- - ' "
Mf-Wfl'i"
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , OCTOBER 13. 1S89.-SIXTEEN PAGES. 11
K MR , GREELKY AS A SPEAKER.
r
Ho Wasn't An Orator But Ho
Pleased His Audlonoo.
,
WHEN LABDY DID THE BIG TOFF.
A Iloylili Kscnimilo oTn Orcnt I/ondou
Killtor 'llioiifilit Cliniiiicoy nn
I'\tcrt tjlnr Why Koi-
nlnl Didn't Knt.
Current Anecdote * .
A corlnlii Sunday happened to como on
Clirlfttmns day. Mr. Grooloy nnd I each
owned poxvs In Dr. Chnpln's ' church , and
\vc > o punctual nttcndunts , snys 1 . T. Unr-
uuiii In the Cincinnati Commercial-Garotte.
Wo expected a grand sermon from Dr. Clia-
pln on that Christmas morninir , hut , much
to our disappointment , n nolo was received
fium him Just as the services were nbout to
begin , utatlriK Unit ho was ill and could not
attend.
At first It wa thought best to adjourn the
meeting , but finally n laymna olTorcd his ser
vices , which \vero accepted , in conducting
the preliminary portion of the services.
Mcanwhilo Mr. Orceloy wiw asked
to RO into the pulpit nnd &ny
something as n substitute for Lr. )
Clmpln'B sermon. Ho walked up without
nny hesitation , with his old whlto overcoat
on. A lady from Kentucky , who was then
llvlne in Now York nnd attended Dr.
Chapm'p church , was sitting next to mo.
yiio had that southern prejudice against Mr.
Greoloy which too ( jonorally prevailed , nnd
P she declared that she "had a great mind to
It go out , for she novcr wanted to sec nor hear
Horace Gicoioy. " 1 begged her to remain ,
nnd she concluded to.
In consideration of the fact that Mr.
Grceloy was n miserable speaker , 1 was much
nfr.ild the prejudices of the Kentucky lady
would , after houring him , become stronger
aealnst him than over. Ho began , In low ,
drawling tone , by saying that the celebra
tion of Christmas wn-j n very proper thing
for nil pi ofcsslng Christians to engage in.
"Of course , " said ho , "this is not absolutely
the anniversary of the birth of Christ ; it Is
generally conceded by learned biblical schol
ars that Christmas rcnlly occurred In or about
the month of August ; but us this day has
been fixed upon as the anniversary of the
Saviour's birth , it , perhaps , does not uiako
much difference. "
Air. Grceloy drawled along In this way for
moro than half an hour , giving us now ideas ,
now thoughts and much valuable Informa
tion , rlvory person iircsent , I think , was
deeply Interested In his discourse. Toward
the close of his remarks the Kentucky lady
sal J to mo : "Mr. Uarnuni , Unit man IB a
horrible speaker , but I declare I was never
more edified In my life ; ho Is icallyu won
derful man ; and I shall never again feel any
prejudice against him , "
A lady friend in llighstown , N. J. , having
read nnd beard much of Air. Giccley , begged
mo to induce him to glvon lecture fora charit
able purpose. 1 asked him , and he readily con
sented to do so. 1 met the lady a Month or two
afterward , and she wasexhuberuntin her ex
pression of gratitude to mo for huvlng influ
enced the great nmn to visit Hightstown.
Said she : "I was honored by his innKing
our housb his homo during our stav , and I
3 really felt our house was hallowed by his
presence ; but oh , Mr. Harnum , did you over
hear such u tedious , terrible speaker ) Ho
began his lectuie by saving in his monoton
ous voice : 'It has been said that 1 am the
11001031 speaker in America , ' anil I think ttmt
is really true , but what ho H.ilu enchanted
every hearer. "
"Ono of the funniest things that hanponcd
under my oservatlou during the war , " said
( Lionel Mosby to n Now Yorlc Tribune re-
poitor , "occurred in n cavalry fight in the
Shcmuiiloah valley along In IfelH. In the
midst of u sharp cavalry engagement , with
Sheridan's men in n charge near Hcrr.vvillo
there came crushing like a whirlwind into
our lines a Yankee soldier on u big black
horse. A .scoro ot men tried to stop horse
and rider , hut the old black's blood was up ,
mid ho wont on clean through the lines be
fore ho was under control. The rider was
sent tu t.lbby prison , and wo mustered the
black charger into the confederate service.
A few days later wo charged some of Cus-
tor's men , and I'll bo If that old horse
didn't ' ictiirii the compliment by carrying u
"lieb" Into the federal Hues , nnd never cauio
back. "
A dozen years ago Mine. Modjeslia cnmo
to Ameiica , bought a big much in southern
California , and settled down to bee culture
nnd the raising of cattle , says the New York
Sun. She had , after many successes abroad ,
retired from the singe. 13ui the old feeling ,
so Ilrmly implanted in nil those who have
once tasted the fruits of success , reasserted
itself. She studied English und began
now career In the English tongue. A friend
ot Mine. Modjcskti sultl the other day that
her return to the footlights was inspired ,
however , fiom a wholly different origin.
Looking out of her study window one morn
ing she saw nn odd spectacle. Three men
were engaged in slaughtering a turkey.
Count liozcnta , her husband , held the crea
ture by the logs , u farm hand held the head
nnd a third man wielded the knife. She
thought If It required three men to kill ono
turkey her hopes of the successful manage
ment of the ranch were destroyed. Soabo
went buck to acting.
"Tim Picss has published a good manv
reminiscences of Judge Allen A. Uradford , "
said an old settler to a Nebraska City Press
reporter , "but hero Is one that I have never
boon in print. It occurred in Colorado , long
after Bradford loft this part of the country.
Ho was trying a case before n Judge to whom
bo took a dislike , The Judge was undecided
in his rulings ; would change his conclusions
every time the opposite lawyer would argue
a point. When Bradford came to talk to the
Jury ho took occasion to express his con
tempt. Said ho : "Uontlemon of the jury ,
the Indecision of this court reminds
mo of the fabled ass that died
between two bundles of straw
for want of decision. ' The court could stand
this no longer. Calling the attorney to order
ho fined him ? o fur contempt. With the
coolness ho was capable of , Bradford felt in
bis pocket for a moment , then , producing
f2,50 , said In his peculiar intonations of
voice : 'Your honor , I have but half the
amount. I will pay for the straw , but lot
the ass stand.1"
"You remember Jeffries , the Presbyte
rian minister that loft here ( o go to Denver.
