11 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : BUND AY , JANUAKY 28 , 18S7.TWELVE PAGES. ii
y- The Melancholy Fate of a Journalist With
MI Original Idea.
CABLEGRAMS ON THE CRISIS.
The Conl Oil Con nnd tlio Car Stove
, Bltnlccr.pcnrc on Ice Montnnn Tur
nips ntul Otlior Jiuinlnoiti
Talcs.
The l'.lgit ! Man In the night Place ,
s. ir. iv.17.
He'd phcnonilnnl capacity
For inylh and unveracltv.
And details most Impossible ho'd give with
perspicacity ;
With legends most apocryphal
Itelentlessly ho'd talk you full ,
And tell the truth In trembling fear , but lie
with creat audacity.
Ho would sit and calmly chronicle
Tales absurd and uuc.uionlc.al
> \ Ith an air of perfect Iranknessantl without
n smllo f > nrdiiilcal ;
Misty legendary fancies
That you read of In loMinnces ,
-With nn autocratic accent and a manner his-
tnonlcal.
And ho told with creat verbosity ,
Anil llnenal velocity ,
Lies of most artistic llnlsh and phenomlnal
monstrosity ;
Llcb that shamed the rare of liars
Since the time of Ananias ,
That would make the creat Munclmusen
Kieen with jealous animosity.
Hut his talnut cave him station
And superb remuneration ,
1'or ho woikod upon a paper at a princely
compensation ;
On an cntcrprlslnir journal
Jle cave his oath diurnal ,
And swore by aflhlavlt to Its monstrous cir
culation.
Original Idea.
Philadelphia News : "What the news
impors of this country really need , " said
n long-haired , red-nosed , lantern-jawed
man who walked into the News olllco
yesterday afternoon , and betrayed his
western training by speaking of n live-
cent piece ns a "nickel , " and his
clothes as an "outfit , " "is startling
originality , combined with brevity. People
ple have got tired of rending a solid par
agraph a quarter of a column long just
to llml out thai John Smith wns held in
$1,000 ball on the charge of wolloping his
grandmother. What you want is to
present the facts in a manner that will
immediately catch the eye and nt the
pamo limo toll the story. Now , hero's the
way I propose to write up that kind of an
item. It just knocks the old style silly. "
The long-haired man sei/.ed a piece of
paper and wrote on it for Iwo minutes.
When ho had finished the paper was
ready for the printer in this shape :
"John Smith !
"Grandmother Thumper !
"Guilt Denied !
"Same Old Gag !
"N. G. ? 1,000 Hail. "
"There , " said the western innovator ,
"you have the whole story in a few
words. It conveys the idea exactly. Ev-
. crything can bo modeled on the same
plan. Take a divorce case , for example ,
what could bo moro simply beautiful than
this :
"Double Harness Dropped I
"Hrown vs. Hi own I
"Excess of Mother-in Law !
"Old Lady Kicks !
"No Use !
"Split !
"Murder cases can go the same way ,
and people who object to horrible detail
will nave no chance to kick. All tlio
name , you tell the story. How docs this
strike you :
"Skinny Hrown !
"Sand Uacr !
"Hill Hoggs , SUIT !
"Defense , Drunk !
"N.G.
"Hemp ! 1"
"Isn't that the quintessence of brevity
and expressiveness ? Doesn't that rather
discount the chump reporting methods of
the day ? "
Then , In a confidential whisper , "lend
mo a 'bit' until the morning. Won't
charge you anything for the suggestion.
The first attempt to ntili'/o the now
style wns made at the Central Police sta
tion this morning , as follows :
"Western newspaper tramp !
"D. D.I
"Assets throe cents !
"Thirty days I"
Cnliletrrnms on the Crisis.
Take ono Hismnrck twinge of neuralgia.
Add a bonliro al Sofia.
Stir in a prince lying around loose.
Sprinkle with a few Moscow rumors.
Season witli a French cabinet resigna
tion.
Servo hot.
A Slight.
"Got nny lost boys down llioro ? " called
a woman through the telephone as she
got police headquarters yesterday.
"We've got one. "
"What's his name ? "
"Why , ho won't give it. Ho says that
owing to a misunderstanding with liis
Ktopmother ho has temporality separated
himself from tlio pa "
"Thai's him , " she interrupted , "and
I'll be down In half nn hour nnd wallop
thnt misunderstanding out of him or bust
every linger on myspniikitig-hand. Don't
lot him temporarily withdraw before I
get thoro. "
Tobocr or Not Tohojr.
Tobo. , or not tobog : that Is the question ;
Whether 'tis wiser In n man toshnlllo
O'er slides nnd slip tips of unclenncd sidewalks -
walks ,
Or to take sled against a hill of Ice. sir ,
And by a scoot-down , get there ! To slide ; to
slip ;
To soar ; and , by that slip , to reach the end ,
The wind-up , nml the thousand bruising
bumps
That lloh Is prone to 'tis a comhustlcntion
Devoutly to bu dished ! To slide ; to slip ;
To slip ! Pel chance to Hop ; aye , there's the
For In that slip down hill what scrapes may
come ;
When wo have scratched up nil this mortal
hide ,
And skinned our paws ; there's the respect
That makes calamity ot that long slide ;
For who would bear the cuts and smarts of
consts ;
Tht ) steerer's wrong , the starter's stupidity ,
The pangsof o'erturned loads , the crushed-
up sleigh ,
The twenty-live cents out , nnd tho.smnrts
f'That .patient merit bears when sued girls
snicker ,
When ho himself might his quietus take
Oil a toboggan' , ' Who would ride n sled
To tieoot and gasp under a horse blanket ,
lint that the dread of not being fashionable-
Thai awful bete nolr , liom whoso frown
No tobo/ganer letnrns masters tlio hill ,
And maKe.s us rather take the IIH wo fear.
Thau lly In hastefiom the toboggan slide 1
In the Hamo Lino.
Texas Sittings : The Coal Oil Can and
the Hailroad Car Steve met the ether
day nnd shook hands with that cordiality
observed between two individuals en
gaged in the same line of business , who
do not compete with each other save in a
friendly way.
