fifi
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY OCTOBER 2. 1887.-TWELVE PAGES. I
SOME MATRIMONIAL STORIES
A Scene at a Wcddlug A.Learned
Wife.
, ROMANCE AT CASTLE GARDEN.
ho ItrlfJo Hacked Otii A Very 1'c-
cullar Mar ring ? A llrhlc'it Pres
ent A IMiitnlijIit Siarrlage
( iornnui Weddings1.
A IjRiunrdVI / > .
Blie l.'imws every modern ism , and , as fiom a
hiininn prison , each tlu'osoihv | nnd
philosophy is lolk'cted tJoiii her mind ;
Knows the standing , scope niu < status of tlio
Iler.cons , Knnts and 1'latos : Iu philol
ogy and psychology shu wndiM In and
goes It blind.
{ Sin. ! will talk jon to paralysis wllh her
"chumlcalanalyslK,1 * with "trichotomy"
and iililubotomy" on her victim she w ill
tiounco ;
She will kill jou If jou'ie klllnhle , with her
.louiid'ni : thlitcuti sylnblu , ancient ,
alien , sesquipedalian words no fellow-
cm ) pronounce.
Hut her husband , helpless sinner , eats his
bread and water dinnerluckless lellnw
In the cellar , thro' his lone dyspeptic
For his lo'vely wife bevvilchlni ; piles the
tables In the kitchen with the lexicons
( il old Mexicans and with ey-clo du
dl-ns.
And without a curse or .stammer thro' largo
piles of Sanscrit grammar with aulllty
mid ability picks his way 'round like a
oat.
And the big hole In his "trovvsis" no svvuet
wifely aid arouses , with complacency
nnd patience ho conceals It with his
hat.
A Bconn at n Wedding.
New York Times : A merry wedding
party assembled Sunday evening in
Vienna hall , at 1'ifty-eitrhtli street and
Lexington avenue , to eolebrato the nup
tials of Miss Irene Uookcl , the youngest
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Louis lleckel ,
of < U'.l Ie\ington avenue , and Hermann
Sohoyera well known Montreal coinmls-
Mon 'merchant. The marriage ceremony
liad just boon performed by the Uev. Dr.
Kooli'er ' , of the Uoth-Kl synagogue , in
Lexington avenue- , the newly married
ronplo had received the congratulations
of the assembled relatives and friends ,
nnd tlie music had just snick up for the
iiolonaise , which was to bo led by the
Itndo and groom , when sounds of a
disturbaiieo and loud exclamations in a
wonvin's voice were heard from the ves
tibule.
Sovotal gentlemen hurried out and
found n handsome little dark-eyed Jew-
i > s3 on tlie point of falling in a faint. The
lirst to reach her .side recoiled upon see
ing tlio silver mountings of a revolver
Hashing from the folds of her dress , but
lie recovered himself and caught the
fainting woman with onu arm while witii
the other he snatched the pistol from her
grasp. Summoning onu of the company
to his assistance ho hurried the passive
woman into the.elevator and conducted
liei to an upper rodin , sending out to the
company the information that a servant
had fainted. Dr. Isaac Opponheimor
was sent to her assistance and a vthispnr
in the ear of : i bridegroom led him to
hastily excuse himself for a moment and
liurry alter the physician.
When with the llush of his new honors
still snlVusing Ins cheeks the newly mar
ried man entered the chamber. Ho was
confronted by a figure from which he re
coiled in evident terror , and ho would
liavo made a precipitate flight had not
tlio burning words of tlio woman hold
Jiim as by a spoil. With panting breath
nnd ( lashing eyes , ono band upon her
Jieavlng breast and the other pointing as
if to tnuitiv tl.u bridegroom , .she cried :
"Y DM have broken my heart and ruined
my life , and now you cast mo into the
world without a name. " With this her
btrcugth failed and she fell back upon
the bed in a swoon.
The three men who had been witnesses
of this scene hastily iushod ; Scheyor from
the room , telling him to go ruck and
conduct liimself as if nothing had hap
pened , they would take care of the
woman boheyor lingered in the hall a
moment to collect bus scattered faculties ,
nnd wont back to the side of the girl who
Jiad just become his wife. Tlio guest i
vvoroquieted with the assurance tliat tlio
limiting woman had been sent home in a
carriage.
The music .struck up , the dance wont
on , and joy was apparently nnconlined.
This occurred a. little nftor 7 o'clock. In
: x few moments the woman had recovered
millieicntly to bo conducted to her car
riage and driven to her hotel in Kast
Klovonth street. Arriving about 3
o'clock , HUI ! spent the next hour and n
Iialf in writing out the story of her rela
tions with Hermann Schoycr.
From tills statement and some clip
pings from Montreal newspapers it ap
pears that shu had been behaved by
Jsehoyor under promise of marriage in
Montreal over two years ago. Her name
Is Viola Cohan , and she is the daughter
of a , vvull-to-do decorator. Some mouths
after , finding that Soheyurdid not intend
to tnllill his promise , .she laid in wait
for him on tliu street and
fihot him. inflicting , however ,
only u slight abrasion of
the arm. Witli tlio noise ot the report
fdic fainted away , and when she again
recovered consciousness found herself in
a hospital ward , her baby by her side.
No prosecution followed her attempt
upon Sehoyor's life , and she was allowed
upon recovery , to leave the hospital
without molestation. A few weeks after
tills the child was ( spirited away mysteri
ously , and though the mother has sought
it incessantly , she has not seen it smco.
Learning a few ( lavs ago that Sehoyor
had gone to Now York to bu married to
Mis.s licckol , Miss Cohen determined if
possible to prevent the ceremony. Witli-
ojit stopping to pack even a satchel she
came here , arriving Sunday morning ,
nnd going at once to hotolr There she
remained all day awaiting tlie time lixed
for the ceremony , when she int"iulod to
appear and proclaim her wrongs. This ,
according loJowith customs , would have
prevented llio marriage , lint she came
too late. The ceremony had boon lin-
ishod , and according to the law Hermann
Jscheycr and Irene 15eekel were man and
wife.
wife.At 9 o'clock Miss Cohen started for
Hoston on her way back to Montreal ,
htill vowing a speedy vengeance upon
Hchoyor. In the meantime the wedding
festivities wont on at Vienna hall
Shortly after midnight the bride and
irroom bid their friends good-bv and ru >
tired to their hotel , which they left at an
early hour yosturday morning for theii
future homo in Montreal.
