* \ !
THJE OMAHA DAIIA BE1L : SUNDAY , NOVEMBER 3. 3889. PAGES. ri
* * is
GRAND OPENINGis
ALL DEPARTMENT ;
Tue
Grand Opening of New Novelties
In MILLINERY
INSPECTION INVITED.
Handkerchiefs.
Bargai ns extraordinary in Our Hand
kerchief Department.
200 clozdn Manufacturer's seconds ,
slightly imperfect , tit greatly reduced
prices.
76 do/on Ladies' Linen Lawn Hand
kerchiefs , hemstitched , fast colors , good
value for 15e , at Oo each.
60 do/en Ladies' Sheer Lawn Hand
kerchiefs , at 121 c ; worth 20c.
CO dozen Gonts'all Linen Hemstitched
Handkerchiefs , colored borders , worth
20c , for 12Jo each.
CO tlo/.cn Gents' Linen Handkerchiefs ,
hemstitched , fast colored borders , for
2Oo ; worth Me.
Drapery Nets.
Wo are giving a special mile this week
in Black and Evening Drapery Nets.
40-incli wide pure Silk Nets at $1.25
yard ; worth 81.75 yard.
60-inch fancy Chenille Drapery Net ,
in cream , at 83.5O yard.
23 doxon Embroidery Mull Ties , worth
20c , special price 13c each.
20 do/on Stamped Pillow Shams , only
2Oo pair. I
Hosiery Department.
Items of interest to the Ladles :
50 do/on All Wool Cubhmo-o Hose nt
26o a pair ; worth ! 55e.
60 doxcn Boys' Heavy Bicycle Hose ,
guaranteed fast black , sizes 7 to 10 , ut
26o a pair.
Ladiea' Jersey Fitting Vests , war
ranted non-shrinking , in white only , at
75o ; worth 81.00.
Ladies' Jersey Fitting Arosts , Aus
tralian wool , in white and natural , ut
$1.25 , drawers to match , $1.60.
Gents' Furnishings.
Specials in our Gents' Furnishing De
partment this week.
100 doxon Derby Ribbed Half Hose ,
full weight , in all shades , at 25oa pair ,
cheap atlOc. .
50 do/en Cashmere Half Hose , assor
ted colors'seamless , good value for U5c ,
at 25o a pair.
Men's Natural Gray Underwear , all
styles , shirts and drawers , at 86c each ,
uould be cheap at $1.
Dr. Warner's Health Underwear ,
Camel's Hair , winter weight , at 85.OO
n suit. .
Orders from.
an.cl 2aoperl3r ; : Filled. 1037-
- THE SILENTMEN OFTHE EAST
How They Shave in the Backwoods
of Asia.
TAKE IT OUT BY THE ROOTS.
Mr. OnrpiMitur'd Itcmcli Kvnorinricc
AVitli u Toiisorlul Artist in Kjtypt
How Hair Mnkun u Man
In Korea.
Harbors of ti ! < ! Orient.
\CopurlaM1SS \ ! ) . ]
The greatest shavers in the world are
the Chinese. Every week tit least one
hundred million almond-eyed faces must
bo cleaned by the ra/.or , and every ten
days the hair is scraped from the scalps
surrounding at least that number of
long , black Chinese pig-tails. The bar
bers constitute ono of the most im
portant parts of the Chinese population.
They have tholr guilds and tholr trades-
unions , and , sonio j'cars ' ago they
brought the cmpoior himself to his
knees. There was an edict In force that
classed the barbers with lowest ranks
of the Chinese people , and that
prohibited them from entering
the competitive examinations forolllcial
rank. The barbers struck , and de
manded that this bo rescinded. For
ovoral weeks the whole Chinese nation
( vent unshavod. The black hair
sprouted out to the length and stillness
of the bristles of "the Berkshire hog , and
a wail of anguish rose from the throats
of millions of Chinese man. Public
opinion has its weight in Chilians in
America , nnd the emperor came to
terms. Now a barber's son may become
viceroy of China , and it Is not an im
possibility that a barber himself should
P aspire to bo minister to the United
r States.
