Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, December 25, 1887, Page 11, Image 11
THE OMAHA DAIL1 BifiK : StBaDAX. DECEMBER 25 , , 1857.-TWELTE PAGEa J * OFF ON OVERCOATS. 1311 FARNAM STREET. HONEY FOK THE LADIES. Mrs. N. P. Willis will winter in Washing ton. ton.A woman never lies she simply forgets facts. Che oldiir the maiden the sweeter her talk to the cat. Some of the now bearskin muffs are of enormous size. Black lynx is a good fur to trim a long seal garment with. Eccentric simplicity is now the cue of Pari- inu milliners. Maud asks : "How can I get white hands ! " Make bread , Maud. Silver fox is n beautiful but very delicate fur. It is always costly. The long seal sacque , 43 or + 9 inches in length , never goes out of fashion , Men are too much Inclined to accept a pretty woman at her face value. Many of the best dressed women In New York have discarded the bustle. The girl with the ring in her voice who will tdwnys chime in when anything Is tolled. Boston Girl Isn't It delightful to sit in the gloaming and pick out faces in the fire place ! Cross fox furs are very becoming , the brown bars or crossings on the yellow have u fine effect. Chicago Girl We never sit in the gloaming ing when we do that ; our fire-place is in the back parlor. Judge. For mourning Jewelry black onyx , black enamel and English cra | > o stone follow the fashions of gayer gems. Women are too dearest , cutest creatures in the world , but they can't tell how a shoo fits till they see the number. In tiowor pins , a single blossom upon a big leaf enamelled in the natural color , is the most attractive now fancy. It is a solemn hour with a rose-lipped so ciety bud when she begins to wonder vaguely how a mustache feels on the face. Insurance Agent How many time have you been married , ma'ml Widow Hold on , I'll look in my hair album and see. Machine-stitching , if properly done , is the most effective mode of finishing usimplu cloth dress deslgded for utility purposes. As a makewright , bonnets of good lace duchesse or rose point , the very ocmo of quiet elegance were never In higher favor. A lady In Saline county , Missouri , cuuic within 1C votes of l > ealing the most | K > pular limn In the nmty for the ofllce of register of deeds. f Fashion now requires the lady to exchange rings with her fiauco , mid the correct one for the ptiriwse is of heavy gold ; with a biuglo etoue set flush. A novelty in evening dresses will bo spot ted colored tulle drajied over silk of the same color. This willmaKC very pretty dinner and evening costumes. The rrazy quilt crate has had n variation In Connecticutwhere u woman has embroidered the notes and words of "Home , Sweet Home , " on a linen sheet. Among the fashionable furs of the present tiger skins appears. It is well to remember that the color of this .fur is not generally bo- cwutng to tbo complexion. , Two bright Now Jersey young woman , dis- ratiKfled with the money they made teaching , invested ( GO in poultry. The first year their profits wexe 11,000 , the second , $3,000. The former rcsldcntsof Ohio , now living In Topelm , Kas. , have organizcx ! a society and dopted for n motto. "The sun of Ohio never khonc on the face of an ugly woman. " According to the HOD. William I. Bowditch one-tenth of all the taxes In Massachusetts nre paid by the women. In Itockforxl , 111. , the women pay two-thirds of the taxes. Mrs. Henry Fawoett , widow of the blind iwstroastcr general of England , talks of lecturing in America. She was u devoted wife and is a most accomplished woman. "How Is It you have so many young men call on jouJ" asked a Jealous girl. "Be cause , " was the reply , "father has the goat in ono foot and the rheumatism in the other. " Purses of silver net work , through which the coin shows , have o circular opening at thu ton , closed by cither an engraved coin or n riehUy chased medal with the owner's mon ogram. Frances WilUrd Is in favor of worrying . legislatures luiUl they .make f onerous ap propriations for girls' industrial fecboals. Frances must catch her legislator when he is young and impressionable. All shades of yellow from the beautiful creamy primrose and corn colors.and grading from orange to the most pronounced copper dye , are noted in fabrics for full dress wear and for expensive millinery. It seems to be a pretty well understood fact thst average American women of to-day , at least in cities , are much heavier and better built than tlioso of u generation or two ago. So much for athletic sports. It is reported that Lady Habbcrtsou will shortly bring herself and her dress-reform notions to