I THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , JANUARY 20. 1888. TWELVE PAGES , tt A CLEVER BUSINESS WOMAN , 'I ' - fclrs. Frank Losllo'a Energy and Enterprise. bn. HAMMOND'S PECULIARITIES' Mrs * Cornclliid Vniuli-rblll A. Hinge Struck Iluauty Tlio Art of Dancing A New Whim Clnru Itcllc'H IiL-Her. , Fob. 1. [ OoiTOfepomlenre o ! Iho HIK. : ] Poi-lmps I Hhnll ot Mr.s- Frank Loollo iissasaiitiitcd' hut IIUVPI- mind. It inny be noted , by th < j way , that riho IH now u trademark simply Frank Lcallo , without .preface , ncconi- ingto her legalized signature. This cleverest of New York buslnex ! * women dlscufned to mo Rome points of her re cent hoVourn in Km-ni > o with a jroedom which might. Hhock many of her alstcrrf. She met there all sorts of people , under nil Boris of elrcumatanees. She hap pened -to inontion the fact that she WHS ' lirought in rontuet with u number of women who devote their lives to the { struggle for woman suffrage in England , nnd I inked her how thin tribe of fe- innluH compare with their ulstora in the United States. Her reply is not calculated to make her beloved among America's strong-minded daugh ters. Said she : "They urw quite as earnest and indomitable and life uway at parliament as regularly us our women do at the legislatures. The only polns of difTt-renee which I observed were tlu-.se : The woman suffrage champions whom t mot in England were ladies , eharming in manner and fair to look upon , and , strange as it may hecni ladies who took considerable interest in gentlemen and their Mu-iely. TIerc you may have observed , they are not al ways charming , are seldom comely , and , as ii rule , abhor the society of men , ex cept Biifh as openly espouse their theories. " Sneaking of peculiarity 'n ' manner , everybody has heard of llli. WII.UAM HAMMOND. The description of hiaimage of Itudhn , which stands in the hpaeioiu liallwavof his beautiful residence on West 'Fifty-fourth street , has been spread far and wide. Hois a believer in the religion of Dudha. His frequent appearance- before thepublic in 1m hpccial line , as an autliority upon all eases in which the brain is a prominent . .feature , has Mjrved not less to win for him fame. His ( icrsonal uppcarancv has been thoroughly discus-ed , and hi' iirominent physical characteristics have 1 > een frequently described. It is in his study , however , where he receive * his patients , that his appearance is tin most impressive. Seated in his high- backed chair of carved walnut , ho bear * at times a striking and most awful re- bomblanco to the grim figure that lias for many years silently stared from it * pedestal 'in the corridor. Indeed , there is an almost laugha ble likeness between him and the imago of his deity. Im | > osing , inajestk and grand , ho looks like an oracle , One feature of Dr. Hammond has so far escaped nubile notice ; that is. the man ner in which ho receives his fees. Tt understand this thoroughly the _ readei must have some idea of the position in whidi ho sits and that occupied b\ tin Tiatiotit. Imagine a largo room will high ceiling , beautifully furnished decorated in dark and impressive colors. A largo desk , covered will iiapers and pamphlets and books thai look chock fiiU of wisdom , and tlu doctor in his chair , wheeled clo ely U the desk. Immediately behind tht desk stands a high screen , which afldi to the wizard-like appearance of tin room. The patient sits at one cornei of the desk , facing the doctor. Onl ; the corner of the desk is between bin and his adviser. Among all the thing , in the room and si-altered over tin desk , thai which at once rivets the at tontlon of the visitor and which hi eye cannot , however much it will escape , is a small glass weigh resting upon three carefully arrangci bank notes- The lower note rosls in > diagonal position , the one above i crosses it diagonally ; and resting upoi this too , in such a manner as to bid their denominations , is a crisp $20 note It stares at one with an awful threat It seems to say , "Don't dare to prosum to hand oul less than me. liven as the doctor talks , pouring ou words of wisdom to his suffering patient or perhaps the patienl's friend , his ey - glances calmly upon this $20 note There is ovidenlly a sympathetic feel " ing between the bank note and it owner. 1 know its effect upon mo who I had occasion to visit the doctor some time ago was that which I hav described above. Try as I wotd to keep my eyes away , the would always revert back then until I became so nervous that much e : what I wanted to learn and much c : what I wanted to say , wore forgotten Itolontlcssly , remorselessly , that bil hold my soul within its grasp. Who ; the time came for leave taking I dare not ask the umonnl of Iho fee , bu tremblingly drew forth a note of mmila ( Jonoinliuitioii. MUP. etmjfi'.uus .7. VANmnmii/r pata-cd mo in Kinth avenue Ibis mornin and I inontion it bocauo she illustrate the now fact thai Iho outline ot the No * York women of fashion , when on dross jnxnulo , is undergoing steadily a pos live change. This is not ob or\ \ able in a front view , but ' i located in that section of ontl denominated the bustle. This is stem ily dropping from the waist line , and : apparently endeavoring to reach tli knees as an ultimate destination. Tli extreme slope from the waist to tb points of the busllo in the case of Mr Vanderbilt was about forty-live degree ; The new style is voted by the critics < taste who promenade Ilroadway , to c no improvement. Hy way of a eostuni topic , they are telling in burlestit : circles thai stately Annie Sommorvilli the principal actress In a current bui losquo at iv Hroadway theater , place her litllo daughter in a proconium bu nt u matineu. It was a cold day. Anni wasskirtless , of course , and bare as 1 arms and shoulders. The ohlld lennc bolicltoutily over the box railing , at time whoa she fane-led Unit noboil would notice the confidential commun cation , and said : "Poor mamma , ain't you coldV" The front row of dudes overheard th portiuont question , and laughed i loudly that Annie's "HuhV" wu silenced to the rest of the audience. Nearly everyone among the amuse incut loving public has witnessed tl : startling exhibitions given in show i border Ufa. They have garoel with at miration on the young woman fro