nrr T THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY JUNE 5. 1887.-TWELVE PAGES. THE FlEj A View of tbo Oity of Mexico , Oaca Galled - " " the "Venice of America. " INTERESTING STREET SCENES. Clmimltcpcc Ducllnc Grounds fix- cumlnn In tlio Suburbs The Hull Museum. lirrUttnfor tlic net tin ( Inict Define Hunt. ] II. My heart grow lighter as I thought of thu grand journey before ns. Before nightfall cool breezes would come to re fresh us , nnd we should behold what was once called the "Venice of America" the City of Mexico. As she was then she lay a fair city , surrounded by water , a gleamIng - Ing jewel watched over by grand , grim mountains , ono mighty mountain guard ing her with llro , steam and lava. Ho worn himself out In the task , and now only a sigh , nn occasional groan escapes him as ho broods upon the long-dead , ill- fated races of early Mexico. I will not describe the grandeur o f that upward ride of between seven and eight thousand fuel ; but forever will the depth of its tropical growtii be imprinted on my mind , forever the brilliancy of its flowers gleam before my eyes , forever their fragrance sway mv senses , for ever shall I behold those mount ains in their grandeur rise high and Btill higher , while yet higher still rises on my bewildered vision the snowy outline - line o'f Onrr.ha. Over and above them all this white mountain is outlined against the azure &ky. lint the afternoon anil evening grew long spent in a car filled with cigar Eiuoko and. to us , unintelligible Spanish words , nnd black oycs. Wo slowly en tered the station at TI1K CITY OP MEXICO while eagerly I looked about mo for a pair of honest , blue Saxon eyes and found none. Hut a night's rest wholly restores our jaded spirits and we awake to dazzling sunshine , bright blue sky. clanging of munv bells , and to the charm of the Mexican capital , which lies mellowed by the sunshine , rich in years , mystical in ancient rites and legend a city dis tinct from all others. As wo walk the well-worn flagstones , we are conscious of great enthusiasm , strange sights greet the eye , stranger sounds smite the car. Flap , llap go the awnings In the morning's delicious brcc/.o , thu Bun sparkles on the windows of elegant shops bearing , to us , strange namcssuch as La Ksmeralda ( the emerald ) for a jew elry establishment ; El pie de Venus ( the foot of Venus ) , La esclava do la Modn ( thoslavo of fashion ) , for prominent shoo stores. Wo stop to gaze at the pretty Spanish boots hero displayed , but soon turn to look upon the passing crowd so national in character. The glittering biack eye looks at you restlessly , the wonicnmanyof them wearing the grace ful Spanish lace mantilla , or without any head covoringdlsplfty to advantage their well dressed , glossy hair. Crowds of peons Jostle you. La liar do San Juan" ( the flower ot Saint John ) , sings a high voice , and an Indian woman , holding tightly pressed against her brown bosom a mass of delicate white blossomspauses a second beside you , then passes on with her fragrant burden. AH is not rush hero ns it is m the United States. Thnt the restless spirit of haste docs not abide here is quickly noticed. Ono wonders why ho has cvor hurried himself in life , why ho has never en joyed before the iullucnco of the sun and the llowcrs. " " the chicken With a "peep-peep" comes vender , rather a dirty figure , to bo sure , but picturesque.Vhitocotton pantaloons over which ho wears leather ones.slashcd at the side , allowing the white cotton to escape in a full fold. A white shirt con fined at the waist by a red sash or belt completes the costume. Over his sleeping - ing shoulder ho balances a long polo , Irom either end of which dangles a bunch of chickens tied by their foot. Ho passes on to make way for the courtly fruit seller whowith the air of a hidalgo , lowers from his stately head n basket ol sunny mangos , and placing them at youi feet , uids you buy. The Pluza Mayor is sparkling in the morning light in its center stands tht graceful band-stand , imported from Paris by the Emperor Maximilian. Well kept walks surround and extend from it. The grass plots are carefully tended , anil How or s add color to the scene. Copies ol fine statuary please the eye , while tin whole is surrounded by a line murbh walk. Benches of open-worked iror happiness to the footsore. The na &lvo palace being opposite to this charming spot brings the government ollicers through these walks , and distin guished-lookinc mon many of them are aristocratic m fooling and bearing Though never willing to soil their hand ! with u paper parcel , yet on any morning they can bo seen bearing to or from tin bath house their towel. They will b < closely buttoned to the neck in an over coat , hardly in condition to meet thcii fair friends. A pathetic little group advances , pooi and ragged , trailing their rags in tin dust of sorrow , a few women and a man bearing in their midst a litlle blue coflin painted with silver stars , the little ligun within is exposed to view , veiled enl : with wayside llowcrs. Weary with street scenes and the ho sun , we hail thu cleanest of many wait ing hacks ana order the bright eyed driver , with his silvc trimmed Bombrorotto drive us at once t ( the most interesting spot in Mexico Cliapultoprc. Rattling through the prin cipal streets of the city , Platcros nndSai Francisco , on post the nlameda , we sooi enter the broad , well macadamized Pasi do la Heforma , through which the pun nir blows , blows from yonder whit canned Popocatepetl ( the Smokinj Hill ) . Already wo feel myigoratec nnd soon behold nt the terminus o the drive , on commanding ground , tin noble cattlo. Well it stands , high ubov the dark forest surrounding it , its sturd ; walls painted in white and ii Ponipcian colors , its wide balconici overlooking