I 10 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : BUND&.Y , , JANUARY 5. SIXTEEN PAGES , _ _ _ T.1
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TOE BRITISH GOLD INVASION
What the Salons at the Oapltal
Think About It
IT MAY PRODUCE A PANIC
Bo Soys Senator Shcrmnn , nut Plillo-
tusSnwj-or Thinks Othcrwho Son
ntor Paddock : VI0W1 ttta Question
From a Western Stnmlpotnt
John nulls Itiilllon
( ropt/rff/Mfil / 1839 by Frank U. Curpenter )
WisiiINOton , Dee 31. ISpccial to Titn
DrE ] I hnvo lntcrvloived a number of the
leading capitalists of Washington as to the
effect of the Invasion of English capital
which has been golnp on to such an extent In
Araorlca durln < ? the past year Within the
last nix months the English have invested
„ millions of dollarB In all sorts of American
Industries from browcrlos to Iron works , and
the question as to whether these Investments
. nro to result In Anglo-Ainorlc.in monopolies ,
whethertlicy nro to affect the rotations of
labor and capital and whether they nro
likely to involva us In International compli
cations with England aresubjectsof g rent In
torest Some of the men interviewed , how
ever , apprehend no danger and say thntEng-
laud may send on her iiionoy and America
will boo that it Is put whore It will do the
most good Others think the cITcct of their
investments will bo disastrous
SEXaTOIl SIIKUMAN OBJECTS TO SUCH 1SCVEST *
MKSTS
Senator Sherman , ex-secretary of the
treasury , and ono of the leading financial
thinkers of the United States , was found In
' Jnscotntnlttoo room at the cnpltol Ho said :
The English are now sesklng Invest
ments in every part of the world , and the ag
gregation of capital in England Is wonderful
Their money has bonn gathered from all of
C&a four quarters of the earth mode from on-
, vccpriscs of every Kind There Is so much of
. It that the Interest on a largo part does not
exccoil 3 per cent And n great part of it Is
utnoroor less dormant , The English capltal-
l ista have discovered that In America there
are great enterprises increasing nnd oxpaftd-
wlngin n wonderful degrco , and their obsorva-
t tlon nnd oxpcrlcnce shows them that certnin
' , Hvosttnunts hero yield from 5 to
f 8 per cent and more The dif
ference between this nnd the low rate In
' England Is a very great temptation to Eng
i , llsh invcstois and the ; ' nro uvailing thoin-
selves of such investments to an extent al
most unknown In business operations I
think the effect of such Investments upon
' • our own country is Injurious Much of the
, , American capital which will thus bo rollovcd
from employment will seek investment in
visionary speculations and this will very
likely ' disturb the market with useless sup
plies and may In t-o end produce pauio nnd
• disaster
sp.SUTOit cockiicm 's vicns
I met Senator Coclcroll of Missouri in a
strcot car going out to the capitol , and nskod
him ast/i whether any English capital had
liccn invested in his statu Ho replied :
Yes , they have boon buying up some of
our breweries in St Louis , and I think they
will probably make money out of thorn
Vrom what I can learn they nro making
their investments In a legitimate way They
investigate the books of the coacorns they
liuy for a half-dozen years back and base
( their calculations upon the profits the
works have paid during this time If
they think they will not them six per cent In
the future they nro satisfied to pay a Dropor-
tionato sum for them They dent expect
thn hih r.itns of Interest that wo do and It
they run their ostnbllshmonts carefully I
dent sco why they should not prosper "
"Ho you think such an Investments nro to
the interest of the people of the United
States ! ' ' I asked :
' • I cant say as to that , " replied Senator
CookrolL "It depends on who controls
thorn and how they are run If they should
get cantrol of our manufacturing establish
_ nionts and should monopoliso our protected
industries so that they should supply just
enough and no mora than our present de
mands without attempting to make supplies
lor exportation , I can see where they might
make the condition of our foreign commerce
even worse than it now is They might
have their English branches which might
Bupplv the demand for the rest of the world ,
and thus push England to the front and hold
America back In such a wav the use of
foreign cheap labor could bo uti
lized Prices could bo put down
abroad and they could bo kept up hero to the
high tariff oasis So for as I sco they tiavo
vnot been watering their stock And this is
r in their favor , for the watering of the stock
< of business enterprises is ono of the curses
of the country
AMAT ! A OSE JIUNDKED MILIJOKWtB TnlNKS
' Senator Stanford .is ono of the greatest
1 capitalists in the United States Ho Is
I worth nearly $10X1,000,000 and Is a man of
ideas
I found him at his homo on Farragut
square Ho said :
"At llrst thought the idea of the English
investing in and controlling largo cstabllsh-
I nicnts in this country is repugnant nnd I
have not liked it I apprehend , howoveryno
danger from it The English are paying
Kood prices for everything they buv and this
capital is at once reinvested and our
volume ' of invested money ib thus increased
Wo have room for plenty of money Our
country is bUII in the infancy of its develop
ment , and the situation is not as it would bo