Texas or any one of the territories , a tlrod like ) a fcnmlo cowboy and giftc with a nerve and an eye which onabli her to perform the most diUIcult fea in miu-Kbiiwiibhip with pistol or rifle , i a distance of fifty to one hundred foe This young lady from the great ar . rolling west ih also a familiar figure t thei variety stage. The other evening I happened In i Texas Charley's little shooting gallery on Bleaker street. Charley is a little down on his luck temporarily , and picks vp a dime in the conventional Bowery style. As I entered a young woman at tired cheaply but showily , stood with a light rifle at her shoulder , aimed at the mosit conspicuous bulls eye while Charley was explaining to her the science of marksmanship , Including the l > ositlon of the feet. Besides the young woman stood a slender voung man of in- onVnslve meln nnd colorless complex ion. He looked dismally on while she shot wide of the mark , and for every failure criticized the gun or her In structor , for fully live minutes. She " was Hiiro she could"do belter if allowed to have her own way. Finally the pair left and Charley ga've way to his feel ings. Said he : "That makes mo very tired. She wants to go on the stage as A WILD Wl'.vf MIOOTKU. but she'll never learn if she keeps on this wav. There's plenty more just like her. too. " "A Wild West shooter ? " "Yes. Don't von know that game yet ? Why , nearly all these women who ligure as Texas Jennie , or Wyoming Lior some such name , hall from New York or Chicago. Why , I've taught a do/en of thorn myself but it's bard work , for they always want to talk more than half the time. However , I've -tirned - out several who can cut out a licture with a pistcl , or split a card ivlth a rifle. They re all Now Yorkers. You , it pays fairly well to teach them. " "Who is that young man who was lore just now ? " "Oh , he's the girl's husband. He's a lork in a big dry goods store uptown. " Pistol and rillo shooting , by the wav. ontliitu ! to be a fad among the solid wells of the metro | > olis , and more than mo of them took his first lesson in a nodesl shooting gallery on some down- own thoroughfare. The genus dude islet lot proficient in the art. Perhaps lie is if raid of a gun , or ho may consume nore cigarettes than are good for his lerves. But such solid men about town s Pierre LorillardFrank LordHerman Oelricbs and others of that classare cx- lerts with both weapons , although as n nle preferring pistol practice. Kuro- [ wan duellists cannot challenge such Mow Yorkers with the impunity of a 'ew years ago. A do/en or fifteen young society men from Murray hill confess that they t rayed far down town in their cabs , the ilhur night , and halted at the notorious fianco-hoii.se which is known as Billy Mclory's. ( ! Alter waiting an hour and 'icing bored by a common place variety entertainment ou the stage , "irokcn overj now and then by i wait/ on the wa.xed floor by the men and women who make the piacearenele/.vous , the uptown swells decided to enjoy await ' waitthemselves. . One of thorn tolls' mo that the girls needed no introductions > r persuading , and the young male mrtnors in the previous dance slunk nick to the chain * around the tables , mdor the shadow of the gallery. The band struck up and the dancing began. Then a very queer scries of incidents oc curred. First one of the young women dropped her partner in the rniel- illo of the floor , and walked to a chair ; then another fair walt/.or stopped and romonstnited"with her escort , so did iinothor and another. Two or three of the women presently re-appeared on the floor with partners chosen from among the loungers at the table. "What s the matter ? " inquired the spoke.stnan for the uptown youths. ' "We've f and will got plenty e > money , buy all the wine in the house , if neces sary. Why don't you ladies dance with ' ' us ? "Because you can't dance , " was the reply. ' But that's nonsense , " said one of the _ wells. _ "Wo all dance at the best par ties a nil balls uptown , Come , what u the real reason for you all behaviny this way ? " "You don't any of you know how to dance , " ' " \ ou are as clumsy as goats , ' "I ain't a going to fall over a man's feet all round the room , " wore the replies ol three e > f the young women. Never wore a lot of men more non plussed than these. Almost before thoj could got oil the floor the women wen in the arms of the men they were ac customed to dancing with , and the throng slid and turned in unison us graceful and e sy as the heaving of tlu ocean on a calm day. The uptown swells took their defeat as graciously as possible , but they looked unhappy ami confused. The truth was that though they could waltz well enough foi the average society belle , and as grace fully as the ordinary mau who tunes his stops to music one or two elo/.ei times a year , they wore not fitted tf take the places ol. the regular dancers at a dance house like this. Tlicw follows dance for a living , anil an at work at this singular calling betweei five and ton hours a night every day ii the year. In this city and Brooklyi something more than lour hundred m'ei follow that vocation in the dance houses music halls and low resorts. They an paid from one elollar to live dpllars ; night , according to the skill and reputation tation they possess , and they scarcely ever dance anything but waltzes. Thoj literally do no other work than dance For the rest of their living they doponi on the women and on hotting. Constant partnership with them cdu cates Till' WO3IKN OKTIIKSi : UKSOllT.s to a proficiency as high iii their own , si that in those places the lust one.s it which one would look for a graceful ac cninplihhinont there is a greater churn of rhj thin to the wait/ movement thai is soon in an assembly of the Junior Pa triarchy or the F. C. D. C''s in Dolmen icoV. These MIIIIU men and wome'n an employed at most of the great masquerade ado balls of the win tor in thi academy and the opera house , gome times to dance in costume ) , and some times in evening dress. They attrac all eyes , and never fall to win ad mini tion , if not applause for their finished performances. Now and then a conn try beau , who prido.i himself on hi : dancing , asks for an introduction to ; girl whose charming movements ho ha admired , and ton to one ho is