THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , MARCH 17. 1889.-SIXTEEN PAGES.
IN THE BARBER'S ' HANDS ,
Peoullnrltioo of Onmhona Whou In *
vltlnpr an Artlotlo Bbavo.
SOME CURL-PAPER MUSTACHES.
t _
Tlic Mnn AVIm Talks , Bnioh.cn , Gronnn
linuRhs , Grumbles nnil Bleeps
\Vlil1o Under the Olld-
Inc Steel.
In tlio Harbor's Chnlr.
There are people In this world to
whom the Bitting in a barber chair ,
while being shaved by a capable barber ,
is one of tlio greatest pleasures which
can bo experienced. There uro others
whoso experience in the chair is abso
lute torture. These varying sensations ,
ip the main , govern the peculiarities
which individuals display while in the
'hands of the barber , borne of these
peculiarities are hero noted by report
ers of Tun Bui : as the result of their
observation in several of the tonsorlal
palaces of this city :
At Morrcll's W. II. Holcombo says :
"Bo careful of ray face. Don't go
ngaln&t the grain. Bathe it in hot
water and lot mo go. "
Tom Orr says , "Once over , comb my
hair dry , am in an awful hurry. "
John Wakofiold says "I want a close
ehavo , and curl my moustache. "
Fred Millurd says "Give mo another
one of these five-minute shaves. "
J..TOO. Oarncau always has a funny
Btory , wnntH u very tender shave and
talks the barber to death about base
ball.
ball.Gene Houghton gets It once over ,
combs hair dry und has nick-names for
the barbcrH.
John Wilbur says "ICO. "
H. C. Dates shaves every day and is
very particular.
Dr. Gluck exclaims "Nothing on my
hair and cosmetic on my moustache. "
J. E. Markoll ejaculates "Cut a hair
' off my whiskers and you will got thirty
days. "
* Bon B. Wood always waits for the
same barber and is very particular.
Milton Barlow cautions the barber to
go very light ; "I'm afraid of you fol
lows. " '
J. S. Collins hates to get shaved by
young barbers , becaubo they look out
doors too much' Ha shaves close and
three times a week.
C. K. Collins Stiff beard , hard to
shave , but easily pleased and gets
scraped Monday , Wednesday and Sut-
vurday.
/ K. W. Nash says : "Givemo a shave
and sea-foam , quick. * '
Guy C. Barton's order is : "Give mo
the best looking man in the shop ; well ,
I guess you'll do ; shave twice over and
very easy. "
J. A. Munroo whispers : "Once over ,
no bay rum , no powder , nothing on
moustache , comb my hair dry. I'm always
waysin a hurry. "
I. W. Miner Just as close as you can
got it. What do you think about the
Grand , anyway ?
Ed Williams wants the barber to
spare whatever hair is loft on top of his
head and talks prohibition.
Frank Parinoleo says : "Just ns close
as you can get it and look out for that
bump on the side of my face. " w
Lou Bradford wants a very tender
bhave , and aln ays complains about the
hair standing up on the back of his
head.
O. S. Montgomery shaves three times
a week , sea foams once , combs his hair
drv and has very little to say.
William Wallace wants a smooth
shave and no extras.
Fred Motz gets shaved every other
flay close , has all the extras.
Bob Garlich sits crooked in the chair
and says "look out for my chinchillas , "
and calls everybody in the shop "Old
Sport. "
Euclid Martin always says ; "I'm waitIng -
Ing , " and wants his mustache curled.
E. H. Sherwood inquires : ' 'Is this
Henry's day oil ? " Not very particular ,
shaves once over.
Jamus Casey "When does the help
comoln ? "
, Eon Newman exclaims : "Oh , cut that
hair a little bit there , clip my neck and
brush it forward.
Harry Hall shaves throe times a week
and takes great pride in his goatoo.
A. L. Strang is easy to please , wants
p , smooth shave and bay rum/
ijJColonoL Hooker fiercely exclaims :
jlTrim { { mv whiskers , and if you go one
hair too deep. It will cost you your life. "
J. E. Boyd shaves once over , very ,
light , andsavs : "Look out for that mole
on my chin. ' '
} C , N. DoltIs very particular and al-
ymys wants the boss' to work on him.
At ChrisWooloy'tf , A7 B. Smith , the
hpavy-wolght assistant general freight
n&ront of the Burlington , shaves daily
and is particular to have all but a Rus
sian mustache and goatee kept beneath
the surface. You have obsprved the
' , gen tool curl on his mustache. Well , ho
has the barber do his mustache up in
paper , and this is Dow the natural curl
is mailo. Ho is very particular about
his mustache and has no regard for
time when the tonsorial artist Is mowing
, hira.
hira.Frank
Frank Ilanlon is somewhat particular
about his moustache , hut is much more
BO about his face. Ho is powdered , on-
nmoled , has a goodly quantity of brilliantine -
liantino lavished upon his moustache.
It is not uncommon for him to doic into
a lethargic utato while being toileted
and to wake up and find that ho has
gained another round on the ladder ol
porpotuul beauty. Wore it not for the
iron clad rules governing barber shops
he would undoubtedly move into a chair
RS ho invariably falls asleep while being -
ing festooned.
* John A. Crolghton gets to the shop
regularly throe times each week ; me
anders to n chair , at cuso and locating
his foot at a llfty-two degree anglo
loans back und prepares for u joint ses
sion day ana night. Ho takes
great pride in his beard whic'i
is long and silvered and when this
U locked after he gazes at his retlcction
In the mirror and guides the barber in
cUrllng his locks , One hair out of
place Crolghton attracts his attention
and the barber must put it straight. Ho
is un inveterate joker and keeps the
waiters and barbers in a roar.
