* i
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , FEBRUARY' 2W. 1888.-TWELVE PAGES . o
'FFIE
LLSLiUjH
* *
BOYD'S OPERA HOUSE.
t
I
Friday and Saturday Evenings ,
BAnd Saturday Matinee.
Friday Evening ,
THE ROMANTIC COMEDY ,
A Daughter of the Nile ,
Two Nights ,
MATINEE , . March 2d and 3d.
CAMILLA.
Matinee , Camilla. .
Harvey's Great Play ,
SATURDAY NIGHT.
IN THE FUNNY MAN'S ' DOMAIN
Man and His Shoos Had to Pay to
Hoar His Own Locturo.
CAPTURING A SCHOOLMA'AM.
An Uncommon Sltrlit Not All Are
Feminity Made The Girl With u
the Jet-Hoy Couldn't lie
Fooled With Joke-lets.
Sinn nnd His Shoos.
'
Kate P. mud.
How much a man is like his shoes 1
For instance , both a soul may lose.
Both have boon tanned ; both are made tight
By cobblers ; both get left and right.
Both need A mnto to bo complete , .
And both arc made to go on feet.
They both need heeling , oft are sold ,
And both iu time will turn to mold.
With shoes the last is first ; with men
Tilt/first shall bo the last , und when
The shoes wear out they're mended now ;
When men wear out they're men dead , too I
They both ore trod upon , and both
Will tread on others , nothing loth.
Both have their tics , und both Incline ,
When polished in the world to shine ,
And both peg out. Now , would you choose
To be u fimu or bo his shoes !
Had to Pay to Hear Jlln Own Ijcctnre.
Fairilold Journal : . Theodore Tllton
was about to lecture at a well known
hull in Maine. Ho arrived nt the door
unattended and inquired for the man
ager , lie was informed that ho was
within , hut could not bo disturbed , us
the lecture \yaa about to commence.
"Can I go in and speak to himV" ho
humbly asked of the highly important
ticket-taker.
"Yes , if you have got half n dollar. "
Tilton produced the coin and passed
into the hall to listen to his own lecture.
He unjoyud the joke much , and baid it
was n good lecture and well \\orth the
price of admittance.
An Uncommon Sight.
What means this huddling crowd , this Jam
ming mass
That blocks the street and will not let mo
pass I
Has some disaster full'n , some ono been shot ,
That all the people hurry to this spot )
Has some ono suddenly been stricken ill )
Or has some scamp been tapping some one's
till )
Pray can you tell what sight uncommon
draws
Theseicnger people heroj Ah ! there's the
cause.
'Tis ' notttn accident , nor yet n scamp ;
> Tis butn workman cleaning a street lamp.
Not All of Us.
"Tho scripture truly says that wo are
fearfully and wonderfully made , " re
marked a dear little lord , as ho gazed
ut John L. Sullivan.
"What do you moan by we ? " gruflly
demanded the great man. ' 'I don't bee
uothiu' fearful about you. "
The Girl With the Jersey.
You can sing of the maid
Who , In faultless attire ,
Hides out in her curtained coupe ;
Her robes uro exquisitely fashioned by
Worth-
At eve they are dccollctto ;
But I , I will sing of a maiden more fair ,
More innocent , too , I opine ;
You can choose from society's crust , if you
will.
But the girl with the Jersey is mine.
I know her by all that is good , kind and true ,
This modest jouug maiden I numa ;
I've walked with her. talked with her ,
Danced with her , too ,
And found that my heart was aflame ;
I'vo written her letters nnd small billet-doux ,
Itovcnling my love In each line ;
You can drink to your slim , satin-bodlceO
gazelle.
But the girl with the Jersey is mine.
Glnd Ho Took It Back ,
' Chicago Journal : "Do you menu tc
civil mo a liar ? " asked ono railroad man
of another during a dispute they had on
"
"No colonel I don't call
, , moan to you
liar. On the contrary , I say you are
ho only man in town who tolls the truth
.11 Iho time ; but I am offering a reward
) f 825 and a chromo to any other man
A'ho says ho believes mo when I say you
never lie , " was the response.