stnggurei by hearing her respond to his compli montn with ; "Sa-a-y , shorty , gimme little loss taffy. If ycr want to dance climb in nnd show us" what yer can do. If ho proves aw It ward ho is summaril , dismissed. The newsiest whim in that p-irt c Now York polite society which suffer from chronic ennui may bo called tlu "pug dog reception. " It is yet too earl ; to say whether this form of social ontoi tainmont will become a jwrinnnont feat ure of high lifo , or oven enjoy a season able run of the season. But ft has man a beginning under such auspices as shov that its promoten > are considerable ii earnest. The set which inauguratei this diversion is composed almost entirely tirely of unmarried girls. The alfai which came under my noticnasav ranged for at an afternoon call , when- three or four of the parlies ceme-ernei happened to meet. All brought alon ; limit- pugs and ihe dignified doligh with which the snub-nosed creature viewed each other led to the suggestio of giving to the pug the complete ; llavo of the grade of lifo in which they exist Two or three conferences had to bo hel over the matter , and when it took shap those who wore upon the list as 6liglbl i received adalntj invitation , uixm tinte and perfumed paper , in which "Chai t ley , " of No. Fifth avtinuu requesto the pleasure of "Danny" or "George' * , or "Jim , ' ' as the name of . TIlK INVITED l'tt might happen to ho , to a b o'clock tea upon a Wednesday afternoon. The pugs began to arrive , each one In ils own coach of course , and allonded by Its mistress , ' shortly after 4 o'clock , and by fi there Were nearly a score present. It must bo said that the ladles concerned in the affair enjoyed the thing thoroughly. There was a con tinual chatter as they passed from one pug to another nnd inspected its niona- gram stroked its ears and said cunning things to the haughty little animal. There were * doubtless not a few jealous heart-burnings either on account of the evident superiority of some one dog over another. But such feelings wore ) carefully concealed and everything moved with that bcrinity and animation which together mark the doings of all highly cultivated people. As for the dogs , there was a good deal of snarling and such confusion that before the af fair was over , the ladies Iwid each to take her own dog and hold him in hoi- lap to prevent canine mtsundorstand- intrs taking place upon the parlor floor. Tea was served at 6 o'clock in the re ception room , the pugs maintaining their places In the laps of their mis tresses who sipped tea from china cups and nibbled cake and confectionery placed upon the napkins beside the pots in their silken laps , and when it was over , the respective maids of the mistresses and pugs came in with warm coats and elegant wraps , and tucked up the ugly creatures so that they should not by any possibil ity suitor from the chilly air of the win ter evening. The maids saw the dogs homo while the mistresses tarried for further chatting , and altogether they agreed that the occasion had been an immense success , so that it is quite prob able that others will bo hold before the season is over ChAUA hDUCATIOXAh. Dr. McCosH's resignation ns president of Princeton took uffect February 1. A school of mines is to bi ! established as nn auxiliary to the college ) of Montana ut Deer Lodge. George . Cable , the novelist , has been of feree ! the presidency of Fairmount colleges for women , at Wichita , Kan. The endowment fund of the Kansas Agri cultural college now amounts to iJ.'iOO.UlX ) , and yields an income of fIfJX)0. ( ) Prof. Brewer , of Yale is engaged in malc- ihg a topogniphie-al map of Conucctlcnl on a si-ale of one mile to an inch. The cost will he about $ COlX ( ) ) . The public schools of "Massachusetts are so badly managed that parents are with drawing their children and sending them to priv.ite schools. The failure of the trustees of Union college to elect a president at their meeting in Al bany , January 'J4 , resulted in a lively display of indignation on the part of the students. Richard F. Kemble of the class of 1718 of Columbia college , died ut ColdSpnng-on ; Hudson on Monday , at the ago of eighty- cight. Ho was the oldest living graduate of the college. John Tullon , Texas state treasurer under Governor Hamilton , died at Galvuston , Mon day , aged sixty-two years. Ho bequeathed his fortune , JlfiO.OOO , to the city of Galveston , < or the establishment of an industrial school. Glrard college now contains tiSO ! pupils. The total capital amounts to $ IObai , :30 : , of which nearly eight million dollars is produc tive. The net revenue Is nearly half a mil lion dollars , and the college is sustained nt n e-oKt of little more tlnin four hundred thousand dollars. Calvin Foirbank , the abolitionist who re ccived ; ( . " ) , 150 lushes ut , the hands of south erners , Is still living in good health ut Angel ica , N. Y. A movement has been started to rulso a fund of ir > , ir > 0 , or $1 for each of his stripes , to endow u Calvin Fulrbank college for the education of negroes. II. J. Furbcr , Jr. , is a yoilnp man not yet twenty who is pieparing to found u great university at Chicjgo after that of Heidel berg. He will devote $1,000,000 as un In ducement for other citizens to join in the movement. Ho is a graduate of the late Clilc-ago university and is now in Berlin studying. The State Colorado university is In a flour ishing condition ; there is u much larger at tendance than ever before ; the boarding cot. Uigos are full. The courses have been con siderably modified , and in such a way as to atford greater opiwrtunity for the study ol science. A normal course , covering foui years , has been provided ; graduates for the normal department will be qualified to teach in any public school of the state of whatevci grade. RELIGIOUS. A $100,000 cathedral will bo built by the Catholics nt Lincoln , Neb. The international scientific congress ol Honuin Catholics will meet in Paris ncxl April , and has for its object the promotion and development of science for the defence of the Catholic faith. The Protestant Episcopal church of the United States reports for 18S7 a total ol 4U7.785 communicants , un increase of lHr ! ! > There is an incicasa of ninety clergymen , tin tolal being ! ! , b.'l.r . It is only