Tom Miller is not much of n dude.
Flo keeps his beard shaved close
and has his moustache trained
weekly with a pair of clip
pers. He is patient and somewhat
enduring and it is not an uncommon
thing for him to bo enjoying a good
sleep when the barber cries "Noxti"
Max Meyer is always in u hurry. Ho
rushes into the shop , jumps into the
llm vacant chair and shouts "ready. '
Ho is u bomi-wcekly patron of long
Louis II , Korty wears an Archibald
curve on his moiitlnoho and has a goatee
ruaombllng un tmt hill. Hushing into
the shop , ho instructs the barber to go
over bin face twco , Hu never fahavcs
flee and doc * nut wall U ) put Ills fcotuj
on the iiitlikpoiituhlo tool , Ills board
in heavy und uvurv tltnu a Imir U lopped
t > f tit > K < ! V' I limtniinoHt ringB IlKo
"
I * KiwUJl I * H regular wit-
ron , hut.novor Affords the barber an op
portunity ot using the razor because ho
never shaves. Ho walks to the shop in
his usual town clock gait , and while the
barber is ut work pruning his locks
Kimball is hard at work reducing a fra
grant cigar lo ashes and smoke. Klin-
ball docs not have his whiskers done up
with hairpins , ns many might imagine ,
but occasionally has his barber round
up the hairs with his miniature prun
ing knlfo so as to bring them within the
statute of limitation.
Adam Snyder is a regular p atron
drops in the chair , puts his foot up nnd
Blnks into innocuous desuetude. Ho
forgets nil business troubles , nnd ns the
artistic twist is put on his moustache ho
smiles with the reflection of n Gebhrmlt.
Snyder always has his hair cut close.
Ho likes a close shave and takes great
pMdo in having his goatee trained with
a base ball curve.
E. Buckingham says : "Thoro now ,
just bring down that instrument once
more nnd then sot mo out on the next
siding. OUchl lot up there , you have
got my whiskers crossed ! Go easy , old
boy , you are getting a winter's crop. "
Bob Baxter says : "You see , now ,
Hint I have got a Turkish twist here on
this upper lip shndo. Well , just keep
up that curve and you and I are friends.
It caused mo a deal of trouble to got
this thing groomed to my satisfaction. "
At Pole and Fred Elsassor's. Philip
Andres always goes to sloop while ho is
being shaved , and although his beard
is the toughest to remove in the city ,
ho docs not mind the dullest of razors
while in thu arms of Morpheus.
John C. Cowin gets shaved every day
and is particular about having his hair
cut long and having the "part" just
above his right car.
David Kaufman's board is the despair
of the barbers and generally takes the
edge off of four razors ; nevertheless ho
gets shaved every day.
Jack Woods also gets shaved every
day anfl wants a Turkish bath thrown
In. Ho makes the barber scrub his
face with hot water and dry it with
a warm towel.
Joe Miller gets shaved throe times a
week and though ho is always in a
hurry generally finds time to stand and
talk awhile after getting out of the
chair.
Colonel Floyd gets shaved every day
and is particular to have his hair parted
in the middle. Ho does not approve of
Cowin's stylo.
John L. Webster always wants to
rend the newspapers while ho is being
shaved and insists on sitting bolt up
right in the chair , much to the tonsorial -
rial artist's inconvenience.
Jolt Bedford gets shaved every day
nnd ns hq wishes to grow a moustache
after the Logan style he has much trou
ble with his barber who insists on shav
ing off the stubble from the corner of
his mouth.
Senator Paulson always makes a bar
gain with his barber to shnvo him
within a certain timo. If the barber
exceeds this , Paulson gets shaved for
nothing , but if the job is completed in
side of the prescribed time the senator
pays double price for it.
Pat Mostyn , like Jeff Bedford , wants
to grow a moustache on the Logan pat-
txjrn , and ho too has great trouble with
his barber over it.
C. A. Baldwin says there is but ono
barber in the world , and that is Pete
Elsnsser.
Pat Hcafy always wants his moustache
curled and invariably patronizes the
sickliest looking barber.
Jack Dolau used to have his snowy
locks grow long , but of late has boon
seized with a mania for having them
cropped short. He is fond of a contrast
of colors and wears his hair white and
board black.
Isaac Hascall always wants a prize
fighter's cut to his hair , and in the
coldest of winter invariably wears it
close clipped. Ho delights in a stubby
beard of about three days' growth , but
never lots it grow any longer.
Chief Soavey always wants the bar
ber to saturate his hair with tonic whenever -
over ho gets shaved. Ho docs not dye
his whiskers as is popularly supposed.
Chief Galligan is very particular
about his shave and gives-1 his orders as
peremptorily ns though ho were com
manding tlio fire brigade. He fre
quently jumps from the chair half
shaved to rush to a flro , but always pays
the barber full price just the same.
W. H. McCord has ono fault to find
with all.tho barbers ; they do not shave
him close enough.
Captain Corraick takes a bath prelim
inary to every shave. Ho dislikes a
oloso rue ; although n "pooler" ho ob
jects to being pooled.
Billy Ingram is very particular about
the curl of his mustache , and always
wants to bo shaved with a white han
dled razor. Ho is silent as to his reason
for the latter idiosynoracy.
John Drcxol gives the barber a stiff
every time ho goes into n shop. Ho gets
shaved whenever ho takes a notion ,
sometimes being in thnt frame of mind
every day and at other times only throe
times a week. Ho takes a bath about
every other time ho gets shaved.
