THE OMAHA DAIL1 BifiK : StBaDAX. DECEMBER 25 , , 1857.-TWELTE PAGEa J *
OFF ON
OVERCOATS.
1311 FARNAM STREET.
HONEY FOK THE LADIES.
Mrs. N. P. Willis will winter in Washing
ton.
ton.A woman never lies she simply forgets
facts.
Che oldiir the maiden the sweeter her talk
to the cat.
Some of the now bearskin muffs are of
enormous size.
Black lynx is a good fur to trim a long seal
garment with.
Eccentric simplicity is now the cue of Pari-
inu milliners.
Maud asks : "How can I get white hands ! "
Make bread , Maud.
Silver fox is n beautiful but very delicate
fur. It is always costly.
The long seal sacque , 43 or + 9 inches in
length , never goes out of fashion ,
Men are too much Inclined to accept a
pretty woman at her face value.
Many of the best dressed women In New
York have discarded the bustle.
The girl with the ring in her voice who will
tdwnys chime in when anything Is tolled.
Boston Girl Isn't It delightful to sit in the
gloaming and pick out faces in the fire
place !
Cross fox furs are very becoming , the
brown bars or crossings on the yellow have u
fine effect.
Chicago Girl We never sit in the gloaming
ing when we do that ; our fire-place is in the
back parlor. Judge.
For mourning Jewelry black onyx , black
enamel and English cra | > o stone follow the
fashions of gayer gems.
Women are too dearest , cutest creatures in
the world , but they can't tell how a shoo fits
till they see the number.
In tiowor pins , a single blossom upon a big
leaf enamelled in the natural color , is the
most attractive now fancy.
It is a solemn hour with a rose-lipped so
ciety bud when she begins to wonder vaguely
how a mustache feels on the face.
Insurance Agent How many time have
you been married , ma'ml Widow Hold on ,
I'll look in my hair album and see.
Machine-stitching , if properly done , is the
most effective mode of finishing usimplu cloth
dress deslgded for utility purposes.
As a makewright , bonnets of good lace
duchesse or rose point , the very ocmo of
quiet elegance were never In higher favor.
A lady In Saline county , Missouri , cuuic
within 1C votes of l > ealing the most | K > pular
limn In the nmty for the ofllce of register of
deeds.
f Fashion now requires the lady to exchange
rings with her fiauco , mid the correct one for
the ptiriwse is of heavy gold ; with a biuglo
etoue set flush.
A novelty in evening dresses will bo spot
ted colored tulle drajied over silk of the same
color. This willmaKC very pretty dinner
and evening costumes.
The rrazy quilt crate has had n variation In
Connecticutwhere u woman has embroidered
the notes and words of "Home , Sweet
Home , " on a linen sheet.
Among the fashionable furs of the present
tiger skins appears. It is well to remember
that the color of this .fur is not generally bo-
cwutng to tbo complexion. ,
Two bright Now Jersey young woman , dis-
ratiKfled with the money they made teaching ,
invested ( GO in poultry. The first year their
profits wexe 11,000 , the second , $3,000.
The former rcsldcntsof Ohio , now living In
Topelm , Kas. , have organizcx ! a society and
dopted for n motto. "The sun of Ohio never
khonc on the face of an ugly woman. "
According to the HOD. William I. Bowditch
one-tenth of all the taxes In Massachusetts
nre paid by the women. In Itockforxl , 111. ,
the women pay two-thirds of the taxes.
Mrs. Henry Fawoett , widow of the blind
iwstroastcr general of England , talks of
lecturing in America. She was u devoted
wife and is a most accomplished woman.
"How Is It you have so many young men
call on jouJ" asked a Jealous girl. "Be
cause , " was the reply , "father has the goat
in ono foot and the rheumatism in the
other. "
Purses of silver net work , through which
the coin shows , have o circular opening at
thu ton , closed by cither an engraved coin or
n riehUy chased medal with the owner's mon
ogram.
Frances WilUrd Is in favor of worrying
. legislatures luiUl they .make f onerous ap
propriations for girls' industrial fecboals.