if wo had a surplus of capital I dent think
> uch investments will result in English
monopolies in America Aud the moment
, they take on this character and attempt to
'ratso ' prices American competition will rush
in and crush them American brains and
'jnonoy ranklug capacity are cortalnly equal
'to ' those of the English and I think thnt wo
can hold our own
, Hut will not snch investments cause
1 iutcr-natlonnl complications I
1 "I cannot sco how International complica
tions can uriso from such investments , "
eald Senator Stanford "I do not ,
1 nowovcr , bollcvo in allowing for
1 elgncrs to own largo blocks of
and In the United States
gCNATOU I'lllLCTUS BAWTEIt A U1M11UU Mil
' LI OKA IRG
I . Senator Sawyer of Wisconsin is another
! great capitalist Starting life as a laborer
II J10 now owus millions of dollars worth of
J plno land and lumber mills The fences
I ubout his Texas farms are miles in extent ,
and bo in the possessor of a gold mlno near
I Washington Ho Is a practical business
1 thinker and when I asked him as to the
! | effect of English capital upon Am or lea , bo
1 replied :
" 1 have not thought much on the suoject ,
hut I can see no harm lu Eugland sending us
I ) all the money she has to spare Wo have a
' great country with Immonto resources yet to
I ho uovolopod The money received
fiom these Englishmen will bo
well invcstod by Amoncaus , and
the whole will ho at any rate
hut a drop In the bucket It will bo ab
sorbed by our people ana will tend to our
advantage I do not apprehend that any
international troubles could possibly arise
from It , in the west wo need all the money
wo cuu totaud wo are ready to let Amortcan
brums aud ability take its chances at
eventually controllng any sums which are
sent hero by England "
senator PAnnocK
is Miothor senatorial millionaire Ha tolls
tne thut while ho has given the subject some
thought ho has not as yet formed a settled
Judgment or the probnblo effect of these lit
vestments upon the business , political and
social conditions of the country , Sajs he :
II Indeed the best ovldonco that which
can only bo secured through experience
d is not at present attainable It is
K ouly a few mouths since these largo aoqulsl-
P tious commenced and there has not been suf
I Helen t time for any effects whatever to bet
t experienced , except possibly that of iho ro-
I leasing of considerable laoiil capital hitherto
( I employed in these enterprises and its re-
I placement by the money of thosu foreign
8 purchases , "
I "It U not unlikely that this has operated
I BOmewhat to case the pressure from the in-
9 creased demand upon our homo capital , Inci-
I ilent to the recent revival of business
; • throughout the country If these iuvost-
II uieuts should continue on the enormous scale
there would bo uu equally largo ro-
Iiromisod home capital which would corro-
| tpoudingly increase the volume of the avail
nolo money of the country , almost certainly
advance values generally , nnd not unlikely
cheapen Interest "
Undoubtedly the business field In this
country is too extensive for the capital In the
hands of our pcoplo at the present time ;
and thus in obedience to the Inoxorahlo law
of supply nnd demand our interest nro unl
the cheap money of Europe ns with Its cheap
labor If , therefore , n part of the surplus of
thrco per cent , money of Europe could bo
transferred permanently to these enter
prises , although the proprietorship thereof
should pnss Into foreign hands , I think wo
would bo materially strengthened In our
competitive commercial race with other na
tions If the money once comoi to us , I do
not sco how it can got nwny again , It Is
true the increment In the form of dividends
would go , and yet it is not unllkolv that n con
siderable part of this might bo loft with us in
now Investments "
tub west Nnnns Mossr
"In the west , whore there is so much room
for development nnd whore the Inadequacy
of cnpltnl is sosorlously felt , wo are not only
willing but nnxlous to have these English
people with their money tnko hold with ub
Wo nro building up grout commercial nnd
manufacturing contrcs to supply a country
greater in nrea than all Europe , which Is
developing with unprecedented rapidity Wo
should llko their help nnd wo nro willing to
tulto nil the imaginary chances Incident to
foreign proprietorship In our Industrial en
terprises if they will unlto their capital with
our pluck and our labor for the upbuilding of
our incomparably rich , fcrtllo und prosperous
section "
IIEI'IIESBNTATIVC IIOSWELT V. FLOWER ,
The sclf-snmo millionaire of Now York
snld : "I hnvo no objection to Eoglanu send
ing over hero nil the money she hns to spare
Wo have n great country nnd wo can mo a
lot of monov The English 1 hapnon to know
nro paying very high prices for what thov
got and their Investments will let n largo
amount of money loose to go Into other fields
of development This will lower the rate of
Interest nnd will stimulate enterprise I nm
not afraid of England over getting such n
hold on our industries ns will injure the rela
tions of lnbor and capital in this country and
If they nttempt to ralso uncos or to reduce
wages the competition of trade is such thnt
otlior companies will bo started and they
will be forced to ndapt . themselves to the
condition of the country "
rnOM A IADOH STANIirOIST
