THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , 1 < USBRTJARY 27 , 1887.-TWELYE PAGES.
WOMAN'S ' WORLDLY WEALTH ,
Gams in Poetry and Prose of Hotter , Bistor
and Wo.
CONSOLATIONS OF CREATION.
Fctnnlo Drummers Hlch l/ndlca of
Uotlinni TUlocl Mnrrln c *
"Plea of Non Support" Geu-
oial tioialpy Talk.
Wotnnn'H J ovc.
Bliall wonmn's lovo-of mother , slstor , wife ,
Tlio richest blessing of this mortal life.
Kccclvo no tribute , huuibln thotigli It be.
For RO inncli worth nnil so much purity ?
Teal \Vlillo our hearts can feel or lips can
speak
Our words shall frill not though our word ? are
weak-
Weak to nxpress wlmt bonds cncli noble soul
In mild submission to Itsswect control ;
Which smooths uncliulnUlc from the brow
of caro.
And sola eternal youth and bcautv thrro ;
Lights up tnu gloom of death , and points the
load
To God's celestial homo and our dlvlno abode 1
Trlli.utoH to AVoimut ,
Confucius \Vomnn \ Is the mastcrploco.
HurdcrVoninn is the crown of cro-
ntlon.
Voltaire Women tench us repose ,
civility and dignity.
John Quincy Adams All that I nm ,
ray mother made inc.
Lcssng ! Nature meant to make woman
its masterpiece.
Ijamartlno There is a woman at the
beginning of nil great tilings ,
Whlttier If woman lost ns Eden , such
ns she nlono restore it.
Hnrrelt Woman is last at the cross
ami curliest tvt the grave.
Hlchtcr No man can citlior live pious
ly or die righteous without a wife.
N P. Willis The sweetest thing : in
life is the unclouded welcome of a wife.
Voltaire All the reasonincs of men
nro not worth one sentiment of a woman.
IJeecher Women are a now race , re
created since the world received
Christianity.
Leopold Sehofor But one thing on
earth is better than the wife that is the
mother.
Shakespeare For where is any author
in the world teaches such beauty us a
woman's eyes ?
Micholot Woman is the Sunday of
man ; not his repose only , but his joy , tlic
salt of his life.
Margaret Fuller Ossoli Woman is born
for love , and it is impossible to turn her
from seeking it.
Louis Dcsnoyors A woman may bo
ugly , ill-shaped , wicked , ignorant , silly
and stupid , but hardly ever ridiculous.
Lord Lansdale If. the whole world
wore put into one scale and my mother
Into the other , the world would kiuk the
the beam.
Mnlhorbo There are only two beauti
ful things in the world women and
roses ; aim only two sweet things women
and melons.
Bulwer-Lytton O , woman ! In ordinary
castss BO mere a mortal , how in the great
and rare events of life dost thou swell
Into the angels I
Savillo Women have more strength
In their looks than wo have in our laws ;
and more power by their tears than we
have by our arguments.
Emerson A beautiful woman is a
practical poet : taming her savage mate ,
planting tenderness , hope and eloquence
in all whom she approaches.
Anna Cora Mowatt Misfortune sprin
kles ashes on the heart of the man , but
falls like dew on the head of the woman
and brings forth germs of strength of
which she herself Tmd no conscious pos
session.
Thackeray Almost all women will
give a sympathizing hearing to men who
. am in love. Bo they ever BO old , they
grow young again in that conversation
and renew their own early time. Men
are not quite so generous.
lluskin Shakcspoaro has no heroes
he has only heroines.
Gladstone Woman is the most perfect
when the most womanly.
Cabanis In wishing to extend her em
pire , woman destroys it.
Boucicault 1 wish Adam had died with
all his ribs in his body.
Bulwor To 11 gontloman.ovory woman
is a lady in right of her se.v.
Cowloy What is a woman ? Only one
of nature's agreeable blunders.
Snadl A handsome woman Is a jewel ;
a good woman is n treasure.
Uochefoucaultl A fashionable woman
is always In love with herself.
Cervantes All women are good good
for nothing , or good for something.
Victor Hugo Women detest the scr-
pout through a professional Jealousy.
i'r ucis L A woman changes oft ; who
trusts her is the softest of the soft.
Shakespeare There was never a fair
woman but she mouths in a glass.
George Eliot A passionate woman's
love is always overshadowed by her fear.
Heino Handsome women without re
ligion tire like llowors without perfume.
Cervantes Between a woman's "yes"
and "no" I would not venture to slide iv
iln.Luther )
Luther Earth has nothing more ten
der than a woman's heart when it is the
abode of pity.
Women ns Drummers.
Albany Argus : A few years since , when
the business community was startled by
the innovation of women ns traveling
salesmen , it was argued that they
would bo a success , na they could n ot
fill the ninny social obligations required
to sell large nmouiUH. An experience cf
two or three yonrs. however , has given
Wio matter nn entirely different aspect.
It is found that the lady drummer makes
an impression on the country merchant ,
especially in thn west , where the male
member of the fraternity would fail. A
commercial ninn of largo experience says
the moclmnts will hold their orders for
the liuiy drummer , even though a do/.on
of their own sox oiler nnd beg to fill them
on advantageous terms.
Again , they nro always in need of
something when the lady drummer calls ,
while wlfh the man It is more often
"nothing to-day , " The 'success of the
women drummers is much more marked
with the merchants of the opposite sex
than with their own. Women in trade
dp not usually take kludly lo women as
commercial travelers and it has been
suggested that in the future , when every
thing is "down line , " women will bo em
ployed exclusively to soil to the mon nml
the men to take orders iroin the women
in trade ; but as only a small proportion
of merchant and traders are of the gentle
eox it is obvious that when that day
corner , if it overdoes , the Indies will hare
n practical monopoly of the business , as
the mules do now , und the men must
then iiiij something else to do.
rjusy Mon and Wommi.
A busy woman who must tliiuk. who
juust euro for others , whoso heart is In
her work for otb < vs , and whoso Wo can-
wet bo confined wjthjn four Wulls , or any
nurrowmg conventionalities , seeks her
kind , and saves her precious moments by
receiving her friends upon one day in the
week. The busy man , shut in his oflico
for long hours , harassed by many cares
and often llngolkitod by foes , fliula it
sweeter and better for the few moments'
chat in some attractive homo , whore
beauty , tuunio and llowors give him the
needed poetry to mate with his prosaic
oarcs.