The Hrjtlo HnokM Out.
yiihi.mvii.i.i : , 111. , . Sept. 1' ' ) . Hugh
HaVolett arrived from Hrooklyn , N. Y.
about a yonr ago and engaged to work
foa Skclton llirketl , a wealthy tanner o !
this county. A few weeks ago Ilujih.wlu
is about twenty year.s old , told his cm
ployer that when about ten yeats old Iu
agreed to marry Until Mob-on , ouo yoai
ihis junior , and that lie was still of thai
mind , and had sent money to thu yonn
lady to como hero for the purpose ot mar
iriago , asking permission to bring her ti
his employer's house till alter the cere
mony. Consent being given , the yotinj :
lady arrived and was hospitably roeoivoi
tin Mr. llirkott's palatial residence
lla/olelt applied to the imthoritie <
or a marriage license , bu
nijo d to obtain it , owing ti
his minority His father , on application
pumiptly sent written consent to tin
coiiutv clerk , Meanwhile the younu
lady had so charmed the Uirkett family
by her amiability and accomplishment :
that they decided to give u grand wed
ding dinner , Uev , Mr. ufack , of liethany
was sent for , the wedding quests wcro
there , when .to the astonishment of all ,
the young couple entered and declared
hat they had changed their minds just
then and that the wedding would not
take place. Ml s Hob on at once left for
her Brooklyn home , not a bride , but to
return to her former occupation , that of
bookkeeper in a bank. It is understood
that Miss ll'jbson declined lo marry
Ha/eli'tt because the latter had retire *
Routed to her and her parents1 that he
owned a home of hh own , which she
found to bo fnl'i1 , whereupon she con
cluded at tin ) last moment nottotruU her
whole future to one who attempted to
deceive her in the otitstart.
A Very Peculiar
Town Topic' : I hcatd of a very pe
culiar marriage that took place in the
auditorium in Ocean ( Srovo that founds
almost like a romance. A ycitng New
York broker foil in lo\ewitha country
girl while summering here , but the
mother , who seems to have been a sort
of she diagoon , objected to the suit. She
had possibly had j-omo experience in bur
wii life , for she averred that "all New
i'ork men wcro loafers , " and could not
i' I the bad broker near her cwo lamb.
'ho old lady was very religious and took
icr daughter to the auditorium one Sun-
lay to hear Dr. Dooms preach , What
, vas her indignation when , in the midst
> f a hymn , the young broker entured
ivith a friend and took up their seats < m
ither side of the voting lady , never heed-
UK the mother's frown. As the service
.irocecdcd she noticed that her daughter
ind the two men wore talking a great
leal together during the prayers , and
: ier indignation knew no bounds ; but she
lid not want to make a fuss during the
urayor. When tlio services were all over
ilie turned to her daughter with a soarl
mid said'
"You just wait till 1 get you home ,
urns.1
'But she is not going home , " said the
. 'ouiig broker.
"Not going home , " gaspeil the mother.
"Not to your home , anyway. The lady
s mv wife My friend is a minister , unit
.luring the sen ices ho has married us.
Iiood day "
And ho' walked coolly away with Ills
iri/o on his arm , leaving a very foolish
ild woman behind.
Pool Your Snlnrlcs ,
Wasliingon Letter : Years ago a rule
was made that not more than ono person
rom a familv should bo employed at ( lie
sumo timu in" the departments. A short
time ago a. voting lady employed in the
treasury called on Secretary 1-airchild in
reference to the rule. "Mr. Secretary , "
said she , "I'm engaged to a voting gon-
. Ionian in one of the other departments ,
nit we can't marry and live on his salary
f I ha\o to resign in order to marry. "
'Bless yon , m\ child , "said the secretary ,
'get married if you want to , and pool
your salaries. There is no law or ruling
under this administration to force you to
resign when you marry. "
Ilnniunrn lit 'JJiiHtlo Uprdcn.
New York LetterYear.s agoDcmonieo
Wagani was employed as a domestic in
i wealthy family of Venice named Vilmo
I'lio daughter of-thu familv was a beau
tiful and sprightly girl named Catharina ,
anil as Demonieo was a mighty good
looking young follow , a friendship
sin-ang up between them , and then , of
course , they fell in Jove. Secret meut-
ings were field. Finally Catharina and
Dumonico were engaged. Catharina's
parents were overtaken by misfortune
and greatly reduced in circumstances.
This change compelled the dismissal of
Demonieo. After consulting his be
trothed , the young man do-
cithid to como to this country ,
and manfully started out to maku
a home for himself and Cathariua. Ho
got work in a bank in the .Now York
Slant /eitung building and prospered.
A short time airo ho counted up his sav
ings and found he had enough money to
pay the passage of Catharina and her
aged mother to this country. He sent the
money , and a few days ago the couple
arrived at C-istle ( Jardun on the steamer
Cioltando. Demonieo was informed of
their arrival and ho hurriedly wenttothe
garden. When Superintendent llein/-
man brought th'u shy younir follow into
the inelosure Cathariua Unshod with joy
ful excitement , rushed to him and for
several moments they were locked in
each other's embrace. The girl coniuli-
muiited the young fellow on his line ,
manly , appearance. After passing
through the customary routine the smil-
mir couple [ oft tlio garden arm in arm.
Their marriage will take place in a few
days.
A liridn'rt Prcnnnt.
To his bride Sir Henry Tichbornc , who
was recently married in London , pre
sented a diamond and ruby ring , a diamond
mend necklace , another necklace in diamonds
mends and sapnhires : also a paruro of
diamonds and pearls , consisting of a tia
ra , a comb , pins for tlio hair , a nrmdant
and earrings ; a third necklace containing
live rows of pearls with a diamond clasp ;
a diamond aigrette , a bracelet in diamonds
mends , rubies and sapphires ; a diamond
bangle , diamond bracelet , a crescent
brooch in diamonds , rubies and sap
phires ; another brooch in diamonds , ru
bies and sapphires of shamrock pattern ;
a diamond and sapphire heart brooch ; a
diamond and ruby boo brooch ; a star
brooch in sapphires and diamonds ; a diamond
mend and moonstone brooch ; an Alex
ander ami diamond necklace ; still an
other necklace in diamonds , rubies and
pcurls , d'uimond shoo buckles ; a lace fan
witli tortoise shell * ticks and diamond
monogram ; a second pair of diamond
earrings , and yet another bracelet in
pearls and diamonds with miniature
portrait.
