iO THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , MARCH 13 , 1887-TWELVE PAGES
"AN APPLIED ASTRONOMY , "
Bolectlons Prom the Witty Writers in the
Journalistic Eankfi
STROLLING OUT TO SEE STARS
Bill * Paid and "Unpaid Mr. Cohen
Understood | IH UtiHlncss Ho
Couldn't Write 1'olnta on
Lout A Mule Item.
Applied AMronotny.
ll. Tiffany , < n the Century.
Iln took mo ont to PPO the stars ,
That astronomic bora ;
Iln salJ tliL-ro were two moons near Jlnrg ,
Whllo. Jupiter had four.
I thought of coursu ho'd whisper soon
What fourfold bliss 'twould bo
To stroll beneath that fourfold moon
On Jupiter with me.
And whun ho spoke of Saturn's ring ,
I was convinced ho'd sav
That was the very kind of thing
. To oiler mo some day.
IJut In a tangent oil ho went
To doublu stars. Now that
Wiis most suggestive , so content
And quite absorbed 1 sat.
Hut no. ho talked a dreary mess ,
Of which the only fraction
Thatcatigtit my fancy , 1 confess
Was "mutual attraction. "
1 said 1 thought It very queer
And stupid altogether ,
For stars to keep so very near ,
And yet not come together.
At that hn pmlleil and turned his Head ;
I thought he'd camht the notion.
He merely bowed good-nlisht and said
Their safety lay in motion.
Paylnc Off a BUI.
Detroit Free Press : A woman who
was owinc her grocer $10 was at the
Third street depot yostenlny to take a
train out of town , lie heard that she
was coing away and made- all haste
fpwn there to try and collect the bill.
Ho found her calmly waiting on n seat ,
And approached her in a quiet manner.
' "J shan't pay , " she boldly replied.
* nj't , madam , you had the goods. "
"That ( tonsn't make any difl'orenco. "
" 1 don't like to proceed to extreme
measures , madam. "
" .Now , look hero. " she said as she
wheeled around at him , "if you don't get
up and skip I'll call out that you are my
divorced husband and trying to rob me
of part of my money. There are 200 poo'
plo in this room , and a policeman at the
door , and tluro is a reporter talking to
the ticket agent. Just imagine the sen
sation. "
"I can , madam. "
"And you wantthosn $10 ? "
"Oh , no , madam. I'll bo only too
happy to make you a present of the bill ,
Wish vou a happy journey , and if you
should return to Detroit please favor me
with your patronage. Good day ,
madam.1 ' _
At the Mount Slnnl Poker Club.
Now York Sun : It is Mr. Ulumunthal'f
deal , and Mr. Cohen polishes his glasses
hurriedly with a view to making a care
fill survey of the shuillo.
Mr. Hlumonthal's friend , Mr. Dinkel
Rtcin , considers it an appropriate occa
sion for a remark :
"Mister Colion , I heart you vas a cool
chudch of diamonds. Vill you kimllj
look -ut dis chenuino bluc-vito , soll'en
carat - "
"Oxguso mo , " replies Mr. Cohen with
out removing his eyes from the pack , "J
Kill's no nddontion to diamonds or
Uhttkey Dlumeutlial's deal. Ivas lookiu
for , gl ubs. " _
Chestnuts Sot to Ithynio.
Atlanta Constitution.
Oh , what makes the chimney sweep ?
And why did the codfish ball ?
And why , oh , why did the peanut stand ?
And what makes the evening cull ?
Oh , why should the baby farm ?
And why does the mutton chop ?
p Can you tell mo what makes the oldcrblow *
Or what makes the ginger pop ?
Say , \vhy does the tcrrlbln bed spilne ?
K And why docs the saddle horse llyV
Or what does make the pillow slip ?
And why do the soap boilers lye ?
V "What made thn monkey wrench ?
Or why should the old mill dam ?
K And who did the shoemaker strike ?
Or why did tho.raspbnrry jam ?
Oh , why should a trco bark ?
And what makes the wind howl ?
Can yon tell mo what makes the snowball' '
Or what makes a chimney foul ?
It Wasn't Paid.
Wall Street Hews : A Now York drum
tncr was tolling some chance aequain
tancos in nn Indiana town about a man
tifaQtunhg company having declared i
dividend of thirty per cent , last year
\vhon ono of the men proudly responded
"Why sir , wo can beat that right hen
in this little town. I'm president of :
plow company which declared a dividom
pi forty per cent , last year. "
"And the dividend was paid ? "
"Ut course riot. You know how thosi
things go. It was to raise our coinmor
P cial rating , of course. "
li
i lie mil's Man and the Mulo.
Burdotto : The little brindle mule it
the nigh load slipped on the ley pave
luont , und Mr. Burgh's best man was 01
the spot. "Tako that mule and have hin
sharpened before you take him anotho
foot"Ho is sharpened , " said th
driver , "rougher than a filo. Look a
them hind shoes corks on 'cm that 'in
trodga a hole through an ice house. " Th
ofllcur lifted a hoof to sun , and straight
way looked over the top of a foiir-stor ;
building. Buzzingly ran the word througl
the telephone , "One of your men ha
been nearly killed by a mule. " Tender ! ,
back came the mutlled order , "Seo if tin
mule is hurt , and if it is , arrest tin
man. " _
r Too Soon.