"How does the now year open up ? "
asked the Oil Can.
"First-rate for mo. " replied the Car
Stove , cheerfully , "wisiiiess was u little
dull betoro Now Years , on account of the
prolonged mild weather , 1 suppose ; but
with the cold snap that followed 1 had all
that I could do , Why , in ono day I
burned up half a doion cars and roasted
" " i about a score of passengers. "
f Y "That was a pretty good start for the
( now year I should say.1' returned the Oil
Can. "it isn't often that I can got my
work In on so ninny at a time. Yon
nmy have observed , though , that f havu
inled you gomuwhat in u railroad smash-
ip. Ion often tind mo hanging around ,
ready to assist in the general conflagra
tion. "
"Winter Is your bcstseason , I believe , "
said the Car Stove.
"Of course ; because there nro moro
( ires built. Yet the kitchen girl kepps up
the record pretty well in nil seasons of
theycar. 1 am such a help to start the
fire , you know. "
"Yos , " nddcd the Car Steve , with a
% vlckcd wink , "antl you start the kitchen
girl , loo. "
"jcou L-et Ido. Hut what's all this talk
about banishing stoves from cars1
"Talk , and nothing else. It nlwnvs
> ronks out in thenowspaners immediately
nfter we hnvo burned up a lot of passen
gers ; but it subsides soon after , and we
hear no more nbout it until there is
another nccldent. "
"Ain't you nfrnid the railroad mana
gers will substitute porno other system of
heating cars , and thereby throw you out
of a job * "
"No dnngcr of that , " replied the Car
Stove.
"Why not ? "
"My unsophisticated destroyer of kitchen
on girls , railroad companies never adopt
measures for saving human llfo unless
they can save money by it. Stoves are
the cheapest healers for cars , and that
settles it. "
"Yon have a prospect of carrying on
nn oxlnnslvo business for some time yet , "
remarked the Oil Can.
"Yes , i think so. There is only ono
fellow thai I'm afraid of. "
"Who is thatV"
"Public Indignation. When that is
fully aroused and it mav be , some day ,
when 1 have roasted too many prominent
iconic the B.imo day legislation may
janisli us from passenger-ears and wo
shall bo compelled to operate elsewhere. "
"That day is far distant , I tliinU. "
"And 1 think so , too.1 replied the Car
Stove , cheerfully , mid they parted in the
groalest good humor.
A Kallwny Accident.
JfnmMcr.
Wo sat within n railway car ,
A man named Jones and 1 ,
Whllo 1 fond glances bent afar.
Unto a damsel ni li ;
And thus by optic tuloernph
The trip was swlltly whiled.
Her glances mingled with our chaff ,
And once 1 thought she smiled.
"lly Jove I" said I to Mr. Jones ,
My now conquest to air , j
In most enthusiastic tones.
"Yon maid Is passing fair ,
And ever since I sat mo hero
She's wafted glances pi'it.
Sim's pretty.and it would appear
She Is Inclined to lllrr. "
Said Mr. . ) . , "Nav. think you soV"
( I know not well the youth ) ,
"Well , If you say so , wo will go ,
And speak to her In sooth , "
So over to her side wo sped ,
My mind with sweet words rife ,
And Jones , the villain , blandly.said ,
"Aw Mr. Smith my wife.1' '
Too Young to Toll the Time.
Columbus Dispatch : A voting man re
cently returned homo to his faithful and
'
wake'ful snouso so near daybreak that you
might call it early in the morning.
"My dear , how late you nro to-night !
'Where in tlio world have you been ? " was
the greeting ho received from his be-
nighl-gowucd wife as ho shulllcd up
stairs.
"Lato ? ( hie ) 'Tishn't late. What uiaksli
you ( hie ) shink 'slnlo ? "
" \Vliy \ , the chickens nre crowing. Don't
you hoar ? "
"Slnek'ns ? Shpring ( hie ) shick's. They
don't ( hie ) know what chime "tiss. " "
The Vorblnji Jinn.
"O , yes , I Clnlslmnseil , " says the man ,
Who skips from veib to noun ;
1 dined nnd turkeyed a la mode
And curry-sauced It down.
1 rcMauranteil everywhere ;
I whlskycd , neored and alea ;
Cigared i on havanas rare
And on regalias waled.
I New-Yearseil , too , on viands lich ,
And Icliamnagned myself :
Or Tomcd and Jenuycd , can't tell which ,
Kxpuiutltured my pelf.
1 rcsolntioncd on that day
As spirits thiobbed my Load ;
Hut when the p.ugs next panged away ,
I Just coektalled instead.
It Downed Him.
Wall Street News : "My son , " said the
old man as he blotted the chock am :
passed it over , "you are going out to
begin the battle of life. "
"
"Yes , father. "
"Go firmly resolved not to cheat , lie ,
indulge in false pretences or use under
hand measures. "
In about throe months a ragged , hun
gry , weary yoting man ascended the
steps of tlio family mansion , and the
father exclaimed :
"Why , William , what has happened ? '
"Did business according to your injunc
tions , and haven't got a red left ; " replied
William , as ho hung his lint on the old
familiar peg.
Transmutation.
Humbler.
When Edwin and talr Angellno
Were lovers and engaged ,
If she attempted any work
He straight became cmagcd ,
Ho ran to do her small commands
And placed the kids upon her hands.
Hut now that Angellno is wed
Her cares are far Irom light ,
And Edwin's love has grown so cold
That things aio dliT'ient quite ,
In Idleness around hastan < K
And leaves the "kids" upon her hands.
She Guvo Him ItaoK Hit ) Iicttcra.
She cave him bade his letters
With her line jiutrlelnn air.
While a tlngo ofgetitle sadness
Mane her seem moiu duly fair.
And thus the bond was severed ,
Whllo their love was In its spring ,
She gave him back his Ictteis
Hut she kept his diamond ring.
A .Montana Turnip.
Chicago Herald : "That's a good-look
ing diamond you nro wearing , " said a
far westerner to a waiter in tlio restau
rant at the Northwestern depot.
"It's a two-karat stone , " said the wnit-
cr , loaning over the counter.