The Chinese pig-tail is a badge of
servitude. A little more than throe
hundred years ago the Chincbo prided
themselves on tholr long , black hair ,
which covered the whole of their heads.
When they were conquered by the Man-
ohus , who rushed in from the north ,
their conquerors imulo thorn shave their
heads ns a sign of submission. Shaved
heads became the fashion , and now ,
even the Manchus themselves wear bald
scalps. The Chlnunmn has become
I'uoun or IIIH THI-TAII , .
Ho braids false hair into it to make it
longer , and pieces it out with black
silk thread. Ho oils It until it shines
like polished jot , and he lets this
greasy , black snake hang down upon
and soil the most delicate of yellow and
sky-bluo silk gowns. Ho has his hair
restorer just as has the American dude ,
and It may ho of advantage to some of
our bald-headed men to know that u fat
rat diet is supposed , in China , to bo
conducive to hair growing. I nwkod
my Chinese servant , while traveling
through to Peking as to the price * of
shaving. Ilo told mo that in the in
terior you could got a slmvo for a cent ,
and that the prices rose according
to the wealth of the cubtomor.
"Mandarins , " said he , "often luuo
harbors connected with their yamens ,
and the swell Chinaman is slmvod in
his own residence. Ninety-nine hundredths -
drodths of the shaving is , however ,
done on the street , and the harbor's
whole outtlt costs lost than $3. His
razor , which is in the shape of a trian
gle , can bo bought for from 5 to 10 cents.
The strop , made of cotton or leather ,
costs about a nickel , and his brass ba
sin is less than a dollar. Ho has two
little stools painted red , without backs ,
upon which his customers sit bolt up
right while they are being shaved.
These stools have drawers below them
in which his shaving utensils are car
ried , and ho goes with them hanging to
the ends of a pole , balanced over his
bhoulders _ , from" place to place , an
nouncing his presence by an immense
tuning forlf , about ten inches long ,
which he pounds against the stools
from time to time. Ho uses no soap ,
and often
SHAVJ-.S WITH couVATIK. : .
Chinese women Ubually drebS their
own hair. They paint their faces and
blacken their eyebrows , pulling out the
hairs in order to make the arch like
that of a rainbow.
The heads of Chinese babies arc often
shaved , nnd , in Japan , you can loll a
baby's ago by its hair. The fu// is
shaved from the bcalp of the Japanese
infant as teen as it is born ; when it
grows to the ago of u certain number of
months a ring of hair is allowed to re
main surrounding the bald oasis of the
crown. A few months lutor a little tuft
is blocked out in the center of the oasis ,
and a palm-treo liico wisp grows upon it.
Then other little wisps are allowed
to como clo > vn under the oar , and , at
last , the hair is grown all over the head.
This shaving of the head makes the
hair very stiff , and the Japanese has his
head covered with still , black wires.
Ho looks as if his head were one gigan
tic cowlick , and ho has this crop to the
length of about ono inch. The old
fashion of shaving a strip from forehead
to crown , and of wearing the hair long ,
and doing it up on thu edge of this bald
strip in the shape of an old-fashioned
door-knocker , is being done nwny with
in the cities , and you lind itonly in back
counties , and in those who pride them
selves on belonging to the old regime.
Black or dark Vrown is the common
color of the hair of the oabt. A white-
haired Jap or a yellow-haired Chinese
would got into ' the dime museums , and
both nations' look upon red as the color
of the head of the devil. There ia a
tradition In Japan that the man who
drinks too much miki , or Japanese
brandy , acquires a redness of hair , and
1 found that
JIY ur.o m.u : > cAUhii : ) jiuon I.AUOH-
As I traveled through the country. The
glrlet would nudge each other and whis
per "suki , suki , " as they walked behind
mo , and now anA then a Japanese hood
lum would point to my head nnd rnol
along nu though _ ho wore drunk. The
common appellation for the foreigner
in Japan and China is "Rod-headed ,
blue-eyed , Foreign Devil , " and as I
ilttcd into this description I was , I
doubt not , the bcaro-crow of the chil
dren of nt least two nations.