One of the party had been tolling hov
n certain rich silver mine had been dis
covered by n prospector shooting at :
man and chipping a piece of rich ore ol
n eliiV when an old follow in the corno
observed :
"I came within an ace of finding i
mine just that way. "
"How did yon miss ? "
"Why , the man 1 shot at turned rouni
nnd put two bullets into mo , and bofor
I got out again the mine was di :
covered. "
She Wan Weary.
James Payne , the novelist , In hi
novel , "Thicker Than Water , " quote
ono of the most pathetic und oxpressiv
bits in the world :
Hero lies an old woman who always wa
tired ,
for she lived In a house where no servant
was hired.
Aud her last words on earth were , "Dea
friends , 1 am o\ny \
Where no washing Is done , nor churning no
sowing ;
AVhcre all thluKS will bo Just exact to m
wishes ,
For where there's no eating there Is no wast
IIIK of dishes.
I'll bovhero loud anthems forever are ring
Inc.
pr But , having no voice , I'll be quit of the slni
\v lug.
Don't mourn for me now , and mourn for in
never ,
For I'm golngto ao nothing for ever an
ever. ' , _
Ho Could Write.
Detroit Free Press : This is the way h
told it at police headquarters the othc
day :
"V hell , 1 vhas in mine place , yo
know , und a feller cornea in and sayi
'Mister Blank , I make n hot nboudt yo
chust ' ow.1
" 'Vhas dot so ? '
" 'Yosj I make a bet dot you can writ
your name. '
' "Of course I can write my nami
Does spmupody take mo for n fool ? '
" Vlioll , you put him down on dl
piece of paper und I make life dollar. '
"Vhull , I write my name on bis papc
tnd hu goes oil und I doan see him any
more. Yesterday I gel some notice from
a bank dot a note for fcofty dollar vims
luo , I comes down town und ilnds n
note nilt my name on dcr back. It vhas
dor paper on which I wrolo my uamo. "
" \Voll ? "
"Vhell , dot vhas all , oxoept dot I vhas
a fool , und if you catch him I geof ono
looncrcd dollar to keep my name oudt of
der papers. "
"Turn Orer. "
The "funny man" wo do dotcst
pUOtl J3I | UO PUBJ9 OJ PCI | Ol3 | JI
Who alms at us Ills ancient Jest
lA\oi.iiuo' | ) } | j ion nois | A\OU > I o\\
A joke ( ? ) so aged , stale , and hoary
PUDJ . ( puaiu | 9otH , | mood spu ,
The same old weary , dreary story
3UpJtt | ] | V OJ SltlilD tll ! J80 ll.Ott .ttOJC
Of how wo curious daughters ot Kvu
AVOtl * t ! JO pit ] ? ! JSU3I Oll | MOn 01(9 ( JI
( Though this latter fact wo deeply grlovo )
Motioutoi 1110 j | pun | | , oi | < ! } . > < l not 11151
Must stand on our heads a point to lind
! A\OUH } lou ji3no | mis 3utii3iuos | , u
Inthcsccotnlcal ( ? ) lines from the "funny
man's mind.
UVUIOAV eauioM auin. | < ua 8,0:101(1 : ( JI
Points on Lent.
Somno liant The policeman.
1'reva Lent I'o/crty.
SI Lent The muswump.
Ito Lent The usurer's monoy.
Kucou Lent Knilish scandals.
Condo Lent " 1 told you so. "
Redo Lent The spring onion.
Trueku ( ) Lent The baggage man.
IS IT SENSE OE NONSENSE ?
Written /or Uic lice l\i \ U'Mltum 11 * . IMtincr.
That is , at least , a plausible proposition
ot Robert Burns , that "what is no sense
is nonsense. " It is a dictum , however ,
which , as wo shall sec , has often boon
violently contested. Ono might say that
to deny such an apparently obvious truth
would bo proof of insanity ; but we must
bear in mind that theio is pretty good
authority for saying that no man is en
tirely sane on all subjects. Reputable
writers have hold that the pyramids of
Egypt were the production ? of nature ;
and no less a man than Alexander Von
llumboldt once wrote an essay with the
express purpose of disproving this no
tion. Kveu. in our own time a well-known
professor in a Scottish university has
published a book to show that ono of
ramids was built by divine inspiration ,
will bo no wonder , therefore , if at
some future day there shall be learned
works written to show that the ocean
cables "growed" likoTopsy "growcd"
as the nerves do in tiio human body.
Well , now , quito as extravagant things
have been .taught in regard to Christian
ity as in regard to pyramids. Perfectly
pyramidal absurdities have often been
stoutly maintained by very learned men.
And these absurdities have been much
more numerous than the actual absurdi
ties about these Egyptian stone pilcsand
than the possible absurdities about the
cables being terrestrial nerves. That
great , good man , John Calvin , whom a
largo part of the Christian \vorlu swear
by , and another largo part swear at ,
taught as an integral part of Christian
ity , that the Creator "sends ono to
heaven ana ten to boll , all tor His glory ,
nnd not for any good or ill they've done
before Him. " That transccndant man ,
Pascal , whom , for his clear
perceptions , all the world honors ,
says that nothing can "bo more contrary
to the rules of our miserable justice than
to damn eternally a child born now for a
crime committed six thousand years before
fore it came into being. " And yet Pas
cal accepts as a part of Christianity the
doctrine that the children born at this
day are justly punishable tor Adam's sin ,
and says that "without this incompre
hensible mystery wo are incomprehensi
ble to ourselves. " That other wonder
ful man , Martin Luther , who hated the
devil so llercoly that ho not only con-
stantlv wrote against him with all his
mightj hut actually throw his inkstand ,
ink and all , nt him , used to say that if
any man had believed in Jesus Christ he
would certainly bo saved "though ho
should commit adultery and murder ton
thousand times a day " and thid doctrine
ho declared was the corner-stone of
Christianity.