At Magnor's ,7. H. Lichtonbortror ,
shaves three or four , and frequently
five times a week ! The most skillful
barber.it is.said , finds it difficult to
shave ' 'Lichty" satisfactorily , owing to
tlio incessant 'wigging of his tongue.
Magrnor has discarded the ra/or with
this patient and now uses a ainiill lawn
mower.
A. L. Brison is in the chair dully. He
is ono of the most pirticulnr men in the
city. Barbers dread his appearance.
Ho is a great joker 'and laughs so much
they are afraid of cutting his throat.
Warren Rogers is another punctilious
customer. Ho it , razored dally , and it
gives him the night sweats to think of
n bowhiBkored face. Ho will go down
to his graVe ns clean shaven as a door
knob.
knob.W.
W. F. Boohol shave * three times a
week , and would shave oftener if ho
worn't In such a hurry. Ho takes a
close scrape in his'n.
E. Dickinson shaves as regularly as
the cock crows , throe times a week.
His shaves are al.vnys light. Ho
is more particular about his ambro
sial locks than ho is about his faeo. Ho
keeps them out just about so short , and
has them dressed with a nicety that is
most attractive.
J. J , Philbln is proud of his cherubic
visage , and keeps it absolutely destitute
of hirsute ornamentation. lie crystnl-
ized a barber in Cheyenne , three years
ago , for leaving three hairs protruding
irom under his loft auricular.
Harry Douol is ono of the best-known
customers in Omaha. Has shaved every
day for twenty years. It is said ho
would go stark cnuy if ho missed a
day. Ho not only wants a close shave ,
but everything he can got for fifteen
cents , head rubbed , neck washed , nnd it
wouldn't surprise the barber if lie
wanted a Turkish butli thrown in.
Dr. E. W. Lee is very erratio. and
shaves only when ho has time. Some
times every day , then , again not for a
week , nnd "only once over. " Barbers
light to unit on him , ho's so suave and
smooth nnd nlco. Once in a while ho
"tins" hU man. "
El illy Thompson is on hand regularly
every morning. Ho allows no man to
Blmvo him but Mngnor , The bete noir
of his life is a new barber. In the sac
charine hereafter Manner Buys Billy
will uhiivo twice a day. He is what the
jwrtor ciillB u "cuckoo. "
THE END-MAN IN HIS GLORY ,
Negro Mlnstrolny a Quarter of n
Century Ago.
MONEY FLOWED FREELY THEN.
All the Hoys Were Diamonds , Drank
the ChotccHt Wlilnky nnd Smoked
tlio Host Clr nrs Some Old-
Ximo Reminiscences.
The Days of Burnt Cork.
I often hour the question asked ,
"Wlmfhas become of M thb old negro
minstrel men of twenty-live years ago. "
It is a hard question to answer. Many
ot them arc dead , others
have gone into other and more
ronumoratlvo business , while some
are worse than dead. The min
strel business Is not what It was twenty
or twonty-flvo years ago. The same
may bo said of the legitimate drama.
Back In the early sixties there were ton
" " the road
companies or "troupes" on
whore there is'ono now. And it was
truly a badly managed and very snide
affair that didn't pay extravagant sal
aries , besides hotel , railway and other
expenses which were about twice as
largo ns at the present time , and leave
the proprietor a handsome sum at the
close of the season. Negro minstrelsy
was then all the rage with show going
people. Companies were located per
manently in Now York , Philadelphia ,
Chicago , Boston and Cincinnati and did
well financially. While Louis-
vlllo , Cleveland , Indianapolis , Col
umbus and other cities of
the same sixo were considered
good week stands. Any city of from
live to eight thousand was with very
few exceptions , good for two or three
nights , and the shows were patronized
by people in all walks of life. In New
York while the opera and drama
scarcely paid expenses. Birch & Back
ers , Dan Bryant and Butler at 444
Broadway turned people away. Hart
Ryman & Barney at the Glebe has full
houses every night. The best people
of Boston dropped the regular theatres
for Morris Brothers. P ll & Trow-
bridge. Chicago , gave the legitimate
the "shako" for Emerson , Allen and
Manning. The regular houses in Phil
adelphia barely paid oxponbes while
Simmons & Slocum , Carncross & Dixie
and ono or two other companies fairly
coined money.
Money was plenty in those days , and
every member of the profession that
was'anybody , wore diamonds. Every
negro minstrel , irrespective of talent
or goodfollowship , was hail-follow-well-
jnet everywhere. It was an era of petit
noms. It was Jimmy here. Bobby there ,
and Johnny everywhere. After the
evening performance twontylivo cent
whisky , and Havanas at three for a dollar
lar , were free as water to the minstrel
boys. Though there was nothing to
speak of "in the soup , " every old dusty
"chestnut" had its market value , and
they came high , too , age and condition
not'considered. . Every end man and
banjo picker could count his "mashes"
by the score , though they did not call it
by that name then. "Billy Emerhon"
and men of liKe calibre made fortunes
und dropped them. Happy Cal Wag
ner left the locomotive , Arlington the
anvil , and Manning the hack to take up
the burnt cork. They became popular
and wore quickly followed by others
with widely varying successes. The
minstrel mo'n of early days was not edu
cated and rollnod men. Fully two
thirds of them were illiterate and the
other third "wouldn't set the river on
fire , " though a few of thorn were shrewd
enough to make a "pile" and keep it.
It was astonishing how quickly any
funny thing said by an end man would
feproud and become a by-word. Lot one
of them sing a catchy comic song , no
matter how silly the words , and next
day half the city would bo humming it.