Hloh New Vork Women.
The New York correspondent of the
Philadelphia Itceont writes ; I nm every
day astonished at the wealth of this city.-
We nro supposed to know at least the
names of the millionaires , ornt nny rate
people whoso fortunes amount to inoro
: lian a million or two ; but wo do not
know the half of them , nml the number
ot wealthy women in New York is past
belief. I know a lady whom nobody
ever heard of outside of her own circle
of acquaintance who has $ , " ,000OvO of
her own. 1 known another lady who
has $3,000,000 ; of another , recently dead ,
with from $5,0 0,000 to 10,000,000. Those ,
of course , not including the well known
wealthy widows such as the Into Mrs.
A. T. Stewart , the Widow Hiimmcrflley ,
Mrs. May and a dozen others. The china
nnd household ornaments of the Widow
McCrosky were sold at auction this wok.
There was nothing very striking about
the collection , though it was an expensive
one. Widow McCrosky loaves about six
million dollars , a largo part of which is
invested in the Chemical National bank.
Mrs. McCrosky got in when the shares
were at par. Now a share that originally
cost S1W ( Is worth $2,500 ; so if Mrs. Mc
Crosky had n/fow hundred shares in this
bank her income would have been a great
deal larger than one would have thought ,
taking the ordinary percentage which
nowadays seems to bo live.
I know another lady in Now York who
has $5.000,000 of her own , $2,000,000 of
which she will settle upon her daughter
if her daughter marries to please her. If
the daughter does not Ifshetnkes it into
her head to run on" with the coachman
she will bo cut oV ( with n shilling ; at least
that is what her mother says now. It is
not generally given out that the mother
is going to make this marriage settlement
on her daughter. If It wore I think she
would have an embarrassment of suitors.
Two million dollars is a good deal to sot-
tie upon a bride moro in fact than is
wise but I think it much bettor for
wealthy parents lo give their children a
dowry when they marry than to give
them nothing until their death , when the
property is divided. The idea of mar
riage settlements , which as a general
thing is repugnant to Americans , is not
a bad one. It makes a woman independ
ent and it makes it possible for her to
marry a poor man who might oe a much
hotter husband for her than a richer one.
When young men or young women have
been brought up surrounded by every
luxury at home , and then get married
and are obliged to live as though they
wore in straitened circumstances , when
they know at the death of their parents
they are going to have all the money
they want , It makes thorn , I fear , look
forward to the death of their parents
with feelings akin to resignation. If at
their marriage a good round sum of
money were settled upon them , I think
the oiled would bo more satisfactory
than is found in anticipation.
Speaking of rich women , Mrs. Fred
erick Stevens , whoso marriage to the
Marquis do Talleyrand has excited so
much talk in fashionable circles , is one
of the richest. Her yearly income is
$300,000 , and she gets the creator part of
this from the Chemical National bank ,
in which she is one of the largest stock
holders. Her father , 1 believe , was one
of the founders of the bank. Mrs
Stevens'relations ' with the Marquis do
Talleyrand have been of a scandalous
nature for a number of years. The mar
quis , as well as Mrs. Stevens , was mar
ried , and has a wife , a Boston woman ,
nnd a family of children. He is a bril
liant man , but is extremely unpleasant
to look at. nnd is an inveterate gambler.
But Mrs. Stevens became enamored of
him and gave up husband , homo and
children and followed hiui through
Europe. She came back from abroad a
few mouths ago and went to live at Newport -
port , that she might take advantage of
the loose divorce laws of the state of
Rhode Island. 'There she got a divorce
granted her on the plea of non-support.
Her husband made no objection , and
after obtaining n div9rco she went back
to Paris anil married the Marquis do
Talleyrand , who in the meantime had
become divorced from his wife , on what
ground I do not know. Perhaps she got
the divorce from him , which she might
easily have done.
Now anything moro absurd than .this
nloa of non-support on the part of Mrs.
Slovens could hardly bo imagined. Mrs.
Stevens is the daughter of a wealthy mer
chant of Now York city by the name of
Sampson , who had more money than so
cial positionand who was possessed with
an ambition to got into society , or at
least to get his daughter in. Lrcdurick.
Slovens was a young lawyer of limited
practice but high social position , and in
him Mr. Sampson saw his opportunity.
The match was one of convenience , but
It was a love match as well. Mr. Stevens
was anxious to go on with his business ,
but father-in-law Sampson would not
listen to it. Ho made him rctiro from the
practice of the law , and told him ho
would lind all the business he wanted
taking care of his wife's estate. Mr.
Stevens hesitated at first , but the oiler
was n tempting ono , and ho finally ac
cepted It as n matter of course , and ho
did look closely after his wife's affairs ,
and they were supposed to bo a happy
couple as couples go ; and they were , I
believe , until the Marquis Do Talleyrand
appeared upon the scene. Mrs. Stevens
no sooner rested her eyes noon his ugly
little face than she lost her head , and for
got not only common decency , but all the
instincts of a wife and mother.
Gossip for the Imdlos.
The youngcs t * type-setter of whom
there is any record is the 0-yenr-old
daughter of a Now York newspaper man ,
She docs the work well.
Mrs. P. D. Armour , of Chicago , is n
practical philanthropist. One of her
good works is the maintalnanco of a mis
sion school , which costs her $10,003 a
year.
It is a sad commentary on the nstnto-
ness of the authors of "Ono Hundred
Distinguished Americans , " Just pub
lished , that only four women are mentioned -
tioned , These are Charlotte Ciishman ,
Lucretia Mott , Klizabeth Cndy Stan ton
and Harriet Bcochor Stowo.
Michigan is proud o ! Miss Alice II.
Jordan , the young woman who took the
degree of LL. B. at Yale last Juno.
She is but 23 years old , is the llrst and
only woman over graduated from Yale ,
was two years ago admitted to practice
law in the circuit courts , and 1ms now
been admitted to practice In the superior
court.
