10 THE OMAHA DAILY I3EB : SUNDAY , JANUARY 30 , 1887.-TWELVE PAGES *
MINDS MELLOW ASD MOODY ,
Half Hours With the Melancholy YTiti of the
Country ,
THE TOO FRESH TOBOGGANER.
Tlio Widow ami ttio Widower on n
Narrow Jtond Poems on 1'nsslon
and HomictH A Select As-
flortmcnt orSnillcs ,
Xho Too Fresh Tel > occi\ncr.
From the Montrtnl SMr.
[ Ho callelh for his lady love. ]
Tim lanterns nro shining , my love , my dove ,
Away to tlio sllile let's he JoRulnc !
.For ti rltlo I nin plnlnir , my ilove , my love ,
And I've Iirouulit out my little toboggan :
So put on your bltinkct coat quick us tuny bo ,
And come to tlic slide nnd toboggan with me ,
Conic , rldo on my llttlo toboggan.
The north wind Is blowing , my lovcmy dove ,
It Isgpleiulld toboKcnnlngventher ;
So let us bo Kolnp , my dove , my love ,
And Mhlo and tobo can together.
Oh , hasten my poorlefs one , elf let us Jo ? ,
And tla.sh down tlio slldo on my llttlo touog.
Dash down on my llttlo toboKcan.
fThoy sally forth and reach the slide. ]
At Inst ofT wo'ro whizzing , my love , mj dove ,
A ml down tlie stoei ) slldo we nro flashing ;
Hear the nlr pass us li/zlng.my dovemy love ,
At on we K < > Hlatliltii ; nnd crashing.
"We're ncnrliig thebottomtnhnlwonrothere
* * * * * * *
JJiit whcic'fl my toboggan , nndvh ro nre
vou , dear ?
Wneie's my love nnd my llttlo tobopsanV
IKmerijps from snow heap and gazes wildly
around.J
What can htvvo occurred , my love , my dove ,
With something 1 must have collided ;
1 must hnvit l > eun llnriled , my dove , my love ,
And must have nnsklirnllyculdcil.
.My vehicle made from the baric of n loff ,
3ly little toboggan , my little lobog
Jlnt wheie the deuce Is my toboggan' . '
Ah I now I espy yon , my love , my dove ,
lint who In ttio nn.schlet's ( hat roller
Who walks so close by you.niy dovcmy tove' . '
It's that brute of n clerk that teller.
Ah I woo mo unhauny ! now homeward I'll
log ,
For my love 1 have lost , nud my llttlo tobotr ;
Vf-s , all smashed Is my llttlo toboggan.
Moit.vu
YOUIIB fellows give ear ; cro yon ? o to the
slide
With your girl , learn to stonr , for n dtilTer
No lady can care for , and If you can't guide
Your toboggan , you'll certainly suffer.
As my hero nbove , whoso uiisUillfiiliioss cost
Him the loss of his girl , and bcsldo her he
lost
llolost , nh 1 his llttlo toboggan.
After They Found Out.
Detroit Frco I'rcss : A Detroitor who
was driving out on the llolden rorul tlio
other ( lay came to a sot ] ) where tlio snow
had badly drifted on each side of the
truck just as si woman driving a horse
nnd "puiiR1' entered the other ciia of the
cut. As both hold to the road their horses
soon came head on and stopped.
"Why didn't you turn out ? " shouted
the man.
"Why didn't youV" replied the woman.
"I've got seven miles to drive , but I'll
stay hero nil winter before I'll turn out ! "
"And 1'vo got five dozen eggs hero ,
nnd I'll lot them freeze us hard as rocks
before I'll give an inch I"
The man dronpod the lines , lighted a
cigar and leaned buck on his seat. The
woman dropped her lines , lighted her
pipe and wrapped the old bun'ulo robe
around her feet. Thus they sat for eight
minutes , when the man grew impatient
and pulled :
"What's the price of hogs out your
way ? "
"Oh , you've got all the porn you want
in vour sleigh ! ' she answered.
"I'm ' widower "
glaclT'ni a !
"I'm glad I'm a widderl"
-"KliJp. Are you a widow ? "
"Surtin , and I own 'J5 acres of the
best land in Greenfield. So you are a
widower ? "
"Ycs'tn. .Madam , prav excuse me.
I'll cheerfully turn out.
