THE OMAHA DAHLY BEEt SUNDAY , .TUMV'81.l887. . TVVELTE PAGES. 11
hOME SUMMER PLEASANTRIES
A Priond to Humanity Who Vows to
"Bwat'em. "
ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPELLED.
On Top of the Peak Tlio Villain. Still
Panmem Her Ha didn't Bay
Uls Narrow Escape Strange
Co-lncldonce.
I'd Swat * 'Km ,
SI.tiui Globe.
I've a list of fellows In my mind ,
Whose acts arouse ray Ire.
And I'd swat 'em , you can bet , I'd swat 'em
you can bet.
If I couldn't do the Job myself , some other
man I'd hire ,
To swat 'em all , yon bet , to swat 'em all , you
bet.
There's the man who claims , when he gets
left , the weather will be cold ,
And the dude , the ladles pet , I'd swat him ,
yon can bet.
And the drummer and the screecher of the
Gospel Army fold ,
I'd 'em bet I'd swat 'em too
swat , too , you , , ,
you bet
And the "beto nolr" , ot the Irish cause , the
nirrow-intnded tory ,
And the idiot so easily reminded of a story ,
And the men or women , either , whom the
festive gum doth chew ,
And the nuisance who enquires , "Is It hot
enough for you ? "
And the man at party , ball or hop , who
dances every set ,
I'd swat him. you can betI'd swat him , don't
There's "Citizen" and "Verltas" and 'Jus
tice" and the rest ,
Whose names you've often met , I'd swat 'em ,
you can bet
All agents , book and lightning rod too , every
homo a pest ;
I'dnwat'cm , you can bet , I'd swat 'em
"sans" regret.
And the man who thinks that evrry club Is
poor but his own team.
Anil thn organ crank who mars , each day ,
the sunlight of your dream.
And the crowd who always manage at a
show , to come In late.
And that singular anomaly , the walking del
egate.
All people who on slight pretexts find fault
and fume and fret
I'd swat'om you can bet I'd swat 'em hard ,
you bet.
There's the drummer who , when soiling
goods , puts on a big per cent ,
And says ho sells them net , I'd swat him ,
you can bet.
And the landlord who , in Erin's Isle , extorts
excessive rent
I'd him bet I'd swat him
swat , you can , you
can bet.
And the man who tries to turn each word
you sav Into a pun ,
And the clergyman who ventures , "one
word moro and Pin done. "
All people who enjoy ( ? ) themselves each
dimmer at the lakes ,
The while wo know they're pestered with
musqultoes , bugs and snakes.
All these and many others 1 could meet
without regret ,
And swat 'em you can bet , and swat 'em yon
can bet M. J. if.
"Swat A knock-out blow delivered on the
Jugular.
A. Hard Set-Baok.
Detroit Free Press : There were a half
do/on of us sitting around the depot at
Verbena , Ala , , when an old darky , evi
dently just in from the plantation after
'baccy or groceries , hove in sight.
"Now , boys , " said the colonel as we all
remarked the old man , "you keep still
and I'll scare the old nigger out of a
year's trrowth.
With that he called to Sambo and the
old man came up , doited hia hat and
asked what was wanted.
"I'm General D. Erastus Longfellow ,
and have boon sent down hero by the
United States government to look up the
marriage cortiiicatcs of colored pooplo.
Have you pot yours with yout"
"N-no. sah/
"You havn'tl Then it is at the house ? "
"N-no , sah. "
"What ! Have you no marriage cer
tificate to show ? "
"Deed I haven't , sah. "
"Thou sir , let mo inform you that the
penalty is five years in state prison ! Did
you lese your certificate ? "
"Reckon not , sah.
, "Novor hnd ono ? "
"Nobbor. "
"Groat snakcjs ! but it will eo hard with
you , Undo Muses I I halo to tear you
from your family and send you to prison
for the rest of your days , but duty must
bo obeyed. No certificate of marriage ,
never had ono , and 1 don't suppose you
can remember who married your"
"No. sah , I can't. "
"E IMuribus Umim ! But won't you
catch HI Where and when were you
married ? "
"Nowhar , sah ! Nebber got mar'd
'tall. Allus dun bin what you white folks
call an old bach haw I bawl haw ! "
English as She ls Spelled.
O , SIUOUX.
You have heard of the city of Sioux ,
The lovellest'over you knloux ;
And the following tale ,
I am sure , can not fall
To be road with emotion by yloux.
To this bustling young city ot Sioux ,
Came a scion of Albion trfoux :
When the name was pronounced ,
In his learning ho flounced ,
And at once In a passlou ho flloux.
"Now , tell mo , O people of Sioux I"
He shouted , "what can a man dloux ?
As 'tis spoiled , so wo say it ,
And that Is the way It
Should be I" And lie blustered and bllour ,
And all through the city of Sioux ,
That man ralst-d n hullubullloux.
With madness enraged ,
llko a tiger uncaged ,
And roll upon Gentllu and Jioux ,
And as over the city of Sioux
Ho rushed , still tlio madder ho grloux ,
Till he fell In a lit ,
And his soul promptly It
Left his body sans further adleux.
Then the coroner's Jury of Sioux
Tholr verdict most solemnly drloux ,
"Uy dbeaso of the heart
Victim's life did depait"
You have heard the sud tale ; 1 am thrloux.
On Top of the Ioak.
Denver Republican : The signal ser
vice man on top of Pike's Peak keeps the
following in sight of all visitors :
No , It docs not got Jonosomo up hero.
Wo wish to heaven it would during the
tenderfoot reason.
The largo stove iu the confer of the
room was packed up on the backs of
burros.
Some days you can see Denver and
some days you can't. This is one of the
days you can't.
Sometimes the wind has blown at the
rate of 180 miles an hour , and somotimcs
it don't blow at all.
The temperature in winter Is generally
40 deg. below zero. If you happen to
llvo in Dakota or Minnesota don't make
disparaging remarks , as if that were very
sultry weather.
If you have over been on Mount Wash
ington don't tell any big stories about it ,
as wo have been there.
This is the meridian time of the seven
ty-fifth meridian , and it is twe hours
faster ttuui local tune.
Of course it suits us , and you are re
quested not tu exclaim in tones of uiuazo-
inotit.