These arc only n few specimens out of
the hundreds that might bo given. A
result of these teachings is , that a great
many people say , and I suppose , think
that Christianity is nonsonso. This is n
question worth looking at. For , if
Christianity ia the shipwreck of reason
nnd common sense as well as nn in
centive to immorality , as Martin Luther
would seem to make it the farther we
keep from it the better. Because , few
of us have any sense wo can afford to
throw away , and fewer any morality to
spare.
Now , for myself , in connection with
this matter , I have great faith in two
things in the solid , practical , common
sense of the great mass of my fellowmen
men , and in the solid , practical , sense ol
Christianity , as its great author hiiusell
taught it. Surely it is but fair to let thu
Christ himself dolino what christianitvis ,
And surely it is not fair to allow
men to pile up mountains of rubbish
the rubbish produced by con
tending factions on the top of the
great gospel , and then to say , because
the oyerl.vmg rubbish is rubbish , that the
underlying gospel of humanity is rubbisli
too. The greatest teacher the world ovci
had the teacher sent from God has
some rights which wo , common , strug
gling , suffering , hoping , fearing , men
nro bound to respect. Let us , then , per
nut Hun to say what Ho moans , and il
His moaning seems to as , like Himself ,
"full of grace and truth"lot us take il
for what wo can see it to bo take it upon
its own merits , and give to the Groal
Master the credit which we can see it
His duo. If any man , or sot of mon , for
bid us to use this method of reason and
fairness , and insist that wo shall take
their doctrines , or their authority , we
can make two easy and suflicicnt replies ,
Wo can sa3 * , that the Christ , rccogniz-
ing our intellectual liberty , tolls
us to "call no man master" on earth ,
And wo can say that ho denounced a. '
vicious the practice of "teaching foi
doctrines the commandments of mon. "
And wo can emphasize all this by citing
the notorious fact that the ccclosiastical in
stitution of His time called Him blasphemer
mor , Sabbath breaker and devil ; and tin
ally put him to death because Ho wouk
not obey its dictation , but persisted in
proclaiming that on earth there wa. <
nothing sacred but man ; that Sabbath :
and ecclesiastical institutions and everything -
thing clso were of no value save ns thoj
ministered to the welfare and upbuidlinf
of men , women and children. Ho insistci
that man was God's child and that tin
world was the primary training school
the first grade for the divine offspring
and that everything , family , sUto.churci
every institution ot every sort must tint
the justification for its existence in its
usefulness to man. Ho even weni
farther than this , and declared that mot
themselves wcru to judge of the useful
ness the rightfulncss of the institution :
nnd the teachings of their times.
His words to mon which the authorities o
the world have been very slow to heai
and hoed , nro : "Why , even of yourselves
} udgo yo not what is right. " This is i
air and open appeal to common sonso-
the common sense of all of us coinmor
men , to decide for ourselves , in the frees
use of our faculties , both upon the merit :
of His teachings , nnd upon the merits 01
demerits of everything on earth. Anc
His greatest apostle , St. Paul , gives thi :
advice to the disciples of Jesus Christ ir
His time : "Tost all things ; hold fast
that which is good. "
Men sometimes suppose Christianity tc
bo nonsense , because they have got tin
idea from some bad spooiraonb of BO
called Christians , that Christianity re
quires mon to bo sad-faced , melancholy
ascetic , monkish , unhuman. Well , sucl
things have been often taught in thi
name ot the great Christ , just as all othtr
absurdities have. But if anything is
clear in this world , it is the fact that
Christianity , as it came in words from
the lips of Christ , was the same as catna
in deeds from the life of Christ. And
His lifo was fetich a natural
human life , full of easy grace , as well as
of purity and power like ( Jod's sun-
shlno. cheering nil , and like God's rain
fall , distilling upon all that tuo institu
tional teachers of His timowho had their
own axes to grind and Ho would not
turn the stone for thotn , called Him not
only "Sabbath breaker" but "blas
phemer. " "wlno bibber" and "friend of
publicans and harlots. " This could not
have been said of ono who was the
author of monasticism , or who disap
proved nf any of the harmless activities
and habits of lifo. Why , it was the
Great Master himself who condemned
those who made prayers in public places
in order to seem religious ; and it was lie
who censured the mon who "disfigured
their faces" that thov might appear
pious. That which Ho" taught by pre
cept and example was a largo , generous ,
courageous , truthful , patient , magnani
mous , pure and powerful human lifo.
His cllbrt by word and deed was to make
men more manly , nnd women more
womanly , and both men and women
more joyous.