Was there ono city boy twenty years
ago that wouldn't saw wood all day and
pass half the night oqploring neighbor
ing backyards in search of copper boil
ers und scrap iron enough to raise the
necessary half dollar to pay his way into
the "nigger show. " The "juirade" was
more of an advertising feature then than
it is to-day. When Blackup & Blow-
horn's All Star minstrels would strike
the town everybody , of course , wouid
turn out to witness the grand "parade , "
which would start from the hall at a
certain hour. It would-nine times out
ten , consist of bass and snare drum ,
with three or four brass horns' and a
pair of cymbals , the bass drummer play
ing the cymbals , of course. If the
weather was fine , and no mud , they
would take the middle of the street.
But it it was muddy they would march
on the sidewalk. This was a source of
great annoyance to the bass drummer.
It would bo all right , maybe , at the
start , but after keeping pretty well up
for a block or" two. ho would , owing to
the crowded condition of the sidewalk ,
bo compelled to fall behind. So when
the head of the band would bo ton
blocks away from the hall , ho would bo
at least live blocks behind. Bass drum
mers who had boon In town before , and
know the line of march , would always
skip up a bide street and catch the rust
of the gang as they came down the next
street always keeping time. Should a'
bilbo drummer got out of time , even un
der such trying circumstances , it is safe
to say ho would never hear the last of
it if , indeed , ho escaucd bodily harm
at the hands of the outraged manager.
Negro minstrel managers , a quarter *
of a century ago , were enterprising nnd
full of nerve. George Christy took a
company to England and succeeded far
beyond his own vivid expectation.
John and Mrs. Bull and the young Bulls
went to see the Yankees' play negro.
They saw them , and were nearly tickled
to death , Christy and his counterfeit
Africans made the beef-eaters laugh.
They wanted to laugh more ,
so Pony Moore and others fol
lowed , All took well , and solid Eng- ,
llbh shillings and pounds rolled into the
cash boxes of the Yankee managers.
Even to-day , curious ab it may seem to
Borne , every miubtrel performer in
England , outside of London , is called iv
"Christy minstrel , " though thoChrlstys
have boon dead foi years.
Gradually the minstrel began to lose
"caste. " Everything was overdone.
Slim houses were the rule. Companies
began to go to pieces before the season
was half over. Many performers loft
the traveling companies and took to the
variety stage. Lyilla Thompson came
across the Atlantic with her blondes.
Other companies of the same ilk quickly
followed. The drama and the opera
took a firmer hold. Variety theaters
sprung up like mushrooms. Dime
museums , roller rinks ana spelling boos
loomed up as counter attractions.
Minstrelsy had lost its hold. These of
the profession being unahlo to secure
engagements in variety theaters , left
their diamonds and other valuables
with their "uncle" for safe keeping ,
drank cheaper whisky and commenced
mapping out lunch routes. Something
must bo done , and done quickly. Gen
eral Jack Havorly came to the rescue
by corralling all of the best unemployed
talent , and springing upon the public
what was then billed ns "Ilavorloy'u
Mustodou Minstrels ; 10 count 'ouiID. . "
Instead of simply bnnesiryid ( tambo , ns
of old , Havorloy inlrodlM a | his eight
"eminent" end men , the end men sit
ting in chairs , the rest of the crowd
roosting on etop-laddorsjU the back of
the singe. '
Mastodon Jack's big company "took"
for a while like hot peanuts. Other
managers commenced to ransack the
country for talent. Everything was to
bo big. Big blowing , big show , big
plug hats , big drumi , big advertising ,
big talk , big lies. Uvoryjhing was big
as time lias shown but salaries and
receipts. Somebody else 'rind Billy Em
erson started on the road fifty strong.
Oomobody rented the old National
theater at Cincinnati , engaged every
"ham" and unemployed song-and-danco
man ho could find. Ho advertised on
alargo scale. There were to bo seventy-
five in the first part , including ton end-
men , among whom were Jenny Allen
and a few other "old-timors. ' ' It waste
to bo n monster affair. The biggest
first part , and biggest olio over soon on
any stage. They opened ns advertised ,
with a house somewhat top-heavy , but
receipts were largo enough to encour
age both manager and performers. The
curtain rose on the biggest and black
est first part over viewed with human
eyes. They sat in rows , ton rows high.
The base drummer was up in the
flies and the base fiddler was
stationed in the alloy back of the
theater. The stage was reasonably
roomy , but there wasn't nn Inch to spare.
The overture was passable. The opening
chorus was flue and well received. But
as cruel fate would have It , Johnny Al
len told the first gag. It came near to
getting him torn to shreds on the spot.
Ho had worked the old shignon gag.
The same audience had brained three
variety men , for the same offoiibo. with
in a year , and they weren't going to
stand it now. The police finally re
stored order , and the funeral proceeded.
A "ham" on the bone end then sang
Root-Hog-or-Dio. An indignant mur-
1110 r ran through the crowd , but as no
body said or did anything very throat-
oiling the first part wont on without
further Interruption and finally came tea
a close.
After a long wait the curtains rose for
the olio. Insult was added to injury.
Signer Gustavo Bldoins boldly and
brazenly stopped from the wings and
prepared to perpetrate a base outrage
the bills called it a bass , viol solo. The
suffering audience know what was com
ing and resolved to choke the signer off.
And with a yell they made for him. Ho ,
not wishing to argue the point , made
for the stage door , followed closely by
the entire company , still in evening
dress and costume. There were no
casualties , the bass fiddle cxcoptcd ,
which was smashed all Into smither
eens. The instrument had boon bor
rowed from "Uncle' ' Mike Lipman , the
well known pawnbroker , for the season ,
and had to be paid for. But the inujj-
ngomont was ahead , from the fact that
the company never cam'O back after
their salaries and personal offiucts. The
minstrel business was ovprdono. Skiff
& Gaylord's , ono of the be t drawing
companies on the road , lost prestige and
was finally forced to disband because
the management wasn't willing to lot
well enough alone. They cauio out with
the "Great Albino Minstrels. ' . ' Some
thing now , but differing from the old
only in matter of color. They blacked
up with whiting , and used white wigs
instead of the black , kinky article.
