THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , JANUARY 29. PAGES ,
INCIDENTS OF THE ALTAR ,
Ail Etching Mrs. Dodge on Plighted
Troths.
A ROMANCE IN HIGH LIFE'
A Dime Museum Lorn Affair After
Jinny YOHI-H American GlrM After
Titles J.nplniHl and Ameri
can MnrrlnfjCH ,
A Hcnsonnlilc Klchlng.
j ; . .v. ( ii rucit.
A satin gown
All broldeml
With pearls , fair , pure and white ;
A mist of lace
About the fare ,
Clasped closu by diamonds bright ;
A dainty glove
That creeps above
The elbow's dimpled charm :
A snowy throat ;
Not far remote ,
A shoulder soft und warm ; .
Some lllllcs pressed
Up to her breast ;
A smile tuut hides a tear ;
A tiny foot
cat = 3 In glistening boot ;
A sea of laces near.
A well-bread crush ;
A solemn hush ;
A promise to obey ;
A golden band ,
A fluttering hand ;
A little wish 't was nay.
An organ's strain ,
A three-yard train ,
A fragrant , rose-strewn path ;
A fond caress.
Eyes that confess
The utmost trust one hath ;
A kiss , n smile
Kind words the while-
Fond friends who cheer her on ;
Some good advice ,
A shower of rice ,
We look and she is gone.
I'llslillnji TrolliM.
Mrs. Dodge gives in Harper's Ra/a.ar
gome kind and motherly advice on the
subject of engagements , which young
men and women may profit by. She
deprecates the haste and apparent non
chalance with which troths are seem
ingly often plighted and us readily
broken , and speaking from the bland-
point of a "good middle aged lady , " who
may perhaps bo looking on the little
drama , says :
In her eyes a contract js a contract ,
nnd her engagement of marriage would
bo binding according to her belief , sim
ply as a contract ; and although she
might find it absolutely necessary at
hint that It should bo broken , she would
reach that point only after long delay
and hesitancy and roluctancy , and never
ns she would tear oil a faded corsage
bouqttt and fling it to the gutter driving
home from the ball. For a girl to have
broken an engagement of marriage is'
in her eyes not at all a trifling thing ,
but something that causes the girl to be
looked at askance , either as a per
son of unstable mind and dis
loyal faith , or as ouo whoso
character had been found wanting by
her lever on her further acquaintance' .
In her day , when a young lady broke
her engagement , or had it broken for
her , nho went into retirement for a sea-
sou like u young widow , and aid not
bra/on it out us if she had done no more
than promise to go to a picnic and had
then thought bettor of it. There seems
to the quiet if critical onlooker a singu
lar profanity about the business , and she
fcols this the most in remarking the
careless way in which the engagement
is formed , as if .ouo rushed into the
holy of holies and , without removing
the shoes from one's fcut.
Bettor , an infinity of times , sh * con
fesses , are all the broken engagement's
in the world beforehand , than broken
marriage and divorce afterward. But
in her code of morals there should be
neither. The very idea of marriage
should bo approached with as much
reverence as an altar , and the observer
feels It possible that neither youth nor
maiden would advance so gaily
upon the sacred adytum hail
lie or she any idea of the
holiness of the shrine within. In some
countries , she remembers , the betrothal
is felt to bo nearly as binding , as formal ,
ceremonial and religious an act as the
marriage itself , us the marriage
which , in ono form of religious
belief at least , is regarded as
sacrament ; and in some parts of our
country she knows that the affair is so
modestly conducted that an engagement
Is never spoken of until preparations are
making for the wedding , although this
may bo going as much too fur on the
other sido. And while this is beyond
the censor's strictest idea , she would
yet have a little of the church-going
fooling about the maiden's heart in ac
cepting her lover , and she would have
the utlair taken t-o seriously that no
lever should be received as such just
for the convenience of the reason's
pleasure and attendance , just to lift the
reproach from vanity , or because So
und-So hud .u lover , but received only
when hu had como to btny , and where
ho was so worthy that the intention waste
to keep him.
Coulil Not lluvo Ills AVIfe.
Kansas City Correspondence St. Louis
Post-Dispatch : "Ho has never seen his
wife ! " This was the statement which
foil on the oars of the Post-Dispatch
correspondent as he was slowly walking
down West Sixth street. Two gentle
men wwo standing in a doorway , en
gaged in convoivntion , and it was the
remark of a. tall , well-fed , elderly gen
tleman which was heard ,
The idea certainly savored of the
queer , and the curious correspondent
stopped , determined to find out , if poa-
Mbto. the story of the man who never
baw his wife. The tale was drawn out ,
and a straugo ouo it proved to bo. A
gentleman who was not blind , who was
in full possession of all his faculties ,
and who had been married for over two
years , hiul never seen his wife.
