Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, April 10, 1887, Page 10, Image 10
10 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY * APKIL 10 , 1887.-TWELVE PAGES FACTS FOR FAIR FEMININITY , T7hat the Daughter * of Oharlea Kingslcy Did for Themselves. WOMAN'S WORKS AND WAYS. A Itonanza Queen's Jewcla lirnililon'H IJI Income Ijomlon Micdlfiivomen The "Nlztit- Mate. Courtship. 7/'ir/cr ' * ] l < intr. It clmnecd , they say , upon a day , A furlong from the town , That she was strolling up thi way As lie was strolllnc down- olio liumiiilni ; low ns mialit be so , A ditty .sweet nnd sinull ; Ho wul&tllng loud n tune , you know , That had no tune nt all. It happened so precisely f > o As all their iricnds nnd neighbors know. As I nnd you perhaps mlzlit do. They cozed upon the ground ; lint wnon they'd 1:0110 n ynul or two , Of course they both looked round. They both were pained , they both explained What caused their eyes to roam ; Anil nothing nftcr that romalnud Hut ho should see herlioino. it hnppitno I so precisely .so As all tlu'ir frieiuU nnd neighbors know. Next day to that 'twas common chat , Admitting no debate , A bonnet close beside n lint NVns Bitting on a Kate. A month , not more , had bustled o'er , * When , urn vim : nod nnd smile , Onn bliiililni : soul came through the door , Where two went up the nlsln. It happened so precisely seAs As all their friends and neighbors know. GhnrlcH Klnesloy's IJnnchtcrs. Hose Klngsloy in Wide Awake : Lot me toll you how wo wore taught to help those who helped us iu our dear old homo at Evorslcy Rectory. Of course in a unsy house where everyone ono lias work to do , the servants cannot bo helped much week days : c.\ccpt by tlioughtfulness in little things. Hut there is the seventh day , when the chil dren have no lessons to do. This was what wo wcro tauclit to look upon as the "helpers' ' " day of rest , as far as wo could make it so. In the morning breakfast was cnrlior than usual. While wo wcro breaKfasting the maids were emptying our baths for they wore too heavy for ns children. As soon as breakfast was over wo trotted off to our rooms , made the beds , folded up ami put away all our clothes , dusted nnd in fact put tilings straight all round. Then we ran down to the dining rppm nnd laid the table for dinner ; and capital butlers we all became , I assure you. By these means the nmlds wcro all ready in their nice Sunday dresses to go to church With ns all at 11. Dinner Sunday no matter who was with us was at 1 o'clock instead of 7. Tliis was the only hot meal in the day. No cooking was done after 1 o'clock , as our supper was cold. At both dinner nnd supper the servants were sent away And wo waited at table. I laugh now when 1 think of the faces of horror of learned men or gallant soldiers who had come down to spend Sunday in the dear old rectory or ridden over from Sand- 'burst or Aldorshot to the morning ser vice. The ngoiiics they wont through at being waited on by the daughters of the 'house ' ! The struggles they made to bo .allowed to change their own plates ! And [ their resigned submission when , quietly told by their host , "It is the way of the house ! " Thnt was how wo were made to help the faithful and devoted servants who spent their lives in helping us. It was not tnueli. But it gave them an al most free Sunday. A Bonanza Queen's Crown < Jnwel4. Eclectic Magazine : It is said in Paris that Mrs John Mackay owns the linost jewels in the world. Two specimens certainly take precedence over any of the kind that are known. Ono is a sap phire that she bought for 1150,000 from a Itussian princo. It measures a centimetre , about four-tenths of an inch in diameter , nnd has no dcfeot. She also owns the most splendid emerala known. Among her other toys la a necklace of pearls worth $100,000 , and a set of corals , com prising a brooch , crown , bracelet , etc. , nil of the must delicate rose color , each piece covered with diamonds. It took two years searching to complete the col lection of gems , and there exists only one other like it , and that belongs to thu queen of Portugal. Further than these is a pair of solitaires worth $ 125,000. Ono of them was bought at the sain of the effects of the duke of Brunswick , and the jawolnr who was commissioned with se curing its mate was upward of two years in getting it. Most of these jewels , as well as a great quantity of valuable lace , will probably como , some day , to the Princess Colonna , the daughter of Mrs. Wackay. . Women Braver Than Men. Heading ( Pa. ) Herald : I was talking with a dentist the other day , anil , much to my surprise ho told mo that women underwent dental operations much better than men. llo said ho vastly-preferred women patients , because they were less