Well , I heard n good story about him the
other day that you may bo able
to find u tilaeo for. It was some
thing that happened Just after ho
came to Nebraska City. Ho wanted to go
bomo place , and applied to Mike Dcruin , In
the ticket office as it happened , for n half-
rate ticket , which it is usual to sell to gen
tlemen of the cloth. Jeffries , you know ,
looked moro Ilko an actor than a minister ,
and JJcruin inquired Incredulously : "Are
you n clergyman i" Quick us thought the
imlck-wittod divine began to open his grip ,
saying : 'I'll roud you ono of my sermons. '
He got the ticket. ' '
Chailcs Smiley , of the Claxton company ,
Kays the Chicago Herald , is full of stories.
He tells one of a strnet gamin who hold out
hU ragged cap before Lord Randolph
Churchill and Sir Chailca Uorosford , as
they came slowly down the steps of n Lon
don club.
"What ore you begging for , boy } " asked
Horcsferd a ho noticed the little fellow.
The boy said ho had nothing else to do.
"See here , " suld Lord Randolph , "if you'll
take that stone and lilt that pollcomuu In
the buck of the head I'll give jou half a
crown. "
Nothing loth the bo.C picked up the stone
and lot her go. Ills mm was true , and the
"bobby" turned in wrath , chased the gamin
and captured him. Shaking him savagely
ho demanded why he should insult the
majesty of the law , us ropiesentcd in his
parson , so grossly.
The boy whined that the two eontlomon ,
who were looking on very much amused ,
had olTorcd him half a crown to do It , and he
would give him ono and six of it If he would
release him. Drugging the boy up to the
( wo men , he demanded to know what they
meant , and unkcd their names. Sir Charlca
Heresford gave hit name , and the "bobby"
humbly touched bU hat und begged pardon ,
" lien hu usked Sir Uundotph Churohill'a
name. He , too , Rave his name , with the
amo effect on the "bobby. "
"You great gents must hnvo your larks , "
ho R.ild , touching his helmet.
"Now , sir , " ho ald , turning to the boy ,
"what's your name ! "
The boy looked up nt him , after eyeing the
great ino.n , nnd sntJ , after sticking his
thumbs In the nrmholcs of his ragged vest :
"I'm Lord Salisbury. "
"Talking nbout boyish escapades , I have a
vivid recollection , " nays Mr. Henry La-
bouchcrc , "of n day when , happening to
lave more money thaii I know what to do
with , 1 determined to do the 'big toff. ' " 1
sallied forth lo the largest hotel In Eton , en
gaged a private room and ordered the waiter
"o bring man bowl of imtich. 'Iho discreet
'unctlonnry stared , but brought It It was
hen my turn to stnro and wonder what on
uirth 1 should do with the lingo bowlful of n
hi Id the very odor of which mndo mo
'eel faint. At length , my eye resting
pen n good , old-fashioned cupboard of
> nllfiuo oak , n brilliant Idea struck mo. I
pencd the door ana poured the whole
> f the punch Into the basement of the cup-
loard. Then uftor waiting a few minutes to
ice whether the obnoxious liquor would
mnka Inroads upon the carpet , the pattern of
which was that of golden crowns on a royal-
blue ground , I i nng the bell again , and , ou _
"ho waiter appearing , In still more nuthorltn-
Ivo tones I ordered nnolhcr bowl. Never
Ijall I forget the oxpiussicm of horrified
nmnzcmont which cnme over the man's
ounttimnce. I ho second potation went the
ivny of the first that Is to snv , into the cup-
) ourd , and Alexander the Grout , -after his
, 'ictor.v over Darius , could not have felt
iroudcr than I did when I called for the bill ,
llsburscd half u sovoiolpn for the punch , ten
ihllllims moio for the private parlor , tipped
ho waiter and swaggered Into the street ,
'ully pcisuaded that the oyts of the whole
nn were upon me , which , in my exultant
ttato of mind , u ere tantamount to these of
ivholo Europe. 1 never went there again. "
There Is talk of King Kahikmiu coming to
Atnorleu again , says a writer in the Chicago
Times. I well remember his first visit to the
country In 1ST ) . Ho came to Chicago , of
course , and 1 was assigned torito up his
nrrlvul for the newsiipper with which 1 was
: hon connected. Hnrvoy U. Colvlu was
nayor of Chicago , ana n bluff , happy-go-
.neky mayor ho was , as everybody rcmum-
bcrb. Great preparations wore made to rc-
colvo the king , the city council having de
cided to turn out In a body to welcome him.
Marly on the promised day the mayor , com-
: non council and distinguished citizens re-
lialred to the Lake Shore depot to greet the
lugust visitor.
rlio king came out of his Pullman car ,
ooklng as if ho had Just Jumped from a band
box. His saddle-colored complexion shone
rom the recent attentions of the barber.
Us hair was curJed Just so. His boots were
polished mid his dicss was neat to perfec
tion. The monarch was introduced to the
city fathers , to Peter Muhr and Tom Stout ,
James O'Brien , William Fitzgerald , nnd all
of the boys who were then lu the council.
Carriages were taken nnd the turtv was
driven to the Grand Pacific hotel. Here a
Ineof twos was formed , with the mayor and
the king ut the hoad. Slowly they marched
ip stairs nnd trod the heavy Atmmstor far-
jots en the parlor lloor. The muyor halted
bis guest In front of ono of the parlors re
served for his use. Then his honor drew him
self up , nnd everybody expected a speech.
Finally bo cleared his throat und said :
"Your majesty , we will now leave you and
give jou u chnnco to wash up ! "
'I ' was fossil bunting the other dav , "
writes u correspondent of the Pall Mall
Ga/etle , "in n ehulk oil near Keston , when a
hunderstorm forced me to take shelter in n
shed , when I had an interesting conversation
with two old workmen. 'Do you find many
fossils here I' 1 asked. 'Yes , sometimes wo
Jt ono or two , then wo maybe find n lot
fnoro of the KIUHO sort nuar it. Gentlemen
comes ulong about every two duys nnd picks
'em over. I found some shnrk'a teeth oiieo.