"Oh , don't " mention it. I'm perfectly
willing "to haul into the snowbank. "
"Ah ! mudam , allow mo to liopo that
you will overlook my"
"Oh , certainly. Kino weather , but
rather cold , Good by. "
"Hood by , madam. Uopo you a ssfo
Journey. "
Boarding Jlouno Grammar.
The nice , now dairy butter , direct from
the creamery , which the lundlady had
told them about , was on the table , and
Chuinploy tried it. Then ho peered under
the plato and all about it for a moment
or two.
"Mr. Chumpley , " said the landlady ,
very severely , "will you please parse the
butter this wayy"
" 1 should prefer , " answered Chumpley ,
in his mcekost tones , "to decline it in
my own way. "
1'oeiiin of I'ns.slon.
SI. Lwtti U'dKj ) .
O , tlio wild , wild night when the tempest
roars
And the sea-birds screech on bight
And the breakers beat on the sounding
shores
And echo along the sky 1
When ( lie jlmJuin bird and the Jlnnmloo
Hear the smlilun slough of the t > ei ,
I hnrncnS n whale and drive to you ,
Ami I hold you on my knee I
X harness a whale of the whalef ill kind ,
And my cart rides on coral wlu-oK
And I skim the brine , nnd the sighing wind
Aiouuil and ubove me leels ;
O , the sad , sad sea and the wide , \vlilto
whale
.SPPIIIS over too slow for mo I
lint If I must rldu on n splintered rail ,
Jly dnrllni > , I go to thvel
O , the wlmlo Is stow nnd the wheels need oil ,
And Iho shark express goes by ,
And they leave the sea for the sandy soil ,
And the foam for ( ho darkened sky ;
And my whale Is old and his tenth nro gone ,
And he's lost Ills way In the sea ,
But if I must put my cart in pawn ,
.My ( lulling , I come to thuu !
The Ijonrncif Sinter.
San Francisco I'odt : Lady Lawyer ( to
witness ) You liavo been an inlinmto
friend of the family , Imvon't your
"You. "
"You hnvo soon the defendant hero ill
liso his "
Ho Lawyer I object. Tim question is
Improper.
The Court Object ion sustained.
Lady Lawyer Haven't you soon the
defendant
Ho LawyerIbjeoj same ground.
The Court Same ruling.
Lady Lawyer Well , then , what I want
to know is hasn't his wife , my client ,
Leon shamefully ill
llo Lawyer Ibjco.
Court Jection stained.
Lady Lawyer i'leaso state , then what
you know uuout tlio cruelty of the man
toHo Lawyer Ibjpo ,
Court Same ruling. Ask the witness ,
madam , to toll what ho knows.
Lady Lawyer Well , that's what I'm
dolnul Now , sir. tell us what you know.
Witness About what ?
Lady Lawyer Why , about the cru
elty
Ho Lawyer Ibjoo.
The Court Jeetion stained. No moro
of this , madam.
Lady Lawyer Very well. Now , then ,
witness , toll us what you know.
Witness Ask mo ( juestions ami I'll
imswor 'eui ,
Lady Lawyer \ \ hy , just tell us how
you luivo seen him abuse Oh , dear me , I
iorgot. Wull , tell us Oil , Judge ( breakIng -
Ing down in tears ) , ho knows perfectly
well what. I want him to say !
The Court Ueces.s for half an hour.
Our learned sister can ompl.oy the time
in commposlng herself.
I'laylut : ijunntio Asylum In the.i'nrlpr
The small boy who had been watching
a stovepj.uo hole ihoantiwof .a
lovlnc couple , ran down to the kitchen
in high glee to descrlbo the whole pro
ceeding to his little sister.
"Oh , it's such fun , ' said he , in conclu
sion.
sion."Whatis
"Whatis such fun ? " asked his mother ,
who had just entered.
"Why. to play lunatic asylum like
Sister Hortio and Mr. Snips arc doing in
the parlor. "
A Now College .Degree.
A pompons' gentleman of this city was
recently approached by a friend who
greeted him with outstretched hand and
a pleasing smile :
"Let mo congratulate you , " ho cried ;
"your collpgo has given you n degree. "
"How-wTiat ! " said the other. "I
haven't seen anything of it. What is it ? "
"They have made you an L. ( j. G. "
"No , really , have they * An L. O.Ct.
