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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (June 10, 1888)
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY. JUNE 10. 188S.-SIXTEEN PAGES. CUPID'S ' WEEKLY BULLETINS , Haps and Mishaps of the Matrlmon- ! f . ial Market. HOW THEY COURT IN MISSOURI. A Contortionist's Ilrlilo A Dusky Quccn'a Ilomnnco Mnrrlnga Customs In China CoitnnhlnlltlcB. In tlio Corridor. Kcw Orleans Pltai/iinc. Last nlfiht when the oporn was over , Slio stood in the corridor dim , Alone with licr pillant her lover , Saying good night to him. The moonlight wns white in the courtyard , The corridor silent nnd gray ; 'Twns sweet to be there with her lover , Saying good night that way. Ho vowed ho was starving to kiss her I wonder why didn't ' ho then ? I'm sure there could ho nothing sweeter , Except that he Iclss her ngain , Ho stt'oro I lie dead rose on her bosom Hml died from the touch of his lips , Vet he only oirussod Its pnlo petals With shy llnger-tlps. O , her lover Is dull about women , This shyiiCRs discloses , Else ho would have answered lovo's longings , Under these roses. Missouri Courtship. "When I wns a young man , " said u politician tlio other day , "I traveled In the southwest considerably , soiling sad dles , etc. On one of my trips I stopped over night in a settler's cabin in south- cast Mlphouri. The settler and his family wore mighty cordial , gave mo the best they hud and made mo welcome to a bunk on the Iloor with them. The oldest ( laugh tor was sixteen or seventeen years old and a perfect bounty for her bituation. She wns the kind ot n girl a novelist would break Ids neck to get hold of for u heroine. She'd bo very picturesque and pleasing in a boolc , but I shudder when I think of her in real life. She took mil to n shine to mo and before wo laid down she hud told mo nearly avorvtliing she over heard. A heavy rain fell during the night , and as the road had been heavy before , they wore not passable the next morn ing. So I had to stay at the cabin The girl was very attentive for the three days I was there , and on the even ing of the lust dny she wml , 'Say , is you unB marriedV I told her 'no , ' and wanted to know why she asked. 'Well , if you tins ain't'sho said , 'wo tins might . ' " got spliced. The speaker puupcd to allow his hear ers time to break all their buttons , and than continued : "Her father approved heartily of the .plan. 'I've been wishing you uns would hjtch over since I scon you uns , ' ho said , and the whole family was so con gratulatory that I was afraid to decline. J.pretondcd to accept , and offered to ride to the meeting-houso about twenty miles away and got the preacher. They laughed at the idea. 'We uns can marry ourselves by kissing over candle - dlo , ' the girl said. I insisted on the preacher , and after a long argument got my horse out to ride for him. Just as I was about to mount , the girl came out of the cabin arrayed to go with mo. That was too much. I mounted in a hurry , laid a switch to the horee's Hanks and rode oil at the top of the horse's speed. I have , never scon the charmer feince. " How Ho Won Her. A young countryman who had long loved a , girl who lived a inilo or two from him was nearly in despair about winning her hand , says the American ( Ga. ) Telegraph , and was on the eve of selling out and leaving the country , us the girl had refuted him throe times , and it wns out that she was engaged to another follow. Our hero hud noticed that his rival and the girl would walk in an old meadow field nearly every afternoon , mid ho grow madly jealous. In his cattle ho had a young bull that was always mad with everything but his master , because ho was an especial pot. Now Dave , as ho culled the bull was to be the object with which to suti- ute his revenge. lie would turn him into the meadow , hide himself nnd see his rival tossed hko n foot-bull. So one afternoon calling to Uavo , who would follow him like a dog , ho repaired to the meadow , let the fence down , and turned the bull \ in. Ho then strolled oil , and walked ; around as miserable as a man could bo who was committing an evil deed. An hour or so later ho heard the deep mut- torlngs of the bull , and hastening to the meadow foiico ho saw Dave about twenty yards from the couple ; pawing dirt and shaking his head. Tlio man wns trying to got the girl to run , but Bho was so terrified she could not move. The bull made a dash , and the fellow ran shrieking for the fence. The bull rusliod on after the shrieking follow , while our disconsolate young man , hav ing jumped tlio 'fence , rushed to the girl , as the bull dtishcd on after the fu gitive rival , and , catching her in his arms , told her that such a coward was unworthy of her. As Dave saw his young master he loft off pursuing the othnr man , returned and wont to lick ing his hand , while the indignant girl vowed she would never more speak tea a man that was afraid of a cow. She teen afterward married Dave's boss. Mnrrhxl n Dusky QIICIMI. The romantic career of Charles \V. Dunks , of this city , has already been detailed in these columns , bays the Al bany ( N. Y. ) Journal. Bunks was mar ried in this city in 1808 , to an estimable lady , and then wont to San Francisco , where ho secured a position in the ox- pro SB oillco of Wells , Fargo & Co. Ho prospered , nnd having mudo .himself popular with everybody and gained the conlldonco of his employers , ho sud denly dUupponrcd nbout two years ago with $50,000 belonging to the company. Detectives wore sent on the truck of the