the country , A sense o pain creeps over mo as I think of the ill stared monarch of Mexico , Montcv.umn who lived and flourished on that spol falling at last , in the prim of manhood. at the height c his- glory a victim to the rapacious Span lam. Soon wo enter the grounds ; pcac seems to enter with us as wo roll undo the great cypresses. Those line old tree were hundreds of years old at the time c the Spanish conquest ; they whisper an nigh of the risn and fall ot nations , of th fuel demolition by strangers' hand ! or nn untaught race , and of tin then richly cultivated grounds aroun their jagged roots. Upward wo gr.z into their tender green depths , shadowo by grey , trailing moss ; softslghing wiml float over and about us permeated by delicious odor as of cedar. A whisper lloats hero and there that f night can bo soon , Hitting from tree t tree , the ghost of long dead Marina , tli faithful interpreter and mistress < Cortes. Una tree measuring fifteen feet in d nmutor , is named "Montezuma. " Undi this tree ho walked in his feathers an jewels. Still exists here the bath < Moiitozumaremarkable only for itsclca limpid water. In these historical grounds the duula < to day are fought. Why allow this BO ! once colored with the blood of heroes , to bear such cruel and unworthy stain ? Suddenly breaks on the air the sound of a bugles it comes from the castle ; obeying it as a call wo begin the ascent of the upwlndinc road. The higher we rlso.tho more enchanting grows the view , A walk of ten or fifteen minutes over this road , lined with tall vases which are ra- diunt with ( lowers , brings us to the castle entrance , We present our permit to en ter , cross the stone paved court yard whuro the military students nro exorcis ing , on to the front and old part of the building. A slender , graceful , marble stairway leads us onto a wide marble portico tico facing the old city. \ \ hat a scene lies before usl beautiful to the last degree. Against the n/uru sky rise the grand old mountains , the loftiest of which are snow-crowned Popocatepetl and his near neighbor Iztaccihuatl , ( the white woman ) , while lessor mountains are gradually lost in the blue distance. The ancient city with her many domed churches nestles at their feet ; the sound of a bell from ono of the tiled domes is wafted on the air and that is the only sound that reaches us. To the right , through broad lands shadowed by quivering aspuns and curi ous pcpper-trcos. strctehos n line black line ; it is the street railway running to the lovely suburban village of Tacubaya and San Angel , of wiich | ono can catch a glimpse through the trees. Wo turn from tins view silently and enter a veritable hanging garden , created hero above the lower npattnicnts. The corridors sur rounding the garden are decorated in Ponipcian colors and figures , cxquisitly furnished apartments opening onto them , and in these 1 can sea the ghost of long dead nobles. I tread softly nnd rov- creutly through them lest I rudely awaken a sigh from out the past. Hero lived Maximilian and Carlotla ; hero , the latter planned the pasoo , load ing from hero to the city , with many other improvements. In those days court beauties , swept , with their long trains through these balconies to wait upon their majesties , who did , it seems to mo , more gooil for Mexico than ha ? over been done since. These old rooms of the castle have lately been altered and refurnished for President Diaz and the coming presidents. A beautiful outer balcony surrounds this story from which ono can look and look again at this fair country peopled by a strange , fascinating race a pcoulo gov erned by emotions , ono moment loving little children , or charmed by a bright blosson and the next but stop with mete to the balcony on our left and look on what they love quito as well the bull ring. There it lies , TUB ONLY 11LOT IK THIS 1'ICTUUE. Thcro , on Sundays.fiock the gay crowd , in tally-ho coaches , park phictons , cabsin every kind of conveyance. Smilng eyes and lins , gay music , lures ono on to behold the most cruel sport in the world. Sit with mo a moment in yonder ring , listen to the shouts of the excited people impregnated with love of this cruel sport ! Look at the trembling horse ! listen to the bellow of the enraged bull as ho advances , pawing the dust , to toss out the lifo of the tortured horso. I put up my fan to hide the horrid net , nnd the little boys , seated in the box with mo , drag it down that I might enjoy the sight of the entrails of the mute , dying horse as they dangled around his poor , stumb ling feet. A sickening sensation overpowers - powers mo , and the shouts of the delighted - lighted people die farther and farther away. A ripple of mirth is spreading around , what is it ! a cowardly bull has jumped over the enclosure , is running over the seats , up into the boxes , for his lifo ; in a tumbling mass the crowds vanish before - fore him when whiz ! goes the roata. down rolls the bull and the people Joyfully re- se.at themselves The bull is dragged into the ring , where \tie \ stands to moot the much vaunted Matador , a man in this instance in 'possession of seventy years. And those seventy years liav'n brought him skill to kill a tortured ani mal in a re&ly mnofi approved manner , lie doftlv drops , the maddeningly rod capo , nd cold steel llashincly enters the quivering llesh of the brute. Applause. The blood spurts from nose and mouth and ono of God's creatures waveringly sinks on his knees while life exuiros. Hut turn from the rine , linger n mo ment over the garden , the eye will rest upon a low fence enclosing a mysterious black hole , or rather , a subterranean passage > sago leading into the grounds below. lit is just largo enough for a man to creep through nnd was used in time of war as a secret passage. I