Let mo sec , t'.iat is "
"Let 'ergo , ( iallaghcr , "
They haven't spoken to each other
since.
A Supplication to Htmncts.
Stand not upon the order of your going off ,
but go elf at once.
Kach bonnet is a love and love Is kind ,
And at our plea naught that Is kind will
scoff ,
Hence we beseech you , wo who sit IIP/- ! .1
O , bonnets , get you down , come off , como
off I
Tim derp damnation of a taking off
Moved Shakespeare's wrath ; but now the
public rage
( Jalnst the damnation of your staying on ,
10 lovus of bonnets that shut out the
stage 1
0 fall to beauty's Inn In cloak room stay
He Moored bo tabled take a bed a chair
Or llKo the llowers sang by Thomas ( Jniv ,
\ \ asto your tall sweetness on the desert
nlr I
Let Dundee bonnie , If she feel that way ,
"up with the bonnets" sln.g wo shall not
fiown
If but at concert , opera nnd wlay
All oilier bonnets will but sweetly down I
The prayer of AJnx fits our lips nllamo ,
Ashlghyoiir blooming barricades do soar ,
rrom the old hero rang the fierce exclaim
" ( live mo to see and Ajax asks no more. "
The Widow's HortKni cs.
Wall Street News : "Let's sec , " ho
mused , as lie softly pulled at , his car ,
"your name is Johnson , isn't it ? "
"Yes , sir. "
"You married a widow over at Turkey
Bend who had $20,000 in mortgages ? "
"I married a widder. "
"And the mortgages ? "
"Wcro on the widder's property , gosli
hang it ; I'm up hero now to see 'if false
teeth is a ground for divorce. "
Palmistry.
"Willyou favor mo with your hand ? "
ho suid.softly
"Oh , George ! " she exclaimed , blushing
becomingly ; "this is so sudden. Koally ,
1 hardly know what to say. "
"I am very deeply interested in palm
istry , you know1 , " he explained.
OAnd lie never could understand why
she loft the room with such a display of
temper.
There Slio Had Him.
lie hadn't quite come up to her stand
ard and she refused his escort to the pic
nic. Ho said :
"Why , you're as full of airs as a hand-
organ to-day. "
' 'Maybe ram , " she tossed out. "Any
how 1 don't go with a crank. "
The Use of IllKli Honriots.
Chicago Rambler : Manager : ( Joing to
have a good house , John ?
Box Office Man : I'm afraid not.
Manager : li'm ! 1 hat's bad ! Com
pany never does good work to a poor
house , and all the critics will bo there.
Well , put all the women who eomo for
seats in tlio front row.
Box Ollice Man : What for ?
Manager : Well , with a double pur
pose : To hide the empty seats from the
company , and the company from tlio
critics.
Ono From tic Itcalnm of Faro.
Chicago Herald : "I don't play poker
very much , " .said a Clark street haintuo.
"but faro-that's where I live. 1 was
way out west one time , ami they had a
little snap faro game , running. 1 was
Hat broko. Finally I said to tlio dealer :
'Mr. Dealer , will you take collateral ? "
"Tuko anything , " says ho. .
" 1 put a silk umbrella oirtho ace. Onn
turn out of the box and two aces showed
up a split. The dealer never cracked a
smile , but taking in my umbrella ,
reached over and put a parasol on the
ace "
The Height of Fashion.
I.ol tlio
poor wuniim
whoso unlmlnucetl
mliiJ iiml.iis liur weiir
lints line this to tctfiso
iiiiiiikinU who flos to
view the pluy.hnt K/UIU /
lit this pyramid , which
fasliIon calls u lint A wo
man' * "MimtlslroiiHT. " yet
this hat's Kront weight
must Rtiruly crush lior
soft nnd vlofillmr pnui. Shu
is "Ili'ht'f himiloil , ton , unit
innylio thnt Is wlij" she ( rnts
ovtitiK'iil-licicI by this nut.
1'urhnps Hlio wei'.rs tills fun
nel wu ulilior to nmkc the
mou look nit to her tlio moro
but , if her hoiid WHS "lovt > l"
BliiMvoiild know tliut huts ns
hlKh us thU nro very'low. . " Wo
jilty lior who nco < | g u lofty hut
tn lift lior liuiul which otherwise
lii'Mlut. " Without tlila hat wo cun't
mi throujtli her ijulto , but with
It she's moro piiy/IInK mill u'Trlirlit. "
Aluanhis ! weiiiuii who foot the bills know
woiiK'iis'B linti oomohlt.'li like other llls.but
when thoy'ro lilidius tinswo'vuirot tostriko.un-
tllthfyshoot the hut" wo > illsltito.