defaulter. Ho was traced to Tahita , in the Sand wich iblande , but had left in a schooner a few hours before the olllcors arrived. His subsequent career has been adven turous and romantic. A favoring pule directed his craft to the shores of Rare- tonga , Cook's island , in the South Pa cific , whore the beautiful but dusky Queen Ulakoa ( Ulakea in English , but something else in her own picturesque language ) reigned quietly and kindly over her loving tribe. She is a widow , but ceased abruptly to grieve for her departed lord when the hund- Eome and manly bearing and tigure of Mr , Dunks loomed up before her in her Suiot , luxurious homo. Ho was a wun- eror , wonry and forlorn , nnd siio a widow , sad and lonely , but with lots of this world's goods and a largo heart , which she unhcbitatlngly throw at his feet. feet.Her Her kindness won him , coupled with her own Yankee ingenuity , which told him that ho had struck it rich , and ho availed himself of the fortunate oppor tunity equally us unhesitatingly us it had been opened to him. There at Ilarotonpa , sufo from the law's strong grasp , where the climuto is glorious and warm all the year round , Dunks is now living , duly domesticated , ana ac knowledged as king , and receiving the homage ) of the people , who adore him , because their beloved queen has sot them the example. The detectives who found him there say ho expresses no desire to return to his native country , but seems satisfied to continue his life of idleness nnd power. Meanwhile Mrs. Banks , the de serted wife , becoming acquainted with those facts came on to Now York and commenced an action for divorce , which was terminated in her obtaining the coveted decree. The Contortionist's Itrldo. William C. Daly , n member of the Daly family of acrobats , now connected with Foropaugh'e circus , and Emma McMonnmln , a rosy-cheeked lass of sev enteen' years , says the Philadelphia Press of a recent date , mot for the first time in Forepaugh's theatre on last Tuesday evening. First the pair exchanged glances nnd then words. Duly escorted her to her homo and invited her to meet him on Thursday night. She consented and they visited another theatre. It was late when the performance ended , and Emma told William that she wns afraid to go homo at that hour. Ho provided her with shelter and asked her to become - come Ills wife. Her answer was in the alllrinatlvo. nnd they were united by Rev. Mr. Strickland in Cumdun on Fri day , tn the evening Daly look his bride to the benne of her parents. John McMcnumln , the father of Kmnm , who hud been annoyed over the absence of his daughter , Hew into a passion when the acrobat introduced liimbclf and said that Emma was his wife. McMeimmin called in Policeman DunlilYo , Seventh district , and hud Daly arrested for having abducted his daughter. The case was hoard before Magistrate Smith at the central station yesterday morning. John MoMonnmin told the story of his daughter's disappearance and murriuirc. Emma followed with her statement , which was substuniully us given above , and showed the certifi cate of marriugo. "How cunio you to scrape up an ac quaintance so easily with u stranger and get married bo quickly ? " asked the court of the bride. 'I thought ho was a real nice young fellow , and when ho asked mo to marry him I coiibontcd , " wus the reply. "What do you m-opo o to "do with your wife , Duly ? " inquired the court. "Take euro of her , of course , " said the prisoner. "Remember , she is your wife , and you must provide for her , added the mag istrate , and. turning to McMcnumin , ho remarked ; "Your dnughter is over the ago of consent , and us they were legally married I cannot interfere. I suppose yon must make the best of a bad bar gain. " McMenumin , his wife and Emma then loft and when Duly was released from the dock ho speedily followed them. Tliis IH In China. In Ghana if a bride break the heel of her shoo in going from her father's to her hiibbuml's house it is ominous of unhappincss'in her now relations , says the Montreal Star. A piece of bacon and u parcel of sugar are hung on the buck of a bride's hcdan-chair as a sop to the demons who might molest her on her journey. The "Three Baneful Ones" ure fond of suit and spices , and the "White Tiger" likes sweets. A bride , while putting on her wedding garments , stands in a round , shallow basket. This conduces to her lending a placid , well-rounded life in her future home. After her departure from her father's homo her mother puts the basket over the mouth of the oven , to stop the mouths of all who would make advor&o comment on her daughter , and then sits down before the kitchen range , that her pence and leisure may bo duplicated in her daughter's life. AStrmifje Case. At Montgomery , Ala. , a remarkable case was recently argued in the supreme court. The name of the cube is A ! T. Hiiibon and J. W. Bush , administrators , vs. Mrs. Annie .7. Bush. The ciiso has no parallel in English or American law books or prac tice. It cume up from the Butler county chancery court. Some years ago Air. Richard'II. Bush , a well-known fellow citi/.en and prosperous planter of Butler county , married Mrs. Mary Johnson. At the time of the marriage Mr. Bush was a widowar and Mrs. Johnson was 11 widow. They lived to gether a your or two and bopuruted his wife , formerly Mrs. Johnson , going to Texas. After they hud been separated tscvorul years Mr. Bush divorced Mrs. Johiibon , and shortly afterward married Mibs Annie Habin , of Fort Deposit. Mr. Bush and his young wife lived happily together , Mrs. Johnson