The Japanese girln are wonderfully
beautiful , and their hair would make
that of a Washington hello turn green
with envy. Yum Yum soaks her locks
in the perfumed oil made from the seed
of the camolin. She has them dros&od
by a professional hair-drossor , at the
extravagant coat of " 0 cents a time , and
she does this in her pretty little houbo ,
open at the street , to that the passer
by can , if ho will , inspect the whole
operation. She is very modest , but
she is not at all particular as to whether
her drebs is docolletto or not during the
operation. When it is done she has
her fuco powdered and enameled , her
eyebrows are painted , and bho
has as sweet a mnllo us can bo
shown by her BOX in any country
of the world. The most of her beauty ,
however , disappears with maidenhood.
When she is married she shaves ol )
Black SilkDep't.
05 patterns , from It to 20 yards each ,
loft from our "Great Black Sllic Sale , "
to be closed out from 6Oo to OOo yd ;
actual value 31 to $2 per yard. Come
early and secure a pattern.
Wo open Monday ono case , 72 pieces
Black Silks , all the latest and most de
sirable weaves.
Full line of Black Silk Dress Velvets
in our Silk Department.
Linens. Idneus.
Wo have just received our novelties
in Luioii for the Fall and Holiday sea
son. Wo can safely say they nro the
handsomest over shown in the city.
Lunch Sets from 82.50 to $95.
Reception Sots from $8 to 665.
Tray Cloth from 65o to $4.
Side Board Scarfs from 36o to $9.6O.
Doylies , Fancy Towels , Carving
Cloths , Napkins , Counterpanes , In every ,
variety and design.
Special Sale.
Muslins , Sheetings ,
Cotton Flannel.
1 case Lonsdalo Muslin , SJo.yaru.
45-inch Pillow Case Mns.lin. lOo yard.
1 case Unbleached Cotton Flannel , 5c
yard.
All of our Muslins and Sheetings have
been reduced fur this grand bale. Now
is the time to prepare tor your winter
sewing.
her eye-brows and blackens her tooth ,
and this eye-brow shaving and teeth
blacking is ono of the most disgusting
of the old customs in Japan. The omp-
rebs and the Indies of the court arc dis
couraging it , and its days are probably
numbered. It originated. I am told , in
the desire of the husband to show that
she cared nothing to make herself at
tractive to others after she was married ,
seeming to lose sight of the fact that
she might make herself disgusting oven
to her husband. It is on the same prin
ciple that widows shave their heads
in Japan , and that old maids
shave off their oyo-brows in order
to' show that they have glvon up nil
hope of marriage. Suppose every old
maid in the United States should put
her forehead into the hands of the bar
ber to-morrow , think what a havoc the
ugliness produced would cause in the
families owning the eighty thousand
odd unmarried girls in Massachusetts.
Siam is the
TAND OK TUB SIIORT-HAIKUD ( URL.
All of the women of this country wear
their hair from one to two inches long ,
and their locks stand up like black or
gray bristles out from their cream-col
ored faces. A Siamese buttercup of
sixteen , with her plump , yellow cheeks ,
her bright black eyes , and her lithe ,
symmetrically formed frame , loosely
clad in the Siamese sarong , is a beauty ,
notwithstanding that her blr.ek hair is
short , and that her teeth are reddened
with betel-nut chewing. She is
as straight as an arrow
and as graceful us a gazelle
and her Jmir makes you thinic
of the saucy nugo boy of the stage. Take
the same girl thirty years later. Her
plum ] ) ohcotts are sunken , her chcpk
bones stand out and her jet black eyes ,
full and lifeless , look out of hollow
sockets. The skin of her forehead is
stretched with wrinkles like the cor
rugations of a wash board , and over
this stands out this short white or gray
hair. Her mouth has been discolored
and spoiled with betel-nut chewing ,
and her collar bono is the frame upon
which the parchinont-liko skin of her
person seems to hang. The old women
of Slam are the homeliest old women in
the world , and if ono married a Siamese
girl ho would need to keep a barrel of
Brown-Sequurd elixir on hand. This
aging U most rapid in the lower classes ,
where thq work is hard and the customs
of the people tend to make old ago
como qnleklv.