Well , I'm glad you take it Lhack , " ro-
ilied the other man , as the tiger-like
ook of ferocity faded out of his fca-
urcs.
_
Tnh Dote Couldn't ho Pooled With.
Chicago Mail : A waiter in the Palmer
iou.se cafe a colored man in conven
tional attire handed a patron a table
1'hoto bill. The gentleman didn't care
'or the card dinner and selected what
tie wanted. "You don't kcer for do tab
iloto dinnah , don , sahi1" said the waiter.
' 'I told you what I wanted , " returned
.ho gentleman. "You want dnt olT do
; ab do dote billi1" queried the darky.
'I don't care ; I suppose so ; any way so
that got it.1' "well , sail , " replied the
waiter , "of you want it oil do tab do dote
you has to have it all ; tab dote can't bo
selected from , sah ; tab dote is French ,
uid means do whole hog , sah. "
Oh ! Solitude , Where arc Thy Chnriui ?
Now the solitary oyster ,
Torn from his shelly cloister , '
Transported from his cozy homo in ocean's
bed nfur ,
Now loneliness enduring ,
Bo serves as bait alluring ,
In a mllk-and-wntcr fish-pond ut the giddy
church bazaar.
Lenten Observances.
mithtnuton Critic.
Pull down the blinds.
Square up with your butcher.
Organize Sackcloth nnd Ashes clubs.
Smother your laughter with groans.
Hire a pew.
Knock sutan endways 1
Shoot the receptions.
Stab the teas.
Kill the gormans.
Great Is forty-day-powor piety.
The devil has retired from society.
Where nro your wings i
Now for 5-o'clock prayers.
Nine hundred nnd sixty hours of Sunday.
Don't crowd the mourners , Mr. Devil.
Prop the church doors open.
Soclcty.Is taking u nap during service.
Tata , Dovvlo , old boy ; see you later.
Wait till after EaAerl
Whoop la 1
Capturing n Schoolnm'ani.
Boston Courier : "Yes , " said the
young man , as ho throw himself at the
feet of the pretty school teacher , "I
love you and would go to the world's
end for you. "
"You could not go to the end of the
world for mo , James. The world , or the
earth , as it is called , is round like a
ball , slightly llattoiied nt the poles. One
of the lirst fesbons iu the elementary
geography is devoted to the shape of
the globe. You must have studied it
when you were a boy. "
"Of course 1 did , but "
"And it is no longer a theory. Cir
cumnavigators have established the
fact. "
"I know , hut what I meant was that 1
would do anything to pleabO you. Ah !
Minerva , if you knew the aching
void - "
"Thero is no such thing as a void ,
James. Nature abhors u vacuum ; but
admitting that there could bo such a
thing , how could the void you speak
of ha a void if there was an ucho iu
itV"
itV""I
"I mean to say that my life will be
lonely without you , and that you are my
daily thought nnd my nightly dream.
I would go anywhere to bo with you
If you were in Australia or the north
polo I would fly to you. I "
"Flyl 'It will ho , another century before -
fore men can , fly. Even when the 'l
of gravitation are successfully over
come there will still remain , says a late
scientific authority , the Uifllculty of
maintaining a balance "
"Well , at all events , " exclaimed the
outh , "I've got a pretty fair balance in
the tarings bank , and I want you to bo
ny wife. There ! "
"Well , James , since you put in that
ight , I-
Lot the curtain fall.
Another Insult ,
DcltiM Vice Press.
"Why toss your head ! "
Ho said
To the maiden fair
With auburn hair.
Fiercely her bright eyes gleamed ,
lied as her hair she grow ;
"I'll'white hoss' youl"
She bcroauicd.
Rebuked by Ills Shocked Parent.
Detroit Free Press : "Well , Bertie ,
dear , were you a good boy nt school to
day1 ? " asked a Kalainuzoo mother of her
on of ton years.