Ho AVas
Chicago ItamblerVoll : , sir , " re
marked the Kaiisan iipotliHcar.v to thn
applicant tor a position , ' 'what have you
to say for yourselfv Can you mix pro-
scriitlons | ? "
"No , sir , " was the prompt reply , ' 'but
I tended a cigar store for two years and
worked for a while in a wholesale liquor
house. "
"Well , you'll do. You can relieve mo
of about nine-tenths of my work. "
His I'uy * Mcunso on a Dot ; .
Detroit 1-reo 1'nssst "I like to ask you
if dero vhassonio license to keep a dog ? "
inquirer Mr. Dundor , as ho carefully tip
toed in the presence of Sergeant Itandall
vesterday.
"Yes , sir , there is. "
"Who gets him * "
"You huvi ) to go up stairs to tlio oflicit
of thoclly clork. "
"Doan somopody como to mo after
himy"
"No , sir. "
"Vhull , dot vims curious. Last week
Shako goes oudt mit Mount Clemens to
see his aunt , mid he prmgs him home a
dog. Mo keep him tied OOP mil dor pack
yard , mid ho vims homo only one tiny
when a man walks into my bluco unit
says vims I Carl Dundery I vims. All
right. Ho llkn to get dot license on Shake's
dog. Der rogulnr pncij vhas $1 , but ho
make it soox shillings , pocauso it vims
hardt times. "
"And you paid * "
"Vhull , 1 donn1 like to hnf dot dog
kilt , yon see ? Kaferypody says ho vhab
sooch a dog ash shmclts some tiger or
lion two miles avhay. Next day a stran
ger comes in with a stimuli peek in his
hand , mid a pencil oafer his car. Vlias I
Carl Dunder. I vhas. All right. Ho
like to "ct dot license on Shako's dog.
If I paidiiim to somopody else dot vhas
nothings mit him. He vims a friend to
Shako , liowofer , und ho makes it fcolty
cenUJ. "
"And you paid that ? "
"VheJI , sergeant , dot vhas a good dog.
If somohurglara vhas a mile away ho
howls und wakes usoop'.und saves us
3,000. Jis morning 'a stranger comes
.id. . Jle haf some budge-on. Viuis 1 Carl
Dutulcrt I vims. Ho likes to pet dot li
cense for Shako's dog. If.I . I pay some-
jody else I vhas a fool. Nonody can col-
, cct dot license onless ho haf dot badge
oil. Being as L vhas swindled ho luako
it 25 cents. "
"And you were fool enough to pay ? "
"Vhcll , sergeant , I pays taxes in two
wards , und I vhas headquarters for cam
paign clubs. Dot dog vhai great on
coons'und elephants. Vhas it some
shwmdlo on me ? " ,
"Certainly it wastou ought to be
scnttoanayslum ! "
i "Sergeant , look at my eye , und ( loan1
you forget him ! 1 vhas going home.
Somepody vhill como in. Vhas 1 Carl
Dunder ? 1 vhas. Alt right. Sergeant , I
shall shtimp on dot person like a spar
row on an elephant. I vhill proak him
in two mid drag him aroundt und bung
his hendt mit dpin lloor until dor coro-
* ncr linds only one car und a shirt button
to hold an inquest on ! Coed pyo ! After
1 vhas in shall come und see mo some
times , for I vhas an honest man who haste
to defend my family.
OALIFORNIAN SKETOIIE3.
All Europeans are interested in at lonsl
three things in the United Stales ; in
Niagara because of it-- * water ; in Salt
Lake City because of ist Mormons , and
in California because of its gold. At this
moment two leading reviews of the old
world are entertaining their readers with
Califoriiinti sketches , llerr K. Heyer in
the Deutsche Kundschau of Berlin , and
M. de Variguy in the Hovuo dcs Deux-
Monties of Paris , are depicting in a most
entertaining manner scenes on the Pa
cific slope.