They sung the sama old songs and told
the same old gasrs in the. same old
nigger dialect. What could ba more
ridiculous and absurd'/
Havorly made money out of the Mas
todons , but us n general thing the largo
organizations did not ipay and woro.
after n season or two , given up as un
profitable. To-day there is not more
than throe or four firrit-ejuss or refined
companies on the road , with maybe half
a do/.on "snaps. " Minstrelsy has lost
nearly if not all of its old 'features. The
old-time performance was , as a well-
known southern writer truthfully says ,
"a burlesque upon a burlesque , " a
coarse , jumbled up and ofttimcs silly en
tertainment , given by a lot of men from
all walks of lifo , with little or no stage
training , some of whom were oven too
ignorant and obtuse to make any ad
vancement , all because tlio public didn't
complain , and anything would go. But ,
everything has changed. The minstrel
performance of to-day is a refined en
tertainment , free from anything approaching
preaching coarseness or vulgarity , and
given by witty , talented , genteel men
true artists.
Of the old-time minstrel men who
wore well-known and popular a quarter
of a century ago , but few are now alive ,
Dan Bryant died in Now York years
ago. as did Nelso Seymour , Nowcomb
and Eph Horn. Billy Mori-is died years
ago. John Unsworth , G. W. H.
GrifHn , Hy Rumsoy , Charley Backus ,
Gaylord. Billy Manning , Bob Hart and
many others for whoso names I have not
space , are dead. Nearly all of them
made big money in the business , but
djed poor. They were a good lot of fol
lows , open-hearted and generous to a
fault. Peace to their ashes. A few have
gone over to the legitimate , and are
doing well. Quito a number arc gain
ing fame and fortyuo on the variety
stage. Some are engngod in business ,
and many unable to bhako off some of
tho. old habits acquired in more prosperous -
porous convivial days , uro making _ fast
time on the downward road.
Fifty cats perished In u llro in Scloto town
ship , Ohio , the other iluy.
A lobster us blue as indigo WAS captured
Saturday lu Fisher's Island sound , Conn.
It U reported from Kush Valley , Utah , that
a mine of natural shoa blacking has been dis
covered on u mlna there.
Mrs. Pauline Kinjj , or Springfield , 111. , Is
said to have fasted forty days , and yet con
tinued to do all her housework.
The hair of King Otho of Havariu , re
cently turned white in a night , and two ser
vants have to support him wherever ho ROCS.
A log , i-ut lately on the line of ino North
ern Pacific railroad , In Washington , was
nearly eight feet six Indies In diameter. It
was taken from a spruce tr6o 1 1X1 feet high
A whale , ninety feet long1. th6 llrst scon
there In twenty years , lately Svont aslinro In
the Cniionhugen Sound , and was killed. Its
skeleton is to bo forwarded to thu Copenha
gen museum. 1 , <
A duck was killed In SpotUylvnnla courUy ,
Virginia , which had a nail < two < iuehcs long
protruding through the frizwird into the en
trails. It seemed to causo'tho duuk no In
convenience , us It was lively' as a cricket before
killed. J '
fore it was
A tram of seven Pullman sleepers Jumped
a broken rail on the Pennsylvania railroad ,
near Altoomi , on Monday , and ulter running
on the tics for several hundred -foot regained
the track again and wont dashing along ,
without doing any damage. , TUo train was
running at the rate of thirty-live uiilestm
hour.
In a justice court at Bristol , N. II. , the
other day a dwatf , four feet in height , was
tried for an assault on a wlx-footor weighing
200 pounds. It appeared in evidence that
tbo little fellow loaned the big fellow somu
fish lines , which were kept a year , and then
in response to a suggestion forthclr retura.
cotton twlno , with bent pin hooks , were sent
In their place , The next time they met the
little follow gave the big fellow what the
neighbors called a "llckin' , " and the ilsh
lines came back. The defense was "provo
cation , " and the justice dismissed the case.
The admiring spectators promptly paid the
little fellow's expenses.
Sudden changes of temperature and
humidity of the atmosphere often pro
duce disorders of the kidneys and blad
der. Use Dr. J. H. McLean's Liver
and Kidney Balm to check tbcbo
troubles iu their iuclplcucy.
HE JOKED ON HIS DEATHBED
Poor Phil Woloh Made "Sunbeams"
in a Hospital.
SELLING TICKETS FOR PRAYERS'
Extraordinary Scheme of A London
Chnrch ' Venerable Piuipowi
Elope Bulolilod From Plquo ,
Married on the Hun.
The Curious Side of tilfo.
In its obituary on Philip H. Welch ,
the humorist , who died of cancer re
cently , the Now York Sun says : The
opoi-ntlon by which ho lost his tongue
was performed nearly throe years ago.
It 16ft him able to talk , but , of course ,
very imperfectly like a tongue-tied
person. Two years passed and last sum
mer another cancer formed , this time
on his chest. Again the surgeons wont
at him , knife in hand , and again Welch
appeared at the Sun olllco after a fort
night's illness.
"Old fellow , " said a friend , "how nro
the jokes coming now ? Are you not
opressed to find that you wore not
cured , after all , by the first operation ,
and that cancer is still'In your system ? "
"Depressed ? " said the humorist. "I
was horribly depressed , so horribly that
I had to turn my whole attention to
writing jokes. I wrote more jokes and
nnulo more money while I was lying
abed recovering from this hist opera
tion than I over wrote in tlio same
length of time before. 1 had to do It.