Professor Mnrln Mitchell of Vnssar college -
logo , declares that society has never
given women a chance to show their In
tellectual fitness for responsible posi
tions. A thoughtful glance , over the
world , however , suggesu that the bars
nro down now at least , however lormid-
able they may have been in times past ,
and that woman may do wJiatoyoj flip
will.Cincinnati
Cincinnati boasts of having the only
fomulo engineer in the country , Her
name is Mao * S. Bronnan , nnd shrt is ma
tron of a young ladies' sominurv. To
obviate the trouble experienced with the
heating apparatus in the establishment
she studied the science of stonm hoatint ; ,
introduced may imnroromcnts.tlirn uv > nt
before the board of. inspec alut , pas
sing a lira * jaS3 cxnuiinutlon , received
' ' ? license.
Now Hampshire has a philosopher. She
is a woman who never allows horsalf to
fret over anything. She takes ono or
two naps every day , never takes her
work to bed with her , and oils all the
various wheels of u bus } ' life with an Im
plicit faith that there is a head and heart
to this great universe , and that she oan
trust them both. She has reached the
ago ot eighty years , but thanks to thn
method of her life , is still vigorous and
healthy.
Gcttlnif lillnd.
Bobby ( returned from nn errand )
Ma. Miss Smith is gettiu1 blind , I think.
Mother Why , Bobby ?
Bobby Booauso when I went into tno
hall she said , "Bobby , wnero'a your
hat ? " and there it was ou my Lead all
the time.
SELECTED SMILE STARTERS ,
Pungent Potu that Onra Mora Ills than
Patent PilU.
STIGGINS' OLD STEM-WINDER ,
* _
How to Write a Love Story Hnm .Tones
In "llcnnilom" liiRcrsoll'a Lat
est Kill Nyo's Bovine Par
ticular Jacob.
How to Write n Imvo Story.
CiirlolJd IVrrj/ .
Now brine mo nmnldtlmt Is nlumo nnd dark ,
And bring mo n nmUl that Is tall and fair ;
One must bo gay as n meadow laik ,
One with a sravo nnd queenly air ,
And n sort of a hUh-toncd stately staro.
A man , old , rich , nnd a perfect fright ;
A man tlmt Is young nnd debounalr ;
Aud lot the story that 1 will wrlto.
Brine mo n summery moonlit park ,
Uilng me n house In n handsome square ,
Ono In the country , a kind of ark
Of rofupo for lovers ; some mad despair ,
Duty , temptation , grief and care ,
To take the edge oil love's delight ,
A few odd people from hero and there ,
And lol the story tlmt 1 will write ,
Bring mo n trip In n treacherous bark ,
A wreck In the inldseas aiiywhetc ,
Bring me n duel heaven save the mark I
A leunltod nnd happy pair.
A gown from Worth's tor the brldo to wear.
And brine mo n fate as dark ns night ,
For all of the bold , bad ones to share ;
And lot the story that 1 will write.
Envoy.
Brine Ink and pen to mv easy chair.
Of paper a ream alt fair and white ,
A publisher ready to do and dare.
And lol the story that I will wilto.
A Stem-Winder. .
Texas Sittings : Stiggins was passing
a watchmaker's establishment nnd look
ing in the window lie noticed a very
pretty girl at the counter.
"llul" ho soliloquized. "I'll go in and
take a look at her under some pretext or
other. "
Ho entered and was waited on by the
young lady's father.
"What can I do for you ? "
"I want to get a key for my wateh , "
he stammered , feasting his oycs on the
young lady.
"Lot mo see your watch. " said the
watchmaker
As if in a dream he took out his watch.
The watchmaker examined it and said ,
with surprise ;
' 'Why your watch is a stem-winder. "
Ho doesn't remember how he got out ,
but ho docs remember that the young
lady laughed.
K Ho llntl Not Iionrnccl.
Washington Critic : Ho was stopping
at the Kbbitt , anil , becoming ill , sent
down for the clerk. Mr. Ross Hew up
stairs , nnd in about fifteen minutes cnmo
down looking ns nalo ns a fresh tnblo-
cloth. "What's the matter ? " asked one
of the regular boarders , hanging on the
edge of the counter. "There's a man up
stairs with the hvdrophobia ! " exclaimed
lloss , in terrified accents. "How do you
know ? " said the Regular , with excited
interest. "Why , ho sent for mo to
come up to his room ; that ho was sick. I
went and found him choking , his throat
parched and dry , and calling feebly for
something to drink. I gave him a glass
of ice water , and when ho saw it , ho
jumped wildly up , knocked it out of my
hand , nnd looked ns if ho were going to
hnvo a lit. " The Regular looked serious
niul shook his head ominously , while
Ross stood irresolute and trembling.
"Who is ho ? " finally inquired the Regu
lar. "Colonel Blank of Kentucky , " re
sponded Ross. The Regular's face un
derwent a great change. . "And you gave
him ice wntcr ? " ho said , in pitying
amazement. "Oh , Ross , Ross , will you
never learn the dill'eronco between a
hydrophobia patient and a Kentucky pol
itician ? " And the Regular strolled off
toward the sick man's room , leaving a
cold and heartless smile for poor Ross.
Ham Junos' OliRtako.
" 1 would make Boston a suburb of glory. "
SAMJONKS.
_
Make Boston a suburb of elnry ,
Sam Jones ?
Do you know what such sacrilege means ?
I fear you have not road the story ,
Sam .lones ,
Of that city of culture and beans.
You aio sailing through breakers and locks.
Sam Jones ,
A dangerous sea you are tossed on ;
Hereafter be sure In your talks ,
Sam Jones ,
To make glory a suburb of Boston.
The Iintest From Inccrsoll.
Now York Star : The latest from
Ingcrsoll is floating around the Hoffman.
It was in St. Loui.s , and the colonel was
accosted by a tall , lantern-jawoa speci
men of saving grace from the back dis
tricts.
"Air you Bob Ingcrsoll ? " asked ho.
"I was christened Robert G. " said
the orator.
"Air you the man that's tryin" to abolish
ish holl-liro ? "
The colonel said ho was doing a little
that way.
"Why , the idee , " said the reverend.
"How on nirth air wo gom' to save sin-
norsV You ought to bo ashamed of your
self. "
"Don't commit yourself , my friend
don't. " said the colonel , quickly. "You
may be mighty sorry some day that I
didn't abolish it. " . _
Ills Son Jncob was Very Particular.
