch
other Morgan of Alnbatmi and Mitchell of
Oregon will never sleep in the same bed and
It is hardly possible thnt their relations will
over become frlondly The trouhlo occured
not very long ngo when Senator Morgan
charged Senator Mitchell with being n repre
sentative of railroad corporations nnd wheu
Senator Mitchell retorted by saying thnt
whatever ho might do uud that he would not
discuss , ho had never disgraced himself In
the senate bv reeling into the chamber In n
stnto of beastlv Intoxication us the senator
frpm Aahibamn had done
Senator Harris and Senator Hlsoock have
not been on good terms slnco their fuss nt
the latter part of the lust session regarding
the Bureau of Ungravlng nnd Printing nnd
there nro a number of senators who seem tn
have a secret antagonism towards
ono another This docs not como out in
their speeches , and it does not affect to any
great decree their intercourse It is often
so with senntors from the same statu You
seldom see Sherman nnd Payne together ,
and the representatives of the great state of
Ohio have nothing in common Senator
Chandler and Senator Ulair nro not hand
nnd glove us two great statesmen who have
interests in common should bc.nnd Chandler
evidently thinks Hltiir a crunk , and Hlair
apparently knows It Ingalls and Plumb are
friendly enough , but they do not hobnob to
gether , and Kdmunds and Merrill , though
good friends , are by no means boon compan
ions It Is the same with many of the ether
senators representing the same stuto
NEW SKS'ATOltS WUO Vflhh FIOUT
There are a number of mon amonrf the
new ndditions to the chamber who will not
bo ufraid to resist if they nro attacKed this
session Senator Turnlo of Indiana , has not
had a chauco to show his power of invective
as yet Ho Is considered one of the strong
est speakers In this line in the whole stnto
of Indiana and the republicans will prob-
nbly hear something drop before the winter
is ever Ho is little and insignificant look
ing , but bo has a gallbag nt the routs of bis
tongue ns big ns thnt of Ingalls' , nnd his
command of language is almost as great
Moody of Dakota , wllbcirtainly resist If at
tacked , and there nro many storlos of his
bravery in the Indiana legislature which
have not gotten into print 1 dent , believe
he will fiht a duel now but bo has accepted
a challenge in bis day and ho comes from
the lighting frontier Another possible fighter
is the republican senator-elect , banders
of Montana If ho should get his scat he
will display to the senate a tongue much the
same as that of Ingalls , and ho has shown
himself to possess a courage onual to thut of
any man in public llfo Ho was ono of the
chief organbors of the Montunu vigilantes ,
who cleaned out the road noonts from the
territory and who hung more than twenty
men The first of these was George Ives , nnd
Sanders mudo the speech against him while
his frlonds were standing around with their
hnndB on their pistols This speech con
victed Ives , and I heard a story tonight of nn
Incident that occurred thut same evening nt
Virginia City Colonel Sanders was quietly
reading in ono of the stores of the town
when u desperado namau Harkey Meada
came into the room with his revolver stuck
into the band , of his pantaloons in front IIo
came up to Sanders nnd commenced abusing
bim and called him all sorts of names Sanders -
dors went nn with tits reading without notic
ing him for n moment , and then dropping
his hand into his overcoat pocket , ho
cocked the derringer which lav there and
rulsaa his eye to the bully and murderer , as
ho quietly said , "Hurvoy , I should fuel hurt
If some men used such language to mo , but
from such a dog as you It is not worth no
ticing " The men who were in the store
upon this caught hold of Meade and dragced
him out He afterwards admitted to San
ders that he iutonded to kill him
HIE PAMONS AX ! ) rTTIIIASES 01" TUB SENATE
The friendships of the senate , however ,
are moro numerous than the onmltlos The
eighty-two mon in the chamber uro as a whole
muchliko a big club , nnd they associate hero