trouble , submitted more easily to what was necessary to bo done and bore the little hurts necessary to such operations with greater fortitude. "A woman has much more endurance,11 be said. "As BOOH as you begin to operate on a man's toutli ho begins to fidget and shrink , nnd every time you touch n tender spot 'ho ' wants to jump out of his chair. His conduct makes the operator nervous and tired The average woman however , will eit through a whole afternoon of drilling and filing and hammering at her teeth like n major. Yon nro able to do moro more satisfactory work for bur , and feel leas fatigued when you have finished. A female gives a somewhat louder scream than a man when shu has a tooth pulled , but she approaches the forceps more bravely nnd is not BO apt to have the toothache scared away by the sight of the xlmitist , ns is no often the case with the patient of the male persuasion. " Making Themseltes Healthy. Now York Sun : The women are doing more , perhaps , to make themselves healthy and pretty than they ever did or liad a chance to do in modern times be fore. HorsebacK riding , swimming , walking , exorcising in gymnasiums , sparring , playing games that strengthen muscles and develop forms , and studying hygiene with as little study and as much fun as possible are some of their devices. Why , the young women are undergoing n revolution ! Their mothers don't know what to make of them though candor compels the admission that a great many of the mothers are paying as much at tention to the subject as any ono- except that they may not all have the now Kcienco down as finely a * that lily of the etugo who is described in thu provincial papers as taking a cold bath every morning - ing to preserve her health , washing her face with cold cream instead of water so us to avoid wrinkles , and walking like a postman to keep herself muscular. Mia * nraildnn'H nig Income. Cosmopolitan : Morel-writing now- ndays is a precarious and not very profit nblu nailing. A very fair price , as thing * , U fa.OOO for the serial rights of a full ingth story , and assuming that the au thor makes $100 by the throu-volumo edi tion , and as much by a cheap edition , his total profit would amount to $3,800 notgroat do&l , considering the labor nnd time that the writing of a novel ia volve * . On the other hand , there are ua doubtedly prizes , and if the writer nmchoa the lop of the tree and is aa pro iillo a * UU Druddon ho can make , if noi a great fortune , at any rate a handsomn neoino by his pen. Miss Draddon , I should think , makes more money by tic- Jon , than any other writer of the day. ! lcr fertility is prodigious I believe Miss Hraddon gem about $5ODO for the serial rights of a now story , and as she writes something like two a year , or at the rate of three In two years , her takings from this source alone must bo considerable. There may bo two or three writers who command ns high a price , but none who s equally popular and prolific. Whether her works will live is another thing. I am speaking of the present. London Needlewomen. All the Year Hound : The women en gaged in the shirt trade are to the full as ill oil' , as badly paid and as much to bo iiltied ns were their sister.s in the dav when Hood sang their sorrows and suf ferings. The woman who is solely de pendent upon hhop shirtmaking starves rather than lives by It. She soon be comes in very deed The seamstress , lean and weary and wan , With only the ghosts ot garments on , who In poverty , hunger and dirt , .Sews atonco with a double thread A shroud as well as a shirt. Happily many of the shirt hands are not dependent upon the earnings of their lecdlo. Numbers of thu married women of the poorer classes work at the shirt trade with a view of supplementing thn scanty wages of their husbands , nnd the additional income thus gained , though it may bo but three or four shillings a week , sensibly increases tno comfort of .ho household. Considering thu wretched prices paid for the work , the surprising : hing is that the women should earn even as much at it , as some of them do. Take the buttonholing the leading brancli of the work in Tenement street. The holes are rough punched in lie factories , the work of the outdoor lands being to stitch them round. This buttonholing is admittedly "niggling , " work , and yet the rate at which it is paid for by the sweaters is a penny per do/on collars. As each collar has three notes the hand , who finds her own needle and cotton , has to stitcli thirty-six holes for a ( cuny. Kvon HO , some of the experts by working long hours , by rising early on summer mornings and sitting late on winter fights , by living on food that is 'ready to bo put into the mouth , " clnelly bread and butter , and eating as they work ; by acting on these lines some of the btittonholers will earn as much as eight or nine shillings per week. The > rices p.iid by the manufacturers who ; lvo it out in the tint instance are prob- tbly such as would enable a skilled and ndustrious hand to make a living wage ; butas matters stand such men are al- nest compelled to employ middlemen , and the tender mercies of the sweater arc cruel. The Swedish Nightingale. ' * ) Mate. London Truth : Count do Casa do \Iiranda \ , now the lawful husband of Christine Nilsson , is the son of a lady who was governess to the late Queen Mercedes , and who wa ? raised to the rank of marchioness by King Alfonso. The count a good many years ago led a lioulovardicr sort of lifo in Pans. After the Spanish republic collapsed ho was en rapport with the Spanish embassy. His particular function was to work the press. Those journalists who wore m relation with him found him the pink of obliging courtesy , nnd ho was in a good many instances bon comarado. Ho could bo a "tartar" when ho liked , but ho pre ferred not to be ono often. If my mem ory does not deceive mo he was arrested in the winter of the siege as a French spy by the Prussians and taken to Ver sailles to bo interrogated by liismarok in person. The terrible chancellor made a conquest of him. New York Girls Who Walk. The New York Walking club there is a club , of course. Young America docs nothing singly has been organized within a month. Its binds its members , "Hociety" girls all , to live miles a day in fair weather , to two miles in foul. It has a club pace , a club costume and a club rendezvous. Three miles and a half an hour is the rate of motion it insists upon , and Wednesday afternoons are fixed for its grand meets. In the matter of weara bles It is at once latitudinarian and spe cific. It has abjured the corset was the like over heard before ? and high heels are a tabooed barbarism. Long skirts arc on the forbidden list , and walking jackets , with coat sleeves as far removed as possible from the arm-confining dolman man , are written down arpong the neces saries. Women's Rights in France. A French deputy has made u proposal to amend the law relating to women's civil rights in Franco. There is much need for some alteration , for , although women have have perhaps played a more important role in the history of Franco than any other country , they have been persistently refused the ordinary liberties which the Hex enjoys elsewhere. As the law stands at present , women in Franco may do what they like with their personal property ; they may carry on . business as merchants and In many cases they are 'head of commercial houses but their privileges stop there. Single or married they cannot bo witnesses iu civil suits ; they cannot attest a birth or a death , tes tify to the identity of a person known to them , nor take part in family councils. M. Ernest Lofovro's proposition , which will likely bo adopted by the chamber , will remove these inequalities. Adventures of Two Plucky Girls. St. Paul ( Minn.l dispatch in Now York Herald : A singular and romantic story comes by telegraph from Windom , Minn. , a small town in tha southwestern part of the state. Two young children wan dered into thu town on Saturday oven- ing. Their ages were about fourteen and sixteen. They gave their names as Charles and Hertio IJyers , of Hochestcr , N. Y. It was soon discovered thnt they were girls in boys' clothing , and then they admitted their names were Katie and Lily Hyors. Their story was that when very small they lived at Lindsay , Out. They removed to Rochester after their parents' death , being taken there by u brother , W. A , Hyors , now a resi dent of Calgary , Northwest territory. Being badly treated at Hooiioster , they started without money to join their brother at Calgary. In order to gel away they dressed in male attiio. Their trip from Rochester to Wiudom was made on foot and in box cars as tramps. Tnuy are cared for at Windom. W. A Uyern , at Calgary , has been communi cated with. Gosulp for the Ladles. There are 00,000 women farmers in Ireland. In South America the ladies have a custom of throwing valuable fans upon the stage instead of bouquets. A woman in Ohio oats notning but pie. Shohaa not tabled meat , bread , or veget ables for sixteen years. The two ladies in the New York schoo board voted against eaoh other on the question of tilling a teacher for slapping b pupil. It Is estimated that 7,000 young women cara their living as governesses in pri vatu Kngliah families with salaries a $100 a year. Mine. Minnin Hank has boon appointed Oflicier del I'Academic for services rendered dered to French musical art a distinc tlou rarely conferred on a lady. The widow of Anthony Trollopo Is described scribed