Is this clock right ? You arc at least
the 14,831st person to ask the question.
An old fashioned Colt over the register
lias the following warning under it :
"This is for the person who writes al
leged poetry ; or maKes other bad breaks
ou the register. "
If you have had friends up hero any
time slnco the battle of Hunker Hill ,
please inquire for them. Of course wo
shall reniombor thorn perfectly.
The Villain Still Pursues.
"Look hero sir. "
Detroit Free Press : ,
no said at the chief olork's window in thu
pcwtoflio , "I've boon trying for half an
front-
door key will unlock his postoffico BOK. "
"Oh , yes , I see. Yes , that's it. I got
'cm mixed , of course. Hut look hero ,
sir. I want-It understood that I excuse
none of the shortcomings of the postoffico
department on this account not a single
one. "
Said the Ball to the Bag.
Cftteipo Jfutt.
At eve the beetle boomoth
Athwart the wheat Held lone ;
At noon the black fly hiimineth ,
feeding on stalks half grown ;
At night the chinch bug cotneth ,
And then the farmers groan.
But sweeter than the lute string
Is the big beetle's note.
And merrier than the lark's trill
The bum In that fly's throat ;
While on the blessed chinch bug
Tlio glad bulls fairly dote.
Boom on , oh , hungry beetle.
And scorch , oh , parching heat ;
And feed , ob , ravenous black flf ,
You must not cease to eat ;
And get then ; , merry chinch bug ,
To KVO us dollar wheat.
Ho Didn't Bur.
An Austin masher had just made the
acquantanco of a very stylishly dressed
young lady , and was promenading with
nor around the depot before the train
went out. A little street Arab came
along with flowers to sell , and said :
"Ploaso sir , will you buy a few of my
winter roses ? "
The masher turned to the young lady
and asked : "Will you accept a small
bouquet of these pretty flowers ? " Heforo
she could reply , the Arab up and said :
"Ah , yes , she will , I can tell you. She's
my sister , and don't dare to spoil the sale
ot flowers to a dude. " Iio never bought.
She Thnoht Naoht.
SomcrvUle Journal ,
He said as he sat In his yacht.
To the elrl whom he called "little tacht , "
"Come and sit In my boat
And away wo will float ; "
'No , thank you , " she said , "it's too hacht. "
Stranite Coincidence.
She was In the habit of reading the
"want" column in The Gazette , and ho
was in the habit of holding on to her
waist to steady her.
"Oh what a strange coincidence , " she
said.
said."What
"What is it ? " ho asked.
"Why , this advertisement says. 'Wan-
ted , a partnership. No reasonable oiler
wilt bo consldored unfavorable. ' "
"Well , what is there m that ? " ho
askod.
"Oh , nothing ; only that an advertise
ment should so porscctly express my sen
timents , " and she blushed as his arm
tightened around her. The wedding
will be next spring.
How Was The Game ?
Columbia Sunthiy Keics.
"OU , how was the game ? " was the anxious
_ cry
To a couple of men as they passed him by.
One turned and smiled as hu s\ld , "Oh fine I
'Twas as good as a glass of the mellowest
wine ! "
While the other said with a scowl and sneer ,
"The rottenest game that I have seen tills
year I"
They passed alone and the questioner said.
As his fat sides snook and his face grow red :
"There are many men of as many minds ;
There are many bets of as many kinds ;
But though men and wagers disagree ,
The mind and ttio purse are In sympathy. "
niB Narrow t&acnpe.
The Judge : "Did I-ever ; toll you ,
Dave/ " inquired I , "how near a dear
friend of mine -camo to running away
with an Irish girl ? "
"No , " Dave answered. "Did you
have u friend about to run off with one ? "
"Yos. "
"Wnll , why didn't ho , then ? "
"O ! another person ran away with
her. "
"Utit why didn't ho olopq first ? "
"Iio was unacquainted with her then , "
I replied , in an abscent-minded man
ner.
-
PEPPEUMINT DROPS.
The Iceman's smile Is talked of as a new
shade In summer fabrics.
Sign In a Chlcagodrug store : "Orandclear-
ng out sale of seldliez powders. "
It's great fun to see a young woman play
the piano and light files at the same time
Nothing can be more boundless than a true
woman's love except , perhaps , that same
woman's appetite.
A man with a wheelbarrow on the sidewalk
Is not very popular , but he generally carries
everything before him ,
lioston Post : A St Louis man has eaten
eleven restaurant pies at one sitting , and ,
strange to relate , survives.
People who want to know whether It Is
pronounced "neether" or "nythor" will find
If they investigate , that It Is neither.
The next time a convicted "boodler" says
he wants to take a bath the sheriff will prob
ably deem It safest to turn the hose on him
In his cell.
It Is claimed now that the telephone was
Invented In 1G.T5. It did not come Into gen
eral use , however , because the word "hello1'
was not invented until some yean after.
Down In Now Jersey the other dav a piano
was struck by lightning. It Is seldom In
deed that lightning exercises such benevo
lent discrimination In choosing its victims.
Clara Louise Hellos * says that singers
should have nine hours sleep every night
No ono will object to their Indulging them
selves to such an extent , If thev will only lot
their neighbors get a nap once In a while.
The man who can Invent some sort of mu
sic to go with the typo writer has a fortune
before him. The idea of wasting so much
motion Is all nbnsnnse. ( live us a machlnn
that can click off a dunning letter and
"White Wli'-ro" . * * ho same time.
A youngster iu a neignborlng town , who
had trone outon a pleasure trip by his father's
consent , suddenly broke out crying , and
when asked what the matter was , said :
"Mamma will whip mo. " An effort was
made to soothe him by explaining that as
lone as his father kneV be had como , hi ?
mother would not scold him for coming with
out saylmr anything to her about It This
hardly satisfied the little fellow , who whim
pered In reply , "Papa Isn't the boss ! "
RELIGIOUS.
Cardinal Newman contemplates publishing
a volume of autobiographical reminiscences
during the fall.
A minister In Somerset county , Maine , has
his sermons printed monthly and sends them
to these ot hfs parishoners who do not go to
church.
The i.ov. Dr. William O. Farrlncton has
retired from the editorship of the "Kplsconal
Church Almanac , " a position he has held for
the past twenty years.
