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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (July 31, 1887)
THE OMAHA DAHLY BEEt SUNDAY , .TUMV'81.l887. . TVVELTE PAGES. 11 hOME SUMMER PLEASANTRIES A Priond to Humanity Who Vows to "Bwat'em. " ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPELLED. On Top of the Peak Tlio Villain. Still Panmem Her Ha didn't Bay Uls Narrow Escape Strange Co-lncldonce. I'd Swat * 'Km , SI.tiui Globe. I've a list of fellows In my mind , Whose acts arouse ray Ire. And I'd swat 'em , you can bet , I'd swat 'em you can bet. If I couldn't do the Job myself , some other man I'd hire , To swat 'em all , yon bet , to swat 'em all , you bet. There's the man who claims , when he gets left , the weather will be cold , And the dude , the ladles pet , I'd swat him , yon can bet. And the drummer and the screecher of the Gospel Army fold , I'd 'em bet I'd swat 'em too swat , too , you , , , you bet And the "beto nolr" , ot the Irish cause , the nirrow-intnded tory , And the idiot so easily reminded of a story , And the men or women , either , whom the festive gum doth chew , And the nuisance who enquires , "Is It hot enough for you ? " And the man at party , ball or hop , who dances every set , I'd swat him. you can betI'd swat him , don't There's "Citizen" and "Verltas" and 'Jus tice" and the rest , Whose names you've often met , I'd swat 'em , you can bet All agents , book and lightning rod too , every homo a pest ; I'dnwat'cm , you can bet , I'd swat 'em "sans" regret. And the man who thinks that evrry club Is poor but his own team. Anil thn organ crank who mars , each day , the sunlight of your dream. And the crowd who always manage at a show , to come In late. And that singular anomaly , the walking del egate. All people who on slight pretexts find fault and fume and fret I'd swat'om you can bet I'd swat 'em hard , you bet. There's the drummer who , when soiling goods , puts on a big per cent , And says ho sells them net , I'd swat him , you can bet. And the landlord who , in Erin's Isle , extorts excessive rent I'd him bet I'd swat him swat , you can , you can bet. And the man who tries to turn each word you sav Into a pun , And the clergyman who ventures , "one word moro and Pin done. " All people who enjoy ( ? ) themselves each dimmer at the lakes , The while wo know they're pestered with musqultoes , bugs and snakes. All these and many others 1 could meet without regret , And swat 'em you can bet , and swat 'em yon can bet M. J. if. "Swat A knock-out blow delivered on the Jugular. A. Hard Set-Baok. Detroit Free Press : There were a half do/on of us sitting around the depot at Verbena , Ala , , when an old darky , evi dently just in from the plantation after 'baccy or groceries , hove in sight. "Now , boys , " said the colonel as we all remarked the old man , "you keep still and I'll scare the old nigger out of a year's trrowth. With that he called to Sambo and the old man came up , doited hia hat and asked what was wanted. "I'm General D. Erastus Longfellow , and have boon sent down hero by the United States government to look up the marriage cortiiicatcs of colored pooplo. Have you pot yours with yout" "N-no. sah/ "You havn'tl Then it is at the house ? " "N-no , sah. " "What ! Have you no marriage cer tificate to show ? " "Deed I haven't , sah. " "Thou sir , let mo inform you that the penalty is five years in state prison ! Did you lese your certificate ? " "Reckon not , sah. , "Novor hnd ono ? " "Nobbor. " "Groat snakcjs ! but it will eo hard with you , Undo Muses I I halo to tear you from your family and send you to prison for the rest of your days , but duty must bo obeyed. No certificate of marriage , never had ono , and 1 don't suppose you can remember who married your" "No. sah , I can't. " "E IMuribus Umim ! But won't you catch HI Where and when were you married ? " "Nowhar , sah ! Nebber got mar'd 'tall. Allus dun bin what you white folks call an old bach haw I bawl haw ! " English as She ls Spelled. O , SIUOUX. You have heard of the city of Sioux , The lovellest'over you knloux ; And the following tale , I am sure , can not fall To be road with emotion by yloux. To this bustling young city ot Sioux , Came a scion of Albion trfoux : When the name was pronounced , In his learning ho flounced , And at once In a passlou ho flloux. "Now , tell mo , O people of Sioux I" He shouted , "what can a man dloux ? As 'tis spoiled , so wo say it , And that Is the way It Should be I" And lie blustered and bllour , And all through the city of Sioux , That man ralst-d n hullubullloux. With madness enraged , llko a tiger uncaged , And roll upon Gentllu and Jioux , And as over the city of Sioux Ho rushed , still tlio madder ho grloux , Till he fell In a lit , And his soul promptly It Left his body sans further adleux. Then the coroner's Jury of Sioux Tholr verdict most solemnly drloux , "Uy dbeaso of the heart Victim's life did depait" You have heard the sud tale ; 1 am thrloux. On Top of the Ioak. Denver Republican : The signal ser vice man on top of Pike's Peak keeps the following in sight of all visitors : No , It docs not got Jonosomo up hero. Wo wish to heaven it would during the tenderfoot reason. The largo stove iu the confer of the room was packed up on the backs of burros. Some days you can see Denver and some days you can't. This is one of the days you can't. Sometimes the wind has blown at the rate of 180 miles an hour , and somotimcs it don't blow at all. The temperature in winter Is generally 40 deg. below zero. If you happen to llvo in Dakota or Minnesota don't make disparaging remarks , as if that were very sultry weather. If you have over been on Mount Wash ington don't tell any big stories about it , as wo have been there. This is the meridian time of the seven ty-fifth meridian , and it is twe hours faster ttuui local tune. Of course it suits us , and you are re quested not tu exclaim in tones of uiuazo- inotit. Is this clock right ? You arc at least the 14,831st person to ask the question. An old fashioned Colt over the register lias the following warning under it : "This is for the person who writes al leged poetry ; or maKes other bad breaks ou the register. " If you have had friends up hero any time slnco the battle of Hunker Hill , please inquire for them. Of course wo shall reniombor thorn perfectly. The Villain Still Pursues. "Look hero sir. " Detroit Free Press : , no said at the chief olork's window in thu pcwtoflio , "I've boon trying for half an front- door key will unlock his