Mr. , a Bromley , said they was mam
mon's teeth , but I took 'em ' to Sir John
Lubbockaud Mr. Darwin and they both said
they were shark's as soon as they saw 'em.
Maybe you've heard of Mr. Darwin ? ' 'Yes , I
have heard of him , Did the people round hero
often take things to him ! ' 'Sometimes , when
they wanted to know what anything was.
Ho could always toil 'em. Master Frank will
now if you go to him ; he's very clover. ' 'I
once took n cffetcft [ | to Sir John , ' ehlmod in
his comrade. 'I killed it up yonder by the
barn. Bobsawit llrst , butha was frightened.
He'd been boo/ing lor a week , nnd would'a
been seared uc anything. It was about that
length , [ about a foot.J and Mr. tailed mo
tok it straight down to Sir John , it had such
eyes. I went Into Sir John's ' room ho was
at home but he couldn't tell what it was.
"Wait a bit liei-o , " he said , "and I'll look at
at my books. " So ho wont out for about a
quarter of nil hour. Ills room was full of all
sorts of things lizard , toads , vipers , and
nearly everything. When ho came back ho
told me what it was and gave mo half a sov
ereign. "That's the male , " ho said , "ycu'll
find the female near the same snot. " "
'Which Sir John was that ? ' 'That was old
Sir John. 1 took a pair of live offets once
down to young Sir John. Sir John as is ; the
one as knows a lot nbout ants. ' "
Chnuncoy Depow npoko ono evening dur
ing the last campaign at a town in the In
terior of Now York state which is not neces
sary to nnino , says the Detroit Free Press.
The next morning the chairman of the local
committee took him In his carriage for n rldo
about the place. They bad reached the
suburbs nnd were admiring a bit of scenery
when n man wo.uing u blue shirt and carry
ing u long whip on his shoulder approached
from where ho had been piloting an ox team
iilong the middlu of the street nnd said :
"You're the man that made the rattlln'
speech up at the hall last nliiht , I guessi"
Mr. Depew modestly admitted that ho had
Indulged In some talk ut the time and place
specified.
"Didn't you have what you said writ out ! "
wont on the man.
"No , " replied the orator.
"You don't mean to say you made that all
right up as you went along I"
"Yes. "
"Jess hopped right up there , took n. drink
of water out of the pitcher , hit the table n
whiiek , and waded in without no thlnkiu"
nor nothin'f"
"Well , I suppose you might put it that
wn.v. "
"Well , that beats mo. You'll excuse mo
for stoppin' you , but what I wanted to say
was that your speech convinced me , though
I knowcd all the time It was the peskiest Ho
that was over told. I made up my mind to
vote your ticket , but I'd'u'beenillin'to
bet a peek o' rod apples that no man coulO
stand up and tell mo Hiich blamed coiivinoln'
lies without bavin' 'em writ out. You must
u' had nn awful lot o' praot Ice. "
In England wo do not dote quite so imicl
upon uniforms as they do In Trance , says
the St. James Gazette , und HUle lueldnnts of
this kind are not very likely to occur on this
side of the channel. Still , n well known
English cabinet minister did once got Into
difficulties , not through going about in mufti ,
but through wearing too much uniform. We
will not mention the gentleman's name for
he is still extant. This distinguished polltl
clan not oven his friends over thought ho
was a statesman was once upon a time tint
lord of the admiralty. Full of the Impor
tance of his ofllee he determined to wear the
gorgeous uniform of the lord hlgl
admiral , whose loprcsentutive ho was
The first time ho had official busl
ness with the Hoot the right honorable gen
tleman put on nU uniform and went aboard
one of her majesty's ' shlp-j. The minister
who liked to look upon himself as lord ingl
admiral , had his Hag run up and the vesse
stui tod. In a tow minutes ono of the oftlcurs
came up and politely touched his hat lo th
first lord.
"If you please , sir , what are , vour orders ) '
ho asked ,
' Orusrs ! what orders ! "
"As your ling Is Hying , you are in com
mand. "
"But I don't understand at all. "
"Well , sir , you are In command , and In a
few minutes wo shall run Into the queen's
yacht. Will you give mo my orders ! "
'Iho uulucicy first lord became crlmsoi
with vexation , and the lord high admiral's
pennant was promptly hauled down ,
Kossiiilio ! had always lo mot pour rlro
luodtosay : "In olden times thay used to
compose music for the brain and for the
ears ; but It Rooms to mo that nowadays pco
pie are quite content when the thing looli
well. " M his , I feel confident , was often hi
guiding opinion , says u writer In Tempi
Bar. For instance , when Meyerbeer gav
The Huguenots , his lawyer and corol'glon '
nalro Crcmloux gave u luncheon , where h
invited some influential iriemls to mee
Meyerbeer. Kosslnl , ono of the guests , at
nothing.
Mmo. Crotnloux , with iho lynx eye of an ;
hostess who has people round her table In
vited for a meal , suddenly bounced upon her
bs torn lot ) s guest with that question which
very Indy imagines must go straight to the
heart of her guests : "I am sure , M. Hossinl ,
on don't Ilko that dish ; ono cannot easily
ilcaso such a fine connoisseur as you Arc. "
'Pardon ' , mndamo , that is not at nil the
cnson , but I never cat between my break-
est nnd my dinner. Of course , you will
ask mo why , then , did I come to a
unchcon party ! 1 will toll you ( The
other day I was invited to hear n per-
onnnnco of my William Tell over-
uro. At the moment where the allegro
logins I snw two men In the hind putting
heir trumpets , but 1 could not for the
Ifoofma hear ono note ; so I asked the man.
nger why they did not play. 'Oh , that Is
very simple , ' ho said , 'I could not pet two
rumpcters , but I thought I'd get snmo men
o hold up the trumpet. It looks well to sea
rum pet * in nn orchestra ; but , of course , as
hey can'i piny you can't hear them. ' Now ,
can't cat any more than they could play ;
but as Meyerbeer , who Is so superstitious.
would have taltcn It ns a bad omen if I had
( tent an excuse , I thought I would Just sit
johlml my plate , because It looks well to
have old friends sit round ono's table. "
, .