Texas Sittings : "How Is your son Jacob
coming on ? " asked. Washington Jones of
an Austin Israelite.
"Only so so , Mlshtcr Jones. "
"Ain't ho I married yet i"
"No , not yet. My son Shacob was very
particular. "
"Can't ho lind a girl to suit him ? "
"Veil I dells you. Ho could have mar
ried dot Rouecca Blumenthal mlt 11 fty
doimnd tollars moru dan den years ago ,
und ho vent pack on her. "
"That was unfortunate. "
"I should sliiullo. Choost calculate
how much Interest alor.o hush gone dot
spout iij ) dat fifty dousand tollnrs on in
don yenrs at , shay , only six per shout. "
i'rcsniico of Mind ,
"Yon know Dee Cutler ? " said a Cin
cinnati traveler to a follow M. T.
"Who the "
, coroner ?
"That's the man ; you know ho. has the
reputation of never losing his head ,
Always ready ( or an cinowmoy. '
' 'Yes ; I've ' heard that of him. But
what about it. "
"I saw him thoroughly rattled the other
day. "
' What about ? "
"Simply because ho couldn't find his
ink-bottle. "
"Pshaw ; that shouldn't have disturbed
him , I elioiiUUluuk that any man in his
I busiHif-s would have known "just what to
do in n cnso like that. "
"What would you have done ? "
"Held an ink quest , of course. "
And ho escaped just In time to deprive
the undertaker of a job ,
It Wns a Dead Give Away.
Pittbburg Dispatch : A certain east qnd
young lady lr much given to adding force
to her remarks by tno use of metaphors.
Recently she wa.s placed m a rather em
barrassing position by her proficiency in
this lino. As girls often will when alone
together , she nnd a number of young
lady friends were ono day animatedly
discussing the merits and demerits of
their masculine acquaintances from a
strictly girl standpoint. Whatever the
talk may Imvo been about , at ono stage of
its progress ono of the missus exclaimed :
"Oh , isn't ho horrid ) I'd have boxed
Ills ears I"
tiThe other young ladles volubly agreed
with this declaration , nnd the young
hostess thondccl.irc'd ' :
"Tho awtul wretch ! But T can manngo
htm , you bell You1 should sec mo sit on
him ! "
Just hero comes In the enfant terrible ,
always around 16 intcrprctstatemonts lit
erally and honestly ! '
"I seed you silting on him once , Lou. "
Then , as the rfcsl inomcntarily stopped
their talk in speechless amazement , the
terror exclaimed in conclusion :
"I doss ho lik-ed it , too. He was tying
your shoo. "
Ami then , as ( ho piping treble of the
youngster was lost in a chorus of "Oil's ! "
the" ! didn't ! " of the blushing Lou. in
indignant nnd expostulating tones , might
hnvo been heard by those who cared to
hear. | T
rnll ofT'iin nnd riRlit.
Pall Mull Gnxotto : Some of the details
of cross-examination in the now famous
llbol action of Pnnkhurstvs Sowlor ( Man
chester Courier ) before Justice Hawkins
are too funny to pass by. 1'or instance :
Did you say with relation to the franchise
bill that "no oriental despot lind ever
conceived a tyranny so insolent in 1U
bearing ? " ns the attitude of I/ord Salis
bury. "I did , " replied the determined
doctor , "and I nm sorry to say it is
true. " "Did Salisbury bring nn notion
against you ? " "I wish ho had. " "But he
didn't ? " "No. " "Now , in nnothcr part
of the speech did you speak of the mem
bers of the house of lords as n lot of prize
gooseberries ? " [ Loud IntiKhtor.l "Cor-
taluly ; prize gooseberries. " [ Renewed
laughter.l Dr , Pnnkhurst's point of law
in this action ns against the newspaper ,
is , it should bo remembered that it is not
and can not bo for the public good to
publish a "blasphemous story , " whether
true or false. Whatever may bo the law
or however it ninv press upon the editor
of newspapers , ubbodv cnfi deny thai Dr.
Pankhurst is making a gallant light of it ,
with a good deal of fun thrown in.
BUI Nyo'fl Cow.
"Owlucr loilMicnllh , " snys Bill Nyc ,
"I will sell at my residence in town.
21) ) , range 18 , west , according lo govern
ment survey , ono crushed-raspberry col
ored cow , njrcd six years. She is n good
milkstor and not afraid of the cars or
anything else. She is u cow of undaunted
courage and gives milk frequently. Tea
a man who does not fear death in any
form she would bo a great boon. She is
very much attached to her homo nt pres
ent , by menus of a trace chain , but she
will bo sold to any one who will agree to
treat her right. She is one-fourth Short
horn and three-fourths hyena. Pur
chaser need not bo identified. 1 will also
throw in a double-barreled shot-gun
which goes with her. In May she gener
ally goes away somewhere for a week or
two , and returns with a tall red calf with
long , wabbly logs. Her name is Rose , and
I would prefer to sell her to n non-resi
dent. "
A Man of Experience.
Lady Have you houses to rent ?
Real Estate Agent Yes. Here is ouo
list of about 1507
Lady Do you think that you can give
mn one that will suit mo ?
Real Estate Agent Madam , I don't be
lieve I can. But possibly I can give you
ono that will stylt yAur husband.
Used Glhssos ISotli AVnys.
" 1 want to soji one of the editors , " said
a ladv , coming into the oOico.
"Whicli one ? " in'quired ' the horse re
porter. ( . 't
"The one thu ; wears glasses. "
"On his nose or under his nose ? "
"BothI , think ; " she replied hesitatingly ,
and was nt orico directed by the startled
horse reporter Uo the religious editor's
room. t Ji
Mttln Hits of Fun.
"Who is the dod of battles ? " asked a
teacher of tliq class in mythology.
"Mar , " answered little Johnny Henpeck
"Mars , you m an , Johnny , " corrected
the teacher. "No , I don t , neither. I
only got one mar. "
"If you want to look for line marks , "
said the boy to the palm reader , "you
needn't examine my hand , for that's the
wrong place. You want to look at the
spot where the old man larruped mo
with the clothesline. "
A rooster may crow as clear as a boll
And bo "cook of the walk" nil day.
iiut ho can't lay an egg with a hard white
shell
Because he ain't built that way.