this country. Her plan is to at tack the corset.next the bustle , und finally to introduce he bifurcated skirt. Rosa is to be ono of the fashionable colors in elegant evening dress this winter. There art ) new exquisite tints of this color , ranging from palest blush rose and cameo to the decided - cided rose shades , that are becoming to both fair and dark women. It is proposed to abolish dishwashing The idea is to make pai > cr dishes BO cheap that ono can afford to throw them away after each meal. They con be made us pretty .as chi na , us strong us desired and will bo noiseless and not liable to break. For ladies whoso features are best en hanced by larger setting a revival is imminent of the coal scuttle , or poke , of our grand mothers , made in soft silk beaver ; but nt present they are so unusual as to be only suit able for carriage wear. A ixjlonaiso or waist and draperies of black cloth is again fashionably worn over a colored skirt , preferably tan , green , terra cotta , light chamois or pearl gray , and as ma terial silk or velvet has the call , though con trasting wool is sometimes seen. Sealskin turbans , with brims of Persian lambskin , and seal riding hoods , English walking Tiats , toques , and jockey cajw , with fur visurs shading the eyes , are among the comfortable and expensive winter head-cov erings for women , young and old. A new novel is culled "A Lady's Four Wishes. " An old bachelor says he hasn't road the book , but ho knows what her wishes are : "First , a new bonnet ; second , n new bonnet ; third , a new bonnet ; third , a new bonnet ; fourth , n PCW bonnet. " For trimming there arc ribbons in immense variety silk , velvet , plush , gauze and many with bcven shades of ono color. They are four U ) seven inches wide , and the crowns ares\\athcd ruthcrlthan truiiuied with them , unless u loosely-tied scurf is the style chosen. A woman who through some nervous af fection had lost the use of her legs for years , was suddenly restored completely by n fright caused by a drunken fellow who threatened to kiss hen She escaped by rununing and has never had a recurrence of the weakness. The callous philosopher who has never ex perienced the Joy a man feels when ho tries to kiss a girl in the dark , und gets stabbed In the eye with her nose , has no bushiest to ex press an opinion about kissing. Are our mouths merely holes for pies ! Wo think not. "Mamma1 said a young lady , just home from school , and gazing upon Alexander Har rison's ' -Opera Sea , " "is this an oil painting painting or n water color ! " ' "Sh , " answered her mother , with u look of surprise and cha grin. "It's a water color. Don't you see the water ! " Among the now devices to waist bvckles are srme very handsome ones in oxydizod metal , fashioned after the pattern of old Nor wegian silver clasps , and.bearing a marked resemblance to the sterling metal. Thcsu clasps wear remarkably well , nod there are brooches and bangles to correspond. "Vou say , Mr. Smith , " said the girl in a low , thoughtful , this-is-a-mrious-maUcr sort of tone , "that j ou have loved ine for llvo years and have uevor dared to tell mo so until to-nightf" "Yes , " ho replied. "Well , 1 cannot bo your wife , A man who has no more courage than that wou'd ' feign to bo asleep while a burglar stole his slippers. " Watered silk are again the rage. I.ate In the summer they were-out of style , and cases of more silks and satins were everywhere thrown upon the bargain counters marked at "ruinous prices. " Fo sooner were these "job lots" fairlr diiposcd of than the tide turned io their favor again , and incoming steamers am now bringing to our shores large invoices of high novelties In wuccred effects. The huge felt hats , effective and pictur esque as many of them are , ure chiefly wcrn by Americans and foreigners , but a pretty woman who likes to look as Utougn she were "sitting for her portrait" may feel that con- Sptcial Bargains roit Tire HOLIDAYS IN EVKRY DEPARTMENT. Sealskin and Fur-Lined GARMENTS. We Guarantee all our First class in every respect. Fur Muffs , Boas and Collars , ItngllishjSeal Plush Garments. LONDON MADK NEWMAIIKETK , ItAGliANS AND JACKETS. TAILOK MADK SUITS , Tf [ i Gowns , Wrappers , Matinees , NOVELTIES IN JERSEYS , Merino , Muslin and Cambric UNDERWEAR , AOVKLT1KS IN Black and Colored Dress Goods , . I1LACK ANT ) COL.OKKD SILKS , MOIRES , Etc. Mourning Goods a Specially ! HEYMAN & DEIGHES , ' 1518-1520 Farnam Street , OMAHA. NKH ore.EVEMNOS. . summation best attained by douulng the large felt hat of the Rembrandt order , with its brim turned up on one side , its