Dr. DeSota Is Interested In the restoration
ot the festival of St , Mary Migdnleu to the
Episcopal prayer book. It Is now observed
as a fast by the White Cross crusade.
Itov. Dr. Henry M. bcudder has given In
Ills old church In San Francisco a farewell
lecture on Japan , preparatory to going to
that country tn speud the remainder of his
life.
life.It Is reported from Homo that the most
j < ov. John McEvllly. archbishop of Tuani ,
Ireland , will shortly be raised to thu cardinal-
ate. At the present time there Is no cardinal
attached In the Irish church.
The Wesleyan conference , now tn session
In Manchester , Is one of the largest which
lias over assembled. Application has been
made for about two thousand tickets for
ministers from various parts. Two hundred
representative laymen are also expected to be
present and to take part In the proceedings.
A number of new societies are springing
UP , and all In some way aim at the regenera
tion of the human race. Ono ot the latest is
called ( "The ChrlMalu Kingdom society , "
and Its avowed object is to unite Its members
In an "endeavor In all things to render faith
ful and loyal obedience to the spirit ot
Christ. "
At a meeting of the Episcopal parishes In
St. Louis Dr. Van de Water organized a
mission to be held In that city next advent
Father Osborne will conduct a noonday meet
ing for business men. Dr. Kalnsford will
nUo take part and Dr. Van de Water will
preach dally. In addition to organizing the
tne services In every Episcopal eburch In
New York city ,
JOLLITY UNDER DIFFICULTIES ,
i
The Acton * Retreat in Omaha and the Pro
ceedings *
CHASING THE "ROYAL DUCK. "
Hastllng tor Hash Bohemia In No-
braaka Street "Faking" Actors
A Reporter's Vlult to
Carious Crowd.
Tfco recent opening ot a variety theatre
in this city , the closing of another , and
the extremely hot weather , tins hnd the
effect not only of terminating the career
of nearly all the "Dramatic Snaps" tour
ing Nebraska , but has also brought to
Omaha a little colony of theatrical pee *
plo , all in amore or less impecunious
condition. They realize the fact that the
opening of the regular season is still
some live or six weeks ofT.and have made
up their miiula to spend that time in as
jolly n manner as their circumstances
will allow. Some are pretty well lined ,
while others are completely "broke , " but
with that good nature which ever has ,
and probably over will , characterize Bo
hemians , thny help each other , and the
city will bo none the worse elF for their
brief sojourn.
In all cities can bo found a few retired
professionals and others who from life
long association with ucto.'s consider
themselves such , and as "birds of a
feather flock together" the "colony" as it
is dubbed amongst themselves is thriving
rapidly.
Quito by accident a BEB reporter was
yesterday not only iiiiulo acquainted with
the foregoing facts , but also had the
pleasure of spending ah afternoon with
the principal character. The headquar
ters of these jolly Thespians is in a house
on Capitol avenue not a largo house ,
yet largo enough to hold a good many
when wo take into consideration the fact
that each room contains two largo biuls
and frequently two or morn cots. They
pay so much a week for the sleeping ac
commodation und then touse tlietr own
euphonious expression "hustle for the
liasli. " They have formed a sort of con-
jrcss of their own , have a president.com-
mittco of ways and means and hold a
meeting every afternoon in n semiserious
ous way , during which the events of the
previous day are reviewed. The presi
dent is a somewhat consumptive-looking
comedian , who by reason ot ill health is
not allowed to do any hustling. The
meetings are held in a yard behind the
house , where , seated unrter a couple of
trees , dressed In every variety of "negli-
ceo" costumes , they smoke , talk and
drink.
There was one individual , however ,
who , in spite of the heat , were a coat
buttoned and a high hat somewhat the
worse for wear , but still shiny. This
was the "legit" as he-Is called , a gentle
man who for the past thirty weeks has
been touring the country with a dramatic
company , playing standard tragedies
and classical dramas. According to re
port ho has played the stern Roman pa
rent so much that ho is gloomy oven in
private life , and it is only after repeated
libations of lager that ho unbends , and
oven then It Is with a kind of sardonic
smile that sends chills down the backs of
his friends. On such occasions after re
peated solicitations ho will give them "a
taste of his quality" by reciting the
Forum scene or Othello's famous speech.
lie is most unmercifully quizzed by the
rest for his pompous mode of speech , but
the quizzing troubles him not. Ho is
sublimely oblivious to all but Shakes
peare or Knowles.
On being introduced to the circle the
reporter was received by acclamation ,
the president remarking that the first
tluty of a guest was to "chase the
duck. " Not quite understanding this
expression , his attention was called
to a tin pail holdimr about
two quarts which had been passed from
month to mouth , until it hail been
emptied. With a sorrowful sigh the re
porter drew from his pocket his last half
dollar and hundod it to ttio president
who directed a llttlu Dutch comedian ,
with a face as round as an apple , to
"chase" and tn bring the change in
"piinpstlcks" ( cigarettes ) . In duo time
the little follow returned with the beer
and aflur the can had bean "guoged , "
which was done with a stick kept for the
purpose in order to prevent tho.so who
fetched the buor from imbibing on the
wtty , the business of the day com
menced. The roll was called and three
of their number reported absent. The
first was a gentleman known an "Gaily
Gus , " a well known comedian who has
played engagements all over the cotintr.y.
His absence was explained by the presi
dent , who stated that Gus had made a
small stake , borrowed a BuITalo Hill hat
and a cowboy shirt and had the previous
evening walked to Council Hlull's. The
license for street faking there was only
| 1.50 , and ho intended trying his
persuasive eloquence on the people
of that city. Ho had somehow
gotten hold of a receipt for a razor-paste
and had made-a couple of dozen boxes.