Levy and Marks wore playing poker.
The former sat in splendid luck. He
won $0 on three trays and a $15 1ack-ppt
on a pair of aces. Marks stood the drain
as long as ho could , and then said :
"Veoping Rebecca ! Levy , I'd rather
have your luck than n license to steal. "
"O , can 1 knock the champion out ? "
Some rising slugger cries ;
He "reads the answer In the stars"
That dance before his eyes.
"Chestnuts ! " yelled several persons in
the gallery at the minstrel show. "That's
right , gcntloriion , " responded Bones ;
'if you don't got what you want ask for
When n Virginia mountaineer wants n
chew of tobacco , this ( according to ono
who lias been there ) is 'tho waylie asks
for it : "Stranger , gimmo a chaw yur
black flat chawm' lorbncker ; that is , of
yor chaw. 1 dunne of yer chaw cr no ;
do yor chaw ? "
PAPER BARRELS.
Successful Adaptation of Pulp to an
Important Industry.
Now York Tribune : The growing
scarcity of the timber supply has given
nso to the serious question of how to
produce packages for oil , liquors and
similar substances which will meet the
demands of the market. This question
has at Uilierent times during the
last twenty years led to various at
tempts to produce a paper barrel
which would answer all the purposes for
which the wooden barrel is used. These
attempts , however , have been attended
with no practical success until recently ,
when a barrel was produced from paper
pulp which seems destined to supersede
the wooden article. Us general appear
ance is that of the common wooden bar
rel thickly varnished , while only live
pieces are used in making it. It is bound
with ordinary wooden hoops , and the
head Is of ono piece , so constructed that
it fits Into the barrel air-tight and is held
firmly in place by a hoop without ( ho use
pervious to moisture , GO that liquids of
all kinds can be transported In it without
loss. It is also Ivory strong nnd still' , not
easily broken , ilnd ns the nature of the
compressed pafior Is such that neither
dry nor damp weather nfl'ects it , the con
tents retain all , thop | r.romntio qualities ,
There are nuMf/on ; other excellent
qii.e..ities claimed for this barrel.
On January 25Tuamas Dougherty , tha
chief Hour inspector of the Now York
produce exchange , certilled that ho had
inspected 1 0 barrels of Hour which had
been shipped from'u distance in these
paper barrels and had found them to bo
all sound. It generally happens when
Hour is shipped in wooden barrels that n
Quantity ot it sifts through the cracks
where tlio staves join and is lost. It was
found by weighing the Hour shipped in
paper barrels that nouo of it had been
lost in thin manner.
The inventors of this process for mak
ing these barrels say that the woods and
rank grasses which grow 911 the meadows
lying between Jersey City and Newark
will produce an excellent pulp for this
purpose , and that thus these practically
waste lauds may bo made productive and
profitable. The cost of manufacturing
the paper barrels Is no greater than tlmt
of making the wooden article , und with
the patented machine it is said that two
men nan produce ( XX ) barrels la a day.
HUSBANDS AND HELPMEETS ,
How to Draw Prizes in The Qraa'cst of
All Life's Lotteries.
HEAD AND HEART HAPPINESS.
Hands Tlmt Never tilioiild Bo Tolnctl
Mnrrlnca of Llternrj- People
Considerate Connie * Weil *
ding Ceremonials.
Not Mentis , tint Ilrnrtn.
"Tlio inmi I many must wealthy be , "
The mnluen sixld ;
And nlnnncd her marriage delightfully
Within her head.
'The girl I mnrry must baudoous be , "
The young man naid ;
And ho pictured her seductively
Within his head.
But on n day did the maiden find
Ono nmn to bo
I'ho only want or her heart nnd mind ,
And poor was hn
And ono day win the man linpicssed
UncKlrl toKain
Who nlonii could brlntr to him joy and rest ,
And she wns plain ,
Thus both discovered their mulches wrought
Not by the hend ,
But that , awaking In ways nnttionght ,
'Tis ' hearts that wed.
Where JItifllmmU nro CoiiBlilornte.
Atlaiitu Uonslitiition : If a girl must
marrv , and a Brooklyn man conies along ,
wo adVise her to take him.
In Brooklyn husbands know their
duties , and when they full to conio up to
tlio mark they acknowledge their short
comings and clamor for punishment ,
Take a recent caso. A young man ap
peared in a 'Brooklyn court , the other
day , and asked the judge to have him ar
rested. Ills honor demanded an expla
nation , and the visitor stated that ho had
been guilty of cruelty to his wifu. When
pressed for particulars lie said that while
he had not beatun his wife or neglected
her for tiio llowing bowl , ho haa been
cruel to her from a financial standpoint.
In other words , ho had not gtvnn her
money enough to properly support her.
Further questioning developed the fact
that his wife had preferred no charge
against him. After thinking the matter
over tlio juclgo bogged the young mun to
go homo and give himself another trial.
The advice was accepted and the culprit
loft the court room.
Now taking it for granted tlmt this
young man was an average Brooklyn
husbanJ. the case is rich in suggestions.
Let a wife have a proper amount of linn-
ness and enterprise , and it is plain that
such a husband would bo a bonanza to
her. if these soft hearted Brooklyn men
do not como into great demand all over
the country it will be because our girls
are not looking after their interests. The
incident is full of encouragement. It
gives us glimpses of the model husband
of the future.
French niarrlnccs.
London Truth : It is curious how
French grandees , who have really no ad
vantage to win by glaring nubJicitycourt
it. One sees this most perhaps , in their
weddings. The rule seems to be faire
autant d'cnvicux as possible. Everything
the bride receives from her family or
friends is exhibited. There arc cxnibi-
bitions of her trousseau at the warerooms -
rooms of the different trades people who
have furnished it. Everything is on view
no matter how it may bo named or to
what use it is destined , and the public
are apprised througji the journals in re
clames paid for at the rate of 25 francs a
line , where the things nro on exhibi
tion. All the modes gather nround
the tables , nnd shallow and
elegantly ribboned baskets in which the
intimate clothing is laid out. The demi
monde never falls to visit a show of this
kind. English lingcrcs have rot the as
tonishing skill in getting up body linen
in which there isnolhing but a very small
allowance of cambric , and a very largo
allowance of fine Valenciennes. There
is then the body "liners , " made of tussore
or foulard silks and lace and ribbon.