The Hon John J. O'Neill represents the
laboring men of St Louts and ho was ono of
the loading aavooates of this clast
when ho was In congress In
speaking of this question bo said Inst
uight : "I cannot sco now such investments
can bo good for thn country Trusts and
monopolies uro always created to increase
the profits nnd to reduce the cost of produc
tion This means reducing wages and reduc
ing the nhmbor of workmen It means nn
increase of the cost to the consumer if possi
ble and It is bad for nil concerned As far as
the English element is concerned I am
opposed on general prlnciplos to any English
invasion of America I am nn Irishman and
nn Irish sympathizer , nnd I especially object
to the English owning largo lots of land In
this country as they do in many of the west
ern states It scorns to mo that such posses
sions nro ovldonco of the Irony of lute The
pcoplo on the other side loavn their homes to
got away from these capitalists and their ox-
nctions They como to the west nnd And
that the land is owned by their old mnstors "
BEKATOIl STOCKD1UDOE 1LLIIST1UTES 1113
VIEWS
Senator Stockbrldgo of Michigan is ono of
the grout capitalists of that Btuto Ho is a
solid business man and has a head packed
full of common sense , Said ho : "I do not
apprehend any danger from the English in
vasion , and I think that the only argument
against it is in the trust or monopoly ele
ment , which would bo bad for us If the In
vestments wore mndo by Americans And
after oil , there is not so much danger in
trusts If a monopoly makes a lot of money ,
others will rusn in nnd compote , and Amer
ican brnms and American capital nro not
going to allow the English to make fortunes _
ut their expense I will givoyou an instance
in a small way as to how the trusts nnd mo
nopolies work There is a big carnage
wheel factory at Kalamazoo , Mich
It is run by the people of tnat city ,
but a largo jiart of the stock has been owned
by coinpanios in Sandusky and Fort Wayne ,
These companies also make carrlaco wheels
They found not long ngo that the Kalamazoo
brauck was hurting their business and they
concluded to buy up the majority of the
stock and abut it down They did buy it
but the Kalamazoo pcoplo organized and said
that if they did not sett back this stock to
them at par they would organize ) another
factory and cut the prices They could do
this as Kalamazoo Is the chief market , for
carriage wheels Thoouuldo companies bad
paid $125 for their stock but they were glad
to soil it to Kalamazoo people at $100.
Another example of trusts was In my
own experlonco , " continued Senator Stock
brldgo "A smart young wngonmaker caino
to mo ono dny and showed mo a drawing
of a rood cart Said ho : This is a
bolter road cart than the ono now in use ,
which sells at a high price I have a patent
on this mnchlno and wo can make it for $3.
If you will advance the money wo will Btart
a factory and put it on the market I know
the man His schema was a good ono I
lout him f 10,000 to start his business and wo
made money from the start The cart which
cost me $8 we sold by the carload for SIS and
at retail for $25. The man paid back the
whole of that $10,000 the first year , and wo
made money right along fur four or five
years Then the other factories saw through
our profits and half a dozen now institutions
were started The profits ran down and tno
carts retailed for $10. I then drew out , and
my man , who had saved a good deal , invcstod
in somothingolsu
The English are paying us high rates for
everything tboy get , " ho coutiiiuod , and I
do not thiuk they will get back 50 cents on
the dollar for what they are paying They
are getting our mon to run their institutions
at high salaries - They will have trouble
with these sooner or later and will have to
mauago their work with Inexperienced
hands The disaster will fall on the Inno
cent purchasers of the Btocks The men
who are getting up companies uro of coikbo
making money You understand how It is
done They pay $100,000 for an establish
ment and stock the company at $150,000 , and
the oxtrn $50,000 goes to the eettors-up of
the companies I happened to know that
some of the establishments in Michigan
which they have been buying have not been
making momey for some time , and that they
have had a bard row to hoe on the American
basis " ,
How about lumber , souator ! "
"I Ttave not heard of a lumber trust , " said
this millionaire plno forest owner When
they are ready to buy lumber mills or plno
lands I will sell them a mill or two , and I
will hope to make enough off them to buy a
house In Washington "
Fhaxk G. Carpentkb
i
In God a Myth ?
Kathle Fernanda
"Is God a myth I"
I uskod the Uovvors , the brooks , the snow
From each the answer ringetb , Not
' "My Godrthy God , is not a myth "
"Is God a myth ! "
I asked the mountains and the vales ,
The oceans and the rlvors ,
High and low ;
Each cried in indignation , "No I
"My God , thy God , is not a myth "
"Is God a mythl"
J asked a little child
( The purest blossom in this world defllod ) .
"I'm ' sure 'tis so "
With wondering look she answered , "No !
"My God , thy God , Is not a myth "
Hut still I doubted
Till the yeura rolled round
And sorrows hand had pressed mo to the
ground ,
And then I found Him
So , as silently the teardrops steal ,
I thank him now that ha is real ,
And Is no myth , .