They stood him nearly a cent a box. Ho
was conlident of boin able to obtain 15
cents each for them , in which case ho
would return to Omaha to-day. This
explanation gave satisfaction and nearly
all present iavo it as their opinion that
Gus would succeed , as ho "had gall
enough for anything. "
The next absentee was known as
"Charlie , the Kid. " A friend of his arose
nnd sc.id that Charlie was giving a mon-
loguo entertainment at an opera house
on South Tenth street. In answer to in
terrogations ho could not say at what
time the curtain rose or whether there
was a curtain. Ho knew thorn was a
piano and a bar ; there were also card
tables there. Charlie's duties were to sit
for company from 3 to 5 and 7 to 13 p. in.
during which time ho would probably
sing from fifteen to twenty songs and ru-
coivo as compensation for the
same the sum of $1.50. The
third absentee just then made his
appearance , and , throwing down a
liberal "donation to the duck , "
acquamtalnted the company with
the fact that ho hail that
day endeavored to earn his living by
canvassing , iio had been to a well-
known" manufacturing firm of this city
who had promptly furnished him with
an eight-day clock and a hearth-rug as
samples , lie was to SJll thcso articles
on the installment plan. On dollar
down and the remainder at fifty cents
per week. With the rug over his shoul
der and the clock under his arm
ho had conn from house
to house without , however , being
able to effect a alu. Hot , tired and
dusty , ho Y.T.5 about to return to town in
disgust , when the merry laugh of child
ren rang upon his cars. Snatches of song
and the sound of a piano were wafted
across the road to where ho was stand
ing. Then some one attempted Fritz
Kmraott'i "Cuckoo" song. This \vas
rooro than ho could stand. Ho hastened
across to the house , and , putting down
the rug and clock , sang the song as ho
had hundreds of times done before the
footlights. The blinds were drawn ; ho
was invited inside , sang three or four
songs , and upon leaving was presented
by the mother of the children with a two
dollar bill. Ho had taken back the rug
and clock to the owners , feeling con
vinced that canvassing was not his forte.
After the "duck" had been "chased" a
couple of times , the president Inquired
whether anything of Importance had
transpired during the previous day ;
whereupon , a' slim , close shaved young
man ( evidently & female impersonator )
rose and Raid thnt ho had discovered a
Joint on Farnara street where every
morning at 10 o'clock they gave a free
lunch of troup , meat and potatoes with
each glass of boor. The address wai
taken , and the president proposed that a
deputation should wait upon the proprie
tor with a view to having the luncheon
time fixed for later in the day , as it was
ridiculous to think of arilng at the tin *
earthly hour of 10 a. m. mcrolv for the
sake of a free lunch ; especially when
their friend Hlggins sot sandwiches on
his bar until latoIn tiio evening. At this
the "legit" arose nnd In a molo-dramatio
way asked the prosldunt to boycott Hlg-
gins. "I have , " ho said , "at various times
wasted my substance at that establish
ment , but I have determined never to do so
again. Yesterday I went there and
called for a otoln ot beer , paid
my nlckol and tackled the lunch.
1 had finished my seventh sandwich and
was reaching for another one , when that
big bartender with the diamond pin , act *
iially asked mo whether I wouldn't like
a knife , fork , plate , and a napkin. "
Amidst a shower of laughter the propo
sal was negatived.
It would bo impossible to repeat hero
half the jokes , rallcry , and witticisms
that characterized this "feast of humor
and How of beer. " ns hour after hour
sped along and the cool of the evening
began to Go appreciated. When at last
no single individual cared or was able to
chase the duck'a subscription was taken
up nickels and postage stamps being
frequently contributed. Suddenly a tall ,
powerful man of about fifty came strid
ing up the yard , accompanied by a beau
tiful sky tcrrior. "Hoys , " saia ho , "I'm
going to Lcadvilla to-night and have
como to say good-byo. " It was Fernan
do , or as ho is generally called "Pap"
Fleming , a character artist of good stand
ing. Formerly a well-known opera
bouflb artiste ho has of late taken to the
variety theaters and is a great favorite
out west. "Good-byo Tap , " came from
all. "Remember mo to Laura Lo Clalr
said another. "Try and fix me for a
couple of weeks at Denver , " said a third.
"When I do my full specialty I knock
everybody cold. " "I wish you'd do It
here then. " "Ratsl" "Chestnuts ! " "You
never got a square encore in your life , "
and similar remarks rattled around.
"Mr. Henry , " said the "legit. , " "do mo
a favor. I am told that what the Load-
vlllo people really want is the classics.
Present my compliments to Mrs. Lo Clair ,
and tell her that with proper support I
will plav Virgiuius at her theatre ( seven
nights and two matinees for $33. ) "Vir-
ginlus ! " said the consumptive president ,
"you tell her that I'll fco on the end ,
put on a middle act , do a specialty and
put on an after piece for $40. That's
about what she wants. Well , gqod-byo , "
and amongst a chorus of hearty favorites ,
Henry and his dog wended their way.
A consultation among the finance
committee resulted in the discovery that
the funds were exhausted , and as the re
porter did not care about contributing
any more to the "duck , " the meeting was
about to adjourn , when a cheery voice
was hoard. 'Golly Gus , ' by Josh , "
exclaimed everybody , and the reporter
turned his head , naturally anxious , to see
the man of gall. The individual were a
broad-brimmed slouch hat and a flannel
shirt , a pair of very old dress pants and
patent leather shoes. It was certainly a
curious make up , and was , no doubt ,
worn on purpose to excite comment. In
answer to a hundred inquiries , Gus
twisted his mustache , threw his sombrero
in the air , announced that his expedi
tion had bnon a success , and drawing a
$5 bill from his pocket waved it in the
air , shouting as ho did so : "Tho 'world is
mine. " Amid the roar that followed few
heard Mr. Legit , in disgusted tones , say :
"He's a liar ; it's Brooks & Dicksons. "
Wishing this jolly crow every success ,
and thanking thorn for a pleasant after
noon , the reporter withdrew , but hopes ,
cro lone , to have another good time with
thcso harmless , jolly Bohemians of
Omaha.
HDUOATIONAU
In Illinoisflicro are moro colleges than In
the whole of Europe , and one collwo in Ku-
rope lias moft'students than the v hole state
ot Illinois. i
Dr. Cogswell proposes to found a poly
technic school In San Francisco , that shall
be obcn to ally boy or irlrl In California. Ho
will endow It v/\\\\ \ \ \ property worth SlOOQOUO.