Wo will call him Prank Green. Wore
liis roul nanio known many a friend and
many a business acquaintance would
start in surprise. Likewise wo will cull
the lady in the case Miss Uluck , for it
would bo decidedly unpleasant for her
high connections in this city , and ll
would alToril too much gossip at the
club , were her true name used. Miss
Ilortoiibo Black was once the idol ol
society hero , -for she wns beauti
ful , Intellectual and refined. She
moved in the highest circles , and nc
fashionable entertainment was cousid-
crod u success without her presence ,
Admirers she hud by tlie scoro.rich ami
poor , handsome ami homely , but none
did she favor. In July , 1885 , in company
with her parents , who seemed to taki
pleosjro In indulging her in ovcrj
caprice but who hud some wild notiom
of a high marriage for her , she won
north and stopped for two weeks in tin
pleasant city of St. Paul. On the his
day of her stay there while riding fron
one of the resorts In the city she lost hoi
portmanteau , which contained ncarli
9100 in mouoy and a half do/en cnblno
photographs of herself. The next morn
In" in the principal pa | > ers she olTorei
$10 reward for the return of the article
and before 0 o'clock It was scut up ti
her room with u hanOtome little note
„ J. . ' 1 , . . _
saying thnt Iho flndor did not cnro for
the $10 , hut begged to retain as his re
ward one of the picture * . She could
not well rofuie the request under the
circumstances nnd replied that he was
welcome to the reward ho asked.
That day the family left St. Paul and
In a few weeks returned homo to Kansas
City. Miss Hurtense had not boon
home a week when she received a letter
from the llndor of the portmanteau ,
containing a likeness of himself , and
such words as nro supposed to ho writ
ten or uttered only on long acquaint
ance. She would never have replied ,
ordinarily , hut nho gazed at the luuul-
some , intelligent face of the picture
and the letter un answered. Other
letters followed , and. strange us it may
seem , the girl who had refused her
lump to many an old friend and many a
wealthy ana highly connected one ,
promised Frank Green , whom she had
never f-oon and know nothing about ,
that who would marry him on the second
end Wednesday in October if he came
for her. After the letter had gone she
told her parents all , and begged their
forgiveness. They wcro highly indig
nant nt the course of their daughter ,
and Mr. Black declared that ho would
meet the gentleman from St. Paul at
the door upon his arrival and order
him from the house ; . True to his word ,
on the evening of the bccond Wednes
day in October ho and his wife waited
patiently for Mr. Green , while Miss
Hortenso was ordered to remain in her
room under penalty of provoking
the direst parental anger. Frank
Green of St. Paul came. Ho was young ,
attractive , well dressed and courtly in
manners. Ho carried papers which
spoke high rueoininoudation , nnd which
would have gained him ontVance to the
mostselect companies ; but stern old
Mr. Black mot his every advance with
a frown , and the young man
was ordered to quit the place and not
return
"Tho manner you have taken to win
'
my daughter sho'ws that you are no part
of a gentleman , sir , " exclaimed Mr.
Black In angry tones. ' 'If you wcro
what you should bo your very llrst visit
hero would not bo to take away the strn-
shine of the lioiiho. Marry my
thiughtor to-night ? I am astonished
at your impudence. Go ! she is not for
you ! "
But love knows more ways than quo.
The old servants loved their beautiful
young mistress , and they could not re
fuse her when she uskud fora note that
was handed in from the back door , al
though they shook their heads gravely.
They said nothing in regard to the note
to the master , but when , an hour litter ,
as the shades of night wore fallingMiss
Hortenso , heavily veiled , took a side
leer from the house and was ushered
nto u waiting carriage by a stranger ,
they felt it necessary to sneak , and Mi- ,
ind Mrs. IJlack wcro at once informed
> f the circumstance.
Oh , the sensation of that hour ! Mr.
31ack hurried out and saw the carriage
roiug at a lively gait down the street.