sometimes wondered , however , if parities , or the light of leveled led the wanderer through it. Added to the old part of the castle is n now building devoted to nn exception' ally tine military collude , corresponding to our own nt West Point. Reluctantly retracing our steps down the delicate stairway and through the court yard wo turn our faces homeward , A tropical sight is beginning to spread her mantle about us , luminous stars shine in a soft sky , soon to bo lost in the full ness of the moon. Silently wo travel through the gaily filled pasco. a fail world about us. Hero , in passing , one sees many handsome women , who , ac cording to nn old custom , wore formerlj not allowed to walk on the street , bu happily , owjng to the intlnx ot strangers the custom is fast becoming extinct Ir the City of Mexico. We reach the street ! brightened by electric lights , a band lilli the air with sweet inusio Proud horse ; with their finely dressed riders prance by us thus wo reach the hotel. THE THEATEltS OK MEXICO. as well as many of the hotel , strike t now-comcr as being well marked by tin soiled fingers of time , but ono become ; so accustomed to it that this is soar overlooked and many a bright ovenint can bo spent in them. Last night at thi theater Nacional wo saw a Spanisl zarzuola ( light opera ) entitled , "E Testamento Azul. " It is filled wit ! sparkling music , the most attractive fca ture being a danza , sung nnd danced bj thn thrco principal characters. The fol lowing very characteristic incident len piquancy to the play : Ono actor is made to ask another if ho will go to the circui with him , nt which the invited one ask ! him what thu attractions are to bo ; ho i : answered that the attractions nnd curiosi ties consist of so many riders , lions , bear ; und thirsty Americans. This theater is i remarkably iino , old building , the en trance and interior capable of bciuj made very handsome. I should say tha its seating capacity was equal to that o the Boston theater , or oven greater , am its stage quite as largo. Modeled aftc European theatres , it has no balconies but tier unon tier of boxes , which an taken by families , and the prosooniun boxes by the fushtonublo young : men o the city. When' Gran's French Open company is here the theatre , cspcciall ; on Sunday nigh's , presents a brillian spectacle ; the ladies beautifully dressed manv of thorn remarkable for their fin jewels. In the parquet a crowd o ! men who , between the acts stand up. opor class in hand , hats on , nnd ' 'play th hear" to their lady admirers. They use < to smoke at this time , but that custor has fallen out of use. This French company is a great favoi Ite with the Mexicans , who.for six week ; or more , every winter , nightly fill th house to see the voiceless , out vivaclou Thro , or the insinuating Judic. After tno theatreto bo fashionable , on must go to the Coucordia , Mexico's aristc cratic restaurant , eat ices , drink puncl or wine , away into the small hours. Th belles and beaux will flock about you an their pretty Spanish words will enter th right car and more than probable meet French word coming in at the left. Next In size to the theatre Nacional : the Principal , then follow the Abe and Hidalgo. To the Mexican , quiCo i attractive ai any of the theaters , U th pretty circus erected by the energct ! ) lF"rVlBl i Orrln brothers. In Its center lies the ordinary ring , encircled by rows of raised chairs and back of these a row of boxes. It U ( rally decorated and lighted by electric lichts. The best performers of Lurope and tbo United States are engaged - gaged , in the summer , to perform hero uring the winter months. Each actor Is given a benefit at the close of the sen- son , the Mexicans loading their favorites with mouoy nnd costly presents. Ono of the great attractions of the city , is TMK NATIONAL MUSEUM , a massive building enclosing the custom- nry courtyard llllod with llourlng plants , shrubs and palms ; across this courtyard , facing the entrance Is the room devoted to the A/tec gods , the calendar stone ; the awful , but fascinating sacrificial stone- hero it lies , eight or ten foot in diameter , perhaps three feet in thickness , bolted with carved figures. Aiplcndld { block It is. What a mercy that it is voiceless that it may not recount the agony of the thousands of victims yearly sacrificed on it. In its center is a small excavation an inch or two in depth , nnd leading from It a narrow drain through which the blood Unwed into an urn placed lit the base of the stone. Here , too , is the carved yoke of stone by which , placed over the neck , the priests held the victims down. A priest with a sharp Hint then tore the llesh from over the heart , nnd with his hand drew the palpitating , smoking member out , offering it , with a loud cry , to the hide.ous god. Weird music , beat ing of drums , and dancing , accompanied this butchery. The urns for receiving the blood are beautiful in design and work manship. Attached to the temples in which those sacrifices were made , were orders of priestesses , resembling closely the Romish religious orders , who , ac cording to an historianentered the sister hood at the ago of twelve or thirteen , talcing vows for one , or more years , or forever. They were acttwtcd by devotion to religion , or a desire to purify some fault. They were subjected to the severest conventual discipline , suffering pain of death for any great error. In the reli gious dances they took part their hands and ankles adorned with plumts. Dur ing time of penitence they would wound the soft part of the oar , and paint their cheeks with the blood , ns a sacred rouge. The great Aztec calendar stone , was discovered nt thn depth of half a rod , or more , on leveling the great plaza in 1770. This gtoatcst of Aztec relics waighs , ac