remaining in Texas , and for a time matters went on smoothly. Last year Mr. Bush died , leaving his young wife with one child , nnd a number of other children by hib first wife , who hud died before ho married Mrs. Johnson. In life ho hud been a money-making man , anil ut death ho left a considorublo amount of property. Shortly after his death his widow , nee Harbin , filed her claim for a dower interest in the estate. A little Inter Mrs. Joluihon cumo buck from Texas and also Hied a claim for dower interest in the Bush estate. She noted under the udvico of lawyers. Some years ago the supreme court of Ala bama decided that a divorced wife was entitled to a dower interest in her former hubbund'b estate. But in that case the husband hud not married again , nnd there , is where the dilTorcnco comes in. The result wus that Mrs. Johnson carried her claim into the Butler chancery court , nnd the chan cellor allowed her a dower interest. Mrs. Bush's claim hud already been recognized , and in order to settle the question as to who Mini ) have the dower the cube has now been argued and is pending in the supreme court. A AVHI Mated Couple. A few days ago a Rock county couple came to St. Paul , says the Pioneer Press. They had got well along in years , and being without children had decided to coma to the city and apply ut one of the orphan asylums for a child to adopt , While on the train coming to St. Paul they had some discussion on the subject , in which a decided disbimi- lurity of views wns developed. The wife wanted to adopt a girl baby , while the husband insisted that the foster child bhould bo a boy baby. She would not budge an inch from the position shohnd assumed on the question , nnd ho wns onuully tenacious to his purpose of adopting a boy and bo they urgued the question all the way to St. Paul to the intoitbo edification of all the passenger * seated in their vicinity , nnd they landed at St. Paul with the problem still un solved. They went to the Merchants' hotel and there kept up the argument. The deadlock had not been broken when the time came for their train to leave for homo , nnd as ouch knew the other well enough to ronlizo that there would bo no giving in on either side , a truce was declared , nnd the couple , after all their trouble and expense , re turned homo childless , as they came. CON.NUIHALilTiKS. At Sasscr , ( ju. , Saturday , a white man by the numo of Brown was married to a negro woman and the ccrinony wus i > crfonned by iv now preacher. After the wedding breakfast of Prince Henry and tlio 1'ritiixa * Irene ut Utriin , vrnilo tUo bride was dressing for the Journey her garter vww cut up and the pieces dis tributed among her maids of honor , In ac cordance with nn old Gorman custom. Benjamin Smith nnd Annie Jones were married not long ngo After the ceremony was over the bride was Annie mated nnd the groom Uennio tilted. Miss Lcollno Daniel , of Athens , Louisiana , whllo preparing for her wedding became suddenly 111 , nnd died nbout the hour she waste to have been married. Mrs. Frank Leslie snvs she declines an average of two offers of marrlngo" dully. Must bo the boys arc trying to work her by making bogus proposals. A mnn named Blessing 1m dst been mar ried In Hnrrisburg. In this case the groom's father gave the bride the Blessing , instead of the bride's father giving it to the couple. A South Carolina girl was married five times In seven weeks , and Is now bothered to know which one of the chaps is her true husband. She bus been sent to jail to think it over. "Mr. Dusenbcrry , you were outrageously cheated In buying that suit. You are too easily catlsfied. " "Yes , dear , that's what my mother told mo when she heard I wus going to marry you. " A Kansas man In revenge stole n child of n woman who refused to marry him nnd tins grown so attached to It that he refuses to give It , up to the mother , even under threat of legal proceedings. True lovo's most signal triumph over pov erty and ago must bo In the recent marriage In Devonshire between n spinster of seventv- live nnd n bachelor of sixty , both In receipt of parish assistance. Mrs. Helen Hoosted , of Pennsylvania , Is n very much unmarried woman. She has out lived six husbands nnd been divorced from eight others. Helen Is n candidate for mat rimonial honors nguin. A notable wedding occurred nt Livermore , Ky. , recently. O. A. Algood of this citywho is only four feet In height , was married to Mis Minnie Dewitt , of Liviu , Ky. , who Is several Inches shorter of stature. Not one hundred miles from Boston lives nn energetic fnrmernnd milk peddler. The dny before Fast day ho was nmrricd. Fast day morning ho cm nod his bride to the rail way station on his milk wagon and uadc her nn affectionate adieu as she started on her three weeks' wedding journey alone. L A young woman rushed In upon n wedding party In I'uris before the marriage nnd pre sented the bridegroom with n baby , scream ing : "Coward , talto charge of jour ofT- sprlngl" The groom's protests were coldly received and the bride fainted. But n mo ment later the Intruder said : "I ic.illybeg pardon ; I mudo a mistake. This Is not the father of my child. " A gentleman who had been In the hnbit of beating his wife one day had his photograph taken , and thus called attention to it : ' Come hither , my June , see , my picture Is here. Do you like it my lovcl Don't it strike you ? " "I can't say It does at present , my dear , But Idurosay it will it's so like you. " Ho loved her once ; or so ho thought , But now ho stays away. She could not possibly bo taught To