Miss Aminta Kainsny. a daughter of Sir
James Kamsay , the Scotch baronet , took first
honors in the classical course at Uirton col
lege , Cambridge , England. She was the only
student of eUnor sex to pass In the arst di
vision , anil was loudly chreied by her com
petitors when Imrrank was announced. Her
ago Is twenty years. ,
The Concdrd philosophers are engaged in
tlmlr annual attempt to grasp the Idea of In
finity. If they have not forgotten their al
gebra they oucht to know that Infinity Is
nothing but a llgnro 8 lying on Its side. That
Is as near they or anybody olsu will ever
come to L-rasp Ing the Idea , and tlioy might as
well accept the situation.
President Laughlln will sever his connec
tion with Hiram college at commencement
June 1G , and President Wooloy , the new
president , will assume the duties of his of-
iicu In September next. It Is Intcri'stlng to
observe that Professor Laughlln will go from
Hiram to till the chair of ancient languages
at ( inrllt'ld university , Wichita , Kan.
Mills college , the Wellesley of the Pacific
slope , was thu recipient of a gift of 550,000 ,
endowing a chair of mental and moral Phil
osophy , from Mis. Susan L. Mills , at the
lust commencement. The chair will bo
called the MarK Hopkins chalrof philosophy.
Tills makes a total of 5210,000 which Dr.
Mills and his wifn have given this line Insti
tution for the education of women ,
The university of Kings colloee , Windsor ,
Nova Scotia , Is the oldest of all the British
North American colleges. The royal charter
under which it was founded In 17SSexplicitly
provides that Its aradomtc.il habits shall be
the same as thosu of the university of Ox
ford. .And Its cncenla is conducted eveiy
year with all the pomp and circumstance of
an Oxford onrcnla. The Key. Dr. Isaac
Brock , Oxford , Is the provident.
The advisability of adopting a distinctive
dress for the students of the university of
Pennsylvania has been under consideration
forsome time past by the authorities of that
Institution. It is proposed that each student
shall wear a garb by which It can bo readily
seen which department ho attends , and
whether he ho an undergraduate or a gradu
ate. The matter was recently put into the
hands of a committed whoso proposition has
been fully approved by the trustees and pro
fessors ot the university.
The colleen of William and Mary at Wll-
llamsburg , Va. , the oldest college In the
whole country exceptlm ; Harvard , having
been founded In K/.H by royal grant. It
flourished Immensely during the succeeding
century , supported by the Virginia l ( ihia
turo and private endowments , and utider Its
roof were trained some of the bitchiest In
tollects of the land. Then > : , s Jefferson
James Madison. James Monroe. Poyton Kan-
dolph , John Tyler , John Marshall , and four
of the signers of the declaration were among
its j'.rr.duates. But Its decline began long ago
the most ot Its remaining property was de
stroyed during thu civil war , and the vcnor-
able Institution which nurtured the rovolu
tloimry statesmen , which commlsslonei
Georco Washington as a civil engineer , am
to which ho L-HVP his last public service a1
chancellor , has now only one "nrotessor"
and not a single student. Its halls are do
ecrted.
SUMMER COMPIiAINTH.
Dotrolt Free Press : There Is something
curious about sunstrokes In Ohio this sum
inor. Every .time a man is struck he takes
all the money 4n the house and sneaks off
and sometimes ho Is found several hundrct
miles uway and just married to anothu
woman.
Kingston Freeman : Country roads these
days am made beautiful by the many wild
roses that grow along them. The road kno wi
as Lucas turnpike Is rich with a profusion o
wild roses. It is almost one continual bet
of roses for miles uftcr crossing the line o
the town of Hurley.
Springfield Union : Wo never knew o
anybody that was hurt by a rlpo watermelon
and never saw anybody that could point ou
any person who was willing to Bay that he
ever knew or heard any one remark that he
knew ot a person's being cognizant of auy
'cue's being narmt'J li > a ripe watermelon.
IN TOE ELECTRIC FIELD ,
The Electric Hallway in The East Boston
Sugar Works.
RULES FOR POLES AND WIRES.
On the Theory of the Tclophono The
Electric Light Afloat Execution
by Electricity Possibilities ror
the Fluid.
Jew York Rules for Polo * and Wires.
The Now York board of electrical con-
rol on July 15 , adopted the following
rules governing the erection of telegraph
and telephone poles and wires which had
been approved by General Newton ,
commissioner of public works :
No two lines of poles shall bo on the
same side of any street or avenue.
No two lines of poles bearing comluo-
ors for similar electrical service shall bo
on any street or avenue.
Electric light poles shall bo of iron , at
east 20 feet in height , with a diameter of
not moro than eight inches at the base ,
and having cross arms of wood , with
glass , porcelain or rubber insulators.and .
tainted a uniform color.
Poles for telegraph , telephone and
other similar wires shall bo at least sixty
eet in height.
Poles shall bo placed upon the side
walk , as near the curb as possible , and no
lolo shall be placed within ten feet of
my lamp post "or other polo.
All existing regulations of the local
authorities m regard to the placing of
) olos and stringing of wires are to con'
innc in forco.
All wires shall bo fastened upon poles
or other fixtures with glass , porcelain or
rubber insulation.
No wires shall bo stretched within one
loot of any polo without being attached
o the same with glass , porcelain or rub-
jer insulation.
No wires shall bo fltretohed within
twenty feet of thn grounder within4 feet
of any building , except when attached
; hereto with class , rubber or porcelain
nsulation.
No arc electric light or power wires
shall bo stretched ovnr any part of any
iiouso or othnr building.
The companies pr'persons owning or
controlling poles in any street or avenue
shall allow the same to bo used by other
companies or persons operating conduc
tors for similar electrical service when
iiutoori/cd so so do by the board on ten
der of proper compensation , to be deter
mined by agreement between the com
panies or persons interested. In default
of such agreement , the amount of oom-
pensation shall be determined by the
board. This rule imposes a contract on
the part of each company or person own
ing or controllinc the poles in any street
or avenue , not only with the Doard , but
also with each company or person who
shall under its terms bo qualified to de
mand the privilege it confers.
All permits of "the board for overhead
wires and fixtures are granted only pend
ing tlio providing of underground accom
modations in , ttio neighborhood of the
streets or avenues for which the permit
is granted.
Any member or ofllcor of the board ,
and every inspector employed by It , as
cvcrv member of the police force of the
city.'shall bo entitled to examine permits
under which work of any kind is being
uouo.