Now , instead of this vi nv , which anyone
ono who will take the pains to read the
Master's words may verify for himself ,
men have sometimes presented Chris
tianity ns a set of ciiremonh's , and some
times as a picco of unintelligible , brain-
twisting philosophy , and sometimes as a
system of siokish sentimentality. Against
all these perversions of the truth of life ,
mon of sense and independence have ro-
boiled , and when they have been led to
believe that these inanities were u neces
sary part of Christianity , they have
cried out : "Christianity is nonsense ! "
But it would be dillicult to Und
any decent man who would not like to
have his wife more womanly , or any docent -
cent woman who wouldn't like to have
her husband more manly. The substance
of tiio teaching of Christ was : "Bclievo
in mo , " so heartily that you shall , by the
very force of your faith in me ; . "follow
mo" in the 'spirit and purpose of your
lifo , and thus become want 1 am. stiong
and right and happy , in every depart
ment of your nature. And His chief
apostle declares the aim of Christianity
to bo the accomplishment of a "perfect
manhood. " What Christ sought to do
was not to establish a sot of doctrines or
u sot of ceremonies , or a snt of sentimen-
talitics.but to establish a right lifo within
and without. This is the obvious mean
ing of those words of His : "My words
that 1 speak to you they are spirit and
they are lifo. "
Vital Christianity is , therefore , to a
man , as feotno ono has well said , not like
a lightning rod to his house , bill like sun
shine and rainfall to his riold , and tliero
will bo need for it as long as there is
need of sunshine and rainfall. Tins
clmractoristiti of Christianity is .so mani
fest to all who know what it is. , that
oven Voltaire is bold to say that the
Christian religion is divine divine as
the sunshine and rainfall are , since
seventeen centuries of imposture and
perversion have not been tiblo to destroy
it. While men live in. this world they will
not say that sunshine and rain are non
sense ; and for precisely anil'jou ; s
reasons they will not say that Christian
ity is nonsense.
What Horace Buslinoll once said is ,
therefore , true , namely that when men
know what Jesus Christ really taught
then thov will believe it. And. apropos
of this , President Porter , of Yale college ,
said a few years ago , that though Christ
ianity has been well nigh crushed under
pountloss misconceptions though many
have heard Christ so badly represented
as to reject the caricature of His person ,
yet , in the spirit of faith in his real
character , they are : it heart his true bu-
Hovers. Any man who really believes
in the real Cltrist ought to know it , and
if he will freely and independently
study the Great Teacher's life he may.
Artoimis ui-il'n Chum.
Mr. George lloyt , of Cleveland , Ohio ,
who years ago worked on the Plain
Dealer of that city with Artemus Ward ,
was in New York the oilier day ami
chatted with a Mail and Kxptcss reporter.
Mr. lloyt was a printer on the papciyind
when Artemus. who was the sub-editor ,
wanted to go to Cincinnati for n week erse
so he got the former to write his matter
for him and loft an old tow string to indi
cate the quantity required. Mr. lloyt is
now a we'althy owner , but has never for-
cotton the great American humorist ,
whose friend he was to his death.
"Yes. I remember the old soiled string
Artemus gave me , " ho said. "Artomus
called mo to him and said ho was going
to bo absent n week and wanted me to
Mag-up' his column during his absence.
I never will forgot his queer-looking ex
pression when ho handed me a String ,
about two-thirds of a column in length ,
and said that much stall' was required
Uuily. As to the q talityof the matter he
ignored that altogether. I think that
incident occurred along in 18. > 7or shortly
afterward. Artomus and 1 were good
friends , although I was only a printer on
the paper. He discovered that I
was something of an artist and had
u high appreciation of the humorous , su
ho frequently read his articles to me.
How ho would laugh , both while ho was
writing his funny articles und when ho
read thorn to mo , 1 remember he road
to mo his letter to Hnghniu Young , and
laughed heartily over the question ho
propounded to the mormon as to wliorj
his wives wore sealed to him. I illustrated
his first book for him ; at least , I drew
all the illustrations , and Artemus lost
them out of his coat pocket while on
route to Now York. The last time I saw
Artomus was in Cincinnati. Hovas
lecturing then , and I wont into his dress
ing room before ho appeared upon the
stngo. Ho was having a terrible time
with his hair-dresser. It is an actual
fact ho carried a hair-drossor around
with him to got his hair properly curled
and arranged to appear before an aud
ience. He appeared glad to see mo , anil
asked me about the boys. Ho made : i
great deal of money , but what became
of it is rather a mystery. Ho bought n
farm for his parents and helped them. "
Hawaiian Race Disappearing.
The Hawailans would have been so
cially better oft' , it is openly asserted , liar
no European over been permitted to land
upon the shores of the kingdom. As mat
ters now stand , the race is fast disappear
ing , owing to the introduction of certain
forms of vice heretofore unknown among
the natives there , while that hateful
disease introduced by foreigners intc
these islands indelibly marks the features
of both Kanakas and Wahincs alike , till
tilling the text of the scriptural assertion
that the sins of the father will bo visited
upon the children , etc.
Nevertheless Hawaii m nearly every
respect justly deserves the attention il
has been receiving for years nt the hands
of citizens of the United States. The nix
lives are to bo encouraged in their efibrl
to compete with their white brethren ,
There are many Kanakas who lack thrifl
nnd who do not possess the requisite
amount of stamina which is needed toin <
sure success in lifo , yet such as these mtvy
bo instructed to such n degree as to rcn
der them capable of at least providing
for thomsolvos.
In the American navy are many native
Hawuliana , who , in the experience of thi
writer , have always proved to bo good
humored , yielding in temper , and us r
rule , generous to a fault. Being in the
main active and intelligent beings , thoj
make excellent sailors. In like mannoi
the investing in Hawaiian property urn
the employment of native help at fail
wages might result beneficially to LO
only the capitalists , but would prove o
great advantage to Uio Uawalitius us i
people. . . ,
LABOR LACKING LEISURE ,
Left Undisturbai What Work Women Will
Perform ,
LEARNING LOYAL LIFE-LESSONS.
Lot the Sex Hnvo its Way Logical
Hints on Dross "Lay Aside
the Corxot" Laconics
of Fashion.
Woman's Worlr.
