10 THE OMAHA DAILY 13EE : SUNJM. APRIL 17 , 1887. TWELVE PAGES.
A CARD
E
TO THE POBLIC.
d
I With the approach of spring
and the increased interest man
ifested in real estate matters ,
I am more than ever consult
ed by intending purchasers as
to favorable opportunities for
invostnieutand , to all such would
say-
When putting any property
on the market , and advertising
it as desirable , I have invariably
I
confined myself to a plain unvar
nished statement of fads , never
indulging in vague promises for
the future , and the result in ev-
*
cry case has been that the expec
tations of purchasers were more
than realized. I can refer with
pleasure to
Albright's Annex
And Baker Place
as sample illustrations.
lota in the "Annex" have
quadrupled in value and are still
advancing , while a street car Una
Is already building past Baker
Place , adding hundreds of dollars
. '
to the value of every lot.
Albright's Choice was selected by
mo with the greatest care alter a
thorough study and with the full
knowledge of Us value , and I can-
conscientiously say to 'those seek
ing R safe and profitable Invest
ment that
Albright's Choice
offers chances not excelled in this
market for a euro thing.
Early investors have already reap
ed largo profits in CASH , and with
tlio many important Improvements
contemplated , some of which are
now under way , every lot in this
splendid addition will prove a bo
nanza to first buyers.
Further information , plats and
prices , will bo cheerfully furnish
ed.
Buggies Ready at All Times to
Show Property ,
Respectfully
W.ULBRICHT
. ,
SOLE OWNER ,
818 South 15th Street.
Branch office at South Omaha
JV. B. Property /or sale in all
farts of the city.
HUSBANDS AND HELPMEETS ,
Flippancy For the Words "For Better , Foi
Worse" in Marriace.
SELF-SACRIFICING SENTIMENTS.
"Joint Halifax Gentlemen" on Mnr-
riaea Sillily For Wedding Gilts
1'ct iSiitn-jq Opening
Wives' Iiuttcrs Advloo
From n Mnn.
When All I ho Day IH Done.
I'tluur I , . ll'd/ioncm. /
When nil tliu day Is done , then It Is sweet
Jo turn thy lonnliii. steps upon the way
Unit wlnys brayo labor to love's endless
day.
Then- , for thy com In ; , quickening pulse
anil lay
Of hcait-.sung welcome , ringing true
Fill nil thy home with ministry replete.
When nil ttio dav Is done , then It Is sweet
That loyal lovu hath dr wn thfco ftom the
racn
And direst trial of thy strenKth for place ,
* or then , the world shut out , thy he.ut can
trace
Its kingdom whole within ono blessed
face
Thy wife , thy queen , thy other-soul complete I
WedillnRGIft.
Now York Times : Awivy back in 187'J
Rlnry Nagcl. became engaged to bo mar
ried , mid wrote to hur widowed aunt ,
Mrs Ida Puyser , then temporarily residing -
siding in 1'aris , informing her of th"o in
teresting occurrence. Mrs. 1'aysor wrote
back a long letter. "I am very glad , my
dour Mary , ' she said , "that lit last you
are goins to bo married. You do quite
right. It is very Hard for u woman to
live alone in the world without u man to
cheer and console her. * * *
My dear nlcco I my going to make you n
wedding present ot & ) ,000 out of my
rents. Tlieso are haru times , but 1 am a
woman of my word , and will never
break a promise I have miido. "
Mary Nagcl in a few months became
Mrs. Otto Vucrhoir , but she received
from her mint only # . ' 01) . The urdunt
commendation of the marriage state by
Mrs. Peyser , in the letter to her neice ,
was explained : i few months later , when
she bccamo n blooming bride uiider the
name of Xeising. A month beloro hur
second marriage she made a will , in
which she bequeathed one half of her for
tune to Zuising mid the othur half to her
sister Mrs. Nagcl , with reversion to Mary
and her four sisters , among whom it waste
to bo equally divided after the death of
their mother. Mrs. Xeising died about a
year ago , and Mrs. Vuorholf brought suit
to recover tUo remainder of the $3,000.
The matter was referred to Ferdinand
Kurtzman , and ho found that there was
$ : UiOO duo Mrs. Vecrhoir. EvGovcrnor
hdward.SnJmon , as counsel for the es
tate , opposed the confirmation of the report -
port peforo Judge Patterson , in the supreme
premo court chambers yesterday , lie
claimed that her aunt's promise to Mary
was nothing more than the expression of
an intention on her part to make a wed
ding gift , and that she had n perfect
right to "go back" on her pronnso if she
chose to. Decision was reversed.