Thuchlldron of Siam have their heads
shaved withlho exception of a lock on
the crown. This is not allowed to bo
touched until they reiicd manhood , and
the ceremony of cuttfng it off is ono of
the trrontest events of the cmild's life.
The hair cutting of u prince belonging
to the royal family costs thousands of
dollars. A great feast is given and the
barber who docs the work receives a
valuable present. Ho clips the locks
with golden shears and shaven th6 spot
with a gilded razor. When the heir
apparent to the throne is shaved in this
way the whole nation rejoices , There
is a grand festival at Bangkok , in
which the royal whlto elephants
take purl and feasting goes on
for days. Poorer children have
this hair-cutting done nt a Buddhist
temple , and the priest acts us barber ,
The Buddhist priests all over the cast
shave their heads , and there are 20,000
bnro-pated priests in Bangkok alone ,
All of the males in the kingdom are
supposed at some time in their lives to
become priests , and everywhere you go
you boo thosebure-hoadeu , bald-headed ,
yellow-skinned anatomies stalking
about , with yellow shoots wrapped
around their otherwise naked frames.
The Burmese are
I'UOUl ) OK THUIIl LONO JIAIIS
and both women and men Idt their locks
Dress Goods Dep't.
Barr's is undoubtedly headquarters
for Paris Novelty Dross Goods. A
special display will bo mnrto this week
of all the most novel mid extreme styles.
Placing orders direct as wo do with the
manufacturers enables us to undersell
all competition , as those goods are
usually bought from jobbers at mi ad
vance of 16 Of 2O per cent. Buy direct
and save the middleman's profit.
Fur Trimmings Dep't.
Our line of Fur Trimmings is now
complete.
Black Coonoy , 5 inches wide , at $1.25
yard ; and inches \ wide for 660 yard.
Groy Fox , 3 inches wide , worth $1.25
yard , special price 75o yard.
Beaver , Black Coonoy , Groy Fox and
Monkey will bo very sty.ish this season.
Flannels. Cloakings.
Our Flannel Dopnrtmontis admitted
ly the most complete in the city , with all
the latest Paris and London novelties of
the season , in the finest qualities , and
lowest prices. Wo have just received
an elegant line of French Flannels with
Persian border , the latest novelties for
tea gowns. '
Examine qur now stock of plain and
fancy checkfld Eider Down and Jersey
Striped Flannels.
See our nowlcioths and Cloakings , in
English Beuv&r , Scotch Plaids , and the |
now FronchlCloakingsin w von figures ,
positively the latest thing in the mar
ket.
grow as long'as they will. They are
very superstitious as to the day for
washing the head , and they consider it
unlucky to wash the head on Mondays ,
Fridays or Saturdays. They will not
cut tnoir hair on Mondays or Fridays
nor on their birthdays , and , as the
birthday of the Burtnan comes once a
week , many of the people are restricted
to four days for hair cutting. They
have many superstitions in regard to
their hair , and this is the samq in
China and Korea. It is a legend in
China that no thick-haired man has
over hold the place now occupied by
by Li Hung Chang. The Chinaman
thinks that the man with a small head
and long hair will die poor , and that
the man whoso hair turns whlto while
ho is young will bo haunted by bad
luck. A woman whoso hair is glossy ,
whoso face is round and plump , may
possibly become the wife of the emperor -
poror , and the man with long eye
brows will live to be a hundred.
I did not see any barbers in Korea ,
and , as the people wear their hair long ,
there is probably no demand for thorn.