The December number of the ( termini
magazine contains three pictures of Cali
fornia life. In the lirst , llerr Hoyer gives
a detailed and instructive description of
the hydraulic gold washing of Nevada
county , "ono of the most original and
grainiest mechanical creations of recent ,
years. " llo then dwells on the struggle
between the miners and farmersand tolls
how the former had tin- upper _ hand dur
ing nearly a whole generation , but how
the latter finally wont before the courts
and asked that their liolds bo protected
against the damage occasioned by the
mining interests of the mountainous re
gions , llerr Uo.yor examines the proposi
tion of Mr. Hall.the engineer , who advo
cates the construction of dams in the val
leys which will retain the sand discharged
on to the farming lands through the gold
washing process. But the German writer
takes ground against this plan. He thinks
that these dams will oiler only temporary
relief , and believes that it will require
large sums of money to keep them in re
pair. He proposes the levying of a special
tax on tlie faimers and the minors , anil
the negotiation of a special loan , which
money is then to bo spout in improving tlio
river beds , llo would next limit the
amount of washing to the point where
the streams would bo able to curry oil'
naturally the snnd thrown into them. By
this means Herr Keyer believes that the
two interests could bo conciliatedand the
miners in the mountains and the farmers
in the lowlands bo on friendly terms
again.
llerr Ue.yer then takes un the period
when gold was discovered -California
and dwells on the development , of mining
interests in the Sierras. During his wan-
dorinirs ubout in those regions , ho came
to the works on Mill creek whore iie mot
with three remarkable specimens of
"pioneers of civilization , " as he calls
them , llo says that he spent several
agreeable days with them and thus trot an
insight into their modes of life. Ono of
his liools gave him this picture of their
existence : "iu Europe a man is contented
to die in the same place where he was
born , after buying led a humdrum exist
ence do void of all excitement. Hero , on
the contrary , n healthy dfscontcnt reigns.
Wo are .striving after inllueiicc and
wealth , not simply to enjoy the riches ,
but because this struggle is agreeable to
us. Wo could not endure the pro-aio in
activity of civilix.alion. To-day wo are
up , to-morrow we sire down , and the fall-
inis ! ; as exciting ns tinrising.1'
Further on , the author relates his ex
cursion to the mountain city of BodSe ,
which lie describes as being now an in-
KignHicent place of a few hundred in
habitants , after having been , for a time.u
most lloiirishinir town. He says that the
gold interests of Botlie were managed in
the most reckless munncr. thuttlut minors
guined immense sums one day , und spent
them the next. Iu.1877 , according to our
( ! ciman authority , tin : liodie mines were
quoted on the stock exchange for a few
months nt some two millions of dollars.
But their value fell us rupidly us it hud
risen , und in ISSI ! you could buy all the
.stock for less than § 8,000. Herr Heyer
then goes on to say : "Aluny other rich
mines shrink up in America in this same
way , winch circumstance cannot he too
severely blumed and denlored. Mines
like those of Bodio have boon profitable
for u season , and they might ha\u been
made to yield even moro if they had been
properly managed , lint the fabulous
dividends that arc declared invite compe
tition , and enormously ex'iiensivo enter
prises are undertaken , which swamp tlio
companies and kill the mine. Such great
outlays would never bo iiiude if people
were not worked up to a fever-heat of ex
pectation by the tremendous dividends
paid by llilsor that mining company. But
it is thu slock speculators who gain by
this system at thu expense of the mines
themselves. As long us this continues ,
mining interests will sufl'or. llorr Ilcyor
thinks that the state ought to intervene
and protect the mines by putting ; a check
on the.se stock speculations , but he con
siders it vain to hope that the American
will ever uccopt an economic measure
which in any way limits his personal
liberty. _
"
A BEAR ON A "WALKING BEAM.
Una of the Passoii ei'9 Hrotijjht from
Alaska hy u ( iovormiionl Vt'KSOl.