postoffico BOK. " "Oh , yes , I see. Yes , that's it. I got 'cm mixed , of course. Hut look hero , sir. I want-It understood that I excuse none of the shortcomings of the postoffico department on this account not a single one. " Said the Ball to the Bag. Cftteipo Jfutt. At eve the beetle boomoth Athwart the wheat Held lone ; At noon the black fly hiimineth , feeding on stalks half grown ; At night the chinch bug cotneth , And then the farmers groan. But sweeter than the lute string Is the big beetle's note. And merrier than the lark's trill The bum In that fly's throat ; While on the blessed chinch bug Tlio glad bulls fairly dote. Boom on , oh , hungry beetle. And scorch , oh , parching heat ; And feed , ob , ravenous black flf , You must not cease to eat ; And get then ; , merry chinch bug , To KVO us dollar wheat. Ho Didn't Bur. An Austin masher had just made the acquantanco of a very stylishly dressed young lady , and was promenading with nor around the depot before the train went out. A little street Arab came along with flowers to sell , and said : "Ploaso sir , will you buy a few of my winter roses ? " The masher turned to the young lady and asked : "Will you accept a small bouquet of these pretty flowers ? " Heforo she could reply , the Arab up and said : "Ah , yes , she will , I can tell you. She's my sister , and don't dare to spoil the sale ot flowers to a dude. " Iio never bought. She Thnoht Naoht. SomcrvUle Journal , He said as he sat In his yacht. To the elrl whom he called "little tacht , " "Come and sit In my boat And away wo will float ; " 'No , thank you , " she said , "it's too hacht. " Stranite Coincidence. She was In the habit of reading the "want" column in The Gazette , and ho was in the habit of holding on to her waist to steady her. "Oh what a strange coincidence , " she said. said."What "What is it ? " ho asked. "Why , this advertisement says. 'Wan- ted , a partnership. No reasonable oiler wilt bo consldored unfavorable. ' " "Well , what is there m that ? " ho askod. "Oh , nothing ; only that an advertise ment should so porscctly express my sen timents , " and she blushed as his arm tightened around her. The wedding will be next spring. How Was The Game ? Columbia Sunthiy Keics. "OU , how was the game ? " was the anxious _ cry To a couple of men as they passed him by. One turned and smiled as hu s\ld , "Oh fine I 'Twas as good as a glass of the mellowest wine ! " While the other said with a scowl and sneer , "The rottenest game that I have seen tills year I" They passed alone and the questioner said. As his fat sides snook and his face grow red : "There are many men of as many minds ; There are many bets of as many kinds ; But though men and wagers disagree , The mind and ttio purse are In sympathy. " niB Narrow t&acnpe. The Judge : "Did I-ever ; toll you , Dave/ " inquired I , "how near a dear friend of mine -camo to running away with an Irish girl ? " "No , " Dave answered. "Did you have u friend about to run off with one ? " "Yos. " "Wnll , why didn't ho , then ? " "O ! another person ran away with her. " "Utit why didn't ho olopq first ? " "Iio was unacquainted with her then , " I replied , in an abscent-minded man ner. - PEPPEUMINT DROPS. The Iceman's smile Is talked of as a new shade In summer fabrics. Sign In a Chlcagodrug store : "Orandclear- ng out sale of seldliez powders. " It's great fun to see a young woman play the piano and light files at the same time Nothing can be more boundless than a true woman's love except , perhaps , that same woman's appetite. A man with a wheelbarrow on the sidewalk Is not very popular , but he generally carries everything before him , lioston Post : A St Louis man has eaten eleven restaurant pies at one sitting , and , strange to relate , survives. People who want to know whether It Is pronounced "neether" or "nythor" will find If they investigate , that It Is neither. The next time a convicted "boodler" says he wants to take a bath the sheriff will prob ably deem It safest to turn the hose on him In his cell. It Is claimed now that the telephone was Invented In 1G.T5. It did not come Into gen eral use , however , because the word "hello1' was not invented until some yean after. Down In Now Jersey the other dav a piano was struck by lightning. It Is seldom In deed that lightning exercises such benevo lent discrimination In choosing its victims. Clara Louise Hellos * says that singers should have nine hours sleep every night No ono will object to their Indulging them selves to such an extent , If thev will only lot their neighbors get a nap once In a while. The man who can Invent some sort of mu sic to go with the typo writer has a fortune before him. The idea of wasting so much motion Is all nbnsnnse. ( live us a machlnn that can click off a dunning letter and "White Wli'-ro" . * * ho same time. A youngster iu a neignborlng town , who had trone outon a pleasure trip by his father's consent , suddenly broke out crying , and when asked what the matter was , said : "Mamma will whip mo. " An effort was made to soothe him by explaining that as lone as his father kneV be had como , hi ? mother would not scold him for coming with out saylmr anything to her about It This hardly satisfied the little fellow , who whim pered In reply , "Papa Isn't the boss ! " RELIGIOUS. Cardinal Newman contemplates publishing a volume of autobiographical reminiscences during the fall. A minister In Somerset county , Maine , has his sermons printed monthly and sends them to these ot hfs parishoners who do not go to church. The i.ov. Dr. William O. Farrlncton has retired from the editorship of the "Kplsconal Church Almanac , " a position he has held for the past twenty years. Dr. DeSota Is Interested In the restoration ot the festival of St , Mary Migdnleu to the Episcopal prayer book. It Is now observed as a fast by the White Cross crusade. Itov. Dr. Henry M. bcudder has given In Ills old church In San Francisco a farewell lecture on Japan , preparatory to going to that country tn speud the remainder of his life. life.It Is reported from Homo that the most j < ov. John McEvllly. archbishop of Tuani , Ireland , will shortly be raised to thu cardinal- ate. At the present time there Is no cardinal attached In the Irish church. The Wesleyan conference , now tn session In Manchester , Is one of the largest which lias over assembled. Application has been made for about two thousand tickets for ministers from various parts. Two hundred representative laymen are also expected to be present and to take part In the