The average Korean moustache is like
the old joke gotten oil on that of the
dude's : "It is like u base ball game ,
having nine hairs on each side , and ono
in the middle for umpire. " If the
Korean has any board it is thin and
straggling , and as a rule his whole
strength , like that of Samson , goes into
his hair. The boys of Koreadress their
hair like the school-girls of America ;
they part it in the middle and wear it
in long braids down their backs. They
are not considered men.until they are
married , and it is at this time they
are permitted to wind up their hair
into a knot on top of their head and put
it under their hats. Ono of the most in
significant and contemptible specimens
of manhood in the far east is a Korean
boy of forty , with his nulr parted in the
middle , trailing in a braid below his
waist. Ho is kicked around ns though
ho wore six , because ho has as yet got
no wife
TO MAKi : A MAN OF HIM.
The Koreans save the combings of
their hair , and the parings of their
nailr ) , in orderthat they may bo buried
with them when they die.
In India o'vo'rything runs by caste ,
and the barbiirs rank with the washer
men and blacksmiths. A barber's son
is always a biirbor , and a barber's
daughter is uro to marry a barber.
The Indian barber , like the Chinaman ,
travels fronmhouso to house to do his
shaving. IfoMemrloH all his tools
under Ills arm1Hvrappod up'n a cloth ,
when ho shn\es ; his customers , ho makes
him squat dnjvty on his heels and bend
over his houy , i He then squats down on
his own hoelb in front of him , and the
two , without chair or stool , do the busi
ness in the most primitive ) manner. lie
usually Hhuv'od'wuh ' cold water , and he
is a municurj ) ab well as a barber. No
Hindoo shatytuilmsolf , and few Hin
does pure thotivown nails. The barber
in expected to' take the gray hairs out
of your head , eyebrows and mustache ,
and like his Chinese brother , he pays
attention to cleaning the oars and to
shaving the face , even to the corners of
the oj'os. A high-priced barber in
India gels from 81,25 to $2 a month per
family. An ordinary shave costs from 1
to 2 cents , and a lir&t-clnss hair
cut is given for1 from 1 cent to u.nickel.
It is quite customary in the east for the
families to shuyo their heads when thny
go Into mourning , and in .Slum wh'-'ii ' a
king dies all the people in the country
are supposed to cut oil their hair an
close that their pates are as clean as a
billiard ball. The head of the corpse is
shiivod in India , and , while watching a
body being cremated at Hpnnrca , I wiw
about a half bushel of human hair lying
on the btono stops , no * , f'zr from the tiro.
Black Goods.
Wo offer this week some special bar
gains in French Novelties.
25 Robes all wool French Serge , with
white border , at 87.6O ; worth $10.
16 Roboa extra heavy English Serge ,
with pray border (89 ( ; worth $12.60.
17 Paris Robes elegant styles and
finest quality , sold by us for $25 and $10 ! ,
your choice this week for $18.76.
Don't ' buy Black Goods until you BOO
Burr's. '
Family Mournings a specialty.
Glove Department :
.Tust opened a now line of Children's
Kid Mittens with fur wrists just the
thing to keep the little ones warm.
Spoeial prices this week G5c. 76o and
81.00.
Ladies' and Children's Cashmere
Gloves , black and colored , full line at
all prices.
Our now line of Knit Mittens is the
finest over shown in Omaha , in every
shade , in all wool , in all silk , and in
silk and wool , in sixes for Infants , Chil
dren , Misses ana Ladies.
Be sure you see those goods at Barr's.
Ribbons.
Latest Novelties. Handsome fringed
Sashes , four yards lonpr $4.25 , a bargain
worthy ol inspection.
The greatest variety of shades in the
icity in Gros Grain Satin Edge No. 9 ,
15cporyard.
A splendid ribbon for fancy work. Sat
in and Faille No. 12 , 20o per yard. In
all widths and shades.