1'orlluiid Orogoninn : Whim the govern
ment lighthouse louder Munv.aiiita re
turned Irom her Aluskan voyage , .she
brought one moro passenger than she
started with. The passenger was a little
black bear cub Sullie , which actually
hugged her way to thu hearts of all on
board. Being constantly with the men
and at thu sumo time being allowed at
will all over the vessel , she very quickly
bccamo tame and < routlo as a kitten , and
quite as playful. The ono place where
she was not allowed was Iho engine room ,
and tins not because tlio chief did netlike
like her , but because ho was afraid sue
might gut hurt. Thu other day Sallie was
missed at dinner limo , and uno of the
men volunteered to lind her , when , after
a long search , she was found perched on
the walking beam of the engine , which
was in motion. Thuru she clung , and at
every movement of the great beam slic
WMS raised to within six Inuhua of the
coiling.uiid her little fat body compressed
to a corresponding thinness , but aho
never made a whimper , too much tright-
cued to jump off , ami knowing if ! u >
made a noise she would bo whipped , so
there she clung , alternately gottiiig a
breath , and the next moment losing it in
a rather violent manner.
Tim moment siio was sufo in thn man's
arms ho hugged him tight , and began to
squeal and make a tremendous row , be
having in this manner like others of her
sox. Among the many tricks she plays is
one of stealing quietly up to the cabin
door , raising on her hind feet , giving the
door u sound whack with one of her
paws , and , grabbing the knob , almost
shake tlm door from its hinges- , the second
end she hcare a footstep away she goes
scampering aft.
A dlstrcssihg cough may bo nlloviriteil
and sore throat , hoarseness anil bronchul
affections promptly cured by a few.doses
ot l > r , J.-H. McLean's Tar Wiiio Lung
'Balm. 85 cents a bottle. .
PERSONAL TRAITS OF VASITY !
Some Peculiarities of Great Men and
Women.
SCOTCH PHRASE "UNCO GUDE"
Justified In All Ayes Special Conceits
MOII'H Ilntrctl of 1'rnisc of
Others Special Forms of
Seir-Consclotisness.
Alta California : Nothing is more inter
esting than the weakness of the strong.
Men gaze with nwo and admiration itt
persons who have reared themselves
above the sumnmgitig level ; but the
giwers are always pleased by the indica
tions of a common humanity. It is prob
ably true that great men are esteemed for
their faults quite as much as for their vir
tues. Alcibiudes attracts moro uirection
than Draco. Washington is revered as is
no other American , but other Americans
have been moro loved. Tno reason is
plain. It is instantly suggested in the ex
cuse given by the Athenian for his preju
dice against Arisltdcs. Ho was tired of
hearing him culled "The Just. " Others
were tired , too. and hciico the famous
ostracism.
'tho Scotch phrase about the "unco
guile" linds justification in all ages. In a
narrow acceptation it inculcates the wis
dom of pleasing mankind by conformity
with tlio average level. The majority
hate to hear of a man being much better
than his fellows. Ho who is his own
worst enemy , as the facile saymp puts it ,
has likewise usually plenty of friends.
But all tliih is aside trom our present pur
pose.
The special form of weakness with
which we are now dealing is selt'-eonceit ,
or , as Mr. Justin Morrill. the aullior.calls
it , self-consciousness. It is plain , of
cou'-se , that there are diverse forms of
wouknessand , as clear that self-conscious
ness is betrayed in numerous manifesta
tions. There is the weakness that wo call
amiable and the weakness that we find
odious. Men may be popular not only in
spite of , but as we have seen , because of
the first ; they are invariably mailo un
popular by the last. With tins fuel in
view , Mr. Morrill's queer book may at
lirst evoke in most readers a kind ot do-
spuir. They will naturally say that if the
greatest of the earth cannot avoid the
expression of self-love how is it to be witli
common mortals ?
The case is , however , not so desperate
as it seems ; for , apart from the discrimi
nation to bo justly noted as between the
menial and moral qualities , and the cir
cumstance , illustrated in evcry-duy life.
that a man may bo distinguished and
modest or obscure and arrogant , tlio
patent facts of history rise like monuments
ments to remind and reassure us. If there
have been Napoleons , there have been
Grants. But lot us pu together some of
the mos remarkable bits of egotism re
corded in Mr. Morrill's pages of some of
the most remarkable persons. To this
end we have t-elected the following aroup :
Sl'KrlAL COXIT.ITS OK Till : OKKAT.
Napoleon thcCrcal Onoof Napoleon's
marshals handed to the emperor a book
from an upper shelf with the remark , "I
a in higher than you. sire. " "Longer , not
higher,1' responded Napoleon.