as n charming old lady witl lovely white hair. She is still one of the lights of the literary society la London. Mary Anderson , after studying Frencl in Paris , has decided to produce "A Winter's Talo" Tory elaborately at Not ingham , preparatory to her London oason. In Ontario nl | single women and widows with the proper qualifications can vote , and that is ono reason why all ho municipal o 111 curs m that province ire sueli sweet , mildmannorcd , go-homo- at 0 and wear-slippers kind of men. The girls at Covington , Ivy. , have orga- nl/.ed a boycott whlcli involves non-asso- Mntlon with young men who get drunk. J'ho girls have Introduced what no man 'iad wit enough to devise a boycott that ; ) both expedient and lawful. The Travelers' Aid Society , Instituted jy Lady Frances Hnlfour , lias for two years done an excellent work in befriend- ng unprotected girls and women travel ing in England , nnd has now extended "Is good otlices to embrace the seaport : owns. Three hundred voluntary local agents nro connected with the society. A now opening for women is the post- ion of "walking lady. " Her duties are o suffer herself to bo made an automaton o rush the season. This month , for in- > tancc , she appears in full spring cos tume at placca where women most do congregate , and , of course , attention is Utractcd to the peculiar style of gar- nents she wears , to the manifest ndvan- age of merchants who have those pocu- Irir styles for sale. She must have a line iguro. a pret'y face , anil youth to fill thu bill. At the professional matinee tendered by tlmo.liernhardt to the actors and actresses of New York the flower of the profession timed out. They went there entluisias- ic , they grew wildly so as they sat hrough the four acts of "Fedora , " osssd flowers upon the stage , cheered vitli exceptional intensity , wept with ervor.and generally "took on" in a great vay. It was a gala day for the French itar , for the American stars and starlets , and for the managers , and in fact for everybody. During 1830 the higher classes for cirls n St. Petersburg were attended by 713 Indents , a considcarblo increase upon he figures in former years. Ever since 804 it has been possible tor women to ob- ain university degrees in Russia , and in L870 the ranks of medicine were opened o them. Sweden followed the example n a few months , and was therein soon oincd by Norway. At the recent ex amination of medical students at St. 'ctursburg ' fifty-four ladies obtained the medical diploma. The thirty-eight omalo. students who have entered their names for the next examination will bo ho last to bo admitted to the Russian chool of medicine for women , which is about to be closed. Mine. Christine Nilsson , now Countess 2asa Miranda , was informed by an as- rologor that she would have trouble : rom two causes lire and lunatics. This > rcdiction was verified , for , during the vliicago lire she lost $ .20,000 , and when Joston was burned nor loss was $200,000. n Now York some years ago a crazy nan followed her for a week , believing hattlio words addressed by Marguerite o Faust were intended for himself. In Chicago a poor student decided to marry : ier , and wrote passionate letters , to which ho received no answer. Ono day 10 came in a superb sleigh , drawn by bur horses , to take his afliancod bride to the church. Mr. Jarrett quieted him by saying : "You are lato. Mile. Nilssou las gene there to wait for you. " The .bird insane person was her husband , il. Rouzeaud , who died in an asylum. RKLIGIOUS. Cardinal Yannntelll has beondennltely ap pointed to succeed CaidlualJacobinl us papal secretary of state. The Duke of Westminister will Rive 85,000 a year during the remainder of his lifo for the build 1 UK of churches in ( Sreat Britain. Twenty-two nieiubeis of the present senior class at Princeton college intend to enter the ministry , the largest proportion in many years. . Itev. Justin Dewey Fulton , D. D. , late pas tor of the IJuptlst tabernacle church In Brooklyn , has clvnn up the pulpit and started out In a crusade against Romanism. The Uuv. Kov. Dr. Itoburt K. Meredith , ot the Union Congregational church , Boston , will succeed Dr. Pentecost as pastor ot the Tompkin * Avenue Congregational church , Brooklyn , at the same salary , S7UOO. In his discourse at Trinity church. Boston , on the Sunday after Mr. Beechers death , Uev. Phillips Brooks declared that the three greatest Americ.ins of the century were D.iniel Webster , Abraham Lincoln , and Henry Ward Boecher. The Washington ascnts of the depart ment of the Women's Christian Temperance union for the suppression ot Impure litera ture , of which Mrs. Nellie H. Bradley is superintendent , Imvo declared war against cigar-store advertising carus representing the