I asked where it came from and my
guide told me it had just been cut from
the heads of the friends and relatives ol
the deceased. The Indian barber is a
surgeon as well as a shaver. Ho bores
the holes in the girls' cars and pierces
their noses for the nose ring. Ilo often
acts fib
A I'KOrr.SSIOKAIi MATCHMAKER ,
and his wife is a ladies' hair dresser.
She trims the nails of the bride for wed
dings. and takes off the line clothes of
the widow , and dresses her in her
funeral garments. 1 had these Hindoo
barbers moot mo at every station in
India , and thay wore always within call
at the hotels.
I snail not soon forgot a shave and
huir-eutting which I suffered in upper
Egypt. The execution took place in the
city of Sioot , about three hundroed miles
above Cairo. The seat was a plain btool.
The barber was n dirty Turk , in : i red
turban and a white gown , and ho lirst
chopped off my hair with a pair of sheep
sheers , pulling it and sawing it at
every cut. Several times ho nar
rowly escaped my oars , and I was
trembling as though I had the ague
when ho began upon mo with his razor.
I had dismissed my guide , and I did not
know enough Egyptian to toll him that
I could dispense with the shaving. lie
used no boap , and ho wet my beard with
cold water from a polished brass basin ,
out of one side of which had been cut a
sort of half-moon hole. Ho fitted this
hole into my neck so that my head hung
over the basin , like that of John the
Baptist on the charger , and then
splashed the water up over my face
with his uromalio hands. When ho
thought I was sulllciently drowned , lie
jerked my head back against his bosom
uiiU hold it there while ho scraped and
sawed and
TOIU5 MY IlKAltD KHOM 3IY KACJI.
I never know that there wore so "many
hairs in my beard before , and when Igo't
through 'my cheek looked like
the nkin of a sheep when
its wool hay boon cut off by an amateur
shearer. I am not sure whether the
charge was ) ! or'fi cents , but it was the
dearest shave 1 over had , and as for my
hair I had to have it rocut as soon as 1
got to Cairo. The Turkish barbers are
about the same as the Egyptian , and
there is in reality no place in the world
whore you can trot so good a shave as in
America. Shaving in Europe IB cheap ,
but in few countries yon will find the
luxury of the reclining eliair , and as for
such palaces as the barber shops of our
big cities , they are unknown , A ton-
boriul parlor , like that of the Pnlmor
house , in Chicago , the walls of which
are lined with plate-glues mir
rors , and in the lloor til
ing of which are sol five hundred
gonnino silver dollars , would bo u curi
osity in Pokin , Constantinople , Cairo ,
PnriH , or London , and wo have harbor
shops in St. Louis , Onmhn and ICiuihus
City which surpass anything in Europe.
Wo boat the world on Turkish baths.
and I got a bath in Denver a few days
ago which waa more nulntial and luxu
rious than anything 1 saw in the famed
city of the Bultan. I took a fawim in a
marble nonl as big as a city lot , and I
WHS rubbed down by a white man whoso
akin was like marble and whoso frnmo
was as symmetrical as Michael Angelo's
famed statute of David ,
FitAKK G. C'
Ilfttcr nml Jlrlicr.
New York Sun : McCracklo Didn't
you tell mo that Maddox belonged to the
bettor element of boclcty ?
McCorklo Yes.
"Well , I've Keen him coining out of
gambling places bovoral times. "
"Yes ; ho goes there to bet. That's
what I paid. "
GRAND OPENING EXHIBIT
Superb Novelties in CLOAKS
Wraps , Jackets , Three Quarter Length Tailor Coats , Russian
Moskowas , and Ulsters , on Monday and Tuesday. We hope to
see you and all your friends at
BARR'S CLOAK DBPT.
Colored Silk Dep't.
We Imvo just received a shipment of
Lttlo Full Novelties , comprising plain
and fancy Silk Fabrics. The moat
clioico production of European looms.
( Wo invilo the Indies of Ointihii and
vicinity to visit our Silk Dopurtmont.
Beautiful line of Pineapple Silk
Gauges , the most sheer and' exquisite
party silk in the market.