A woUcrn man , proud of his Immonjcly
iroductivo acics , says the Youth's Com-
> anlon , was showinv a visitor Irom Vermont
ils farm , nnd while boasting somewhat of
mown crops , turned upon the Vcruicntor
with the question :
"You cnn't ralso much back there on these
atony Vermont hills , can you ! "
"Oh , yes , .vcs , wo eonenillv got line crops. "
"Butyou don't raise much grain , do you ! "
"Oh , yes , wo raise n sight of barley. "
"You do ! "
"Why , certainly ; I don't know what our
farmers would do if It wasn't for their bar-
ey. "
"Ho you got much for It ! "
"Oh , wo don't soil It , sir ; we don't soil a
a grain of It. "
"You don't feed It to your stock ! "
"Oh , no , noou don't ketch us wasting
barley like that"
'Well , what do you do with It. then I"
"Why , man , wo save every grain of it for
seed that's what wo do with It. "
This Is the western man's story , and he
naturally thinks this n queer Kind of "farm-
'ng for profit. "
The Uiillnlslie.l Stocking.
.Surnh K. JJolfoil.
Lay It aside her work no moro she sits
By opun window in western sun ,
Thinking of this nnd that beloved ono
[ n silence us she knits.
Lay It aside ; the needles are In their place ;
No moro she welcomes at the cottage door
The coming of her children homo once
moro.
With sweet nnd tearful face.
Lay it aside , her work is done and well ;
A generous , sympathetic Christian life ;
A faithful mother and n noble wife ;
Her Influence who can tell !
Lay it aside say not her work is done ;
ttNo deed of love or goodness over dies ,
Hut m the lives of others multiplies ;
Say it is just begun !
MUSICAL ANIJ nilAMATIC.
Lulu Lingard is shortly to marry n wealthy
Londoner.
Jennie Yeamans docs not go out this sea
son after all. She announces atrip to Eu
rope.
Evans nnd Hocy again make the
announcement that they are soon to sail
for Australia. Ihls Is what they said two
.years ngo.
Thoio IB n report , which seems to bo
wholly trustworthy , to the effect that
Charles 11 , Gardiner is completely and hope
lessly blind.
The swelling on Mr. Lawrence Barrett's
neck has become so painful that his friends
nre mivising him to cancel his dates and sub
mit to a surgical operation.
The Emma Juch opera company will begin
its season ut the Brooklyn Academy October
123. The company will probably bo seen hero
during the coming spring.
Miss Mary How , the great Boston con
tralto , will sing the "Inllammntus , " fiom
Dovrak's "Stabet Mntor , " at the first sym
phony concert In Boston.
George C. Miln , the preaoher-aetor , con
tinues to prosper in Australia. The last mail
from there states that he is to become the
proprietor of a theater very soon.
Manager Hobcrt Giau is still in Ludlow
street Jail in Now York. He was arrested
in n suit brought by a chorus girl formerly
in his employ to recover five weeks' salary
at the rate of 1'a ! week.
When II. C. Miner takes charge of the
Fifth Avenue theater , New York , next May ,
the \\holo building will bo remodeled , and
the auditorium will run parallel with Twenty-
eighth sticet. About SJ5.000 will bo ex
pended on improvements.
A Paris inventor has obtained a patent cu
a now theatrical snow. It is said to disap
pear as soon ns it fulls. It flutters about
exactly like the real aitlclo , and costs nt xt
to nothing. The first trial of it is to bo made
in the midnight mass scene in "Itogor lu
Honto , " at the Ambigu in Paris.
The villain of a melodrama had to bo
shot. The supers came on and fired at him
accordingly , but the property man had
omitted to load the guns , and the only sound
was the click of the fulling hammers. 'Iho
villain had to die , und rose to the occaslob.
Throwing up his hadds ho exclaimed : "I die
perforated by a thousand bullets , but I take
the opportunity of cursing with my last
breath the niggardly government that sup
plies Its army with air guns. "
The proprietors of the operatic organiza
tion known us 'Tho Bpstonians , " have com
pleted their plans for the coming season and
are already well advanced in the rohersals
preparatory to their trans-continental tour.
The manacers have in the "Don Quixote"
of Reginald do Kovon an oponi written es
pecially for the company by an American
musician , with n. book furnished by an
American Journalist. The opera is to have a
simultaneous production in England anil the
United States , and is the first American ope
ratic composition that has achieved this dis
tinction. "Suzetto , " a new opera by that
clever musician and librettist , Oscar Weil ,
is also to bo Included in the season's reper
toire , and the other operas announced for the
tour ara Ambrose Thomas' "Mlgnon" and
"Pygmalion and Galatea , " Louis Vurnoy's
"The Musketeers , " Suppo-s "Fntinit7u , "
Auber's "Fra niavolo , " Gounod's ' "Faust , "
Flotow's "Martha , " Avordi's "Tho Trouba
dour , " Bizet's "Carmen , " Offenbach'p "The
Poachers , " and Balfo's "Bohemian Girl. "
The company begins its tour to-morrow nnd
during the fall , winter and spring of the sea
son of 1880 00.lt will Visit all the leading
cities of the country us tar west as San
Francisco , saving such cities as are scattered
through the southern states. The leading
artists of the company are as follows : So
pranos ; Marie Stone , Juliotto Cordon , Carlotta -
lotta Maconda. Contraltos ; JcHsIo Bartlett
Davis , Josephine Bartlett. Tenois ; Tom
Karl , Edwin W. HofT. Baritones andbassos :
W. II. McDonald , H. C. Hnrnaboo , Fred
Dixon , Eugene Cowlcs , George B. Frothing' '
limn. Samuel Studloy , director.