A hack was passing , and , entering it ,
10 gave a hurried order to overtake the
carriage ahead. But the task was not
so easily accomplished. The runaway
couple managed to elude the irate par
ent for a time , and.the latter never
overtook them until justice had pro-
lounccd the last word 'that made thorn
nan and wife. Miss ITorteuse still
were her heavy veil , and it was not re-
noved until after the trying scones
which followed. Her father , with a
wrathful curse , took her from her hus-
mnd , drove with her rapidly home and
confined her in her room. Never had
: he proud Black family conceived of
such a disgrace affair as this. Could
Ihoy c.ver hold up their heads again:1
F5y morning Mr. and Mrs. Black had
'ormcd plans for the future. They
would take their wayward daughter
ibroad at otico , and she should never
sco her husband again. Accordingly ,
they traveled the continent for two
long years , Frank Green in the mean
time remaining in Kansas City , un
paged in a most prosperous business , but
ever mourning for his lost wife the
wife ho had never scon. Ho know not
where'she was , only that she was not
in America. Ho was true to his mar
riage vows , and he never doubted that
the girl whoso picture had so captured
his heart was true Ui hers. Ho won
dered sometimes that she did not write
to him , and then ho thought of the
strict watch which doubtless was kept
iipon her every movement and prevent
ing even a line reaching him. The
time dragged slowly enough to the
voting husband. Were it not that ho
lost himself much in business those
lays would have boon an eternity to
liim. Yet ho never lost hope entirely
that some dujr she would return to him ,
and the happiness so long denied would
como in full measure.
And Hortoiiho Green , far away in a
[ orcign land , grow sorrowful and pnle.
Sho'hud loved , and her punishment
almost more than she could bear. Noth
ing cheered her , and day by day the
pallor deepened on her cheeks , and she
presented a striking contrast to her
fornfor self , when &ho was called "tho
suushino of the house. " At llrst she
tried to see her wrong and do as her
parents wished , forgot the man who had
been the cause of all the trouble. But
in vain ; they had been made one llosh ,
ouo blood , and so it seemed to hor.
She could not forgot him , and separ
ation fonly "mado the heart grow
fonder. " Then she chafed ut the course
of hur parents , and untreated them to
take her back to him. But they became
angry and commanded her never to
mention his name again. Time paocd
slowly indeed to all. They visitt'd the
moot popular resorts in the world and
viewed all the scenes and places of in-
teront , but the three were little amused ;
time found them much charged. At
last the hearts of the parents were
touched by the appearance of their
daughter , and her evident minsry. Mr.
IJlni'k found that his business iutcri' ts
in Kansas City required his personal
at to nt ion.and ho decided to return with
his family at once and to relent toward
the young husband , if he should bo sat-
isliorl that ho was respectable and tvallj
loved his daughter. It occurred to him
thnt if two yearn could not make the
two forget each other a longer time
cinld ( not , and , taking pity on poorllor-
tense , the old man resolved to try a
different coin-so and make the beat of it
ho could.
Two years to n day after they loft
Kansas City they came back and ouco
moro found themselves in their htiiid-
some old home. Mr. Black hunted \ \ \
his son-in-law , found him exemplar }
and all , and appointed a time for re
uniting the lovors. When the time
came there was rejoicing in the Black
household. Hoi-tense was palo , but hot
eyes wcro bright , and a look of joyfu
expectation was on her face. Thi
mother watched her furtively , am
spoke to her in the kindest tones , whicl
were reciprocated.- The father waa
nervous and talked little.
Frank Cretin came in. Mr. Blacl' '
shook his hands. Mrs. Black bowei
cordially. Then the young husbam
was formally presented to the younj
wife the wife he had never seen unli
that moment. "Mrs. Green , Mr
(110011 ( , * ' spoken in a choking voice b ;
the father. One instant they htoo (
reading each other's faces , and phi tin
look of unutterable relief and joy am
love that was exchanged. One instan
bowing in acknowledgment of the in
troduction , then their hands met , thei
hcuved with emotion and twc
words were breathed almost' , simulta
neously * .
"Frank ! "
"Hortensol"
Ho put ono arm around her nnd kissed
icr and she sobbed for a moment on his
houldcr.
This was the mooting.
To-day there is not a happier conplo
n Kansas City than young .Sir. and Mrs.
jreen. Theirs Indeed WUH a strange
eve affair. The parents , it is safe to
say , will never regret that they relented ,
or they nro now more than pleased with
heir handsome son-in-law.
Although but a few short weeks have
elapsed since the latter found his loug-
est bride , the young couple are already
settled in one of the richest houses on
the East Sido.
A Dime MtiHeitm Ilnmnnor.
Philadelphia North American : A
vedding will take place shortly which
iromifecs to bo a big alTalr. The pon-
lorotis "Jersey Lily , ' ' who is now on ox-
ilbltlon at the Ninth nnd Arch dime
museum , is to bo married to a young
carpenter who lives In Conshohocken.