When you are constipated , with loss
of appetite , houdnche , take one of Dr
J. II McLean's Little
. , LlvorandKid-
noy Plllots They nro plonsnnt to tulto
and will euro you " 5 cents a vial
Sal vim's youngest daughter ( the child of
his brief second marrixgu ) is being educated
at the Suutisslma Annunzlata school in Flor
euco Last year her futher couched her and
her schoolmates for the
prlzo-day perform
ances , and every one wondered at the chil
dren ' s gifts for elocution , Salvinl's married
aaughter has a passion for the stage , but her
father will not allow her to adopt the pro
fession
'
Why dent you try Rod Cross Cough
Drops , 5 couts pur box ,
i
morals in lighter vein ,
WalfB from the World of Wit and
Humor
WANTED , NO ANGELS IN THEIRS
Ulspournglnc Attempt to Ua Honest
In Arlvonn Tlio 1'onipmm Pnrly
Wilted A Mooni In Guns
The Stamp * a tuck
Tlio Socrft of Iter Immortality
C. r. J.tmitnfj In Drakes Magtstne
Mary had n llttlo lamb
You know it long agot
Of coursol Hut why she lasts so well ,
Perhaps you may not know
It followed her to school ono day ,
And browsed about the yard ,
Where Mary lot the chlldrou plav , • '
While she road Urown-Soquard ,
For Mary wns the teacher now ,
And very much afraid ,
Lest those who saw her wrinkled brow ,
Should call her that old tnnld "
Hut cases thnt she road about
Such wisdom did Impait ,
She turned her lambio lusldu-out
To triturate Its licirt ,
Shn doftiy grouud the leans and fats ,
Uilutod It aud hv
PndortnlcnllV took it that's '
Why Mary cannot dlol
Nn Anccls in Theirs
American Grocer : Early lust sum
mer u Now Knglnndor moved out to a
snuiU town in Arizona nnd announced
his intention of opening up n first class
croenry Ho had n number of hills
posted up , dwelling particularly on the
fact that the huslnos3 , wns to ho con
ducted square nnd nbovo board Just
ns ho was getting ready to open shop a
deputation of citizens willed on him and
uskod the newcomot * if the statements
on the placard were made in good faith
You moughtas well give us the hull
truth ubout this thing , " said the loader
You mean tosny there hain't ' going to
bo no water m the vinegar "
"That's whnt I sir "
moan , , ropllod
the stranger , a llttlo surpribod ; nor no
sund In the sugar "
"Ain't they goin'to bo beans in the
coIIooV"
Most decidedly not , sir "
Nor chickory , author ? "
Never , gentlemen , I give you my
word for It "
The crowd scorned nonplussed for a
moment , and the lcador hold n short
consultation , at the end ol which ho
said :
Say , stranger , wove concluded that
you uro a suspicious oharactor But
llrst lot mo ask you IPyqur cigars are
going to bo loaded with cabbage , you
know ? "
Not wh Ho I "
"That's all we wanted to know "Wo
gin you twonty-fourhoui'B to leave town
and you better leave When were in
need o' angels well drop you a postal
card Good-day , stranger , " und the
deputation filed out
The Pompous Party Wilted
Now York Sun : A stout and aggres
sive woman elbowed her way up to the
silver counter at ono ol the big stores
the other day and said pompously to the
cleric , who was waiting at the time on
some ono else :
How much are your toothpicks ? "
"Wo dent keep tliom at this coun
ter , " said the girl ,
The portly and haughty womnnl
crushed the girl , or triodto , with a.look
of scorn , ncd repeated :
"I nskod you how much are those '
toothpicks ? "
The girl waB evidently mystified ,
and replied ngaiu :
"Wo dent keep them hero , madam "
You dent keep them ? Then what
are those ? " exclaimed the woman , with
a haughty gesture toward a httlo vol-
vot-lined box containing a dozen sharp
pointed implements four or five Inches
long
Those madam " said
are nutpicks , ,
the girl , in a cruelly distinct voice
The haughty woman lost herself in
tjio crowd with neatness and dispatch
A Comer in Guns
Drakes Magazine : Clerk in Kansas
hardware store I bee that the authori
ties have ordered a county seat elec
tion
Proprietor Is that so ? When does it
come oft ?
Two weeks from today "
Great Scott ! so soon as that ? Look
here , go right down and telegraph for'a
largo order of guns and ammunition
Tell them to hustle them through doutle
quick County seat elections dent como
every day , and wo must stir our stumps
to clear $1,000 on this one "
The Man With the Coonslcin Cap
Now York Sun : Ono night a year ago
there were half a dozeu of us to go up to
the village hotel in the rickety old bus ,
and • among tlio crowd was a solemn
looicing old chap dressed in very plain
goods and wearing a coonskin cap It
was the typical village hotel landlord Sn
the barroom , a very fresh young man
behind the register , mighty llttlo for
supper , and thnt poorly cooked , nnd
there was moro or less growling The
man with the coonskin cap was treated
very brusquely by the clerk , nnd the
frowsy-headed waiter girl didn't seem
to care whether ho had unythlng to cater
or not Ho didn't say much , but it was
evident that he wits mad
Alter supper the landlord and Coon
skin had a private confab When it
was on dud the old man caraodown stairs ,
opened the front.door , and then turned
to the cleric nnd said :
You git "
