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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 26, 1888)
* i THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , FEBRUARY' 2W. 1888.-TWELVE PAGES . o 'FFIE LLSLiUjH * * BOYD'S OPERA HOUSE. t I Friday and Saturday Evenings , BAnd Saturday Matinee. Friday Evening , THE ROMANTIC COMEDY , A Daughter of the Nile , Two Nights , MATINEE , . March 2d and 3d. CAMILLA. Matinee , Camilla. . Harvey's Great Play , SATURDAY NIGHT. IN THE FUNNY MAN'S ' DOMAIN Man and His Shoos Had to Pay to Hoar His Own Locturo. CAPTURING A SCHOOLMA'AM. An Uncommon Sltrlit Not All Are Feminity Made The Girl With u the Jet-Hoy Couldn't lie Fooled With Joke-lets. Sinn nnd His Shoos. ' Kate P. mud. How much a man is like his shoes 1 For instance , both a soul may lose. Both have boon tanned ; both are made tight By cobblers ; both get left and right. Both need A mnto to bo complete , . And both arc made to go on feet. They both need heeling , oft are sold , And both iu time will turn to mold. With shoes the last is first ; with men Tilt/first shall bo the last , und when The shoes wear out they're mended now ; When men wear out they're men dead , too I They both ore trod upon , and both Will tread on others , nothing loth. Both have their tics , und both Incline , When polished in the world to shine , And both peg out. Now , would you choose To be u fimu or bo his shoes ! Had to Pay to Hear Jlln Own Ijcctnre. Fairilold Journal : . Theodore Tllton was about to lecture at a well known hull in Maine. Ho arrived nt the door unattended and inquired for the man ager , lie was informed that ho was within , hut could not bo disturbed , us the lecture \yaa about to commence. "Can I go in and speak to himV" ho humbly asked of the highly important ticket-taker. "Yes , if you have got half n dollar. " Tilton produced the coin and passed into the hall to listen to his own lecture. He unjoyud the joke much , and baid it was n good lecture and well \\orth the price of admittance. An Uncommon Sight. What means this huddling crowd , this Jam ming mass That blocks the street and will not let mo pass I Has some disaster full'n , some ono been shot , That all the people hurry to this spot ) Has some ono suddenly been stricken ill ) Or has some scamp been tapping some one's till ) Pray can you tell what sight uncommon draws Theseicnger people heroj Ah ! there's the cause. 'Tis ' notttn accident , nor yet n scamp ; > Tis butn workman cleaning a street lamp. Not All of Us. "Tho scripture truly says that wo are fearfully and wonderfully made , " re marked a dear little lord , as ho gazed ut John L. Sullivan. "What do you moan by we ? " gruflly demanded the great man. ' 'I don't bee uothiu' fearful about you. " The Girl With the Jersey. You can sing of the maid Who , In faultless attire , Hides out in her curtained coupe ; Her robes uro exquisitely fashioned by Worth- At eve they are dccollctto ; But I , I will sing of a maiden more fair , More innocent , too , I opine ; You can choose from society's crust , if you will. But the girl with the Jersey is mine. I know her by all that is good , kind and true , This modest jouug maiden I numa ; I've walked with her. talked with her , Danced with her , too , And found that my heart was aflame ; I'vo written her letters nnd small billet-doux , Itovcnling my love In each line ; You can drink to your slim , satin-bodlceO gazelle. But the girl with the Jersey is mine. Glnd Ho Took It Back , ' Chicago Journal : "Do you menu tc civil mo a liar ? " asked ono railroad man of another during a dispute they had on " "No colonel I don't call , , moan to you liar. On the contrary , I say you are ho only man in town who tolls the truth .11 Iho time ; but I am offering a reward ) f 825 and a chromo to any other man A'ho says ho believes mo when I say you never lie , " was the response. Well , I'm glad you take it Lhack , " ro- ilied the other man , as the tiger-like ook of ferocity faded out of his fca- urcs. _ Tnh Dote Couldn't ho Pooled With. Chicago Mail : A waiter in the Palmer iou.se cafe a colored man in conven tional attire handed a patron a table 1'hoto bill. The gentleman didn't care 'or the card dinner and selected what tie wanted. "You don't kcer for do tab iloto dinnah , don , sahi1" said the waiter. ' 'I told you what I wanted , " returned .ho gentleman. "You want dnt olT do ; ab do dote billi1" queried the darky. 