Blankets & Comforters
White Blankets at $1.75 ; worth $2.25.
Willie Blaiikots at $3 ; worth S4.00.
Fine all wool Blankets at $5'OO.
Comforts at 81 , $1.36 , 61.5O , $1.75.
Elder-Down Comforts $ < 3 , 07 and
Art.
This Department in now complete in
all its details , full lines of materials and
now novelties in fancy work for the Hol-
lidays.
SAYINGS OF THE FUNNY MEN ,
Waifs From the World of Wit and
Humor.
EDITOR CLUGSTON'S DEFINITION.
Troubles of the Oyster A. Veteran
From West Point Sure Cnro
For Colds Unton'H Cul
tured Attractions.
How a Great Min Blinds Knowledge.
Chicago Tribune : "Mr. Clugston , "
buid that gentleman's assistant editor ,
thrusting his head into the 0x10 sanc
tum , "hero's a note from 'inquirer , '
who wants to know , through our 'An
swer to Correspondents , ' the meaning
and derivation of the word 'Sweden-
borgian. ' "
The editor of the Doodlovillo Yelpcr
laid aside for a moment the detailed
description he was writing of the 74-
pound squash that Farmer Isnoggles , of
Woodblock township , had brought in.
Ho raised his head , passed his .hand
thoughtfully over his Wobsterian brow ,
and looked llxedly at his shrinking sub
ordinate.
"Tell 'Inquirer , ' " ho bald , with the
calm superiority of a man accustomed
to grappling with the deepest problems
of life and throwing them every time ,
"to look in any cyclopedia for the
articles under the heads 'Sweden' and
'Borgia , 'and combine the information
ho gathers from those sources. You
may leave now , Williams. I wish to bo
alone. "
_
Hadn't I J curd or It.
Merchant Traveler : "Did you over
roud the 'Mill on the Floss V " asked a
young woman of Charley Ohlspoht.
"No ; I'm pretty well posted on matters -
tors of that kind , but I never hoard of
that mill. Was It a good light-1 I don't
reckon the men amounted to much in
the prosofsion or I'd would have heard
of them. "
_
A Moilnl Koiintloror ,
Washington Capital : "Como In ho.-o
wid ycz this minit before ycz sphilu yer
Fountillcrry clothes. " shouted the fond
mother to her freckle-fm-ed BOH. "Yis ,
dearest' . " " 'Avo yox. boon bavin' a good
toimo widout yor mother1" ; "Vis , dear
est. " "An , phwnt av ye/ been doln1 ? "
"Stlionin' MibS McGuily's ' pig. donrcbl ,
an' eullin' rats to the police. But I wor
always t'inkin' of yes , and lovin' ycx.
wid all mo heart , "
'J roubles < > ! ' ilin OvHIor.
JVcio Yin I , Jlruilil.
"If I wcro nn ovstor , " Riglioil thu crab ,
"I wouldn't know vvhut to no ,
For tlio.V'ru : ire ulwaya belli ; ; embroiled ,
Or galling Into u btinv. "
Ilo IViiM n Vfltcrim
San Francisco Argus : First cadet
Did you over smell powder ?
Second cadet -Yea.
" \VhoroV"
"On a Vassar ifirl. "
Too Mnuli id' n hi
Merchant Traveler : " .Self-denial , "
said a traveling man to another , "Js n
trait that * will be found in nearly every
woman , It scorns to bo an o.ssontliil
part of her nature. She is equal to
almost every bolf-donlul. " "And yet. ' '
was the rejoinder , "how few of tlfom
are equal to a toalski back-rlllcc . '
Ilo
Detroit Free Press : Civil Service
Kxamlnor "What are your mmliflea-
lions for the stnto of Toxas'i" ' Appli
cant for nil mission to the postal service
Notions
Toilet Articles ,
Best Stockinet Seamless UrcssShiclde ,
all sixes , lie pair.