fifty-six years since the llrsl Catholic church was erected In Now Hamp shire ) . The builder was the well known Kov. Virgil Hor.xe'o Barber , who was before con version to Uoman Catholicism un Episcopal minister. General Booth of the Salvation army has pushed his forces into the holv city of Judah Instead of "David's harp of solemn sound' the modern Jew will have his car vexed will. . the ringing of the tambourine and the rattle of the drum. But the forces will not sto | hero long , ns they are en route for Xululnmt The British Blblo society has bec-n operat ing in Belgium for the last fifty-two years during which period it has put in circulation 7tGM ) copies of the scriptures in a country where ) the bible was so completely forgottc-i that many of the people did not know thai such a book was In existence. The special coricsioiidcnt | of the Baltimore Sun at Homo writes that important change' in connection with the government of the Catholio church In the United States are con templated. Though nothing has been formu luted , \ ct , it Is agreed UIKIII in ccclcsiastica circles that Archbishop Williams , of Boston will be made a cardinal at n consistory ii March. The Congregational church , which has hail mi existence ) in this country sine-o KiJO , now numbers 4-77 ehuri-hes , 4,000 ministers mn ) , 'li'T' ! ; ' , ) communicants. The net gain during the last four years has boon ! f 11 churches , Ili ! ( ministers and 4S,7l'iO communicants * An in creasing activity , especially in the west , promises still greater icsults In the foui years to come > . A table showing tno percentage of collcgi students who enter the ministry , prepared by I'rofoswr G. P. Morris , shows the follow ing decrease : At Harvard , from'ru pei cent lOoO to 1 per cent in 1S75 ; at Yale , fron : 74 nor cent In 1710 to 8 per cent in 16sl ( ; ui Princeton , from 40 percent in 1850 to 18 pci cent In Ih7."int Williams , from " 5 per cent ii IRK ) nnd 40 per cent in ISi'i , to 12.7 per cenl In ISM ) ; ut Amhcist , from ( U ( > orcent in 1W.1 to 111 ! i per cunt in IbsO. Wcsloyun stil shows : to per cent of mlinstcis among hci graduates. The Univcrsalist Hoglstor for 1SSS report1 a total of ( bS parishes , : toiiiS : families , 'A ( churches , 117,807 church members , 1J57 Sun day schools , r > tr > : itl members of Sundnj se-hools , 7W1 church edifices , nnd a vuluatioi of church property amounting to $7 , ! > 'J1.V > 0 IUiK > rls uro given from twclvo ne-ademies colleges , seminaries and divinity schools having in all 110 professors umr teachers am 1.-JS4 students. The estimated v.iluo o school and college property i * $ . ' ,7IMO ( ! , o which total $1,100,000 represents Tufts col lego. lego.A A younc preacher picked up Blsho | Pierco's hat , and put It on his own head , am it was oxaclly a lit.'Why , Bishop , " suK ho , "your head and inlno uro exactly tin same &Uo. " "Yes , " replied the bishop , " 01 the outside. " He-nrl Hcrz , the pianist , who died rcccutl ; at an advanced ago , wus a Juvemilo prodigy u far back us 4311 , At the ago of eight year ho had played in concerts , and his tlrst com position for tpo piano fortu waa written whci ho wus eight anil a half years old. RI.NGVI.AIUTIKH. , A whltfl raccoon has been caught by a hunter of Purls , Mo. Froel Gibson , living four miles from Carrollton - rollton , Md , killed a large eagle near hi * house. U was go loaded down with sleet that it could npt Hy. A man In AvoniPenn..has Just cut a squash which weighed 140 iKninds. It was one of a family of thlrte-cn , all of which grew on n sin gle vine , and the smallest of which weighed SiTlncy Smith , of Swnrtrwood , N. J. , getup up In his sleep ami walke-d three miles throngh the snow barefooted.Vhcn found he wus still asleep , but badly frozen , the thermometer being below zero. A Sallnu , Kas. . man walked a quarter of a mile to get u gun to kill a Jack rabbltt which he saw In Ihe road , and after he had tlml a heavy charge at ft ho found thai the rabbilt was already fro/en to death. A dog was scon In Akron , O. , e-oastlng on a sled with a party of Doling people , nnd ho sucmed to enjoy the sport fully as much ns the rest' He rode both down Iho hill nnd up , and nttracted much attention. Little * Dennis nnd William Pumell. of Snow Hill. Md. , found a covey of partridges e-on- tnlning three nlbinos. Two of the birds \\ero tilled. One was pure white und the other nul n single brown feather on its back. An Orlumliij Flu. , ncwspa | > or man has sub stituted u nalr of sand hill cranes for wute-h dogs , and he tlnds that their loud , clear note of warning when u tramp or u burglar comes near is un effective means of protection. A strange freak of nature wus noticed re cently In Gainesville , Flu. An orange tree vith deiul nnd decayed limbs , from which the caves had fallen months ago , suddenly put forth new leaves and a full set of blossoms. The Dayton ( Oro. ) Chronicle says that n > ctriflcd man has been discovered by a far- ner in a lonely gulch nine miles from that ilue-c. The man was leaning against n small > Iuff of rock , ami upon examination was 'ound lo bn completely turned to stone. A man in Milton , Gu. , owns n mule which will not pull a wagon even wl.cn beaten with u club. The proprietor of the mule has dis covered , however , that a handful of sand 01 cottonseed thrown nt the animal makes it move off ut a lively rate. He keeps u bag of joth in his wagon. A singular accident happened to n horse Lhat was standing ne-ar the planing mill at Heaver Fulls , Pa. The circular saw struck n * not In u board , causing the knot to Ily like u tmllet through the wall and into' the side of the horse , where it imbedded itself in the llesh and caused u paidful wound. A Scotch terrier , owned by C. Graeme ol Wuterton , Wis. , can ut a glance detect n bogus silver dollar from a genuine one. A few duys ago ho wns tukon to u bank , nnd 11 handful of good dollars mixed with bad ones was placed in a pile on the table. The do ; ; Jumped on the table , scattered ttie money with his paw , and quickly picked out nil tlu food dollars. The bad ones ho would nol touch. Abe Marsh , a farmer , residing about seven miles northwes of Dallas , Tex. , rojKUts thai while a party of young folks wore cnjoyinp themselves at his house , three rattlesnnks glided out