cording to Humboldt , 31,400 kilgramos , yhicll is equal to about twelve tons. From it the Aztecs calculated their relig ious liustas , and the sun clock that it bore told the priests when to prepare for their ceremonies and sacrifices. The Aztecs possessed great astronomical knowledge. From the top of their temples or too- calli , in the form of pyramids , the priests observed the course of the heavenly bodies to determine the titno of the lies- tag as well ns the hours of the day and night , heralding1 them to the people by means of horns , or trumpets of great power. At the base of the temples , two perpetual fires were fed with incense night nnd day , the firepans , guarded by the over watchful priests. Ascend the broad stone stairway , halt ing , to look upon a spirited lifo-six.o portrait trait of the emperor Maximilian ; it portrays trays him on horseback , where , I am told , ho appeared to the best advantage. In these upper apartments nro seen many Aztec musical .instruments ; ono will give an idea of all : the huchuett , or great drum , an ugly affair , a cvlinder of wood some thrco feet in height , curiously carved nnd painted , at the top its luiad of dressed doer-skin , adjustable o in crease or diminish the sound. It was played with the fingers , nnd capable of being played with great skill. Like many other of their instruments it is said to have been heard a distance of two or more miles. Hero are funeral urns decorated in hieroglyphics indicating the name and death of the deceased , whoso skull and skin bonus , or ashes only , repose within. A belle of to-day would hardly "wear an Aztec ornament , yet they are not so far removed in design from those now in fashion. Imagine those feather bedecked , gaily attired warriors of the old race , with not only car-rings , but nose-rings ns well , collars , bracelets and rings around the arms and ankles.and the nobles.alono , a ring in the under lip. They followed in their workmanship various styles , or manners , some of the ornaments and amulets being formed of geometrical fig ures , others portraying skulls or the licads of birds aad animals , and similar fantastic designs , and some symbolical ligurcs apparently , whoso significance is lost. lost.Thn Thn Aztec felt the charm of smoke like the Mexican of to-day. This is said tc have been hia method of enjoying the delicate luxury : ho "rolled the tobacco leaves tightly together , mixed with aromatic matic herbs or perfumes , nnd arranged them in the hollow end of a reed. " It is not known when the Mexican first adopted the p'pe ' , or the universal cigar ette. There are hero some very interesting pieces of picture writing. The Aztecs had no alphabet ; paper was made of the liber of the magury plant finely dressed , or hides were used ; the instrument cm- ployed for the work comparing with the Roman stylus. The colors bright and varied , were made from vegetable , ani mal and mineral dyes. A faint display of the old time leather work can bo seen ; curious coins as well ns armor of hides ; the shields formed of skins adornnd with a plate of metal and plumes , and strengthened by yards ol reed-grass. Bows and arrows'nnd lances , that must have executed cruel work with their Hint and copper tips. Ono apartment is devoted to the silver and china gathered from the table of the Emperor Maxmilian. Another room to stuffed animals , birds and an Interesting collection of tropical insects and reptiles. Having passed down the stairs take ono more look around the court yard , nnd behold through the open door of a room , the coach of the Empress Carlota ; a ponderous conveyance surely , of gold , red velvet nnd white satin. Passing out of the building we stop tote to buy fruit of thu old fruit seller there stationed , how refreshing it is after hav ing passed a forenoon with the musty relics of a dead race. A SPECIMEN FROM SPACE. Analyzing u Chnnk of Metal Thai Fell From the Skjr. Pittsburg Dispatch : A rarely interest ing analysis is now being made at tht laboratory of the Edgar Thomson stcc ! works. It is an analysis of a largo mete orlc mass found in Mexico , the majoi part of which is now in thu famous Yah collection. Some time ago Professoi Brashcar delivered an address upoi meteors before the congregation of lr Swift's church on Arch street , Allegheny Among his adndionco was Mr. Hcnr : Phipp , of the lirm of Carnegio. Fliipn 6 Co. , who expressed himself as bein | much interested in what Mr. Brashcai told him in regard to this particula meteoric find , tie asked the latter if i would be possible to get a specimen o the mass for his private cabinet. Mr Brashcar answered that it would , "but i would come high , " at the same time giv ing Mr. Phipps the address of the partic who might bo able to furnish the ran specimen. Professor Brashoar though no more of it for some time until then came to him one day a carefully wrappei package and letter from Mr. Phipps. I was a three pound piece of the Mnxicai masts , and the letter informed Mr. Brash ear that if he could cut It in two ho couli keep half. The operation was success fully performed , and the filings or due made in cutting it wore taken by Mr Phipps for the purpose of analysis , whlc has not yet boon concluded. THE FUNNY FELLOW'S ' FORUM , One Man Found Too Mean for an Abode in Satan's ' Domain. HER LOVER MADE THEM WEARY. When My Drentn Conies True A Club Ho Forgot Too Much Insurance He Drew the Line at Hair Wye Funny Clips. "When My Dream Comet True. " After Jamet tlVilfromb fllfcy. When my dream comes true , when mydrcnm comes true ; You can bet your sweet existence 1 know Just what I'll ' ilo , When my ship comes soiling Into port as full ns she can hold Of silk * nnil laces , jewels rare , and piles and piles of cold , I will follow her example and will got myself "lull , " too , In the