What do you mcau ? "
"I have rented this hotel . Sklpl"
The clerk put on his coat and hat und
walked out The "UoonBlcin' ' sent word
to the cook and waiter girl to bo out in
half an hour , and for the harkoopor to
vacate by noon the next day Ho
kindly nllowod ns to stop over night ,
but wo had to get our breakfast at a
bakery By noon the doors of the hotel
were looked up signs of Closed
posted , nnd as wo footed It down to the
dopotho solemn old man thuwed out
Bulllciotitly to observe :
"I'm aflor seven moro of 'om along
this line of railroad , und if I can shut
'om up the publio will ho in my debt
T have figured it out to my entlro satis
faction , and I truly bollovo that throe
fifths of the crlnio in this country is lu-
cltod by poor hololkooplng , "
The Stamps htuolc tn Ills Pate
Savannah News : An amusing inol-
dent occurred in the postolllco yester
day Stamp Clerk Lomcko had Just
sold a natty old gentleman a dollars
worth of " 2s. " The old man was wondering -
doring where to nut them , wiion ho ac
cidentally put his damp flngors on the
sticky sfdo of the stamps and they
began to stick together
Soy how do you keep these things
from sticking ? " ho asked
Rub thorn on your head , " the clerk
ronllod
"Ah , that's a now sohomo , " said the
purchaser of the stamps ; and Jie re
moved his hat and bugau to rub thorn
over his bald head
The longer wo live the moro wo
learn , " ho said Biiilllug , as he allowed
the stamps to Mmnti on his head whllo
ho paid for tudm and put some papers
bncK into his coat pocket The stamps
stuck
There That's " ho said
, now , ,
as ho reached , up nnd trlod to remove
the stamps , JThov were sticking closer
than a brother to the shiny whlto scalp
Ho toro ono of thorn olT , and ho said it
brought thq skin The dorks could
not contain tlromselvos , and the bald
headed old poniletnan slnppod his hat
over his head and hurried olT to got a
shampoo * 1' ' '
Merely'WiiOiiUvlMo Hotel
Louisvlllo 'Courier-Journal ' : There
is an ndvortiseuientof a Loulsvillo hotel
in ono ol the country pnpers which
comes n llttlo nearer scaring away the
rural rooster thnn any ether announce
ment ho could road As a plcco of
Hummcry lu the writing line It is also
a rich , rare and simple This is an extract -
tract :
Notwithstanding the order , pre
cision , nnd stately grace with which
hospitality is dispensed nnd the luxu
riant nnd varied food served to guests ,
the cost is no greater than uthotol for
moro ordinary At the ono moots
only the most refined people In the
spacious and mngnlllcoiit dlning-liall
hundreds of olcgantly caparisoned low
voiced ladies and gentlemen nuiy bo
soon nt table , whoso onso and grace of
mnnttor Indicate thntthoy huvo enjovod
all the ndvantnecs calculated to rclino
and clovato No coarse or boisterous
conversation is heard In all the vast as
semblage of those who congregate In
its hull , that is almost baronial in Its
grandeur The rapid but almost nolse-
lcos stop of the tidy , pollto and atten
tive servants suporinduco the thought
of automatons , ' so regular and noiseless
are their movements These of our
bcBt people who fail to visit this pala
tial homo make a grand mistake ' "
Ttinv Dent Grow In This Country
Washington Post : Wo bollovo wo
have no such chumolsh lawyurs as the
ouo of whom the fatory is told in Loudon
When lie was a youiig man his father
rotlred from practlco , leaving the busi
ness to him Within a week the young
lawyer onmo homo and proudly pro
claimed :
Well , father , I have done In thrco
days what you couldn't do in all the
years of your practice "
What is thut , my son
"I have facttledahnt Nee cstuto case "
Settled it , my son ? Settled it , did
you say ? "
Yes fatherI settled it In thrco days ,
and I could have done it lu ono if the
judge had been at homo "
Young man , " said the nstonished
parent , you are an ass , a consummate
ass Why sir , four generations of your
ancestors have lived on thut cuso niiu
grown rich , and vou nnd your children's
children miglit have done the Same if
you had not been an egregious ass "
N6tilnir ) New
Youths Companion : Unelo Ahi-
moloeh Barnesj regards himself as
dreadfully abused by his wife , Aunt
Amanda , who'seOlds ' him moro or less ,
doubtless with good reason
The other &a $ Aunt Amanda com
plained of being HI , and sent Unelo
Ablinclcch for tjio doctor Tlio physi
cian nrrivod , folb Aunt Amanda pulse ,
and told her toishow her tongue
"Nml''said the doctor , snaking his
head "A pretty bad tongue , Mrs
Barnes ; a vcrj'bpl tongue "
Unelo Abimolcch wriggled a little at
this , and presently managed to get the
physician a llttlo-to ono side
Look a-horoj doctor , " said he , in a
whisper , that dent provo nothin' at
till Sho's-hnd tlie "w . ust1inu of atongue
ever sineo wo was Iparricd ! "
The Kugac'ous Umbrelln
Philadelphia Record : The umbrella
thief is real , ho is in earnest , and ho is
shrewd Only a few days ngo a pugilis
tic individual entered the corridor of a
Philadelphia hotel and rested his all
silk in acornor with this pasteboard
fastened to it :
: The man who owns this :
: umbrella can knock down an :
; ox , and will be back in five .