I'uro Uubbor Silk Shield Seamless ,
No. 'J and 11 , 23o pair.
Novelty Braid , Assorted Patterns ,
worth 60c npolco , for 30c.
FeathcrStitch Braid , worth 25c apiece ,
for ISc.
Another lot of Lu ml berg's celebrated
Perfumer , in all the best odors , lay In
your supply , won't last long , 29o bet
tle.
Standard Florida Water , pint
bixe , Monday only. 18c bottle.
Khpcy's Cream the ladies' favorite ,
worthl5o ! bottle , Monday 19c.
IT PAYS TO TRADE
AT
Hi
( fingering an imaginory revolver with
superb nerve ) "Throw upyour hands ! "
C. S. E. writes out a Hrut grade certift-
cato without a word.
_
An Impending ; Crisis. _ .
Clneana Herald.
The turkeys now forsulto tholr glee ,
And breathe a long-drawn sich ;
Tlioy sciiu tlio calendar and see
Thanksgivinedrnwmg nigh.
On tli Contrary.
Fun : Mrs. Smithington Oh ! Mr.
Tibkin , you are always so kind in coin
ing to sec me off.
Little Tibkin Not at all ; its always a
pleasure. _
'J'lio Poetry of Motion.
Yankee Blade : She Oh , see that
.scarecrow out there in the Hold.
HeThat isn't a scarecrow.
"It must be ; see how motionless it
is. "
"T hat's the hired man at work. "
An Infallible ICeniody.
Epoch : Doctor Take those powders
as directed and your cold will bo gene
in two or three days.
Patient You seem quite bourse , doc-
tor.
tor.Doctor
Doctor Yes , I've had a bad cold for
four weeks.
_
How Not to Do It. .
Somcrvlllo Journal : "Can you give j * * |
mo borne of the rules about writing '
poetry ? " ushod the ambitious rhymstor
of the successful editor. "Yes , " said
the editor , "I can give you the Ih'&l and
most important ; don't ! "
TOO ] tl < | lllHltlV < > .
Texas Siftings : Mistress ( to applicant
for cook's position ) "Why did you
leave your hibt placoV"
Applicant "You are very inquisl-
tlve , inarm. I didn't ax yer what for
yer last cook left you. "
A Kill ill I' dine.
Chicago Ledger : "Oh , dear ! look nt
that ferocious tigerl"
"Don't ho afraid , mum , he won't hurt
you. "
"They buy ho killed a man last
night. "
"Yori , mum , but he's very affection-
ito , all the HUIDO. "
"Alfoctionnto ! "
"Yen , mum ; 1 never saw an y.nimal BO
flovotcd to his paw and maw. "
U'lirit a Crowd In Honlon MC-JITM.
.fudge : Stranger What is the moan
ng of this vast crowd ; something uu
ibuul happening ?
Boston man I don't know , sir , Fhavo
just arrived on the ground myflols. It
nay bo that a symphony concert is just
: jvor , or it may bo that Mr. Sullivan Is
ilrunk again. _
A l > iHipi'itio ! | .Man.
Judge : Hugloy had called on fifteen
andlordH , all of whom objected to lens-
ng In in their houses because ho had
ihildren. At last ho became desperate
nd resolved to have a house ut any
ost.
ost."Well , " ho Haiti to landlord No. ix-
,0011 , "f guess I'll take this place. "
"Pardon me , sir , " said the landlord ,
'but have you any children ? ' '
"Yost , " bighed Bagloy , "but I'll kill
bom. "
Too
Terre Haute Uxprobs : Clarvoy And
your brothorgot on the force two week *
after ho liindod , oh ? " ( lOoghogan Ho
did that , but ho didn't liiHht long. Ho
got too shmart and nrrohtod a uldorinan
for selling whopsky after hourhho did. "
Had I'tnitilodd ,
Epoch ; Aramlntu You put your nrm
around my wuibt bo gracefully , Oeort'ti.
George I have had lots of practice.
I was a street caj- conductor live .years.