.Recently the Lily got possession of the
ihotograph of a young man with blonde
iair and blue eyes. The face captivated
lor and she entreated Manager Bran-
lenburg to send for the original , which
10 did. It wns a case of love at first
sight. Since then the lovelorn car
penter has been a daily visitor at the
nusutim.
"So you are to bo married. ' * said a ro-
lortor to the fair bride yesterday.
"Yes , sir. I think the young man
ever so nice. Even though he's a car-
) onter. I saw ho was a level-headed
r'oung man. After we're married bo's
'oiug to build me n house. Won't that
jo n ice V"
The wedding will take place at the
jride's residence in Trenton.
AVuitcd T\vonly-ono Yearn.
Cheyeiino Loader : Ono of the pleas-
uitcbt men in the territorial council is
Jeoi-go W. Carleton , whoso home is in
Milliard , ami who roprediMits Uinla
county. Mr. Carleton is one of the few
nembors from out of town , in either
louse who is accompanied by his wife.
Both are well along toward middle life ,
jut they have only been married a few
nonths. Tnereby hangs u story.
Mr. Carleton is one of the very oldest
> ld timers. Ho first reached Uinta early
,11 the sixties and was a government
oOlcial and recognized gentile at a time
when it was a popular belief among the
Mormons that there wore no good gen
tiles 011 this side of the Stjx. He was
soon singled out as an uncompromising
'oe of the poly tram ists. It was drriug
his time that he first met and fell in
eve with Miss Snow , a daughter of
fudge Snow , a judge of the district
court. They worq engaged , liut things
soon got so exceedingly hot that Mr.
Uurleton , to-mnintniti his existence on
the face of the earth , found it very ad
visable to remove from Utah.
Ho linally drifted into Uinta county ,
ultimately became station agent at Ilil-
.ard and is now a contractor in getting
out railroad ties. Mr. Carletun , it ap
pears , met opposition to his suit from
jther than Mormon sources. So.&jj-untj'o
is it may appear , things remained in
stntuquoJor a period . of twenty-one
years , Miss Snow meantime-became her
father's clerk and was admitted to the
bar.
bar.Last
Last fall fate throw the old-time lovers
together again when their hopes bore
fruition in mnrriitKO. There is not now
in Wyoming u happier couple or a
couple more esteemed or respected by
their neighbors.
American Girls Marrying Titles ,
London World : Another American
girl is about to marry a title and rogild
i noble coat of arms. In the course of
the present season Miss \Viniiiirettn
Singer will exchange u plebeian appel
lation for that of the Duchcsse D eux.os.
Miss Singer is the daughter of the fa
mous sowing machine manufacturer ,
whose widow now hears the title of
Duehcs o do C'nmposolico. Thia title
Mrs. Singer bought from the pope by
way of a New Year's present for her
second husband , who began life an a
baritone. The Due do Camposolieo diotl
last sDt-ing in Paris , where ho was
highly esteemed as ameLr/inaniac. The
Camposelicos were simple , hospitable
people. There love of high-sounding
titles was harmless , unobtrusive foible.
Miss Singer is a painter of considerable
talent , whoso works have frequently
been remarked in salon exhibitions.
Another member of the English aristoc
racy is about to bring a bride from the
United States. Nice is the scene of the
engagement , the lovers being Mr. Horace
ace Wulpolo , nephew and neil * of Lord
Orford , and Miss Louisa Corbin of Now
York , niece of Mr. Austin Corbin. The
marriage , which is to take place in Lon
don , will be ouo of the fashionable
events of May. The Corbiu family win
ters ut Cannes. The lady is said to have
great expectations.
And So They Wcr > Mnrriod.
New York .Ton mill : John Mather , a
young New York artist , lias captured
the prize beauty of Killiiigworth'oiin. ,
and the $20,0M ( ) dowry that goes with it.
The couple olopcyl a few days ago. John
C'timmings. a wealthy Now Yorker ,
learned last spring that a young man
was courting his daughter , nurt while
ho didn't know the youth ho took a dis
like to him and decided to retire
to the rural shades of North Killing-
worth.