Frances must catch her legislator when he is
young and impressionable.
All shades of yellow from the beautiful
creamy primrose and corn colors.and grading
from orange to the most pronounced copper
dye , are noted in fabrics for full dress wear
and for expensive millinery.
It seems to be a pretty well understood fact
thst average American women of to-day , at
least in cities , are much heavier and better
built than tlioso of u generation or two ago.
So much for athletic sports.
It is reported that Lady Habbcrtsou will
shortly bring herself and her dress-reform
notions to this country. Her plan is to at
tack the corset.next the bustle , und finally to
introduce he bifurcated skirt.
Rosa is to be ono of the fashionable colors
in elegant evening dress this winter. There
art ) new exquisite tints of this color , ranging
from palest blush rose and cameo to the decided -
cided rose shades , that are becoming to both
fair and dark women.
It is proposed to abolish dishwashing
The idea is to make pai > cr dishes BO cheap
that ono can afford to throw them away after
each meal. They con be made us pretty .as chi
na , us strong us desired and will bo noiseless
and not liable to break.
For ladies whoso features are best en
hanced by larger setting a revival is imminent
of the coal scuttle , or poke , of our grand
mothers , made in soft silk beaver ; but nt
present they are so unusual as to be only suit
able for carriage wear.
A ixjlonaiso or waist and draperies of
black cloth is again fashionably worn over a
colored skirt , preferably tan , green , terra
cotta , light chamois or pearl gray , and as ma
terial silk or velvet has the call , though con
trasting wool is sometimes seen.
Sealskin turbans , with brims of Persian
lambskin , and seal riding hoods , English
walking Tiats , toques , and jockey cajw , with
fur visurs shading the eyes , are among the
comfortable and expensive winter head-cov
erings for women , young and old.
A new novel is culled "A Lady's Four
Wishes. " An old bachelor says he hasn't
road the book , but ho knows what her
wishes are : "First , a new bonnet ; second , n
new bonnet ; third , a new bonnet ; third , a
new bonnet ; fourth , n PCW bonnet. "
For trimming there arc ribbons in immense
variety silk , velvet , plush , gauze and many
with bcven shades of ono color. They are
four U ) seven inches wide , and the crowns
ares\\athcd ruthcrlthan truiiuied with them ,
unless u loosely-tied scurf is the style chosen.
A woman who through some nervous af
fection had lost the use of her legs for years ,
was suddenly restored completely by n fright
caused by a drunken fellow who threatened
to kiss hen She escaped by rununing and
has never had a recurrence of the weakness.
The callous philosopher who has never ex
perienced the Joy a man feels when ho tries
to kiss a girl in the dark , und gets stabbed In
the eye with her nose , has no bushiest to ex
press an opinion about kissing. Are our
mouths merely holes for pies ! Wo think
not.
"Mamma1 said a young lady , just home
from school , and gazing upon Alexander Har
rison's ' -Opera Sea , " "is this an oil painting
painting or n water color ! " ' "Sh , " answered
her mother , with u look of surprise and cha
grin. "It's a water color. Don't you see the
water ! "
Among the now devices to waist bvckles
are srme very handsome ones in oxydizod
metal , fashioned after the pattern of old Nor
wegian silver clasps , and.bearing a marked
resemblance to the sterling metal. Thcsu
clasps wear remarkably well , nod there are
brooches and bangles to correspond.
"Vou say , Mr. Smith , " said the girl in a
low , thoughtful , this-is-a-mrious-maUcr sort
of tone , "that j ou have loved ine for llvo
years and have uevor dared to tell mo so
until to-nightf" "Yes , " ho replied. "Well ,
1 cannot bo your wife , A man who has no
more courage than that wou'd ' feign to bo
asleep while a burglar stole his slippers. "
Watered silk are again the rage. I.ate In
the summer they were-out of style , and cases
of more silks and satins were everywhere
thrown upon the bargain counters marked at
"ruinous prices. " Fo sooner were these "job
lots" fairlr diiposcd of than the tide turned
io their favor again , and incoming steamers
am now bringing to our shores large invoices
of high novelties In wuccred effects.