moro llko college boys than llko domocruts
and republicans Many of the states have
senators who are frlondly with each nther ,
nnd Spooner and Sawyer work together ,
Beck and Blackburn are often Been arm la
arm , and Heck has friends on both sldos of
the chamber Ono of the most popular sen
ators Is Senator Stanfordand his popularity ,
It may be , comes somowhut from his gener
ous purse IIo never lunches alone , und ho
gives many a good dinner both at the capl
tel ana at bis rcsldouca It was the
same with Palmer of Michigan
who possesses moro elements of goodfellow-
ship than any man iu the Bonatn and the
friendship of Palmer and Manaerson was
ono of the noticenblo things of the chamber
The two were always tocetber and ono win
ter Manderson and his wife lived with Senator
ator Palmer in his big h > use on MaoPhorson
square Vest of Missouri and Pugb of Ala
bama are great friends though they hold
different views on the tariff Question , and
vnu may often see these two rough diamonds
known as George and Cockroll bob nobbing
together
It Is funuy how mon of the most different
temperaments become nttaohod to one an
other , Phlletus Sawyer , the millionaire
Wisconsin senator , is as broad as ho Is long
and his fat round belly shakes llko a bowl of
jelly over every good story ho hears Ho Is
a man of brains as well as money and ho is
the direct ouposlto of that tall , thin
grandmother In specs known as Senator
Payne The two are great chums and they
sit und gossip for hours together whllo the
most bitter of political speeches are being
made In the chamber The fact that ono is
a democrat und the other a republican does
not affect their good fellowship
BToniES or vex cameuox
Don Cameron is a good friend and a bad
enemy The especial object of his avorslon
in the person of Vat Wyck of Nebraska baa
left the chamber , Cameron carries la hit
soul the friendships and enmities of bis
father and ho Jutted Van Wyck because he
had made a bitter personal attack upon
Simon Cameron when ho was la the house
of representatives He also assaulted Van
W.vck at the time that ha made charges
against Attorney General Brewster some
years ace and tno scene of that day is not
yet forgotten in the senate chamber Came
<
ron was very 111. He got op In front of \ an
Wyck and Interrupted him in his speech
Ho shook bis fist at him and
told htm not to talk : any moro In that
direction There was an uproar In the cham
ber The vice president tried to restore or
der and Cameron finally was taken by his
friends Into ono of the oloak rooms and per *
suaded tolls down on a sofa
The great friendship of Senator Cntnoron
and Senator Hutler of South Carolina also
starts , I nm toldwith Don Cameron's fitthor
The incident occurred before the war when
Simon Cameron was elected to the scnato
and through some hitch or other came very
near missing his Boat Pierce Hutler , Sena
tor Uutlor's undo was then a senator from
Sonth Carolina Ho made a fight for Simon
Cameron and It was his speeches and vote
that gnve him his seat After the question
wns settled Mr Hutler wont over to Camer
on nnd said :
Senator Cameron 1 won this fight for you
and there Is one thing I want you to do for
mo In return , I want you to send me a
quart bottle of your best Pennsylvania
whisky "
Ill Bend you n barrel , " said old Simon , as
ho shook his hands with Kiorco Hutler ,
and when vo'j want anything else call upon
mo and Ill do It "
Ho sent Hutlnr the barrel of whisky nnd
ho continued his friend ns long as ho lived ,
Don Cameron inherited the friendship for
the Hutler family , and when the present
Senator Uutlcr came to the senate , it hap
pened that there was some difficulty about
his sent It was n party question , but Don
Camoron.so the Btory goes , oroko away from
the republicans in this case and voted with
the democruts His vote made Uutlor's ' posi
tion Bccure , and ho thus paid the debt of bis
father to Butlers uncle
PlUXK O. CAitrENTrit
SAIjT liAKIj C1TV NOTES
Utah's Cnpltnl ns n Health llosnrt
It-nl Knintc CiintintitM Kit-m.