Wilson Barrett's company of about thirty
people arrived In Now York on the the City
of Chicago on Friday , October 4. In the
party were Mr. George Barrett , the popular
English come J Ian and character actor and
a brother of the tragedian ; Charles Cathcart ,
who has been Wilson Barrett's stage mun-
ngor for many years and who is well known
in this country ; Austin Alelford. W. A. Elli
ott , Cooper ClifTo , Murray Curson , and Alice
Cooke und Lillian and Alleo Belmoro.dnugh-
ters of the late George Holmoro , the beloved
comedian who died while playing u starring
engagement at Wallack's theater a few years
ngo. The principal actors In the company
wore accompanied by their wives. The
Hteamcr brought over also the costumes foi
the extensive Barrett repertory. They uro
packed in fifty immense rattan trunks and
weighed nearly 10,000 pounds.
When Hobson and Crane dissolved part
nership there was a good deal of surmlso as
to the icsultof their "going It alone. " Mr.
Crane WHS the first to take to the road , and
he has now been out nearly a month playing
in Docalur , 111. , Milwaukee and Chicago. Ho
has been greeted with a succession of
crowded houses , ami his now plays , the
four-act American comedy , "On Probation , "
the adaptation from the Trench called
"Pupa Porrickon , " and the latest London
success , "Tho Balloon , " have all made hits ,
Mr. Crane's hold the
on publio seems as
sured , He will present all the plays named
above in this city ,
Sick hcatlaolio is the bane of inntiy
llvca. To euro unil prevent this annoy-
ingcoinpluint , nsu Dr. J. II. MoLeuii's
Little Llvop and Klilnoy Pellets. They
nro agreeable to talco uud gentle In their
actlou.o coutsu vial.
ROMANCES OF TDETPDNCllERS
< )
Auocdotoa Rolatotl b 'a Olrolo of
Knights of the P.unoh. .
PEOPLE WHO BEAT'RAILROADS ,
The Olwrepcroiis Stock Buyer nntl
Kcmnlc AtlvcntutTM 'Who Arc
With the Sport lii Clever
bxvlmllcflj
Tno ! < j of the Co/Veil. /
While every vocation in Hfo fur-
italics ntunorous oppnrtunltios to the
student of human imturo , who clmncos
to bo engaged therein , lo observe the
varied traits in the clmrnctor of his fel
low nmn , und while unilor the clrcum-
stiuieos iiUeiuliuit upon the most coin-
inon of callings occur ninny roniurknblo
Incidents , it is doubtful if there bo any
pursuit of earth so fraught with chances
for studying the Idiosynoracios of man
kind or of witnessing peculiar events
than tluit of the railway passenger con
ductor. It needs but the citation of the
following fuels to prove the assertion
mmlo :
Itvis a few nightj ago that a party
of these takers of titikots and carors-for
of lady travelers , sat in the lobby of the
Millard hotel "swapping stories. "
Many indeed wore the tales they relat
ed. Tlioro was the story of the conduc
tor's triumph over the passenger who
sought to > lbeat" the road onto ! its faro ,
the tale of the "mush" made on the
train , a "yarn" ludicrous in the extreme -
trome , and in fact stories too numerous
to ho enumerated in their entirety.
"Speak in trot deadbcatson railroads,1'
remarked oiio who were the uniform of
the Union Pacific , " 1 have boon on the
'U. P. ' for thirteen years. I have run
a train from Omaha to North Plutto and
from Omaha , to Grand Island. Lntor I
luivo taken tickets between Council
Bluffs and South Omaha , and
I find that there are more
people who try to beat the company , or
rather the conductor , out of a ton-cent
faro , than there nro who would attempt
to ride over an entire division without
liquidating , and I am speaking accord
ing to the ratio of travel because I
know the number of suburban passen
gers is much greater than on the other
run. I remember a case which occurred
only a short time ago. A man who is
well known in this city and is worth
perhaps $10,000 came In mo before the
train pulled out of the depot and said
lie wanted to go to South Omaha , and
at the same time pave mo a very know
ing wink us much as to any'you know
me. ' I didn't say anything in reply to
the aforesaid wink but when my train
started wont through the train as ti usil.
When I sihkecl him tor his ticket ho
\\inkeil again , but I didn't see him of
course , and remarked a little louder
'tieicet please. ' And the way that man
continued the winking * business was a
caution. Kinally when lie saw that I
meant business , ho said ho had no
tirkot. I then requested him to pay his
faro , and said he had no money. It
sounded odd that a man like him would
be traveling throe or Tour miles without
cash , but I told him lie would have to
leave the train at Seventeenth street ,
which evidently had a wholesome ollcct
on him , for lie managed to lind his farn ,
and paid me with a very ill grace seem
ingly. When the. traju reached South
Omaha ho lingered on the platform ,
and the tongue lashing ho gave mo was
a tremendous one , l t mo toll you. And
what do you think , that man actually
reported mo to the superintendent for
discourtesy. I managed to hold my
job , however. "
"Tho cattle buyers are the worst
cube I have to deal with" remarked
a ticket puncher from the Elkhorn.
These fellows who canvass the state
for stock and usually got about six cars
per month to ship. Ono would think
from their actions that the fate of the
world as to starve or not to starve depended -
ponded upon them. When they got a
carload they generally inform every
freight agent in the country and tte -
mand an annual pass from each road
that spsaks to thorn about their little
business. I had one of these fellows on
my train the other day. IIo were a big
hat and talked very loud. I remarked
'ticket , sir. ' in my bland way , and ho
lookud as though ho would annihilate
me. 'Why , ' said hn , ' 1 don't pay any
fare I stock sir."Ilavo
; am a shipper , "Ilavo
! " I said. 'No '
you a pass , certainly not ,
vrab the reply. 'Well , ' said I , ' .you will
certainly have to pay your faro. ' Then
there was n scene. Ho vowed that ho
would not pay a coat , and I reached
for the boll cord. Then ho said ho
would pay faro , but ho would BUO the
company first , and boycott the road
next. Ho wound up by assorting that
ho was coming Imek next day , and that
ho would pay no faro , not ho. But when
I saw him on the return trip lie had a
ticket , just the same. "
' The professional dead beat is the fol
low I like to lav for , " said a Missouri
Pacific man. "And professionals are
not ontlrcily confined to the male sex. I
recollect u case that came to my notice
years ngo when 1 was on the M issouri
Kansas & Texas. At Dennison , Tox. ,
a woman with three children got on my
train. I got in convocation with her ,
and she remarked that nho was
a widow going to Neosho , Mo. ,
for a time , and then expected
to return and mnko KOIIIO collections ,
she was provided with tickets all right
enough , and I saw her safe through to
the end of my run. In about three
weeks I was again pulling out of Jlon-
ison , when who should I see but my
Ncosho lady minus the children. When
I asked her for her ticket she bald she
hud none , and asked mo the faro to the
next station. I t6lil hop 31,00. She
handed mo 50 ccmts'uml , broke out cry
ing , saying that was all the money she
had , I inquired how Hlio came lo lie in
such a condition financially , and she re
plied that she had boon robbed of all
nor money , some $ ! 500 in all , which she
carried in a hand-MUobol. She had
been in Donison making collections , as
she had told mo on the prof ions trip , so
she Bald. I thought it odd that u woman
would carry money in n hand-satciiol.