saccharine hereafter when my dream conies true. When my dream comes true , this shabby coat t wear Will bo clianirril Into n broadcloth , and I'll have a doren ualr 01 the linest striped breeches that your eyes did o'er hcliold. And e\ery pocket In them will be filled with stcrllim gold. And I'll spend It like a nabob , and my girls both old and nmv. Will say , "lie Is blooded ; he's a dandy" when my dream comes true. When my dieam comes truewhen my dream comes true , I'll paint this town of carmine hue and leave not n streak of blue. I'll drive the fastest horses and own the finest yacht , And the fellow who keeps up with me will find the pace Is hot ; Oh , I'll spend my money freely and be rich as any Jew , And "buck the tlccr" In his don when my dream comes true. * When my dream comes true , I fear I'll do such thlncs. My riches all \\ill vanish nn wealth'tis said , lias wines ; And when at last I'm ' stranded on Adver sity's cold slmio Say , will 1 cry and whimper and ask for just one tnoro Such ehances to use my riches to show what I can do ? 1'orhans. Hut I won't spend them till my dream comes true. W. W. Biiowx. Philadelphia News , May 12 , lbS7. llio One lie Forgot. "John , I would like to mvito my friend , Mrs. Smaller , this evening. Will you be able to bo in ? " "No , my dear ; 1 must attend a meeting of the Knights of Honor to-night. " "Well , to-morrow evening ? " " 1 have the Ancient Order of United Workmen , and you know " "What about V cducsday evening ? " "O , the Odd Fellows meet that night , and on Thursday I have a meeting of the Chosen Friends to attend ; on Friday the Hoyal Templars ; on Saturday there's a special meeting of the Masonic lodge , and I couldn't miss that ; and then Sunday let mo see what is there on Sunday night , my dear ! " "Tho Grand and Ancient Order of Christian Fellowship. " "Why , [ had forgotten ; am I a member of that let me see " "Hut yon have forgotten another soeietv , John , of which you wore once a member. " "What's that ? " "Your wife's. " The diibllrc Odo. Ena'lsh Ilumiirixt. IHfty times the Laureate sharpened his pen cil ; Fitly times he turned over the rhyming dic tionary : Then he decided to give up rhymes altogether. Ho , the Patriot Laureate , He , the Lord Manufacturer , Shaped a stately memorial , Jilado It regally gorgeous Alter Wnlt Whitman's patlern , Uieh in blackness. In dullness. Which mlslit Rueak to tlio centuries Through the Magazine Mncmillau , Of this year ot ouriublloe. Ho Didn't Go. Wall Street News : "Going aboard this steamer , sir ? " asked the captain of a gentleman who'wdssurvoying the boat ns she was making ready to leave the wharf in Buffalo. "That depends. Car/tain.what / is your boat insured for y1' "Sixty thousanddollars , , sir. " "Ah. Sixty thousand , and shn's worth about $33,000. Captain , you needn't wait on my account. 1 will take the rail road. " , The Soncoftlio Mosquito. Grace Dctilo Litclifidd in * t , Kicliutai. Hum I hum 1 I'm coming , coming , Don't you liear mo humming , humming , Like some distant drummer dm mini UK His tired troops to sleep ? Rat tat-tat , and hum-hum hum , fcear , more near , I come , I come , With some to dine to sup with some , Witti all a least to keep. Hum I hum ! You cannot say I sup and dine and do not pay. Behind me , when I go awav , Just here , and hero , and here , I'll leave a tiny round bright spot A brand now coin , laid down red hot , In full return tor all I cot. I pay most dear , most dear. Hum I hum 1 Pvo supped and rarely ; And you still are sleeping1 fairly , Huin-hum-hum I We twain part squarely , All my dues I pay for. One more taste , nnrt one more sip , From your evolid , Irom your lip , Then away I'll skin-skip-sKlp There's nothing more to stay for. Loft Out in the Cold. His Satanic Majesty ( to applicant foi admission ) , What may I call your name' Applicant. I haven't got any. I'm the man who has been writing anonymous contributions to the newspapers. Ills Satanic Majcst ? . Who sent yon t < me ? Applicant. Potcr. His Satanic Majesty ( indignantly ) Well , Peter ought to know better. Yoi can't got in hero , my friend ; this place i too good for you. Couldn't Stand Thnt. D ctroU Free Press : Two Brush strce boys ab out ten years old were rnbbinj against oa ch other the other day and ox hibitlng o very anxiety to come to blows but still wanting a reasonable cxcusi when one of them called out : "Your father is bow-legged ! " "And yours has a turn up nose , " hotl1 replied the other. "They say your brother has been ar rested ! " "And your sister's husband has rui away and left her a grass widowl" "its a lie ! You don't own the housi you live in ! " "And you've got a rag carpet on tin parlor floor , for I've boon in there nm seen it ! " "Pooh ! I know something ! " "No ' " you don't ! "Yes , I do , Your mother dyes hoi hair ! " "Take that backf" "I won't ! " "Won'tyou ? Then" ! " And they closed in mortal combat nui rolled m tuo mud. They Meant Iliiflne.ss. Girl's brother ( whilo1 girl is dressing t < receive company. ) ' What is a snide , Mr Jones ? Girl's bean ( who hai just called. ) i snide ? Well , my boy , 1 can hardly tel you. you.Girl's brother. Well , I guess I can. Girl's beau. Well what is a snide ? Girl's brother , Well a snide is a fel ler that comes up to'ithe house ever ; night and burns coal oil and coal in thi Btoru and never says I to Mamie whoi shall you name the day , that's what Mamie says a snide is. Girl's ' beau , And docs Matnlo say that ? Girl's brother. She does , and she told pap last night to give you a booting If you don't propose to hor. Girl's bean. She did ? Girl's brother. She did , nnd you should sen her eves llash when s > ho did so. Girl's beau. Good hcavunsl Well , 1 must bo going. Girl's brother. 