keep from saying , "Say I" 1SIPIKTIKS. His old horse balked , nnd the minister's ire Wns raised , as wo all could sec : And the minister thought Hko u house afire , But he only said , "Dear inel" D "H. K. " who is evidently n good , pious metropolitan Methodist , sends in this : And so we have for bishop hero An old as well as Newman ; Ami what wo like , 'tis very clear , He's always been a true man. A Paris milkman was recently arrested for stealing holy water from the font of a church. The man who thinks it is his duty to get , drunk on Sunday cannot ho kept sober by law. No , sir ; not by a jugful. Now wo are told that there are no politics in heaven. That is pretty rough on the poli ticians. Not at nil. They do not go there. In keeping the women out of their confer ence , it appears that the good brothers have shown less of method in their madness in their Methodism. A pastoral call.1 trust the congregation will conic forward with all possible liberality to-day , ns the interest on the church debt Is more than n month over duo. " It isn't impossible for n real estate ngcnt to he a Christian ; but there is n popular im press ion that ho can't bo u Christian all the week and still succeed In business. t The members of a Brooklyn church were recently caught kissing each other on u street corner after choir rehearsal. These delightful practices don't generally re-choir rehearsal. St. Louis offers to back her popular preacher against , anything in Chicago for points to the amount of $ ,1,000 , and articles of agreement have been drawn up and arc ready to bo signed. A Los Angeles minister , who was in the swim himself , one Sunday murning an nounced : "Dearly beloved , you will llnd the words of my text this morning in Matthew's addition to the new testament , lot 1 , block 7. " Minister Your daughter is handsome , Mr. Snapper. Snapper Yes , she is. I'm think ing of having her join the church choir. M That's ifood. Is she a line vocalist i S She can't sing at nil , but she's a devil of a tem per. per.At At a holiness meeting near Chicago the other day a man rose in his seat , crying that it had been revealed to him that a woman in the audience was Christ incarnate , and that the whole assemblage should full down and worship her. St. Peter ( to applicant ) Who nro you , sir ! Applicant ( confidentially ) I'm nn American newspaper humorist. St. Peter ( dubiously ) Well. I donno ; your oasowlll have to bo carefully considered. In the meantime you can lie down in the slmdo of that chestnut trco and wait. During n Second Adventist baptism which took pluco tn u town that bordered upon the Connecticut river , the minister , after having walked in a number ol yards with the per son to ho baptized , turned to the people on the shuro nnd said "Plcaso : sing seme ap propriate hymn. " ' At which an over-zealous sister piped up the hymn , "Pull for the shore. " In n town not many miles from this city the congregation of n church gathered one beautiful Sabbath morning recently to llnd that the only key to the church wns in the possession of the sexton , which distin guished functionary could not bo found. Messengers were sent In every direction , hut no sexton no key. At last an old man was found who reported that at early uawn the sexton was seen digging worms. The celnbrated court physician , Kober , once preached n very powerful sermon against Intemperance. The grand duke of Saxony , whoso IIOMJ looked like n Chinese lantern , happened to bo present , and ho nat urally regarded the remarks as referring to himself ; consequently ho looked very so- vcrclyutiho eloquent court preacher , who , catching the grand ducal eye , moditlcd his remarks by snymg : "Drunkenness is un doubtedly n great and hcnlous sin , ngainst which every true Christian should bo warned , excepting , of course , our beloved grand duke , whom God preserve to us many years yet. " For Tired IJrnlu Ilhe Horslbi-il'H Aoltl I'lioHjilmte. Dr. O , C. STOUT , Syiacuso , N. Y. , says , , , 'I guvu it to one patient who was unable to transact the most ordinary business , because his brain was'tired nnd confused' upon the least mental exertion. Immediate boncllt. und ultimate recovery followed. " Never call yourseU merely a sinner , " says John HnskiM , "that is very cheap abuse and utterly useless. Hut call yourself a liar , n coward , a bluggard , n glutton , or an evil- eyed , Jealous wrptch , if you indeed find your self to bo in any wise any of these. " Kurukii. The motto of California mcanp.J have found it. Only in that land of sunshine , whore the orange , lemon , olive , fig and grupu bloom and ripen , and attain their highest perfection in mid-winter , are the herbs and gum found , that are used in that- pleasant remedy for all throat and lung troubles , SANTA ABIC the ruler of coughs , asthma und consumption. The Good man Drug Co. hits been appointed agent for this valuable California remedyand sells it under a guarantee at $1 a bottle. Three for S2.SO. Try CALIFORNIA CAT-R-CURE , the only nuaranteed cure for catarrh. 