nude In art There Is a movement on foot In the Pro testant Kplscoiwl church to make provision for the widows and orphans of the clergy of their communion by the regular taxing of the chinches , similar to the tax for the support of the bishop , the tax to be Invested us a fund lor widows and orphans. A professor "of the art of training the memory adduces as a shining example of his success the case of a Connecticut cluigymau , who , after live lessons , was enabled to com mit to memory two sermons In two hours. lie thinks tlmt If clergymen in gennral should rcclto their sermons , rather than read them , the world would be better. The treasury department has denied to the "Ho Wong Joss House" ot tJan Francisco , a society established tor alleged religious pur poses , permission for the free entry of a hgnre of a dragon , representing the god or Joss Ho Won K. The tignre Is about one hundred leut long , and is composed of paper , silk , metal , glass , feathers , tinsel nnd goats' hair. The theological seminary established lit ty- llvo jears ago by the Society Evungelique , of Ccneva , inMilcli the well-known Merle D'Aubigno was most of his lito a professor , has trained and sent out 500 pastors and missionaries. Tim society's work , done at an expense of about fifty thousand dnllais 1ms permeated central and western Euiopo. Dr. Curran said to a Now York Herald re porter recently that the pope had directed Cardinal Gibbons to say for him to Dr. Mc- Glynn that ho saw nothing so far In t.ie land theories advanced by Dr. McClynn that vras contrary to Catholic teaching. Cardinal Uibbuns has communicated this expression of opinion of the holy father to Dr. McUlynn. Much interest has been excited by the an nouncement that Captain Condor , ot the Palestine exploration expedition , has suc ceeded in deciphering and translating the lilttlte Inscriptions. Ten principal texts are known , and Captain Cornier claims to have Interpreted all of them. Three of his translations , published In the London Times , are Invocations to the sun and water gods , and , appaiently , ' to the divinity ot tlio moon. A correspondent of the Boston Watchman pictures the perils of American students in UerniHiiy. "When It is known , " ho writes , upon what waves ot unbelief the student In a German university is compelled to ride. what tides of rationalism ha must stem , and what billows of positive Infidelity he Is to encounter , It behooves him and his friends to look wull to the boat In which he stirts out. It will not do for him to begin to paddlu with the oar of 'higher criticism' or rely upon the Hteam ot 'New Theology' to carry him through. " Dudley Ca t or Countenance. Washington Letter : Those beautiful days Mra. Cleveland always enjoys rid ing about m an open victoria. In thu mormngt while her husband is toiling and working up stairs In his library , his beautiful wife orders the carriage and iroos for a drive. Since her mother has been out west , Mrs. Cleveland has not gene out to Red Top , but has driven about the streets of the city. The other day an Englishman was walking on the street , when the nhite house carriage came alongand he saw Mrs. Cleveland for the tirst time. The fresh air had made her cheeks rod and rosy and she looked very beautiful. The Englishman was struck by her beauty , and exclaimed : "Ah ! she Is pretty. By far prettier than the pictures offered for sale in the London shops. She has the Dudley cast of countenance that refined and stately beauty which has made the Dudley beauty famous. No wo uder yon Ameri cans are proudof k . " HUMOR FOR CHAPPY HOURS , Rhyming Criticism of a Fashionable Church Service Audience- * MANAGING THE MERRY MULES. Qrorcr Confounds Two , Jims Musical Critics' Wealth "She Took the Cnke"-"lt AVns Ills Unit DeL" J At Church , Sundny Morning. The solemn church hell peallne on the car , ID brazen accuiufseems to say , "Coinu sliiclten hentt , and litul your solace hi'io : ComeDinner ; comoaml pray. " And fast they come arrayed In fashion's In silks and satins shimmering ponjcously , To lav the burdens of the. week aside , And bow the suppliant knee , [ f one could for the moment stand aloof Impersonal , with power to road the .stream Of thoughts uprising toward the lofty roof , How wondioUB strange 'twould seem ! frttr Nellie , honlnc she won't ct too stout , Her father acliuoinlnc to Incieaso his hoard , While over all the preacher's voice rings out , "Hear us , good hord. " AVlille Cliaillo prays the tailor will RVO ! time , Aland sighs for gowns she knows she can't allYiHl , An.d Helen hopes that flirting Is no sin , "Hear us , good Lord. " Some wish for luxuries and some for love , Soinn for reventn.1 , seine only sign for rest , Some lix their souls upon the realms abuvo , Some laugh and jest. ! often wonder docs the preacher know What UPS behind the masks of seriousness Jpturncd before him. placlil , row on row , 1 wonder dons he guess ! iVell , I myself have little cause for pride For following aimlessly this Idle dienm instead of listening rapt and eager-eyed , Unto the pietchers : theme. The benediction finished , wo arise , Let's vow while going to our several din ners , To try to be. so far as In us lies , A decent lot of "miserable sinners. " Grover Thought it was Jim Blaine. Washington Critic : "Daniel , " re marked the president this morning , as lie sat at his desk , absent-mindedly scrib bling 1883 on his blotter pad. . "Ye. , sire , " responded Daniel. "Have you noticed by the papers thnt wo are to have 'Jim , the Penman , ' in town soon ! " 'Yes , sire. " ' \Vell \ , some ono told mo ho had scon it announced , but I haVun't seen anything of it. What do you suppose ho is coming inro for , Daniel ? " "Ho , sire ? " asked Daniel with a puz zled look. 'Of coarse , Daniel. You wouldn't refer - fer to Jim Hlaine as 'she , ' would you ? " replied the president sharply. Certainly not , sire. But what has Mr. fllaine got to do with it ? " " "That's what I want to know , Daniel. " 'Uut , sire , 'Jim , the Penman,1 is a play they are going to give hero for the bene- lit of the actors''Tund , and Mr. Blame lias absolutely nothing to do with it. " "A play , Daniel ? a play ? " and the president pressed , hishands , over his tem ples. "Yes , sire. " . , "Well , why in thunder don't they give it another name , so a.busy man can tell the difference between politics and the drama ? " J It Was III * 'Last Deal. San FranciscQ Chronicle : He was dying. Ho had been a speculator in stocks when ho was rich , a broker when ho was half bankrupt , and a chipper all the rest of his life. Ho hud held up the railings in Pauper alloy for years , and ho had stuck by the Comstock through all its darkest days. Life's , margin was ex hausted , and ho was about to bo sold out of existence. The doctor.had given him up , and his wife , who through all his visionary life had made believe to see with his eves , was by his bedside. "I'm going , wife. This is my last deal. I would like you to bury me " "Whore , John ? " "With my money , wife , with my , money. " "Your money ! What are you talking about ? " " Halo & Norcross. " "Bury me in . Couldn't Frighten Him. Boston Courier : A tramp walked" into a bar room , and , holding a pear-shaped object in his hand , said to the bar tender : "Gimme a drink or I'll explode this bomb. " "You're going to lire that bomb , are you ? " said the bartender. "I am if you don't give mo a drink , " Thnn the bartender climbed over the bar and ttiking the tramp by the collar and another portion of his nppparal , ran him to the door and pitched him head foremost into a show-drift. As the trump was picking the snow out of his oars and nostrils , the bar tender asked with a pleasant smile : "What do you think of that in the way of firing a bum ? " She Took the Cake. ' Twas at the "Ladles' Annual Fair , " The church with lights was gay. On either side the fancy work Was spread in britilit array. To swell the "Heathen Mission Fund , " A beautiful collation Appealed to oveiy hungry man With toothsome Invitation. Behind the scenes with busy zeal , Urisk workers deftly sliced The \arlous kinds of coldun cake , Plain , ralslnod , jellied , iced. And as they sliced , those women bold Discussed with reckless fever , CTho merits of each shortened loaf The motive of eaeh giver. Some cakes wore burned , some cakes weren't light , Some wore too stiong with spices , On many a cake the Iclne cracked \Vlion cut up Into slices. "My I here's a loaf that beats the whole , " Oiled Mrs. Urown. so mprry , Just look , Miss Smith , what Is the stuff , Molasses , doush or Jelly ? "Whoever could have sent It In ? "Tho maker ouzht to buy it ; Who elsncould swallow such a moss ? Ibhouldn'td.irototry . It , " "Thanks Mrs. Brown , " said Mrs. Smith Her voice with rase aslmko , "It may relieve your mind to learn i donated th.it cako. " # 'TIs well a certain rhyme to heed , It bids us nil taKe care Of whom we apuMc , of what wo speak , And how , and wlion , and where. A , Hot Easily AVon. Robinson Didyou'over notice. Brown , the habit Dumloy liis | of saying "What's that ? " to every remark made to him. Brown No ; Ijliink you're mistaken , Robinson. , Hoblnson I'll hot you $3 that you can't make a ntinurk-that ha won't say "What's that ? " > Brown ( puts up the money and accosts Dumloy ) Will you'have something to drink , Duraloy ? Dumloy Dontcarefido. How Musical Critics Grow Wealthy Musical Herald : A man has just died in Now York worth $503,000. This in itself is not very strange , but