Abuse or the 1'et-Name Graze.
WilliamsportGrit : It has frequently
become our duty to warn husbands
against the pernicious practice of calling
their wives ill-advised pet names. The
records of the divorce courts of all cities
contain instances wherein domestic fe
licity has been entirely ruined by the
abuse upon the part of the husband of a
dangerous conjugal privilege. Ono lady
applied for a divorce in Chicago because
her husband called her a gooso. In the
Sterling case , which had just been decided -
cided in Hrooklyn , it was shown that the
husband called his wife "Nigger. " Ho
might have known perfectly well that
such a name was only applied to a cer
tain brand of tobacco. It is safest in all
instances for husbands to address their
wives by the name which the wife's
mother decided she should bear.
Advloo to Wives.
The following aphorisms wore evidently
written for the Brooklyn Magazine by a
man :
Remember that yon are married to a
man , and not to a god ; bo prepared for
imperfections.
Anticipate the discovery by your hus
band that you are "only u woman ; " if you
were not he would not care about you.
Once in a while let your husband have
the last word ; it will gratify him and be
no particular loss to yon.
Lot him read the nowspancr at break
fast table ; it is unsociable , but , then , it is
only a tritlo , after all , and ho likes it.
lie reasonable ; it is a great thing to ask
under some circumstances , but do try ;
reasonable , woraeu are rare bo rare.
Let him know more than you do once
in a while ; it keeps up his self respect ,
and you will bo none the worse for ad
mitting that you are not actually infalli
ble.
ble.Heart
Heart something in the papers besides
fashion notes and society columns ; have
some knowledge of what is going on in
foreign countries.
Washington Murrlnco Companies.
Philadelphia Lodger : A number of
clerks in the treasury department have
formed a marriage insurance company.
Twenty , of them have already paid fij
tlieir iu.ltiatinn.f g Rncj jjlodgocf them
selves to stand by the contract. The
number is limited to lifty. They agree to
pay 1(100 each when ono of the members
trots married. A marriage in the asso
ciation is expected within a few days.and
then there will be a test of the practical
working of the organization. It is said
that in ono of the most fashionable clubs
in Washington a close corporation con
sisting of ton or twelve of the young and
single members has boon formed for the
purpose of marrying into wealthy fami
lies. A contract is signed by each ono
entering the organization to pay , within
one year of the time of marriage , ton per
cent , of the money and property ob
tained by the marriage. It is agreed in
the compact that the energy and influ
ence of each member shall bo exercised
without restriction to the success of the
end aiuiod at. Each man is agent for
himself or some other member of the or
ganization , and * has his eyes wide open
to ascertain where profitable marriages
can bo made. When a courtship is begun -
gun then the combination begins to
work , and all kinds of schemes are mi-
uipulatcd to make his cllorts successful
Can n Man Open Ills Wife's Letters ?
St. James' Gazette : The Parisian ad
vocates discussed the delicate question
"Has a husband aright to open his wife's
letters" at their last conference , and
they decided that ho has. A journalist
who lias consulted several extra-legal
lun.inaries on the point lind them , with a
single exception , in substantial agree
ment with the lawyers. An enlightened
priest , whoso name is not given , an
swered that the doctrine of the church
was that the husband was master of the
house , and that ho had , therefore , a per
fect right to open his wife's letters , M.
de Presscnso , the leading Protestant pas
tor in Paris , was somewhat less allirma-
tivo ; though , as regards wives who had
anything to fear from the exercise of the
right , ho supported the decision of the
barristers , while in the case of a good
wife he could not see how it mattered
either way. Alexandra Dumas , looking
at the question from a historico-philoso
phical standpoint , contended that what
wo know of Adam and ETO in the Garden
of Kdcn , clearly establishes the right of
the husband to inspect his wife's corre
ipondenco. Mmo. Peyrebune/s answer
was also in the affirmative , though slu
added that the question wis : of no practl
cal Importance , as compromising lotion
are never sent through the post. Mme
Adam wns the only dissentient. In hoi
opinion the husband who opened hi
wife's letters was nothing more or less
than a blackguard ,
For Hotter for Worac.