A iMfiliilclil Mnrriair * .
Datton U5a. ) ( ! ay.ctte : Dalton's reputa
tion is widespioail for sudden weddings
and ( Jretna ( ireon all'air . The last sur
prising event is a marriage at tlio Na
tional hotel at midnight. Mr. C. H.
Hulibard , of Chattanooga , and Aliss
Nona Taylor , of Birmingham , Ala ,
being the persons to enter the connubial
state. Miss Taylor _ has been a guest ot
the National for some future tune , and
on Monday night last Mr. Hubbard ar
rived from Chattanooga on the night ex
press , < uid proposed the hasty marriage
to his fiancee. She readily consented , sea
a minister was aroused from his slum-
burs , the groom elect repaired to the resi
dence of the ordinary and secured his
license , and just as the clock struck I'.1 ,
the last irrevocable words , which bound
tlio pair , wcro spoken and early train
bore them away on their bridal tour.
Gormrn
St. James ( Jay-etto1 ( iorman gentle
men , as a rule , I find , do not care much
for beauty in their wives , unless accom
panied bv some enduring qualities that
shall lit them to bo helpmeets indeed.
The very groati-st caution is displayed by
a Teuton in choosing a partner for Hie.
Before committing h.msolf too far with r.
> otinglady. the guntleman will first ask
tlie father s consent to visit at his liousu ,
thatlio may judge from the young lady's
conduct toward her parents , and broth
ers. and sisters , and servants , if she will
maku him a good wife. Ho must also
see that she is capable of cooking , iron-
in : : , dressmaking , ami other little ac
complishments. Should she como
through the ordeal unscathed the pair en-
gagu tliomseives by exchanging rings ,
ami the bride at once begins
to maku her wedding trousseau
no trilling atlair , as it is incumbent
upon her not only to provide
her own wardrobe , but all the household
dinrn , furnituiu and kitchen utensils
Tlio marriage is an occasion for great
rejoicings , and extends over su\eral
lays , during winch much tobacco i-
smoked by the males and much chatter
indulged in bv thu females between thu
hours of feasting. Stolid thotigU they
may be , nil Gorman hutband ? do not ap
pear to bo great successes ; vet the wives
urn evidently sweet , forbearing creatures ,
as the following Verses from tlio German
will show :
Oh , I have a man ns eood as can be ,
No woman could wish foi a butter than he ;
hoinctlniLH , indued , he nilzht chance to do
wrom : ,
But his lo\u for me is uncommonly strong.
When sonkcd with ruru ho i hardly polite ,
But knocks the crockery left and rlsht ;
And pulls my lialr , and ro\n iu.iln ;
Hut. cxifptlui : Hint , he's the best of men.
All I can say is , if the foregoing repre
sents the average of ( icrmnn women ,
they are easily satisfied. What a treas
ure such a wife would prove , what an inestimable -
estimable boon , to n Lancashiic miner ,
or to a Yorkshire cotton spinner ?
CO.NMJH1AMTIJJS.
A ManlMeo , Mich. , ml s Rratefully offered
her hand to a dentist who pulled a tooth
painlessly.
Kitd Strong and Cartlo Wlnslilp of the
"I'.mlon's Slavt , " company , were married In
lloboken , N. , ) . , last Ktldav.
.MNs Susanna Bancroftthe brunette crand-
daughter of the historian lus tinned her back
upon her coutitiymun and has determined to
matry a r'rcnchni.xn M. Lnbac U the name
of the lottnuntc youth.
An Kcyptlnn 120 jenrsoldhas been dls >
covuied at .Mlnleh. He possesses nil Ids
faculties nud walks thiuu hours pur day. A
native paper ays that ho recently mairied a
woman luO years his junloi.
As Inducuinnnts' to "any respectable
couple" to be married at the larmcis' fair at
Litltr. rent ) . , the following lfts are otlered :
A rangu and restilnr conklne oulllt , S-A In
uoney , a bureau , expenses at the hotel , a
icket to Philadelphia.
The marriage ot that ceninl democratic bach
lor Or. Deal , ( > t Norfolksays the Stale Jour-
inl , Indicates tlinthe has the inside trncK tor
. 'ulted States marshal. Nothing short ol thu
( resident's order , that all ledcr.il olllcials
ihould ict married and also who are about
o become fcdc.rat olliclals would htuo
itarted him in pursuit ot thu nuptial knot ,
ho wcddiiu iliiL" and thoaltar. Thu doctor
Aunt to Virginia for Ids bride. U Is the
midest blow over struck at the oldbachelois'
initual protective society ol Nebraska.
Sllss Mary Tiieker , the benutlful voiini ;
: Iniightei ot cx-Kupresentathe Tucker or
Ksscx , Conn. , who eloped with her fathes's
colored coachman. Hanohntt , and was mai-
rlu.l . bv the minister in bur own town , she
impiously having colored bur sUIn to envoi
lor Identity , was found Monday deserted
and penniless.at a t.irmhoiiso between L > me
and Black Hill , on the Shoie Llnu road ,
llaiichett deported his brldu and took tlio
boat for New York. Thu L-iil made her Way
on foot to the homo ot her father's house ,
itnd toll ill with Cover brought on by expos-
are and excitement. She will piobably die.
Patriarch Nicholas 11. KiUielv , president
ot the Ktdcoly National ll.mk ol Sprlncfield ,
111. , was horn April 2'.t. isoi ) , and his served
as an olllcer In a bank , continuously , since
2S .
There appeared last week in the obltuiry
columns of the riill.-.delpliia Ledger , notices
ot the death ot eleven persons , nil women ,
who had lived to 01 bejond the advanced ago
ol eighty yt ars.