"Man works from morn till set of sun. "
They do.
"lint a woman's work Is never done. " Quito
true.
For when ono task she's finished , something's
found
Awaiting a bezlnnlnK , all year round.
Whether It bo
To draw the tea ,
Or bake the bit-ail ,
Or maku the bed ,
Or ply fie broom ,
Or dust the room ,
Or Moor to scrub ,
Or knives to nib ,
Or table to set ,
Or meals to net ,
Or Mielves to scan ,
Or fi tilt to can ,
Or socds to sow ,
Or piaiiU tnfirosv ,
Or linens bleach ,
Or lessons teach ,
Or butter churn ,
Or jackets turn ,
Or polish glass
Or itlatoof brass ,
Or clothes to miMid ,
Or children tend ,
Or notes indlto ,
Or stories write
Hut I must stop , lor really If I should
Name all the ors , take mu a day It would.
bo many aru tlioie , that I do declare
Moio boats than 1 could count might have a
pair
And yet enough be left ; and , men folks ,
these
Same ors propel your barks o'er household
seas ,
Into bunny havens where you rest at ease.
And , ono woul more , don't yon forget It ,
please.
A Wlso lIt - '
It is the fashion to work. Every woman
now-u-days , no mutter how high her rank ,
or how great her wealth , works as though
her bread dopinded on her industry.
Satan , who used to lind so much mischief
for idle hands to do , must bo at his wits'
end to discover a pair that is not full of
busy piny or downright hard work. Draw
ing , embroidery , modeling in clay , paint
ing , beating brass , designing furniture ,
composing songs , setting up industrial
hehool , or working on some scientilic
discovery to Unit what it Is all about , en
gross the time and thoughts of women
who. twenty .yours ago lolled on sofas
and read novels , and hud dyspepsia for
very idleness , and groaned because they
hail "nothing to do. " The moneyed class
and the working clashes meet oh a neu
tral ground , whore millionaires.umuresscs
and princesses rush in for their snare of
labor , and look with scorn at those who
liide their talents in a napkin. The fash
ionable idler is now as busy as a bee ,
with the bump of approbation in a state
of abnormal Ucvelo" ' " ' > ut.
Tlio Woric or Women.
Illustrated Christian Weekly : Wo have
recently been advocating domestic ser
vice as a ruiugo , in many cases , for
women who have so hard a struggle to
maintain themselves with the needle.
Wo are fully convinced there is a rcfugo
for some of the "prisoners of poverty , "
whoso hapless fate has been sot before
us. But we have never for a moment
thought of domestic service as a panacea
for all this woes that are a working-
woman 's lot. The case is too compli
cated for any one rnmedy to right it al
together. _ There are , of course , many of
these sewing-women who are so situated ,
as daughters with dependent parents eras
as mothers with dependent children , that
they cannot go out toi&orvico. There are
others who have TiO'faculty to learn the
many things that.go to thu making up of
a really competent servant. It is , there
fore , not possibly to' Bay to every woman
living in nn attic ori a crust earned by
well nigh ceaseless toil with the needle :
'Tou can make yountolf wholly comfort
able in domestic .servjco. " This may bo
said to many but , ' not to all.
For those now to hem this way of
relief is not open * ' , practical philan
thropy must devise bo'nio way by which
thn evils of their lot shall be mitigated or
entirely removcdi The law must bo in
voked upon hoartlo.ss and dishonest em
ployers. Arrangements might bo made
whereby food and fuel could be bought
by these womoit at less than the ex
orbitant prices which the corner grocery
exacts , perhaps must exact , for pur
chases in driblets. Wo have much vet
to learn concerning co-operative ills-
tributlon.
Hut now the employers of domestic
service can do much toward making it a
more desirable situation than it now ap
pears to some. There is no question that
many mistresses are very exacting in
their demands and harsh in their treat
ment of their servants. Such never seem
to think that there is any limit to the endurance -
durance of ono who "goes out to ser
vice. " Beyond paying the stipulated
wages such persons do almost nothing
for the welfare or comfort of their ser
vants. In cqnsequouco they are con
stantly changing servants , arid are full
of bitter complaints of the incompctcncy
and general worthlcssness of domestics.
The fault is not altogether their own ,
for there are many who profess to bo
servants who are neglectful and shiftless
and extravagant. Still the fault is in
good measure theirs , for in general a
good mistress makes a good servant.
Thorn are other mistresses who err
through ignorance. They do not under
stand the fundamentals , much loss the
refinements , of housekeeping. This is
not always their fault. Too many moth
ers have the idea that their daughters
should bo shielded from care ; that it will
bo time enough for them to learn when
they have homes of their own. In consequence
quence , the poor young things have
everything to learn at once \v7ion they
become settled in now homos , instead ot
having mastered at least all the funda
mental principals gradually as they grow
up under their mothers' ' instruction.
Servants soon discover when their
mistresses are ignorant of that which
they ought to know , and take advantage
accordingly. A mistress with knowledge
of housework , oven though she does no
part of it herself , can systematize the
work , and so make ll more easy for her
"help. " Knowing , moreover , what
work really is , she does not exact more
than Is right. Strict management is by
no ina.ms necessarily tyrannical man
agement.