You see it all in costly trousseau. It used
to bo the tiling for brides of high lineage
to have qtiakc.r-liko underclothing , but
under the full blaze of journalism it has
gone out , and is now thought old-fash
ioned and no credit to anyone.
The grand exhibition is at the matinee
do contr.it , to which only relatives , ac
quaintances and the press are invited.
The journalists are requested to note the
"objects do picto" on the brido's gift
table ; that iswhen they are in sumptuous
or very artistic settings. For instance , a
scrap of the veil in which the Virgin
was churched , or an atom of the crown
of thorns set in a jeweled reliquary , is an
object to bo proud of. The prayer book
should bo iu the style of Anne do
Brotagno's. ' Nothius nppnars bettor
than i'ioty bending Mammon to its ser
vice.
A Peculiar Wedding Service.
Fayctto ( Mo. ) Advertiser : The follow
ing marriage ceremony uniting an esti
mable colored conplo , wns performed by
"tho Rev. Berry , uro. Robinson of the
Baptist church , ciillud. " After securing
the usual promises from thn "young
couples what had nroson up before him
on that day , a-wishin to bo nitoa in the
holy odcnoy of wedlock , " the Rev. Berry ,
witii glasses across his nose , head thrown
majestically back und a little twisting , an
old ragged testament held aloft , and
with an expression as snbiimo and
Bolomn as n rock , repeated the following
original version of the Lord's prayer :
"Thy kingdom come , Thy will bo done ,
on earth us it is done in heaven ; do you
so promise me as to live together in the
holv odiiuoy of wedlock as Jneob , Isaac ,
and Becky. (5ivn ( us this day our daily
bread , as wo forgive our debtors , and I
pronounce you man nnd wife , and lead
us not Into temptation , and If there bo
any man present what objects why these
young couples shall not bo nitcd in the
holy odoncy of wedlock let them now
forever speak or hold their peace , for
Thino is the kingdom uud the power and
tlso glory , amen ! "
Should Literary People Marry ?
Chicago Times : It in not a now ques
tion n B to the advisability of marriage on
the part of people who depend wholly on
their brains for their support , anil it is
quite possible that all tljoi'o If , to bo snid
. .Lioiil It ling been salil over and over
ngain. It is , however , a subject of over-
present Interest , a fact which may justify
Bomn further allusions ,
In ono of the great religious denom
inations it was found , after a long ex
perience in the case of its priests , that
celibacy wns conducive to the produc
tion of higher results than marriage ,
nnd therefore the former condition was
ndoptod and made obligatory , The
reasons for the enforcement of a celibate
life were few but potent ; tlio cares of n
family interfered with the performance
of duty , The husband nnd father had
little opportunity to net us a priest ; If ho
excelled in the ono capacity , he failed iu
tha other.
Literature tins its priesthood , whoso
ministrations uro us vital , ns important
"and us imperative In their demands as
those of any religious denomination.
More so , in fact , for literature embodies
in its extent all that is valuable in human
progress , divine intent and action ; it as
sists in tnu development of all the bene
ficial efforts of humanity , and records
and preserves iu proceedings.
To perfectly perform this colossal , del
icate and unending labor , and to do it
well , requires on the part of Its servants
a singleness of purpose , a clearness of
thought , an oxactnens in judgment which
can not exist whore the external Influ
ences are permitted to Intermingle. I ho
priest who ministers at the altar of litera
ture rumt devote his , entire thought , her
devotion , to the shrine nt which ho wor
ships. Ho cannot , in the sacred precincts
of ( no sanctuary , turn aside to haggle
over the price of poultry , to cheapen tuo
cost of fuel , to wrangle over the outlay
for laundry work or the monthly stipend
of domestic service.
The literary man and woman are ut
terly tinliko everybody else ; they have
their special tomporamcnts.thcir individ
ual idiosyncrasies , their peculiar methods
of thought , their positive symjmthies.aml
dislikes. To voko n man of this kind
with an ordinary woman is not only to
impair his capability to carry on bis
work , but it U to fasten on him n life of
wretchedness. The same is true of the
literary woman. Ally her to the average
ninn , nnd she is at once provided with n
ball and chain which she must drag nt
every stop of her progress. While neither
the literary man or woman can , with
benefit , marry outside of the prolesslon ,
it Is moro dangerous and deleterious to
mnrry within U. The most undesirable
of unions nro those in which two literary
people resort to marriage , the cnso of the
Brownings to.tho contrary notwithstand
ing. Where there hns been ono instance
of Browninglsm In matrimony there have
been a thousand cases in which the direct
opposite has been the result.
The explanation is very simple. A
husband nnd wife ilovotcu to literature
clash eternally on tlio same piano. It is
n case of nn encounter of the invincible
and the irresistible. The essential dill'er-
encos of sex begot irreconcilable antagon
ism ; the respective ideals projected by
each necessarily difior as do masculine
strength and feminine delicacy. They
can not agree ; it is n union without af
finity , a mechanical composition without
cohesion iu the particles. In the in
stance of literary niou and women who
mnrry outside of their domain , there is
often more happiness to bo found than
within , and vet the rtilo Is that such
unions are disastrous. Ills especially so
with women of brains who select a part
ner from out of the masses ; there nro
morodivorced literary women in existence
than there are wives of the same pro
fession This class of woman , if she
marries ono of iier kind.occks for inlellcc-
tuul domination over her husband ; if she
secures it , she despises him for his weak
ness ; if she loses it , she hates him as a
tyrant.
The literary husband with n wife not
m sympathy with him is rarely happy ,
and never able to accomplish the complete -
ploto intellectual results that he would if
unincumbered by such a burden. Ho is
demoralized by domestic wrangles , and
want of sympathy , and Incensing con
tact with the commonplace. In view of
all these facts , it is best that the literary
people should determine on celibacy.
To marry is to commit intellectual hara-
knri ; to diminish largely the utility of n
life's services , nnd to add vastly to the
unhnppincss of tlio participants.
HE LASSOED A HUGE LION.
A Cowboy's Terrible KUlo With a
Screaming Panther.