Salt Lake Citt , Jon 23. [ Special to The
Bee.J Dr Gulllemotof Cedar ltApids , Neb ,
n physician of considerable ropuution , has
decided to open un ofllco in Salt Lnko City ,
As ho Is un authority on hygienic matters ,
and a type of many Intolllcont newcomers , I
usked the doctor for bis opinion of Salt Like
City , Its climate nnd general adaptation ns
ono of the great sanitariums of the United
States
The doctor answered In substnnco : "I
foci cortaln that there Is no other point be
tween the Atlantic and PaclUc , superior to
this In respect to nit that makes a locality
the homo for a health seeker There Is an
cuuillbrium in the tompcraturo , nn elasticity
in the air that gives health nud buoyancy to
old nnd young Added to these climatic ad
vantage * there is the great Salt Luno nnd
the superior hot and warm sulphur baths ,
the vicinity of still higher altitudes , afford
ing the most perfect health resorts in
the summer , bo thnt taken altogether ,
the chnruUcr of the place 1b such ns to make
It one of the great sanitariums of the world ,
far superiur on account of its mild and yet
bracing air , to many famed resorts on the
coast
"I expect " the doctor continued , "to see
thousand ufllietcd with asthmatic and lung
troubles iloclt hero to regain tholr health ,
whllo as for women in delicate health , I
know of no locality that combines so many
nd vantages for the niltnents peculiar to the
sex "
"I have hoard similar statements from a
well known physician from Iowa Dr Einers ,
who is alsu llko Dr Guillemot , nn authority
on diseases of women The Increasing faith
in the brilliant future of Salt Lake City , as
witnessed bv many now coiners , many of
them capitalists from Denver und other big
cities thut have passed through a successful
poiiod or rapid growth , forms a basis for
speculation that olds fair to bo rolmblc
Great things are planned nnd greater honed
for 'l ho city council has voted for the Im
mediate orcetion of u county court house and
city hail combined Tno United States gov
ernment Is exp3ctcd to obtain from congress
nn appropriation for a grand build
ing lor federal purposes The pav
ing or macadamizing of our mncniuccut
strcots and a still further extension of an
ulUcicnt system of sewerage uro some other
measures of public utility that Will receive
nttention In a cllmato like ours the sprink
ling of the principal streets is an absolute
necessity , aud whllo much has been done , a
great deal moro will bo done this summer
The real estate market continues Arm ,
transfers being rather in excess of S150.000
per day reaching over $ )00UOJ on some days ,
counting only sales by wananty deed A
tendency to boar the market is felt , tn view
of the near election , but the material pro
greiss of the city nnd surrounding country
is so great that it sufllces of itself to secure
a regular and steady advance Eastern cap
ital Is being freely invested and is sure to
reap u satisfactory hurvest The steadiness
of our onward movement resembles very
much the Bteidy growth.of Denver This Is
because our mountains and holds harbor
nn increased wealth whio'i thelsteadlly ex
tending milroad lluoi arj making moro and
more available Wo nnvo not only coal and
Iron ore in nbtndanoj but p. educe silver in
large quantities , the famous Ontario initio
being poiit.VJly the richest and best-paying
mine in the world , while the output of lead ,
copper , gold and other metuls is steadily in-
creusinc
How healthy the financial situation Is ap
pears also from the sinallness of the delin
quent tax list There arj scarcely any de
linquent taxes less th in one-third of an
ordinary newspaper column containing the
whole list , nnd one-third of it being in oiu
nume The following stalistic3 , furnished
by Messrs Sbllev , Groshell & Co , may also
bo quoted , ns showing the regular , though
rapid ndvauco to a wonderful prosperity :
18S7 4 3,0011,307
IbSa 5,3WM5
1330 15 , .U-V15r
These ligurcs prove thut Suit Lake City is
unquestionably a must excellent Held for the
investor C. A. Eoosut ,
MUUCAli AXI > OltAMATlC ,
Ben Stern has resigned us manager of