A colored blacksmith , who woiks eveiy
.lav at his forgo , and who Is 100 yeats old , Is
aiesidentof O/nn. Ark. His name Is Per
kins. Ho was sold on the block In New
Orleans nnd taken to Arkansas In 18 10.
Nicholas Leniko , of Pittsburg , says that he
was bom In Poland In ITbl , and therefore is
1UO years old. Ho Is almost blind and has hot
a tooth in Ids head , but Is as htraiulit us an
nrrow and remarkably quick and vigoious.
Mrs. Clarissa Sldoner , ol Adamstown , Ky. ,
made bur own clothes and did her house-
woik until site was 110 jeais old. She died
recently in herllSth year. All of her teeth ,
excepting four , were perfectly sound nt the
time of death.
Thomas vVhlpple , a con tonal Ian , has just
lied on the farm which lie cultivated for
more tlmn fifty vears near Parksville , Sulli-
\an cotii'tv , X. Y. Ho was born nt New
London. Conn. . July Ul , 17s7 , being a grand
son , on his mother's sld > , of ( funeral Ktlian
Allen , of revolutionary lame.
Detroit 1ms a veneinule and worthy vatilot ,
with thn liarlnra t/rletchle spirit , In the per
son of Mis. llulheit.ot Third avenue , who Is
nearlv ninetv > ears old. Mrs. Hulbeit sent
lour sons to thewai , nil ot whom ncqultted
themselves with credit , and one laid down
his lilt ; on the held ot battle.
Captain liobort W. Andicws recently
reached naitloid. Conn. , with his do , : Fidn.
Thecnptain had just strolled down from Bos
ton , llehnd wnlked lO.OUU miles in Iho last
tour years. Ho is uinetv-seveii years of age.
lit lives In Sunder. S. C. , and left therojn
April to walk to Boston. He claims to have
seen all the presidents , with the exception
of ( inrheld
lohn.I. Cioodell , of ( Jreen Island. N. Y. ,
celebrated his ninetv-thlrdbirthdav Saturday
last. He tins lived under all ol the presidents
ot the United States. In politics he is a
democrat. Ho Is still active. A brother of
Mr. ( todell died In the west recently at the
ace ot 100 > ears. He has a sister living In
.Michigan who is ninety-live yeirs old.
Samuel Moirison , of Indianapolis , Ind. . Is
said to be thu oldest living native of Indiana.
His patents were Pennsylvaninns , who
moved to Kentucky after the revolution , in
which his father tought cnllantly. going sub
sequently to the Hoosier state , where be svns
born In I7'.i . lie enjoys good health , and is
"a veritable encyclopedia ot Indiana his
tory. "
A man giving his name as Count Schwatz-
ki , ninety joars of aire , arrived In Krie. Pa. ,
September 15. to enter the soldiers' nnd sail-
/irs honiu. He said ho was born in Warsaw ,
Polandnnd tliat in IM' ) , when ho was twimtv
ono years of ase , ho was one of Napoleon's
soldiers , nnd wns with that great zcncrnl on
his march to Moscow , and endured the sut-
ferimr iiicm rod by the devoted army on Its
dlsastcrous letroat from that city. II fought
nt AustorlltTrieste nud Loill , nnd Ind a
clear recollection of the historical events of
these stlrtiug times. Ho was banished to
America tor political offenses , and wns a
volunteer soldier in the late war.
UKMGIOUS.
The seat of the no\t guueral conference of
the Methodist Kpiscop-il church , which will
meet In 1V.K ) , will bu at St. Louis.
A solemn nnniversni.N mass ot leiiiiiem for
the repose of the soul of thu Into Caidmnl
McCloskoy will be celebrated iu the New
York cathedral on Monday , the lOlh of Octo
ber.
ber.The
The new Kplsuoual church of St. 'f homas ,
nt Mamaroueck\ou Now York sound. Hies a
white ting from its "splio tower. " Its legeni
is the oflicial seal ot the parish , with dates in
dark blue , and It is the only instance of a
church Hag known iu lids coiiutiy.
A commission ol the Kionch assembly hns
formally approved , by i.irgo majoiity , a les
olutlon in favor of disestablishment. The
state L'rant now paid to the chinch amounts
to S'J.OOO.OOO , exclusive ol 52 000,000 providui
tor departments and municipal councils.
Bishop Perry write * a friend in Daven
port tliat he cabled his declination of the
Novft Scotia bishopric immediately on. r -
eolpt ol noticit of his election , and tlmt ho
never had a thought of abandoning his Iowa
diocese. Ho will sail for homo October n.
The minutes of the general assembly of the
Irish Piosbyterian church foi ISSr , show that
711) ) membeis attended the lust meeting
There were & "i congregations , on the roll ol
the assembly ami < vr > ministers , Including
professors , elc. There nr at present an tin
usual number ot licentiates Idly-six. The
assembly carries on its work by means ol
thirty-six committees and ten boards.
The. sixth annual session of the Congrega
tloiul association for north Dakota con
veued last week nt Fargo. Prof. H. II
Woodworth , ot ( irand Forks , was electc (
moderator , and S. II. Stlcknoy , secretar >
'
Thn subject of chief Inteiejt b'uforo It wa
the Inanimation ot the Congiou'ationnl col
lego of north Dakota at Faigo. It Is chlmei
thateastein capitalists will give It a llbera
endowment.
( J. W. Brown of Yonngstovvn. Pa , , suppllc
this leat from Oil City's e\ily : history : "Di
you want to know how the lirst church In
Oil Citj came to bo built'.1 Well. i'll tell you
1 was around heiu n good deal In the > o gooa
old davs , nnd one nfteinoon I met a proud
nent citizen on the street witli whom I wa
well acquainted. 'See here. ' said ho , 'do yet
want to take n coutiact to deliver some In in
tier in this town' " 1 told him 1 did If thn
terms vvuie s msfnctory , and lie continued
' \ on M < y , three or four of us got drunk las
nl ht , and wo concluded that the lowi
ought to hate n church. ' I made a contrac
to deliver the lumber , " said Mr. Brown"am
so Oil Citj's lirst church was built. "
Even feitheis aru mitdo In two-tone elfects
to niitch tiut changeable or shot ribbons am
htiiltsbioiiKht out for areas and mHluifiv
purposes.