of n hollow log which hud beer placed on the flre and began moving aroma : the room. The company stnmpede'd all but i baby , over the lap of which one of the snake- crawled harmlessly , The snakes , the largest of which measured over live feet , were dis patched with u pitchfork. George Morgan butchered n cow the other d y and took out of her stomach the follow ing articles , which have been examined by 11 rciwrtcr : Forty-two nails and pieces o nails , four buttons , one brass safety pin , out pin with black rubber head , one copper cent , three pieces of Vvutcli chain ono piece si ) inches , one four inches and the other one ui inch long : thrco'lurge ' pieces of glass , one piece of oystjer shell , four pieces of brnsi wire , three small pieces of iron , three piece' of brass anda piecei of hoop skirt. If any body can kill a e w with Inore articles inside of her than this , we would like them to Irot her out. At Albany , Gn. , n short time since , Mrs Dowdell , wife of the presiding elder of tin Ameiieun 'Methodist Episcopal church stepped into.hcr yurd and saw her pet mill teso cat playing With n huge snake. The ca is a very largo ouo. The snake was celled t ( strike. Every tjmo the serpent would striki at it with its wicked-looking fangs the ca would give it a vigorous slap on the side o head nnd it would bo withdrawn. This by play continued for fully an hour , Mrs. Dow dell standing upon the stops watching tin combat , and fearing every moment to wilnos the death of her pot. At last the cat pouncci upon the snuko und killed it. 1BI1MKTIKS. A Nebraska church fair netted 11 cent five law suitsnn , Incendiary ttrcand , a brokci leg. leg.Sam Sam Small says that "if there is an abom ination this side of hell it is a eliurc fair. " Sam Jones now declares Kansas City to b closer to the bottomless pit than any city h has over visited. Mr. Jones is just bcgiutiinj his travels. In the Sunday school : Teacher Whn can you tell moot Lot's wife ) } Little girl- Mother says I mustn't tulk about other folk behind their bucks. A Chicage preacher is talking about "huri Ing sinners into the endless despair of tli bottomless pit. " It it all right for the pee sinner if the pit is bottomless , Falling i easy , but lighting is what scrunches. "My brethren , " said Swift in a sermon "there are three sorts of pride viz. , of blrtti of Helios , and of talent. I shall not speak o the lust , us none of you is liable to that abom inublo vice. Tlio man who goes fishing nnd sits in trump-inviting posture on a narrow thwar from early morn till dewy eve nnd calls i fun , Is the same chap that never goes t church becuuse the pews aren't comfortable A congressman who heard House's versioi of the Psalms sung and was assured tha David wrote and sang them , said ho now un elcrstood what was before u mystery wh Suul tried to kill him. A Lon Ion firm a'U'ortispi ocond-hand ser nnnsjlightly dunu'ol , 5 shillings pu hundred weight ; assorted , 7 shilling * pc hundred weight ; hand picked , splcndli valua , durable , 13 shillings per hundrei weight. Will S. Hayes , the lyric poet of the Ohi valley , has written n now hymn for Mi Sankoy. Mr. Hayes can write hotter hymn nnd guess the ngc of whisky more accurate ] , than any other man between Cincinnati mn Pnducah. A party of Jocose Americans recently san , "Hero's n How Dy'o Do" and other scrap from "Tho Mikado" hoforo the great bronz imago of Binldlm , at Kumukiira , Japan. Tli Japanese were awed by the bong , am thought it was offered as nn invocation t Buddha. "Do you intend to hear the now mlniste to-morrow I" inquired a member of th dcaeon'No , I iiou't. I'm not going to he.i any now preacher until I know what folk think about him. " "But yon ought to us .vonr own Judgment. " " 1 never work 01 Sunday. " Country minister ( to Vermont Deacon- ) "A stranger In 'town to-day rather ndmlrei that hor.se > of yours , Brother Jones. shouldn't bo surprised if you could make i good tnulo with him. " Vermont Dcacon- "AH right , dominie. Just point the follu out , will you } But don't let on that lam i deacon. " A Snapping- Shoals , Ga. . colored preache a few Sundays ago from tliu pulpit solemn ! ; read : " 1 was oiico young ; I is now old. hub nober seen do righteous forsaken , no hit ! seed begging oh bread. But , " ho said laving the book down and raising his specs' ' " 1'h ' seen them hustle llko the dobble fo meat. " Two brotheis not living moro than flft ; miles from Hurrodsbnrg , Ky , look BO tnucl ullle that when ono of them Joined the Bi ; ) list chu.ich and was nbont to bo Immersed nnd found that he had no clothes suitnbV ? fo the e > ccasion , ns ho expressed It , ho paid hi brother 10 cents to bo bapti/ed in his place This story seems incredible , but it Is the fuel and would never have ) been found out hii not the brother got angry und given it nwaj "Dal 'nr 'Lias Snodgrass um thoinos' or rollpious nltrgor lobbcrelid co , " roniurke- - old Jordan Johnson to Uncle Billy ( ! u hei What's ho bin eloin' now I" "Ain't bin doln nuniin. Hit's 'is way ob tnlkin' . " "What1 ho bin snyin' f" "Why , the odder day w were all tellln' Mm 'bout the golden street nn' do crowns of glory an' do place whn dero am nnflln to do but Jes' to plnv goldc ha'hps. " "An1 didn't 'Lias b'liobo UI" " dnnno for suah , but all ho said wuz dtit c eluy'd give him u golden banjo ho mout mat ago to git erlong , but ho nubber could pi a on a hn'hp , and ho reckoned ho wuz too ol to learu. " ; IN THE FUNNY MAN'S DOMAIN , The Mnltl Across the Wny The Walk Didn't Grow. THE BLOATED BUMBLE BEE The * Oi-gnn Grinder An Kasy Divorce A Peieir Offer Fme The lloss Linguist Out il' Order-"Ho Miulo n Iteport. The Mnlel Across the Wny. fYwn the Hurtli , There Is a maid lu-rosa the street , In form and fae-e extremely neat , With raven locks uiiel tiny feet ; I see her every day. And yet she e-oldly looks on me , And e-arcs not for my misery : A cold und haughty maid is she , The maid across the way. No smile upon her face appears , No glune'o of love my sad heart cheers , Though I bo bathed in sorrow's tears , And for affection pray. No light of love creeps In her eyes ; I've never seen her laugh or cry , Though often I may pass her by , The maid across the way. Her hair Is llko the raven's wing , She cannot play , or dance , or slug , ! But In