"What did it cost ? "
"Two hundred dollars , "
" 1'vo got something bore myself , " snir
the oater , going down Into his pocket am
pulling out a big gold nugget.
"What do you call that ? " asked the
waiter with a short breath.
"No karat about that stone , " said tlio
western man , weighing the nugget in the
palm of his bund. "That , sir , is a Moil
tana turnip. "
In thn Jiigli Chair.
Chicago Herald : A hansom cab driver
had just vaulted himself into his sea
when a Clark street gamin opened his
mouth and yelled :
"llnlgh , doro ! who put baby in tlo big !
chairr"
Philadelphia will begin this month
special work townrds a grunt religious
revival. All the Kvangoncal churches
ot the city have united without respect
to denomination , and thus -100 congrega
tions will bn represented in the etl'ort
The city has been divided into eight sec
dons , nml every family iu each soctioi
will bo visited nnd ellbrts mndo to induce
non-churchgoers to join some congrega
( ion. In addition there will bo spccin
services nnd preaching in public hulls ii
each section of tlio city , nnd the bes
preachers of the town will tnke ttirnsii
holding Sunday afternoon services.t HI
Frequently accidents occur in the
household whloh causa burns , cuts
sprains and bruises ; for use in such case :
Dr. J. H. McLean's Volcanic Oil Liniment
mont has for many years boon the con
atuut favorite family remedy.
Square lanterns perforatednnd adornc'i
with largo opals nnd agates of various
colors , liml universal favor ,
COMFORTS IN COZY COTTAGES
Where People of Moderate Means Have the
Better of Rich Neighbors ,
LET IN THE FREE , FRESH AIR.
Mnlnrln , Colds nnd Consumption
Ilntclicd In Hot Houses Little
Tillies for the llonso Dcoo-
rntivo Notes ,
That Boy.
SI. Jxjtito OlMrrcr.
Through the house with l.itish nnd shout ,
Knees threadbare ntitl elbow nut ,
Mamma hears , with anxious douut ,
That boy.
Vain are nil the lessons taught ,
In onushort hour they nru forgot :
Ucntlc manners learnoth not
1'hat boy.
Thus she muses while slio tries
To soothe the wakonetl baby's cries ;
Whllo to other mischief hies
That boy.
With aching head this mother inlldj
Looks to the luturo for her child :
Still heedless yells , in accents wild ,
That boy.
She heais the dread , unearthly tone ,
And stifles something Itko a groan.
To sonic bad end will surely coino
That boy.
1'atlenl mother , wait awhile ,
.Summon back thy loving smllo
Soon will graver care beguile
That boy.
. Soon the bov "with check of tan"
Will bo the brawny , bearded man.
i If lliou wouldst trust and honor then
That boy ,
Tiust him now. and lot thy care
Shield Ills soul from every snare
That waits to capture , unaware ,
Tnat boy.
A Cheerful Cozy Home.
Phlliulelpltm Tress : A cheerful , cozy
homo. There is nothing like it. There ,
after nil. is where people of inodorato
means have the better of their richer
neighbors. Thut is , they manage ns a
rtili ! to turn their houses into nonius.
There's ; i Ing diucronco in the two words ,
ns you well know ; and it's n mistake to
imaglno nowadays that ono must bo
wealthy to beautify one's home. Marion
Foster \Vuhburu : shows this very plainly
and cleverly in the latest issue of Good
Housekeeping. First nnd foremost , she
says , a homo should not bo ugly that is ,
us the lir.st step toward the "beauty re
sulting , " the deformity must bo gotten
rid of. To retain the tidy carpet that
won't wear out , ami pile rich-colored
rugs upon it , is poor souse nnd poor econ
omy. A Royal Worcester vase on a bare
marble mantel , glaring white , or elab
orately blackened and gilded , is ns much
out of place as a bunch of roses in a coal
scuttle. The lincst evergreens or etching
will not appear to advantage on a white
wall. So , oven if the ugly carpet is not
worn out , it must go ; to make way for
something which , it it bo only ingrain ,
will be sott in color and inconspicuous in
pattern. A carpet which intrudes itself
upon notice puts the rest of the room out
of countenance. The bookcase cannot
hold its own against it , and the little evi
dences of culture shrink into obscurity.
Even if the carpet cost ? 3 a yard and was
the result of it long pinch of economy , if
it bo ugly lot it tro. Forget its cost , and
face ( irmly the fact that your best efforts
to attain beauty will fail as long as there
is any deformity present. Hut it need
not go for nothing. Send it to the auc
tioneer's I. ) ' . ! sure it is a largo shop and
you will often bo surprised at the amount
you will receive for it. There are many
of the unrc'gonorated who look only to
the money value and durability of an
article who will contend for it and give
you a fair price _ . You might set Ihc price
and order that it bo not bold beneath it.
Then , if it is returned to you , send it
with whatever other scraps of carpet you
may have to a carpet-weaver and have it
made into a really lovely nnd durable
rug , at 7o cents a square yard , about u' J
cents lirusscls width.
This is excellent advice , but you may
not agree witli all she has to say. For
instance : Don't attempt upholstered
chairs ; they are very expensive , very
cumbersome , and usually very ugly.
Some enthusiasts insist upon it that they
are unhealthy because of the quantity of
dust they secrete almost generate ; and ,
indeed , an upholstered chair that has
boon in a sick-room Is liable to becomq
a source of danger. Chairs made of
rattan are cheap , durable , comfortable to
the point of luxiinousncss , portable ,
cleanly , everything that a chair should
bo. Plush cushions make them neb-
looking ; ribbons make them dainty ; and
either can bo removed at will. I5ut even
in the way of rattan , n word of warning
may be tutored. Don't attempt to bring
a willow copy of the starry firmament
into your parlor. Stars are all right in
the heavens , but out of place on chair
backs. They prove that they are dis
gusted at such treatment by .steadily re
fusing to shino. Japanese fans and new
moons were never intended to join forces
in the support of the broad back of the
master ot the house , ami ought not to bo
expected to look lovely wlulo doing it.