No permit shall bo granted for the
erection of any overhead structure nor
for the renewing of any lines already ex
isting in any street , avenue or highway
in which underground iiccommodrtions
for the service have been provided or are
being provided.
All poles now standing or to be here
after ereotml shall bo branded or stamped
with the initials of the company owning
them , at a point not less than live or
moro than seven foot from the street sur
face.
face.Wiien an old polo is taken down it
must bo removed from the street the same
day.
day.Now poles must not bo brought upon
the street moro than two days in ad
vance of their erection.
Any polo that shall bo on the street
moro than two days shall bo removed by
the bureau of iiiciinibraiicea of the de
partment of public works at the expense
of 'tho party owniug it.
AH electrical companies or persons
having poles in the public streets shall
give a bonii to the city , In a reasonable
amount , to bo determined in each case
bv the board , conditioned for the pay
ment of the cost of renewing dangorsus
and abandoned poles , and also for the
payment of the expense of restoring the
sidewalks and pavements where the same
have been disturbed or injured in consequence -
quonco of the erection or removal of any
poles owned by them.
The violation of any of the rules and
regulations of the board shall operate
ipso facto as a revocation of the permit
hold by the company or person guilty of
violation.
The Klcctrlo Hallway.
Electrical World : The case and slight
expense at which an electric railway can
bo operated in largo works already pro
vided with u dynamo for electric lighting
is well shown in the venture recently
carried out In the East lioston sugar ro-
lini-rv at East Boston. This reiinory ,
which is the largest in Now England , is
situated about 1,300 feet from the docks
where the raw sugar is unloaded from
the ships. Formerly the hogsheads and
bags were loaded on a railroad truck
drawn by horses , the work boiug such as
to tax the animals very severely and ne
cessitating frequent changes.
As the refinery is provided with a UiO-
li ht Edison plant , it was determined to
put in an electric ralhvay , and the in
stallation was undertaken by the Sprague
Electric Railway and Motor company of
this city.
The rollir.f ; stock consists ot two flat
cars , one , of which carries the motor of
fifteen norsu power at its forward end ,
to'jjtithor with a raised platform , upon
which are placed tlio regulating and re
versing switches.
The cars are capable of taking a load
of twelve hogsheads , cqiiivolout to 30,000
ponnils. The current is taknn from the
lightning dynamo and led to the motoi
from an.ovorhead wire and trolley , the
track being nsed on the return.
With the electric railway thn work of
transferring can bo done in one-fourth
the limo formerly required with horses ;
and although ships are constantly unload
ing at the docks the limiting capacity ol
the railway to handle the work has not
yet been reached.
Tlio motor operates without noise and
although the track is always in bad con
dition , being Invariably covered will
sugar and molasses , no difllciiHy In opor
allen has yet been experienced. Another
interesting feature is the fact that tha
thus far no appreciable Increase In coa
coimimptlon duo to the operation of the
electric railway in connection with the
light has been noticed.
On thn Theory of tlio Tclophono.
London Electrical Review : In a for
mer paper on the theory of tlio telephone
I think I showed that the magnctl' '
diaphragm of this apparatus is animated
by two different kinds of movements
which nro superposed. One kind con
sistt of the movements of resonance
which are molecular and independent o
the outward form ; it is these that enable
the diaphragm to transmit and reproduce
all sounds , a characteristic property tha
ought to bavo been expressed in the ver ;
name of the telephone by calling it pan *
olophono. The others are harmonic
movements and are transversal , corro-
pondlng to the fundamental sound and
no harmonica of the diaphragm , and do *
tondlng on its elasticity , form and struc-
urot the former are prejudicial to the
clear transmission of music and speech ,
or they alter the tlmbro , thn harmonics
only coinciding by the merest chance
vttii these oi the voice or instruments
low in use.
In order to place beyond a doubt the
existence and superposition of these two
kinds of movements , 1 endeavored to
make the one predominate over the
otbor at will in the same diaphragm ,
I'hls was effected by means of the fol-
owing method , which I invented m 11391 ,
and have merely simplified since :
1. The diaphragm of any telephone is
) laccd In conditions favorable to Its vi-
> rating transversely freely , and in such
a manner as to enable the division into
lodal lines corresponding to a detonrf-
nod given sound to bo produced. For
his purpose , instead of the dlaphratrm
> olng iixed at its edges , as is generally
ho case , it is simply placed as near as
) ossiblo to the polo of the electro-magnet
on a sufllclcut number of points of a
nodal lino.
If it is a rectangular diaphragm , it is
ilacod upon two rectilinear supports
ioincidlng with the two nodal lines of
ho fundamental sound. If it is a circtt-
ar diaphragm , thrco apertures are made ,
rom two to throe millimeters in diame *
or at the angles of an equilateral trian
gle inscribed in the clroumforonco which
constitutes the nodal line of the first
larmoulo , and the disk is laid on throe
points of cork placed In a corresponding
nanner on a fixed straw and penetrating
nto the apertures.
This bolng done , lot us introduce into
.ho bobbin of the apparatus a series o
currents of very low Intensity , and grad
ually decreasing period ; for example.
proceeding from the emission of musical
sounds before any transmitter whatever ,
either telephonic or radiophonio. Then
the telephonic rocolvor , modified as al
ready described , only vibratos apprecia
bly under the action of the currents
whoso period is equal to that of the
corresponding sound at the nodal line on
which the diaphragm rests , a sound
which I will term particular' special ;
t is no longer pan-tolophonic , it Is mono-
tclophonic , and may therefore bo called a
niotiQ-tolophono.
This result is not absolute. In reality the
liaphragm sounds some sub-harmonics
of the special sound corresponding to the
( ixod nodal line ; but luoir Intensity U
comparatively very low ; ami besides , the
liaphragm reproduces somewhat lower
or nighor in ponod than the special
sound , but the extreme interval between
.heso sounds in very small , and does not
generally exceed one or two commas.
These reservations are similar to those
that have to bo made in connection with
resonators in acoustics. Likewise the
kind ot analysis that a mono-telephone
makes of what we may term the electro
magnetic waves is analogous to that
made of the sound waves by a resonator.
[ u fact , if we communicate to them a
series of successive or simultaneous
waves of different periods , each of them
selects in a certain dcgrco that of the
particular sound that corresponds to its
geometrical form , and to the conditions
m which it is placed , and greatly
strengthens it. The mono- telephone might
thus uo termed an electro-magnetic
resonator.