The huge felt hats , effective and pictur
esque as many of them are , ure chiefly wcrn
by Americans and foreigners , but a pretty
woman who likes to look as Utougn she were
"sitting for her portrait" may feel that con-
Sptcial Bargains
roit Tire
HOLIDAYS
IN EVKRY DEPARTMENT.
Sealskin and
Fur-Lined
GARMENTS.
We Guarantee all our
First class in every respect.
Fur Muffs , Boas and Collars ,
ItngllishjSeal Plush Garments.
LONDON MADK NEWMAIIKETK ,
ItAGliANS AND JACKETS.
TAILOK MADK SUITS ,
Tf [ i Gowns , Wrappers , Matinees ,
NOVELTIES IN JERSEYS ,
Merino , Muslin and Cambric
UNDERWEAR ,
AOVKLT1KS IN
Black and Colored Dress Goods ,
.
I1LACK ANT ) COL.OKKD
SILKS , MOIRES , Etc.
Mourning Goods a Specially !
HEYMAN & DEIGHES ,
' 1518-1520 Farnam Street ,
OMAHA. NKH
ore.EVEMNOS. .
summation best attained by douulng the
large felt hat of the Rembrandt order , with
its brim turned up on one side , its nodding
ostrich illumes and large bows of wide moire
ribbon.
The so-failed Alaska sable now so popular
for coats , pelerines , boas , and for dressuml
cloak garnitures Is iu reality the handsome
martin of other days under a new title. The
fur , in it present state is perfectly deodor
ized and is a very popular fur for garnishing ,
the stylish and stately Kussian Ihng coats of
red , tcrra-cotta and dard green German
broadcloth.
Thu "grandmother' ' gown just brought out
for misses * and very young ladies haw u
straight full skirt shirred three times at the
top , and sewed with a headline on to a loud
pointed waist that fastens behind and comes
high at the throat where it is finished l > \ a
turned over collar of white pleated gauze.
Tight sleeve * end juat below the elbow , and
have the same gauze pleating * , making a
whole singularly quaint and charming.
Short watered silk or crepo-lisse plastrons
tire as frequently seen on new costumes as
the long poiralar vests. These have velvet
bretelles beyond , faced with the watered
silk. The high collar matches the plastron ,
aue there is a second turn-down collar to
match the rcvers. Very frequently there Is
added a Swiss girdle , ] > ointcd front and back ,
and edged with a single row of simill beads.
At the left side is fastened a kerchief pouch
made of vclvctvwith a dnintyapruy of flowers
in the center , embroidered m silk and beads.
The new "Cliina" silks of American manu
facture are soft , glossy , very pliable , and of
fine finish. They arc sold in various shades
of fashionable colon new sold , pale golden
terra eotta. apple , moi- > , and absinthe green ,
several distinct shades of red , bright , and
deep orange , golden bronze , etc. These silks
arc shown in plain and figure * ! patterns , and
are in special request for tea gowns , brides
maids1 dresses , and for full dross evening
wear , combined with revet or colored silk
laces and nets. "
Pretty drai > cries are made apart from
bodices , on to which they are adapted at
pleasure. They are generally made of soft
silk , such as foulard , or surah , or of c.ilk
crape. A now [ c.itteni is of coral pink surah ,
ilro | > eit near the loft shoulder and gathered at
the MiiiM line. The high collar is fastened
on the left side with a bow of coral-pink rib
bon , A fringe of loons of very narrow rib
bon of the saimi color is put oh all down the
right side. It is fashionable to wear facings
to match m > on the sleeves. This color looks
well upon dresses of almost any shade of
gray , brown , green , purple or dark red for
the daytime ; andean also bo worn over a
light-i-olorcd toilet for the evening. In
crentey white it will look best over a blue or
pink dress.
NOVKL .TOYS.
Among new mechanical toys of American
inako is a "Buffalo Hunt , " with Buffalo Bill
on horseback shooting at two monster
bulls.