Such designs are idiotic. They cost more
than the simple and nppropiiate patterns ,
nnd ono may combine economy nnd good
sense by shunning them.
Hut hero is an instructive bit ns to your
library : A book-case is an indispensable
addition to your parlor , unless there is a
separate library. Have Dimple shelves ,
about live in number , rather deep , with a
iilaco on top lor busts and vases. The
big things with glass doors are abomina
tions which sometimes have to bo toler
ated because they protect line books from
dust. Hut our poor housewife is not apt
to have such snperllno books and can af-
iord a little extra dust for the sake of the
extra convenience and beauty. And don't
attempt to cotnblno a writing-dusk nnd
bookcase. Those combinations nre always -
ways clumsy nnd expensive , with glued
ornaments , machine carving , ami much
veneer. It would bo utterly out of piano
in such a quiet and tasteful homo ns wo
nro suggesting. Hookcases of live shelves
may bo had in cherry for ! ? ! > or in oak
for the same price. In walnut they are
hard to iind , but cheaper when found.
Ono may bo made to order by n common
carpenter , of pine shellacked , if the
woodwork of the room is so , or stained
walnut if the woodwork is dark , or cherry
to match the other furnltnro. These need
not coma to nioro than § 5 , or ninybo loss.
Each shelf may have n llap of pinked
leather tacked to its lower edge with
brass-headed nails to fall over the tops of
the books on the shelf below.
Airing the House ,
Detroit Tribune : 'if trcsh-nir banks
could bo established , EO much a share ,
perhaps people would think it such an
indispensable luxury ns to bo indulged in
at any cost. Hut as it is as free as all outdoors -
doors , waiting at every crack nnd cranny
of the house to rush in and make pure
air ( it to.brcatho.itisnotniuchconsidored ,
even if it is not strictly shut out and
called unhealthy. A traveler riding
through ono of the small places near the
\ \ Into mountains , In summer , noticed
that every door anil window of the farm
house's were tightly closed ; only the sta
bles had openings to admit the delicious
mountain air. lie was not surprised to
hoar that the people of that place were
troubjod with malaria nnd almost every
other disease human beings nro heir to.
A lady said that for years she took cold
so easily that life was a burden. She
weather-listed nil her windows , nnd oycn
slutled cotton iu the keyholes , and always
were heavy furs when she went out in
winter. Iho utura sue tried to guard
against cold the- worse she grew , till
finally she had to stay within doors for
weeks at n time. Thnn she turned over
a new leal. The window of her bedroom
vrns let down from the top , and so con
tinued through the coldest weather. At
last she coul'-l sleep comfortably with Iho
wind blowing rignt across her bod. She
went out every day. fairwoathcr or fowl ,
nnd censed to swathe her neck in so
many folds. She can now get through
the coldest weather without being n pris
oner to the house , or even catching cold.
Mothers do not consider health enough
to the bedrooms. They are often small ,
carpeted and crowded with furniture. It
Is such n ITnulsanco to sweep such
cramped quarters that it is let go for
weeks. Dust collects under the bed , or
namented ncrhaps with its silken crazy-
quilt and elegant lace pillow-shams , anil
the ono window is kept tightly closed.
Then the mother wonders why the baby
should catch cold so easily nnd have a
croupy couch. The most healthy way is
to linvd no carpet , but mnts in front of
bed nnd bureau , nnd have the lloor wiped
over every week. Heavy curtains should
bo abolished. Let nothing impede the
sun and air coming in for hours every
morning. A celebrated doctor says :
"Tho very best cosmetic nnd eye-bright *
cner that can bo recommended , ns well
as one of the best prescriptions a physi
cian over gives for any nnd nil the ills
that Ilcsh is heir to , is sleep , sound , re
freshing sleep , and plenty of it. And ono
of Iho great secrets of getting it is plenty
of fresh air iu the bedroom. "
Ijlttlo Tidies About the House.
A dainty spread for a baby's bed is of
cream serge with pink clover blossoms
strewn over it. The border iso dgud with
pink nnd white cord.
A table-cover of gray-bluo satin sheet
ing has a flight of swallows embroidered
across it. The birds are worked In the
natural colors and form nn cll'eetivo de
coration.
A pretty bag for holding dusters is of
cream Inieu , embroidered with disks in
various colors. The top of the bag is
faced with turkey red , and the drawing
strings nro of pink and green ribbon.
A cream plush table-cover has the
border ami the center of Indian em
broidery applied with gold thread in ta
pestry stitch. The lining is pale-blue
satin , and a tassel fringe with nil the tints
that are found in the embroidery finishes
this rich cover.
Homo Decorative Notes.
Sapphire blue antl gray 3s an ofl'cctivo
combination.
Hlllinrd cloth is nn excellent founda
tion for a lambrequin.
Kgg stains can bo removed by rubbing
witli common table salt.
Squares of gold lace are an extremely
pretty addition to a plush chair.
A novel card-receiver is a porcelain
] > ug dog , holding iu his mouth a brass
umbrella- .
Small thermometers attached to brass
toboggans are among the popular oddi
ties.
Lemonade sets of L'omona glass have a
novel frosted ell'eet , and nre refreshing
to behold.
Square dinner plates grow in favor ,
and the newest nre a perfect study of ar
tistic decoration.
An inkstand in perfect imitation of a
silver ipx , with head of richly chased
silver , is a novelty.
The newest bottles for aromatic salts
are made of antique silver , chased in
Etruscan designs.
.Japanese teapots , being a square of
copper with bamboo handles , are to bo
the thing at 5 o'clock teas.
Italian wino jugs are now decorated
with iridescent metallics or bronzes , and
linished with fancy ribbon bows.
Spots of grease may bo effectually ; re
moved from the most delicate fabric by
the application of dry buckwheat Hour.
A mixturcofi , water and a little com
mon soda issaid , to possess rare ellicacy
in cleansing old painted surfaces for a
repainting.
Sprays of grass may be beautifully
frosted by dipping them in a solution of
gum arable and sprinkling them with
powdered glass.
MUSIC < AND DUA&1ATIC.
Stella Kees Is no lonzur with the Kdmiind
Collier company.