SEVERAL SUNDAY SMILES ,
A Petition to Mark Twain Snob Things Do
Happen Not the Ticket.
*
WHY THE CROWD WAS SILENT
\ Very Kind Ycmtli Slio Know Him
Horace Greolej-'fl Humor A Nmle
Aw.ikrulni ; < l 1'iopliet for
I'tolltLKtlr Hits of run.
A Petition lo MnrkTViuln.
iVtl'1 JolIIVilif. / .
Mntk Twain ,
In vain
You try to wrlto a | > lay !
\ our part
In art
Was never built tliat way.
'TIs slush
slushAnil musli
You put upon the boimU ;
Kncli art.
art.In
In fart.
Itullt np of fool Mi word ? .
O Twain ,
Itcstrnin
Your wild dramatic ju/c.
llellcct- .
Kxppct
No word of ciltiu's praise ;
Tor w IUMI
IUMIYour
Your pen
Attempts to inaUu a plut
it urns
urnsTo Ptins
And other stupid rot.
incuse
My iiuisp
ForspenKlngoutso plain :
Hut , Maik ,
I'lease hnrk ,
Don't write a play again.
Such Thl MI ; * Do
Phinilulpliii | : News * "How long would
you 1)0 willinjr to wait for mev" slui
nurinurcd. "You know , George , father
ms recently invested in u silver mine ,
ind he's uoiujj west at onoo. I cannot
eave mother alone , do 1 ask you , dear ,
tow lonn would yon he willing to wait
i > r tnov"
"Wnil for you , my darl'mi : ? " replied
! ! oorne , with deep emotion. "I will waiter
[ or you until we learn how the silver
mine pans out. "
Not the Tlc'kot.
I'liiladelphia North American : "Tick-
ots ! " shouted the conductor to n scedy-
looidnir man with : i ( iai tintna nose.
"Did you address me ? " said the seedy
party.
"Tickets'1' '
"What kind would yuu like ? I have
cm-its tickets , pawn tickets , and "
" 1 want your ticket your railroad
ticket , " yelled the conductor.
"I'm sorry , but I left it at home. If "
"Then ' oil'at the
you'll ha\o to gel at
next station. "
"Yes ? Well , I don't mind. [ under
stand the next station is unrivalled in
l > ioturosueuoss ( | , and I'd just as boon
stop there over niirlit as not "
A Very 'Kind Youns ; Man.
MM. Ivindhcart My dear .son is so
charitable that lie is prevented from be-
intr with mo as much as he
would like ,
Mrs. Censorious How sad. Where is
bo now ?
Mrs. Kindhoart. lie has taken : i poor
orphan # irl , sailing in Ins yacht , who
otherwise would not have a chance to
breathe a whin"of fresh air all summer.
Contantlv Uomindod of Her.
N. V. Sim : He was stroking her hair
fondly she had beautiful hair which was
not overlooked whjui inscrutable provi
dence was painting thinjrs red and
tliey were very , \crv happy. The old
folks had gbuo to bod.
"And during the Imsv hours of the dav
( icorgo. dear , " the sirl wont on , "do
thoughts of mo ever come to you' ' Do
you think of mo occasionally ivhile im
mersed in thu caio.s and responsibilities
of your busy business life' ' "
"I think of you occasionally , " he re
plied , with tender reproach , "Yes , in
deed I do love , every time I see a white
horse. "
Thf ! You n i : Mollp nCKy.
There was a young belle of Ky ,
Who said to her lover , " \es dy ,
Too long wo have tamed.
Wo'lrshortly boiuairicd. ' '
So the youth was iiucoiniuonly ly.
S Icnco Fell Upon Them.
San Francisco Chronicle : There
was about n half a do/en of them
and they had been oil' somewhere in the
country. They were rill piled on a watron.
and as they passed one of the numerous
cottages a pretty woman accidontly
turned a white handkerchief loose.
There were six handkerchiefs waving
wildly iu the bree/.e in one instant.
"By Jove , she's pretty. I wouaer who
she is ? That was meant for me. "
"It wasn't ; it was meant for me , " saiil
everybody but a little old man sitting on
the wacou Hidden from sight.
"Woll , " he said , "I'llbet ' it was not
meant for mo. "
"Why ? "
"Because that was my wife. "
And a dead silence fell on the picnic.
The Small Ooso Dismayed Him ,
Texas biftings : 'Wife ( to sick prohibi
tionist ) Tht1 doctor says , my dear , that
you must take whisky to tone up your
system.
Sick Prohibitionist Well , if 'I must ,
why of course that settles it , but whisky
is an awful cur.io. How much am i to
take1'
Wife A teaspoonful twice a day.
Sick prohibitionist drent heavens ! is
that all.
Still Upon The Hooka.
Another summer night das gone by ,
Ah me !
Again the swallows hoinownid lly ,
I see.
I've wanrteied by the Mowing tlilii
With many men close I > y my side
Hut noun nsUed me his little bride
To be.
l'\e hushed full many a girlish laugh ,
Te Im !
And yearned for ft better halt
' 1 o be.
A do/on mittimus have tn'eu wine ,
Kadi with Its winter and Itssprlnir ,
And now I'd marry anything
With glee.
l'\o wandered with young fellows by
The loa ;
But w hen ,1 , roll my eyes and slith
Tliov lino.
I've haunted all the lover's nooks.
And looked my most olluctl\e looks ,
lint I am still upon thu hooks ,
Ah mo 1 _
llornce Oroelcy's Humor.
Mr , Grcoloy's humor was of a peculiar
sort , but it was allied to genius. Ono
cvoninganassociatoeditorof thoTniliiie |
accosted him as he came into his desk
with bomo'stich qnostwn as this
"Didn't you know , i\lr. ( Jrecley , that
you made a dreadful blunder in one of
your statistical editorials this morning" "
"No ; how was it ? " said Mr. Crecley.
"Why , yon said .something about
'lloidsieck ( nut champagne. ' Don't you
Know lloidsieck in champagne" '
"Well. " said Mr. Groolcy , quietly ; "I
am the only editor of this p'ipei that
coiilil make that mistake. "
Un another occasion a person who
wished to have .1 little fun at the expense
of his consistency said , in a group where
Mr ( irooloy was standing
"Mr. ( iroeloy and 1 , gentlemen , are old
friends. Wo have drunk a gro.it deal ol
brandy and water together. "
"Yes , " paid Mr. ( Jroeloy , "that is true
enough. You drank t/n bntnily and 1
drank the water. "
Wlint .Middy Menlus Will 1) > .