A'Prcnch cook drinking champagne out of
a bottle and currying a white kitten in a
saucepan comes among the fine mechanical
Trench toy * . The kitten raises the lid of the
saucepan to peep out every time the cook
raUcs the bottle to his mouth.
One of the prettiest juggler's tricks for a
Christmas , party it an Inexhaustible box from
which tbo i > erformer draws ut pleasure n
class of water or wine , toys , flowers , bans
bons. Ho can at any time prove to the com
pany that the box is empty by laying it down
on the side for them to look into it , but ho
continues to draw forth his treasures of
Santa Glaus1 wares as soon as it is set up
again.
Among the mechanical cat toys are : "Puss
in Boots , " drowsed as the Marquis of Cara-
has , and ringing thn bell of tlie mill tower ,
the miller throwing open his window at the
sound ; a "Cat Concert , " under the light of
n cigar-smoking moon ; a white Kittio hiding
in a big black boot and peeping at intervals
over the top of it ; a full cat orchestra , with
Kittle * of various sizes , ages , and colors ,
playing on both wind and stringed instru
ments , and a big drum : "a queer couple , "
and a big brindled Italian cat , with calm
green eyes , winking at the antics of an
acrobat while turning IU head from side to
sldu , all to music.
So the little fellow told his story very ear
nestly , becoming positively dramatic when
he rpuched the climax and said , "And the
ngel of the Lord said onto Lot's wife , skate
for your life and don't you look back , but
* ue did look back and turned a somer
sault. "
1 > 2
C t.
I >
ESTABLISHED 1856.
To Our Host of Friends & Customers , Old & New
With
Complimentsl
of the
Season.
ON E PRICE CLOTHIERS COR.FARNAM&
We wish you all a right royal , merry Christmas and a happy
joyful New Year. May the cordial relations existing be
tween us and the confidence we have won by our honest
square and time tried-dealing , be continued for many years
to come.
On our part , the business we established thirty-two years
ago , with its principles , rules and methods will continue the
even tenor of its way. We will invariably prove every word
we advertise. Our guarantee alone is always sufficient to
satisfy the once doubtful , that we sell the best clothing to
be had in town , and at less money than inferior qualities are
held by others ,
We offer the most startling values and sensational price8
from now until the New Year , in
MEN' , BOYS' AND CHILDREN'S OVERCOATS.
Prince Albert suits , at $20 ; can't be duplicated elsewhere less
than $30. Silk mufflers from 75c up to $7.50. Silk suspen
ders and fancy neckties.
Read Our Guarantee.
We guarantee every garment in our immense clothing establishment to be of better work
L I manship ; finer material , better fitting and lower in price than may be had in town for anywhere -
i n i where near the same amount We will return the money for any purchase which can be
\n \ , duplicated for the same price elsewhere.
p
i' . M. HELLMAN & Co. , Cor.Farnam & 13th-sts
The oldest clothing house in Omaha. The most liberal in advancement , and lowest in price.
. Equal courtesy and equal terms to all. Price marked in plain figures. I
} t.
T %
KKMOIOUH.
The finest church edifice in Albany , Ga , . is
the one now being bnilt by the negro Metho
dist Episcopal church there.
The total amount expended last year by tbo
New West commission in their schools
among the Mormons wan W11S. :
The Russian church , which lias been in
proress of const ruction during the last ten
years on the Mount of Olives , is mm-finished. '
Archdeacon Farrar has written the New
Year's tract for the Scottish Tempearucu
league , taking for his title "The Curse of
Drink. "
The lK > ys in one of the Troy ( N. V. ) socie
ties Imvu organized a Loyal Temperance
Itasruc. , and made it a branch of the Christian
Endeavor society.
The American college mid education society
ex | > emled last year * 27,371 in nssisting young
men preparing for the ministry in six insti
tutions in the newer states.
The Interior ( Presbyterian ) admits that
there is much truth in Canon Taylor's article
on "Islam iu Africa" nu l that the negro
tribes are fast embracing Mohammedanism.