proceedings. A number of new societies are springing UP , and all In some way aim at the regenera tion of the human race. Ono ot the latest is called ( "The ChrlMalu Kingdom society , " and Its avowed object is to unite Its members In an "endeavor In all things to render faith ful and loyal obedience to the spirit ot Christ. " At a meeting of the Episcopal parishes In St. Louis Dr. Van de Water organized a mission to be held In that city next advent Father Osborne will conduct a noonday meet ing for business men. Dr. Kalnsford will nUo take part and Dr. Van de Water will preach dally. In addition to organizing the tne services In every Episcopal eburch In New York city , JOLLITY UNDER DIFFICULTIES , i The Acton * Retreat in Omaha and the Pro ceedings * CHASING THE "ROYAL DUCK. " Hastllng tor Hash Bohemia In No- braaka Street "Faking" Actors A Reporter's Vlult to Carious Crowd. Tfco recent opening ot a variety theatre in this city , the closing of another , and the extremely hot weather , tins hnd the effect not only of terminating the career of nearly all the "Dramatic Snaps" tour ing Nebraska , but has also brought to Omaha a little colony of theatrical pee * plo , all in amore or less impecunious condition. They realize the fact that the opening of the regular season is still some live or six weeks ofT.and have made up their miiula to spend that time in as jolly n manner as their circumstances will allow. Some are pretty well lined , while others are completely "broke , " but with that good nature which ever has , and probably over will , characterize Bo hemians , thny help each other , and the city will bo none the worse elF for their brief sojourn. In all cities can bo found a few retired professionals and others who from life long association with ucto.'s consider themselves such , and as "birds of a feather flock together" the "colony" as it is dubbed amongst themselves is thriving rapidly. Quito by accident a BEB reporter was yesterday not only iiiiulo acquainted with the foregoing facts , but also had the pleasure of spending ah afternoon with the principal character. The headquar ters of these jolly Thespians is in a house on Capitol avenue not a largo house , yet largo enough to hold a good many when wo take into consideration the fact that each room contains two largo biuls and frequently two or morn cots. They pay so much a week for the sleeping ac commodation und then touse tlietr own euphonious expression "hustle for the liasli. " They have formed a sort of con- jrcss of their own , have a president.com- mittco of ways and means and hold a meeting every afternoon in n semiserious ous way , during which the events of the previous day are reviewed. The presi dent is a somewhat consumptive-looking comedian , who by reason ot ill health is not allowed to do any hustling. The meetings are held in a yard behind the house , where , seated unrter a couple of trees , dressed In every variety of "negli- ceo" costumes , they smoke , talk and drink. There was one individual , however , who , in spite of the heat , were a coat buttoned and a high hat somewhat the worse for wear , but still shiny. This was the "legit" as he-Is called , a gentle man who for the past thirty weeks has been touring the country with a dramatic company , playing standard tragedies and classical dramas. According to re port ho has played the stern Roman pa rent so much that ho is gloomy oven in private life , and it is only after repeated libations of lager that ho unbends , and oven then It Is with a kind of sardonic smile that sends chills down the backs of his friends. On such occasions after re peated solicitations ho will give them "a taste of his quality" by reciting the Forum scene or Othello's famous speech. lie is most unmercifully quizzed by the rest for his pompous mode of speech , but the quizzing troubles him not. Ho is sublimely oblivious to all but Shakes peare or Knowles. On being introduced to the circle the reporter was received by acclamation , the president remarking that the first tluty of a guest was to "chase the duck. " Not quite understanding this expression , his attention was called to a tin pail holdimr about two quarts which had been passed from month to mouth , until it hail been emptied. With a sorrowful sigh the re porter drew from his pocket his last half dollar and hundod it to ttio president who directed a llttlu Dutch comedian , with a face as round as an apple , to "chase" and tn bring the change in "piinpstlcks" ( cigarettes ) . In duo time the little follow returned with the beer and aflur the can had bean "guoged , " which was done with a stick kept for the purpose in order to prevent tho.so who fetched the buor from imbibing on the wtty , the business of the day com menced. The roll was called and three of their number reported absent. The first was a gentleman known an "Gaily Gus , " a well known comedian who has played engagements all over the cotintr.y. His absence was explained by the presi dent , who stated that Gus had made a small stake , borrowed a BuITalo Hill hat and a cowboy shirt and had the previous evening walked to Council Hlull's. The license for street faking there was only | 1.50 , and ho intended trying his persuasive eloquence on the people of that city. Ho had somehow gotten hold of a receipt for a razor-paste and had made-a couple of dozen boxes. They stood him nearly a cent a box. Ho was conlident of boin able to obtain 15 cents each for them , in which case ho would return to Omaha to-day. This explanation gave satisfaction and nearly all present iavo it as their opinion that Gus would succeed , as ho "had gall enough for anything. " The next absentee was known as "Charlie , the Kid. " A friend of his arose nnd sc.id that Charlie was giving a mon- loguo entertainment at an opera house on South Tenth street. In answer to in terrogations ho could not say at what time the curtain rose or whether there was a curtain. Ho knew thorn was a piano and a bar ; there were also card tables there. Charlie's duties were to sit for company from 3 to 5 and 7 to 13 p. in. during which time ho would probably sing from fifteen to twenty songs and ru- coivo as compensation for the same the sum of $1.50. The third absentee just then made his appearance , and , throwing down a liberal "donation to the duck , " acquamtalnted the company with the fact that ho hail that day endeavored to earn his living by canvassing , iio had been to a well- known" manufacturing firm of this city who had promptly furnished him with an eight-day