91 , by mail $1.10. ooj jo > is * FREE FROM DRUGS , UNADULTERATED , HONEST ? A ten cent cierar for five cents. "All Straight Havana Filler. " Fnr sal hv Fnllnwmo- CITY Aberly H. J. , No. 213 N. 25th St. Anlsflold Ed. , No. 809 S. 10th St. Anthes Geo. & Co. . No. 822 S. 10th St. Anderson A. , No. 2213 Cuming .St. Askwith W. S. , No. 1003 Snundors St. BurkolowBros. . Union Pacific Depot. Ball I. S. . No. 270.3 Lcavonworth. Bell Ed. , No. 1807 Luke St. Bocht MaxCor. loth and Hartley. BonnorH. J. , Cor. Kith nnd Vin'ton St. Brown A. , No. 12001 Cuming St. Bennett .1. S. , Cor. Clark and Suundcrs. Bergen J. E. , No. 1)02 ) N. 10th St. Boll B. C. & Co. , 13th nnd Jnckson St. Bcaty Chus. , l.'Uh and Lcavenworth St. Brown N. H. , No. 1520 S. 10th St. Brown & Crotik , No. ( Ill S. 13th St. Chandler P. , No. 21)20 ) Lcavenworth St. Cavanuugh P. , No. 18-1 Sownrd St. Conrad Max. 15 , bet. Douglas&lnrnam. Cuiumings < fc Murphy , S. 13th St. Gates Bros. , 20thand Walnut. Cajori A. , No. 001 Pierce St. Cuninghum P. , No. 107 S. 10th St. Crum & Bishop , Cor. 2-lth and LakcSts. Dnl/.ell J. A. , No. 116 N. lth ! ) St. Dygcrt C. A. & Co. . Cor. 30 & CorbySt. Engelman R. , No.124 S. loth St. Granoisco G. O. & Co. , No. 2200Farnatn. Frank M. J. , Cox/.cns House. Floodmun P. E. & Co , , 10 fc Davenport. Fruehauf J. I. , No. 415 S. 15th St. Fields C. C. , 20th and Cumings St. Feonan M. J. , Park avo. Fontsch F. II. , lOtli and Howard St. Gcntlomnn Win. , cor. Lnko&Snundcrs. Goodman Drug Co. , Farnam St. Gladstone Bros. & Co. , Douglas St. Grosfeld E. , No. 160.3 St. Mary's avo. Gentlemen & limit , No. 601 N. 10th St. Hughes & Evans. No. 1220 Suundcrs St. Hammond & Co. , No. 121 N. 10th St. IHrtM.No. 1020 S. 10th St. Hull , Edwards & Co. , 2713 Leaven worth. Ilunlzinger J. F. , 1011 St. Mary's avo. Hullaucr F.No. GO ! ) S. 10th St. Hcnscll & Kloui-c , Kith and Farnam. Hess J. G. , No. 2801 Furnam. Hoty.oll & Suss , 27th and Cuming St. Kuhn ft. Co. , 15th nnd Douglas. Kinslor J. T. , No , 1307 Farniun. Kuhn Fred , No. 010 S. 10th St. Kelly J. A. , No. loin Farnam. Lang A. , 13th nnd Jackson. LouChrist. . No. 418J S. 10th. St. Lipshity. J. , No. 70 ! ) S. 13th. Lind & ChristiniibonClark & Sniincters. Moslocllor & Scott , 15th and Vinton. Murphy J. A. , No. 120 N. 10th. Mulligan T. F. , No. 1423 Suundors. Melcher Agt. C. A. , South Omaha. McDonald C. C. , Suundors & Caldwoll. McLcod E. , No. 1824 N. 10th. McKey C. . South Omnlm. Now M. , No. COO S. Oth , Owen ff Co. , No. 605 N. 10th. Pry or W. A. , No. j.'iOl Park avo. Powell M. BM 13th and Jackbon. Parr M. , No. 423 S. 10th. Prince J. S. , No. 214 N. 16th. Postal D. C. , cor. Blonde and 20th St. Redlo Win. No. 1800 9. 13th. Ross & O'Hoarno , No. 412 N. 10th. Reuther G. , South Omaha. Kohfield & Co. . 13. Furnam & Douglas. Rubin & Co. , No. 1803 St. Mary's avo. Richard Henry , Farnam , bet. 10 & 11. Sander A. H. , cor. Suundors & Cumings Saville J. J. , No. 1104 N.24th. SpuiTord T. W. , 13th and Howard. Spottman J. H. , No. 2812 Lcavenworth. Schillc.t J. , 10th nnd Nicholas. Schaefer Aug. , Sherman ave & Corby. 'Sweeney S. L. , South Omaha. Sobolkor C. H. South Omaha. Stevens Henry A. , 10th and Vinton. Southmuyd ifcRunncll , No. 1010 N. 10th. Schubert II. , 810 N. 10th. Smith ft Owens , South Omaha. Sims C. D. , Suundcrs St. Slobodlsky L. , 603 N. 10th. Thompson Gco. . cor. Kith .fcMundorbon. Torbitt C. S. , 22)3 ( ) Farnam. Toco D. , 1120J Farnam. Van Krogo fc Puhl , cor. 17th & Clarke. Vangrccn & Hclin , 21)02 ) Cumings. WilrotC.,814 N. 10th. Wolfer W. , cor , 20th and Dccatur. Wholan James. 132o Suundors. Whitehouso II. B. , cor. 10th ft Webster. Waller Emma. 101 S. 13th. West & Frltchor , 1222 Fnrnnm. Westrnndo & Weber , 200 ! ) Cumin gs. Wilson Clayton , 410J S. 10th. Wrml W. J' . & Co. , 001 N. 10th. Wilko & Sautter , Cor. 20th and Piorco. Worthy Win. , Cor. Corby and 10th. WESTERN. Abel E. , Denver , Col. Bohnor G W. , Bradshnw , Nob. Birkcn W. J. . Leigh , Nob. BuyrholTor & Koibselbach , Shelby , Nob. Brown E. R. , Fremont , Nob. Bennett T. N. Sf Paul , Nob. Craig A. J. , Mindcn , Neb. Copeland L. N. , Mindcn , Neb. Cleveland Bros. . Ord , Nob. DuhlsledtM. K. , Chnpmnn , Nob. Deyo it Dorr , Red Cloud , Nob. Dresser C. W. , Children , Nob. Gilbert C. E , . Contrul City , Dak. Gnlhrnlth J. E. , Albion , Nob. Hopkins W. W. , Oakland , Neb. Harris & Gunnoll , Paxton , Neb. Irwin & lli'ckmnn , Dcndwood , Dak. Judd L. P. . Cedar Rapids , Neb. Jopbon , John , Mend , Nob. Johnson A. B. , Mason , Neb. Klnzol Bros. , Wisnor , Neb. Kraiibs , Phillip , Plattsmouth , Nob. Karkor , S. J. , Aurora , Nob. Knowlton E. W. , Oxford , Nob. Lurbon fc Son , Bralnard , Neb. Lnmhofor Ed.Schyuler , Nob. Lyons ' Drug Co. , Lyons , Neb. M'nylo.T.\V. , Blair. Nob. Moran John , Oliux , Neb. Morris & Co. , O'Neill. Neb. MeKvoy L. A. , North Plntto , Nob. Odcndnhl Bros. , LoupCity. Nob. Ovorllold J. E. , Neligh , Neb. Pcthick Thos. M. , Silver Creek , Neb. Robb J. D. , McCook , Neb. Stevens W. H. , Ogdon. Utnh. Showers & Co. . Lin wood. Nob. Stuart & Ferris , Cedar BUilIs , Nob. Shnock W. B. , Louisville. Nob. Soykora E. J. , North Bond , Neb. Stein & Co. , Lincoln , Nob. Scull E. B. , Boulder , Col. Thomas J. R. . Tokamah , Nob. Travis < fc Samples , Holdregc , Neb. Wells W. E. , Bunvell , Nob. Woods II I. , Stromsburg , Nob. Wood W. J. & Co. . Buffalo Gup , Dak. Whaley , M. II. , Clarks , Neb. Wolz Gco. , Fremont , Nob. Wilson C. W. , Mead , Neb. Wolf & Gillen , Madison , Neb. Young J. P. , Plattsmouth , Nob. Distributing Agents Max Meyer & Co. , Omaha , Neb. ; also Western Agents for the Seidenberg& Co . Rosa Espanola and Thekla Havana Cigars. SOME OF THE SPICE OF LIFE , Sayings of Modern Humorists , Wise and Otherwise. THE FUNNY SIDE OF THE WORLD. The Quips ami Quibbles of Nineteenth Century Wearers of tlie Mot- Icy Funny S nnd Incidents. The Rhyme of tlfc Dotjlct. 