"It is getting too cool '
lo meet cla i'es-
tinely on the porch , Agnes. "
"And my father forbids you entering
; ho house.
"And must our love , then , bo like the
loornint or the dormouse.or hatever it I ? ,
that sleeps all winter ? Will it not die of
imcutnomn or catarrh ? Perhaps they
may have a love in the horse-cars this
winter , and and if they do , though I
dare not hope so , wo c'tn ride round in
the evening on the belt line , and have an
liour and a half of sweet communion , all
for ten cents. "
She looked into Ills face , her eyes radi
ant with love and admiration. "You sire ,
indeed , " she exclaimed fervently , "onu
of that small trati'irurcd band who o
mighty gonlus overcomes the most for
midable obstacles. Wo will write a pos-
tnl card to the horse car company im-
| ) loring them to put stoves in their cars
this winter , " and they ut once penned it.
Whether their appeal will melt the icy
licarts of the horse car people will bo
known before Christmas time.
Slio Knew Him.
She sat liesldo me at the play
In nil her L'liIMi lovllness ,
While In thn box across the way
A dowager In gorgeous dies
Sat , while the diamonds glittered tirliclit ,
On wrinkled neck and shoulders bare ;
"Ah , vvoio those ( joins niy own , " 1 cried ,
"I'd lind lor them a place moie fair. "
"Sweetheart. " I whispered , "need 1 tell
Wlieio I wo'dd ' have those coins repose' , " '
Slio faltered not ( she know mo well ) .
"U'hy , with yoiir uncle , i supnojel"
A lludo Awnkcnilni ; .
lie loved her with a passion deep
Ol love's liist ardunt tlatuc ,
And grandly swore his vows ho'd la-op
And share with her his name.
Alas ! the plans that surest scorn
Doolti'ii "gang aclov. "
And so this lover's oirly dream
Was lightly sweptaway.
And in this manner nonchalant
Cold Into had lauirhcd Him .scorn ;
lle'il seen her In a restaurant ,
And watched her eating coin.
A 1'ronliVt l\ > r Profit.
"Uncle Jack , " s.iid a butcher to an old
colored whitow.xshor thu other , "yon
know weather pretty well , don't you ? "
"Yes , sah. "
"Wh.it kind of a winter do you think
we'll ' have" '
"Well , sah , dat same quoshun war'
axed mo yesterday , accompanied by a
gilt of 10 cents , an' I predicted a worry
mild winter. Howsnmobcr , * as you
haven't" '
"llcro'n a dime , I'licle .laciv. "
"All ! thanks. It's gwino to be mild ,
sah worry mild. Yes , ah we'll hev
summer all winter , sail. "
Slio dimmed Her Mltnl.
San i'raneisco Chronicle : A grown-up
man , a man ot mature rears , would not
have done it. Ho would have nut his
arms around her and said gently
"Di'iir , 1 don't like your painting and
powdering It doesn't makn you look
hiee "
And slio would have told hint that she
thought it did , and if ho didn't like it lie
could "jo and get another girl , or some
thing Fike that. At the best she wouldn't
have- taken any notice of tiio remon
strance. But lie was a vonng man , and
that was not his way. Ho was going to
take her to the theatre , and , knowing her
peculiarity , lie put a powder jmlV and a
box of rouge in his pocket. When she
came down stairs ho saw she was deco
rated us usual. Ho immediately pulled
out his rouge and powder and pointed
himself up.
"What are yon doing ? "
"Only making myself handsome "
" 1 will not go out witli you like that. "
"Why not ? "
"It death. "
would mortify me to
"Woll , but you're just like that. "
"That's a dill'eront thing. "
"Well , I'll make a bargain If you
will wash oil'yours , I will wash oil'mine. "
"Wo don't go out then. "
"All right. "
But she thought bettor of it and she ac
cepted his bargain. She was very prcttv
after that.
Slid lloNiilt of Ncjilootod Kdiu-ntlon.
Jack Kthcl , I am ashamed of you 1
saw that I'renelunan in the conservatory
kissing you repeatedly. \ \ by didn't you
tell him to stop' '
Kthol 1 couldn't , Jack
Jack You couldn't * Why not ?
Kthol 1 eati't speak French.
Ho FHC tlie ANVst.
AVic I'mtoiminciclal / Ailffrtltcr.
Ulalik of all the larmini ; west ;
If Idaho I'd KO there.
I'd Nebraska better chance
It once 1 had a show there ,
Slio , theiel
The Killing Hand.
nK man's supremacy ,
The youth and maiden quarrelled ;
"The hand that wluldi the pun , " Hiiil he ,
"Is the hand that inlns Ua world. "
Then quoth the maiden crrmper ,
While her rod lip she curh'd :
"blr , the hand that wii-lds the sllinir ) ;
Is the blind that inles the world. "
An lOvcoss ol" Archness.
Her eyebrow is a lovely arch , aioli is her
foot , arcli is her smile.
Yet , straiiRo to f.\y , unhappy ho ,
Thu man who would her lovci he :
That siuilot a wllo but to bucuilo ;
Arch-temptiess she I
Two Pitiful Cnsci.
Two bruised and battered patients lay
side by side in a hospital ward.
"lama b.isoball player , " said one ,
"who are youv"
"I was one of the judges at a baby
show , " said the other ; and then the ord
erly came and gave each of thorn a hypo
dermic injection of morphine.
Ch.iniliii ; iho Day.
Minister's little boy ( to yt low who has
buried four husbands ) 1'a sout me tip to
nsk you if it was Wednesday or Thursday
that Mr. Smith wanted him to perform
the weddin' ceremony He's forgot and
didn't like to av so to Mr. Smith1'
Widovv Wednesday , little boy.
Little Boy Tlr.it s what pa thoughtbut
he wasn't sure , 'cause Thursday , bo said ,
has alway- boon your day for marryiii' .
1.MP1KT1KS.
In all tlui hooks In thu bible only one of
them Is a specimen of Job piloting.