1 wouldn't advise you to go , thu bull dog's untied and pup's in tlio yard with a shotgun. Girl's bcaul What must I do ? Girl's brother. Pn V > su to Mamio. Girl's beau. And if i don't your father Is to boot mo , the dog is to bo set on mo , nnd i am to run the risk of being shot bu- sides ? Girl's brother. Yes. You have been teaching Mamio the various definitions of kissing for a loi.g time. Pap says there is only ono definition of marriage , and that dulinltion it * splice. If you don't splice to Mtiuiiu father says ho will break your back. Girl's beaux. Lot us have pieeo. Let darling Mamio coniu in and we will have the ceremony performed at once. An Irlalminn'H Wit. Pittsburg Commercial Gazette : Judge Stowe , M. A. WoodwardIohn , 11. Hamp ton , George W Ha/.en , anil a mimbor ot other attorneys were standing on Diamond mend street , near Grant , yustcrday after noon in conversation when a venerable gentleman from Ireland came along , and approaching the judge with a mammoth smile , held out his hand and in a refresh ingly familiar and cordial lone , ex claimed : "How are yc , judge' Glad to see yc , ycr honor. " His honor , although not being able to identify his admiring friend , shook hands , and then the latter continued : "Yur honor , it's my opinion that ycr the foiuest man on the earth. " The judge blushed inwardly nt this flattering tnbutound the lawyers laughed cousumedly. "Yes , vcr honor , " resumed the man from the oul' darth , "and" poinling to the court house , "that's a line place yo'll have to sit in. I was htandin' lookin' at it the other day , ycr honor , ndmirin' its lovely an' its beautiful a archy archy- tuetcr" "Why you are quito poetic , " inter rupted ono of the attorney.- . . "That 1 am. I've a big streak av poetry in mo , bo 1 havo. But , as 1 was sayin' , 1 was shtamliu' there , whin a man came along an" ho wore shpccks , judge , lee an' ho was a Itikm' an' a lukin' this way nn' that at the court house , an' ho sc/ tome mo , soho , 'What's that buildin' fur , 1 dunne ? ' 'Doan'tyur.'soz I. 'Well , I'll tell ycr. 'I hat , ser , is a monument nut up by the pcoplu of Allegheny county to the meniorv o' that great lawvcr , Jimmy Kilday.'an' that great o-ra-tbr , John F O'Mallev. ' " At these words Judge Stowe almost collapsed and doubled up with laughter , while the assembled attorneys laughed until they woke the echoes far and near. Thu old Irishman then amblud on , richer by several quarters and dunes which were slipped into his hand as a reward for his wit. History of Millions. Wllksbarro ( Pa. ) Leader : A icsldont of this city returned the blank sent him under the poisonul property tax with the following cutlorseiiieul : "Hold and silver 1 have none. Spent long ago fnr women and rum ; Silver plate and watches in pawn , My pioperty , real and personal uone. Whoever thoticht to this it would come ? Nobody now but an American bum. " A Huslmnrt Already Stnked Out. Esmerclda Longcollin to Birdie McGm- nis "Wo girls arc getting up a picnic at thn Bee Spring , and wo nave invited Cil- ! hooly. Hostettor McGiunis , Koskiusko Murphy and several other young mon to take part iu it. Don't you want to go along ? " "I am engaged to a young man from Houston , and he might object. " "I didn't know that you wore engaged. Of course , if you have a sure thing for n husband you don't need to go on picnics at all. I wouldn't want to go on a pic nic either if I had a husband already staked out. " Mr. Pullman's liynr. Wall Street News : "Is Mr. Pullman aboard ? " ho asked of the poitor of a sleeping car on an Ohio train. "No , sah ; he an't. " "Do you represent Mr. Pullman ? " "Well , sah. Misser Pullman built dis Icyar an' do rigular conductor runs detrain train ; but in c.i u you want valuable in- formashun I reckon you'd bettor inter view mo. IV.o a sort of middleman , I Ilmv She Knew Ho Was Falling. "You are not as strong as you used to bo , John , " said a fond wife to her hus band ; " ! think it is about titno you were gettingsoino insurance on your life. " "Insurance on my life ! What are you talking about ? I am as healthy as 1 cvor was ; insurance , indeed ! " "Well , my aenr , I only mentioned it , you know , out ot respect for yourself ; I thought you wore failing. " "And what in the world put it into vour head hat 1 am failing ? Me failing ? Why , 1 am as btroug as a hortu , and can run up throe flights of stairs without taking a breath. " "Wei ! , it may bo so ; but 1 am afraid you nro deceiving yourself. " "DecoivSug mysoifl Goodness gracious woman , what do you mean ? " "Don't bo so impatient. What makes mo think you arc failing is this : when you wee courting mo you could hold mo on your lap three hours ; now you cannot hold the baby on your lap three minutes. " What "Krlde" Conies From. "Mother , why do they call a girl a 'bndo' when she gets married ? " ! 'Because that't the right name for her then. I suppose. " "I'll bet 1 know. " "Well , why ? " ' "Cause 'bride' is took from 'bridle,1 nnd they call her that 'cause then is wiicn she begins to put the bridle on her husband. Was it a bridle or a halter you put on pap ? " "That'll do sir. " _ AN OLD TIME SHOWMAN GONE. Liewls II. Lent , Circus Proprietor and Manager His Checkered Career. Now York Herald , May 21 : Lewis I ) . Lent , for fifty years a showman , died sud denly Thursday evening at his residence , No. 240 Lexington avonuo.in the seventy- fourth your of his ago , leaving a widow , ono son , L. B.Lont , and ono daughter. Mr. Lent was very stoutweighing over three hundred pounds , but enjoyed good health.savothat he was for years alllicted with a cough and labored respiration. Ho began his career in the show busi ness when only about nineteen years old. His father , Benjamin Lent , was the or iginal owner of "Uctt , " which , it is said , was the first elephant exhibited in Amur- lea. Ho hoard of the arrival of the ele phant in New