'I don't care ; I suppose so ; any way so that got it.1' "well , sail , " replied the waiter , "of you want it oil do tab do dote you has to have it all ; tab dote can't bo selected from , sah ; tab dote is French , uid means do whole hog , sah. " Oh ! Solitude , Where arc Thy Chnriui ? Now the solitary oyster , Torn from his shelly cloister , ' Transported from his cozy homo in ocean's bed nfur , Now loneliness enduring , Bo serves as bait alluring , In a mllk-and-wntcr fish-pond ut the giddy church bazaar. Lenten Observances. mithtnuton Critic. Pull down the blinds. Square up with your butcher. Organize Sackcloth nnd Ashes clubs. Smother your laughter with groans. Hire a pew. Knock sutan endways 1 Shoot the receptions. Stab the teas. Kill the gormans. Great Is forty-day-powor piety. The devil has retired from society. Where nro your wings i Now for 5-o'clock prayers. Nine hundred nnd sixty hours of Sunday. Don't crowd the mourners , Mr. Devil. Prop the church doors open. Soclcty.Is taking u nap during service. Tata , Dovvlo , old boy ; see you later. Wait till after EaAerl Whoop la 1 Capturing n Schoolnm'ani. Boston Courier : "Yes , " said the young man , as ho throw himself at the feet of the pretty school teacher , "I love you and would go to the world's end for you. " "You could not go to the end of the world for mo , James. The world , or the earth , as it is called , is round like a ball , slightly llattoiied nt the poles. One of the lirst fesbons iu the elementary geography is devoted to the shape of the globe. You must have studied it when you were a boy. " "Of course 1 did , but " "And it is no longer a theory. Cir cumnavigators have established the fact. " "I know , hut what I meant was that 1 would do anything to pleabO you. Ah ! Minerva , if you knew the aching void - " "Thero is no such thing as a void , James. Nature abhors u vacuum ; but admitting that there could bo such a thing , how could the void you speak of ha a void if there was an ucho iu itV" itV""I "I mean to say that my life will be lonely without you , and that you are my daily thought nnd my nightly dream. I would go anywhere to bo with you If you were in Australia or the north polo I would fly to you. I " "Flyl 'It will ho , another century before - fore men can , fly. Even when the 'l of gravitation are successfully over come there will still remain , says a late scientific authority , the Uifllculty of maintaining a balance " "Well , at all events , " exclaimed the outh , "I've got a pretty fair balance in the tarings bank , and I want you to bo ny wife. There ! " "Well , James , since you put in that ight , I- Lot the curtain fall. Another Insult , DcltiM Vice Press. "Why toss your head ! " Ho said To the maiden fair With auburn hair. Fiercely her bright eyes gleamed , lied as her hair she grow ; "I'll'white hoss' youl" She bcroauicd. Rebuked by Ills Shocked Parent. Detroit Free Press : "Well , Bertie , dear , were you a good boy nt school to day1 ? " asked a Kalainuzoo mother of her on of ton years. "You can jist bet I was , " replied Bertie. "The boy that's perfect in our room for a'month is going to got a prize , and I'm going to freeze onto it myself. " "Bertie , " cried his shocked parent , "I want you to stop using those vulgar slang words and phrases. Where you catch on to all of them is a mystery to mo. Every other word you speak is u slang expression and I want you to drop it , sir. Talk about 'freezing' on to a thing ! What are you giving us , boy 'i Do you expect mo to tumble to any such vulgarity as that ? Not if I know my self I don't. Now , you light out , nnd lot it bo a cold day before I hear any more such talk from you. and don't you for get it. " What Had Ho lieen Drinking. Washington Critic : A Washington girl visiting in Annapolis was con stantly confusing the naval lieutenants of different grades , and borne of the superior grade didn't hko it. Ono day she was talking to ono of these und in nocently imido the usual mistake. "I beg your pardon , " ho explained , with immeasurable hatour , "I'm a full lieutenant. " "Oh , are you ? " she twittered. "Well , you ought to bo ashamed of yourself. What have you been drinking ? " She would have gone on hut ho did , and left her there convinced that ho was telling the truth. SIXGULAIUTIES. Jacob Walton of Augusta , Ga. , U thg proud owner of a duck tbat lays black 'eggs. A hen in Bay City , Mich , , strangled to death in attempting to swallow a live mouse. Samuel Meyers , of Avon , 111. , has raised a finu watermelon this winter on a vine planted in his cellar. A pig having five toe-nails on each foot was butchered the other day by It. II , An derson at Timmonville , S. C. Mrs. Charlotte Cain , of Milton , Mass. , Is ninety-four years old , nnd her favorite pot is a parrot which she has had for tlfty-livo years. A hawk attacked a litter of young pigs In Cnlvert county , Maryland , the other day nud killed ono of them before it could bo driven off. George B. Bromer of Sacramento , Cal. , has a canary that is eighteen years old. Although It has been blind many years it slugs as well ss ever. . A resident of Leo county , Georgia , has tamed blue Jays so that they fly down from the trees and perch on his shoulders as ho walks around his garden. The wife of John B. Shclton , of Patten , Mo. , recently gavfi birth to three fine boys , weighing twenty-two and one-half pounds. They have been named. Abraham , Isaac and Jacob. . . ' A farmer In Jackson County , Michigan , has a spring of warm witter on his farm which in winter keeps the snow , melted , for TUESDAY and WEDNESDAY. February 28 and 29 , i A dramatic event. Farewell American tour of the greatest living nctresx , JANAUSCHEK. Supported by n conipaity pf acknowledged nbll- Wj j > * May Evening , * - "MaryStnart" Wednesday Evening , " Meg Merrilies" lleguhir Prices. Securd scats at box ofllco. GRAND'OPERA HOUSE. Tho.mnnngomont finds gr"cnt plenMiro in announcing that : u nnsHccurou for n brief season limited to tiirco nights & nmtinoi THURSDAY FRIDAY , SATURDAY and , March 1st , 2d and 3d - THli FAMOUS ' O .A. IR , ! _ , EJ T 0 1ST OPERA COMPANY. Unquestionably tlio most complete nud capable Comic Opera Organization in existence , without exception , hii'hiding MR. W. T. AND eo ssoax-AjrEi KTIS'TS ' eo * In the Following Unparalleled Repertoire : Thursday Night nnd Saturday Matinee . DOROTHY Friday . ERMIN1H Saturday Eve . THE MERRY WArf SCALE OF PRICES. Parquette . $1.25 I Dress Circle . $1.OO Family Circle . 70 | Balcony . BO Gallery , . 23c Seats now on sale. DimeEdenMusee , Week of Feb.26 K IN ALL DEI U11 1 NJl ; > IN CURIO HALL The Oldest Living Slave , A Relic of Slavery Days , ' s Lewis George Clarke , The Original George Harris of Harriett liecchor Stowo's Masterpiece , "Unclo Tom's Cabin. " Ho lias lived past the allotted tiiuu of man , is over 100 years old , and his faculties arc btill bright. Second and Last Week of SEYMOUR , Wonderful Mind Reader , marvelous powers have sot the city to talking. Ho has obtained more free advertising from newspapers than any other man who has over appeared in the city. CLYTE , Living Half Lady , Most Mysterious of Beings. Leopard Boy and Trained Serpent. THEATORIUM NO. I. Miller Bros' Dioramic Views , a Trip to Now Zealand , Australia , Tasmania , nnd the Sandwich Islands. BIJOU THEATER. REEVES & FEILDING'S NOVELTY ALLIANCE , the Bright Lights of thg Vaudeville Profession. DOORS OPEN FROM 1 TO 10 P. M. lOc iUDMITS TO lOc CHAIRS FIVE AND TEN CENTS. nrouml. The spring serves as a winter rcn- ilLv.vous for frogs. ? Hero is a most remarkable alliterative coincidence : An Englishman named John Height , who lives at Knight , Carroll county. Maryland , will bo eighty-rtght years old the eighth day of the eighth mouth ( August ) IShS. IShS.A A farinor in Piscataquts county , Mo , , cut down a trco and hauled it homo the other day. When ho went to split-it up for lire- wood ho was greatly surprised to flfid a big bear enjoying his winter nap inside the hol low log. A lady in Grant county , Va. , about sev enty years of age , recently had quite a severe attack of measles , upon recovering from which it was found that she was entirely cured from rheumatism , with which she had long suffered. Mrs. Sarah Taylor , a colored woman of Knoxville , Tenn. , has thrco married daugh ters. By a remarkable coincidence Mrs. Taylor and her daughter each gave birth to n baby on the same day recently , Such un animity is unprecedented. The engineer in a Montreal printing offlco saw what ho thought was a largo uicco of paper on the inner rim of the flywheel of the engine , but live hours laor , when the engine was stopped , the object was found to be a cut , very much demoralized ty- its long ride. Near Crawfordsvillo , Linn county Oregon , n few days ago Sylvester Cochrau killed a largo cougar while out hunting deer. Ho saw n deer. Ho saw a door lying down nnd was just in the act of shooting it when the cougar Jumped out of a tree on the deer. A mountain lion trotting along between the high banks of snow on the line of the Denver & Ilio Gr.mdo railroad in Colorado recently was overtaken and thrown high into the air. The animal landed on its feet and ran quickly away apparently