: minutes :
In ono minute and a half the treasured -
urod article was gone aud In its place
was this :
# • . . . . - • . . - • .
• The gentleman who took ;
; this umbrella can wall : ten :
; miles an hour , and wont be :
; back at all
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . •
Carries Matnuinutics
Hnrpor's Young People : Carrie came
homo from school the ether day rather
depressed about her examination
How did you got on with your ques
tions ? " asked muininu
"I'm not sure of but just onp question ,
but I know I got that right "
What was it ? "
"A man was born in 1811 nnd died in
1883 ; how old was ho ? "
And what was your answer ? ' '
"Oh , I added 1811 und 1883 together
It made an awful old man I gues3 It
must have been Methuselah "
A Inruphrnsr
JJostim Courier
The winter will surely no very severe
And will blasts will sweep in from the
Pole ,
For the hens _ in * a noighborlnir collnr , wo
hoar
This week have been laying in coal
At n Putiliu 1)1 niiit
Time : Mrs Pongee Isn't thnt Mr
Dolllvor nenr the chairman ?
Pongee Yes , my dear
How utterly miserable ho is ! Has ho
boon ill ?
O , no ; ho's all rigjit The poor follow
is booked for a funny speech tonight
Keeping Op the upplv
Dotrolt Trihunq : Proddio G. , aged
five , contractcdihodiablt of eating bis
food very rapidly Repeated scoldings
fulled to correct tjio habit Finally his
mother ono day1 Angrily said :
"Frcddio , what makes you oat so
fast ? " , a "
With a mouthful of food , and without
stopping for nti'SMstant ' in his mastica
tory oporatlon y > the youngster mum
bled : ml
" 'Tause I walat to see what's turning
next , " on -
Hntfihi JuBtiilcil
Munsoy'a We 'iMly : Father ( who hns
taken Johnny 'tb Bee Signor Salvlni )
Johnny , you lrnVd read Shakespeare ?
This is ono of > HiS celebrated plays
Othollo " inniot
Johnny WolUlia.what makes Othollo
tulle in Italian all the time ?
Father Why Othello came from
Venice , didn't ' ho'f
Johnny 'Tilln't that I know what it
ib Othello's , got a scandal ho wants to
keep from the reporters *
. Clinched nt liV r.
Drakes Magazine : Foolhis Oatos
( dogmatically ) No , sir , woman cant
ho comuarod to man lu intellectual ca
pacity ; why , look at the Griggsos , good
blood , related to Mary Andersen , you
know Anybody can see that the men
of the fumlly are smartor'n the women ,
Skeptic Well , ain't Mary Andorsou
a woman ?
Feolhis Qates Why , 'or , yes , of
course ; hut ( triumphantly ) wasn't her
father a man ?
Ono-riilut : Punny
| Somorsvlllo Journal : There is ono
thing that always strikes mo as funny
about your productions , " Baid the editor
to the amateur humorist
"Is that so ? " said the humorist , with
a pleased expression on his face ; and
what is that ? "
Why , that you should think that
they are funny yourself , " said the edi
tor ; and the pleased oxprcsslon van
ished llko ttlrkoy at a newsboys dinner
on Thanksgiving day ,
A Pnrtlnl Victory
Now York Sun : First Bov O , I getaway
away with mother today She tried to
inoko mo como In the house so she
could whip mo , and I wouldn't do it
Second Boy Bully for youl What
did she do ?
"Oh , she whlppod mo , but she had to
como out in the yard to do It "
llo Mode It Klgtit
Uotroit Free Press : A boy nbout ton
years old was yesterday observed to
drop five postage stamps lute ono of tlio
lottbr boxes in the postotllcc , nnd as ho
turned nwava gontlomun asked :
Why did you do thnt ? "
"To make it nil right , " was the reply
How all right ? "
Why , I dropped 11 vo lcttors in here
yesterday without any Btamps on Wo
oo business lu chattel mortgnges , but
we never try to boat a postolllco "
A SuggcHtlon
Well , sir , - " said the railway superin
tendent'to a forlorn looking man who
hud gained admittance to his pt-osonco ,
what do you want ? "
"I would like a situation on your
road "
"No plnco for you , I think "
But there is ; I wnnt to bo Inter
preter ' '
" ' '
Interpreter ?