nodding ostrich illumes and large bows of wide moire ribbon. The so-failed Alaska sable now so popular for coats , pelerines , boas , and for dressuml cloak garnitures Is iu reality the handsome martin of other days under a new title. The fur , in it present state is perfectly deodor ized and is a very popular fur for garnishing , the stylish and stately Kussian Ihng coats of red , tcrra-cotta and dard green German broadcloth. Thu "grandmother' ' gown just brought out for misses * and very young ladies haw u straight full skirt shirred three times at the top , and sewed with a headline on to a loud pointed waist that fastens behind and comes high at the throat where it is finished l > \ a turned over collar of white pleated gauze. Tight sleeve * end juat below the elbow , and have the same gauze pleating * , making a whole singularly quaint and charming. Short watered silk or crepo-lisse plastrons tire as frequently seen on new costumes as the long poiralar vests. These have velvet bretelles beyond , faced with the watered silk. The high collar matches the plastron , aue there is a second turn-down collar to match the rcvers. Very frequently there Is added a Swiss girdle , ] > ointcd front and back , and edged with a single row of simill beads. At the left side is fastened a kerchief pouch made of vclvctvwith a dnintyapruy of flowers in the center , embroidered m silk and beads. The new "Cliina" silks of American manu facture are soft , glossy , very pliable , and of fine finish. They arc sold in various shades of fashionable colon new sold , pale golden terra eotta. apple , moi- > , and absinthe green , several distinct shades of red , bright , and deep orange , golden bronze , etc. These silks arc shown in plain and figure * ! patterns , and are in special request for tea gowns , brides maids1 dresses , and for full dross evening wear , combined with revet or colored silk laces and nets. " Pretty drai > cries are made apart from bodices , on to which they are adapted at pleasure. They are generally made of soft silk , such as foulard , or surah , or of c.ilk crape. A now [ c.itteni is of coral pink surah , ilro | > eit near the loft shoulder and gathered at the MiiiM line. The high collar is fastened on the left side with a bow of coral-pink rib bon , A fringe of loons of very narrow rib bon of the saimi color is put oh all down the right side. It is fashionable to wear facings to match m > on the sleeves. This color looks well upon dresses of almost any shade of gray , brown , green , purple or dark red for the daytime ; andean also bo worn over a light-i-olorcd toilet for the evening. In crentey white it will look best over a blue or pink dress. NOVKL .TOYS. Among new mechanical toys of American inako is a "Buffalo Hunt , " with Buffalo Bill on horseback shooting at two monster bulls. A'Prcnch cook drinking champagne out of a bottle and currying a white kitten in a saucepan comes among the fine mechanical Trench toy * . The kitten raises the lid of the saucepan to peep out every time the cook raUcs the bottle to his mouth. One of the prettiest juggler's tricks for a Christmas , party it an Inexhaustible box from which tbo i > erformer draws ut pleasure n class of water or wine , toys , flowers , bans bons. Ho can at any time prove to the com pany that the box is empty by laying it down on the side for them to look into it , but ho continues to draw forth his treasures of Santa Glaus1 wares as soon as it is set up again. Among the mechanical cat toys are : "Puss in Boots , " drowsed as the Marquis of Cara- has , and ringing thn bell of tlie mill tower , the miller throwing open his window at the sound ; a "Cat Concert , " under the light of n cigar-smoking moon ; a white Kittio hiding in a big black boot and peeping at intervals over the top of it ; a full cat orchestra , with Kittle * of various sizes , ages , and colors , playing on both wind and stringed instru ments , and a big drum : "a queer couple , " and a big brindled Italian cat , with calm green eyes , winking at the antics of an acrobat while turning IU head from side to sldu , all to music. So the little fellow told his story very ear nestly , becoming positively dramatic when he rpuched the climax and said , "And the ngel of the Lord said onto Lot's wife , skate for your life and don't you look back , but * ue did look back and turned a somer sault. " 1 > 2 C t. I > ESTABLISHED 1856. To Our Host of Friends & Customers , Old & New With Complimentsl of the Season. ON E PRICE CLOTHIERS COR.FARNAM& We wish you all a right royal , merry Christmas and a happy joyful New Year. May