Kojunku "
There is talk of establishing u musical
college ut Yale
Joseph Jefferson und W. J. Florence arn
truvoliug in thtlr prlvato car , The Itlvals "
Miss Maude Hall has been engaged to play
the lending female part with Edgar Selden
In Will O' ' the Wisp "
Lottu will go on the road ngain next Reason -
son , nnd a tour has been booked for bur ex
tending to Suu Francisco
Mr Harnes of Now York Is proving to
bo so much of a success that Manager Frank
Sanger has booked it for nearly all of next
season , chielly in the largo cities
Ono of the features of too phonograph ex
hibition nt the Uattlo of Gettysburg In Now
York City is a portion of an after dinner
speech recently delivered by Lord Salisbury
the Engjlsh Premier ,
Mr Lawrence Dnrrott sails for Europe
February 1 for an extended vacation , Next
Bouson he hopes to appear with Mr Booth ,
and a big spectacular production of King
Henry V. " is bolng talked about
It is made known by Mrs David Bid well ,
widow of the late manuccr and owner of the
St Charles theater and Academy of Music ,
New Orleans , that she Intends to dlsposo of
the St Charles , retaining the Academy ,
Hlch & Harris abandoned the management
of the Old Jed I'routy" company , and nro
now nt work organizing tholr big pantomlmo
company , which is to open the Academy
next season in advance of Denman Thomp
son ,
The principals for the now Do Wolf Hop
per oporabouffo company , comprises Marion
Manolu , Lillie Grubb , Herbert Stanley ,
Thomas Q. Seabrooko , Jotophlno Knapp
Herbert Crlpps und Alfred Kllno , bosldcs , of
course , Do Wolf Hopper hlmsolf
Miss Fanny Davenport will nut be
managed by Messrs Kiaw and Erlanger
next season All the persons concerned
speak in the most pleasant terms of ono
another und say that their purling is purely a
business urrungoment and not caused by any
quarrel
Gorge F. Krowolf , who was well known
and generally liked by theatrical people until
be took it into bis bead to decamp with
some of "A Brass Monkeys earnings in
Boston , Is said to have found bis way to
Montreal , where he Is engaged in driving a
street car
The richest man In Russia Count Scher *
omtjow , is about to produce Puscb kin's play ,
Boris Godunow , " in his own bouse , and
bas spent 30,000 rubles on scenery and cos
tumes The performers will be noble ama
teurs , and the royal opera will supply the
muslo and choruses
Dr Blrnoy , practice limited to ca
tarrhal diseases of nose , and throat
Rooms 218 and 250 , Boo building
THOUGHTS lN-LIGttTKR VEIN ,
ttt-
Wnlfs from the World of Wit and
nnd Humor
'ATI
HE WAS PREDESTINED TO RUN
3 T
TheoloRjr on ( he IlnttloIlMit-N'o Po
etry In Pudding Sntioe Had a
Family 116w JIo Saved
tli Pants '
h i i
The Plumber
t /Jojfon courifr
The netor down to the footlights strode ,
And his strides they were immense
And from his parted lips there flowed
A stream of eloquence
What caused the actors head to spin
And his sight to lcavo hlni thorol
'Twas the blaze of tno plumbers diamond
pin
Which gleamed In nn orchestra chair
Another Cnio of Protlcstlnntlon
Mtlwitukoo livening Wisconsin : A
few hours before the otiRiiBomont nt
Dnndrldjjo , Tctm , two members of the
1st Wisconsin Cnvuh'y had it warm dls-
nuto ever the tnnttor of foreordinatlnn ,
Ono of thorn stoutly maintained thnt
the time und plnco of every mans donth
nro nppointod before hnnd With equal
fervor the ether trooper maintained that
the hollof in foreordinntion is tlio
greatest n on son so imtipitinblo : Soon
utter the oiiRajToinont opened the regi
ment , which hud boon lighting on foot
Was forced to boat n hasty rotrcat , and
the bcl'cvor ' in forcordlnation and his
onpononl in the recent debate were two
ol the most niinhlo runners among the
Union troops They happened to meet
when the pursuit ceased
The man who had condemned the
theory of foraordlnution thought ho had
a good joke nn tlio other
• Look " said "if
hero , Charley , ho ,
the tlmo of your death is foreordained ,
what mudo you run ? "
Well , you boo , " was the reply , "it
was forcortlnincd thnt I should run , aud
run like the devil , too "
A lon < Tribulation ? .