2/ic Jtiilge. ' Two lovers lingering on ft stoOplet , Beneath the stars so still niJtl tfrn In dreams ho s.iw the weihllihf hooplet Of gold upon her tinylianiKj ! Ho slightly leaned upon his c4nclet , A timid youth , unit fnill'toco , And in his heart ho fell n.pnlnlut , For love wus young nnd O vas ho. They had partnkon of thd.creamlct , As lovers will while they nro twain , And now were busy on the schuinelct Of where und how to meet again. Meanwhile , unto the lone back yarillet Her father sneaked ; n enuin let ( -0 , Ahick , fond love , nnd. n'.nuk , bardlet They must relate this tale of woo 1 The youth went bounding like a goatlet , With yell and shriek ho outwnrd sped. The dog returned. A piece of coatlet Hung from his mouth. Love's dream wns dead. No CuiiNc for Alarm. Detroit Free Preis : A man living in a Hoboken Hat was crreutly disturbed and not a little nlnrmed by a terrible commotion in the Hut above him. There wns a sound of fierce sculllinr { and full ing bodies with now and then a half- bubdued howl or groan. "That big 200-pound lubber up there must bo whipping his delicate little wife , " said the indignant listener , ns ho run up the stairs nnd knocked at the door of the upper Hut. The delicate little wife cumo to the door , flustered and excited with victory , and carrying a broken broomstick in her hand , "What's the mutter up hero ? " asked the man. "Oh , nothing nothing worth men tioning at all ; only Higgins swore as how ho woujdn't dress the baby , an' I ben lottin' 'im know as how ho would. He's dresbin' of 'or now , sir ; that's all. Beg purdiiig for disturhin' you. " "Wan Tlioro Ileforo. Newark ( N. J. ) Journal : A Gorman brass bund brayed for toil minutes in front of a btoro on Main fat root re cently. "Lot's heat a nickel and have some fun , " buid one of tlio dorks. Tlio nickel wns promptly heutcd and laid on the counter. Tlio clerks grinned und waited. Soon the big man , who ( ills tlio brass horn with wind , entered. "There's a nickel on the c6untor , " snid one of the clerks curolossly. The big man walked up to the coun ter , glunced curiously nt the nickel , drew Irom his pocket n piece of leather nnd ( licked up the coin. Turning to the clerks ho biniled expansively und said : "Danko you , clover young man. " "He's been there before , " bald the first elerk , nnd then nil bunds wont to work ns if they had just .returned from a funeral. * Capo God I'jvtriivnfaiico. Boston Transcript : The story of the Cape Cod youth who spent ? a week in finding ton cents on the street in Bos ton has brought the "Lihtonpr" another story of a Capo Cod boy , who must have been n , relative of that one. Ho himponed to bo visiting in Boston , awhile ugo , on the Fourth of July , and wont out on the common to bee tlio sights. Ho returned in fan'nour ' or two looking rather rueful. J T1 "What's the matterSilas " ' ho was tibkod. "Gosh nil hemlock , " ho exclaimed , "this is the most oxtruvugunt pmco I oversee. " "Whnt hns happened ? " "Wai , you know that quarter of a dollar you give mo this morningj1" "Yes. Well ? "Spent it , by hokey , all but twenty- three cents , blapdash , for molasseu cakes. Coinelinok. Bill Nye : Personal Will the young woman who Ubod to cook in our family , and who wont away , ton pounds of sugar and 11 vo and a half pounds of tea ahead of the gumo , plcubo come buck , und all will bo forgiven. If she cannot return , will she please write , statintr her present address , and also give her reasons for-bhutting up the cat in the refrigerator when the went away ? If she will onlv return , we will try to lorgct the put and think only pf the glorious present and the bright , bright future. Cotno back , Sarah , and jerk the walllo iron for us once more. Your manners are peculiar , but wo yearn for your doughnuts , and youi style of streaked cuke suits us ex actly. You may keep the handkerchiefs am the collars , and wo will not refer to the dead past. We have arranged it so that when you snore it will not disturb the nighl police , and if you do not like our children wo will bond them away. We realize that you do not like chili ron very well , nnd our children especi ally gave you much pain because they were not so refined us you were. We have often wished , for your sake , that wo had never had any children : but so long as they are in our family , the neighbors will rather expect us tc take care of them. Still , if you insist upon it , wo will send them away. We don't want to beoin overbearing with our servants. We would bo willing also to give you more time for mental relaxation than you had before. The intelligent strain incident to the life of one who makes gravy for a loat and undone world iniibt bo very great , und tired nature must at lust succumb. Wo do not want you to succumb. If any one has got to succumb , let us do it. All we iibk is that you will lot us know when you are going away , and leave the crackers and cheCbO where we can find it. it.It It wus rather rough on us to have you go away when we hud gucstb in the house , but if you hud not taken the key to the cooKing department wo could have worried along. You ought to let us have company at the house sometimes , ifvo lot you have company when you want to. Still , you know best , perhaps. You are older thun wo nre , nnd jou have seen more of the world. Wo miss your gentle admonitions nnd your btern reproofs sadly. Come buck and reprove us again. Come buck nnd admonish us once more , ut o much per admonish and groceries. Wo will agree to let you select the tender part of the steak , und such fruit as seems to strike you favorably , just as wo did before. Wo did not like it when you wore hero , but that is because wo wore young and did not know what the custom wns. If a life-time devoted to your welfare can obliterate the injustice \yo