The largest Swedish Lutheran church in
America is the one Just completed at Minne-
aiwlis. It will accommodate 5,00 ! ( j > ersoiis.
Evangelist Moody has been asked to preach
ut its opening.
The late Hcv. J. H. AVilbur , D. D. , in his
will devised f 10,000 to the missionary society
of Uic Methodist Episcopal church , 10,0 > J to
the church extension society und $10,000 to
the Frcedman'b Aid eociety.
Thursday was donation day at the Phila
delphia homo for iiged aud infirm colored
persons. A colored clergyman , who is 11"
years of age , opened the ceremonies on that
day with prayer. His name is John Gibson ,
and he was born in Virginia in February ,
1771.
1771.A
A gift of real estate valued nt * 40,000. has
been made by ex-Mayor Thomas B. Peddle ,
of Newark , X. J. , to the First Baptist church
for the site of a new church , which Mr. Pod-
die offers to erect at his own expense at a
cost of * 7Ti,000. This is the largest religious
donation in the history of Newark.
The orthodox Jewish conerregntions of Xew
York have selected Habbi Jacob Joseph , alias
Jacob Chariff , oFWilna , Kussla , as thfir
chief rubbi , giving him the title of ' 'chiof
rabbi of Now York , " although the majority
of congregations have never even heard that
the election of a chief rabbi was contem
plated.
The funeral of the late llov. John J Hlor-
dan , pastor of the Koinun Catholic mission at
Castle Garden , Xew York , took place last
week , in St. Patrick's cathedral. There was
an immense attendance , representing almost
all classes of society , Archbishop Corrigan
celebrated the ivimium mass , A delegation
of00 clergyncn were present.
A jubiieo fund has been raised for a build
ing in London to bo used by the Noncon
formists as tlicir headquarters. The arch
bishop of Canterbury aud others have pre
sented a i > etitiott to the queen asking for a
charter under the name "Tho Corporation of
the Church House , " and the petition will
come before a committee of council January
10 , ISbS. i
IMPIETIES.
Mr. Crobar ii a powerful lever in a Saginaw -
naw , Mich. , church society , where the Her.
Mr. Broada * hews a branch from the tree of
evil every Sunday.
A man has sent J25 conscience money to a
church. It ls.supi > osed ho always slept dur
ing the sonuniuand was at last awakened to
the fact that/he ought to payforhis lodgings.
Deacon Jones ( to country minister ) Some
of the members of the congregation , Mr.
Goodman , complain thcl you do , not speak
lo id enough. Country Minister I speak as
loud as T can afford to Dcncou at 1500 a year.
TJev Henry B. Townsend , pastor of the
Presbyterian church in Phillipsburg. N. J , ,
has resigned because members of his con
gregation got up a fair where guessing at
the number of beans in a bottle was one of
the means of gathering In dimes.
.Mr. Berry , of England , to Plymouth church
warden. Brooklyn :
"It pains me deeply , gentlemen ,
And I am sorry , very ,
To tell you that I must decline
To bo your huckle-Bcrry. "
"Who walked on the water to ineet the
Master ! " asked a Sunday school teacher.
"Peter , " shouted the class in chorus. "What
hastened to Peter ! " "He ank in the
water. " "Very welt How did be get out of
the water ! " "Petered out ! " sang out the
red-headed boy ut the foot of the class.
A worther minister gave notice of a prayer
meeting that was to be held immediately
after , and unconsciously added : "There is
no objection to the female brethren remain
ing. " This reminds us of n clergyman who
told Jn his sermon one Sunday of a very af
fecting scene where there wasn't a dry tear
in the house.
Pastor ( looking in collection basket ) "Dcy
am seberal coins in dis yer basket Incber saw
de dcnomiuushum bcfo' . Dcy am made oh
bone about us big as a half dollar , some am
colored white an' some am blue do most am
white. usetode ch'ch '
Asdey urn no , dc.v'll
be returned to de owner if he comes for
ward. " ( Nobody stirs. )
A certain rabbi who prides himself more
upon his jteriods than his piety , went to a
well known barber and said , \vith a twinkle
of the eye : "Now , I want you to cut my huir
ns short as you would my sermon. " On ris
ing from his chair and ruefully surveying
his bald aud shining head he was constrained
to observe that the barber -wanted no sermon
at all.