"You can jist bet I was , " replied
Bertie. "The boy that's perfect in our
room for a'month is going to got a prize ,
and I'm going to freeze onto it myself. "
"Bertie , " cried his shocked parent , "I
want you to stop using those vulgar
slang words and phrases. Where
you catch on to all of them is a mystery
to mo. Every other word you speak is u
slang expression and I want you to drop
it , sir. Talk about 'freezing' on to a
thing ! What are you giving us , boy 'i
Do you expect mo to tumble to any such
vulgarity as that ? Not if I know my
self I don't. Now , you light out , nnd lot
it bo a cold day before I hear any more
such talk from you. and don't you for
get it. "
What Had Ho lieen Drinking.
Washington Critic : A Washington
girl visiting in Annapolis was con
stantly confusing the naval lieutenants
of different grades , and borne of the
superior grade didn't hko it. Ono day
she was talking to ono of these und in
nocently imido the usual mistake.
"I beg your pardon , " ho explained ,
with immeasurable hatour , "I'm a full
lieutenant. "
"Oh , are you ? " she twittered. "Well ,
you ought to bo ashamed of yourself.
What have you been drinking ? "
She would have gone on hut ho did ,
and left her there convinced that ho
was telling the truth.
SIXGULAIUTIES.
Jacob Walton of Augusta , Ga. , U thg
proud owner of a duck tbat lays black 'eggs.
A hen in Bay City , Mich , , strangled to
death in attempting to swallow a live mouse.
Samuel Meyers , of Avon , 111. , has raised a
finu watermelon this winter on a vine planted
in his cellar.
A pig having five toe-nails on each foot
was butchered the other day by It. II , An
derson at Timmonville , S. C.
Mrs. Charlotte Cain , of Milton , Mass. , Is
ninety-four years old , nnd her favorite pot is
a parrot which she has had for tlfty-livo
years.
A hawk attacked a litter of young pigs In
Cnlvert county , Maryland , the other day
nud killed ono of them before it could bo
driven off.
George B. Bromer of Sacramento , Cal. ,
has a canary that is eighteen years old.
Although It has been blind many years it
slugs as well ss ever. .
A resident of Leo county , Georgia , has
tamed blue Jays so that they fly down from
the trees and perch on his shoulders as ho
walks around his garden.
The wife of John B. Shclton , of Patten ,
Mo. , recently gavfi birth to three fine boys ,
weighing twenty-two and one-half pounds.
They have been named. Abraham , Isaac and
Jacob. . .
' A farmer In Jackson County , Michigan , has
a spring of warm witter on his farm which in
winter keeps the snow , melted , for
TUESDAY and WEDNESDAY.
February 28 and 29 ,
i
A dramatic event. Farewell American tour of
the greatest living nctresx ,
JANAUSCHEK.
Supported by n conipaity pf acknowledged nbll-
Wj j
> *
May Evening , * - "MaryStnart"
Wednesday Evening , " Meg Merrilies"
lleguhir Prices. Securd scats at box ofllco.
GRAND'OPERA HOUSE.
Tho.mnnngomont finds gr"cnt plenMiro in announcing that : u nnsHccurou for n brief season limited to tiirco nights & nmtinoi
THURSDAY FRIDAY , SATURDAY and , March 1st , 2d and 3d
- THli FAMOUS '
O .A. IR , ! _ , EJ T 0 1ST
OPERA COMPANY.
Unquestionably tlio most complete nud capable Comic Opera Organization in existence , without exception , hii'hiding
MR. W. T.
AND
eo ssoax-AjrEi KTIS'TS ' eo
* In the Following Unparalleled Repertoire :
Thursday Night nnd Saturday Matinee . DOROTHY
Friday . ERMIN1H
Saturday Eve . THE MERRY WArf
SCALE OF PRICES.
Parquette . $1.25 I Dress Circle . $1.OO
Family Circle . 70 | Balcony . BO
Gallery , . 23c Seats now on sale.
DimeEdenMusee , Week of Feb.26
K IN ALL DEI U11 1 NJl ; >
IN CURIO HALL The Oldest Living Slave , A Relic of Slavery Days , ' s
Lewis George Clarke ,
The Original George Harris of Harriett liecchor Stowo's Masterpiece , "Unclo
Tom's Cabin. " Ho lias lived past the allotted tiiuu of man , is over 100 years
old , and his faculties arc btill bright.