PJIiostou ItiiDilsous impartially preachers
and cainblcri wl'0 ' ha\o no license. The
hub puts pleaching and preying on the same
level.
The Kov. Dr. Kultnn wants to know wh.it
would have Dccoino of Martin Luther II ho
had become a newspaper editor , lie would
have been a success , for ho was an expert at
taint : the Inkstand at the devil.
A little Cass avouuo ( 'lrl came noino from
chuich Kieatly troubled over the bottomless
pit. Attor awhile she chocred uii , saylni : :
" 1 didn't think ot It bcloio , but Ir the bottom
tom of the jilt Is o'lt 1 could set out on the
othorslilo , couldn't I' . ' '
A dfiKvtnan In Carson , N'ev.recently sent
to a local paper a notice ot the &ci vices at
his cliuroh , in which thu Riibject of Ids ser
mon , "How to ( Jure llooillumlsm , " was
Klvcn. It appoaiod In print , however. "How
to Cure Rheumatism , " and thu church was
pacUed. .
Mrs. ( i. , a very charmlnj ; Indy and do-
volt'd mother , was much shucKed the other
moiling at thu InnocLMiV depravity of her
sou , a child ot live yeais. She liiii tauu-ht
him to beliu\o In the power ol piaicr. So
whun he wishes anything ho adds the wish
to his nightly supplication , lie had sot his
lio.ut upon the poss , > sion ot a drum , and
nftet askin. ( Sou for It each nuht lor a
wcok his mother L'ot ono and put it out ot
si.'ht. but wheio she could lunch it wlnlo hit
was pnilniand iilncu It on the hud so that
when Mo laisi'd Ills head bo would sou It. A- >
hooudodhis prayer with thu usual "Cod
bli'ss inaiuini nnil pnpa , " ho ralsod his O\PS
and In the sunn bitMili o\cl limed : Where
the dnvll did it ciiniu liom" ' '
Tlinhov who was to pifrsomto thi ) | savior
tuu Sumiaeivdl.i ili.i. ; puaKin lil.iy
CHAS. C. SPOTSWOOD ,
305 South IGtli Street. '
1 Inivo linriruliis In Vacant I.otf , Homos unit Lots , nud HuMiuns Piopoity , nlwn > on linnO
If jou Imve uti > tiling to suit or trade , or wiph to Imy cull oil mo. Spoclnl ultoiithm to tnulo
; to.v , .soi rii MXTi.r.Nm srttr.irr.
RILEY & McMAHON ,
Real Estate and Loan Brokers ,
310 South Fifteenth Street.
oll.'i lots In Pntiick * nild , fiom IIWO : f4UO cash Poiucileshnlile trnckiinc lots.
fi aura Kooil trnckiiKO , clienp.
C.ooil linrKiiins In nil pi < rls of the city.
Si'\riiilcl > riu > lots In Smith Omulm
Nleo actcs In llonliehloliuiip. A line ncro In Wnshlujctoii lllll
HILL & YOUM
FABNAM ST.
FURNITURE
Carpets , Stoves ,
House ( SooiU.
Weekly and Monthly Pay-
merits ,
was Eph Harris , a coloied boy ,
waiter lor Mr. l.nimdou. Ho is a
likely looking black bov. almnt twenty-
one vears old. "What's voiir name1. " ' was
asked. "Kph Hairis. " "Was you to have
roiuesentrd the Savior to-night'.1'1 Yes ,
boss ; 1 was to bu a holy man this nluiit , hut
the whlto folk's douo stop us. I had my
costume nil fixed. 1 was to wear a white
L'ownaud ble gold crown. 1 was to be on
the stage and thu \irginsniound me. Hut
they done knocked that out lioss , do von
think the earthouako will be lieiu in-night' . * ' '
asked Kph. Helm : nseured that there wns no
chance of an earthouake. Kph became talka
tive , and said : "Thev done knocked out an
other act where 1 wns to be do Lord drlvini :
Adnm nnd Kve out ot the garden of Kilou.
I was to be n good man sine this eaithn.irike
iuors.
Little points ol metal ,
Little ( hops ol ink ,
Make thotr < > ut tiomblo
And the people think.
A spirit wrapper Is usually made nbout a
medium si/e.
1'overtv won't be abolished this genera
tion , by ( ieorgu.
It takes a clover man to conceal from others
what ho doesn't know.
A great mnnv people hold theoiios who
can't hold their tongiius.
Stticily speaUiiisr , a nnn can't dve ids
mustache nnd lemnin honest.
llns anybody ever alluded to the fact that
painting the town red is a enidiunl sin' '
Thorn are lee mnnv "hung iurios"niid not
enough hunt : muidcrors in this country.
"Alter thn baseball season is over the
catchers will bo allowed to go uiimu//.lod , "
The mill who does nothing but laugh In
his sleeve will .oon bu out nt the elbows.
If .Shakespeare were alive to-day ho would
probably spiinUlo some salt on Mr. Donuollv.
While the lamp holds out to bin n there Is
not much danger of the average servant hi 1-
Ing it.
Whuu a bank boodler sKIps to Panada now
it is In oidei to ask : Was It thu lady or the
Hirer'.1
Somebody si ) s iho ago ol the coal dealer
Is the toiiiia.'u. Some folks think it's thu
shortage.
Tlicro Is nothing In this world that Is
mennor than a liar , unless perhaps , It is
another liar.
The Smithsonian institution audit to place
a traveling minstrel show among lt' <
archirologicnl specimens.
While tin1 lamps ol a city belnim to a enm-
pauv , It seems that many city ollicinls have n
lean on the posts of thn lamps.
If Itobert ( Jarrett wants to repair Ids shat
tered fortunes let him take the place ol Ids
sleeping car porters for a tew runs.
Some puoplo do not seem to care to maku
the neighborhood , iu which the > live , plctir-
esiiie. | If they did , they would go away.
The little King of Spain is ciililuir ids
teeth. Hero's hoping tlmt there Is a wisdom
tooth as Mi as a hammer head in the lot.
"Walter , " ho said in quite a'lniul lone nt
voice , "have von got any ehampagnonii Ico' " '
"Yes. sir. " "Woll , tiring mo n bottle of
beoi , " whispered tint jounir man.