have done you , wo will bo glad to yield it to you. you.If you could suggest a good place for us to bend the children whore they would bo well taken cure of , nnd whore they would not interfere with some other cook who Is a friend of yours , wo would bo glad to have you write us. My wife says thr.t she hopes you will feel portectly free to Uho the piano whenever you are lonely or sad , and when you or the bread fool depressed , you will he welcome to come into the parlor and lean up against either one of us and sob. Wo know that when you were with us before wo were a little reburved in our munnor toward you , but if you come back it will bo dlflerent. Wo will introduce you to some of our friends this time , and wo hope you will do the same by us. Young people are apt to get above their biibincbd , und we admit that wo wore wrong , Como back and oversee our fritter bureau once more. Return , oh , wanderer , return I HER OWN DARLING. A Senator Who Abandons His Wife for Committee Work. A good denlof nmufiomontis furnihhod this spring by the wifoof a certain tor who always culls her husband Dar ling , " says the Washington correspond- out of tn o Memphis Avalanche. Ho isn't buch a one as the term would he ordinarily applied to , being big and burly und not very nice ubout the per son , but she seems to thin kit is a pretty pot numo , and Ubos the term of endearment - ment on all occasions. Whether bho ie addressing him in private or public or , whether she speuus of him to others , bho always biiyb "Darling , " and docs it oo frequently that when "Darling" is referred to now everybody knows who is meant. "Dt'.rling hns such a bud cold , " she said to another senator's wife the other day , "that I am going to put him to bed when ho comes home , " "Darling wont to the cupitol early this morning. " she remarked to an other , "to attend one of these horrid committee meetings. What dreadful things they are ! I positively hnto them. Why , Darling tmys if it wasn't for his committee work he could spend loff of time with mo. " The other senators hnvo "caught on , so to speak , and now boldom allude to their colleugud by any other arm In hiv ivbbuucu of course. One betiaUir came very near making n blunder the other day by using it at the wrong time , lie entered the committee room a little late , und as ho took olT his coat ancl gloves , looked around the table , at which a do/.on or more were seated , and asked : "Where's Darling' ? " There was borne frantic gestures to ward a bookcubo at the other end of the room , and the late comer blushed deeply and looked alarmed. "Darling" was behind a map ruck , where ho could not bo been , and if he overheard the re mark ho showed no sign. Itits of IliiMslan Humor. [ 7Vmislac ( < l fur tlie 7tc.l ? The Dying Moscowito : ( Dobravol- ski ) "Olga , my wife , put on your silk dress , pearls and other ornaments. " ( Olga ) "Dobravolski , to what pur pose , now when you are fluttering be tween the living und the dead ? " ( Dobravolski ) "If you will bo nicely fixed up , the augel of death may take a liking to you , and take you instead of mo. " At the Court : ( Judge ) "Criminal , you arc guilty of stealing a horse. " ( Criminal ) "Your honor , I am not guilty. The horbo followed mo up. " ( Judge ) "Noiifcciibo ! How in the world could a strange horse follow you , and not run awayV" ( Criminal ) "Becaubo I held it fast by the bridle. " A Drunkard's Excuse : ( Policeman ) "What do you do here on the public btrcot , drunkard ? " You hud better go homo ; if not I will have you locked up. " ( Drunkard ) ' 'The whole city seems to turn around mo , .so 1 am looking for my house to enter. " An Almoluu : Cure. The ORIGINAL ABICTINE OINTMENT is only put up in lurgo two ounce tin boxes , nnd is nn absolute cuio for old sores , burns , wounds , chapped han Is , nnd all skin erup tions. Will positively cure nil kinds of piles. Ask for the ORIGINAL ABIUTINE OINT MENT. Sold by Goodman Druir Co. ut S3 cents per box by mail 30 cents. TI1KV COMB HIGH. The costliest string of pearls in the conn- try belongs to u Now York ludy , and cost * 5I,000. A sixteenth century vellum manuscript , with six paintings by Uuilio Clovis , cost the Lenox library * ia,000. The Into .Mrs. Morgan paid ? 2r 0. ( > 00 for her ncckluco. Mrs. Hicks-Lord Is ttio owner of a diamond necklace which cost $ .250,000. At the Morgan sale , Mr. Walters , of Balti more , is said to have paid Mb.UOJ for the peach-blow vase , which is ubout HUVCII und a half inches high. In the Lenox library Is a perfect copy of the Mu/.irin or Gutenberg hihlo , the tlrst book printed with movable types. It Is worth $ i'OOJ. and nothing butter has over boon dona slnco. Tlio most expensive sideboard ever mndo in the United States is owned by Jndgo Harry E. Packer , of Maiich Chunk , Pa. It covers the whole side of u room , and was built by Herts Bros , for S-17,000. Jt is n mar vel of elaborate and beautiful carving. 