Second and Last Week of
SEYMOUR , Wonderful Mind Reader ,
marvelous powers have sot the city to talking. Ho has obtained more free
advertising from newspapers than any other man who has over appeared in
the city.
CLYTE , Living Half Lady ,
Most Mysterious of Beings.
Leopard Boy and Trained Serpent.
THEATORIUM NO. I.
Miller Bros' Dioramic Views , a Trip to Now Zealand , Australia , Tasmania , nnd
the Sandwich Islands.
BIJOU THEATER.
REEVES & FEILDING'S NOVELTY ALLIANCE , the Bright Lights of thg
Vaudeville Profession.
DOORS OPEN FROM 1 TO 10 P. M.
lOc iUDMITS TO lOc
CHAIRS FIVE AND TEN CENTS.
nrouml. The spring serves as a winter rcn-
ilLv.vous for frogs. ?
Hero is a most remarkable alliterative
coincidence : An Englishman named John
Height , who lives at Knight , Carroll county.
Maryland , will bo eighty-rtght years old
the eighth day of the eighth mouth ( August )
IShS.
IShS.A
A farinor in Piscataquts county , Mo , , cut
down a trco and hauled it homo the other
day. When ho went to split-it up for lire-
wood ho was greatly surprised to flfid a big
bear enjoying his winter nap inside the hol
low log.
A lady in Grant county , Va. , about sev
enty years of age , recently had quite a severe
attack of measles , upon recovering from
which it was found that she was entirely
cured from rheumatism , with which she had
long suffered.
Mrs. Sarah Taylor , a colored woman of
Knoxville , Tenn. , has thrco married daugh
ters. By a remarkable coincidence Mrs.
Taylor and her daughter each gave birth to
n baby on the same day recently , Such un
animity is unprecedented.
The engineer in a Montreal printing offlco
saw what ho thought was a largo uicco of
paper on the inner rim of the flywheel of the
engine , but live hours laor , when the engine
was stopped , the object was found to be a cut ,
very much demoralized ty- its long ride.
Near Crawfordsvillo , Linn county Oregon ,
n few days ago Sylvester Cochrau killed a
largo cougar while out hunting deer. Ho
saw n deer. Ho saw a door lying down nnd
was just in the act of shooting it when the
cougar Jumped out of a tree on the deer.
A mountain lion trotting along between
the high banks of snow on the line of the
Denver & Ilio Gr.mdo railroad in Colorado
recently was overtaken and thrown high
into the air. The animal landed on its feet
and ran quickly away apparently uninjured.
About seventeen miles southeast of St.
Augustine. Fla. , and four miles from the
coast , is a huge boiling fresh-water spring in
the ocean with a diamqtor of fully fifty feet.
The water rushes up With such force that it
is almost impossible for fi vessel to get near
it.
it.A
A hog in Cass county , Mich. , attempted to
root a rat out of his troughbut the rat caught
him by the nose and held onwhilo , the porker
ran around the pen as if mad , squealing
loudly all the time. The outcry attracted the
owner of the hog , who seized a hoe and killed
the rat.
A woman of Jersey City , N. J. , recently
brought homo a strange egg us n souvenir of
n trip and placed it on the parlor table. One
week after she was surprised to see a little
turtle break the shell of the egg and slowly
crawl out. The heat of the room had
hatched it.
A tortoise with the Inscription , "II. Dei-
bert , 1717 , " was found in Schuyklll county ,
Pennsylvania. The name proved to bo that
of u man who owned and cleared the land in
the vicinity in the early colonial times. On
the shell of the tortoise were signs of great
age , part of the lettering being almost oblit
erated. |
A Georgia ncgrcss has given birth to a six
teen-pound child whose fingers and toes are
webbed to their full length. One of her
neighbors brought into the world a htill more
wonderful being. Its two eyeballs wore in
ono socket , and iu place qf n no e it had two-
and-a-half-inch trunk , resemblirs that of an
elephant.