I did not dare to think of mybolf. "
Hero is a joke written from the hospi
tal and sent to the Sun :
M'OU.ii > 11V TIMIJ.
Free Lunch Expert ( to bartender ) Them
cucumbers nlii't as fresh as thuy might be ,
Mr. llnrbcep.
Unrtendcr They were fresh enough when
you boRan on the lunch , but how long tlo
you expect cucumbers to icinain fresh I
Hero is another :
M.nm.r.ss AXMHTV.
Mr. HiKUtona Ho.illy , my dcnr , I wish
yon would not expose yourself so much at
the party to-night.
Mrs. Hlghtone No , love , I shan't ; I aui
Koing to weur gloves up to tlic elbows.
Fancy that coming from under a
surgeon's knife , written by n man in
the very bloom of life lying in a hos-
pitiil , knowing ho miibtsoon die , think
ing of the world he loved and yet must
soon leave , of his wife and the two
charming little girls that on sunny
mornings always tooic a hand of his , one
on either side'for a walk out of doors.
What bdcomos of the pictures Dickens
drew of the clowns who bounded on the
stage or In the ring to hide their grief
over some one's sickness or death ? A
score of great writers have dwelt on
sucli phases in the lives of public per
formers , but what arc all their stories
as compared with the facts about Phil
WatchV Ho was of an acutely sensitive
temperament ; it was his own body that
was lacerated , his own mind that was
torn , and instead of brilliant lights
and roirs of laughter and applause to
bolster him up , bo saw hospital waljs
and hospital beds while ho cracked his
jokes witli his pencil.
An old gentleman named Smith of
Falls township wont to Za/nesvillo , O. ,
recently and bought a collln , paying $50
for it and taking u receipt. The coilln
is to bo delivered when ho dies. Ho
then visited the marble works and se
lected a monument , for which he paid
$70. Ho is wealthy and in good health
but declares ho fools much bettor now
that lie has those little matters attend
ed to.
Some of the Catholics of New York
city are much annoyed over an extraor
dinary demand for donations that is
being promulgated by ' 'The Now
Church of the Great Patriarch of St.
Joseph , Highgatq Hill , London. " The
appeal comes in the form of circulars
addressed "To All Catholics. " These
circulars , it is said , are being widely
distributed in the United States. They
explain in detail a scheme by which
every subscriber of sixpence will have
a share in the perpetual prayers and
masses of the church. There is a plan
of ticket and coupon , by which the per-
bon who buys the ticket has the name of
the person or matter , to bo prayed for
written in the coupon , so that when the
coupon hooks arc returned to the church
tjio record will bo complete.
An eminent Catholic theologian of
Now York was uSkod if the Roman
Catholic church of America approved
of such a scheme for raising money.
"Emphatically no. " ho replied , and then
quoted an extract from the decrees of
tlio council of Baltimore.
Wo all know the Wicked Cousin w ho
forges the signature of the Dying and
Paralytic but Vory0Amiablo Lady to a
will as well as that of Another Near
Relative , who conveniently dies within
a few days of the lady , says the St.
.T.imos Giv/otto ; nor are wo ignorant of
the Virtuous and Intelligent Lawyer
who in duo time produces the true will ,
ousts the Wicked Cousin who has al
ready taken possession , and brings upon
him the oilicoM of tno law. Wo should
bo doing injustice to our many brilliant
writers to deny our acquaintance with
all those. But wo confess we wore
somewhat surprised to meet them all In
a law court , behaving for all the world
as if it wcro n shilling shocker or a lo'-
gitimato melodrama. Caroline Morgan
died on the 2d of February , 1888 ; Sam
uel Morgan forged her name to a will
which ho dated the 20th of January ,
1888 , together with that of his uncle
Joseph Morgan , "who died on the 120th
of that month , Hu got his false will
proved , and entered into posocssion as
soon as possible : but a lowyor came for
ward with a will dated R few days be
fore , and it was proved that at the time
when the one which is now pronounced
to have been forged was dated the
forger could not huvo been with Miss
Morgan , and if ho had boon she could
not have signed her name , as she was
utterly disabled by a paralytic stroke' .
So it. was decided by Mr. Justice Butt
that Samuel Morgan had no right to the
2,000 ; "Instead of which" ho gets ( at
the instigation of the treasury ) n term
of bevon years' penal servitude ,
Two young trnirips at Glenn's Ferry
attracted attention last wcolc , both be
ing very young , and one looking like n
girl , says the Salt Lake Tribune , Being
questioned , they said they wore from
Sioux City , Towa , and owned that the
smaller was u girl , but they wanted to
marry. So a wedding was got up for
thousand they wore married and will
bo given work there , though they Bald
they started for Washington territory.
The story told of the Gorman maiden
and the boss plumber who spent their
courting nights in innocent slumber in
their chairs , was paralleled in myexpo-
rionce , for one of the young women in
my list of sweethearts used to tell mo
that her sister hud u beau , u fanner ,
who always fell asleep soon nftor ho hnd
come to see her , writes Julian Ralph in
the Epoch. Ho hnd done a hard day's
work on the farm , and she had boon
tircsomoly employed in the house.
Neither ono had anything to converse
about , EO when lie feu asleep she set
tled herself for a nap , and whichever
ono woke first awakened the other ,
thereupon the young farmer bade the
young lady good Highland wont away
it might bo 11 o'clock or it might bo 8
o'clock In the morning.