'Tho highest priced piano In America Is owned by Mr. II , G. Mtirrjunml of New York The works wore nnulo by Messrs , Steinway Sc .Sons , und tlio case , which was built In London , was designed and pulntcd by Almn Tudenm. It cost $ -10,000. The famous picture by Mclssonlcr called "IbOi" was painted for the Into Mr. A. T , Stewart. At tlio sale ot his gallery Mr , Henry Hilton bought it for fOii.WJO and pio- scntcd It to the Metropolitan Musmim , whcro it now bungs , tlio uos > tlicst painting in America. Mr. W. W. Corcoran of Washington paid the highest recorded price for mi American pictuie. It Is Church's "Niagara , " nnd the price wus fltW)0. ! ) It was icported thatLo grand Loekwood paid 5,000 for Ulerntailt's "Domes of the Yosemlto , " but us at the dis tribution of his effects the picture brought less tiun 0r , > OU , the lirst price was piobubly u fublo. Of the original edition of the honnots of William Shukesiicnre , published by George Daniel , of London. In 1MD , there uro two perfect copies. Ono Is in the lintisli niusouni. For the other Dodd , Mead & Co. , of Now York city , paid fi.O'K ) . It js u little book , ubout bovon by four inches in sue. A somewhat hard-headed clerk in the rstiibllsh- inent tlgurcs that ut the pilco it con fbU un ounce. For Stablemen . ' ° Stockmen , KNOWN FOII IIOIISK AMI ) CATT1.K mSE * K. CUKKS , uH , inora. . , bonvituiiU Si'ovln ' In Ita uurly > titici. Apply SI. Jin olia Oil lu ntturduuce wltb tbo directions vtllli ouch buttle , Dniygitt $ and Bcalattryvhfil. . J ( tti OU jlcaA. I ; Who Ii WEAK , NEnVOCN. TKD.wholnhtsFOI.I.YandlUNOnANrn has TRIFLED awtv nil VIGOR of BODY , WIND and MANHOOD.caufline exhausting drains upon the FOUNTAIN * ) of LIFE- 1IEADAOUK. nACKACIIE , Dreadful Dreami , WEAItNEHN of Memory. IIAHII. FULNESS In HOCIETY , 1'IMTI.ES upon tbo FACE , and nil the EFFECTS Icadlnt3 EARLY DECAY and perhapi ONNUMP. TIOfT or INSANITY , should consult at once the CELEORATEn Dr. Clarke , Established 1851. rr. Clarke has made NERVOUS DE BILITY , CHRONIC nnd all Diseases of the GENITO tmiXAHY Organ * a I.I fa ritudy. It IQAkci NO dlflerence WHAT jot ! tore tflkon or WHO has failed to cure you. O-FKM A I. EH suffering from dlieaieipecQ. liar to their sx can consult with the assurance of ipoedy relief and cure. Send 2 cents postage far works on your diseases. ffS-Dond 4 cents poitaga for Celebrated WorU * on Chronic , Nrrtnnn and DolNI cote Diseases. Consultation , personally or by letter , Trcft. Consult the old Doctor. VhonvnmlB cured. OtUcrn and iinrlord prlynto. O Thoie contemplating Marrlaja Bond for Dr. ClnrUe'n celebrated gulda Halo and Feranlo. each 16c. , both 25c. ( stampa ) , Heforo confiding your case , consult' Dr. CLARKE. A friendly letter or call may BLTC future suffering nnd sbame , and edd golden years to life. 9-Boolc " I.lfc'ai ( Secret ) Er' r6r , " Me. ( stamps ) . Medicine and wrltlnei cent everywhere , secure from xionirc. Houra , 8 to 8 : Sundays. V tn 12. Address , F. ± > . OLARKB , M. D. IBS So , ciort at. CHICAGO , n.rw O fVi A H A MEDICAL i SURGICAL INSTITUTE , M H. W. Cor. 13th & Dodge Sts R.-A.OHIS , APPLIANCES FOR DEFORMITIES AND TRUC3ES. Heat facilities , apparatus nnd remedies for sno ressful treatment ofoery form of dlnenne rcnuir inp Medical or Surreal Treatment. FIFTY ROOMS FOR PATIENTS. Hoard and attendance ; beet hoipital accommo dations in the wekt. WUITU I'ow CIRCUIAKB on Deformities and Ilracee , Trusses , Clnl ) Heel , Cnrvalnre of Hid Spiue , Piles , Tumors , Cancer , Catarrh , Ilroiiclntlt , Inhalation , Klectrlcify , rsrnlyiik , Rnllepi-y , Kid ney , llladder , Kje , for , bUiu and lllood , at'd all SurKical Operations. Dlsoosos of Women a Specially. IlUOK OM DltltACt * Or WOMZN Kllir. ONLY RELIABLE MEDICAL INSi'ITUlE MAKINO A el'KCJALTV Or PRIVATE DISEASES. All lllood Diseases successfully treated hjph- Illlic I'aUon remored from the RJ stem without mercury. New ristorative treatment fur loss ol Vilnl Power , I'eiMJiib unable to visil ui. may be Healed at home liy correspondence. All coiiiinn * nirations confidential , Aledicinecorlnstrumcuta rent by mail or exprecs , securely parked , no marks to indicate contents or M-nder One per sonal interview preferred. Call und co'ifult Ub or fsuil lilitory of your case , and \ve will ( .cud lu .plain wrapper , our BOOK TO MEN , FREE ; Upon Private , Special or Nervous li eu ei , Im. y > tency , iijptillis , Clcet and VancGctlc , with tfirttiou IM. Addreits IJinu/ta Jllnliral ainl fitirulenl Intltnlrot DR. McMENAMY , Cnr , t3lh and Dodoe Sli. , - 'iliCAHA HEB. PAlEESSJENTlSTRY A BOON TO THEJUMAN FAMILY. Dr. Hallo's > 'c\v .Mctlinil of Dentnl Sur. Arlilngnnd di-cujtil tretli extrnctcil or JlllciJ wltliont puln or dimmer , Hy UilH iimv nnuiHNl un nlrerutcit tooth may Im t\Tiu"ir.ti , Illlid nnd ivpluu'd In llio juw , vhvrt * It lucnnii'H Mill'l uK' > inund ifinuliit iibo- fill tn th end of llfu nil uitliout pain. DlKCIlhcd ( 'lllllH hlK'CChBflllly tll'lltud. Dr. llullcy i lucntrd In tlio Puxton Block , Booms 312 and 313. rXAMINATION AM ) CONSULTATION niHI ! " Cortlflcnto of piTblloaton. ) OfHCi : < Jl AlIIHJdll O I'l'IH.IO ACCIJl.STH , &lTKItt N'KIIII ttlKA , LINCOLN , IVluuniy l t , Iff * 'I ' It IB hereby coi titled that MldilKUti Muu- mil I.lfo Irnunuii'u Dunpupy. of Dotnilt , In tlio Matt ) iil Mlcliluiin , IIUH compiled with Hut Ir.tnir- iinci > Itiw of thl Mate , and IH iiiilliorl/.fd to trutii'ttct tliu bnslnefcs of llfo ttiHiirnnca in this mute lot tlittciirit-nt year. W1IHUK8 my 1'Hiid und tin * nl of tlm Auditor ot Public .Vccbunlb thu day und yi'iir above writ ten. [ nr.Ai.l H. A , ItAiicocit , Auditor I' A. 1'ollclf s Ifcguecl by tlilscompany have a drllnlta rash \ulun Htvndof .lid and rucli ttubHiiUt-nt | jvai' . 'Iho Roinpuii111 loiin thlK cinli vuluo. tlioioby rendering ussUtnnio to thu bolder ana ut the Hninu tln.u Kcipliu : up thu Itnttinince. HH In \\ebteru ioiniiuny InfciiliiK Its fiinde ) Ihu u > t. It Ifc iiniiblfd to pay lartjeillvldendx. llfforo InsnrlUK hi tlui tllihlKnn Mntual's . 1'or full Infoiimitlon-call on or U. II. I' . Mule , Bup't. v fontli'untul lll < 'k , Omulia , or James Mule. C. I * . Murphy , J. Jt. Cuu- uou 11 , M. llule , uptUuMfctnts. J 10-3-auu