her nose she wears a ring , And is dressed in raiment gay. Yet she is wooden to the e-ore. This Indian maid that stands before The door of the tobacco store That's Just across Iho way. The Walk Didn't Grow. Mr. Bean anil Miss Alllbono wore. walking in Green's pasture last Sunday und sat down on a mossy bank. "Isn't this moss beautiful ? " said Misa Allibouo. "I low to look at it ; how it grows upon you. " 'Very likely it does on yon , Miss Alli- bono , but it does not on mo ; I'm not a mossbaek. " Tills remark shortencel their walk about three hours. as She Is Wrote. The Icachcr , a lesson ho taught ; The preacher , u sermon ho pruught , The stonier , he stole ; The heeler , ho hole , And the screeehcr , he awfully scraught. The long-winded speaker , ho spoke ; The poor oftlce seeker , ho soko ; The runner , he ran ; The dunncr , he dan : And the shrieker , he horribly shroko. The flyer , to Canada flew ; Thu buyer , on credit ho bow ; The doer , ho did ; The slier , ho sid ; And the liar ( a fisherman ) lew , The writer , this nonsense ho wrote ; The lighter ( an editor ) fete ; The bwiunncr , ho swam : The skimmer , he skam ; And the biter was hungry and hole. The Best Time to Itc Born. "Mamma , dear , " said Janet , "at what limo in the day was I born ? " "At 2 o'clock in the morning. " "And what time was I born ? " asked Jack. "Not until 8 o'clock. " "Ah , " cried Janet , "my birthday's longer than yours. " "Well , " said Jack , "what's the use of being born before it's time lo got up ? ' : Protection vs. Free Trade. They sat together on the lounge ; A blush suT ( sed her face As round her form his manly arm Stole in u tight embrace. "Is it quite proper , John , " she said , "That you should hug mo sol" "It is , my dear , " ho prompt replied , "My warmth of love to show. "Free trade in kisses wo have had You never did object ; And now that you should disapprove I scarcely did oxpcct. "Besides , my arm a symbol Is , To show my future wife The duty of protection which I'll owe to her through life. " Then in low tone she archly said : "Perhaps you may , dear John , If that's the view you take of it , Just keep the duty on. " An Ensy Divorco. "If your Husband makes life so un pleasant for you , Mary Juno , why don'l you got a divorce ? " "I hav.e thought of it , but I don't need ono now. I can got rid of him chenpoi than thai. " "How so ? " "John has been engaged for next sea son as a base-ball umpire. " The Illoatctl Humble Bee. Unlso the pickens for the chickens , Raise the buby on your knee , But never raise a rumpus With a bloated bumble beo. Don't you slight him , don't you fight him Even on your own domnlnj If you do It you will rue It While you wrestle with u pain. Don't you boss him , don't you cross him When the flowers are in bloom ; If you meet him try to greet him With respect and lots of room. Don't attend him , don't offend him On the fragrant llow'ry clumps ; I toll > ou why , ho'll dot your eye And give j our oar the mumps. Ono allusion In conclusion To the weapon you should fear ; Only ono , a noodle gun , Which fetches up the rear. If you enrage him and engage ) him In a battle with his foes. Friends will wonder why in thunder You wear that poultice on your nose. In conclusion , in confusion , Just break the ranks und run From this yeoman , dauntless Honian , With his hypodermic gun. A Poor OITcr. "I understand , Softloy , " remarked Nibson , "that you are going to got mar ried. " N "There is homo truth in the report. 1 have offeree ! my hand to a young lady in Harlem. " "Was that the best you could do ? " "What was the matter with that ? " "If the hand you ollored her was nn boiler than the mcaoluy pair of nines or bobtail flush that you generally hold , she would bo justified in throwing it up. " The ) Organ Grinder. I bore it with cxusiioratioii , That organ-grinder's din : Most dismal sound In all ci cation , A music that's u sin ! But when I went with spirit groaning , And nccunts wild , though sad , Beseeching him lo stop that droning , Or he would have mu mad. Ho stayed his crankand stared in wend r. i Indignant cap-u pie ; "It makes you cioy , docs it ! Thunder 1 What d'ye think of moi" Ily a lii Majority. A writer says : "No man emu mustoi Iho whole ) range of human knowledge.1 If ho is a good ban ) ball pituhor , ol tlu curvu brand , it is not necessary to know anything else. This acquiromonl in Iho newspaper race for fame and wealth , outweighs all other branches of human knowledge by a big majority , with nc distriela lo hear from. Well , of Course. A wc.slcrn judge has decided that i man is in duty bound to toll his wife whore he spends his evenings when he is away from homo. Ho generally doe- but nine times out of ten ho hasn'l boon there. And when lie tolls her the truth , she thinks ho hiu been somewhere else anyhow. The HOHN li Burdollo : "And so Tom has go home from college , Mr. Higboo ? J un derstand ho is quite a linguist. " 'lie's the boss linguist , " remarkoe old Bigbeo , but not proudly. "Ho lingers down town till " rtVUn'k In the morning , nnd ho 'lingers lit bed till noon , and ho lingers at the table long iftor everybody OMO has gone away foundered , and there Is going to bo a reform in this linguist business , or you'll hear of a case of felo-de-se' In this family by wearing of a voung man out with a hickory gad , " and the * old man looked rocofute" , then me'lted Into thoughltulnes's and said that was the first Greek he had u-cd In thirty jears , sinccd ho clerked In a drug storo. nnd studied the old masters on the botllcs ami jars. Fnte. The beauteous night fell o'er us like n mist , Through which I saw the glory of her e.cs . Unspoken pain within their sombre depths , Like stormy se-as sleeping 'neath stoimy skies , By stars nnk ! scd. I saw the rlustcrcel brightness of her hair , A red-gold halo round her wearied fae-e , Where.1 one e-ould rend , in dreamy lips and eyes , That sorrow's hand had left Its blighting trace ) Forever there. I pleaded of my love , but all in vain ; She only gazed into the dim afar , A hunted look within her elusky eyes , Fixed on the swift , bright falling of a star , In silent pain. 