but said nothing , and told her I would
carry her to the end of my
division , she having remarked that she
was going to Ncosho. In the meantime
a lot of old chaps on the train had their
sympathies aroused , mid calling mo to
one nido said they proposed t0 ; take up
n collodion for her. I told them my
suspicions , namely , that I believed she
was only heating her way , and they
nearly mobbed mo , They raised SOT for
her , and I novcr saw a woman bo pleased
in my life. On my next trip to Donison ,
what wag my surprise to see my lady
got on the train with the three chil
dren and a very lurgo man. When I
arrived at the place where they were
sitting Bho remarked to the little girl :
'Lilly , glvo mo the tickets. ' But Lilly
declared that she had no tickets. Then
she made the sumo request of Johnnie ,
and Johnnie also disclaimednny knowl
edge of the pasteboards. I expect she
would have nsked the baby hut for the
fact that tot couldn't talk. After rum
maging through her hand-satchel and
falling to find them , she declared that
sue had lost them. I asked her where
they were issued , ami she replied No-
osho. Hut when I told her that she
must pay faro or got off , eho confiden
tially requested mo not to arouse her
'brother' , for ho was dangerous. 1 re
marked that I was subject to fits myself
that were very violent in their nature ,
and then shu paid the party s faro to
the next station. That is the last limo
I over saw thorn , but I would htivo
violdod up n month's salary could these
benevolent old philanthropists who
took up the collection on the previous
run have boon with us. "
"Speaking of dead boats , " chimed in
n man from the Kock Island reminds
mo of the limo when 1 was on the Santa
Po. A sport got on the train with a
ticket to n point about fifty miles
distant , and I noticed that ho mndo a
critical examination of everybody on
the car after ho got on , t determined
to BOO what his game was and so to
speak , Maid for him. ' Wo had passed
liio station whore ho should have de
barked , when on coming through the
train I was surprised to find him with a
check in his hat punched clear through
to the end of my run. I said nothing ,
but watched to see who had lost his
chock. I soon found him In the person
of a man who I was sure was ticketed
clear through. I asked to see
his check and he said some
one had taken it. Then 1
know my festive sport had nipped It but
I bided mv time and wnitcu until wo
had got into the Indian territory be
tween the Arkansas and Verdigris rlv-
ors , and then I walked up to him and re-
murkcd 'Klcven dollars and fifteen
cents.1 Ho of course protested and
threatened nil sorts of dlro things , but
I reached for the boll cord it nil then ho
weakened.olio pulled out a roll as big
as my list and paid me , remarking as ho
did so that ho would sue the company ,
etc. , but ho didn't for ho told the 'pea
nut' ' a few minutes afterward that the
'con. ' was 'too Hip' and had 'tumbled to
his racket. ' "
"Well , " spoke up another who evi
dently belonged to the "Q. , " "You have
all had remarkable experiences with
tough characters and the like but it re
mains for mo to rolnto that at one time
while running between Chicago and
Aurora I had an event happen on my
train that is rarely , if over , heard of
under like conditions. It was on the
east-bound trip and while stopping for
water at a country station a
young follow got on with as
likely ft looking young girl
as I ever saw. They were evidently in
a big hurry , for they merely tied the
horse and buggy to a post and came
aboard , .lust us the train started I saw
an old man on horseback como in sight
and ho was frantic. Ho had a bhotgun
and the mi nuto I sot eyes on him I
know it was a runaway match. I asked
the young follow if .such was not the
case and ho admitted that it was and
that they were going to get married.
When I told him that the old
gent would bo liable to have
them arrested at the next station ho
was the worse frightened mortal you
over saw. 'Oh , ' said he , 'if we * , only
had a mini&tor ; 1 have got a license. '
Then I remembered that 1 had a parson
in the Pullman , and I brought him
back and wo had ft wedding right
there. Of course tnoro wasn't any cake
or anything of that sort , but there was
a wedding present , for the passengers
gave the bride j > 2o , and everybody
kissed her all around , including myself.
When wo got to the next station sure
enough there was an olllcer , but when I
introduced Mr. and Mrs. . he
didn't want to interfere , and they went
to Chicago on a bridal trip. "
"Weddings are all right , " remarked
a young looking man just in oil' the
Milwaukee , ' 'but I hud an incident oc
cur on my train that takes the cake. It
wasn't a wedding , but the result of one.