clock and a hearth-rug as samples , lie was to SJll thcso articles on the installment plan. On dollar down and the remainder at fifty cents per week. With the rug over his shoul der and the clock under his arm ho had conn from house to house without , however , being able to effect a alu. Hot , tired and dusty , ho Y.T.5 about to return to town in disgust , when the merry laugh of child ren rang upon his cars. Snatches of song and the sound of a piano were wafted across the road to where ho was stand ing. Then some one attempted Fritz Kmraott'i "Cuckoo" song. This \vas rooro than ho could stand. Ho hastened across to the house , and , putting down the rug and clock , sang the song as ho had hundreds of times done before the footlights. The blinds were drawn ; ho was invited inside , sang three or four songs , and upon leaving was presented by the mother of the children with a two dollar bill. Ho had taken back the rug and clock to the owners , feeling con vinced that canvassing was not his forte. After the "duck" had been "chased" a couple of times , the president Inquired whether anything of Importance had transpired during the previous day ; whereupon , a' slim , close shaved young man ( evidently & female impersonator ) rose and Raid thnt ho had discovered a Joint on Farnara street where every morning at 10 o'clock they gave a free lunch of troup , meat and potatoes with each glass of boor. The address wai taken , and the president proposed that a deputation should wait upon the proprie tor with a view to having the luncheon time fixed for later in the day , as it was ridiculous to think of arilng at the tin * earthly hour of 10 a. m. mcrolv for the sake of a free lunch ; especially when their friend Hlggins sot sandwiches on his bar until latoIn tiio evening. At this the "legit" arose nnd In a molo-dramatio way asked the prosldunt to boycott Hlg- gins. "I have , " ho said , "at various times wasted my substance at that establish ment , but I have determined never to do so again. Yesterday I went there and called for a otoln ot beer , paid my nlckol and tackled the lunch. 1 had finished my seventh sandwich and was reaching for another one , when that big bartender with the diamond pin , act * iially asked mo whether I wouldn't like a knife , fork , plate , and a napkin. " Amidst a shower of laughter the propo sal was negatived. It would bo impossible to repeat hero half the jokes , rallcry , and witticisms that characterized this "feast of humor and How of beer. " ns hour after hour sped along and the cool of the evening began to Go appreciated. When at last no single individual cared or was able to chase the duck'a subscription was taken up nickels and postage stamps being frequently contributed. Suddenly a tall , powerful man of about fifty came strid ing up the yard , accompanied by a beau tiful sky tcrrior. "Hoys , " saia ho , "I'm going to Lcadvilla to-night and have como to say good-byo. " It was Fernan do , or as ho is generally called "Pap" Fleming , a character artist of good stand ing. Formerly a well-known opera bouflb artiste ho has of late taken to the variety theaters and is a great favorite out west. "Good-byo Tap , " came from all. "Remember mo to Laura Lo Clalr said another. "Try and fix me for a couple of weeks at Denver , " said a third. "When I do my full specialty I knock everybody cold. " "I wish you'd do It here then. " "Ratsl" "Chestnuts ! " "You never got a square encore in your life , " and similar remarks rattled around. "Mr. Henry , " said the "legit. , " "do mo a favor. I am told that what the Load- vlllo people really want is the classics. Present my compliments to Mrs. Lo Clair , and tell her that with proper support I will plav Virgiuius at her theatre ( seven nights and two matinees for $33. ) "Vir- ginlus ! " said the consumptive president , "you tell her that I'll fco on the end , put on a middle act , do a specialty and put on an after piece for $40. That's about what she wants. Well , gqod-byo , " and amongst a chorus of hearty favorites , Henry and his dog wended their way. A consultation among the finance committee resulted in the discovery that the funds were exhausted , and as the re porter did not care about contributing any more to the "duck , " the meeting was about to adjourn , when a cheery voice was hoard. 'Golly Gus , ' by Josh , " exclaimed everybody , and the reporter turned his head , naturally anxious , to see the man of gall. The individual were a broad-brimmed slouch hat and a flannel shirt , a pair of very old dress pants and patent leather shoes. It was certainly a curious make up , and was , no doubt , worn on purpose to excite comment. In answer to a hundred inquiries , Gus twisted his mustache , threw his sombrero in the air , announced that his expedi tion had bnon a success , and drawing a $5 bill from his pocket waved it in the air , shouting as ho did so : "Tho 'world is mine. " Amid the roar that followed few heard Mr. Legit , in disgusted tones , say : "He's a liar ; it's Brooks & Dicksons. " Wishing this jolly crow every success , and thanking thorn for a pleasant after noon , the reporter withdrew , but hopes , cro lone , to have another good time with thcso harmless , jolly Bohemians of Omaha. HDUOATIONAU In Illinoisflicro are moro colleges than In the whole of Europe , and one collwo in Ku- rope lias moft'students than the v hole state ot Illinois. i Dr. Cogswell proposes to found a poly technic school In San Francisco , that shall be obcn to ally boy or irlrl In California. Ho will endow It v/\\\\ \ \ \ property worth SlOOQOUO. Miss Aminta Kainsny. a daughter of Sir James Kamsay , the Scotch baronet , took first honors in the classical course at Uirton col lege , Cambridge , England. She was the only student of eUnor sex to pass In the arst di vision , anil was loudly chreied by her com petitors when Imrrank was announced. Her ago Is twenty years. , The Concdrd philosophers are engaged in tlmlr annual attempt to grasp the Idea of In finity. If they have not forgotten their al gebra they oucht to know that Infinity Is nothing but a llgnro 8 lying on Its side. That Is as near they or anybody olsu will ever come to L-rasp Ing the Idea , and tlioy might as well accept the situation. President Laughlln will sever his connec tion with Hiram college at commencement June 1G , and President Wooloy , the new president , will assume the duties of his of- iicu In September next. It Is Intcri'stlng to observe that Professor Laughlln will go from Hiram to till the chair of ancient