Last July Mather appeared on the
scene , sketch-book and easel in hand ,
and represented that ho wanted to
sketch the scenery. Ho secured board
nt Cummiiig's house. Summer drifted
into autumn , and the artist wanted to
stay in order to sketch the scenery in
nll'its autumnal grandeur , and by the
time bo liad got the grandeur down
fiuo on canvas ho wauled to see what
sort of artistic material the plncn
afforded in its. wiutor coat , so John stayed
on.
on.Early this week Mather and the
young lady , Miss Sadie Cummings , appeared
poared before the parson without the
old man's consent , and after they were
made ouo went back and told nil about
it. Like the typically aiihtoro parent in
the con volitional t-ociuly phiytne. father
relented , forgave the happy couple and
gav" his daughter her dowry of kJU , ( > lMJ ,
just : us ho had intended to do.
It transpires that Sndio had commun
icated horwheroabputsto young Mather
us soon as she arrived hint spring , and
the artist's visit was part of an ar
ranged plan.
t null American Mnrrluc | < i.
It takes sixteen days for a Laplander
to marry the girl of his choice. How
the hruie and groom of our land would
suffer were they compelled to stand be
fore the minister tixtoon days and re
peatedly assure that woi-thy person that
they would bo true to each other ! The
few moments that ono is obliged to
stand up in front of a large congrega
tion at such a time seems like an age.
The man's knees will grow weak und
wabblo in spite of all he can do , wliilo
the dear girl at his side feels as weak as
a kitten ( the writer has had the sensa
tion described by competent authori
ties ) . Sixteen long days of this would
drive the most hardy person crazy , and
oven if the loving couple did escape
with bound intellect their nerves would
ho so shattered that life would ho a bur
den. However , there is ono thing cer
'
tain. The knot is tied just as tight in'u
few moments us it would be if it took
sixteen1 days , nnd it is chonper. If n
mnn paid n minister for sixteen days' .
work nt the rate ho usually pays for
those few blessed minutes ho would not
have enough to go to keeping house on ,
to say nothing : of his wedding tour.
Just Married.
They hnd been married three weeks
and had just gone to housekeeping. Ho
wns starting to town one inornlng and
she follovred him to the door. Thev
had their arms wrapped around each
other , and she wns saying :
"Oh , Clarence , do you think it pos
sible that the day can ever como wncn
wo shall part in luigorV"
"Why , no , little puss , " ho said. "Of
course not ; what put that foolish idea
into my little birdie's head , ehV
'Oh. nothing , dearest. I was only
thinking how perfectly dreadful it would
be if ono of us should speak harshlv to
the other. ' ' H
"Well , don't think of such wicked ,
utterly impossible things any more , "
ho said. "Wo can never , never quar
rel. "
"I know it , darling. Good-bye , you
dear old precious , good-bye , and oh ,
wait u second , Clarence : I've written a
note to mamma ; can't you run round to
the house and leave it for her some
time to-day. "
"Why , yes , dearie ; if I have time. "
"If you1 have time ! Oh , Clarence. "
"What is it. little girlie " '
"
"Oh , to say if you" 'have time' to do
almost the very tlrst errand your little
wife asks ydu to do. "
"Well , well , dearie ; I'm awfully busy
just now. "
"Too busy to please mo ? Oh , Clarence ,
you hurt my feelings so. "
" child I "
"Why , ,
"I'm not a child , Clarence ; I'm a mar
ried womanand I "
"There , there , my pet. I "
"No , no , Clarence , If I was your p-pct
you'd t-t-ry to-to "
"But .Mabel , do bo reasonable. "
"Go on , Clarence , go on ; break inv
heart. "
* "Stuff and nonsense ! "
"Oh , o-o-oht"
"What have I said or donoV"
"As if you mJod to ask ! But go. Hate
mo if you will. Clarence. I "
"This is rank nonsense ! "
"I'll ' go back to mamma , if you want
mo to. She loved me , if you don't. "
' Vou must bo cra/.y ! "
"Oh , yes , sneer at mo , ridicule me.
Perhaps you had hotter strike mo ! ' '
He b.tngs the door , goes down the
stops with a jump and faces oft , mutter
ing something about women being the
"queerest creatures. "
Of COUIMO , they'll make up 111 night ,
and they'll have such a little till in the
years to come ; and when they are old
they'll say : "We've lived together
forty-five years , and never no. never
spoken a cross word to each other in
all that time. "
rKPPEHMINT DUOJ'S.
Don't praise the phy.iicl.iu bafore the bil
conies in.
The railroads are bginuti ! the year with
a bad wreokonl.
-A man is known a p-cat deal now.id.iys by
his real estate deeds.
The older wo. row tlio more wo sco how
little * otlior people know.
It is an easy thing to ba a philosopher , but
it i.s hurd to nmke it pay.
It requires homo nerve to have the courage
of another man's convictions
Nothing so vividly reminds us of the brev
ity of life as a thirty-day note.