There is no question , when everything
clso has been said , that U > o thing which
more than nil clso operates to keep many
women from domestic service is the feel
ing that it is socially degrading. The
house servant is considered as ofu lower
caste than the shop girl or the factory
operative. No one can give an intelli
gent reason why this fs so ; but the fact
stands out in sharp distinctness , It is an
utterly unreasonable iprojudico , more or
loss , with all of us. And the unfortunate
thing about it is that argument has little
weight against prejudice ,
Nevertheless , it w know whore the
root of the evil lies wo can hot ourselves
to overcome it. If it , is intrinsically as
honorable to prepare the meals for a fam
ily and to do the luindred things that go
toward making do'juo.stio life comfortable
as it is to do endless stitching on under
garments ; if it requires more intelligence
and versatility to bo a competent domes
tiq servant than to run a machine
Sivith its incessaht ' repetition of thn
same thing ovjsr 'ami over again ,
then let us say so andfeel no and act. so ,
, , TiMi unreasonable j > rojudico may bograd ;
tinljy overcome. It cannot bo battoroil
do\tn with logic we are speaking of so
ciety in general but wo bellovo it mav
bo gradually lived down. Then wo shall
have relief for these whoso priilo keeps
horn from an occupation in which they
hinK they will lese caste. Wo shall have
also better service than is now too often
the case. Hut this improved feeling for
it is fooling more than thinking will bo
a growth. What wo should aim at is to
get it growing vigorously us rapidly as
possible.
Let us add that very much may bo done
here by individual cH'ort. Kvory em
ployer of domestic servants can do much
to show that she regards their labor as
worthy and themselves as entitled to re
spect. She can evince a personal inter
est in them and can cultivate in them a
wisn self-esteem. There is no need of
waiting for a combined social move
ment in this direction , Let individual
ull'ort bo put forth , ami good will follow.
How to Kress Well.
The healthful dress for women must
bo made absolutely without ligatures or-
bands. This is imperative from thu very
arrangement of women's internal organ
ization and her uses in nature. Hero wo
have all the complex vital manufactories
that supply life to muscles , nerves anil
brain. Just at tiio point most compressed
by the corset lie the most important or
gans of the body , important alike to
well-developed womanhood and re
sponsible motherhood. Any pressure on
these parts serves to disarrange and con
fuse the whole machinery of life. Wo
have all heard women say : "I cannot
live without my corsets ; I feel as if
I should drop apart" confessing thereby
to the partial paralvsis ot the ncrvo
811 . "wuular system. How ab
surd ! Nature will take care of herself if
you will allow her the opportunity.
\ \ omaii in a healthful condition has tre
mendous powers of endurance and re
sistance in the region ol the waist. It
was meant by Divine wisdom that she
should have. Were it not so do vou not
suppose that the pressure , bands and
weight brought to bear upon her would
have done more than reduce her to a suf-
( minF , invllil1 ! ? VVhy , it would have
killed her outright. Put men into women -
men d dress and they would become
idiots or dead men in ten years. Dress
should follow thu lines of the body , and
wo should be clothed in all respects as
our natural structure demands , begin
ning at the neck and following each arm
and each lejj comfortably to the hands
and feet. Having clothed the body ac
cording to the season and the ncco'ssity
for warmth , in llannols , silk or cotton
combination suits , it only remains to
wear seat trousers , or if you prefer to
call it so , divided skirt , of the same ma
terial as the princess-shaped dress with
its drapery , to complete a costume fill-
lillmg all the requirements of health and
freedom ; and according to the thought
and artistic taste expended shall wo gain
the other requirements of beauty. This
style of dress is susceptible of an endless
variety of modification and changes , and
need never be ugly or monotonous.
Hindoo Women.
"During the ten years of my residence
among the Hindoos , " said a female mis
sionary just returned from India , in a
lecture delivered before a Brooklyn aud
ience the other night. "I never saw a
Hindoo child receive a caress from its
mother. Scarcely clothed , beaten and
despised , it knows hardly where to lay
its head or iret its meals. If it is a girl
the mother can not bo fond of it , for it
may bo the means of disgrace to her. If
a wife has no male child , her husband
may divorce her. This is changed some
what when the child becomes old enough
to bo engaged. This is six years. The
allair is settled without consulting the
poor girl herself. And who do you think
liiids the girl a husband ? The barber.
Ho knows the circumstances ot the
family and rank in life , as ho has to visit
the house every day to shave the male
members of the family before they can
pray. He travels , sometimes , weeks and
months through the country before ho
can lind a young marriageable man of
the same station in life as the girl. For
in India there is no intermarriage be
tween castes.
"Now fora ideaof the Hindoo woman's
homo life. The lloor and walls are of
clay , with no ornamentation of any sort
and the least furniture possible. Every
morning she has to pray not for herself ,
as she is taught that she has no soul but
for her husband , for rain and for general
blessings. Then she spends two or three
hours preparing breakfast. She doesn't
cat with her husband , but , perhaps , fans
bun at his request. During the day time
she cither sleeps , gossips with the other
women , or sometimes a reader reads to
them from the lives of the gods. These
stories are unlit for human cars ; they are
vile from beginning to end. The children
and women are tuiurht them. At nHit
they prepare their husband's meal in the
same manner. They are not protected
against the weather and dampness , nor
are they properly fed and clothed. The
rich live the same as the poor. If sick
they are deemed cursed by the gods
and they are taken to the stable andloft
alone. The only food they can got is
left by stealth. Thousands die of neglect.
' 1 ho hrst day that a Hindoo boy abuses
his mother is a festal occasion with his
father , who boasts of it to his friends.
Jo bo a widow is the siimof unhappiuess.