languages at ( inrllt'ld university , Wichita , Kan. Mills college , the Wellesley of the Pacific slope , was thu recipient of a gift of 550,000 , endowing a chair of mental and moral Phil osophy , from Mis. Susan L. Mills , at the lust commencement. The chair will bo called the MarK Hopkins chalrof philosophy. Tills makes a total of 5210,000 which Dr. Mills and his wifn have given this line Insti tution for the education of women , The university of Kings colloee , Windsor , Nova Scotia , Is the oldest of all the British North American colleges. The royal charter under which it was founded In 17SSexplicitly provides that Its aradomtc.il habits shall be the same as thosu of the university of Ox ford. .And Its cncenla is conducted eveiy year with all the pomp and circumstance of an Oxford onrcnla. The Key. Dr. Isaac Brock , Oxford , Is the provident. The advisability of adopting a distinctive dress for the students of the university of Pennsylvania has been under consideration forsome time past by the authorities of that Institution. It is proposed that each student shall wear a garb by which It can bo readily seen which department ho attends , and whether he ho an undergraduate or a gradu ate. The matter was recently put into the hands of a committed whoso proposition has been fully approved by the trustees and pro fessors ot the university. The colleen of William and Mary at Wll- llamsburg , Va. , the oldest college In the whole country exceptlm ; Harvard , having been founded In K/.H by royal grant. It flourished Immensely during the succeeding century , supported by the Virginia l ( ihia turo and private endowments , and utider Its roof were trained some of the bitchiest In tollects of the land. Then > : , s Jefferson James Madison. James Monroe. Poyton Kan- dolph , John Tyler , John Marshall , and four of the signers of the declaration were among its j'.rr.duates. But Its decline began long ago the most ot Its remaining property was de stroyed during thu civil war , and the vcnor- able Institution which nurtured the rovolu tloimry statesmen , which commlsslonei Georco Washington as a civil engineer , am to which ho L-HVP his last public service a1 chancellor , has now only one "nrotessor" and not a single student. Its halls are do ecrted. SUMMER COMPIiAINTH. Dotrolt Free Press : There Is something curious about sunstrokes In Ohio this sum inor. Every .time a man is struck he takes all the money 4n the house and sneaks off and sometimes ho Is found several hundrct miles uway and just married to anothu woman. Kingston Freeman : Country roads these days am made beautiful by the many wild roses that grow along them. The road kno wi as Lucas turnpike Is rich with a profusion o wild roses. It is almost one continual bet of roses for miles uftcr crossing the line o the town of Hurley. Springfield Union : Wo never knew o anybody that was hurt by a rlpo watermelon and never saw anybody that could point ou any person who was willing to Bay that he ever knew or heard any one remark that he knew ot a person's being cognizant of auy 'cue's being narmt'J li > a ripe watermelon. IN TOE ELECTRIC FIELD , The Electric Hallway in The East Boston Sugar Works. RULES FOR POLES AND WIRES. On the Theory of the Tclophono The Electric Light Afloat Execution by Electricity Possibilities ror the Fluid. Jew York Rules for Polo * and Wires. The Now York board of electrical con- rol on July 15 , adopted the following rules governing the erection of telegraph and telephone poles and wires which had been approved by General Newton , commissioner of public works : No two lines of poles shall bo on the same side of any street or avenue. No two lines of poles bearing comluo- ors for similar electrical service shall bo on any street or avenue. Electric light poles shall bo of iron , at east 20 feet in height , with a diameter of not moro than eight inches at the base , and having cross arms of wood , with glass , porcelain or rubber insulators.and . tainted a uniform color. Poles for telegraph , telephone and other similar wires shall bo at least sixty eet in height. Poles shall bo placed upon the side walk , as near the curb as possible , and no lolo shall be placed within ten feet of my lamp post "or other polo. All existing regulations of the local authorities m regard to the placing of ) olos and stringing of wires are to con' innc in forco. All wires shall bo fastened upon poles or other fixtures with glass , porcelain or rubber insulation. No wires shall bo stretched within one loot of any polo without being attached o the same with glass , porcelain or rub- jer insulation. No wires shall bo fltretohed within twenty feet of thn grounder within4 feet of any building , except when attached ; hereto with class , rubber or porcelain nsulation. No arc electric light or power wires shall bo stretched ovnr any part of any iiouso or othnr building. The companies pr'persons owning or controlling poles in any street or avenue shall allow the same to bo used by other companies or persons operating conduc tors for similar electrical service when iiutoori/cd so so do by the board on ten der of proper compensation , to be deter mined by agreement between the com panies or persons interested. In default of such agreement , the amount of oom- pensation shall be determined by the board. This rule imposes a contract on the part of each company or person own ing or controllinc the poles in any street or avenue , not only with the Doard , but also with each company or person who shall under its terms bo qualified to de mand the privilege it confers. All permits of "the board for overhead wires and fixtures are granted only pend ing tlio providing of underground accom modations in , ttio neighborhood of the streets or avenues for which the permit is granted. Any member or ofllcor of the board , and every inspector employed by It , as cvcrv member of the police force of the city.'shall bo entitled to examine permits under which work of any kind is being uouo. No permit shall bo granted for the erection of any overhead structure nor for the renewing of any lines already ex isting in any street , avenue or highway in which underground iiccommodrtions for the service have been provided or are being provided. All poles now standing or to be here after ereotml shall bo branded or stamped with the initials of the company owning them , at a point not less than live or moro than seven foot from the street sur face. face.Wiien an old polo is taken down it must bo removed from the street the same day. day.Now