"For better for worsn" is the hcadinf
of an article in the Forum for April fron
the pen of the author of "John Halifax
Gentleman. " The writer begins b
pointing out the flippancy with whicl
these words are usually repeatedand tin
pitywhich young creatures fuel for those
who stand outside the gate of main
niony. They are to be pitied , she says
for "single life is necessarily an impor
feet life , " nevertheless there are onlj
nniu among the thousands who have
known the rapture of love who live to
know the "comfort of marriage" the
unity of interests , the entire rnlla'nco , the
faithful companionship , and the certainty
that nothing but death will over separate ,
The worldly side of marriage has been
niudh discussed. Our author takes the
moral and spiritual and the woman's side
of the question. It i.s a man's preroga
tive to woo and win ; if his marria"o
turn.- ) out to bo a mistake ho has ordi
narily only himself to blame. Women
are prone to yield to persuasion : poverty ,
pride , disappointment and other more
ignoble motives tempt myriads of them
to marry in haste , etc. . and they wako
up to lind themselves like the creature
fallen into a bog , where the more it
struggles the deeper it sinks. And her
struggles arc for the most part dumb.
Not always !
A MIDDU : AOI : ov MISKHY.
Scores of silly women grieve upon the
minor miseries of life instead of taking
them and the hu.sband "for bettor , for
worse , " and striving by all conceivable
moans.by patience , by.self-denialby cour
age when necessary.and by silence endur
ance , always to chaugo worse into bet
ter. This can bo done and is often done.
If we who have lived long enough to
look back on lifo with larger vision than
the young are often saddened to
sec how many of the most pasiionato love
marriages melt away into ; \ middle-ago of
misery , we have also seen others which ,
beginning in error , and possessing all
the elements of future wretchedness ,
have yet by wise conduct , generally on
the wife's side , ended in something not
far short of happiness. Every woman
who marries has to learn , soon or late ,
that no two human beings can be tied to
gether for lifo without finding endless
dilllcultios , not only in the world outside
but in each othur. These have to bo
solved and goncnilly by the wifn. She
must have a strong heart , a sweet
temper , an unlimited patience and ,
above all , a power to see the right and
do it.
"ALT. AVOHSI : AND xo iiirrrnu. "
The writer follows those remarks by
the declaration that she does not write
for those whoso matrimonial lot is the
average one , but those to whom mar
riage lias turned out "all worse and no
better , " who are bound with a heavy
chain , the iron of whieli enters their vorv
soul , and from which death holds out the
only hope of escape. The question
raised is how long women should endure
the chain. The opposite question , as to
how a man should deal with a bad wife
is not considered. "Men are the law
makers , and can bo trusted to take care
of themselves. "
NEW VIEWS OF WOMAN.
Public sentiment has changed since the
days when Christianity taught that woman
was absorbed by man. "bono of his bone
and flesh of his flesh , " with no rights of
her own , but there is still a lurking feel
ing in favor of the man and ngainst the
woman , a clinging to the letter of the
law , "Those whom God hath joined to
gether let no man put asunder , " forget
ting that many marriages seem made not
by God but , if I may say it , by the devil ,
and that even the marriage service itself
warns us that "as many as are coupled
together otherwise than as God's ' word
doth allow are not joined together by
'
Him , neither is their matrimony lawful. "
SKLF-SAOUIFICK NOT THE UIOIIT T1IINO.
"Many marriages are unlawful from
the first , " continues the writer , "and
many more that become unlawful after
ward , to continue in which is far more
sinful than to break them. Hosides infi
delity , the ono cause for which English
law justifies a woman in quitting nor hus
band , there are other wrongs , equally
cruel and equally fatal in result , which
society allows her to endure to the bitter
end. A man may be a confirmed drunk
ard , a spendthrift , a liar , a scoundrel so
complete that no honest gentle
man would admit him within
tils doors ; and yet the wretched
woman , his wife , is expected to 'do her
duty , ' to stick to him through thick and
thin BO goes the phrase. She must shut
her eyes to all his sins , and make behove
to herself and the world at largo that
none exist ; 'obey him and serve him' ac
cording to her marriage vow ; continue
to be mo mistress of his house , and
most terrible late of all ! the mother of
his children. And the world , oven the
virtuous half of it , will uphold her , praise
her. allirming that she only does what
every loyal wife ought to do , and that
she is quite in the right to do it. I say
s'.io is in the wrong , oulpablv in the
wrong ; that her noble cnduranro , falsely
so-called , is mere cowardice , and her
conjugal submission a degradation as
sinful as that of many a woman who
omils the marriage ceremony altogether.
Even her self-sacrilico i.s a crime , for it
does not end with herself. "
And hero is where , the writer think ?
cud.uran.ee sbould cmi. The childless
wife may immolate herself upon the
moral siittco if she chooses , but a wo
man's first duty is to her children , and
whore it clashes with her duty to her
husband there is no doubt which she
should choose. A man can take care of
himsoif ; can ruin or save himself , but
very seldom can a woman save a thor
oughly bad husband. Nor is she respon
sible for him beyond a certain extent.