. In the arrangement wo have just de
scribed the transverse movements pre
dominate , and it is easy to see the elfect
that they would have in an ordinary tele
phone ; for if wo try to reproduce , by
moans of a mono-telephone , articulate
speech spoken into a transmitter , either
wo hear scarcely anything If tlio particu
lar sound of the apparatus is not within
thoscaloof the human voice ( from the
second to the fourth C ) orolse.iu the con
trary case , wo only hear sounds modified
In quality and miilllcd articulations , the
whole being drowned , as it were , in the
sonorousness of the special sound every
time It occurs.
Hut It is very easy to produce the op ,
posito effect , viz : to make the molecular
movements of resonance predominate
over the transvorsa ones , and thus ren
der the mono-telephone pan telephonic
and make it reproduce all sounds with
the same intensity and articulate speech
with clearness.
To do this it is sufllciont to place obsta
cles In the way of the transverse har
monic vibrations by lightly fixing the
edges of several points of the diaphragm :
for example , by placing the fingers ou it
in a certain manner.
The most simple way of performing
the experiment is as follows :
Wo rcccivo into the mono-telophono
various successive or * simultaneous
sounds , among which is the special sounder
or articulate speech at about the pitch of
sound. Wo place our ear to the dia
phragm ; while it is a certain distance
away , or at the most just brushing it , we
hear only the special sound ; but as wo
apply the ear to the diaphragm moro
closely , the special sound becomes weaker
and weaker , and at last wo hoar all
sounds with equal intensity and articu
late speech without any appreciable
alteration of quality. By this very simple
method wo cause the movements of re
sonance to predominate over the trans
verse ones , and give to the apparatus
the pMi-tclophonio property possessed
by the ordinary telephone with fixed
diaphragm.
In a future paper I will return to the
construction of the olcctro-matrnotic resonator
senator and its applications.
The Uloc trie LluhtV.Iont. .
Electrical World : Now and special
uses for the olectrio light on board men-
of-war arc being found. A recent plan
is to ph\eo an arc light at each end of the
ship , and converge their beams on the
distant object. . The angles made by the
beams with tlio base lines are observed ,
and a simple trigonometrical formula
gives the distance of the object. To facil-
tate the operation , the shipcan be brought
round till the angels are equal , or ap
proximately , and a table can bo used to
give the result. In the French navy
strings of incandescent lamps on the
yard-arms have been used of late to con
voy messages by moans of flashing In ao <
cordanco with the Morsoand other codes
It is easy to read the Hashes at a consid
erable distance. The extent to which
olectrio lights are now used for navu
purposes is shown in the fact that the
English admiralty has tccently con
traded for no fewer than thirty-eight
sets of dynamos and engines.
Roaiullnnvla and Switzerland.
Electric lighting was recently Introduced
ducod at the Central railway station ,
Gliribtina , very successfully , involving a
loss to the gas works of $10,000 a year
In Christina , tlio gas works are ciu
property , and tlio corporation Is now
going in for an electric light plant of its
own. Thu Htoamor running alone the
west coast of Norway have been lilted up
witli Edison installations. In Stockholm
the leading theatre is now lighted by
electricity , and the city of Gothenburg
Sweden , is to have US blrcuU lighted by
electricity.
It is stated that the use of water-power
in Switzerland tor electric lighting pur
poses is greatly on the inctoaso. Olio o
the latest installations of the kind is tha
of Englobcrg.wherc a Schuokort machine
capable of running 000 lights is now sup
plying ! 100 Suuiions 101 and 103 volt in
candescent lumps and fivu are lamps o
1,000 candle power each are also in use
Kxcoutioii Ry Electricity.
l\lr. \ Park Hoiijiniiln , in a recent ntun
bor of the Forum , disoUsscd the -.subjoc
of execution by electricity , In the coun > o
of which ho dwelt very forcibly on th
effect that the parrying out of the doat !
penalty by electricity will have * * mi th
Ho Huiil ' 'From
popular imagination. :
the very earliest ages superstition ! el
almost every conceivable form and character
actor have clustered about the llghtnlift
stroke , and many of them still survive.
It Is not dlfllcult to conceive that the la *
slant extinction of life In a strong man
by an ngonoyit Is Impossible to scowhich
is unknown , may create In the ianoramt
mind feelings of the deepest awe nuil
horror , and prove the most forcible of all
means for preventing crime. "
Klnotrlcnl i'OMlb.llttca.
Uufl'alo Courier : A company has beet
formed iu Pittsburg for propelling ear.
rlages bv moans of electricity taken from'
an overhead wire , as street cars are ;
already In many cities. As soon as thfl *
system proves a success it is likely to be
adopted In Uutl'alo , the asptalt pavomonM '
of which will oiler great advantages. It
takes from three to four times as much
power to run a carriage on a stone block j
pavement as on rails. So fast has pro *
gross been made In experiments with
electricity that careful tests show that M.
per cent oft ho power put into a rooter
cau bo made available ; a steam engines
gives forth only 15 per cent ot the value
of the coa I burnou. When storage bat
teries h.wo been made much lighter than
they now are tlioy can be used for driving
carriages , instead of overhead wires , ana
they can be charged by means of wind
mills and water power. Thus every
farm house may como in time to be sup
plied by means of such devices , not only
with water but also with light and power
for driving wogons and farm machinery.
But long before that time thn horse oar
will have given place in our cities to the
electrically driven street car. It is to
electricity and not to cable systems that
tlio Buffalo street car company is looking
for relief from subjugation to the whim *
of the horso.
SINGULARITIES.
A rattlesnake being pelted with stones bj ;
a Washington territory boy , treed him In
peach tree and kept him there for two hours.-
A small rattlesnake was recently found IB
a mall pouch when It was unlocked at Mor
row's station , near Forsyth , Co. Uow It got
there Is a mystery.
A blooded horse In Piukcrsburir. West
Virginia , came suddenly upon some strolling
Savoyards and their performing bears Urn
other evening , and was so frightened that
he roared and then fell dead.