At Guy's hospital , London , recently , was
received the body of a drunkarn which was
very much bloated. It was found that when
punctured and alighted match applied to the
gas which escaped It burned with tlu ordi
nary Ihuno of carburetted hydrogen. As
many as u dozen of these lluinos were burn
ing ut the same Mine.
Mr. and Mrs. Turknet , aged eighty and
sixty-five , respectively , who live near Cisco ,
Eustland county , Tax. , ' have become the
happy parents of a bouncjng baby boy. The
venerable couple - hayo i raised and murj
ried ott a good-siztd fanljy , und now declare
that they feel Just younjr und smart enough
to repeat the experience !
Messrs. Brock Jtho English pyrotechnists
have ut their foundry a , { Newfoundland dog
which revels in fireworks * Ho rushes into u
shower of sparks with as much delight as
most of his kind display in u cold bath ; and
on a lighted squib bcipg thrown within his
reach ho will run nnd trample tbo smolder
ing stump \vlth his raws.
Mr. Baker , of Embry. Kun , , sent word to
bis doctor ono night that Mrs. .linker' had a
severe'attack of'cholera roor.bns ; and1 be
wanted him to come out at once and relieve
her. An hour or two Inter the doctor re
lieved her of n nine-pound baby , much to her
surprise nnd that of her husband , neither of
whom had any Idea , they said , that such an
event was about to happen.
A larpo eagle swooped down upon n hen be.-
longing to Mrs. Berry , who lives in Marlon
County , South Carolina. Mrs. Berry , who
is seventy-four years old , attacked the bird ,
which released its prey and seized the old
lady by the leg , burying its talons ono and a
half Inches In the llesh. Mrs. Ucrr.y fell
down nnd screamed. The eagle held on until
Mr. Berry ran up and cut its head off.
George Holmes , a small boy at Macon , Ga. ,
was riding n horse the other day when it
took fright and ran away. The little fellow
held on manfully , and as the horse dashed
down the street ho passed the house of Mr.
Chauncey , and was recognized by Mr.
Clmuncey's setter , The dog evidently Know
that the horse was running away , and , run
ning ahead of him , caught the horse's lip in
his mouth and stopped him , so that Mr.
Chauncey , who ran up at the time , could
catch him. The sudden halt of the horse
threw Master George to the ground , but ho
was unhurt.
ThoBaddeck ( Capo Breton ) Reporter says :
A queer fish of enormous size was caught on
n codfishh-trawl near Englishtown on Friday
by Georgd Fader. It was twelve feet ten
inches in length , nnd as big around as a pork
barrel. It was like a hake in appearance.
Tholivcr was ( juitoaload for P. Musgravo
and Angus Mo'rrison to carry on the hand-
barrow , and will make about eight or ten
gallons of oil. All the fishermen came to see ;
none of them had ever seen so strange n fish ,
nnd could not give it a name. It was cut
through with the splitting knife , showing
flesh as white as chalk. There were no bones
in it.
PEPPEUMIXT DllOPS.
It's a wise child that knows its own birth
place.
A popular boarder tale I will settle next
week.
The Joker knows how to pull the guy
ropes.
The only thing n chronic borrower will not
take is a hint.
A good many dough heads arc still found
among the upper crust.
Boston people have no cyclones , but they
have lectures by Joseph Cook.
There Is a good deal of difference between
'alien in the car nud "abeam the bonnet. "
It would bo a great thing for the world If
Wagner had only died with all his music in
him.
It is the men who write poetry when they
don't have to that the public cannoverfor-
give.
give.Cable
Cable street car companies should Join
some secret society In order not to lose the
grip.
In spitoof our best efforts our delinquent
subscribers are holding their own i.nd u little
tlo of ours.
"Apple green will be the spring color , "
says u fashion note. It will also be the sum
mer cholera.
A shabby'coat is no dlsgracc.but it is a great
impediment to the successful negotiations of
a small loan.
Never ask a crust of a crusty man. Ask
him for mcatfor he'll give you ucold shoul
der with pleasure.
The Grand Duke Alexis has become an ad
miral. He is now prominent enough to bo
blown up by a bomb.