when the statement is added that ho was a musical critic , the world at largo may be curious to know how it is that musical critics grow so wealthy. Wo will gladly throw homo light on the subject. The music critic generally suffers from only ono malady. The constant chafing of the scissors used in cutting the coupons from his bonds often produces warts upon his fingers. That'll warts the matter with , him. Ho docs not got rich upon hlainlary. He attains wealth by economy , like the pretty actress who received a salary ol 919 a week , and was M economical that aha aaved | 50,0 0 out of it la ttiro * year * . rownnwsnnpcrs pay their critics more than f 500 a wock.wmlo In Boston salaries have been known to drop as low as $200. It is the perquisites that make up the bal ance. 1 lie Critics' protoptlvo union has established his perquisites as follows : TKNOIM. Calling thfin "silver-voiced1' ' . 815 00 Calling them "the modern Mario" . . . , 5000 Praising their high 1 Hat . 10 m 1'rulsliig their chest 0 . 3300 . . . . . . OPKASOS. . . Only rival of 1'attl" . S",0 00 "Pearly staccato" . yo oo "Llmnid sweetness" ' . 'JO 00 " ( Irand coloratura" . SO 00 "Magnllicout lloritura" . 80 oj ( "Tessitura " "Colorado " , Maduro" and a few other terms are thrown in free , but personal charms are extra. ) PIANISTS. "rreat American pianist" . zr , "Itlppltne tone" . S10 00 "Kecalla UtiDlnsteln" . 0 00 "llrcezy execution" . -10 00 [ It is understood that the mentioning of every pianist as "the favorite pupil of Lis/.t" is thrown In free with any of the above. ) Wo can not spare space to give the entire prioo list , but feel convinced that our readers will now understand why musical critics live in such splendor and leave such enormous fortunes. Managing a Mitt * . Tnctn lltwcll in the Into -Ocean. Yon , Nebuchudnez/ar , who s.ih , Where Is you tryln' to KO sah I Pse a holdln' on the lines You better stop ( tat prancln' , * You's powerful fond o' dancln' ; lint I'll but my ycah's advaiicln * lat ) I'll cure you ob your shines , Look heah , mule ! Hotter mln' out , Ku's t'lnR you know you'll lin' out , How quick I'll wear tils line out On jour tuly stubborn back. \ on npcdn' try to steal up An' IIP dat precious lu-el up ; Ynu's got to plough dis lie ! ' up ; You lias , soli , for a fac' . Dar , dat's do way to do It ! He's com In' rUht down to It ; Jes' watch him ploughing t'roo It ; Is ! nlirner ain't no fool. Some folks dcy would 'a beat htm , Now dat would only heat him ; 1 know jcs' how to treat him ; You must reason w Id' a mule. He minds me like a nigger ; If he w s only blzjjor He'd fetch a mltrhty liper ; Ho would , I tellyou I Yes , sail 1 See how ho keeps a-clickin , , He's as gentle as a chicken , An' nebber links o' kickln' Whoa , dahl Nebuchadnezzar ! Is dls lie.ih me , or not mo ? Or is lie dubbil got me ? Hab 1 laid Iieah uioie'n a week ? Dat mule do klukama/.lu' , De beast was spil'd in raisin' ; Bv now I 'spect he's Rrazln * On toddor bide do creek. A Poker Player Scared at a Small 1'nlr "You know Jimmy Saywell ? " said a traveler. "Yes. " "Well , he's a great poker player. " "Yes , he has the reputation of being ono of the best in the c'ty. Lots of nerve. Never known to back down before a small hand. " "Yes , but I saw him scared nearly to death at a small pair. " "Indeed. Who held it ? " "Tho nurse. They were twins. " Ho Know its Value. London Gazette A fellow living on Jack's creek during the war owed a gen- .tlctnHti some $20 , and as he could not pay he was rcmicstod to give his note for the amount. This ho readily assented to. Ho was then told that ho must put a twenty-cent stamp on thn note. "Twenty cents ! I wouldn't give 20 cents for the note. " ' _ Only Itclated by Marriage. San Francifcco Chronicle : It was a ball and ho had just come from the east. He bud been introduced to a lovelv creature. He told mo what she wore. Ho was one of these fellows who know what ladies wear , it was a sky-bluo tunic , trimmed with green lace and embroidered in gold with a skirt of Valenciennes linsey- wolsoy or something like that ; I don't remember. Ho hurt caught her name in introduction as Miss Something and ho was much touched by her beauty. But ho did not like the apparently very friendly terms she was on with another fellow , and began quietly pumping to iind out how things stood : J'Ho seems vcrv fond of you , " he said. % 'O he rather likes " , yes : me. "It looks very serious. " "O it's serious. " , no ; not very "But there is something ? " "Nothing out of the ordinary. " "Perhaps ho is a relation ? " ' Yes , ho's n relation. " ' "Brother or cousin ? " "Neither. He's only a relation by mar riage. He's my husband. " He Meant a Lilt , Yo Kticow. Washington Critic : "Have you got a raiser in the house ? " asked an Indiana man who registered at Willard's , late last night for ono night only. " 1 don't know of any , sir , " replied the clerk , "and the barber shop has been closed for two hours. " "Barber shop , thunder ! " exclaimed the impatient guest. "I don't want no bar ber shop. I'm tired out. Iw.inttogo up ctairs to bod. " "All right , sir , and I'll send the razor to you in the morning so you can shave before breakfast. " "Young man , " said the Indiunian , as a light dawned upon him , "you're off your base. I don't want no razor to shave with ; I want a raiser that'll got me up stairs without having to walk. " Then the clerk tumbled , and the bellboy boy led the guest over and put him in the elevator. CONQUERS PAIN. tff After a lapse nf yrart statement ! confirming the t&mcy of H. JacoU Oil aiui lit permanent cara , areijiecn below. Ex-Frost. St. John Ilaitl tSoe. I8B2. Musltc'gon , Michigan. Being nno of your pulicnts in the use of St. Jacob * Oil , iti u cnso of chroulo rheu matism , I can recommend it fully , an my Tmlnsarocec-slntf nud 1 am using a tlilra tottlo. NA17OLEON NOUMANDIN , From Same * Years Later. Muskugon. Mich. . Nov. 2 , 18S6. Buffered yearn with rhcnmnUsm In the legs , i-'uvr many doctors and nothing did mo any Rood. I tried a few bottles of St. Jacobs OIL The rheumatism entirely dis appeared. KAI'OLIXJN NOBMANDIN. An Editor' * Suffuraift bct. , 1880 , Bloomlngton , 111. I have had rbenmaUum lu my ankle for many years imd could get no relief. Three applications of St. Jacobs Oil liu From Same fl Team toter Cured. Bloomington , 111. , Oct. 18. 18M. I think it iron in I860 fit. JacobsOllcural mo of rheumatism. I had it all my lift ) nud it itttlcd In my anklo. Could not walk without a cane. J bought ono bottle and uied It. In a few dayi the pain wa I Rene and to this duy I liavo not had a ] Such of It. I'KftCY A. FOLbOM , From n Rheumatic Suffernr-Cnred. Irunton , Ohio , Nov. 6 , 1SSB. Four years ago I wu troubled with rheumatism In arm and ehouldcr. I uacd BU Jtcobs OH and covered the parts with flannel. I continued itn use until I no loiiKcr felt the rheuroatiim. I have never bcenbotherrditUhlUluce. _ _ . JACOB WEDDLE , ute COL Vois , u. s. A. THE CUAIU.EB A. VOQELEBCO. , lUltlmore , Mi. t-AU perioni VHI.NO St. Jacobi Ott or Hal Bar Cough Cure , vUl 1 J lending a hco.ccnt itamp and a hUury of their eaie , r cottADYIc nix. IVBOM OCIAXM AKD rOISOH. SAFE. SURE. PROMPT. WE UAVK JUST OVEXED AX ENTIRELY NEW LINE OF Fine and Medium Clothing , For Men , Boys and Children. F vices the Lowest for Good Gooils. Suit * from 92. 75 to $30. ROBINSON & GARMON , Frank J. s' Ohl Stttnil , 1311 Farnam St. HILL & YOUNG : Farnam Street. &ti FURNITURE , House Furnishing Goods. HEIGHTS BEHTS THEM ftLL More attractions and less objections than any other addition. The grand view of these heights from Paxtou Block , Omaha's business center , is unequalled. Property well bought is twice Bold. The north half of this addition is now platted and will be old at prices which challenge competition , considering loca tion and general surroundings. The south half will be platfed so soon as railroad linr , depot grounds , and a bus iness center and grounds for several large manufactories can be determined an4 Ji'J ' out to accommodate all , No pains will be spared to make this large , fine addition a success. LOTS 250 TO 500 DOLLARS ; One-fifth down , balance easy payments. To appreciate this addition you must view the Heights from city , and the city from the Heights. Special inducements in price of ground with railroad facilities and running1 water to manufacturing enter prise THE 75th GRAND DRAWING , MARCH 20th , NO BLANKS , IIIG I RIZ S OK BEWAKDS ! One Million Distributed Every Year DBACUUJlUhATSU IXTttllB 8T MONKV 1HV1I KI AMUMU A tfKJV LUCKY IlOlf IlOLUKUb KVeitY 3 BIO.NT11S. Only ? 2.00 required to secure one Royal Italian 103 francs gold bond. These bon 4 participate in four drawings every year and retain their original yal u until the year 1944. Prizes of 2,003,003 1,003.000 , 510,003 , 250,000 , &c. francs will b drawn , besides the certainty of receiving back 103 francs In gold , you may win 4 time cvcrv vcil * Thfi Is M afc. nnd t'io host. Investment over offered , a ) the Invested money roust . bo paid back when bond rautureg. 8 jnd forrlroul iri at It will par yon to d5 , or send your or.Iors wltn mouuy or roBtsW "l letter , or postal imtcn , nnd In return wo will forward the uooumonn. UiitLI.UANKING : CO , , 305 Ilroadtviiy , New York City. N. B. These bontU are not lottery tickets'and their sale is legally pe nnittcd in thoU S. by laws of 1B73. ZFLOTJIR Best Minnesota. $2.75. Choice " 12.40. Oood 12.00. WARREN V. JtROWN , THE CASH GROCER. Northeast Corner SU Itary'i Aye. auu 10tU 8U. '