A lady of Bostonwho is distinguished
for the bonuty and literary vnluo of hur
sonnets , says the Advertiser of that
city , rolntos that she was once asked ,
in nlottcr from a remote acquaintance ,
to furnish a nooin to bo road at the ob
servance ot the sovcnty-llfth birthday
of n very dear aunt of the writer "I
will toll you some of aunts character
istics , " the letter wont on She is a
dear , good soul , una for mnnv years she
has worn white lace caps She has also
been distinguished In the fnmily for
excellence of a certain kind of pudding
sauce which she alone can make Will
you kindly ennoble these character
istics in your poem ? " The poet is
very obliging , und was not unwilling to
do a favor to an acquaintance And , "
she said , nfterward , "I struggled hard
with the laeo cups , hut I was leally
obliged to draw the line at the pudding
sauce "
1 lie National l < Inwor nt Last
Boston Transcript : Tlio little boven-
year-old daughter ' of a lending physi
cian in a neighboring city heard the
question as to what flower would make
the bust national emblem discussed at
considorablu length only the ether day
by a party of guests at her fathers d in
ner table Each guest had given an
opinion and supported it with the cus
tomary nrgumeiits wKon suddenly the
little girl woke ud ; '
Papa , " she said , j"I know what 1
think would ho the best national emblem
blem " „ ' , * • ,
Well , Josephine , ' 1 said her father ,
what is it ? ' * *
She answered with an air ot rollof , as
if glad to have the question definitely
settled :
The chestnut ! "
lie Had : i nutilly
Portland Orcgoniitn : In making final
tproof before the United Stales land of-
'llco , Judge Guichard of Walla Walla ,
usually asks : Have you a family i" '
Most of them nnswor tn the nlllrmativo ,
but the ether day he got hold of a man
who had the biugest family on record
Have you a family ? " said the judge as
ho pulled down his vest Yes , sir "
said the man , somewhat confused
What does it consist of ? " continued
Mr Guichard Well , " said tlio man ,
looking up toward the coiling as if to
refresh his mind and glvo a true ac
count , "a wife end twelve children , two
married , a hired man , a gang plough , a
seeder , a Bain wugon and a pair of
mules " "That's enough , " said the
judge with a srailo and the man got his
final papora without any further trou
blo
Riulcl Koiiiinmy
St Joseph ( Mo ) Herald : There is a
good story told of the economical quali-
Hios of two well-known and wealthy
gentlemen living in the east part of
town that is a good lesson for these
recklessly extravagant persons who nro
not possessed of the true spirit of econ
omy On a certain night ono of these
gentlemen called on the ether to trans
act u little business at the formers res
idence The host lighted a candle that
they might oxuminu some papnrs , but
immediately blow it out again , when
they were through , leaving both sitting
in the dark
Why did you blow out the candloV"
asked the caifor
"Oh , wo can talic in the dark as well
aB in the lightand it saves thocandlo , "
wiib the roplv
They continued tholr conversation
for a short tlmo , when the host hoard
some mysterious sounds coming from
the direction of the culler's chair , and
inquired what his friend was doing
Why , " sold his friend , Its dark in
hora , und no ono can see mo , so I
thought I would takoolT my trouBors to
save the wear on them "
Hy the Quart
The Epoch : An dnthusiastlo pro
hibitionist , when < ho learned that his
follow pa3songor''iwas ' from Georgia ,
tackled hlra nt once ; , . ' 'I ' am very glad
to know , sir , " ho .salp' that you are a
resident of that grand old stuto What's
the Ifttost prohibition news from your
section'f" "WoU , " replied the
Georgian , "peoploj were a little slow In
coming around tolwy ithy the quart at
fust , but they've got right smart UBed to
it now , stranger , ' ' ;
"
What TrnuUled Him
Now YorkTruth : Yqung dude Might
I ask you , Miss alil rMles
Miss do Ball V6ry jerry , sir , but am
engaged for the nqpet "Yorko , "
Young dude ( brjtcing up ) It Is not
dancing , MiBS ah it is , ah its beg
ging your pawdon , Miss , you are sitting
on my hat
No EnlarKftinentNertled
Lawrence Amorlcan : County School
master ( just out of college ) Dent you
think , Mr Greene , that the curriculum
should bo enlarged next yoarV
Squlro Greene ( of the school committee -
too ) Enlurgod ? Not a bit • The buildings
ing's big enough In every way What
wo want to do , though , is tor touch moro
things
Helort Courioous
Now York Sun : "I'dhavo you know , "
said Cholly Van Antwerp , that my rep
ttUtlon la m dear to mo ns anyone's can
bo to him "
"I should Jtidue that it cost a good
deal to got n reputation like jours "
ttn Ynlun Inurensnil ,
Epoch : Wife Mother wants to oomo
nnd make us a visit , John , but I'm afraid
she never will ns long ns wo have that
parrott She dotcsts parrots
. HiiBband Does bIio