A circuit preacher In Georgia , who lias a
wife and live children , and who frequently
walks llftccn miles to deliver a sermon , re
ceives a salary of S200 a year , while Buffalo
Bill Is hobnobbing with tlio queen and the
royal family , and doing them to the tiura of
810,000 a day.
A Texas negro was recently struck by
lightning and killed. In Ids pockets were
found two horseshoe luasncts , two copper
cents that had melted together , a nlckol that'
was partly melted and stuck to his watch ,
and the nickel rim around his money purse
was also molted.
UNIONVIM.B , Mo. , July 20. Daring tne
past few weeks a little girl of U. W. Brad-
shaw , of Kichland township , this county.has
been In the habit of taking food from the
table and going out Into a field neartlid bouse
and feeding a rattlesnake which had made
its abode lu a stump. A few days ago the
child remarked to her mother that she had >
pet snake in a stump , and she was going out
to feed it. The mother thought the child
only jesting , but as soon as the reptile bad
swallowed its meat It followed the little one
Into ttie house , where It was Instantly killed
by the mother. This proved almost to be a
wrong act , for thn reason that the child was
taken violently sick , and had spasms for several - ,
oral hours afterwards , and was frequented
with them for several days. Thn physicians
think uow , however , that the child will re
cover after a f w weeks' treatment. This Is a
cose In which It Is said the reptile had
"charmed" the human boiug , and tlin death
of the serpent came near proving fatal to Its
subject.
The Terre Haute madstonn , which has a
record ot ninety years in one family , has been
applied In two cases In the last low days.
James Walker , of Irvine's station , III , ,
brought hss little girl , who had boon severely
bitten by a doc supposed to bo mad. The
stone would not adhere and this was consid
ered conclusive evidence that no virus had
entered the child's blood , especially as the
teeth passed through her clothing. Miss
Hoover , of Newman , III. , was bitten by a'
dog that died trom rabies. Other Hogs bitten
by this dog died In the same manner. Miss
Hoover was torrlbly lacerated. Two days
after being bitten the stone was applied and
adhered fourteen hours to the llcsh near one
nf thn wounds. It turned a dark color and
fell off. By the use of sweet milk its norm
were punted of the virus , and being applied
again It adhered ton hours and again two
hours. Miss Hoover Is uow rapidly recover
ing. In the hundreds of cases on record of
Its use there Is none of the death of a person
\vheu the stone adhered to the flesh.
BIRD'S MUSTS.
Auburn Dispatch : A pair of swallows
hava built a nest In one nf the electric lights
of Oshkosh , WIs. , and have hatched six
young ones. The nest Is directly under the
bowl which In placed over the light , and but
a few Inches from the light.
New York Sun : In repairing the Presby
terian church In lioopeston , 111. , the steeple
which had long been a homo for the English
sparrows , was cleaned out The straw tbat
the birds had carried into the steeple fet
nests amounted to nearly enough to flit *
wagon box.
Chicago News : Mulcahey was dend : The
following brief but pointed scrap of conver
sation was heara the other day on a South
llalsteau street car : " ( ! oed mornln' , Mn ,
McCarthy. " "Good mornln , ' Mrs. Mulcaher.
and how'fl Air. MulcahoyV" "He's dead ,
thank you. "
Hoxawattainlo Herald : John Ellis , of
WiMlainsiiort , Pa. , tins a very Intelligent
crow. Whenever he sees the dog dining he
sneaks up behind ( and grabs his tall. Tits
dog wheels around , when tlio crow snatches
up the coveted food and Is Instantly out of
reach. The crow ha ! ) built Us nest 111 au old
hat.
hat.Augusta
Augusta , Me. , Journal : An Augusta
younx man recently purchased two paint of
thoroughbred carrier pigeons , and one day ,
when taking his horse to pasture In Sidney ,
carried one of the birds along. On arriving
at his destination , MX miles away , he 11 ber
ated the pigeon. One hour and a quarter
was required for it to reach the city , and
patient young man at tlm Augusta end of the
route stood all this time with stop watch Itt
hand , scanulnc the heavens for the winged
messenger. The bird walked home.
Towamla ( Pa. ) Heporter : The courage of
birds In dulending their nests was forcible
Illustrated l > y a pair of robblns at Marshlicld ,
In Tioga county , the old day. A muutndlnK
cat saw tlin birds In a pear tree , and climbing
up toward the nest made preparations for tt
game biuakfast. Tint bids did not fly and did
not wait to bo attacked , but before the cat
reached the nest both attacked their feline
enemy , and wiih fluttering wings and sharp
beaks drove grimalkin , sore faced and dig-
comlitcd to thu ground.
Wide Awake : Some years ago a Scotch
naturalist wished to obtain a gull , fired at a
flock just Issuing from their nests , breaking
tlin wing of one , which came fluttering down ,
falling I nto the ocean. At nrst the flock
were demoralized and flow wildly about , ut
tering harsh cries , but a moment later they
deemed to bo recalled to a wnso of duty by
the struggle * of their woundud comrade , and
two blids darted down , bt'lzed It by.Jho lips
of its wtnits , then rose and bore It away lu
triumph ; for , as mav bo mipposcd , the natur *
aliit did not lire , but ipci milted the re c.ue.
Hero was friendship. Indeed licrohfm , In
fact as the other birds alarmed by tha fire
faced tlio saim * danger.
HAI/T roll I'-ltlOSU YOUTH.
New Orleans Picayune : A young man
mint learn to speak for himself , and for his
glil , If he gets one.
lioston Transcript : The susceptible youth
Is Ilkua ii'osqulto. Thi'io Is little hope for
him after he guts mashed.
Haittoid Sunday Journal : Nnvur make
sheep's nyes at a young lady who In possessed
of a big bi other. He might lamb you.
Voukers Statesman : Mis , Yeast does not
iimluisland wlieni all the ' 'rising" young
men keep tlinmielviH. Him de.elaro * that she
never finds them In the .street cars. ;
PitUburg DlAutch | : Few young men
want to have It wild that th y are trying to
innrry for money , but many of thuin are
moic than willing to love homo rich girl to )
herself nlonc ,
Uostori Umler : Whore IB the perfect wean
an exchange. If you nr vcrj
.anxious to know , jtnt ask th yomig man
who for the first ttino In lus ilfe is over head
and nan la luve. ,