A ItiUy who lives in Omaha now was the
mamma. Of course 1 cannot tell you
about it , for the ladies in charge drove
all the men folks out of the car and I
nearly lost my situation in consequence ,
for several female passengers got away
without my being able to take up their
tickets and mv record of the trip was in
a terribly jumbled up condition. I
wanted her to name the boy St. Paul ,
after the road , but she wouldn't. "
"As it is growing Into'remarked one
of the part v who as yet had .said noth
ing , "I ihiiilc I will iinish the seance by
relating the best anecdote of the oven-
ing. 1 was on the Union Pacific when
it occurred and it wab the saddest sight
I have over been called upon to wit
ness. I have seen men and
women even , ground to pieces
under the cars and have
boon in one or two bad wrecks , where 1
have gazed upon very heartrending
scenes , but this was a little the worst I
over saw. Juat as wo were getting
ready to pull out of Ogden a young
woman , carrving a little three-year-old
curly head , got on the train. I- could
see that the little one was very ill as 1
assisted the mother on the platformbut
as I hey passed mo the cherub looked in
my face and smiled , remarking , 'Goin'
to see papa. ' As a matter ot course the
pair were boon the center of nil interest
in the car , and all the passengers
boomed devoted to the task of caring for
the little one. For the first fifty miles
or so it prattled about 'papa. ' but aftor-
warl sank to sleep. One old lady who
had been watching the child
como back to where 1 was
in the rear of the coach , and
remarked to mo , while the tears rolled
down her face : 'Conductor , that little
ono isn't going to live to got homo. ' I
remarked that I didn't that it was in se
rious danger , but she said it was , and
the manner in which she spoke really
impressed mo with the fact that per
haps she was right. 1 walked back and
looked at its little pale face , and thinks
I , 'that little ono Is"going to leave for a
fact. ' I never was bo axious to got to
Cheyenne in my life. You can but that
I was moro than usually careful , and
twice I got orders to run against trains
that I should have side-tracked for.
About 4 o'clock the next morning the
little ono uwohound enquired for -papa'
again. It's little voice was weaker than
before , and I at once saw the
child's hours were nunibeied. Oh ,
how I wished for the time to como
when wo were duo in Choyeiine. The
about ' ' and
chap kept prattling 'papa'
when ho would see him , for throe or
four hours , and then the end camo.
Lower and lower grow the volco , and
just as we reached the top of the divide
the little life pasacd out. I think the
gates must have boon ajar for the little
fellow ; for just before ho breathed bib
last ho whispered mamma , toll papa I
couldn't wait for him any longer , the
angels are calling mo and I must go ,
good bye good bye mamma God
bless papa good b ' and that was
all. They laid the little follow on n
scat , and the kind-hearted passengers
attended tlio stricken mother , In time
wo reached Cheyenne. 'Papa' was
there eager and expectant , but oh ,
what tv disappointment , When they
told him and led him inside to look at
his dead boy , his grief wus pitiful to
witness. I never faaw a mun in n worse
condition. His heart seemed broken ,
and I think it was nearly. Thut'u all the
let'a homo. ' "
story , boys , go
Duonoliiiiif incut.
Jtuftnn Courier ,
While wo sazo In admiration
On n nwoet iiiul radiant lass ,
And think only sweetest music
Through tliuso coral lips can pass ,
Wu'ro awfully shocked to see lier
Down iho pardon pathway stride
And hear her cry , "Say , Jnhnnlo , come In
Or mother will tan your liiuol"
LoiidiTailors.
If you need a
SUIT ,
OVERCOAT ,
OR
PAIR of PANTS
You should examine
our Goods and Prices.
Suits to order , - -
Overcoats to order $15 $
,
Pants tojrder , - - $5 $
Work and Trimmings
First Class.
FIT GUARANTEED.
You run no risk , na wo make all
goods at homo.
LONDON TAILORS ,
DRS. BETTS & BEITS
1403 TAIINAU STIIEET , OMAHA , NIB.
( Opposlta 1'axtou Hotel. )
Office hours , 0 . m , to 8 p. TO. Sundays , 10 a
m. to 1 p. in.
Sppclillsts in Chioule , Jservous Pkln ami
Blood Diseases.
f Consultntlcn at olllce or by mail free.
Mmllclnes bent by mall or oxpicss securely
packed. Tree from observation Guarantees ta
cure ouinkly. afoly ami pernmntMUiy.
NERVOUS DEBILITY gSfiSSS./fSSifflg / ;
lions. I'hyslcal Decay , arising fiom Imllscru
tlon , Kxcossor Indulgence. pioducliiRSIecplei > 8
ness. Ut'spomloncy. I'lmpjai on the face , aver
sion to fiocletv. easily dKcoinaced , Ir.rK of conil
deuce , < lull. unlit rurstudv or business , und linds
life n burden. Safely , permanently and pri
vately cured. Consult Urs. Hetts Sc llctts , 111)3 )
FatnumSt. , Oinrhn , Neb.
Blood and Skin Diseases
rcsiiltB. completely cr.icllcnlcd without the lib )
of Mercury. Scrof uhi , ICr/nlpalaH , i'evcr Sores ,
Ulotches. I'Iccia , I'ninsln tint Head und Bones ,
Byphilltlo Soro'Jliroat , Mouth imil 'lougui' , Cn-
tiurh , etc. . permauently cwedlierc other !
have fnllt'ii.
tfidliniT IfrimrTT nni1 niftdder Complaints ,
RlllllbV' Ul 111(11 ( J IMlnfnl , IMIIlcult , too fie-
quont Hurtling or Ulooily UIIIIB , Urlno hlsh col-
nied or with milky sediment on standing , Weak
Back. UonorihcL-a. Gleet , CyhlltK etc. ,
Promptly nnd Safely Cured , Clmrges llcasona
bio.
bio.STBICTUB.E !
movixl complcts , without cuttlntr , cnustfr or
dlllntloii. cures effected nt homo by jmtknt
without amomonts pnlnorni'tioyante.
To Yoiniff Men and MiMle-Aieil Men ,
A'JFIDT ' ? PITDP 'rll ° awful ulTects of early
OUflJQ uUIlu Vice , which biiiicn ornnnta
weakness , cleilroyliifj both mind anil body , w Ith
all Its dreaded ills , iiermanentlrcincd.
TinCJ 1JP1"PO Adioss these who hnvoiinpalreil
JJUOi DulllJ thuinseh < H by linprojier inihil-
goiK'ns nnd solitary habits , nlilcli ruin both
body und mind , imflltlng thoiii inr buslntm ,
Itmly or niiirrmyc.
MAHIIIKD Mi.s. : 01 those entering on that Imp
py Hfp , nwiu-o of physical debility , quickly us
aisled.
OUR SUCCESS.
Is based upon facts , i'lrit Practical Expo
rlence. Second Kvury casa Is especially studied-
thus fctnrtlngnrlKht. Third Mo.llolnesaia pic ,
puled lu our labiuory exactly to milt each case ,
thus affecting cures ithout Injury
fWSendU cults costuRe for celeljinted orkn
on Chronic , Nervous and Delicate Dlneasus.