Wife Yes , and vou know you have a
standing offer of $50 for that bird
Husband I wouldn't soil that parrot
for SICO
llobinn'n Otiolcc
Judge : In court
A lawyer who wns pleading n case
noticed that the judge had fallen
nsluop
But slnco there Is no ono to hear
mo " ho wont on , raising his voice
Pardon , " replied the judge , waking
up with a Btnrt , "it is precisely hocnuso
1 wnsllstonltig toyouthntlfoll asleep "
1'rolessKmul tuncnntration
Merchant Traveler : That was a ter
rible thing , " bulil Jciilts to the family
physician
What was that ? " asked the doctor
That uprising among the iron foun
dries "
"No , I hadn't hoard of it "
"It was a gonornl breaking out ; an ex
tremely rnsh nITalr ' '
Hut , my dear sir said the doctor in
a far-nwuy , preoccupied tone , there la
nothing romarknhlo In thnt A break
ing out is in the natural course of things
n rash affair "
Knsy Gnonich When Ho Iliiln't Try
Now York Sun : Driving over the hills
of western Jersey last week a reporter
stopped at a lonely little cabin , in front
of which nn old man wns chopping
wood , und inquired the dibtanco to An
thony The lank and nged citi/.uu
strniirhtoncd up and attempted toroply
IIo got as far n :
"T-t-t-l-t-ttt , " when Mb face grew
red and Ins grimaces became distress
ing Ho stoppod.tonk n full broathand
triofl again with no better success He
was thoroughly mad now , and his dis
tortions were really suggchtivo of nn at
tack of appoploxy The old follow suddenly
donly guvo it up and broke out without
uny dilllulty :
Dom yo drlvo on and yell git there
afore I can toll yo "
'
The reporter drove on
IN W Patrick Votrtl
Boston Transcript : The way which a
worth citizen ol Irish birth votcU the
straight democratic tiokot ut the state
election last month has just been re
lated to the listener by the mans om-
ployor Patrick had been interested in
the Australian Bystom , nnd when his
employer met him in the afternoon ho
asked him :
Well , Patrick , have you voted ? "
" 1 have , sir "
Did you have any trouble with the
Australian ballot ? "
"Divll a throublo , sir ; I put a nont
crofes forninst all the ropooblicin and
praw'ibitionist names and voted a clano
dimmcrcratic ticket ! "
Didn't Mtrry Any Pliosnhnte
The Gainesville ( Klu ) Advocate re
lates this funny incident of the phos
phate cnuo in that stuto : "A tall , -
lank cracker entered a chemists ollico
with a handkerchief full of rock , nnd
said , in a husky but eager and excited
whisper : Mister , bo you alone ? ' Yes ,
sir ' Can I look the door ? ' Yes , if
you wish to ' After locking the door
and scouig that no one was hiding any
where , the cracker slowly undid his
handkerchief and handed.somo rock to
the chemist for his inspection ,
nnd asked , What do you think of that ? '
The chemist carefully examined it
and said , 'I do not think much of it , ' nt
the same time pouring some acid on it
which caused it to cfTorvcseo like u
double rQlinod soidlit powder Cracker
What does that show ? Chemist
That shows it is a first-class sample ot
limo , with no bono phosphate about it
Cracker Boss , you are sure about that
stuff ? Cncmlst Yes , very sure Crack
er ( with a long-drawn breath ) Well ,
I've married a widdor with a hill plumb
full of that stuff , an' I thought it was
phosphate Say , boss , I'm in for it ain't '
I ? Good-by. "
* Unci Hnnil
The widow hud just said no
Puck : Lifo is u game , " said Mr
Upson Downcs , rollectlvoly "I thought
It was draw , and I drew for a qucon ,
but It seems to be ouchrcd for mo "
"In that case - ' snid the lady , consol
ingly , you will have to go it alone "
Yes , nnd what's worse , " Bald Mr
Downos , "I cant take my partners best
card "
"I always knew you were a horrid
mercenary thing , " remarked the widow ,
as she cut out of the room und loft Mr
Downes to shufile sadly on his lonesome
way
IEPlMlMlVi ' DUOPS
Washington Star : Love nnd liquor make
the world go round
Texas Rlftings : It Is natural for a cattle
king to try to impose tlio yoke
Homo Sentinel : The way of the trans
gressor is bard , yet good people tell us it is
the easiest thing in the world to follow It
Uinghampton Republican : Fogg argues
that prohibition cant prohibit , because
drulten men nrosuro tobo plentv-full every
where
Fllogondo Blatter : "llavo you scon Ib
sen's now play I" "To toll the truth , 1 have
not had the tlmo , I have been so busy writ
ing my criticism upon It
Tlmo : Tailor You promised mo faithfully
yosteraay morning that you would call In
und settle for that suit last night If it rained
pltchforus Customer-Yos , I know , but It
didn't rain pitchforks ,
Grand Rapids News : Young Mpdical Student -
dent ( to his swecthoart ) : Do you know ,
Julia , that tno human heart is equal to the
lifting of 120 pounds every 24 hours ! Julia
( demurely ) : Well , that's lust my weight
Now York Weekly ! JUUsMeFllmsey ( who
wants to get a pair of gloves for a male
friend ) : Have you any gentlemen's gloves !