Clergyman to barber My friend , what
church do you attend } Barber I don't go to
any. Clergyman ( shocked ) Don't you know
that by absenting yourself from the sanctu
ary you are imperilling the future welfare of
your infrnort , ! . ! soul ! Barber I don't know
about that ; but I do know that a man of my
conversational capabilities hasn't a ghost of
achauco to give 'em a show in church. Next !
SINGULARITIES.
An eight ounce baby was born at Wake-
field , Mass. , a abort time ago.
A kind of ant in Honduras will prey upon
houses , aud when once started will soon eat
one down.
Three lengths of track went out of sight in
the big sink hole on the Lowell & Hastings
railroad recently.
George Brill , of York , Pa. , was trying to
teach his dog to catch articles that were
thrown to him. He threw a silver dollar and
the dog caught and swallowed it.
A farmer of Saline county , Illinois , lost n
calf u long time ago , and recently , in drain
ing a piece of fawump hind ou his farm , ho
discovered the animal's body lying under
water and completely iwtriflcd.
At Calera , Ala. , n citizen saw a hawk
swoop down on a snake and attempted to fly
away with it. As the hawk mounted upward
the fciiakc coiled itself around the bird and
crushed one of its wings. The hawk and
snake together fell to the ground and the
Culera man killed them.
Among the uncertain crops the ] > otato crop
stands prominent. So thinks Minot Steven
son of East Kent , Conn , , who planted two
half-acre lots with ) K > tatoes. From one he
dug 150 bushels ; not one decayed. From the
other , which was near by and which had the
same care , his crop was riftcen bushels.
While the queen's hounds recently , were
chasing a deer in England , tlu animal took
to n railroad track and presimtly rounded a
curve right in the fuec of an express going
forty-five miles an hour. The deer sxverved
in tune to save its lifebut the hounds follow
ing close behind ran square into the locomo
tive ana several of them were cut to pieces.
Henry Benson , of Hnyden Hill , Cal. , has
a petrified salmon , which he found oa u hill
side 1,500 feet higlu The fleshy part re
sembles crystallized und variegaUxl quartz ,
retaining in part the yellowish color of the
salmon , and what was the skin of the tish is
now a sort of jwrcebiin or white Hint. It is
supiwsed to be a relic of some ancient river.
Justice Jaunasch , of Kalamazoo , has a par
rot that ho wouldn't sell for its weight in
silver. On five different occasions has tins
intelligent bird saved the house from being
burglarized. The last time was on a recent
night. The burglar got the door unfastened ,
but when he opened it the parrot asked , in a
stern and harsh voice : "Hello , there 1
What's the matter ! " The burglar didn't
answer , but fell over lilmsclf In his desperate
hurry to get away from there.
There is a curious well of water at the
Kelly place , near Tyler Goskiu's , in Willlauis-
burg county , South Carolina. The well is
about twenty feet deep , and Uie water on one
side of U Is all the time bubling up like water
when It is boiling. On , the opposite si Jo of
the well the water is in a constant stale of
agitation , sizzing und popping as though it
was confined In a hot vessel. The nebo can
be heard some distance from the well. The
water is cold und fine ( or uao. Tim pheno
menon ha& been going on fdr some time.
CONNUIUAMTIES.
It is again reported that Senator Saulsbury
will shortly marry a Amthern girl.
The marriage fees of some New York
clergymen are said to amount to more than
their salaries.
By and by undoubtedly marriage licenses
and divorces will bo sold in single jierforated
sheets , and young men can buy round trip
tickets to matrimony at reduced rates.