poles must not bo brought upon the street moro than two days in ad vance of their erection. Any polo that shall bo on the street moro than two days shall bo removed by the bureau of iiiciinibraiicea of the de partment of public works at the expense of 'tho party owniug it. AH electrical companies or persons having poles in the public streets shall give a bonii to the city , In a reasonable amount , to bo determined in each case bv the board , conditioned for the pay ment of the cost of renewing dangorsus and abandoned poles , and also for the payment of the expense of restoring the sidewalks and pavements where the same have been disturbed or injured in consequence - quonco of the erection or removal of any poles owned by them. The violation of any of the rules and regulations of the board shall operate ipso facto as a revocation of the permit hold by the company or person guilty of violation. The Klcctrlo Hallway. Electrical World : The case and slight expense at which an electric railway can bo operated in largo works already pro vided with u dynamo for electric lighting is well shown in the venture recently carried out In the East lioston sugar ro- lini-rv at East Boston. This reiinory , which is the largest in Now England , is situated about 1,300 feet from the docks where the raw sugar is unloaded from the ships. Formerly the hogsheads and bags were loaded on a railroad truck drawn by horses , the work boiug such as to tax the animals very severely and ne cessitating frequent changes. As the refinery is provided with a UiO- li ht Edison plant , it was determined to put in an electric ralhvay , and the in stallation was undertaken by the Sprague Electric Railway and Motor company of this city. The rollir.f ; stock consists ot two flat cars , one , of which carries the motor of fifteen norsu power at its forward end , to'jjtithor with a raised platform , upon which are placed tlio regulating and re versing switches. The cars are capable of taking a load of twelve hogsheads , cqiiivolout to 30,000 ponnils. The current is taknn from the lightning dynamo and led to the motoi from an.ovorhead wire and trolley , the track being nsed on the return. With the electric railway thn work of transferring can bo done in one-fourth the limo formerly required with horses ; and although ships are constantly unload ing at the docks the limiting capacity ol the railway to handle the work has not yet been reached. Tlio motor operates without noise and although the track is always in bad con dition , being Invariably covered will sugar and molasses , no difllciiHy In opor allen has yet been experienced. Another interesting feature is the fact that tha thus far no appreciable Increase In coa coimimptlon duo to the operation of the electric railway in connection with the light has been noticed. On thn Theory of tlio Tclophono. London Electrical Review : In a for mer paper on the theory of tlio telephone I think I showed that the magnctl' ' diaphragm of this apparatus is animated by two different kinds of movements which nro superposed. One kind con sistt of the movements of resonance which are molecular and independent o the outward form ; it is these that enable the diaphragm to transmit and reproduce all sounds , a characteristic property tha ought to bavo been expressed in the ver ; name of the telephone by calling it pan * olophono. The others are harmonic movements and are transversal , corro- pondlng to the fundamental sound and no harmonica of the diaphragm , and do * tondlng on its elasticity , form and struc- urot the former are prejudicial to the clear transmission of music and speech , or they alter the tlmbro , thn harmonics only coinciding by the merest chance vttii these oi the voice or instruments low in use. In order to place beyond a doubt the existence and superposition of these two kinds of movements , 1 endeavored to make the one predominate over the otbor at will in the same diaphragm , I'hls was effected by means of the fol- owing method , which I invented m 11391 , and have merely simplified since : 1. The diaphragm of any telephone is ) laccd In conditions favorable to Its vi- > rating transversely freely , and in such a manner as to enable the division into lodal lines corresponding to a detonrf- nod given sound to bo produced. For his purpose , instead of the dlaphratrm > olng iixed at its edges , as is generally ho case , it is simply placed as near as ) ossiblo to the polo of the electro-magnet on a sufllclcut number of points of a nodal lino. If it is a rectangular diaphragm , it is ilacod upon two rectilinear supports ioincidlng with the two nodal lines of ho fundamental sound. If it is a circtt- ar diaphragm , thrco apertures are made , rom two to throe millimeters in diame * or at the angles of an equilateral trian gle inscribed in the clroumforonco which constitutes the nodal line of the first larmoulo , and the disk is laid on throe points of cork placed In a corresponding nanner on a fixed straw and penetrating nto the apertures. This bolng done , lot us introduce into .ho bobbin of the apparatus a series o currents of very low Intensity , and grad ually decreasing period ; for example. proceeding from the emission of musical sounds before any transmitter whatever , either telephonic or radiophonio. Then the telephonic rocolvor , modified as al ready described , only vibratos apprecia bly under the action of the currents whoso period is equal to that of the corresponding sound at the nodal line on which the diaphragm rests , a sound which I will term particular' special ; t is no longer pan-tolophonic , it Is mono- tclophonic , and may therefore bo called a niotiQ-tolophono. This result is not absolute. In reality the liaphragm sounds some sub-harmonics of the special sound corresponding to the ( ixod nodal line ; but luoir Intensity U comparatively very low ; ami besides , the liaphragm reproduces somewhat lower or nighor in ponod than the special sound , but the extreme interval between .heso sounds in very small , and does not generally exceed one or two commas. These reservations are similar to those that have to bo made in connection with resonators in acoustics. Likewise the kind ot analysis that a mono-telephone makes of what we may term the electro magnetic waves is analogous to that made of the sound waves by a resonator. [ u fact , if we communicate to them a series of successive or simultaneous waves of different periods , each of them selects in a certain dcgrco that of the particular sound that corresponds to