She is responsible for her children from
the hour ot their birth.
Till : FIUbT IWTV TO THK CHIMWnN.
No more fault or misfortune , such as
Incompatibility of temper , hopeless sick
ness or worldly ruin does in the least abrogate -
rogato that solemn "for bettor , for
worse ; " but vice does , Confirmed drunk
enness , evil courses of any kind , utter
lack of principle , cruel tyranny , or that
violence of temper whinh is akin to mad
ness and as dangerous ; anything which
compels a woman to say to her children
that to servo God they must not imltato
their father , warrants her in quitting him"
and taking them away from him. When
ever things como to that pass that the
vileness of the tathor will destroy the
children , physically and morally , then
the mother's course is clear. She must
slave thorn , not sulfur the father's sins to
bight their whole future oxistonco. For
let mo dare to utter the plain truth
they ought never to have existed at all
To make a drunkard , n debauchee , a
scoundrel of any sort , the father of lior
children is , to any righteous woman , a
sin al most equivalent to ohlld-inurdor.
And she slays not only their bodies but
their souls ; entailing on them an hered
itary curse which may not bo rooted out
lorgouorations.
8KPA NATION AS A HEMEDV.
Therefore , for any goodwomanmarried
to a thoroughly bad man.thoro is but ono
duty separation. Not divorce , for that ,
by permitting re-inatriago , which the
victim would seldom or never desire ,
would allow the victimizcr to carry into
a now homo the misery ho has inflicted
on the former one ; but legal separation ,
n raensa ot thoro.to be easily and cheaply
attainable by all classes ; giving to the
wife the position of a widow , and to the
children the safety of being fatherless ,
for a bad father is worse thnn none. Tim
question of maintenance pi children ia
full of dillicultics , but the writer thinks :
that .in order to prevent mercenary possi-
blhties , and place separation 'on
moral grounds.thoojipii ol the children
should fall upon tlio mer.
UIVOIIPE NOT-'liMKDV. '
Hy the outside wotli ! a condition of
quasl-widowhood shotlbo held in no
way dishonorable , lit would attach
none of the decr.-ufntienf divorce , ami
the faet that separations easy would
make divorce more difjlt. Easy di
vorce gives no consblntito innocense ,
meanwhile offering a onium to guilt.
Marriage has a safugultn that it can
never bu undone ; no enily power can
ever place either partyIhe same posi
tion as before their uniu The mistake
known to bo irrevo-'al may bn par
tially remedied , but vh irremediable
the utmost that both 'f ' es can expect
is to get as free fronlno another as
they can. Speaking ijwomcn and for
women , our author dbts if divorce
should over bo permisilo.
The points made bthls writer are
worthy of conslderatioand may throw
soinu light on the vex < * question , while
thu theory of protcctntho children , at
any sacralice , will cs ially appeal to
every mother-heart ,
THE ENGINES STORY.
H\l \ Illicit M.'nrtuw. '
"ft was when I wicunnlng on the
White Mountain roadfaid the engineer
shifting a big quid of laccoto the other
side of his mouth , "limns you've seen
the lino. Curves and -ad'os on it arc
enough to imtlco a fclle hair stand on
cnd.lll was just inarr } then , and Mcll
and 1 were just abouas happy as wo
could be , the only dra > aek to our hap
piness being the fact ( at I hud to run
the late express everjthcr night up to
Fnityiin's , and the acmmodation back
the tiuxt day. Moll ua to be afraid to
have mo go , ami usj to worry every
night. 1 knew she difor the road was
new and accidents wol happen in spite
of everything. Hut ( s pay was good
and so 1 stuck by.
"Well , one night IJummry ono ' < >
my off nights the sicrintciidmit sent
for mo and said :
" 'Jim , there's a pat of Hoston men
want to go up throiiglhu mountains to
night , and we'll have run n special.
Can you take it ? 1 knv it's your night
oil , but I'll ' make it aubjeet to you. '
' "Well , I'll go , says , 'of course , but
it's going to bo a bad iht up there. ' "
" 'That's so , I'm ami , ' says he. 'Hut
the directors say the ; must get thro'
anyway. And i know can relv on you
to get them through. '
"So 1 went hack hoe and told Mcll ,
I never saw Mell actso cut up about
anything. It seemed | she couldn't lot
mo go , anyhow , thotii she was usually
very brave.