"Last summer , while in Wyoming , I
had a decidedly startling adventure , " re-
mnrkcd n youli man the other day in the
presence of a bun Francisco Cull repor
ter. And subsequently , upon being ques
tioned by the latter , he told the following
remarkable but well-authenticated tale :
I was in the employ of a cattle com
pany in short "a cowboy" and besides
n natural love of adventure , which I hnd
gratified for several years , hnd , no doubt ,
imbibed some of that spirit of utter reck
lessness which characterizes the class of
which I was , lor the time being , a mem
ber. Early ono bright morning my em
ployer sent me out to look lor some
horses which had strayed , ho thought ,
somewhere in the vicinity of Lance creek
( about 200 miles north of Cheyenne ) , only
a few miles from whore wo were then
camped.
Mounted on my stout little broncho , or
"cow pony , " I soon reached the crock ,
and rode slowly along its banks , keeping
n sharp lookout for tlio missing animals.
The banks of the creek wore fringed
with cottonwood and poplar trees , inter
mingled with clumps of osiers and a
dense undergrowth , but on either side
the country was open but hilly. Expe
rience had taught mo to bo susirfcious of
any trco or bush in that section largo
enough to ambush a human being ; for ,
to say nothing of the white desperadoes ,
Sioux and Cheyenne Indians from the
Pine Ridge agency were frequently met
with , and , though professedly at peace ,
were not to bo trusted. Consequently , as
I rode along , I from time to time peered
anxiously in among the trees nnd under
brush.
I had followed the course of the creek
several miles when suddenly my pony
snorted and jumped ( o one side , almost
unseating mo. Perhaps ten paces in
front of mo , crouched ns if ready to
spring , were three large mountain lions.
I had always had a. great desire to meet
ono of these creatures in his native
wilds ; but this was u trillo too much of n
good thing to suit mo. Without a sec
ond's thought , however , I whipped out
my Colt's revolver the only wenpon I
had and lircd at the group. At the re
port of my pistol two of thorn bounded
oil' through the underbrush niul wore
soon out of sight , and the other , uttering
a shrill scream , writhed for a second on
the ground and then attempted to follow
his companions , limping badly.
My blood was up ; two of the fine crea
tures had taken flight nnd without reflec
ting upon the possible consequences I
put spur to my pony nnd dashed after
the wounded lion. Moving so rapidly I
knew it would bo impossible to shoot
with accuracy , and there was grent dan
ger of the lion turning upon mo if I approached
preached too near. .Suddenly it Hashed
through my mind. M hy can't I Jnsso
him as I have heard of gnucbos doing on
the pampas ?
Attached to my saddle wns my braided
rnwhidu lasso , about forty feet in length ,
in the USQ of which I hmf , as every cow
boy must , become quite proficient , OHO
end of It was firmly attached to the pom
mel of my saddle , and the remainder of
it carefully coiled up , was tied to the
front of the saddle by means of a couple
of rawhide strings or thongs. Hastily
unfastening the latter without chock
ing my pony which wustsvidontly much
excited , nnd Inclined to sheer nway fronj
the lion 1 prepared for the tl t ; '
work of a moment. Carefully measuring
the distance with my eye , I whirled the
lasso several times around my head nnd
at what seemed the proper moment let
fly. The instant it left my hnnd my
pony , ns ho hnd been trained , stopped
and brncod back , almost upon his
haunches. My calculations had been
correct.
1 saw the rope settle around the lion's
ncok and the next instant , when ho
reached the end of it , and tightening , It
threw him on his back , ho uttered the
most appalling scream it was ever my lot
to hear. The instant the rope became
talit you may bo sure 1 did rot waste
nny time I wheeled my pony in the op
posite direction ; dug rny spurs into his
side , ami darted awny , dragging the lion
after me. That , I am sure , was the most
exciting moment of my life. I did not
stop to look back. 1 simply dnjj the
spura into my pony's Hanks , knowing if
I relaxed my speed if for a instant , the
lion might spring upon me. Even as it
was I realized that at any moment I
might feel the creature's sharp claws in
my back ; and the particular manner In
which n mountain lion is said to kill ( by
drawing back the head of its victim with
ono paw until the neck Is broken ) happened <
penod at this moment to occur to mo. It
was not , strictly speaking , a cheering
reflection.
At the commencement of the mad gal
lop when on govern ! occasions the lasso
slackened , owing lo the huge bounds the
creature took , I shuddered and crouched
In tny saddle , fonrlnR thnt the next nun"
ute might bo my lost. For ntlmc ! my captive
tivo rent the nlr with his cries , which so
frightened my pony thnt I soon snw thai
I need not urge him ; ho was doing his
level best ,
Soon thr * scronmlng grow less frequent
nud finally ceased altogether , nnd 1
noticed with satisfaction thnt the lasso
remained perfectly taut nil the time. I
then for the first time looked back nnd
from nppcnrnnoos concluded thnt my
captive wns dond , I had , however , us
can porhnps bo imagined , a strong tie
sire to mnko assurance doubly sure , and
rode some distance further before stop
ing.
ing.Even then I wns In no haste to dis
mount until I had ridden nround the
lingo cnt several times , and assured my
self beyond nil doubt thnt ho wns dead
Ho proved to bo a fine specimen , meas
uring a little over four feet frpm suout
to tail root ( his tall measured twonty-slx
inches ) , but the long drag I had given
him , fully half a mile I should say , had
almost spoiled his skin. The Ins.so hnd
worn completely through the akin nround
the nock , and buried Itself In the Uesh
indeed 1 believe if I had drugged him
much further It would hnvo decnpltntcd
him completely.
Tolejirnph Operators' Secrets.
Electric AgoEvery : | telegrapher will tell
you how operators quarrel over the wire.
The men who nro the most quiet nnd gen
tlemanly In their personal relations uro
sometimes the most disagreeable to work
with. It is so easy , you know , to call a
man n fool when several hundred miles
of wire separate you , nnd , besides , the
fear of the consequences is very slight.