its geometrical form , and to the conditions m which it is placed , and greatly strengthens it. The mono- telephone might thus uo termed an electro-magnetic resonator. . In the arrangement wo have just de scribed the transverse movements pre dominate , and it is easy to see the elfect that they would have in an ordinary tele phone ; for if wo try to reproduce , by moans of a mono-telephone , articulate speech spoken into a transmitter , either wo hear scarcely anything If tlio particu lar sound of the apparatus is not within thoscaloof the human voice ( from the second to the fourth C ) orolse.iu the con trary case , wo only hear sounds modified In quality and miilllcd articulations , the whole being drowned , as it were , in the sonorousness of the special sound every time It occurs. Hut It is very easy to produce the op , posito effect , viz : to make the molecular movements of resonance predominate over the transvorsa ones , and thus ren der the mono-telephone pan telephonic and make it reproduce all sounds with the same intensity and articulate speech with clearness. To do this it is sufllciont to place obsta cles In the way of the transverse har monic vibrations by lightly fixing the edges of several points of the diaphragm : for example , by placing the fingers ou it in a certain manner. The most simple way of performing the experiment is as follows : Wo rcccivo into the mono-telophono various successive or * simultaneous sounds , among which is the special sounder or articulate speech at about the pitch of sound. Wo place our ear to the dia phragm ; while it is a certain distance away , or at the most just brushing it , we hear only the special sound ; but as wo apply the ear to the diaphragm moro closely , the special sound becomes weaker and weaker , and at last wo hoar all sounds with equal intensity and articu late speech without any appreciable alteration of quality. By this very simple method wo cause the movements of re sonance to predominate over the trans verse ones , and give to the apparatus the pMi-tclophonio property possessed by the ordinary telephone with fixed diaphragm. In a future paper I will return to the construction of the olcctro-matrnotic resonator senator and its applications. The Uloc trie LluhtV.Iont. . Electrical World : Now and special uses for the olectrio light on board men- of-war arc being found. A recent plan is to ph\eo an arc light at each end of the ship , and converge their beams on the distant object. . The angles made by the beams with tlio base lines are observed , and a simple trigonometrical formula gives the distance of the object. To facil- tate the operation , the shipcan be brought round till the angels are equal , or ap proximately , and a table can bo used to give the result. In the French navy strings of incandescent lamps on the yard-arms have been used of late to con voy messages by moans of flashing In ao < cordanco with the Morsoand other codes It is easy to read the Hashes at a consid erable distance. The extent to which olectrio lights are now used for navu purposes is shown in the fact that the English admiralty has tccently con traded for no fewer than thirty-eight sets of dynamos and engines. Roaiullnnvla and Switzerland. Electric lighting was recently Introduced ducod at the Central railway station , Gliribtina , very successfully , involving a loss to the gas works of $10,000 a year In Christina , tlio gas works are ciu property , and tlio corporation Is now going in for an electric light plant of its own. Thu Htoamor running alone the west coast of Norway have been lilted up witli Edison installations. In Stockholm the leading theatre is now lighted by electricity , and the city of Gothenburg Sweden , is to have US blrcuU lighted by electricity. It is stated that the use of water-power in Switzerland tor electric lighting pur poses is greatly on the inctoaso. Olio o the latest installations of the kind is tha of Englobcrg.wherc a Schuokort machine capable of running 000 lights is now sup plying ! 100 Suuiions 101 and 103 volt in candescent lumps and fivu are lamps o 1,000 candle power each are also in use Kxcoutioii Ry Electricity. l\lr. \ Park Hoiijiniiln , in a recent ntun bor of the Forum , disoUsscd the -.subjoc of execution by electricity , In the coun > o of which ho dwelt very forcibly on th effect that the parrying out of the doat ! penalty by electricity will have * * mi th Ho Huiil ' 'From popular imagination. : the very earliest ages superstition ! el almost every conceivable form and character actor have clustered about the llghtnlift stroke , and many of them still survive. It Is not dlfllcult to conceive that the la * slant extinction of life In a strong man by an ngonoyit Is Impossible to scowhich is unknown , may create In the ianoramt mind feelings of the deepest awe nuil horror , and prove the most forcible of all means for preventing crime. " Klnotrlcnl i'OMlb.llttca. Uufl'alo Courier : A company has beet formed iu Pittsburg for propelling ear. rlages bv moans of electricity taken from' an overhead wire , as street cars are ; already In many cities. As soon as thfl * system proves a success it is likely to be adopted In Uutl'alo , the asptalt pavomonM ' of which will oiler great advantages. It takes from three to four times as much power to run a carriage on a stone block j pavement as on rails. So fast has pro * gross been made In experiments with electricity that careful tests show that M. per cent oft ho power put into a rooter cau bo made available ; a steam engines gives forth only 15 per cent ot the value of the coa I burnou. When storage bat teries h.wo been made much lighter than they now are tlioy can be used for driving carriages , instead of overhead wires , ana they can be charged by means of wind mills and water power. Thus every farm house may como in time to be sup plied by means of such devices , not only with water but also with light and power for driving wogons and farm machinery. But long before that time thn horse oar will have given place in our cities to the electrically driven street car. It is to electricity and not to cable systems that tlio Buffalo street car company is looking for relief from subjugation to the whim * of the horso. SINGULARITIES. A rattlesnake being pelted with stones bj ; a Washington territory boy , treed him In peach tree and kept him there for two hours.