"Hut 1 cheered her u and laughed at
her fears as well asl could , and she
helped mo off with a'aco that tried to
smile. And as I went it she said :
" 'If you must go , yoimust. But , Jim
and such a queer lee came over her
do be careful at the Cury Mountain cut. ' "
" 1 scarcely hoard wit she said , for I
was already outside | u door , and the
snow was blowing in ir face like fun ,
Hut I was soon abourUny machine and
backing into thu'statlo.
"At 10 o'clock we lined on the steam
and st rtcd. It was i , jarful night. I've
seen terrible wovtliorii ; | the mountains ,
but 1 never know an tnginn to tremble
in the wind as she Jtt that night. We
had. the right of waiover all the othoi
trains , and were ouV to stop once for
water. So I opened ta | throttle and jusl
lot her go. i'
"The mountains , [ on a winter night ,
are a good deal ditl'ufcntfrom what they
bo on a summer ( ay , lot mo toll you
They loom up twiow at high , with theii
snow-covered sides , aid seem like big
glum giants stundiiu guard over the
valley. The eihimm { nu desolation awe
you , and it didn't teem right to gc
shrieking and stoamiiigalongthe way w <
did that night. The Korm had lot loose
all tliii evil spirits in he air. and the wiiu
swept down with a f < rco that could be
heard above the nofce of the tram. II
whistled and veiled a the cab window ,
and the great trees uckcd and seemci
to hold out their loni arms in warning
Either the wind ami he night or somn
thing else , had been lopressing mo al
the way , and as wo go fairly among tin
niountains I felt an a ful weight of aux
ioty on my mind. I lot my post in a nun
ute , and looked axidisly ever the ma
chine , wondering if tloro could be any
thing the matter win her though slu
was as staunch and rue , always , as tin
sun. All at once , unfor the gloom of tlu
majestic mountain sides , my wifo'f
words came back :
"Ho careful at th < Curve Mountaii :
cut. "
"O " "I'm fool
, nonesensol"say I. a
If there was miythingivrong the up trail-
two hours ago would | mvo found it oui
and signaled us. "
"But in spite of mo , that 'Ho careful ai
the Curve mountain ( jut , * kept ringint
in my ears.
" 1 ain't naturally siporstltious , and 1
didn't know what to , make of myself
And to prove that I wasn't I put on al
the steam and the waj wo whizzed alom ,
w.is a caution. "
"A tall white birch n a spur of the
mountain was a land-nark that sliowci
the curve cut. I determined to put hoi
through thu cut tit full speed , and pu
my hand on the throUlo to pull open tin
I I A . . . _ . _ _ i ;
I was doing. And bei'oro I knew it 1 hat
opened thu nicotine : Inuso for all she wa :
worth. The traih caiio to a stand still
and before Dan ( ho was llring for mi
then ) could ask a qucttion , 1 had jtimpui
oil'thu cab and was wit on the truck.
"Not u thina was oat of place , ever ;
rail secure and the cut was nil riirlit a
far as I could sue. "
' "Idiots ! " ar.ys I to mvsolf. 'So inucl
for nonsense ; but it will cost you you
placo.
"The conductor ind brakeman hiu
como out to sue what was the mutter
and , more to avoid meeting thorn am
owning my slily fears than anything olsi
1 walked onn little.
"Just 'round the curve was n great tro
trunk , blown across thu track. ( Joinj
nearer , 1 saw it'Wasu't ' a trco at all , bu
u stick of timber , nad it was fastenut
down to thu rails I
"If M rushed on , sfa I mount to , wi
should have boeif thrown down a precipice
pice , hundreds of feet , aimiu < : the rouks
"I lull you , my hair stood on end for
minute.
"What's up ! " says the conductor , com
ing up with the other uoys.
' "Nothing , but tlmt'says I , polntinj
to the track ; 'In two minutes wo woul
everyone of us Uccnulown there on th
rocks that is , our' bodies would ,
reckon 1 didn't' her
pijll up any to
quick.1
" \Vell \ , a more craloful sot of men tha
them same pompous , big Hostonlan
wore you never iaaw. Ami this watoli
nn elegant gold ono , too good for mo
th cy gave mo. A peep into the jaws c
death puts rich mid poor on thu sum
level.
"Tlioy wouldn't lot mo louvo tliei
party , but tool ; mo on to Montreal an
Quobuo with thorn , and such u time ns
had seeing the sights for a few days.