\ California newsp.ipoi has su ioiided ) ,
and it- > owner L'ives as a reason that the real
estate boom has robbed h m of his entire
stall , Including his olhco hoy.
Kuille Xoli loeelved SOO.OOO fiom his pen
last > car. Thoio is a hog-nlsor in Kan is
who got twhu Hint much Irom his IILMI. llo
Is bonllng Xola on his own ground.
An pxplmngn advances several lentous
"why wo will have an early full. " The boat
reason npparout at this writing is th.it all the
heat ( il lhoc.u was utill/cd last .Inly.
Smoking dostiojs the memory , says a sci-
mitlst , and the statement finds eonohoratlon
in tin' tact that mnnv imojilo who smoke tor-
get to buy their own cig.us and tobacco.
Next 11 a red wagnuvlth a spriiig8o.it
theio is nothing as pretty as a driru-mnior
who wears a hat mndn ol a butf.ilo rob > .ind
svvln.'R a loug polo with a silvei knob on the
end nl ft.
Mrs. ll.iyippd iwhcio son
( leorco writes that fle is taUm : iimcliu los *
sous. Mi. Hayseed-I'm glad o'that. I'll
"el him a-digum' post holes when ho gits
homo.
A French paper says that llismaick Is
financially interested in twelve Inowerlos.
What a uolitical string ho could null In this
eounliy with that hacking ! -Hud be an al
derman inside of six months.
Slio Iiiivoil Him Hotter. .
On tlio wedding journey :
He ( Kontiiuontally ) Darling , do you
love mo bettor than your lirst husband ? '
She Certainly , lie's deadl
ALTOS TELL Ik TROTH
Ahout whoiolo buy
BOOTS and SHOES
Kor I.ndlos Men nod Children.
I > ! " ! ' this aslilo lor fiitoro rofnronto when In-
dlos'fjonts1 iindcliildruna' shoes you want
to Imy
IrAVK thu KlndnnH * to cull nnd Inspect m ;
1 boluoluil stocK , jou'll lluil my pilcus'nio
not lil li.
I N Indies' nnd eldldrons1 flno shoes I ciury
Mww A. Alliiluhl nnd Thog. Klik goods and
over ) iuudiiiir iiinku toull. . '
I ADIlia. you out fend mo , or loiivo jour or- 3
* ili'i'H u ht'tliL'i they tlio sinnll or liiitfu.
r dl'AltAN'l'r.lC you courteous iitlotnlniiconiKl
ilullvuiy , II noedd IIK , Irou of cluuKo.
> A VINO i-ti lolly rush lo the mamifaotorprs
when 1 Diiy.uotthitf lurifo discouuls , I muu
I IlAvINC to my uiisioincrs those discounts ,
I-MS my inciins of mnUntr linsinesa grow.
AIil. I solicit Is n hlmio of your imtrnnnire , nn
In Iliii1 hoots A shoos , I hiivo now on liunil
X""OT only nil tlio li-nilim : if miles , but the fluent
-i- > si } let iii hiiiiiinor nnil lull K < 'Oili that cnsli
riiiiroinniHiid
C < IVK tlmt c'\i drill hnnd nnd iniirhhio mnku
' soul's Hliou ol II. C. \ uunic Co.ol' lloslon.
ntiiid.
( jri'l.lilOlt Noith Htar Hoot nnil hhoo Co ,
V ' Mlniiniioli4 | , Minn. , I liavo evoiy Kindooti
UAVINIi lull-tiK'tlj ono prlco , nnd tlmt thn
Iuwo < t , the liooU nnil fhoos you mi ) ot' 010
O N nil oceiisioiis uiu jiiHt us inprL'-tJiitfil , pcr-
tvcl In lit , KI ado nnd quit'lly '
EVI'.ltV tlmn > ou iOiilro | t.mllps' , fionts'
MIHHOS' nnd Clillds Shoes , or luimlrhig done
holh Mollund nriil ,
SI'.M ) or cull at I'lilllu IMUIT'S Old ftollablo
Shor M'no , No 1T-"J rnuiain Hi ret.
I vor > ptlrol hoots or sl.uu Mtlil h ) l , < inir li
wniiiinti'd lo lit nnd lo l > ns lopio-cntril , or
tliu inonoy will lie rul'nndi'd. .Mist liu.tr this In
iiinid , nnd KO to li inir , 1 Iji ) rnrniun , lor nny-
thliiK noi'ili'ii hi his lino.
HIST S10lK IN O.MAHA TO Sii.KCT :
1'UO.M.
Mrn'ri llonts . . : $3 f/i
.Men's VVurklnif Shoos 10)
Moil's rinut'oiiKriSor I.nun Mines . . . UO )
Mi'o'H I'mu Conxion or I.ueu 1'iunuli Cidf ,
Miulimo Mnkn . . . . 150
Moil' * I'lnuConciCbs-or Inco I'louvh Cnlf ,
Hnnd Main- . . . . li 00
I.ulios' full ( iont Ililltonliou3 , C , I ) , K
widths > 00 ,
I.IUII04' KM llutlon Shops , C , I ) , i : v > lillli , '
woitli nl'otMioH' ' , i' ! , nt IM
J.lltlllV I'li'iirh Kid llutlon Shoos , I ) , I' f
H idlh" , woitli cUuu li < jru , f 1. nt . . . . I ( X )
Ml "Ms1 nnd ( lnldic'ii'n cliool Mines
wiiilli liom fl to t'J . . . MM
( Imis' hhoi K 111 Kid IK ( teat ' 'iO
I nr | i , piii'i-3 ( unit to tin ( lid II' i ililo ,
Philip Lang , 1320 Farnsm Sf.
LESKY ROOFiNO ,
1 in or I tin , Repaired.
Anil I'linlt ! nnil Kunninirod livid lor nuintor
nl JOIIIH. 1'iiiiits ni'Vor hlistoi.
GRAVEL 3JOOPI1\TG
Maiutacliired und inpiurod. 1'iro IVool 1'iUnl
OI'lluU ' to Hlun tics. I'i y ( urn f xiiorloncii ,
W.M II. Cl.'KllAS A SON.
111 B.lll > t. Hut. Arbor and Vfntua.