New VoiU ladies nio organl/lng anti-hat
theater pat He ? .
The Tlirro Guaidsmen is being rewritten
by Frank Mayo.
Sip. Capello is to reside permanently In
Sun Francisco.
D'Knnery Is said to bo about ninety , and to
hnvo written a play lor every year.
"Prison to 1'nlace" has been shelved by
Dominick Miuray. It was too weaK.
Johann Uartholdi , the Danish composer ,
has written nn ope'ra on the Lornlol legend.
Will S. IJIsing. n popular tenor , who 1ms
boon ill at Philadelphia , Is slowly recovering.
W. . ) . Florence and wlfn will shortly piny
an engagement at the Walnut , 1'hiladel-
phln.
Once more dm information Is imparted that
this Is Mile. Khea's farewell tour season in
America.
There Is some talk of forming n corpora
tion In London to produce English opera on a
largo i-cale.
TlioCerinan theater at .Moscow has boon
closed "on account of the Itutlircrenco of the
public. "
On January 24 the Third AvonnctheaUre ,
Now Yoik , will leduco its prices to the leally
popular ones of 10 , so and JiO cents.
Klrhnnl Mniibllcld opous at the Union
Stiiaio | theater. Now Voik , February 21.
1'rlnco IvQrl will be the nttiaction.
Annie I'lxloy will be on hand with "Tho
Deacon's Dauzhter" at tiio Union Sfjuaio
theater , New York , some time In April.
Mine , .laimiiseiiok will make her fmmvoll
appearance at the fhrsinnt Htieet Opera
house , 1'hlliidclphln , the weekot February 14.
"The Commercial Tourist's llride , . " ac
cording : to the Connecticut papers is a
success. Agnes Ilcmilon plays the leadlnc
part.
part.Louis
Louis Aldrlch will likely presnnt "Mv
I'.trtner" In London and thn Itrltlsh prov
inces fora season of se\en imuitlu ) , begin
ning In , lunn next.
Mrs. James Drown Potter need not tiiko to
the hta-'o to mnkfl a livlinr. as her husband
recently cleared 5100,000 In ono day by a
colTec speculation.
Laura Moore , the little prlmn donna who
sings " ( ialatou"onco a week In the American
Opera company , nuts 51SO for It about Sl.ftO
n minute durlni : that shoit opera.
Hartley Cnmpliell is said to ho much
stronger , physiehillv. than over before , and
the doctor * now say there Is a chance of his
being restored to reason ,
Joim S. Ularke , the American comedian ,
met with great enthusiasm in Ir.Maml. Tint
Dublin Freuman b-ivs he Is "nn nctor Conned
in natuie s merriest mood. "
Dr. Hum ( Jrlilln. Mary Anderson's step
father , has sailed for Kuropo In order to glvo
that nitlst the bonetit ot hlsdnewder jiulg.
munt in matters iclatlng to the Lyceum then
ter , which she u'ccnUy leased. Her engagement -
ment will begin In September.
The stockholders of the New York academy
of music , It .seems , niitgettlii' . ' tired ol paying
assessments , ami are eener.illy in fa\or of
leasing or selling the piopurty , It Is salil
the success of the Metropolitan opera hou-a
gave the old acailomy Its quietus. Henry K.
Abbey nnd ( iustavo Ambers are the chief
bidders for thonrailomy.
It is said Minnie I'.tlmer will Ml cnga--o-
incuts in this country next season , appearing
In "Fiou-Krou , " n now comedy by Fied Mars *
den called "Pert , or Mv Stepmother. " an op
eretta entitled ' 'Tho Klin : and K-eper. " and
thoeomedyof the "Little TieaMito. ' Out
lieio In the wild , untntoied west the people
would llko to see M. S.M. I' . ( M v sweetheart ,
Minnie Palmer ) attempt "Frou-Frou , "
Lawrence Unrrett's clothes and armor In
"Itlonzl" are worth S'-.OOO. His lirst dies * Is
ot black bioailcloth , His coronation robe Is
of gold plush. , embroidered with bullion ,
edited with cloth of void , dotted with Jeu el .
and worn over a blue and gold brocaded
gown , In the cathedr.il scene ho wears
white stamjiad plush , with the ( injures out
lined In gold. , in thn last act ho it clad In a
red plush gotvn , with jewels at the ueclc
waist. * '
BOOMERS OF BILIOUS BILLS ,
Proposed Legislation that Will Not Amount
to a Pinch of Snuff ,
SPECIMEN STATUTE STUFFING.
A Great Soldier Among Civilian * nnd
n Great Civilian Among Soldiers
Seine Laws In Umuryotio
Klstcnco.
LINCOLK , Neb. , Jan S .
dcnco of the Hun. ] When Hlackstono
wrote his commentaries , that wise old
English soul , ho certainly had no idea
that he was to have so many misguided
disclplc , nnd ho little thought that in
tlio name of "Law" so many serious
moral laxities would bo tolerated. Ho
taught as the first definition that "law is
n prescribed rule ot action. " He should
have said : Law is a proscribed rule of
ruin , success or defeat as the case may
bo. While this would have been true in
any souse , it would also have remained a
sort of nn admired nnd ambiguous prop
osition through all the years that lawyers
nml law arc to exist. Cnleb dishing , ono
of Iho greatest of American lawyers ,
once said : "Hob law of Its technicalities ,
half of the litigation would cud , two-
thirds of the so-called lawyers would bo
compelled to atlopt some other profes
sion. "
One of the grontest troubles noticeable
in the average law-maker or legislator ,
is his insane desire to poltuco himself
into cheap notoriety , by plastering his
name al the head of some bill , drafted ,
drawn and conceived by some outside
person , the motive , method and meaning
of which arc as strange to him as Greek
to a Commanche Indian. The ether dav
I read n long , tedious and wickedly windy
composition entitled "n bill for an act , "
etc. , from which no satisfaction regard
ing its intent could bo gained. The
statesman introducing this measure ,
filled with pent-up eloquence and itching
to get a "whack" at the house in urging
its'passago , was toiind , nnd 1 asked :
"What was your idea in introducing a
bill identical with a law already in force
though not enforced ? "
"Well , " said the follow , conveying a
sort of Randolph Churchilllsh importance ,
"I'll bo d - d if I've paid much attention
to these hero tilings. Some of my consty-
tttents thought 1 oughter introduce it , ycr
sec. Do you think they'll have a kar
oos ? "
Such was Iho wisdom being sacrificed
at jfU.OO per day.