the cordial relations existing be tween us and the confidence we have won by our honest square and time tried-dealing , be continued for many years to come. On our part , the business we established thirty-two years ago , with its principles , rules and methods will continue the even tenor of its way. We will invariably prove every word we advertise. Our guarantee alone is always sufficient to satisfy the once doubtful , that we sell the best clothing to be had in town , and at less money than inferior qualities are held by others , We offer the most startling values and sensational price8 from now until the New Year , in MEN' , BOYS' AND CHILDREN'S OVERCOATS. Prince Albert suits , at $20 ; can't be duplicated elsewhere less than $30. Silk mufflers from 75c up to $7.50. Silk suspen ders and fancy neckties. Read Our Guarantee. We guarantee every garment in our immense clothing establishment to be of better work L I manship ; finer material , better fitting and lower in price than may be had in town for anywhere - i n i where near the same amount We will return the money for any purchase which can be \n \ , duplicated for the same price elsewhere. p i' . M. HELLMAN & Co. , Cor.Farnam & 13th-sts The oldest clothing house in Omaha. The most liberal in advancement , and lowest in price. . Equal courtesy and equal terms to all. Price marked in plain figures. I } t. T % KKMOIOUH. The finest church edifice in Albany , Ga , . is the one now being bnilt by the negro Metho dist Episcopal church there. The total amount expended last year by tbo New West commission in their schools among the Mormons wan W11S. : The Russian church , which lias been in proress of const ruction during the last ten years on the Mount of Olives , is mm-finished. ' Archdeacon Farrar has written the New Year's tract for the Scottish Tempearucu league , taking for his title "The Curse of Drink. " The lK > ys in one of the Troy ( N. V. ) socie ties Imvu organized a Loyal Temperance Itasruc. , and made it a branch of the Christian Endeavor society. The American college mid education society ex | > emled last year * 27,371 in nssisting young men preparing for the ministry in six insti tutions in the newer states. The Interior ( Presbyterian ) admits that there is much truth in Canon Taylor's article on "Islam iu Africa" nu l that the negro tribes are fast embracing Mohammedanism. The largest Swedish Lutheran church in America is the one Just completed at Minne- aiwlis. It will accommodate 5,00 ! ( j > ersoiis. Evangelist Moody has been asked to preach ut its opening. The late Hcv. J. H. AVilbur , D. D. , in his will devised f 10,000 to the missionary society of Uic Methodist Episcopal church , 10,0 > J to the church extension society und $10,000 to the Frcedman'b Aid eociety. Thursday was donation day at the Phila delphia homo for iiged aud infirm colored persons. A colored clergyman , who is 11" years of age , opened the ceremonies on that day with prayer. His name is John Gibson , and he was born in Virginia in February , 1771. 1771.A A gift of real estate valued nt * 40,000. has been made by ex-Mayor Thomas B. Peddle , of Newark , X. J. , to the First Baptist church for the site of a new church , which Mr. Pod- die offers to erect at his own expense at a cost of * 7Ti,000. This is the largest religious donation in the history of Newark. The orthodox Jewish conerregntions of Xew York have selected Habbi Jacob Joseph , alias Jacob Chariff , oFWilna , Kussla , as thfir chief rubbi , giving him the title of ' 'chiof rabbi of Now York , " although the majority of congregations have never even heard that the election of a chief rabbi was contem plated. The funeral of the late llov. John J Hlor- dan , pastor of the Koinun Catholic mission at Castle Garden , Xew York , took place last week , in St. Patrick's cathedral. There was an immense attendance , representing almost all classes of society , Archbishop Corrigan celebrated the ivimium mass , A delegation of00 clergyncn were present. A jubiieo fund has been raised for a build ing in London to bo used by the Noncon formists as tlicir headquarters. The arch bishop of Canterbury aud others have pre sented a i > etitiott to the queen asking for a charter under the name "Tho Corporation of the Church House , " and the petition will come before a committee of council January 10 , ISbS. i IMPIETIES. Mr. Crobar ii a powerful lever in a Saginaw - naw , Mich. , church society , where the Her. Mr. Broada * hews a branch from the tree of evil every Sunday. A man has sent J25 conscience money to a church. It ls.supi > osed ho always slept dur ing