uninjured. About seventeen miles southeast of St. Augustine. Fla. , and four miles from the coast , is a huge boiling fresh-water spring in the ocean with a diamqtor of fully fifty feet. The water rushes up With such force that it is almost impossible for fi vessel to get near it. it.A A hog in Cass county , Mich. , attempted to root a rat out of his troughbut the rat caught him by the nose and held onwhilo , the porker ran around the pen as if mad , squealing loudly all the time. The outcry attracted the owner of the hog , who seized a hoe and killed the rat. A woman of Jersey City , N. J. , recently brought homo a strange egg us n souvenir of n trip and placed it on the parlor table. One week after she was surprised to see a little turtle break the shell of the egg and slowly crawl out. The heat of the room had hatched it. A tortoise with the Inscription , "II. Dei- bert , 1717 , " was found in Schuyklll county , Pennsylvania. The name proved to bo that of u man who owned and cleared the land in the vicinity in the early colonial times. On the shell of the tortoise were signs of great age , part of the lettering being almost oblit erated. | A Georgia ncgrcss has given birth to a six teen-pound child whose fingers and toes are webbed to their full length. One of her neighbors brought into the world a htill more wonderful being. Its two eyeballs wore in ono socket , and iu place qf n no e it had two- and-a-half-inch trunk , resemblirs that of an elephant. At Guy's hospital , London , recently , was received the body of a drunkarn which was very much bloated. It was found that when punctured and alighted match applied to the gas which escaped It burned with tlu ordi nary Ihuno of carburetted hydrogen. As many as u dozen of these lluinos were burn ing ut the same Mine. Mr. and Mrs. Turknet , aged eighty and sixty-five , respectively , who live near Cisco , Eustland county , Tax. , ' have become the happy parents of a bouncjng baby boy. The venerable couple - hayo i raised and murj ried ott a good-siztd fanljy , und now declare that they feel Just younjr und smart enough to repeat the experience ! Messrs. Brock Jtho English pyrotechnists have ut their foundry a , { Newfoundland dog which revels in fireworks * Ho rushes into u shower of sparks with as much delight as most of his kind display in u cold bath ; and on a lighted squib bcipg thrown within his reach ho will run nnd trample tbo smolder ing stump \vlth his raws. Mr. Baker , of Embry. Kun , , sent word to bis doctor ono night that Mrs. .linker' had a severe'attack of'cholera roor.bns ; and1 be wanted him to come out at once and relieve her. An hour or two Inter the doctor re lieved her of n nine-pound baby , much to her surprise nnd that of her husband , neither of whom had any Idea , they said , that such an event was about to happen. A larpo eagle swooped down upon n hen be.- longing to Mrs. Berry , who lives in Marlon County , South Carolina. Mrs. Berry , who is seventy-four years old , attacked the bird , which released its prey and seized the old lady by the leg , burying its talons ono and a half Inches In the llesh. Mrs. Ucrr.y fell down nnd screamed. The eagle held on until Mr. Berry ran up and cut its head off. George Holmes , a small boy at Macon , Ga. , was riding n horse the other day when it took fright and ran away. The little fellow held on manfully , and as the horse dashed down the street ho passed the house of Mr. Chauncey , and was recognized by Mr. Clmuncey's setter , The dog evidently Know that the horse was running away , and , run ning ahead of him , caught the horse's lip in his mouth and stopped him , so that Mr. Chauncey , who ran up at the time , could catch him. The sudden halt of the horse threw Master George to the ground , but ho was unhurt. ThoBaddeck ( Capo Breton ) Reporter says : A queer fish of enormous size was caught on n codfishh-trawl near Englishtown on Friday by Georgd Fader. It was twelve feet ten inches in length , nnd as big around as a pork barrel. It was like a hake in appearance. Tholivcr was ( juitoaload for P. Musgravo and Angus Mo'rrison to carry on the hand- barrow , and will make about eight or ten gallons of oil. All the fishermen came to see ; none of them had ever seen so strange n fish , nnd could not give it a name. It was cut through with the splitting knife , showing flesh as white as chalk. There were no bones in it. PEPPEUMIXT DllOPS. It's a wise child that knows its own birth place. A popular boarder tale I will settle next week. The Joker knows how to pull the guy ropes. The