- A small rattlesnake was recently found IB a mall pouch when It was unlocked at Mor row's station , near Forsyth , Co. Uow It got there Is a mystery. A blooded horse In Piukcrsburir. West Virginia , came suddenly upon some strolling Savoyards and their performing bears Urn other evening , and was so frightened that he roared and then fell dead. A circuit preacher In Georgia , who lias a wife and live children , and who frequently walks llftccn miles to deliver a sermon , re ceives a salary of S200 a year , while Buffalo Bill Is hobnobbing with tlio queen and the royal family , and doing them to the tiura of 810,000 a day. A Texas negro was recently struck by lightning and killed. In Ids pockets were found two horseshoe luasncts , two copper cents that had melted together , a nlckol that' was partly melted and stuck to his watch , and the nickel rim around his money purse was also molted. UNIONVIM.B , Mo. , July 20. Daring tne past few weeks a little girl of U. W. Brad- shaw , of Kichland township , this county.has been In the habit of taking food from the table and going out Into a field neartlid bouse and feeding a rattlesnake which had made its abode lu a stump. A few days ago the child remarked to her mother that she had > pet snake in a stump , and she was going out to feed it. The mother thought the child only jesting , but as soon as the reptile bad swallowed its meat It followed the little one Into ttie house , where It was Instantly killed by the mother. This proved almost to be a wrong act , for thn reason that the child was taken violently sick , and had spasms for several - , oral hours afterwards , and was frequented with them for several days. Thn physicians think uow , however , that the child will re cover after a f w weeks' treatment. This Is a cose In which It Is said the reptile had "charmed" the human boiug , and tlin death of the serpent came near proving fatal to Its subject. The Terre Haute madstonn , which has a record ot ninety years in one family , has been applied In two cases In the last low days. James Walker , of Irvine's station , III , , brought hss little girl , who had boon severely bitten by a doc supposed to bo mad. The stone would not adhere and this was consid ered conclusive evidence that no virus had entered the child's blood , especially as the teeth passed through her clothing. Miss Hoover , of Newman , III. , was bitten by a' dog that died trom rabies. Other Hogs bitten by this dog died In the same manner. Miss Hoover was torrlbly lacerated. Two days after being bitten the stone was applied and adhered fourteen hours to the llcsh near one nf thn wounds. It turned a dark color and fell off. By the use of sweet milk its norm were punted of the virus , and being applied again It adhered ton hours and again two hours. Miss Hoover Is uow rapidly recover ing. In the hundreds of cases on record of Its use there Is none of the death of a person \vheu the stone adhered to the flesh. BIRD'S MUSTS. Auburn Dispatch : A pair of swallows hava built a nest In one nf the electric lights of Oshkosh , WIs. , and have hatched six young ones. The nest Is directly under the bowl which In placed over the light , and but a few Inches from the light. New York Sun : In repairing the Presby terian church In lioopeston , 111. , the steeple which had long been a homo for the English sparrows , was cleaned out The straw tbat the birds had carried into the steeple fet nests amounted to nearly enough to flit * wagon box. Chicago News : Mulcahey was dend : The following brief but pointed scrap of conver sation was heara the other day on a South llalsteau street car : " ( ! oed mornln' , Mn , McCarthy. " "Good mornln , ' Mrs. Mulcaher. and how'fl Air. MulcahoyV" "He's dead , thank you. " Hoxawattainlo Herald : John Ellis , of WiMlainsiiort , Pa. , tins a very Intelligent crow. Whenever he sees the dog dining he sneaks up behind ( and grabs his tall. Tits dog wheels around , when tlio crow snatches up the coveted food and Is Instantly out of reach. The crow ha ! ) built Us nest 111 au old hat. hat.Augusta Augusta , Me. , Journal : An Augusta younx man recently purchased two paint of thoroughbred carrier pigeons , and one day , when taking his horse to pasture In Sidney , carried one of the birds along. On arriving at his destination , MX miles away , he 11 ber ated the pigeon. One hour and a quarter was required for it to reach the city , and patient young man at tlm Augusta end of the route stood all this time with stop watch Itt hand , scanulnc the heavens for the winged messenger. The bird walked home. Towamla ( Pa. ) Heporter : The courage of birds In dulending their nests was forcible Illustrated l > y a pair of robblns at Marshlicld , In Tioga county , the old day. A muutndlnK cat saw tlin birds In a pear tree , and climbing up toward the nest made preparations for tt game biuakfast. Tint bids did not fly and did not wait to bo attacked , but before the cat reached the nest both attacked their feline enemy , and wiih fluttering wings and sharp beaks drove grimalkin , sore faced and dig- comlitcd to thu ground. Wide Awake : Some years ago a Scotch naturalist wished to obtain a gull , fired at a flock just Issuing from their nests , breaking tlin wing of one , which came fluttering down , falling I nto the ocean. At nrst the flock were demoralized and flow wildly about , ut tering harsh cries , but a moment later they deemed to bo recalled to a wnso of duty by the struggle * of their woundud comrade , and two blids darted down , bt'lzed It by.Jho lips of its wtnits , then rose and bore It away lu triumph ; for , as mav bo mipposcd , the natur * aliit did not lire , but ipci milted the re c.ue. Hero was friendship. Indeed licrohfm , In fact as the other birds alarmed by tha fire faced tlio saim * danger. HAI/T roll I'-ltlOSU YOUTH. New Orleans Picayune : A young man mint learn to speak for himself , and for his glil , If he gets one. lioston Transcript : The susceptible youth Is Ilkua ii'osqulto. Thi'io Is little hope for him after he guts mashed. Haittoid Sunday Journal : Nnvur make sheep's nyes at a young lady who In possessed of a big bi other. He might lamb you. Voukers Statesman : Mis , Yeast does not iimluisland wlieni all the ' 'rising" young men keep tlinmielviH. Him de.elaro * that she never finds them In the .street cars. ; PitUburg DlAutch | : Few young men want to have It wild that th y are trying to innrry for money , but many of thuin are moic than willing to love homo rich girl to ) herself nlonc , Uostori Umler : Whore IB the perfect wean an exchange. If you nr vcrj .anxious to know , jtnt ask th yomig man who for the first ttino In lus ilfe is over head and nan la luve. ,