I ehnli never forgot nu amusing fight I
once heard between an operator at Xeuln ,
Ohio , and another at Cincinnati. After
onch had exhausted his vocabulary of
billingsgate the operator at Cincinnati
suddenly subsided nnd refused to con
tinue tlio contest , whereupon Xoiiin
snapped out :
"mint's the diflV.rcnco between you
nnd a jnoknss ? " Quick us a Hash came
the reply : "Just sixty miles. Give mo a
harder one. "
"Is it true , " asked ono of the bystand
ers , "that nn operator's mood may bo
determined by his manner of using the
key ? "
"Beyond a doubt , " wns the reply. "If
you have been in the habit of working
rcgulnrlv with n man you can toll before
you 'exchange half a dozen messages
whether ho is feeling fresh and buoyant ,
tired or lazy or out of sorts by his man
ner of transmission. There is us much
individuality about a man's sending us
about his penmanship , and ho can bo as
readily distinguished by it. A case in
point is related by Alf Savillo , who
worked ono of the Kovornmcnt wires be
tween Nashville and Louisville during
the war. One day , while the wires wore
idle , some ono at an intermediate station
called at the Nashville ollico and began
asking Savillo a number of questions
about the movement of troops and other
matters connected with the army. Be
fore two minutes Savillo recognized his
man.
' " 1 say , George Ellsworth , what the
devil are you doing there ? " flashed Sa-
villc , cutting into the middle of a sen
tence. There was a moment's pause ,
und then came the answer slow and
hesitatingly :
" 'I 'cut in * on the wire two days ago ,
and have secured a good deal of information
mation , but I might have got moro if I
had only kept my mouth ( key ) shut.
Good-by , Alf. I am going. ' There was
a sudden click of the wire , and then the
circuit closed.
"Ellsworth was the celebrated con
federate operator who accompanied John
Morgan in his raids through Kentucky
nnd Ohio. Savillo and ho had worked
together before the war , and had become
familiar with each other's stylo. "
XB-fter { a laptc n ! Mean ttattment ) conjlrmh *
tTie fjlcucu at St. Jacotft OU anil Ut pernianet )
sura , 01 e ghen Mow.
Neuralgia and P ral/9li-Nov. , 1080-Cured.
Springfield. Tenn.
My "lib suffered 18 mouths with neural-
cluuud purulysla , I hod to move her In
uoJ. and could lind no relief. Dv the tint
ha lm < l used two-thlrdi of a bottle of fit ,
Jacob's Oil she could unit.
J03.P.MORPHEY.
From Same 0 Yeirt Lattr Permanent Curo.
Sprltmfluld , Tcnn. . Oct. 17 , ISSfc
My wlfu VTM rnraljrzod and could not
wait a step. Before I uied a bottle of Bt
Jacob's Oil BUD wa about tlio house. 8hi
U now fiitlri-ly well ; docs nil tha hotut
work , ana milking too.
From a Sciatic Sufferer-Nov. , 1080 Cured.
Bcott Depot , Putnam Co. . W. Vu.
When I got St. Jacob * OU to mo I wai in
bed with sciatica ; now I am going about
the room with ease. Ilefora I got It I
could not bo moved. I wont to the stable
to-Uujr. THOMAa U'ORMEY.
Ffprn Same 0 Yo r Later-Permanent Cure.
BcoTt Depot. I'Jllmm ' Co. , W. Va. . Oct. 26 , 18M.
I WM twelve days on mr back vrllh
rheumatism In thu hip. Nothing relieved
ma till I got n bottle Of EU JncoU Oil.
Tliruo tlmca rubbing nod I Wiu able to
wulk ; and It Iliially cured mo ,
T1I03. TORMEY.
, nheuiaatltni , Spasm ! , Oared.
Tower 11111 , ArpomiUox Co. . Vix. , Nov. , 16S .
I had BUflorcd ycurn with uouralgla and
rheumatism dny ftnJ night with scuta
rmlni and npasini. I wns advised to try St.
Jncobi Oil , which caused all iialna to coua
uud tbo system to revive.
ROBERT B. KYLE.
r. CIIAULE3 A. VOQELL-II CO. . DuHlnor. , JW.
H3r All pcrtoni USINO fir , Jacclji OU or Red
Kar Cough Cure , will by tendltia a two-cent tlamn
and a hulorv nj tWrcaic , reeetre AUVICK HUB.
HEX ! FROM OPIATES AND FOIfiOH
SAFE.
SURE.
PROMPT. _
JIT DRl'OOUTS AKD I1I1UI9.
tm cnimtta x. YOOEUU CO..PIMUOIH. BE.
A. II. GOJISTOCK ,
G-enl. Insurance Agent
And Real KHtnto IJrokcii
Omnlm. Insurnncsi
iik < 8lnito
boiin ) ra'.us.
MEDICAL & SURGICAL INSTITUTE
Cor. 13th ST. and CAPITOL AYE. . OMAHA , NEB.
Dett facilities , appiratiif ami remedies fortucccM.
fully trc-atlnnllUndi ( of racillcn.imiliurglc.iilc ec
WIDTH roiiCmcuLAiis on Deformities and Ilractii
Club I'ect , Cunaturo of he Bplne , Dlsraica of Wo.
men , Pilw , Tumors , Cancers , Outirrb , Jlroncbltli ,
I'aralrdi , Epilepsy , Kidney , IllaJdcr. Eye , Ku
Hkln end Blood , and all riurr4ca ) Operations.
PRIVATE CIRCULAR TO MEN
Ou Private , Bpcclal and Nervous Dltcuei , Bom
lnal\VeaknessH | > ermatorrhci' , Impotfnry , Syphilis ,
donorrhtea. Gleet , Varlcocela. ( Jrnlto.Urlnorj
trrubks. Only RellableME DIOAL IN.
STITUTE uaUDb' a si > iclulty ol tie bbo\ -
naroeddTseascs.
Hew RestoratUeTreatmcni Tor Lois ofYttal Toner.
All ConTialoci and UIOOD DISEASES from what
ever cans * nroduccd , successfully truited without
mercury. Medicines or lubtrumeuti cut by mall
cr express , H. tircly packed from olxervatlcm.
Cill and consult n , or neud Littery of case , wlh )
: ! cmp. All conimunlrations strictly confidential.
KH RAA1IQ For Ute of patients. lioardand attend.
UvnUUHO anea reasonable. Actdruiialllettrrs V
OMAHA MEDIG4L & ? , UKCIGfiL INSTITUTE ,
Oor.iatb.at. arOftQltol Ava. .
! YPE WRITERS ,
T bought , aold or eichaotfwl on most liberal
terms , flood machina * ( or sale at half flrtt ooiu