Now Olerk ( Rlaacing at her hand ) : No ,
miss ; out I think 1 can find a ladles slzo that
will Ut you
Terre Huuto Express : New Girl There's
ono thing I dent ' like about the master IIo
keeps culling mo my dear , Mrs Flngg O ,
you uiusn't mind that U'b ' only a habit of
Lis Why , ho even addresses mo that way
sometimes
Now York Sun : "I am from Phlladol
phla , " remarked Mr , Chosnut as ho took the
pen to register at a Now York hotel All
right , " replied tlio clerk ; Ill ' send n boy up
to your room with you to show you how to
turn off the gas "
Terre Haute Express ! Minnie : I wonder
who wes the young man in the fur-trimmed
coat and a silk that we just passed ! Mamloi
Oh , he Is a Chicago traveling man Then
you know him , do youl" "Mo ! No But
' 'I have ! ' "
didn't you hear him say saw
Puck : "I thought you were going to marry
Miss Goldtbwaite , Charley Haven't you
bad some aspirations in that line ! " I had ,
but it was no go Her family were all op
posed to it " Well , but If the girl bcrsolf "
"I said all the family She was ouo of em "
Llppinoott's Magaiine : nolllver What a
peculiar book reviewer Kazzlo Isl Did you
ever notice how confused , his Ideas seem to
bo how rambling and incoherent ! Pom
pous Yes , I've ' noticed It , ( Struck with an
Idea ) Perhaps he reads the books bo re
views
Epoch ! The Itov Dr Primroso-I was ae-
lighted to recolvo these castoff garments for
the poor of my parish It shows that there
is still some hope of your becoming a Chris
tian Hrown Well , jou see the old clothes
man ofTered mo only sic shillings for the lot
and I would sooner have thrown them in the
Are than be cheated llko ttut
jmmmmmnrmmmmmmmmmmamawBmmtmmmmmmmmmmmnmmmmmmimm
Special Closing Out Sale ! ; < <
Fine Spectacles , Eye Glasses , Thermometers , and All Other i/L
Optical Goods at Greatly Reduced Prices , *
wixyAa sni.it , ron one winit : /
SOLID COLD SI'jnrTACIr.S , $3. worth 8 * .
VlNiST : GOM ) SPr.CTACIiKS , St nnd 85 ; sold cvcijwlicro
from ( ! to gio
KKST STIlIHi HiiVrACI.r.S : , Willi purest while crjHlul
! > , nsct , 7.1c , @ 1 und 81.50 ; worth double
KisT scotch rniutxr siictacms : only sa.so ;
worth $5.
All llyo < < limc nt same reduction Eyes totted by our
optician , nnd it perfect 111 Riinrantccd In every ease All
vUiottal imperfections corrected Oculists prescription *
tilled ut IowcnI possible price * .