The ] > cii is a minhty eiiRtne , nnd it some
times i-uns uwny with the engineer.
Some ] > coplo ( ; o to Florida to 'spend the
winter mid all they can make in summer.
The ice crop in the upper part of the state ,
it is thought , lias been touched by the frast.
If low associations corrupt need innrnKnur
thermometer has got to elevate itsclf or
"Kit. "
There is moro difference between cheap
talk and frea 3j aaeh than some people seem
to suppose ? .
A new industry Is making whisky from old
IMKS. As'whUlry makes fags , ihis i-j a sort of
reciprocity.
The reason why sons pfiplc never prow
old is because tiifiy do all their growing when
they uve young.
When u lire in the kitchen steve goes out
it of ten leaves , undone these things which it
should have done.
Wo don't sec what hope Dakota has of set
ting into the union uftor starting that last
bluunrdoiiiits way.
Solomon , when ho gave his famom Judg
ment , wns the , fiMt man who ever proposed
to split the difference.
It is as dangerous to Interfere between a
philanthropist and his philanthropy as bj-
tween a dog and its bone.
The man who fails to advertise in dull times
is on n par with the fellow who refuses to eat
iMJL'uuso his stomach is empty.
A Rreat many inventions are being made to
kill people easily , but what is worse wanted
is someting that will enable us all to llvo
easily.
We are informed that Russia will not take
the initiative , it is certainly reassuring to
know that there is something that Hussia
does not want.
"Too much absorbed in his lmsinoss"was
the comment of a newspaper on the death of
a brewer who was founu drowned in a tank
of tils own beer.
Pome people are passionately fond of
doughnuts. Othaivi never eat unypirtof the
doughnut except the hole. These people sel
dom have dyspepsia.
It h said thnt Jay Gould enjoyed the novel
sensation of n short balloon trip in Paris.
He's got the earth , and ho probably went up
to take a look at the sky.
"Do not laugh at the antics of your cat , "
said Michel do Montaigne , the great philo-
sohic essayist ; "formight you can loll , ho
may bo laughing at you. "
It ii a singular fact that whoa two young
men meet they address each other , "Howaro
you , old man ! " and that when two old fel
lows meet they say , " .My boy. "
"You e.-Mi live within your income if you
try , " says the wise man. Yes , but how to
live without an income is the pu&tlo that
bothers a great many good men just now.
Some people are so sanguine In this world
that they think they can plant a handful of
seed in a snowdrift and gather a carload of
strawberries the dny nfter ho llrst thaw.
Discretion is detlnod as that part of valor
which enables ono to keep a safe distance be
tween oneself and trouble * . Policemen mani
fest its possession in u most unusual degree.
A snortsmnn is a man who spends all day
away from his business for shot ntul pow
der und comes homo at night tired , hungry
ntul ugly , dragging a 11 cent rabbit by the
ears.
It is about an oven thing between man nnd
the ornngo peel , Sometimes the man throws
the orange peel into the gutter , and some
times the orange peel throws the man into
the gutter.
The withdrawal of William Andrew Jack
son Sparks and Lucius Quintus Cim-lnnatus
I amar , we're inclined-to believe must le.ivo
the interior department almost without uu
Iplmbot.
"How is that feud between Colonel Blood
and Major Hluegrass getting on I Are they
as bitter us eve > - ( " "Oh , no ; the whole thing
is happily ended , " "I'm glad to hear that. "
"Yes , they killed each other. "
The newest entertainment In fashionable
society in "Washington is a "solreo hypno-
tlcmo. " The host nnd the guests all mesmerIze -
Izo one another and then Imagine that they
ere having" tl-Jo best time on record.
There ava sljrowd , careful nii-u In this coun
try who are bound to crowd the weak to the
wall. One of them bought Horace G reeley's
autogruph.ut a sale the other day. and within
half an hour uulldo/ed a Chinese laundryman
into delivering six shirts and a dozen collars
for it.
Undue exposure to cold winds , rain ,
bright light'or malaria , may bring on
intluinmutinn and soreness of * ll3 eyes.
Dr. J. MoLoim' ( strengthening Eye
Salvo , ' .via subdue the iutlammation ,
cool and soothe the nerves , and
strengthen weak und failing Eye Sight.
25 ceuU u box.
IN THE FUNNY MAN'S DOMAIN.
Another Oaso of Didn't Know-
Very Encouraging.
RIP VAN WINKLE'S DRINK.
Cupid In the KiUln Homo Why Ho
Sat Down Always I'ropnrctl
A Standing Army Leap
year I'oetry.