The London tarS thus describes the
opening day of the trial of Bishop King ,
now in progress in London :
"Mr. Edward White , by Divine Prov-
donco Lord Archbishop of Canterbury ,
Prlmato of all England and Metropoli
tan , " in an oniclal citation summoned
the Right Rev. Dr. King , bishop , to ap
pear before htui at Lambeth Palace to
day. Dr. King Is charged with burning
candles in nn unorthodox fashion , for
standing on the west when ho ought to
have boon on the north of the holy
table , for describing a cross by the
movements of his hands , and perform
ing various ritualistic genuflexions and
papistical practices calculated to im
peril Anglican orthodoxy and under
mine life Establishment. " The trial
took place in ono of the libraries of the
palace a sombro room with an arched
ana pannolcd roof. The walls wore
covered with traces of damp , and the
windows wore stained with -dust.
There were books In the library old ,
mouldy , musty volume in antiquated
bindings. They were carefully num
bered , and covered with dust. The
shelves which contained the venerable
volumes looked modern , and were ele
gantly carved round the mouldings.
There was a line old-fashioned carved
mantelpiece in the room , which was
surmounted by n mitre. An antique
iiroplaco to match was blocked up , and
a modern stove did duty instead. The
books are stowed away in recesses , leav
ing the HOOP of the room clear. A bar
rier In the shape of a rope divided the
room into halves , ono being for the trial
proceedings , and the other for tlio con-
oral public.
A rather exciting marriage took
place at the Wonderland museum in
Memphis. Tlio groom was William
Quinn , the lecturer of the museum , and
the bride Venio Cavalier , ono of the
Albinos on exhibition. The affair was
entirely unexpected to the goodly com
pany of. freaks and employes , and there
was a great commotion when a justice
of the peace appeared in the place and
called up the loving pair. John Cav
alier , also an Albino and a brother of
the bride , rushed forward and forbade
the bans. "Stand back"said the jus
tice , 'and do not come between these
whom the law would join. "
Nothing daunted , the brother grabbed
the bridegroom by the collar , and the
groom grasped him by the hair. They
wa't/.eil ' around the hall in a hostile em
brace , the bride clinging to her ehoion
and the justice following in a trot , re
pouting the formula required by law
By ttie time the circuit of the room was
completed tlio justice announced that
the twain were man and wife , an d then
sailed in and separated the irate hus
band and brother. The newly married
couple loft the hall under the protec
tion of the law. The brother swears
vengeance on his new relative.
The remarkable change of sex r c
contly reported from Uarford county ,
Md. , is rivaled by a similar case at Rest
poslofliee , Virginia. In January. 1SS4 ,
the postmistress , Lydiu Rebecca Pay no ,
astonished her family and everybody
else by marr.\ing Sarah Ilinton.
"Becky , " as she was generally known ,
was always noted for her masculine
ways , but before she could get the
county officials to issue n marriage
license she had to procure from a phvsi-
cian a certificate that she nad under
gone physical changes that made ifr
clear that "Boeky" was in reality a
niHJi. She discarded her female apparel
ana is now a prominent citizen of the
Shetmndoah valley. Two children have
boon the result of Payne's marriage.
Another member of the family , a sup
posed sister , has undergone similar
changes that place her undeniably in
the masculine gender. Loha , which is
this one's namu , has not yet discarded
frocks , but rumor has already betrothed
her to a young woman of the valley.
Patrick Mulligan , a spoony swain of
seventy-nine years , and Hannah II.
Call , a giddy girl of.eighty-four , in
mates of the Ramsey county ( Minn. )
poor house , eloped recently and went to
St. Paul intending to got married.
When their flight was known at the
poor house the police In St. Paul were
notified and an officer of the union depot
squad arrested the aged couple as they
stepped from the suburban train on the
Duluth road which they had boarded at
Gladstone. Mulligan hnd been an in
mate of the poor house for two months ,
but ho was paying for his keeping , and
had n little money loft to start house
keeping. Mrs. Call had been at the
poor house for moro than two years.
She has worked in the kitchen and was
peeling potatoes when Mulligan fli > t
saw her and became enamored.
Mrs. Amelia Terry , wife of E. R.
Terry , a Now York shipping agent ,
recently suicided in Brooklyn under
peculiar circumstances , Mrs. Terry ,
quarreled with her husband at their
homo on Jackson place because ho hud
not coinu homo in time to go to n con
cert. After Mr. Terry had loft the
houbo she wont to a closet and took a
quantity of rut poibon. After taking it
she became repentant and she hunt her
little daughter out to purchase borne
mustard , which she intended to use as
nn cirictic. It was ineffectual , however ,
and she died in great agony.
For ScaslokncsH
Use Hereford's ' Acid Phosphate.
lr. Price , of the White Star S. S. Or-
munlo , says ; "I li.ivo prescribed it In my
practice uinqrip the passenger * ) traveling to
and from Europe , in this steam or , mid the re
sult has satisfied mo that if tiikcn In time , it
will , in a gicat many cases prevent sea
sickness. "
CONNIJBIAMTIE9.
Vice President Morton has live eligible
daughtcrx , and yt't many think the responsi
bilities of his position are light.
AToledo woman who has t\v Ice been dlvoi ccd
from ono man. married him two wroks ago
/or tlio third timo. Altogether she lias been
married six times to tlir ccmcn
Maggie MltchoU'H husbinil , Mr. PaiMoo'c
will not contest her divorce suit it she will
pay him tJS.OOO. Maggie s.iya she will not
pay It when she can got a utvorcu In Chicago
for much less.
An enterprising resident of Langrcs ,
France , who had been ariextcd for shooting
at his sweetheart , uiaile lovu to tno Jailer's
daughter. She assisted him to escape uud
the pair then eloped.