only thing n chronic borrower will not take is a hint. A good many dough heads arc still found among the upper crust. Boston people have no cyclones , but they have lectures by Joseph Cook. There Is a good deal of difference between 'alien in the car nud "abeam the bonnet. " It would bo a great thing for the world If Wagner had only died with all his music in him. It is the men who write poetry when they don't have to that the public cannoverfor- give. give.Cable Cable street car companies should Join some secret society In order not to lose the grip. In spitoof our best efforts our delinquent subscribers are holding their own i.nd u little tlo of ours. "Apple green will be the spring color , " says u fashion note. It will also be the sum mer cholera. A shabby'coat is no dlsgracc.but it is a great impediment to the successful negotiations of a small loan. Never ask a crust of a crusty man. Ask him for mcatfor he'll give you ucold shoul der with pleasure. The Grand Duke Alexis has become an ad miral. He is now prominent enough to bo blown up by a bomb. What nro pauses ! " asked the teacher of the primary clabs. "Things that grow on cats , " piped the small boy at the foot. A Charlotte Harbor man has set n hen on allgator eggs. The lien will think she has the jim-jams when the shells break. The reputation of the ground hog as a weather prophet is slowly but steadily fall ing to u level with that of Wiggins. Natural gas has been found In Texas , and the determined natives have sternly warned Congressman Martin not to blow it out. Some young men are brave , wo know , but a young man who accepts an invitation to u leap-ycur > party is foolhardy , not brave. "I llvo for those who love me , " says a Philadelphia poet. If he is like most ama teur poets , then , ho hasn't much to live for. Landlady ( to boarder ) "How is tbo butter , Mr. Dumleyi" . Dumley ( u produce' broke'r ) "Quiet , but strong , madam , and in .little de mand. ' " ' " _ ' ' , ' ' . ' . . . .It 'i now "the , season-pf. sackcloth and PRESS CLUB BENEFIT Monday EveningFeb. . 27th. CDP c + CDI i Uln CD Ula CD.Q a .Q O Ula O ft CD TJ CDUl Ul CDO CD e cf- Boyd's Opera House. ashes , but society wants the sackcloth made up becomingly and the ashes mubt bo ashes of roses. Mrs. Blogg ( to Inquiring stranger ) Yes , wo nro in a musical community. You have no idea how many executioners of musiu wo have in town. Many a man who remains "at the olliro' till late at night to balance his books finds considerable dlfllculty in balancing himself on his way homo. Bill Brown , n poor but honest New York newsboy , wont to Dakota seven years ago yesterday without a rag on his back. Now ho Is covered with 'em. RFamily Physician I am afraid you have en eating too much cuke and sweet stuff. Let mo sco your tongue. Little Girl Oh , you can look at it , but it won't ' tell. DTgnatius Donnelly complains that the print ers' strike In Chicago has seriously delayed work on his book , "Tho Great Cryptogram. " Strikes are not always so bad , after all. You may shout and fume and stamp and rage , And swear and hoot und blast ; But you'll never roach your dwelling With the horse car that Is past. A new steel gun has been designed for our now bteel navy. As the enemy approaches the muzzle his attention Is attracted by a small sign , "Drop a nickel in Ilio blot und see the gun to off. " Kitty was on the lounge , purring as loud as she could , and Katie was coddling her "Oh , mamma , " she cried all ut once , "mj kitty has got u washboard in her throat , nnd I can feel the noise rub over it. " Selbby Good rooming , Mr. Grayson , Can't I show you tome of our new suitings and trousering1 * ' Grayson Not to-day. I only want a few collarings and culling * ; and , say , what can you give me in the way of good boot ings 1 Mr. Jinks ( to landlady ) What klml of a duck did you say this was , Mrs. Dinklyi" Landlady "I didn't say. , I dimply ordered a duck from the butcher's , " Mr. Jinks ( striig- rllnjrwith.a second .Joint ) " 1 think he him sent you n.dccoy duck. " MUSEUM. 1018 - Farnam - Street , Max Meyer's Building. LIST OF CURIOSITIES NOW ON EXHIBITION. TallcHt Iu ly Albino O-Tonl Cannibal dilanl. A C'ongrehs ortiiantN. .Mr.diiine Ahliluy , .Siialu ; C'liarnioi Itoyal Marioiiutts. Moss Haired Ia ly , 1OOOO Hcrodfaii Mynfcry , A Genuine C'lrcatxlun l.ady. Kdlion'h IMioiiOKnipli Avondcr , lit ! Talking Itlaclilno. Prof. I > u Cilnbo In Exhibition Afternoons & Evening ! Special invitation to Ladies und Chil dmi. Admission - 10 Cent ! ' , cuiMmii : i ; cuvrs. . . . .