She is especially cursed bv the gods. As
the husband dies , half a dozen barbers'
wives rush upon her and tear the jowelrv
from her ears and nose. Behind the
funeral cortege she follows , surrounded
by these fiends who throw her into the
water. If she drowns , they say she was
n good wife after all. 'Sho has gone to
moot her husband. ' She is kept in a
darkened room for fourteen days At
the end of this time her husband's ashes
are taken to the river , and. after a
peculiar ceremony of prayers , the soul is
supposed to bo free. It may enter nn in
sect or an animal. The worst punish
ment the soul can sustain is to enter the
body of a woman. "
llonutlcs that Do Not Materialize.
Boston Journal : It is said that Wash
ington beauties , whoso charms have
boon heralded by the society correspond
ents , do not materialize when ono visits
the capital. The tourist finds little to
gratify his raised expectations. The
women of Washington are only an average -
erago lot of mortals , and n little inquiry
reveals the fuel that the most celebrated
fomlnincs are only ordinary women con
nected by marriage with men who , for
the time being , are running the govern
ment.
Gossip for ( lie Imillcs.
Mrs. Cady Stanton is a pet. She doesn't
like the Idea of American women being
kept out of law ranking and remanded to
the ohlmncy corner.
There nro 018 women employed ns
prison ofllcinls in England , with salaries
varying from $22o to f V > 00 lor ) annum ,
mid in addition fuel , light , quarters aim
uniform.
Mrs. Lamnr is gaining unstinted ad
miration for the graceful and diiniltlod
way in which she accepts the trying re-
snonsibilithvs ot her new position among
the ladies of the cabinet.
The Hoston club , founded by a daugh
ter of Mrs. Julia Ward llovvn. is about
expiring , killed doubtless bv its name
"Tho Metaphysical. " Even Hoston culture
cannot stand everything.
Miss Mary A. Livermore proves that
there are no .supnrlluous women by the
statement that there are now 227 voca
tions open to women , as against seven at
thu beginning of the century.
A California woman owns anil runs
the factory which makes nine-tenths of
the orange boxes for the Pacific coast.
She invented the box while trying to
make a cradle for her baby.
Miss Ans der Oho , who made her debut
at the Now York symphony concerts this
season , is n pupil of Liszt , and is saull to
bo the best pianist since Rubinstein. She
is only twenty-six years old.
Miss White , a temperance lecturer , is
holding forth in Colorado on "Honed
Husbands. " It is to bo inferred that the
kind of husbands she wishes to boil nro
some kin to the owl of tradition.
The Woman's Magazine , cditcil by
Mrs. Esther llousli , has doubled its size
and entered upon n crusade for social
purity. Its aim has always peon reforma
tory , and mainly in behalf of temper
ance.
Eyclyn college for young woman will
soon bo opened at Princeton , N. , ) . , under
the direction of Princeton college pro
fessors. Kov. Dr. Mcllvnin is to bo presi
dent , and his two daughters will act as
principals.
There docs not seem to bo any imme
diate danger of dearth of missionaries.
At Wellesley college the president recently
'
cently Invite'd all young women who felt
moved to go as _ missionaries to confer
with her , and eighty responded.
Mr. Norman W. Dodge of New York ,
has instituted a prize of $300 to bo awar
ded at eacli annual exhibition of the
academy to the best picture painted in
the United States by a woman. There is
no limit as to ago or nationality.
Mrs. Langtr.y's establishment consists
of her Twenty-third struct house , twenty-
two servants , eight carriages and twelve
horses. Her annual profits from her the
atrical performances are about f 100,000.
Who wouldn't bo a professional beauty.
Many women in the blue grass regions
of Kentucky and Missouri , and on the
plains of Dakota , Kansas and Nebraska ,
have become successful stocK raisers.
while some of the best paying market
gardens and fruit farms of California are
owned and conducted by women. Thn
latter employment seems especially suit
ed to them , and there is plenty of virgin
.soil In the most favored climate to bo
had for the working of it. The first
plowing must be hired ; after that His
plain sailing.
The Kxplamuion
London tigaro : Miss Annie Oppen-
hcim. answering my question concerning
the sort of hair that denotes intellectual
power , says : "There is not any kind of
hair that denotes intellect , the former being -
ing an animal matter. " Hut Miss Oppon-
lieim "firmly believes that bald headed
men are most that way inclined , they
'having through the exertion of their
brains exhausted all that is animal in
their nature. " The explanation is in
genious , but it is notconvincing. I know
some b-Ud headed men who are fools.
PURELY VEGETABLE.
PERFECTLY HARMLESS.
A Critical Case Asthma Bronchitis.
Mr. Clmrlcs A. Tie ] , says the Philadel
phia Kvenlnp Kett i , as so prostrated with
throat trouble following upon astlimu , 1m
was oniervil by physicians to New Orleans.
The clmnRO u roURlit no coed ; he returned
home In n hoimics * condition. He uus Dd-
vlsed nml ho tried lied Mar COUKI ! Cure.
Ills cuuh ) and asthma left him , and alter
ustiiK a few bottles his hwUU was com
pletely restored.
Another riouro-l'nouinonla Cough.
Qiilnby House , Portland , Oregon.
After buircrmga great drnl from an utUcl :
of pleura-pneumonia , connected with a
gevero imd painful conch , n friend of mlno
recommended the Rcubtar Cough Cure to
inc. after 1 hud tried serernlothur remedies
without buceess. Ono bottlu cnsurod uiy
recovery. MARK A. MILLER.
Travelling Agt. , Erie K. It.
Inflammation of Throat and Lune > < "
Ban Francisco , Cal.