"Aloll glad to see mo ? Well , you cai
gue s. . And moro'n u month ofterwari
bho said onn day :
"Such u queer dream as I had ubou
you , Jim , t'-ut ' mcht. 1 dreamed 1 wa
on the engine with you , nnd wo wcr
going al n frightful rale. Way in tin
dislunco i could sco u big log on th
truck , but you couldn't. 'And yo
Blurted to open the throttle und go fastci
but I criud , "Not that one Jim , th
brake. " And then I woke up. ' Hut m
train's ready aud I must go. Gooil-rby.
SPARKLING SPRING SMILES ,
Iclcna Halstead Herrick the Erudite
"Bean" Hello in Rhyme ,
SUNSHINE SUCCEED SACKCLOTH
"Jho Knock-Kneed" NVgro ncforc
nml Ancr the Ititor-Stato Iinw
A Vury Mean Trick Citrront
Funny in en' * Talk.
An Krudlto Mnlil.
Kium I'nck.
Helen Ilalstcd llerrlck was an erudite young
maiden ,
Who lived In liostonwlicrc , 'tis said , much
ortulltlon > : ro\vs :
With a woisht of wondrous learning was her
youthful mind o'crlnden ,
And , to her , a bloom meant Hotany , and
not n simple ruse.
She translated Creek and Sanscrit , and she
"did undo the IVrsinn ; " .
Carlislenml HprburtSpcncor helped to feed
lu-rhungry brain ;
While for traslir.fllghty writers she professed
a great aversion ,
And turned her Grecian nose aloft with
Infinite disdain.
She explained with tin feet clearness all her
views on evolution ,
And told with modest prldo about her first
ancestor's birth.
His pic-Adamltc and gtobullto and airy con
stitution
When ho first formed himself to live upon
this sordid earth.
She entered n Chautnumia class to stud her-
sell with knowledge ,
And .studied many mouldy books slie could
not understand ;
And all the brilliant graduates from Yale
nnd Harvard college
Declared she as the brightest girl through
out their Yankee land ,
Indeed , when all the world was dark her bea
con burned moat brightly ;
What think you she was conning through
the secret midnight hours ?
Why , the novels by The Duchessmost , frivol
ous and spilihtly.
Where the love talk and the nonsense and
the kisses came in showers.
Hail Done Well m the West.
Chicago Herald : "I'vo struck it rich
out west , " said a passenger from Kansas
City , "and am going back to see my folks
and tell 'em what a success I'vo made.
Let's see , it's now 'bout three years since
1 went west without a dollar to my name ,
and now 1 can swing a coo ) hundred
thousand. That's pretty good , ain't it "
"Yes , good enough. Milling ? "
"No1 . ? '
"Cattle ? "
"Nawp. "
"Kansas City real estate ? "
"Not any.
"Ah ! Member of legislature ? "
"No , sirree. "
"What , then ? "
"Running a drug store in a red-hot
prohibition town in Kansas. "
Dtst'oarncinu HiK EfTortfl.
Arkansaw Traveler : A knock-kneed
young negro wont into a book store , and
after spending some time in rubbing the
show case with his elbow , evidently wait
ing until ho could speak withourbeiug
overheard " , he nodded to a clerk and
asked :
"Say , is yor got any dat sorter ink dat
fades out er week ur so artor yor write
wid itY"
"What do you want with suth Ink ? "
"Needs it in my bus'ncss , sah. "
"What is your business ? "
' 'Wall , sah , dar's cr culled man down
whar I lib dat lends money on mort
gages. Year 'fo' last ho got Iwo mules
an 'or wagon frum me ; las' year lie got
six bales o' cotton , an' now dis yeah he's
laid his plans fur gobbliu' me up alter-
gedder ; so 1 want ter berry all do money
I ken frum him an' gin him a mortgage
wrote in dat fadin' ink. Er haw , haw-
it makes mo laugh tcr think erbout it.
( ) lo rascaltako out his papers when dor
time fur de payin' o' de money comes ,
an , huh , his ole lip drop clar down to do1
Ho' 'ca'so dar ain't no mortgage dar.
Look roun , ' sail , an1 see if yer kain't line
some. Fetch yer er mess cr squirrels an'
payvcrfurit besides , "
'We've got no such ink in our Ftock. "
"All right , sah , all right. Ef yer doan
want to ho'p or po' men make er hones'
libln w'y it ain't no fault o' mine. "
The Passing of the Pnss.
Tim days are passing swiftly by ,
The niirhts are pnsslng too ;
And things aie pas-sin ; ; all save I ,
Sly dear old pass , on you.