the sonuniuand was at last awakened to the fact that/he ought to payforhis lodgings. Deacon Jones ( to country minister ) Some of the members of the congregation , Mr. Goodman , complain thcl you do , not speak lo id enough. Country Minister I speak as loud as T can afford to Dcncou at 1500 a year. TJev Henry B. Townsend , pastor of the Presbyterian church in Phillipsburg. N. J , , has resigned because members of his con gregation got up a fair where guessing at the number of beans in a bottle was one of the means of gathering In dimes. .Mr. Berry , of England , to Plymouth church warden. Brooklyn : "It pains me deeply , gentlemen , And I am sorry , very , To tell you that I must decline To bo your huckle-Bcrry. " "Who walked on the water to ineet the Master ! " asked a Sunday school teacher. "Peter , " shouted the class in chorus. "What hastened to Peter ! " "He ank in the water. " "Very welt How did be get out of the water ! " "Petered out ! " sang out the red-headed boy ut the foot of the class. A worther minister gave notice of a prayer meeting that was to be held immediately after , and unconsciously added : "There is no objection to the female brethren remain ing. " This reminds us of n clergyman who told Jn his sermon one Sunday of a very af fecting scene where there wasn't a dry tear in the house. Pastor ( looking in collection basket ) "Dcy am seberal coins in dis yer basket Incber saw de dcnomiuushum bcfo' . Dcy am made oh bone about us big as a half dollar , some am colored white an' some am blue do most am white. usetode ch'ch ' Asdey urn no , dc.v'll be returned to de owner if he comes for ward. " ( Nobody stirs. ) A certain rabbi who prides himself more upon his jteriods than his piety , went to a well known barber and said , \vith a twinkle of the eye : "Now , I want you to cut my huir ns short as you would my sermon. " On ris ing from his chair and ruefully surveying his bald aud shining head he was constrained to observe that the barber -wanted no sermon at all. Clergyman to barber My friend , what church do you attend } Barber I don't go to any. Clergyman ( shocked ) Don't you know that by absenting yourself from the sanctu ary you are imperilling the future welfare of your infrnort , ! . ! soul ! Barber I don't know about that ; but I do know that a man of my conversational capabilities hasn't a ghost of achauco to give 'em a show in church. Next ! SINGULARITIES. An eight ounce baby was born at Wake- field , Mass. , a abort time ago. A kind of ant in Honduras will prey upon houses , aud when once started will soon eat one down. Three lengths of track went out of sight in the big sink hole on the Lowell & Hastings railroad recently. George Brill , of York , Pa. , was trying to teach his dog to catch articles that were thrown to him. He threw a silver dollar and the dog caught and swallowed it. A farmer of Saline county , Illinois , lost n calf u long time ago , and recently , in drain ing a piece of fawump hind ou his farm , ho discovered the animal's body lying under water and completely iwtriflcd. At Calera , Ala. , n citizen saw a hawk swoop down on a snake and attempted to fly away with it. As the hawk mounted upward the fciiakc coiled itself around the bird and crushed one of its wings. The hawk and snake together fell to the ground and the Culera man killed them. Among the uncertain crops the ] > otato crop stands prominent. So thinks Minot Steven son of East Kent , Conn , , who planted two half-acre lots with ) K > tatoes. From one he dug 150 bushels ; not one decayed. From the other , which was near by and which had the same care , his crop was riftcen bushels. While the queen's hounds recently , were chasing a deer in England , tlu animal took to n railroad track and presimtly rounded a curve right in the fuec of an express going forty-five miles an hour. The deer sxverved in tune to save its lifebut the hounds follow ing close behind ran square into the locomo tive ana several of them were cut to pieces. Henry Benson , of Hnyden Hill , Cal. , has a petrified salmon , which he found oa u hill side 1,500 feet higlu The fleshy part re sembles crystallized und variegaUxl quartz , retaining in part the yellowish color of the salmon , and what was the skin of the tish is now a sort of jwrcebiin or white Hint. It is supiwsed to be a relic of some ancient river. Justice Jaunasch , of Kalamazoo , has a par rot that ho wouldn't sell for its weight in silver. On five different occasions has tins intelligent bird saved the house from being burglarized. The last time was on a recent night. The burglar got the door unfastened , but when he opened it the parrot asked , in a stern and harsh voice : "Hello , there 1 What's the matter ! " The burglar didn't answer , but fell over lilmsclf In his desperate hurry to get away from there. There is a curious well of water at the Kelly place , near Tyler Goskiu's , in Willlauis- burg county , South Carolina. The well is about twenty feet deep , and Uie water on one side of U Is all the time bubling up like water when It is boiling. On , the opposite si Jo of the well the water is in a constant stale of agitation , sizzing und popping as though it was confined In a hot vessel. The nebo can be heard some distance from the well. The water is cold und fine ( or uao. Tim pheno menon ha& been going on fdr some time. CONNUIUAMTIES. It is again reported that Senator Saulsbury will shortly marry a Amthern girl. The marriage fees of some New York clergymen are said to amount to more than their salaries. By and by undoubtedly marriage licenses and divorces will bo sold in single jierforated sheets , and young men can buy round trip tickets to matrimony at reduced rates. She "Before we were married you prom ised to fulfil every wish you read in my eyes , but I don't flnd it so at all. " He "Yes , since that time I have grown very near sighted. " Friends of Mrs. Logan intimate that if that lady does not marry within another twelve months it won't be the fault of a rich Wash ington widower. Meanwhile , however , she says nay. Mr. aud Mr * . Joseph llamsdcll of Warren , Mass. , have just wlebrukvl the sixteenth anniversary of tlicir married life. Mr. Koms- dell is eighty-seven years of age , while Mrs. ICnmsdcll is eighty. To render marriage ceremonies more im pressive the audience now remains standing until the minister concludes. What i needed very much in these days of divorces is some thing to make the marriage remain standing after th cuiinistcr concludes. A dispatch from Paris states that Maurice Bernhardt is to bo marrjcd to the Princess Virginia Clotido Jablonowski , gi cat-grand- daughter of Lucien Bonapart. Maurice Bemhardt is the sqn of the actress , and the bride is a cousin to the claimants of the iiu- l > erial throne of Fraucc. Brown , who lias married the eldest of seven daughters , tried to quarrel with his mother-in-law the other evening. "Brown , " said she , "I am not going to rum my reputa tion by quarreling with you. Wait till my other girls are married. At present usu mother-in-law , I am only an amateur. " At the wedding of Governor Alger's daughter in Detroit , Wednesday evening , the young iieople wcrn married at the l > edsidu of Mrs. Aiger , who was too ill to leave her room , mid when they went down to the parlors they were husband und wife. 'The guests hud n good time , but they mis cd the marriage. Brown You're a lucky dog , Robinson. So you married a girl worth half a million dollars lars in her own right. Hobinson ( rather more sadly than the circumstances would seem to warrant ) Yes. Brown You ought to put up the drinks. Hobinson All right , old mail. Just wait while- run into the house and sue if 1 can get u dollar. A Gotham girl engaged an artist to paint her a portrait of the young man she was to marry. Before the painting was delivered the young man died. Did she keep it as u memento of her lost love ! Not a bit of it. She drove a bargain with the artist to alter the features so as to make it u portrait of an other sweetheart whom she Is determined to marry. Says the New York Graphic : "Aproposof Mr * . W. 1C. Vanderbilt it is said that she und her husband have settled 7,000 a year on the former's sister. Miss Minnie Smith , who is now engaged for the th time , und who this time bus announced Turin as the wxiie of her coming nuptial * , although nobody seems able to siwak with authority on the name of the latest lucky man. " When first engaged She used to write On monogram paper Of creamy white. But since we're married It's rather hard She says all she needs On a postal-card. Ex-Govcroor lloberti , of Texas , aged sev enty-two , was married Friday ut Ncwbraum- f els , Tex. , to Mis. Kate Bordcna , of Tiler. Mr. Hobcrts was governor of Texas from 1878 to Ibj2. ! He was called "The Old Alcade" bu- caubc of bis granger proclivities. While gov ernor ho nttractcd attention by refusing to follow the example of President Hayes in is- bulng thanksgiving proclamation. He is now a law professor in the University of Texas. A Mtddletown , Pa. , letter of December 12 RU"A wedding that came off in Port .lor- vis , this county , one day last week bus ex cited something of a sensation among the friends of the contracting