In the bills introduced thus far. many
of them to pass , many to bo killed , there
is presented for weak mankind's perusal
a stately stack of inconsistencies , ambi-
tion-gratiliers and roput-ition-sprcaders.
To give the devil his dues , is a "Weakness
I possess , and to that end 1 am induced to
say that Colonel L. W. Colby ( no matter
how he obtained his military title ) has
introduced some valuable bills. The
method in his madness is not yet appar
ent , but as it is understood that the dashing
colonel never does anything- pleasure ,
there is
A oocoAXL'TTO ijn ni.i.r.n
witli milk , back of all this cll'ort lo servo
his state. It will bo remembered that
four years ago , when Colby mndo a path
to defeat , while running for judge , his
principal argument was references to his
record made in the legislature. While
all good nnd clover people fully appre
ciate his legislative ellbrts , his record out
side Iho legislature deteated him. It is
announced by his friends that ho is to be a
candidate again , and in his eyes
paradise is secondary compared with the
possession of Judge Hroady's ollicial
robes of ermine. Among his many bills
I notice one that is wondortul. Senate
lile No. 0 , introduced by the militia-man ,
proposes that the days on winch general
elections are held shaU be made public
holidays. While , ns n nation or state , it
has been often questioned if we have
enough public holidays , but what good
reason can bo given for prohibiting the
cashing of checks , giving of rates , no
transacting general business on electioe
dav ? Many citi/.ens live a long dibtaucr
Irom the place of voting. They often
nay their taxes and transact general
business on election day almost impossi
ble to attend teen other days. by reason of
distance and general inconvenionoa. It
is understood , anyway , that on election
day all clerks or servants have the right
to go and exercise this right , making
them sovereigns , but why all banks antl
public offices should be closed is n ques
tion needing nn explanation.
The festive chattel mortgage fiend
would never sleep again if a bill intro
duced by J. W. I'tichs .should pass. Jt
undertakes to .siy that a man shall not
under any pretext , receive , take or re
serve for the use of money , whether di
rectly or indirectly a greater rate of in
terest than 10 per cent per annum. The
chattel mortgage business nas assumed
wonderlul proportions in this state. The
man who is a lender charges the borrow
er 10 per cent interest , about 50 per cent
for his trouble , which amount is taken
from the original , and the cost of filing
and recording , drawing and releasing
papers all performed by the monied
man , makes it possible for the borrower
to believe that Shakespeare had ociin in
the chattel mortgage business when ho
wrote :
"Neither n borrower nor n lender bo. "
Under the present beautiful system of
doing men up with neatness nml dis
patch , a mini can go to where a sign
"Money to Loan" hangs on the outer
wall , and if lie possesses a cow , a horne ,
a wagon or a cultivator , free from all in-
cumbrances , he can negotiate a loan at
sixty days for the fctin ; ot $50. The papers
are drawn up , the interest ndded and
deducted , the "treasure" taken away , nnd
out. of the original ? 50 ho tnkcs nbout
$80 or ? 85 awny with him , At the end of
sixty days , if you hapoon to bn walking
down by the back yixrd , Just ns thoRoldon
sun is setting in the west , you will ob
serve
THE ClIATIEti MOnTOAOK MAN
milking the cow. nnd swearing vocifer
ously because she is not a solf-milkcr ;
while In the distance a hnlf starved and
poorly clnd family tnko their coffee with
out milk , Mr , 1-uehs should make his
bill read to the ctlcct that a man who
would give or take n chattel mortgage
should bo fined.
Mr. Sullivan , of Platte county , has in
troduced a bill which will add strength
nnd make township organization through
out the state probable. His bill is lo the
effect that whore a bridge is over MM feet
lone , in nny township , * the county shall
pay for its building.
Colby , introduces n bill making eight
hours a legal day's work.
House roll No. 3. , by Wat on Tyson ,
makes the liquor Jaw more stringent ,
especially on election days. Ho provides
for n line of $100 lor soiling or giving
awav intoxicating liquor on election day.
It is generally understood that in towns
nml cities there is nbout 10 pev conl of
Iho electors whoso wavering allegiance is
cemented by gin-mill gratuities , nnd
what effect total prohibition would have
on election day , is a problem so improb
able to imagine Hint the subject is dis
missed.
Fuller of Gage introduces a bill mak
ing passenger rates uniform throughout
the state on nil classes of railroads nnd
in nil localities. It wns Senator Van
Wyck'a wonder why people in the east
ern part of the Btnto should ride cheaper
than those poorer farmers living in the
far west , beyond nn imaginary line , nnd
us railway legislation is hard lo bo se
cured , this bill of Mr. Fuller's will be
watched with interest.
AIIOUT COl'NTY Tltr.ASl'linii- ! " .
C. J. Harrison introduces house roll
No. II , which , should it become a law ,
would make the election of a county
treasurer an easier task than now. it
provides Unit the county tieasuror shall
doposite all money belonging to the
county with some bank or banks , and
receive therefor the best rate of interest
possible. The interesl so earned to con
stitute a part of the iund earning it.
This bill , if a law , would deeido consid
erable. As the law now roads , the treas
urer and county are both prohibited from
receiving interest , The consequence is ,
in counties whore there are two or more
banks , each bank has a preferred cnndi-
date said candidate making a promise ,
often iu writing , binding himself , if
elected , to deposit all funds in such a
bank. For this ho receives the "support"
ot certain inlluoncos. The new proposi
lion would certainly bo acceptable.
J. C. Watson introduces a bill regulat
ing the use and rental of telephones. In
stead of paying imormons routs for the
hello machine , he proposes that whore
one machine is used n sum not greater
than ? 'J.50 per month shall bo charged ,
and when two or more telephones are
rented by the same individual , company
or corporation , a sum not greater than
§ 12.00 per month shall bo charged.