She "Before we were married you prom
ised to fulfil every wish you read in my eyes ,
but I don't flnd it so at all. " He "Yes , since
that time I have grown very near sighted. "
Friends of Mrs. Logan intimate that if that
lady does not marry within another twelve
months it won't be the fault of a rich Wash
ington widower. Meanwhile , however , she
says nay.
Mr. aud Mr * . Joseph llamsdcll of Warren ,
Mass. , have just wlebrukvl the sixteenth
anniversary of tlicir married life. Mr. Koms-
dell is eighty-seven years of age , while Mrs.
ICnmsdcll is eighty.
To render marriage ceremonies more im
pressive the audience now remains standing
until the minister concludes. What i needed
very much in these days of divorces is some
thing to make the marriage remain standing
after th cuiinistcr concludes.
A dispatch from Paris states that Maurice
Bernhardt is to bo marrjcd to the Princess
Virginia Clotido Jablonowski , gi cat-grand-
daughter of Lucien Bonapart. Maurice
Bemhardt is the sqn of the actress , and the
bride is a cousin to the claimants of the iiu-
l > erial throne of Fraucc.
Brown , who lias married the eldest of
seven daughters , tried to quarrel with his
mother-in-law the other evening. "Brown , "
said she , "I am not going to rum my reputa
tion by quarreling with you. Wait till my
other girls are married. At present usu
mother-in-law , I am only an amateur. "
At the wedding of Governor Alger's
daughter in Detroit , Wednesday evening , the
young iieople wcrn married at the l > edsidu of
Mrs. Aiger , who was too ill to leave her room ,
mid when they went down to the parlors
they were husband und wife. 'The guests hud
n good time , but they mis cd the marriage.
Brown You're a lucky dog , Robinson. So
you married a girl worth half a million dollars
lars in her own right. Hobinson ( rather more
sadly than the circumstances would seem to
warrant ) Yes. Brown You ought to put
up the drinks. Hobinson All right , old mail.
Just wait while- run into the house and sue
if 1 can get u dollar.
A Gotham girl engaged an artist to paint
her a portrait of the young man she was to
marry. Before the painting was delivered
the young man died. Did she keep it as u
memento of her lost love ! Not a bit of it.
She drove a bargain with the artist to alter
the features so as to make it u portrait of an
other sweetheart whom she Is determined to
marry.
Says the New York Graphic : "Aproposof
Mr * . W. 1C. Vanderbilt it is said that she und
her husband have settled 7,000 a year on the
former's sister. Miss Minnie Smith , who is
now engaged for the th time , und who this
time bus announced Turin as the wxiie of
her coming nuptial * , although nobody seems
able to siwak with authority on the name of
the latest lucky man. "
When first engaged
She used to write
On monogram paper
Of creamy white.
But since we're married
It's rather hard
She says all she needs
On a postal-card.
Ex-Govcroor lloberti , of Texas , aged sev
enty-two , was married Friday ut Ncwbraum-
f els , Tex. , to Mis. Kate Bordcna , of Tiler.
Mr. Hobcrts was governor of Texas from 1878
to Ibj2. ! He was called "The Old Alcade" bu-
caubc of bis granger proclivities. While gov
ernor ho nttractcd attention by refusing to
follow the example of President Hayes in is-
bulng thanksgiving proclamation. He is
now a law professor in the University of
Texas.
A Mtddletown , Pa. , letter of December 12
RU"A wedding that came off in Port .lor-
vis , this county , one day last week bus ex
cited something of a sensation among the
friends of the contracting parties. The groom
was Henry C. I'ord , pirsiucnt of the stata
fisherlcH commissiou of Pennsylvania , and
the bride was MUs Kusaunah Van Gordon ,
aged eighteen , of the fcoinlct of Egypt Mills ,
in thu same state und ] ust across the Del-
I aware river from Port Jervis. Mr. Ford is i I
gentleman approaching throe score years and
has four groxvn children.