'Tell me , " I cried , while lowly nt her feet , I told the longing of my throbbing lourt | : 'What is this cloud that o'er your jouujj life leans I Can I of Its deep anguish bear no part , No bunion sweet ! " She spoke no word to me , but drew her hood Of filmy lace from oft her red gold hair , And pointed , with a white and shuddering hand , Across the gray nnd dusky dark to where A white horse stood 1 Out of Order. Detroit Free Press : Colonel Parnllno Daw had been moving about in an un easy manner for some time , nnd ho now l > opped up and offered Iho following resolution : Ueseilved , Dat no man worthy of do name of an American will submit to do tyrant's hcol. "Brndder Daw , " replied the presi dent , after a painful silence , "did you ebor see a tyrant ? " ' "No. sail. " "What do you mean by de tyrant's heel ? " "I I dim no , sah. " "What's do objlek of dal resolushun ? " "I jist wanted tor interduco it.1' "Oh , you didl Brudder Daw , do quicker you kin sot down de heaUbierit will bo fur youj But fur do fact dal you am a comparatively new member , an' um down on de rolls marked 'harmless , ' I should flue you seven or eight thou sand dollars. You has probably been made the inslrumont of some member who has owed his butcher fur a y'ar pasl an' been dunned fur it. De resolu shun ar' dcclar'd outer order. He Made a Keport. Detroit Free Press : A citi/en of blow slop and melancholy look entered the Woodbridgostrool stalion Ihe other day and said he woulel like to make a re port. "Ou what ? " queried the sorgean t. "On a matlor which happened at my house an hour age ) . " 'Very woll. " ' I had a loaded revolver lying on a shelf in the clocl , " continued the man. "Got that down ? " "Yes. " "My wife's mother , who has boon liv ing with us for a year past , \vont into the closet to look after something.1 "Ah ! She did ? I see ! " "Anil in p.vwing around on the shelf she knocked the revolver to the floor. " "Just like a woman. It wasoxploded , of course ? " "Yes , sir. " "And the bullet entered her leg ? " "No , sir. " "Horanklo ? " "No , sir. " "Wonl into her foot , then ? " "No , sir , it never touched her at all. " "It didn't. Well , that's very queer. What did you want to report about it ? " "Why , , that it never touched her. 1 can't understand it. " The sergeant laid down his pen and looked at the man a long time. Then ho rose and look him 'by the arm ami walked him out doors and headed him down the street. "Can'thelp it , " said the man ns ho buttoned his coal , "that bullet never touched her and I can walk her down bore to prove it. " Hho Will Wnnt n Change. "Maria , , " said Mr. Wipedunks , ns ho ciuno in and throw u folded document on the table , "I have just insured my life for $ o,000 in year favor. There is the policy. " "Thank you. Ulinkcrson , " said Mrs. Wipodunks. "I hope it may bo many years before it will be of any use to mo , if over. " "It will bo of much use to you if you wish to marry again , " ho growled. "With $5,000 in cash you can pick out almost any fool you like. " "No , Ulinkor.son , " bho replied , alToc- tionatoly , "I think I should want a change next time. A Hulitlc Scheme. Boston Transcript : "Is Charley wailing on you or Mis Sniilh ? Excuse mo for nuking mieha question , tout foi the life ) ot mu t can't initko out whosa boiui hu is. " " \Vull , te ) toll the Irtith , neither e-iui I. Charley H lUtlo lieklo , ilnil ho is like most men , who , e'hlliii-eMt of iv largo growth , esteem what they have not rather than what they lutvo. I've an ieleir 1 gne-t.3 I'll lot him marry Miss Smith , iiiiii then ho'il always think the world of inc. " Intuition , Not CoiiNi'lonee. Uurdutto : "Did you never think , " naki'd the ehaiilain , "did there never e-omo to you a eoniellon , in your sinful lifo of rohht'i-y , that you were doing wrong'/1' ' 'Ofton , therei did boss , " ro- nlied the burglar half-nay , roth-eel , ' 'many a time it has flashed on mo when ' 1 was' in the nursery , whom the tlrst Hash of a bullV-oyo would waken lialf u ( lo..en howling kids , whem I ought to bo in the old man's bed-rojm n-akinln' his trousers and goln' through tho1 wardrobe - robe and btirenu drawers regular. Oh , yes. I've often felt asl wn doin' wronir. Hut" apologolically ' 'that was when t L'recii mind at the business , don't you Know. " I'HI'l'KuVlTxTTntOl'a. To effee-tiiiilly punish nn liullnn wit htm to work. No wintheuhas appeared yet nblo to frecto n brass liuini. An nwkwiml waller frequently plays the deuce ) with ttio trny , Mexican laborers pot 2(1 ( cents n day anil wo sincerely hope they earn It. An expensive ) pievo nf sculpture ) of any liotiso is tUo "bust" ot n water pipe. Is there any euro for snoringi nsks an In- qurier. Yes ; marry u woman with n temper. The proprietor of a new Florida hotel in iiinnod Cut. Hut Ills rules ni-o not numo- sukcs. It nniy take n thief to entrh n thief , but the fne-t is n bad slant on thu well-meaning po liceman. The niljectivo is the bustle of literature tv deformity lather than un ornament gener ally useless , The unselfish sex. He ( ardently ) "I'd give a million dollars to win jour love , Aile- lalae. " Shu "CashI" Of all the vlec in the world respeetablo viee is the worst. And how black it does look when It's fomid out. " 1 am ple.vsed to learn , " writes Senator Ingulls , concerning the ! recent fire , "Unit tlio neighbors saved the well. " When Dakota bevomes n state It will doubt less admit UM its e-ont of arms an ear iiuiffcou- ehiint und n shiver rampant. In tratliu' mules de man w'nt doun put n little fringe nn' u few buttons on do truf gits n IKI' bargain in iinimnl or boot. The Transcript speaks of the turtle ns tak ing a "lending piirt ut dinners , " We thought he generally nppeare'd ns n snpe. A e'orrespomlent imiulres if the reason that so many eor | > oratoiis ! are on their uppers nowadays is because they have no soles. If the pen is really mightier than the sword , wo wonder why it doesn't turn on some of the poets unit stub them to death. Lndy "There ! for the first time your bill is rensonnblo. " Florist ( excitedly ) "Quick 1 Let me see 1 I must Imvo made u mistake. " Sometimes it is hard to tell whether a man is lirm hi piinuiplo or simply obstinate , but the iniin.hlinsclf never oxpi esses any eloubt. Physician's wife How is the walking out dear ! J'liysiciun lieiintiful to-ihiy , my , beautiful 1 the pavements are one glare of ice ! Heal estate is so high nt Wichita , Kansas , that