COUXTV .IULHIKS.
J. P. Lindsay , ot the far west , whoso
homo is at Heaver City , comes down with
a bill which savs no person shall bo
eligible to the office of county judge un
less twenty-five years of ago , and a law
yer , regularly admitted to practice as an
attorney in I he slate , nnd is nn attorney
in good standing. It may be true that n
man should be twenty-livo years of age ,
but it is a fact that among the many
hundred county judges who hnvo held
office in Nebraska during the last twenty
years , these who were not lawyers gave
the best satisfaction. The small salary
paid the judge , will not allow n good
lawyer to squander his time in that
capacity. Mr. L. is doubtless hedging
and expects to run for judge next year.
The clearest case of where mem burs
are throwing themselves away for bun
combe , is witnessed iu the do/en bills
for normal schools. Hamilton county ,
the homo of Ageo wants one ; Geneva
wants one , Ked Cloud wauls one , and a
half do/.en other counties. The treasury
would bo depleted if half the bills would
pass. A law is needed limiting the
duties of the legislature to legitimate busi
ness. To enact laws needed and neces
sary is supposed to bo their duty. They
construe it thai the treasury is a grea't
grab-bag , nnd too mriiiy deluded and
misguided statesmen bend their pin
hooks , and fish for appropriations.
A i. FAIIUIIEOTIIUH.
11UMG1OUS.
There arc now IU Congregational churches
in Cnllioinia a net gain of eight dining the
last year.
The Voting Men's Christian associations
now have S-)033l ! ) ) : ! in property , buildings
ami secuiitie-i.
There are -tG,14.r German Methodists In the
United btates , with 5tt"J piobattonersand
0 > ministers.
The hospital Sunday collections this year
In London have yielded ' , ' 00,000 , the largest
amount ever obtained.
The gospel Is pieached in the United
States by members of the Lutheran church
in ihlitcen dlllerent languages.
The Now South Wales Congregational
Union reports n-celpts lor tlio p.ibt year of
over thirty-nine thousand pounds.
The number of candidates lor the minis
try of the Episcopal chinch In the United
States Is : ui. a smaller number than at any
time since IbfiS.
Mr. Spurgeon says of the t-'alvatlon Army :
"it it were wliied out In London , r.,000 e.Mia
policemen could not till Us place in the re
pression ol ciimc and disorder , "
The Income of the board of foiolgn mis
sions during Its last ilimiiclnl year , liom nil
sources , was 8715,101. That of tlio Amerlean
board during Its last Iliiiinelal year w.is SUM-
The Union Mission , of liuir.do. N. V. , un
der thn direction of Miss Anna W , PIOSMM- ,
has closed its lir.st yeai , and lepoilsJWI uov
pel meetings. vith an attendance of iiO.OO'J
and OQ conversions.
Inn , Hnnparlnn. Hohemlnrii foils ! ! , Slavic ,
Arable , Mrcck , Anncnlnn , Hebrew awl Portuguese
tuguese ,
The first theological seminary of the Re
formed F.pl-copsl denomination , which U
bolmr erected In West Philadelphia nt n cosl
of 8200,000 , is nearly completed , nnd will be
open for the reception of students nt the bo *
plnnlntr of the coming school year. The In
stitution will bccln Its work free of debt nnd
nn endowment of SW.MO.
Ht. llnv. Or. llcrzog , Knm.in Catholic
bishop of Urcslnu , Is dead. The see ot JJres-
lau Is one of these that remained vacfcnt for
several years under the application of tlio
May laws , through the refusal of Tope Plus
IX. to accept tlio nominations of moderate
churchmen by thn ( lermnn government.
Forstcr. the pi luce-bishop , died In exile In
1SS1. Under the accommodation finally
ncrccd upon between Leo XIII. and the gov
ernment nt Iterlln. Ur.licrzog was appointed
and confirmed , llo was n far less notnblo
person than Dr. llcrzog \ \ ho was chosen In
1310 bishop ot the Old Catholics ot'Switzer
land ,
IIONISY K ' - LAD1I2S.
Kpaulctles nnd "i opes" of beads , or deli
cate passementerie , nio used upon woolen
diesses.
Mrs. Agnew and Miss Doilco have taken
their scats as mumbcis of the Now York.
board of education.
A novelty In dress buttons arc largo ball *
of wood showing the train , stained , highly
polished , and mounted on silver ntul steel
eyes.
eyes.Wide low collar : ) , exposing ( ho throat , nro
to bo worn , and It Is predicted that hlzli col
lars and lull niches nio soon to bo aban
doned.
A tiny capote of Jetted velvet la trimmed
with a largo fan of nslics of roses \clvet and
n black aigrette. The strings nro ot blade
velvet.
In ilch toilets the principal plaits are
fastened by full bo \\hllellght materials
have the llouiiecd trimmed with a band ot
ilbbon.
Mrs. George Sago , of llnrlan. Iowa , la re
ported to Imve tiavoled U.OOO miles In pursuit
of her husband , \\lio last fall lan of with the
hired girl.
Dodlces of velvet hnvo panels cut In ono
with them , and term an exceedingly handsome -
some combination with stilped wool skirts
nnd drapery.
Metal bead ami mother-of-pearl and carved
wood anchors , plus and fancy heads ,
brooches , buckles nnd ornaments arc used to ,
excess In mllllnciy. J
A circular of brown serge IB lined with J
dnik-rud India silk. The high collar has n I
delicate design of popples mid wheat ears
cmbioldercd upon it. ,
1'ellsscs of gray plush , lined with pink , nro
coming In vogue for bibles' wear. The hood
must match the pelisse and bo tied with softt
pink-satin strlncs.
Open-worl : fillk with hcrrlng-bono effects
has lines ot tiny silk dots. A cicam ground
has dots of blue , and n ulnk giound dots of
golden yellow and while.
A I'm Is correspondent writes that white
coiduroy Is used for simple homo costumes )
and combined with plain white woolca ma
terial It Is used lor te.i gowns.