Yoric when at church one Sunday and wont straightway to Now York , bought the wonder and took it homo. A stock company was im mediately formed among the neighbors to boom the elephant. Trick horses wore then bought , and what was then the "greatest show on earth , " created a furore of enthusiasm and made consider able money for the proprietors. Benja- ruin Lent bought an interest for his son in the circus of Drown & Fogg , with whom ho remained two seasons. Other shows ware consolidated with it under the title of the Zoological Institute , but the concern resulted in a lizzie before two seasons more had passed. Then young Lent formed the lirra of Sands & MILL & YOUNG 1213 Farnam Street. FURNITURE , O-AJEWPZETS - , STCTVIGS House Furnishing Goods. IR.OI MUK. is produced from twelve pow. RAIL-ROAD REMEDY crful \ egctaWc Ingredients , so mmr mmm . . . . - - - - - - - wonderful results known to the medical worlil manipulated as to produce the most v Us action Is both sine and speedy , giving Instant relief from every pain nnd sorcncsj lo which flesh Is heir. A positive cure For Croup , Cntnrrli , Dlarrliuia , Cho- Icra Morlms , Colds , Sere Throat nnd RHEUMATISM AK0 In their worst form's ; Headache , Toothache , Earache , Ijiuiiu Back or Side , Sprains , Cuts , Bruises , Burns , Scalds , Corns. Chilbla ns and of tcstliuo. but what hundreds Frost Bites. We make no claim for this Remedy nlals'of the highest character have established. We publish the following : . - "I Imc lu.pt n supply of Ilillroiil Uimcily on Innd Hon. K I1 KOC.OEV , Sccrctirj ofStnlc. sijs"I for use in mj family. 1 found it M jou represented , and cluufully r "II,11 { [ } ? , , ( . | Nlll. I ha\c used Uillroid ItcmciU for rhcuimthm , pin ! In thclnck and kidncjs , and la\c found immtf. U te reie. I consider , t the mo.1 " ' : " Mel V , F. A CO , NelmiAi City. Foxwortln I wmmifineatn room o\cr Uo inoiitlii by n so\ era The follow Ine Is from luilcc ' inj Liniment , and i il % it on Oil , wllhmU hl 1 trlul M. I icol.'s Oil , G'lrijlinir Oil. Minting > Tc7 to MvPre I trie HAII.UOAU KKMKUY. .md i-njojtd the fir < t nl-ht' | re < t since my injury. llv . Ihcncr" " Kx"WriR eftccti. It ran. the wors pdKprbour. income , sore thro.t , bounds and burn , , ll h ? , no nl. Vm , , ejer vuthou , , , uce I left my are l"c ctl"ls ° f lA&TlVsmNK , Oaee Mlukm , Kansas. Over 2,000 test cases ouroJ. Torsnlo liy nllflist clnvulniirplsts. Ti ado supplied by lUch- unison Uriitf Comimny , Omiilm. RILEY & UAKON , REAL ESTATE , 310 South isth Street UargahiB la the following additions : 2cL , Some choice properly on Farnam , Douiflm , JtodKO , California , Cumlnirfi , 10th , Kith. ICtli Hiul"0tli stioots. Ills loot wood truckuKoou Nleluilin strou't. A larifo , ulcwiiiit house with nil modeliilinpro\cme.nts , on Ocorwlii inc. Pine 7-room house , Iziirtl , near 18tu St. . cheap , fi-room houso,23th noiir llurdolto St. , very chuup. Lent and exhibited in this country and in England. Air. Lent was a partner in the originial hippodrome known ns Francon'fs Hippodrome , which about thirty-four years a o was located on the site now occupied oy the Fifth Avenue Hotel. Avery Smith and others were in terested with them. Mr. Lent was , later , n partner in H.ir- mini's traveling show ; afterward formed a partnershiu with ( ioneral Uufus Welch , of Philadelphia , where they ran Welch A : Lent's national ' ' -circus and amphitheater. Also" ctyttccYftod iu an other theater and circus in 'tho ' Quaker city , where "horso dramas" were pro duced , such as "Home , the Hunter , " the "Cataract of the ( Janges. " the ' 'Bronze Horso" and "Putnam's Ride. " When the war began Mr. Lent nnd E. P. Christy went to the West Indies with the National circus and exhibited there two seasons. On his return to Now York ho took Wallack's old theatre , known then as "Tho Now Idea , " nt Broadway and liroom streets , and ran it as a circus. Ho afterwards bought the "Hippothca- Iron , " a circus on Fourteenth street , op posite the academy of music. It was successfully run by Mr. Lent until August , 1872 , when ho sold out to Bar- nuni and then wont on the road with the traveling Now Cork circus. In 1873 Mr. Lent ran a circus and mouagorio in the Madison Square garden. Among the long list of shows with which ho was connected as partner or director were Howe & dialling's United States circus and trained lions , Came ron's French and American circus ; L. B. Lout's Now York circus , combined with .1. M. French's circus and menageno ; Van Amburglt's go'don ' menagerie ; Adam Forcpaugh's aggregation , Batch- elder & Davis1 inter-ocean shows , llob- bins & Covlin's railroad shows , John O'Brien's circus , museum and uionag- erie , and Frank A. Rob bin a' circus nnd mnnngerie , with which ho wound up his career in the show business in 1883 , since which ho has led a comparatively quiet lifo. lifo.Ho accumulated and lost fortunes , but died a rich man. Homo or file Kd itiuc'ri Work. One of thn nerviest pieces of work over attempted by a professional crook was that performed by big Ed Kico oitrht or ton vcars ago , ho being assisted in the work bv Tom Bigclow of Windsor , On tario. "A pal of Hlco's had been arrested in Indiana und sun t to prison for attempt ing to pass a forged check on a bank. The sentence was for tlirco years , and the name of the man wasStottson. More than $1,000 was paid to lawyers to pre vent his conviction , but it was a clear case , and nothing would save him. It was claimed that it was n case of mistaken identity , nnd the newspapers discussed the af fair in a manner to convince many of tlmir readers that Stnttson was a much- injured man. The sentence was no sooner in operation than there was talk that the governor would bo appealed tote to grant a pardon , nnd the convict had only served six weeks when it was an nounced in