Another Cnso of " Didn't Know. "
With jaunty stop ho walked along
Ami proud and tnnnly bearing ;
tic seemed , while mingling with the throng ,
Just out to take an Hiring.
The snow slide enmo as suddenly
A * comes a clap of thunder ,
And Just at the moment ho
Alonu was passing under.
'Twas with a llerce , a savage air
lie rose and thus exploded :
' I knew , by Jlngs , the roof wns there ,
But didn't know 'twas loaded 1"
Very
"Doctor , do you think 1 shall re
cover:1" : "I don't ' think anything about
it ; I know it. " Anil pulling a paper
out of his pocket ho hands it to the pa-
Liunt. "Iluro arc the statistic.- * relative
to your rase. You see that one out of
every one hundred is cured. " "Well ? "
asks the sick man , nearly frightened to
death at the announcement. "WollI
you're the hundredth I've treated ; the
other ninety-nine I lost. "
Cupid in tnn ItcHtnuraiit.
She Is pretty and a witty
Dimple tumbles In her chin ;
She Is th-klo and 'twould tlcklo
You to watch her handle tin ;
She is prosy , but the rosy
Color in her downy cheeks ,
And her fruity , winsome beauty ,
Hather stuns mo when she speaks.
She Is fetching and n catching
Winner aids her praceful way ,
With a neat air , whoa I cat there.
She will PUSH the time of day ;
And I order on the border
Of a bankrupt at her back ,
Funi'.v dishes , for she wishes
To Increase my luncheon cheek.
Will she titter , or will bitter
Grief bo silenced with n tear ,
When I've carried hints I'm married
To her fragile pinky ear )
Ah , 1 fear mo she will hear mo
With startled , lightened look ,
And with smiling ways beguiling
Go to work to catch the eoolc I
He Sat Down.
The curtain had pone down on the
first act , when a htillet-headcd man ,
who had comu in ton minutes late and
disturbed a doznn people to got to
chair in the center of the row , pot up.
It wai time for beer. Ho had been in
there twenty-two minutes by the watch ,
and was suffering untold agonies for a
glass of lager. He started to put on his
overcoat , when the strange lady at his
side inquired :
"Going outV"
"Yes'm. "
"Coming back after you got a drink ? "
" ' "
.
"Y-yes'm.
"Well. I came prepared. I have two
bottles one with whisky and the other
with beer. Which will you take ? " '
W-w-what ! " ho stammered as ho
looked down upon her with bulging
eyes , and gradually his arms fell , his
overcoat sank down on the railing in
front of him , and ho dropped into his
seat with a thud that jarred everybody
in the row. _
AlwnyH I'rppai'ed.
"Did you ever have a lady hand you a
lead quarter ? " was asked of a ear eon-
dti"tor yesterday.
"J have. "
' dressed ladies ? "
Nicely , high-toned
"Jusi , c.o. There were several on this
line wlio used to hand mo lead quar
ters. ' '
"And you didn't feel like saying any
thing to them ? "
"There was no need. I always had
four lend nioklea ready to return for
change ? "
_ rt
A Prize Fur the Answer.
When lovely woman stoops to folly
And buys a remnant strip of braid ,
What charms can soothe her melancholy
On learning she can't match the shade *
Kip Van Winkle's Drink Discovered.
He hung to the lamp post with one
hand while lie finally succeeded in get
ting a letter into the box with the other.
lie had just braced up for a walk away
when an olllcor came along and wished
him "a Happy Now Year. "
"Shame to you , " was the reply.
"Sheems funny don't 'er ? "
"What ? "
"Why.his New Year. Ole 1987 ish
gone f'rever. "
"You mean 1887. "
"Whaz ? Whuz zhat ? la 'or 18S7 ? "
"Of course. "
"Zhou I am lost ! Just mailed letter
to iny girl. Dated it 1937. Told her
I'll bo up to-morrow. "
"Hut she'll reason that you mistook
the year. "
"No , 'or won't no , sir ! She'll rea
son /hut I was drunk , and /hut ends me !
Shav ! "
"Well ? "
"Funny , isn't 'or ? Only three glasses
of beer , and got ahead a hundred yearn !
I'd been ! 'f I
Wonder where got atone
blind ? " _
Ijpnp Year Poetry.
ll'iti/ilHf'tim / Critic.
Wo do not hesitate to st8 ,
That ISsS
Is something very choice and grS ,
For ladies who dcsiro to maS.
And when they meet their proper fS ,
You bet wo don't exaggerS.