An amorous Polo rejoicing in the nameo
Vimiisliof Kofmofsky married a Warsaw
girl in his 27th year. When tbo honeymoon
was up he took his young wife's | torsonnl
savings and departed for Galicia , where ho
moved about to a number of cities within two
years and married three girl * , serving each
of them successively as ho had done the first ,
until the police got on his scent and he had to
skip. He went to Prussia , where he was
married for the fifth time. Soon after ho
went bock to Poland and married No. 6 at
Miava. That girl being rich , he was able to
take his traveling excuses from her on a
larger scale , and skipjicd to Warsaw. Hav
ing obtained work at a factory ho succeeded
in finding favor with the blooming daughter
of the factory janitor , and was just going to
make her his wife No. 7 , when No. 6 made
her appearance and saved the girl. Sao did
not , however , succeed in stopping the career
of this new Don Giovanni , ivho had hardly
seen that his game at Warsaw was up when
he again skipped and went to parts unknown.
BIUGHT LITTLE PEOPLE.
One of the teachers recently nuked m pupil
what Ibs stood for. "Elbows , I guess , " was
the unexpected reply.
A bright little lady whoso confidence is en
joyed by the editor discovered the day after
Thanksgiving that "cranberry sauce has
seven different kinds of bad tastes. "
Little Tommy Mu , wouldn't it be nice if
you had the toothache , 'stead of Bridgctl
Mrs , Blucblood Why , mi' son ? Tommy
Cause you could take your teeth out ; she
can't.
Itobbio Mamma , doesn't it make yonr
hands warm to spank me ! Mamma why ,
yes , Itobbio it does. Zobbio Wouldn't it do
just as well then , mamma , to go und hold 'en
over the register !
A little chap Uptown who calls himself Doc
tor Sol , says wiser things than ono would ex
pect from a throe year old. "When will baby
talk , " ho said to his mother the other day.
"When she gets hot teeth. " "All her
tcoth ! " "All. " "Well , I don't believe it , "
said the little fellow after reflection , "Grand
father lias only ono tooth and he talks you to
death. "
Master Freddy thinks himself by no means
the least imi > ortant member of the boune-
bolu- Ono evening , after he and bis sister
had gone to bed in the nursery , a violent
thunder shower came up. The children's
mother , thinking they might bo frightened
by the stormwent , upstairs to reassure them.
Pausing Just outside the nursery door , she
heard Fred say to his sister , who was crying.
"Don't oo bo 'fraid , baby mo an Dod'b hero. "
Little Noble M is six years old , hand-
sonic , healthy and restless. He climbs upon
n chair and manipulates the telephone as well
as any one. The other day his mamma called
up her husband for a short talk , after which
she handed the "phono'1 to Noble , who sang
out "Hello ! " "What's that } " came on Mr.
M , who was surprised by the reply. "An
Awful Bad Boy ! " "Why , what have you
been up to , Noble ! " "Oh urn well ; I
teased Edgar : " his younger brother. "Why
did you do that ! " "God made ine so ; I
couldn't help it ! "
A little miss recently attended religious
service , where she heard the gospel byara ,
"Scatter Seeds of Kindness "
, ono part of
which runs as follows :
Strange that Hummer skies and suuubitie
Never seem one."half so falr
As when winter's snowy pinions
Shake the whits dovru in the air.
On returning homo she told her mother
such a funny piece had been sung at church :
"My dear , what could that have beenl" to-
quired tht < InUTestod jurent. "Why. mamma ,
they were all biugins 'shake the nightgown
in the air. ' "
A writer of humorous short stories was
stopping ut a summer hotel where ho was nd-
mired by two small boys who had read his
talcs. A real llvo writer was evidently n
curiosity to the youngsters. Finally , one of
the boys plucked up courage to sjtcak to him.
"A re you Mrwho writes stories for
the ! " The writer acknowledged his
identity with becoming modesty.und the boy ,
after u moment of reflection , continued his
investigations : "How much do they pay you
for one of those stories J" "From JO to $50 , "
replied the writer , kindly , and the youngster
seeuird buried In thought. Suddenly the
question came llko u shot from a gun : "Woll ,
wouldn't they pay you more if your ttorl i
were nqt so foolish ! "