1,000 TIIEimo.UETEIlK Trom " ceach up to tlio very
IiIkIich ) prude
Only u lew more dajs to buy JKWEEKY , DIAMONDS
WATCHES uud SIM'EltWAKE nt your own prlie ' T m
I MAX MEYER & BRO , I
JEWELERS MP OPTICIANS • - COR 16TH AND FARNAM STS I
SET OF TEETH ON RUBBER r4 *
For Five Dollars 1
DR R. W. BAILEY , Dentist , v I
Faxton Block , lGtli and Farnaui Streets 1
"Wo Al > TTp-PP + Qf riTr nnd having within the past two
. P r >
VV C Xl.lt ; XlCiC bU K3liCtty months largely Increased our
office room , are now better preoared to turn out the best class or H
work , and much more rapidly than heretofore Wo make a flill soft W
ofteeth on rubber Tor FIVE DOLLARS , guaranteed to be as wol M
made as plates sent out or any dental orrice In this country Do not | V
let others Influence you not to come , but make us a call and see fop W >
yourself f
Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIN , nnd without using chloroform tl
gas , ether or electricity Filling at lowest rates Remember the lo M
cation DR BAILEY , Dentist , Paxton Block
Open evenings until 8 o'clock Take elevator on 16th street , ICth and Farnara B
Cut tills out Mention thtspapjr B
- WOODS I
f V , , , -I , . ii irrn • bb K
WE GARRY a COIiPLETE STOCK I
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE AND PRICES H
JAMES MORTON & SON , Agents > 4V
Telephone437. 1511 Dodge St M
Dewey & Stone , I
Furniture Company 1
A magnificent display of everything visorul and ornamental in the H
furniture makers art at reasonable prices
EC A . KinSHSTETZ" , I
ELEtriMCICAL 11XGINKER AXI > CONTKACTOK , S
uf.fhisinting : Chicago ori'icn
Brush Electric Company 1
Estimates ami plnns furnished Correspondence solicited • " B
832-833 N. Y. Life Building , - Omaha W
' . I. -TTlBpi
A COMPLETE STOCK OP JT
Ice Tools 1
HIMEBAUGH & TAYLOR , 1405 Dougias St I
Send for catalogue V
, , , ! l •
ETCHINGS - > H M % 4r % 1 % B * dTEMBRSON , I
ENGHAVIKGS , J J fk MM Ha " HALLKT Sc DAVIS 1
ARTIST SUPPLIES ! MM WM KTKIMBALL , 1
MOULDINGS , . > L BV _ . arPIANOS&ORGANS
FRAMES , * l MM TSIIEET MUSIC
1513 Douglas Street , Omaha , Nebraska
Exeelsior Springs , JIo
Natures Qreat Sanitarium
The Molt HIi'B nt , Ilotful nnd HcucDcIal
of ilculth Jlesorts
TUC CI MQ Ono of " 10 Fine Hotels of the
I ML tLlllui World Ki'i > kto Willi every coin
fort , plraiure nnd convenience ULopproncbablo
In Its Bttr&ctlvem.a i furnlaliiiiga and culiluc Mil
itary condition ! perfect All charges reasonable ,
TUC DJtTUO Within the hottl , imperii , coin
INC DfllriOi plcto and of great medicinal
virtue halt-Sulphur Water Tub , Turkish , Elec
tric , Ma ace , Marble-riunKo.
THE MINERAL WATERS JKSJftS
for Jtbtumatlero , ( lout , Dropey , Klduoy , Illadder
and Liver Troubles , liyapepsia , Wood Uleeaeci ,
Alcobollem , Debility and other derangements of
the tystem The most aatouUhlnu and marveloua
remits speedily follow tuclruee The waters pos
teas properties and combinations unknown to any
other known spring In the world They contain
Iron In that inoit rare and valuable form for ready
absorption and rapid medication ; namely , a solu
tlouof the l'roloildo in Carbonic Acid Asasolr
tnt and diuretic , they are supremely efficacious ,
and aa a tonic In upbuilding tno worn and debili
tated system , they baio no equal A ealu of about
ono pound a day usually follows their use They
have restored thousands from the brink of death
to | > erfect health Try them They will prolong
your life
Climate mild and healthful Surroundings beauti
ful Twenty five miles from Kansas City ou the
C , M.i St T. lllt
T1IK ltOTTLUU WAT15U8 shipped on or
der to all points ,
l'or full Information and Illustrated pamphlets ,
ddru , EXCELSIOR SI'KINUS CO ,
liicelslor bprlugy , ilo
MAX GEISER/
Importer of and Dcnlorln All Kinds of
Birfls , Fisb anflR are Animals ,
lilltl ) CAGES , FOUNTAIN A0.UA1Utf . y ,
IUJIH , SJU' .M.S , ETC T '
IMFOMBDBlE slifASPECIALTI k
417 S. 15th St /m /
*
OM AFA - - NEB
DS . . SPENCER OTIS , "ESS * 1
Iteilisulcal Kunlneer and Drnrutnan , Couplets , B
OrawluKB , W ulncallons and Hupor1nUndar.o. fi - * W *
Klevators Ml I s. Fatterlcs , or iieclal .MachlncrE '
rag loss.and illuo IllntafurnlsheJ t
PATENT OHICB WOllli A bTKClAI/rV , , L