AVhon boldly wu nssoverS
That not a woman will bo 13
In gobbling up the tempting b3.
llo Wan.
Detroit Free Press : Ho was n , belated
citizen going home. As he turned into
High street from Beauhien , a pedes
trian suddenly confronted him and
said :
"Mister , if you will plea e be s-o kind
as to to tell me what time it is I'd
. "
bo -
"Just striking one1' ! was the reply ,
as the belated bliot out with his right
and knocked the fellow into the gutter.
The victim crawled out after a period
of inactivity , gathered a big ball of
snow for his nose to bleed on , and mut
tered to him-elf :
"Wasn't I in luck that it wasn't just
striking 'leven or twelve ! "
"A Standing Army. "
"What is the standing army of the
United States ? " asked the teacher. ; 'It
are the men , " replied the smart boy
who came in last term , "who hang on
to the straps in the htreot curs ! " And
the principal bat up that night until
the moon went down trying to decide
whether ho should mark that boy /oro ,
minus , and lick him , or ten plus , and
give him a toy pistol.
He Had Caught HIT Idea Anyhow
Washington Critic : An up-town
Presbyterian Sunday school teacher lias
a way of expressing approximation by
using the adverb principally , as * 'prin-
cipally this" or "principally that , " and
she has an imitative scholar , the FOII of
a congressman. Lust Sunday she had
the boy in the corner.
"Do ydu always toll I'm truth ,
Tommy ? "
"Always , HUBS , " ho responded
promptly.
"Alhvays , Tommy ? " she. inquired
doubtingty.
' Well , principally always , " ho re
plied , and she let him go.
We Are Just Now Clearing Out Our.
MID WINTER STOCK OF
ERWEAR !
And in order that there will be no mistake about
it we have made a
HORIZONTAL REDUCTION
all 'round. Prices have found a level and the
man who sells goods cheaper than we do for
the next thirty day , will have to sell below cost.
Men's fine all wool , regular made ,
shirts and di'.iwors , both white nnd
scarlet , W. G. Mcdlicott & Go's , best
goods , at fcJ.'i' ; each , educed from sKl.
Mons scarlet all wool , regular made ,
shirts and drawers , nt $2 each , reduced
from $12.75.
Men's scarlet all wool shirt1 } and drawers
ors , at 75o , $1 and Sl. 3 ; reduced from
$ ! , $ ! . l nmH1.60.
Men's imported Shetland wool shirts
and drawers nt $ - ; reduced from Sl'.GO.
Men's lamb's wool shirts and drawers ,
at $1.60 each ; reduced from $ - .
Men's striped earners hair shirts and
drawers , at $1.7o each ; reduced from
$ U.50.
U.50.Men's
Men's fancy striped wool shirts and
drawers at ; $1.2-5 and S1.50 ; reduced
from $1.75 and $2.
One lot of men's night shirts in plain
white and fancy trimmed , at OOc each.
They would be cheap at 75.
Thosoaro bargains worthy of atten
tion for the reductions are all genuine.
Ladies' oxta fine white all wool vests
and pants , reduced from $ : * to $1.50 each
Ladles' best quality camel's hair vest1 }
and pants , both plain and striped , re
duced from $2 to $1.50.
Ladtes'seurlotull wool vests and pants ,
at Too , $1 , $ l.'J.r ) and $1.50 each ; reduced
from $1 , $1.25 , $1.60 nnd $1.75.
Ladies'
TOBOGGANS
nt 50e , 75c and 81 each ; reduced from
75c , $1 and $1.50.
Also children's heavy
UNDERWEAR ,
At Prices that will Pay to Buy
and Hold Till Next Season
DNOSDAL OPPORTUNITY
For buyers to make a great saving. The stock is
rapidly decreasing , so call without delay or
send in your orders by mail.
We Prepay Charges on Mail Orders.
5
1319 Farnam Street , Omaha.
ARCHITECTS :
New Paxton Building.
16TH AND FARNAM STS.
EL & YOIG ,
12.1 . and 1213 Farnam Street
Carpets , Stoves ,
WEEKLY AND MONTHLY PAY
MENTS ,
"
HIMEBAUGH & TAYLOR ,
ICE TOOLS , Wire Rope ,
Plows , Buffalo Scales ,
Markers Hooks , , Scale Repair Shop.
, '
Grapples Slide Iron. OMAHA.
DEWEY & STONE ,
FURNITURE.
A magnificent display af everything useful and '
ornamental in the furniture maker's art , . ' . ' '
at reasonable prices.