At u MUlvlllo woddlntr a few evenings ago
the officiating clergyman said ; "What God
has put asunder lot no man Join together. "
The guests began to titter and the reverend
gentleman revisu < l his remarks.
An Anthens , Go. , young man paid a father
$5 for the privilege of courting his daughter.
Ho married another girl uud duuiaudod back
the (5. The old uian.offict the bill with an
account for flro wood nnd koroscno oil. Thd
matter was compromised.
It-Is enld thnt BOVCU out of every ten wfd
ows unncr thirty-five ro-mftrry within two
year * nftor widowhood. This , wo nro plowed
to say , scorns to prove thnt n Inrgo per ccnt-
BRO of these women who have tried nmr-
rlngo do not doom It n failure. It would bo
nterosltng to know mnny widowers try U
Ingaln.
At the mnrrlngo of Lady Idlnn Neville ( a
Mr. Urnssoy. in England , the bridesmaids
were cricketing costumes , the colors boln
carnation pink , grcon nnd white. This
showed a lack ot peed tntto , A marriage If
n solemn thing , nnd 1C bridesmaids nro golnq
to come out In cricketing costumes , wo need
not wonder that some time the groom up *
pears Ina tennis suit.or n base ball uniform.
Who Indeed ?
Now York World : On the Rlalto
Marcollus ( astronomical ) By Jovol that
Venus is a beautiful star.
Bernardo ( professional ) Venus !
Don't know her. Who is her innnngerY
MIME
SnrnfinmH ESTABLISHED issi i ieo so.
BuTU WiresJ ! Chicago , Ilia. 1 ClorkOt.
The Regular Old-Established
PHYSICIAN AND SURCEOtf
U ttm Treating with tha Groatnt
SKILL and SUCCESS
J yv-r . * , !
Chronic , Nervons and Private Diseases/
S-NERVOUS DEBILITY , Loit Manhood ,
Failing Memory , Exhauitlnc Drains , Terrlblo
Dreamt , Head , and Back Ache and nil the efTectt
leading to early decuy and peihapt Consumption ot
Insanity , treated scientifically by new methods with
never-falling IUCCHI.
SYPHILIS and ll bad Blood and Skin DI .
easel permanently cured.
? -KlDNEYand URINARY complaintGleet ,
Gonorrhoea , Strlctu re , Varlcocele and all tlkcaiei
of the QenltO'Urlnary Cream cured promptly without
Injury to Stomach , Kidneys or oiher Organs.
93" No experiments. Age and experience Im *
portent. Consultation free and sacred.
9S Bend 4 cents postage for Celebrated Works ou
Chronic , Nervous and Delicate Disease ! .
S-Thosf contemplatinc Mairiace > end for Dr.
Clarke's celebrated guide Male nnd Female , each
IS cents , both 35 cents ( stamps ) . Consult the old
Doctor. A friendly letter or cell may save future sufier *
ing and shame , and add golden years to life. * 9"lloolc
"Life's ( Secret ) Errors , " 50 cents ( stamps ) . Mediclns
And writings sent everywhere , secure from exposure *
Hours , B to 8. Sundays 9 to 11. Address
F. D. CLARKE , M. D. ,
186 So. Clark St. , CHICAGO , ILL.
UOCTOlt
Charles M , Jordan
Successor to
BOCTOIC
J. CRESAP McCOY ,
( Late of Uelleviio Hospltnl.NewYorkt
( Late of the University of New York City nivl
] low aid Unht-iHlty , Washington , D , C.
HAS ornons
No. 31O and 311 Raracro Building
Corner riftrenth nnd Hartley fits , , Oinahn , Neb.
where all curable cnsei arc ttcatocl
with success.
Note Dr. Chatles M. Jordan Mils been icM
drnt physician for Jr. McCoy. In Omaha , tot
the past year anil Is thu iiliynlchui who hat
maiUi Hie cuies that have buuu imbllshuj
\\eckly In this paper.
Medical diseases treated skilfully Deaf *
noes , Consumption , Ilionchltla , Axthnm , I ) ) *
pepblnHheumatlmn and all Nervous and
SklnDlsoasos.
CONSULTATION ut oiHce or by mull , II.
Olllce hours to II n. m , , S to I p. in. , 7 to Sp.
in. , Sunday oii ! < e hours troin 0 u. m . to I p. m.
Con esnomlenre t ec l vi > s prompt uttuntlim.
AlanvalseasBS arttre.uocl mirciMifiillV by Dr.
Jnrilonthroiitfii the mullR.anil It Is tlmfl possible
for those unahlo to make a journuy to obtuln
HiicoicssruL HOSPITAL TIIHATMUNT AT
Till ; IK 1UIMKH.
H. B. IREY.
TO LOAN ,
On City and Farm Proocrtyl
GASH ON HAND ,
First Mortgage Paper Bought.
Fren/.or Block , opp. P. O.
WHEN YOU BUTT A
CIGAR !
SEE THAT THE
"RED LABEL"
IS ON THE BOX-
EJ.McGfew
. ,
One of the Most Successful
SPECIALISTS
In the Treatment of all Chronic , Spe
cial and Private Diseases ,
LOSS OF MANHOOD , : ; : : ' ,
Beximl OIKHIII , absolutely curuil ,
PRIVATE DISEASES ,
anttail.
QKIU niFA < JFQ hl trentment for whl'ih
OMIl UIOtrtpLOi ntvc the most beautiful
complexion , find u perfect bsln.
CONSULTATION FREE :
becd stamp for reply ,
Olfico Bushman Bloo * . S0tli and
L-ouulau Sts. Omaha ,