Indianapolis and Chicago papers that the governor had agreed to grant a pardon. This was the sly work of Kd Kice with newspaper men. Ho claimed to bo a Now York lawyer and a cousin of Stottson's. Bigolow claimed to bo a brother-in-law and a Chicago broker. What was Inserted in the papers after the trial was for the benefit of the prison oflicial.s. It was published only in papers which found their way into prison , and Stuttson took good care that all should know that lit ) was in daily expectation o a pardon. Ho had boon in prison about seven weeks when Hico appeared ono day nnd stated to the warden that the gov ernor had issued and mailed a pardon , and , indeed , ho was in the ollicu when the mall was received and the pardon taken from the envelope. The warden was prepared for the reception of the document. Ho believed that the gov ernor had been appealed to , and that ho looked upon Stctl.son as an innocent man , . The document was In perfect form , the signature all right , and but for a trilling incident StotUon would have walked out of the prison inside of an hour. Someone ono from Indianapolis who had business at the prison came in just as the warden was looking at the document , and re marked that the governor had been ab sent from the state for several dnys past and his signature could not bu 'had to certain documents. Here was his signu- nature to tlio pardon , attached only tlio day before at Indianapolis , and the war- dun would have been a poor stick not to see that something needed explanation. Rice was cool and collected and had the other party not been a friend of the war- dan's Ins statement would have passed for a mistake. As it was the warden do- turminud to investigate before giving Stuttson his liberty , and ho said to Kico : "If the governor \ > as not in Indianapo lis yesterday , this signature is a forgery. If ho was there , then the document is all right. " "You can rscnrtam by telegraph in an hour , " replied Kico. "I have some busi ness nt the bank , and I will return in threu-quartors of nn hour. While I do not see how this document can Lo doubted , I yet dc.siro you will take every precaution to render yourself safe. " Ho went out lo take u train out of thn citj and bo heard of no more , and inside of an hour it was known that the whole paper was a forgery. Bigolow had nc- complishod his part of the work In a suc cessful manner , but Kico had failed through a trilling circumstance. Tliera was nn ollicial investigation into the nuttier , or rather , ono was bcgnn ami then xoalously hushed up. Thcro wm no question about the forgery of the governor's signature , but as to how Bigc low got the blank pardon and the seal of state was quito nnothor matter. There had boon no breaking and entering , and those who know of the case came to the conclusion that bribery had brought things about. A certain employe of the state who had access to the governor's ollico Middonly left for Texas , or some where elsn , and the matter soon died out. Stottson served thirteen months of his sentence , and then shammed sickness and escaped from the hospital. This same Uico and Stottson did a very bold piece of work in Philadelphia about six years ago , the lay being entirclv diil'orent. Kico had some stolen bonds ho was anxious to dispose of. They were the public improvement bonds of somu Ohio city , nnd for some reason the party losing them had not notified brokers ni.d bankers of their loss. Kico , dressed as a farmer , cntord u stock broker's ofuco , and said he had taken the bonds In ex change for some Virginia coal lands , and was.only n few minutes converting them into cash. At the time of his visit a wealthy widow was in thu ollico inquiring if him had not better soil certain United Status bonds and ro-iifvcst in land mortgage H. Kico heard lior name mentioned , and ho heard the broker advise her to sell. When she went awnv he piped her home , and that afternoon ho called at the house as the confidential clerk of Bond & Co. , looked over her securities , and gnvo her receipt , and took away with him $ ! ) , 000 worth of bonds , which were negoti ated before noon the next day , Ho was nil alone in both jobs , and now , having r.bont 25,000 iu his possession , ho determined on a trip to Europe. Ho changed his taoncy to gold and secured a passage Liverpool. Luck had singularly favored him in His undertakings , but now it na strangely deserted him. Ho desired to keep his money under his own eye , In stead of placing it in the purser's safo. With the exception of a fnw hundred dollars lars ho stored it away In his trunk , and on the fourth day out this receptacle was opened by means of false keys , and every dollar taken. The ship was raided from htem to stern , and various people kept under surveillance during the voyage , but Kico novcr recovered a dollar of It. Two weeks after ho landed in England the police arrested a swindler with n largo amount of gold in his possession , but Rico dared not seek to Identify it for fear of being arrested himself. What Becomes of the Pianos ? Kio ( Bra/.ll ) News : An American ex change is very anxious to know what be comes of the pianos , as the United States alone manufactured 019,000 from 1700 to 18Sr inclusive , and thu output in 1R8K was about iy.000. Wo cannot say what be comes of the Ametlcan pianos , but sonio years of personal experience in Ura/il lius given us a notion of what becomes of a great many European pianos. They are polished up'vcry nicely nnd shipped to Bra/.ll. whore their jangling , discord ant sounds nro slowly but surely filling all the asylums , hospitals and poor houses of thu country with lunatics uad hopeless invalids. The palace of the mikado has been lighted for some time by electricity , and thu Killcoii company has closed a contract to illuminate thu oily of Toklo ,