Yes sir ; to toll tho-passongors what
the braicemnn says when ho is calling
out the names of the stntlftns "
The superintendent studtod a few
minutes aud then told the man to call
luter
On n Wroim Tnck
Washington Post : A small boy up on
Thirteenth street was hoard gravely
mumbling over n single sen ton eo ono
Sunday recently His mother caught a
word or two and drew near to catch the
whole , Why , son , " said she , gasping ,
what ? "
are you saying
Why , my Sunday school teacher told
us to member the text of the sermon ,
and I'm saying It over so as to member
it Pronounce the devil of the Baptist
church ' "
It took the good lady five minutes to
iigut-o out the real text It was : Renounce
nounce the devil and all his works "
Dent buv trashy imitations Got the
gouuino Red Cross Cough Drops
m
SlNGUIiAltrtlHS
Walter Williams has Just killed n pure
white muskrat on Dennis crock meadows ,
Pa
Pa.At
At Williamsport , Md , Is a maple trco thnt
has a full Crop of green leaves , whllo every
one of its neighbors Is dry und leafless
The deepest bored hole in the world is In
Schladenbac ' n 5,7114 feet It took a diamono
drill thrco jcars and a half to reach the bet
tom
tom.Babies
Babies born with tooth nro becoming nu
merous in Ohio A Now Lisbon woman has
nb.ibc that bad two fiont teeth before it was
a dny old
As Peter Bauer of PottavlllP , wae open
ing a largo oyster a strange fish flipped out
It had eaten part of the oyster It had the
head of a catfish
The Sandwich Islanders ' pipe Is made of
virgin cork lined with meorsebnum and ib
curious by reason ol the pattern on the cork
made by the insects that feed upon the tree
It is like delicate lace work
A duck belonging to a Rockland , Mo , man
was frozen into a pond the other night nnd
was found in the morning with just her head
out of thn Ice , The ice was broken and the
duclc freed , apparently none the worse for
her night out
A Beaver Falls man says ho caught a rat
by placing an apple core with a string tied
to it near ttie rodents hole Then he waited
and watched until the rat came out and
swallowed the core , string and all Tbo
nian then pulled on the s'ring and killed the
rat
rat.Situated
Situated on the farm of Scott West , in the
town of Payette , Me , nro two living sprlncs
only a few rods apart , but on opposite shops
of u water shed Kills running indifferent
directions from these respective springs
traverse each a distance of moro thnn fifty
inilps before they reach the same destination
Goliath , " one of the bigg03t trees of Cal
fornlo , is a solid tree measuring twenty
three feet through nt the ground , twenty
foot at five feet above the spreading base ,
and seventeen feet still higher up It has
been estimated that its weigh is 100,000 tons ,
nnd that it would make 1,500,000 feet , board
measure , of clear lumber , the blanches top
nlllng up 100 cords of wood
There Is a curiosity along the Fairmont ,
Morguntown & PlttBburg railroad , about six
miles above town , worth noticing , says the
Morgnntown , Pa , Post Two sycamore
trees , standing nbout ton feet apart , are
joined together by a limb fifteen inches in
diameturand its ' dollars to doughnuts which
tree it started to grow from They are the
only Siamese twins In this vicinity
A young man in I3ovvdoinhain , Ale , recently -
cently set a box trap beside a brook for the
purpose of catching a mink ho had socn la
the vicinity many times Ho baltod the
spindle of the trap with meat Soon after
ho had set tno trap a heavy rain set in , which
caused tbo brook to rlso over the ground
where the trap was placed After the water
had subsided BOmewhat ho went to look aflor
the trap aud found it wns Rtill where ho had
set It , but it was sprung Thinking ho hud
caught the ml nit ho carefully pecked in , but
in.itead of a mink bo found u trout about
fourtcon inches long
IMPIISTIISd
In missionary land they novcr ask , "Is the
prenchor through ! " They say , "Is bo
donol'1
A Uninbridgo girl writes to ask what a
demi-train is , It is almost what a man says
when ho muxes a train
When a tract distributer says oil men will
ho lost who do not bellove as ho does ho
should bo made to retract
"Ma , tbo minister is coming " What
makes you think sol Do you see himl"
"No ; but I saw pa take the parrot and lock
it up in tbo stable "
"My friend , " said a clorgyraan to a weary
looking stranger , "do you want to go to
henvon ? " Not now , thank you I'm an
editor , you know , and haven t any time to
Bpare "
Mr Wickwlro , do you notfeolthatyou are
ready to enter the church ! Wlckwiro I
would have done so long ago , hut 1 bate to
deprive rav wife of the satisfaction of pray
ing for mo ovary Thursday evening
Minister I am surprised to sco you skat
ing on tbo holy Sabbath , my youug mau
The Sunday school is the proper place for
you Small boy Ob , that's all right ; I'm
going to stop In time for that
Uov Dr Discord Why , dear Jack , I am
glad to sco you You are looking so well
Whnt have you been doing ! Jack Scraggs
Pitching for a league club at Ki,000 a year
What uro you doing ! Discord Preaching
tor u cuapoi ut > uu a yean
Rev ; Mrs Poorlypald If you want me to
fix your trousers , darling , you'll have to go
down town aud buy some buttons Uov Mr
Poorlypald O , that's ' a needless expense ,
my dear I am going to take up a collection
for foreign missions tomorrow
A lady says that she hoard a colored
preacher say : "Do fo' part of do bouso will
please sit down ; fo' do hind part cannot sco
do fo' part if do fo' part persist in standing
bofo' do bind part , to do uttah obsclusion of
do hind part by da fo' part
Young Miss Wilgus Where nro you going ,
papal Una Uov Mr Wllgns To the tem
perance mooting Wo Intend to Inaugurate
u movement to save the young men of the
country Young Miss Wilgus Try and
save a real nice ono for tno , will you , papa
dsarl
Cozzens hotel , $1.60 aud 2.00 per day
MAX MEYER & BRO
Will sell for the next 10 days , at the Lowest
Auction Quotations , all of the stock left of our
retail department Some of the most desira
ble goods in
Diamonds , Watches , Jewelry , Art Good
Bronzes , Clocks , etc , etc
Remember the opportunity will last but 10
days only Store for rent and Fixtures for sale
MAX MEYER & BRO *
Cor 16th and Farnani Streets
SET OF TEETH ON RUBBER -
For Five Dollars ,
DR R. W. BAILEY , Dentist ,
Paston Block , 16tli and Parnain Streets
"TT7" A TT and having within the past two
0 . „ * yfrv Q + QTr
W C XV.XU XltJltJ LU Dii < Xy months largely inoreased our
office room , are now better prepared to turn out the best class or
work , and much more rapidly than heretofore We make a full sot
ofteeth on rubber for FIVE DOLLARS , guaranteed to be as wol
made as plates sent out of any dental olfico in this country Do not
let others influence you not to come , but make us a call and see for
yourself
Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIN , and without using chloroform
gas , ether or electricity Filling at lowest rates Remember tlio lo
cation DR BAILEY , Dentist , Paxton Block .