TfionsandH cured. l& \ friendly letter nr call
may bave you future Hiitreilni ; nud Blntine. und
add golden years to life. tr No letters nn-
wered unlesH nccouip.inled by 4 centi In itamtw.
Addrisa or call on
J > Ks. BlETTf * A : IIUTTS ,
14081'utnam 8tioet , Omaha , NK
OMAHA H DICfiU SUf.lilCMr1
'
N.W.COR. I3TH& DODGE STS .OMAHA , NEB.
FOIt TUB TItlUTllENr OY ALL
APPLIANCES FOR DEFORMITIES AND TRUSSES.
BeitF elllU , ApparatuB ndItfm dleiforBuccfi fu
Trettmtnt of eviry form of u'Mtu requiring
1IEDICAL or BUROIOAL TREATMENT.
NINETY ROOMS FOR PATIENTS.
Sou d & Attendance , licit Accommodation ! in Wet
CO- WRITE FOR CIRCULARS on DeformitlM and
PraceaTru itj,01ubKMtCurvatur iofBph .Fl ! l ,
Tumou. Cancer , Catarrh , Broacbitli , Inhalation ,
DISEASES OF WOMEN
HK IUTI I.ITKI.T HIDin 1 I.TUU-IK DU'iHTHlt.lT OU
JJ ° , "n fil'KmV'2il"l.V"l''T' ' ' iiTflcm m TF. )
RiUtbU
Only Medical Inititute miking a BptelallT ot
PRIVATE DISEASES
ill JlUol Ulie.iei . . . '
luctei. lulllit.Ki. Hrr'lilMll l'ol on
fin > ofdrotmL . ; ilm llhouluifcor7. K.w Ktilor.ll > .
Tr lu l far Lou > f IITll , IOHHK. 1'trllti uoiUelotlill
Bim/l > trf.U4 at boutbr eorrcipoD4cnr . jUle.omuDlca-
llociccnlldcQIItl. U.dlclmii.rluilrum.Miifutl.jiuillorei.
i > r < iiiicurelri ck < ilnon > ikio Io4lt.lt cooutiicrituiltr ,
( Jo , i r oo l Uuril jr r u d. Call and tcciull ti cr us j
tl.lurjrcf rour tin .ail „ , m , , o4 In il.ln vr > i > itr , o r
ROOK Tfl UtU * " " ' " " HKH.I * >
pneet V- .
lu , . . . , . .
puuiv nciii fi.t > o.iit.nii iuLfTHjj.u.
Ull ! Ultct.nd V.tlcoc.lc , with qaeilion lilt. ttlrtH
OKLAJIA MKDICAI , ft BUKOIOAI. INSTITUTE.
Uth nd Dodge Btmti , OBAXA , MZB ,
SnroCwsIpc -5'18" ! ' ! -
IhoRrgularOId-Eslablishcd
PHYSICIAN ADD SURGEON
It still Treating with the Grcslett
SKILL and SUCCESS
Chronic , Nervous and Private Diseases.
NERVOUS DKIIILITV , Lort Manhood ,
Fnltlne Memory , Kxlmustlnc Drains , Ttrtlbla
Dreams , Head and I3 ck Acne anil all lite effects
IcAdmg to early decay nml peihips Conaumptlon or
Insanity , iretird < cienltfic lly l < y new melliotlt with ,
r-hnimt tucccx.
SYPHILIS nml nil bad Blood and SUn Dli.
eases permanently cured.
. , .
Gonorrhoea , Slrlctu re , Varlcocele and nil tl ! < caic .
f llie Qctilto-Urlnary Urgani cured promptly without )
Injuiy to Stomnch , Kldne ) * ot oilier OrR m.
44No , aiul
experiments ARC experience tin-
portnnt. Consultation free and encred.
Atf * Semi 4 cent * postage for Celebrated Works on
Chronic , Nervous nml Delicate IMeasci.
OS"1ho canttniphllns Mnrntee ml for Dr.
Clarke's celebrated RiiMe Male and female , each
15 cent } , twth B * ccnti ( ilanipt ) . Consult the old
Doctor , A fnemlly letter orcillmAy 'Meiiitiitesufler-
Irn anil shame , and add poldcn J CAt * to I fe OiHtook
"Life's ( Scciet ) Errors , " socentu ( stamps ) . Mtdlcins
nnd Killings nt cver > litre , secure from exposure.
Iiouti,8to8 , Sundajsgtoii. AdJieu
F. D. CLARKE , M. D. ,
180 So. ClnrK St. , CHICAGO , ILL , *
THE RAILWAY TIME TABLES ,
OMAHA.
arcy gta.j Omaha. ora&n. . vj
* .w
BUUUKIIANTKAINS.
nunnlng betwncn Council niuffu unrt Al
riuliU In inldlilon to Ilia stations mentioned ,
trains Htop at Tucntletli una Tw.nty.roiirtll
. uts , uuilat the Summit lu omuha.
A No , i UifipmA No.l OilOpicu
BIOUX tl ! TV 4. PACIFIC.
A No , 10 7:0 : uinA | No. 9 8Mam :
A No , 12 , . . 7OOpmA : | No. 11 , . . , l:00pni ) :
OMAHA & BT. LOHJB.
A No.8 4:81 : pin A No , 7 12U : > W
A daily ; II daily , oxcout Saturday : 0 axcopy
Gunday ; D except Monday ; /nut mull.
BLAKE , BOISSEVAIN & GO , ,
I.ouilou , 1:11 : :111111 : ,
ADDLPH BOISSEVAIN & CO , ,
AiiiMcrtlum , Ilolluiul ,
Trnntatt n KI'DCTO ! ImiiLliiu bii lno . rccurlllc )
liuunht ami noM on tommUklon , Vortflicn oiilianvtil
Commercial and truvclor'i lolUrn uf ( ffilll.
OriltT , furljoiuli and > tuik < vxfcatdl on laiiiiulx
iloiin In London und on till I'uutliienlul liaurtci 0
Kurouo ,
Nccutalntlon of Hallway , btute , ( Itjr uncl Cori > C ( *
Hlou Lvuiii a j > i'UoHr