I'vo traveled on thco many a league ,
O'er rivers , streams nnd rills ,
Nor knew I once the least fatigue
In crossing plains or hills ;
For thou wert ever by my side
What need had 1 for care'.1
Hut. now 1 never more shall tide ,
Unless I nay my faro.
Mv curses shall follow everywhere
The I. S. commerce bill ;
And may thu man who drew It share
Its poison to his fdll
Oh 1 may he never , never Know
The joy of riding free ,
But trump the country to and fro
Through all eternity.
And if that man I ever meet ,
What ecstaey I'll feel
In seeine him limp on blistering feet ,
And hop on festered lippl.
Adieu , old friend , for you're called In ,
Our fate wo must obey :
Co ! back to him who gave tlieo mo
The geulnl 0.1' . A.
llefbrg and After : he Ihier-sitato haw
Norwich llultetin ,
A 1'rlsonor'n Defcnje.
A remarkable scene was witnessed In a
Brooklyn court the other day.
Ono William Henry was arraigned on
the charge of burglary.
"Will I be allowed to defend myselff'
asked the prisoner ;
"Certainly , " replied the judge , "it it
your righW
William Henry waited to hoar no more
He sailed into the bench like a small cy <
clone and cure the judge A clipper in hie
neb and a dilfin his bread-basket. Pulled
away from , his honor by a couple of ofli
ccrs , ho at once proceeded to lay them
on their backs , and then turned his at
tention to the jury box. With one fell
swoop ho knocked out six jurors' , where
upon thu others sei/.ud their huts and pre
cipitately Ilcd from the court-room. Tim
prisoner then made for the shorilV , but
that olllccr hud liecn reinforced by n
stronc posse , ni\\ ( \ after a dcsporntc strug-
clo William Henry was bound hand nnd
foot sun ! strapped dowli to a chair.
Mutual explanations then oiisuod , and
the prisoner was informed that us his
line of defense wns totally out of order ,
u lawyer would bo appointed to conduct
it for him. llesult , ten years in Slug
Sing ,
The nimclcnt IctitlijrosnimiB.
There was once nn Ichthyosaurus ,
Who llvpd when the earth wns all porus ,
Hut he fainted with shame
When he lirst heard his mine ,
And departed n IOIIK time before us.
A Very Mean Trick.
The Evening Sun , Mr. Dana's new en-
torprke , has been printing a great many
nnltoring letter * and not n few pooms.
written by admiring readers. It printed
the following Tuesday lust :
noon ADVICK TO AIIVKI-.TIRKKS.
Dclljzhti'd nrn they who at end of the day
Are blessed with the Evening Sun , bun ,
Sun ;
No pauer on earth can equal Its worth ,
And yet it Is only UCKUII , etui , nun.
It's newsy nnd Orl'ht ( and able to Kiht.
Sn that it will never eel lull , loft , lolt.
Ami evcrylino will sparkle nud Bhlne
Fioin pencils rcniatkablv deft , deft , deft.
Head always , you know , by a million or so ,
Advertisements In It will pay , nay , pay ;
Unrivaled by all , it bolue so small ,
Distinctly each ad. will display , play , play.
Take the first letter of the lirst word in
ouch line , read downward , and you will
lind the acrostic : "Dana is u Fraud. "
Nothing has been seen of the Sun'3
ollico cat since the "poem" was printed.
How tlio Court UlmrRcd tlio Jury.
"If the jury believe from the evidence
that the plaintiff und defendant wore
partners in the grocery and that the
plaintiff bought out the defendant und
gave his note for the interest , und the
defendant paid for the note by deliver
ing to the plaintiff a cow. which ho war
ranted not 'brcchy,1 and the warranty
was broke by reason of the brcchincss of
the cow , nml ho drove the cow b.xok nnd
tendered her to the dcfundaut , but the de
fendant refused her , and the plaintiff
tooK her homo again and put a heavy
yoke or poke upon her to prevent her
from jumping the fence , and by reason ol
the voko or poke she broke her nock and
died" ; mid ) f the jury further bollovo that
the defendant's Interest in the grocery
WIIH worth anything , the plaintiff's notii
worthless nnd the cow good for nothing ,
either for milk or beef , thou the jury
must lind out for thunisolvcs how they
will decide the cases for the court , if it
understands Itself , don't know how sued
a case should bu decided.
Spring Clean Inc.
All peace and all pleasure are baiiUlicJ ,
Abroad now 1 cladly would roam ,
My quiet nnd comfort have vanished ;
A uesolalo wrcois Is my home I
Thn painters nrc nil In possession ,
The charwomen cniue by the score ;
The whitewash ? troop In possession ,
And spatter from celling to floor.