Mrs. Nettle (5teon , the "queen of Wall ,
Street , " who owns several southern lailroadn , i
is said to bo living at Far Uockaway this i
winter , paying § . " 5 per week for board. i
Mrs. Nancy Goimnii , who Is nincly-oiia
yeais old , at n recent lUiptlst festival hf Now
Haven , sang a sonir of her childhood In n
most agreeable and vlcacious manner.
Kxtremcly low sandals of broimi kid , dec
orated with small buckles of old paste , nro to
be worn tills \\lnter with the Grecian and
other classic toilets which are to prevail.
Carriage cloaks aio very long. They are usu
ally ot some color lather than black , and .
aio made ot eloth , velvet , or plush. They are '
elaboiately trimmed with loathois , furorbcad
ombioideiy.
A rich and refined silk fnbtle has Inco and
matchtsse altcrnntlntr. In the thick stripe Is
a diamond , outlined by a surah weave , thus
ptcscntlng three tones ot the color produced
by the weaving.
There Is a revolt against small bhcls and
feathers of the same lor millinery oinaments
among these ladies who wish to pul n stop to
tiio slaughter of the 1'otest birds of America ,
and tlio whole world.
The plaid and fancy velvets have not been
a success this hcasoii , despite the many efforts
made to popularize them. Slrlneil ones , with
alternate silk Miipes of a little lighter shade ,
are much moic popular.
Nine llttlo liouiangeis within two years
twins , triplets ami qiiadiupletb Is the start
ling record ot Mrs. Uonlnngcr , of Branch
county , Michigan , i'itv that the queen's
bounty Is not an Institution ol this lepublic.
A woman who was lost In the woods of
New Hampshlie lor three days said that tlio
mo t hhe suffered fiom was In not having
her knittinir along , and she blamed lieiself a
uood deal lor not blinking a hand-glass with
her.
her.The
The most elegant pints do suede 1110 lined
with or inther ( need with black kid and
h.xve black buttons. Allhlmilesof lan color
and also delicate lavender nro fashionable in
these glo\cs. The length Is four buttons and i " 4
close wrist.
The favorite dress for afternoon receptions
is made of gray silk : ono ol'tlie soft silvery
shades Fiunchgray. This Is combined with
plush of the same wliadn or biocnded silk witli 1
tones of ] ) ale blue. Scarlet Is also a popular Kg I
combination with these mays , and the hand
some dicas ol'gray silk had a wait of poppy *
red crape.
The fawn-colored cover coats that appeared
In tliu autumn are still been upon the avenues
ono line days , and are extremely becoming
pniticularly when tlio miilT and long boa are
of black lur , cither lynx or marten. These
cover coats , howover.must ho made by a skill
ful tailor , lit accurately , and be made with
what aio known as"tallor seams"tlmt Is lap
ping oor each othor.
AJNow York lady of moro indolence than
\\it keeps herself well up In the fashionable
wlms by means ol the pumper nnd the pol-i
islier. Not being willing to devote herself to
study to meet the lefpiiioments of Intel
lectual society , she adopted this method :
"I had hoard of the pumper ; some of the
glils I used lo know employed him : and HO L
co to him three or four times n week ami get
filled up with Information about anything L
want to know. 1 go to the polisher icgularlv
every day , tell him wheio 1 oxnect logo and
whom I expect to sec , ami then he gives mo a
lot ot blight thingH to Kay ami queer little
Ideas to sandwich In. nnd runny Htorlon to
toll \\illprolialilylio npiopos lo the con
versation that I .shall engage In. That man
has been woith his wolght In gold to me. "
Far better than the hnrsh treatment of
iiiedie-iiie-s which horribly gripe the pa
tient and destroy the coating of the
stomach. Dr. J. ll. McLetin'H Oliilla and
Fever Cure , by mild yol cfi'oetivo action ,
will cure. Sold nt HO cents n bottlo.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL , PROPERTY ON SALE BY THE
Considering location and prices , is the best investment in the market
A thorough investigation will convince Lots in Washington Square , city wato Loin on North 20th fctrcct , $3,000 lo
tlio most skeptic : ! ) . 1'roperly well bought in front of overylot , § 1,800 to $3.50(1. ( 51.0'W. '
is twice sold , uiul persons vvho Imve pur Lots in Summers tV Ilimobaiigh'H add Wo nlh'p havn some valuable mil nil
chased through Saunders iv Ilimebaiigh to Walnut Hill. $150 to sfiioo. Only two property fur sale. Firnt cliio.s corner on
have never failed to make money. Con blocks1 from Kelt Line depot ; payments ledge ) , paying fl.COO rent , for iJ,000. ? : ! )
stant increase of business tolls the story. easy. I'n.yiiieiits eiwy.
Fair dealing , courteous treatment , live Lots in Mt. Pleasant addition , ? 3.V . ) to -H feet on Fnniam , in biiBlnnsi part ,
and let live policy must win. Their largo ? 17''i. 10 percent down , balance fc5 and fw.ooo.
list of inside property is of the bust nnd monthly payments. 11 foot , Improved , on Douglas St. , be
the grand Improvements in and around Luis In Saunders & Himebaiighs High tween mil nnd imii , $ : :0,00 : < ) , n bargain.
their five additions , with Hull Line ac land 1'urk add , from $17r to50 enoh 11 foot on Farnain , well improved , for
commodation nnd street cars noon to Ten per cunt down , * 10 monthly $15,000.
come , must certainly result in largo prof payments , The cheapest property in Call nnd KOO us. No trouble to show
its to investors. Nothing risked , nothing or hear the city. property.
gained , iio wise nnd buy from the ' Lot and two houses in Omnha View ,
Omaha H-ini Kslnto and Trust Co. , IB01 Lots in Kilby i'laco ? 1OCO toiJl.fiOO. $ : iWO. ! Thid U u bargain. Jmvstiirnto.
Fnrnani St. , where success will bo sure to Lots in Cntalpa l'lac8UCOlolJOO. ! Lot on Farnain stin West Knd , 50x
follow your purchases , Head the follow * Lots on Saunders street$1,000 to f 1,500 180. * 5C03 ; ono third cash.
ing partial list-
1504 =