bootblacks , it is said , will give you n "shino" und pay you n dollar fer tha mud on your boots. A great university in Chicago Is promised by ono of the city's millionaires. Of course , hog Lilt in will be included among the clas sical studies , The kind of reed bird wo get at present in most of tlio city restaurants will Bland up em the toast nnd cry "chestnut , " if you say "keep off the grass ? " to them. Wo don't know whether to bcllnve thostory that Mr. Howells replied to n persnn who asked for a list of the best hundred books : "I have not written n hundred books. " Twenty-threes members of the present con gress claim lo Imvo been newspaper men at some Htngo of their development inte ) states men. That is how the profession gets its bud tcputntion. The Spectator gives as a good example of nn Irish bull the "celebrated remark of tlio man \ylio nsscrted that the state of affairs was 'enough to muko n man commit suicide , or pcilsh in the attempt.1" .Judge What is your unmet Witness Matilda Flanders. Judge Where do you live I Witness See here. * jeiige , 1 ain't hero to bo insulted. I bed that air masher run in for iixin' mo that wery sumo question. When It is thirty-eight degrees below nt St. Paul , it is just cold enough to harden up the rose buds and get 'cm ' in good shape for spring. If you doubt this , write to any rout estate dealer in the city , or consult the St. Pnul papers. Ono wntorvillo lady expressed a great deal of anxiety ever thu result of the vote on the charter question. When asked her reasons hho replied : "I don't want Wutervlllo to bo- t-oina n city because they suy cities ure very unhcnlthful places to live In. " When Landseer , the great animal painter , was introduced to the king of Portugal , the I lull or , whoso knowledge of English was sti icily limited , welcomed him with , "I am 1 delighted to muku your acquaintance1 , Mr. Landseor I mil so fnml of bcusts. " | A Kentucky man who was on his way to i Niagara Falls , nnd got laid over by uu accident , tolcgruuhcd on to see if thu falls operated on Sunday the same us other days. Ho was much gratified when informed that busine'ss continued right ulong every day in I the year. I Citi/en You look thoughtful , Unelo Uas- tus. Unrlo llastus--Yes , sah. Isogot wmio ilmuieiorin' business on ban' . Ynso hoerd I ob dcso different trusts , hnhhent yo' ? Citl/on Yes. Uncle Hnstiis Well , IBO gwine down to Iho grocer's fo' tor negotlulo fo' er 'stablishtn' ob a codfish trust. EVIRYirOUNG MAN Who is WE AH , HMJtVOUa or l..l..i > . uc in nn HOUR OF FOOLISHNESS MH trilled away lls STRENGTH. VITALITY or PltOVUUAXiVJU I'OWJHl. Weakened liis Mind , Unstrung his Nerves or sappul his SEXUAL STRENGTH and who now llmls hlmsnlf Hum-rftTplroS flhuiltlKJllAlKH nml JMHHVK N ERVELESS. ' IMPOTENT nmlUNSEXED by""eTeSVT . fjnjygry Middle-aged and Old Man 3 \\ho finds I'OWJ'.K nnd VITALITY , XKRVn and KUXUAI HTllVltOTlf , CAI'Aain'nnil rJllILItX FciiHlhlyvonkrncil. . WHETHER BY EXCESS OR NOT. nr who litmnolf abashed unit nslmmecl of ( ill UllJLDlSll WVAKHVHS , can linvo a luting oaf Jill a few it'icks or Minnf/i * UK * af the . JCAJJ ClVIALE , niscoTPror and Orlslnatnr of thin Mf Hiod. burgron lo I'Hotil I'lru. ' GIVIftLE TREATMENT trlere.nu Midi and ether Hotaltuii' I\irlMi Mtmbcr of the ' VcncA lca < i.inif , . cf Aitdidne. < te. ; < tv.'n"f" uiiAJii'u , itrjtiifttixii , nuuit , i-ozjit/vx AND TIltllilTY nro rapidly restored nnd every Nsrve , Fillip , anil TlMim of the licdy nnd of the GENERATIVE ORGANS IS STRENGTHENED , INVIGORATED AND no N-vr8iors : iiHiinniNa-Nn roiMiot > F.i > | Kin.TS. hlOM Ve-ll" , 1 > 1AINH ANl > I. < > HiHl'HO.Ml''l I.V O III I , K I Ill'l-rit AUBOI.IITK tIKIII'AIM Y , M ) PI I-'A 51 < llJIi.H > ltK I IIIIIEUT MI.IHOA'I lllVl Mlril\ > _ JtOU.Nll.AIIOUT MtAMLIlLH , I'llOMl'l lit. | AllhOl.Ul Ii I Thcsu O UICK , PAINLESS and GEIITA romedloa am now the Btnmhnl adopted treatment la EVERY HOSPITAL IN FRAMCE Every physician and patient whn 1ms used them rpoak'l in thu IiUhvbt terms of them nml recommends thuin tel ANLY VIGOR others na the greatest kuonn Jlcstorattvct o/ | 3\F / . ItTtTEP 3 > fI3TiT nrnl will flml In this cn-al < li coery of 1'ror. Jrtu Crvut a , tS fHim * an ' i'f . . n r v fjrcMpst ppecl/ilht. a CKltTAIN ML'Alf.l of ( iAl MEM ABOyT TO MARRY I'AltMkr KUXVAl , HEALTH A.SU VKlUlt , Twenty Yeart Extentlve Trial his only served to Fix and Widen Iha great reputation ol Prof. Clvlalo'i Method. Arciu'7 , we ( tiGulldcemouriKlrMiiioru than cullty were we to uturavord or < nilortomrnt , * c. This theory pi nctUuof medicine. ai unelniUxl tr Prof. Cituuc , linn iMlronUiro onn tf rrthlna knnwn for tlilirlui ol dlu-nwn , and Inlt nuinj a m-rrelo i > outh itnil Impotent man will nnd Imilth anil horn ntu. .V , V. Trttntni Kt\irmtr , July tt. hiualtlnu nt l-rof. Ji-uii tltlulfxm nu * u folluwm "At n verr ( arlrnee.wlillanpup linpuytrcn.ot tb * Jlcltl Uliulnlttrti. M attention u u'd to have lift-ncilM to Mi future iliwoTiry mi'lulUr ' many luirn ct i r rcranco he succt-edeit In j-rfrrtni ! and Intrmluclmrlt in ll.e neitlral rrc.frtiHon , Ac. f | Io vu thn toaol.crijl uteral tieneratloniof ntholrlntuu. Uxnmon mrnitwrof ilmilbDIVAL ACADEMY ana au ctlliot nt thu I-cflon of Honor. " Afplttm't Ettrmlijtdla. IV. u' , njn e unit 8. W cm only Bay that we rarouttfy hop * for Ilia " > V ot In wh Uxllul Bclrneeehit tli * nccew of ttww rcmrdluwlll he u k'n-at In America ai It h IHM-II In I'nuira- unuttt ilei Hop IIIUT , Junt , IStZ. W u rliltod N w York In | vr on and found thnt Iho clrlili * Remedial AKencjr clr.ni and nurRooni , wlu eu wl for IU 11 would IM dlBcult tu Ulid i O.CA iamt Complete ? Ir ltcnl Work FIIKK. Upon receipt of 4 cin. In eUmT w vrlllnenil to ny tdilmi , courrly ulvilt cap ? of our iplenillil 40 vas" treatise , glvliiK tire Nature , Cause * , I'ttliplouj aud Treatment of BpernmtoirUu-i. Impoteucy and Urluirr Uioeaaci , vrlth cuJorbcmeuti , Uatlmoulali , 4o. A.U Cout mil n lent ItiniiluvloUliljrCiiii fill Kiit I ul. ff Proa Consultation by Mall , or in porion , with full couialttng Hoard of Regular FhjrslcUnf . Alii agcnt3fortlia IIOM celulirattil JUattte KelfA < t- ntdiu/.uiil ( llnw-l'ltttnii Vnntlo Cotniircmor VARICOCELE { it the lluplJ , rAlN.l > H aud I'KKFI'.OT VVIiK > ' Address , OIVTALE BEBCEDIAL AGENCY , 178 Fulton Bt. , New