I own 1 must make a confession
Spring cleaning's a terrible boiel
Tlicj conir In thu morn I nt at daybreak ,
Just when I'm torKCttlm ; my cares ,
And Into my slumbers How they break ,
With bustle nnd tramp on the stairs !
They luuih ; and they whistle and chatter ,
They paint , omlthoy Tarnish and sire ;
They thump and they wranulp and cl.itter
And they drive away sleep from my eyi
The.y make mo as mnd as a natter ,
And cause me ai daybreak to rlso.
I dare not complain , notwithstanding
I'm fnint with the funios of white lend ;
And trio ever the nails on the landing
And paint pots fall down on uiy head 1
When ncht through my hall 1 go stuiiibllnu ,
I'm sick , and I'm sorry nnd HOIO ;
O'er ulanks and o'er ladders I'm tiuublinc ,
And net my Krentcoat painted o'er ;
To myscll I can scarcely help Krumbling- .
Spring cleaning's a terrible boicl
The Killing
A groccrvmuu was dying of constimii
tion.
tion."Ah
"Ah , " sighed his pastor , "tlio sands of
life nro slowly runninir out , but lie sweei
ons his lust hours by his consolation ol
religion. "
"Ugh , " grunted a deacon who had
bought groceries of him , "tho ruling pas
sion strong in death ; ho still puts sugar
in his sand , 1 sec. "
C/.nr nnrt Cznrlnn.
Cznnna ( coming into brcukfust ) Gooil
morning , my dcarvitchl
U/.ur Good morningscolf !
Cxiirinu Allow me to congratulate you
upon your escaping assassination duriii"
Iho night.
Czar Thankskil Will you plcaso lasln
the coflco to see if it' is poisoned ?
fl 5 - 09
rt 2 mia LU
5 31 * Ju" Is-sa ga
3 3,0 , = " oSc'C5 .25 a
3n M * tO t _ * ? ( * =
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&o B ! | Il | | | JsBlllslllll eton = 2C5
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aoO.&CMZ ; C.iH CO ° c "MM t ( A , rt
YOUM
Farnam Street.
FURNITURE ,
House Furnishing Goods.
Best Minnesota , $2.75.
Choice " $2.40.
Good " $2.00.
U'AJtllRX F. llltOWN , THE CASH GllOCEIt.
Northeast Corner St. Mary's ' Ave. ami 19th St.
The NewCash Furniture Store ,
1818 and 1820 St. Mary's Avenue.
C. 15. SILS11KK extends an invitation to 90,030 ol Omaha's inhabitants to call and
see what he has to sell. Ills Parlor Goods will dojou good to look at , and make you n'ad '
when you buy. And the girls will laugh when they sec it in the parlor. CALL AND SICK
THE 75th BRAND DRflW8N8. MAY 20th.
\o oit KKWAKI > S !
Ono Million Distributed Every Year
iiEAuuu ut"Vr u i.xrwuu HT MONKV i > ivimi : > AMONU A VKW I.UUKY jio.i
I1OI.UKU3 KVEUY 3 MONTIIM.
Only $2.00 required to secure one Royal Italian 103 francs gold bond. These bond
participate in lour drawings every year and retain their original valu
until the year 1914. Prices of 2,003,00 ! ) 1,000,033 , 530,033 , 250,000 , &c. francs will b
drawn , besides the certainty of receiving back 10i ) franca in gold , you may win 4 time
every year.
Thif U na afo , nnd t'ie bnst. investment ever offered , ns tUo Inrostod money must bo naU b.iok
vrbcnbnnd mimircs. Bond fornlroul.irt a fit will [ i y you ted ) , or xoiiil your onlord wllU tuouu/
or reffUtorod loiter , or postal nntns , nn J In return wo will forward the document * .
BEItLI.UANKINU CO. , JJ0.1 llruaduu } , Now York City.
X. B. These bonds arc not lottery tickets , and their ealc is legally pe rmlttcd in tlinU
S. by lawt of 1878.
_ _ _ _
HAHN'S NEW PHARMACY ,
1833 ST , MAItY'S AVENUE.
Try Hihn'a VioUt Powder for toilet usp. Full line of I'ulmor'i , Lundlor ) h'a and 1'nMinnu'i
I' rf umod alwuya on band. All good a ut M reaaouable prices ua quality of vooda will allow. '
lieiuectfully. ' . .
' ' . . . ( . HAHN'B , 182 it. KTwry'i ) jLveuua. ' ; . , r ;