Open evenings until 8-o'clock Take elevator ou 10th Hlieet 10th aud Fnruain
Cut this out Mention thtBpnper
L. M. PICCARD ,
$4.00 Hpfig ) $4.00
Best Gold Spectacles Reduced
S4.00
Bamge Block , Corner 15th and Harney Streets ,
Omaha
WOODS
pSlj ce Tools
WEGAHRYa GOMPLETESTOOK
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE AND PRICES >
JAMES MOKTOET & SON , Agents
Telephone 437. 1511 Doage St
Dewey & Stone ,
Furniture Company
A magnificent display of everything userul and ornamental in the
furniture makers art at reasonable prices
etchings2S tf4 % lf % BB eri.MKKS0N : ,
ENGRAVINGS , _ 3 J M M M W OM KT QiTHALLUT & DAVIS
ARTIST SUPPLIES K0 MB fSVKIMUALL ,
MOULDINGS , . J6S Ullill H O-PIANOS&ORGANS
FRAMES . W$0 ra-SIIEET MUSIC
1513 Douglas Street , Omaha , Nebraska '
,
EC J ± . KH3STlTH3-Sfr ,
CXHCTltlCAL . r.NG3MiK AM ) CON t JMCITOIC ,
JtEl'llCSlSNTlNO CIUCAOO OIT1C15
Brush Electric Company
Cstlmntcs and pluns fnrnUlied Correspondence solicited , J
832-833 . Y , , . .
- N. Lifo-Builalng - - - - - Omaha
CLOTHING
"
WAH CHONG ,
Importer ot all kinds ot
Chincse& Japanese Fancy Goods
Bilk Handkerchiefs Ivory Toys , Screens , fancy
Chlnaware c
A XVUa UNM OF TKAB AND COFFUUS
116 North 16th St , - Omaha , Neb
The Boys ' Holiday
The best Youtk'i Paver Krer Publlibed ,
Will Be Out Jan 7th.
Kxauiluetlie r1r t Number ,
l'ort&le br all nowxtealori I'llICK 5 CcnU
ooSat SPENCER OTIS , *
Ueehaulcal Knelocer tfvt DraUiman , Couplets
Iirawtuift , t i > aclttcattonf and Uuiterliitendauop , far
Kieralora Minis KaU rli' , ur Special JlarUlQOrj ,
Traciugt and Ulue I'rlnu rurnliliel ,
1'ATKNT UFtlCU WOUK A btKCIAlTlf
I
MAX GEISER ,
Importer of and Dealer In All Kinds or
Birds , Fish mill to Minis
BIRD CAGES , FOUNTAIN AQUAR
IUSIS , SI1I2LLS , ETC
IMPORTED BIRD SEED ASPECIAL TY
417 S. 15th St
OMAHA - NEB
- - CHICHESTCR'8 ENGLISH
PENNYROYAL PILLS
TEn ncc cross diamond snano
t Vsl Bare , im ud klwtji rtlUblt J aiet , B.I ,
Iff l > mir < Ut br illamMil llranil.ia r4 mullli
M uu * . m U4 villi Mim rltit a. Take • allien
B H.4id 4c. { itpo ( or j.irUi l r < ml "lftll r frl
ft Iff i TV" ' : % " • ijftfrm mall * • Mwa
/ utiicbuurciicuCv , uuitjtram.i < *
ManhnnH Restored
lYldnnOOQ curftTA,5is , ;
cii lnif rrrmitura lrar , jfertpiu PrUUtjr , Uxl
> Uuhood , dc , having trtud In vato rrry knon n rf m
dr haa dlmxrorwl a tlmiila infanit-r.rle mre , Htklt
ha will mihI ( mMi rIlliK to hli MIow-auffMari.
Addrcii Jll \ tf.o. . IKia8aM.NawYoi-kt.1tr.
Bufferlni from ( La eaecU ofjrouthfiU error * , rarlr
decay , wutUuir vri'aknnu , lott tuaubood , clc I will .
aeml > aluuble treatlae waled *
a ( ) containing Cult -v
particular * for liomo euro rilKU or rbarae A A
Mdeadld medical work i thould be read by every
knitn who | i nerrmia and debilitated Xddrea * . .
vrot lc I'owia' iirtiooauscuiiu /
• ffclC ? M ICNE3S CUNEDWhAiru
B aMlaf BMal.unfctaradUUacll , . Canruubla ,
l tCM r l wbc re elOttoieaifi r iu llluilrtua to k ft proofl
fox * . AaartuueaU aJrUUQOX M raaaajNX' .
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