What nro pauses ! " asked the teacher of the
primary clabs. "Things that grow on cats , "
piped the small boy at the foot.
A Charlotte Harbor man has set n hen on
allgator eggs. The lien will think she has
the jim-jams when the shells break.
The reputation of the ground hog as a
weather prophet is slowly but steadily fall
ing to u level with that of Wiggins.
Natural gas has been found In Texas , and
the determined natives have sternly warned
Congressman Martin not to blow it out.
Some young men are brave , wo know , but
a young man who accepts an invitation to u
leap-ycur > party is foolhardy , not brave.
"I llvo for those who love me , " says a
Philadelphia poet. If he is like most ama
teur poets , then , ho hasn't much to live for.
Landlady ( to boarder ) "How is tbo butter ,
Mr. Dumleyi" . Dumley ( u produce' broke'r )
"Quiet , but strong , madam , and in .little de
mand. ' " ' " _ ' ' , ' ' . ' . .
. .It 'i now "the , season-pf. sackcloth and
PRESS CLUB BENEFIT
Monday EveningFeb. . 27th.
CDP
c +
CDI
i Uln
CD Ula
CD.Q a
.Q O Ula
O ft
CD TJ
CDUl
Ul
CDO
CD
e
cf-
Boyd's Opera House.
ashes , but society wants the sackcloth made
up becomingly and the ashes mubt bo ashes
of roses.
Mrs. Blogg ( to Inquiring stranger ) Yes ,
wo nro in a musical community. You have no
idea how many executioners of musiu wo
have in town.
Many a man who remains "at the olliro'
till late at night to balance his books finds
considerable dlfllculty in balancing himself
on his way homo.
Bill Brown , n poor but honest New York
newsboy , wont to Dakota seven years ago
yesterday without a rag on his back. Now ho
Is covered with 'em.
RFamily Physician I am afraid you have
en eating too much cuke and sweet stuff.
Let mo sco your tongue. Little Girl Oh ,
you can look at it , but it won't ' tell.
DTgnatius Donnelly complains that the print
ers' strike In Chicago has seriously delayed
work on his book , "Tho Great Cryptogram. "
Strikes are not always so bad , after all.
You may shout and fume and stamp and rage ,
And swear and hoot und blast ;
But you'll never roach your dwelling
With the horse car that Is past.
A new steel gun has been designed for our
now bteel navy. As the enemy approaches
the muzzle his attention Is attracted by a
small sign , "Drop a nickel in Ilio blot und
see the gun to off. "
Kitty was on the lounge , purring as loud
as she could , and Katie was coddling her
"Oh , mamma , " she cried all ut once , "mj
kitty has got u washboard in her throat , nnd I
can feel the noise rub over it. "
Selbby Good rooming , Mr. Grayson ,
Can't I show you tome of our new suitings
and trousering1 * ' Grayson Not to-day. I
only want a few collarings and culling * ;
and , say , what can you give me in the way of
good boot ings 1
Mr. Jinks ( to landlady ) What klml of a
duck did you say this was , Mrs. Dinklyi"
Landlady "I didn't say. , I dimply ordered a
duck from the butcher's , " Mr. Jinks ( striig-
rllnjrwith.a second .Joint ) " 1 think he him
sent you n.dccoy duck. "
MUSEUM.
1018 - Farnam - Street ,
Max Meyer's Building.
LIST OF CURIOSITIES
NOW ON EXHIBITION.
TallcHt Iu ly Albino
O-Tonl Cannibal dilanl.
A C'ongrehs ortiiantN.
.Mr.diiine Ahliluy , .Siialu ; C'liarnioi
Itoyal Marioiiutts.
Moss Haired Ia ly ,
1OOOO Hcrodfaii Mynfcry ,
A Genuine C'lrcatxlun l.ady.
Kdlion'h IMioiiOKnipli Avondcr ,
lit ! Talking Itlaclilno.
Prof. I > u Cilnbo In
Exhibition Afternoons & Evening !
Special invitation to Ladies und Chil
dmi.
Admission - 10 Cent !
' , cuiMmii : i ; cuvrs. . . . .