parties. The groom was Henry C. I'ord , pirsiucnt of the stata fisherlcH commissiou of Pennsylvania , and the bride was MUs Kusaunah Van Gordon , aged eighteen , of the fcoinlct of Egypt Mills , in thu same state und ] ust across the Del- I aware river from Port Jervis. Mr. Ford is i I gentleman approaching throe score years and has four groxvn children. An amorous Polo rejoicing in the nameo Vimiisliof Kofmofsky married a Warsaw girl in his 27th year. When tbo honeymoon was up he took his young wife's | torsonnl savings and departed for Galicia , where ho moved about to a number of cities within two years and married three girl * , serving each of them successively as ho had done the first , until the police got on his scent and he had to skip. He went to Prussia , where he was married for the fifth time. Soon after ho went bock to Poland and married No. 6 at Miava. That girl being rich , he was able to take his traveling excuses from her on a larger scale , and skipjicd to Warsaw. Hav ing obtained work at a factory ho succeeded in finding favor with the blooming daughter of the factory janitor , and was just going to make her his wife No. 7 , when No. 6 made her appearance and saved the girl. Sao did not , however , succeed in stopping the career of this new Don Giovanni , ivho had hardly seen that his game at Warsaw was up when he again skipped and went to parts unknown. BIUGHT LITTLE PEOPLE. One of the teachers recently nuked m pupil what Ibs stood for. "Elbows , I guess , " was the unexpected reply. A bright little lady whoso confidence is en joyed by the editor discovered the day after Thanksgiving that "cranberry sauce has seven different kinds of bad tastes. " Little Tommy Mu , wouldn't it be nice if you had the toothache , 'stead of Bridgctl Mrs , Blucblood Why , mi' son ? Tommy Cause you could take your teeth out ; she can't. Itobbio Mamma , doesn't it make yonr hands warm to spank me ! Mamma why , yes , Itobbio it does. Zobbio Wouldn't it do just as well then , mamma , to go und hold 'en over the register ! A little chap Uptown who calls himself Doc tor Sol , says wiser things than ono would ex pect from a throe year old. "When will baby talk , " ho said to his mother the other day. "When she gets hot teeth. " "All her tcoth ! " "All. " "Well , I don't believe it , " said the little fellow after reflection , "Grand father lias only ono tooth and he talks you to death. " Master Freddy thinks himself by no means the least imi > ortant member of the boune- bolu- Ono evening , after he and bis sister had gone to bed in the nursery , a violent thunder shower came up. The children's mother , thinking they might bo frightened by the stormwent , upstairs to reassure them. Pausing Just outside the nursery door , she heard Fred say to his sister , who was crying. "Don't oo bo 'fraid , baby mo an Dod'b hero. " Little Noble M is six years old , hand- sonic , healthy and restless. He climbs upon n chair and manipulates the telephone as well as any one. The other day his mamma called up her husband for a short talk , after which she handed the "phono'1 to Noble , who sang out "Hello ! " "What's that } " came on Mr. M , who was surprised by the reply. "An Awful Bad Boy ! " "Why , what have you been up to , Noble ! " "Oh urn well ; I teased Edgar : " his younger brother. "Why did you do that ! " "God made ine so ; I couldn't help it ! " A little miss recently attended religious service , where she heard the gospel byara , "Scatter Seeds of Kindness " , ono part of which runs as follows : Strange that Hummer skies and suuubitie Never seem one."half so falr As when winter's snowy pinions Shake the whits dovru in the air. On returning homo she told her mother such a funny piece had been sung at church : "My dear , what could that have beenl" to- quired tht < InUTestod jurent. "Why. mamma , they were all biugins 'shake the nightgown in the air. ' " A writer of humorous short stories was stopping ut a summer hotel where ho was nd- mired by two small boys who had read his talcs. A real llvo writer was evidently n curiosity to the youngsters. Finally , one of the boys plucked up courage to sjtcak to him. "A re you Mrwho writes stories for the ! " The writer acknowledged his identity with becoming modesty.und the boy , after u moment of reflection , continued his investigations : "How much do they pay you for one of those stories J" "From JO to $50 , " replied the writer , kindly , and the youngster seeuird buried In thought. Suddenly the question came llko u shot from a gun : "Woll , wouldn't they pay you more if your ttorl i were nqt so foolish ! "