Mr. Oliver ninVley , Proprietor of the
Padtlo Carriage Co. . 11 Powell St. , SAu
Francisco , nays : "I have bean Buffering
with a severe cough , causing finally In
flammation of the throat and lungs for a
larly alUlctcd , to try the "lied fitar Cough
Curo. " After a fcwdoxesl began to feel
instant relief and after tAklng one bottle I
was entirely cured. OLIVCtt 1IINKI.EY.
A StartlingDUuluaure Take Note.
A leading physician has inado the start
ling resolution that six thousand people ,
mostly children , dlo yearly in this country
from the cfU'cts of cough mixtures con
taining morphia or opium.
TlIE CHARLES A. YOdKLCH CO. , B.UImon , Mi.
f-AU peritmi VSINO SI. Jaccbi Oil or Red
Star Cough Cure , will by $ ciuilnr > a two-cent tlamp
nnd ahiitarti nt their case , recrtrr ADVICR rnt K.
KJACOBS OR
THE GREAT GERMAN REMEDY
r > u ! ) * Cnl'1 UnatUia , HcuulgU ,
I1111 MQ III B kietl ! 4 k > , TootliMhe ,
rui rdiii fmjKsrsttt" ,
rUIr OniU. At DnjlllU u4 D l rf.
SB * CH1BLXS A. T06ILIBCO. , UU or , BilJ.S. * . ,
VDK ? UlDITC'KyU now or old ,
I B Wiml I En0f any make ,
T bought , told or oxclianKCd on most liberal
terms. ( Icmil mnchlnca ( orenle t Imlf tlrn coit.
hallootl Tjp.-TTrlter ! ihutt , 11W US II. Bl.tlile jo.
WANTED ,
KANSAS & NEBRASKA
City and Gounly Bonds ,
Bradstreet & Curtis ,
BANKEBS ,
35 Pine St. , Nutv York.
"HOW TO ACQUIRE WEALTH/ '
NO III.AXKS. BIG PIllZi : * OK RE\VAKI SS
One Million Distributed Every Year.
UK AUOUMUI.VTKU INTEREST MONEY DIVIDED AMONG A FEW MICKY ItOND
, 11OI.DKUS KVEUY 3 MONTHS.
Only ? 4.00 required to secure one Royal Italian 100 francs gold bond. These bonds
participate in 1225 drawings , four drawing every year and retain their original value
until the year 1041. Prizes of 2,000,900 1,000.000 , 500,000 , 250.000 , &c. francs will be
drawn , besides the certainty of receiving back 100 francs in gold , you may win 4 times
everv year.
Tli's Is us afc , rnd t'i boat , Investment vtr offeree ] , as the Invested money must bo paid b.ick
wliOT bonil nuinins. Bniil forclrcul ir < ai It will puy you lo il > , or HOIII ! jvtirorJcri wllli money
by i-csrHtiTixl li-ttor , or poitiil notes , nnd In return wo will forwnnlthe ilocumonM.
rKM.IIA.KI.O CO. , 305 llruudivuy , Xew York < : i j.
.11 , Those bonds * re not lottery tickets , mid tbo milo Is loyally pormlttoj In ttia U. B. b y Ian
TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.
Jiff/In the New Month by Fayltiy Cash , fiee Our 1'rlcvn.
flnrncnu's XXX Soda Crackers 23 Ib boxes , Orftnulatod Huifur , 18 ibg for 11
( luinuuu'8 Ulniror Simiis , 25 Ib boioa , 7 25 burn WUItohlurSonii.il.
Host Ilrood.U loaves lorlUe Muokorol from $1 to l M per kit.
Uubbiinr * Superlative Flour , per 100 Ibs$2.74 An Immense variety of FUli lor [ .ont.
a upmx'U I'tttont Klour , per 100 Ibs. 2.W
WAUItEX F. JiltOWX , TJIK CASIf G HOC Kit ,
Northeast Corner St. Mary'a ' Ave. ami 19th St. Telephone : iU'J.
A CARD ,
TO THE PUBLIC
AYiih the approach of spring
and the increased interest man
ifested in real estate matters ,
I am moro than over consult
ed by intending purchasers aa
to favorable opportunities for
investment , and to all such
would say :
WhenJJputting any Proper
ty on the market , and adver
tising it as desirable , I have
invariably confined myself tea
a plain unvarnished statement
of facts , never indulging in
vague promises for the future ,
and the result in every case
lias been that the expectations
of purchasers were moro
than realized. I can refer with
pleasure to Albright's Annex
and Baker Place , as sample il- - ,
lustrations. iI i I
Lots in the "Annex" have
quadrupled in value and are
still advancing , while a street
car line is already building
past Baker Place , adding hun
dreds of dollars to the value , . of
* * v * r *
every lot.
Albright's Choice was se
lected by me with the greatest
care after a thorough study
and with the full knowledge
of its value , and I can consci
entiously say to these seeking
a safe and profitable in r * ?
ment that
Albright's Choice
offers chances not excelled in
this market for a sure thing.
Early investors have already
reaped large profits in CASH ,
and with the many important
improvements contemplated ,
some of which are now under
way , every lot in this splen
did addition will prove a bo
nanza to first buyers.
Further information , plats
and prices , will bo che6rfully
furnished. Buggies ready at all
times to show property.
Respectfully ,
W , G , ALBRIGHT
SOLE OWNER ,
218 S. 15th Street.
Branch office at South Oma
ha.
N. B. Property for sale in all
parts of the city . .