"In my council,1' , he said another time ,
"there were men possessed of inneh more
eloquence thun 1 was- , but I always de
feated them by this simple argument-
two und two make four. "
"Alter iillwlmt have 1 done ? " he asked ,
on u third occasion , "Is it anything- com
pared with what Christ has dotioV"
"They cull mo lucky , " Metlernich reports
him to have suiJ. "because I tun able ; it is
the weak men who accuse the strong of
good fortune. "
When his sisters sought honors us duo
to their rclutionshipNupoloon curtly stud
to them , "One would think from your
pretentious , ludiest that we hud inherited
the crown from' , our father. "
Napoleon the Little Louis Napoleon
fancied himself.a great general , lie was
with grout dillieultv dissuaded from tak
ing the command of > the French army in
the Crimean war. At Plombiores he suiil
to Count Cuvour , "Do you know
there are but three men in all Kuropo ?
One is myself , the .second is you und the
third is one wlio e name [ Bismarck , no
doibtj 1 will not mention. "
Daniel U'ebstor.tho great expounder of
the American constitution , was , in general -
oral , too well poised to show vanity , what
ever ho might feel. He , however , wrote
early to his father , saying : "I feel a
prompting within me that tells mo there
is something better for mo than to be a
clerk of court. My mind in inudo up. "
On another occasion , being in court , ho
was reminded that he was assailing a
dictum of Lord Camdcn's. He turned to
the judge and owned it , but added : "But ,
may It please your honor , 1 tliiler from
Lord Camdeii. "
Thomu.s .lell'er.son calmly observed ( of
persons interested in tlio .study of legisla
tion and the like ) : "They will llnd that
the leading and most important laws of
that day were prepared by myself and
carried chiefly by my ullbits , supported ,
indeed , by able and faithful coadjutors ,
* * * very ell'eetive us seconds , but
who would not have taken thu field us
leaders.1'
Lord Byron , according to Leigh Hunt ,
the poet , angrily returned u box of pills
to an apothecary because the paekugo
was directed to Mr. Byron instead of
Lord Byron. Ho added : "I awoke one
mornini ! and found myself famous. " " 1
am like the tiger , " ho declared , "if 1 miss
the first sprinu , I go grumbling buck to
my jungle ; but if 1 do it it is crushing. "
On another occasion ho wrote to Moore ,
1H17. und after snying that ho did not
think literature his vocation , added : "But
you will see time 1 will do something or
other --tho time * nnd fortune permitting
that , like the cosmogony or creation of
the world , will pnz/Ui the philosophers
of ullages. " It is believed that ho thought
to achieve military success and become
king of Orooce.
This remarkable woman was reported
to have said ( when ijuite young ) , happily :
"I have now met all the intellects of this
country , and find none compared to my
own. " U should be aconsolution that an
English woman , Frances Anna Komblo ,
has said thinirs almost as vain.
Nathaniel Hawthorne This eminent
man had his slniro of pride , but it was
sometimes the pride that apes humility ,
as when ho suvs in the preface to "Twice
Told Tales : " "The author has n claim to
one distinction which , as none of his
literary brethren will care ubunt disputing
it with him , ho must not bo afraid to men
tion. llu was lor u good many years the
obscurest man of loiters in America. "
Dr. Samuel Johnson- The great , lexi
cographer said innumerable egotistical
things. One of them was about thu
"Uumbler. " "My other works , " he sain.
"tiro wine and water , but my 'Humbler
is pure wine. " The world , ns Mr. Merrill
rill observes , has thought dillerontly.
Once Johnson called out nt a club with
lofty exultation "Oh , 1 must tell you ,
gentlemen , a very great thine ! H > e
empress of Hnssia has ordered the. 'Hum
bler' to bo translated into the lu ! dlnn
language , so 1 shall bo read on the banks
of tiio Wolgfi. } lorueo boasts that his
fame would extend a far us the banks of
the idiotic ; now , the > Volga is further
from me than tw Hhono was from Hor-
OUvcr Goldsmith This admirable
writer is suit ! to have been Jealous of
beauty even in tli" other -SHX , \ \ hen the
people of Anisturdatu guthurcil round a
balcony to luck nt the.Missci llornceKn
ho grow impatient and said peevishly ,
-nrfoar , ° places whore I also am ad
mired. " Dr. Johnson , who , like most
monologists , hated to hear other people
converse , said of Goldsmith , it will be
remembered , that ho wrote like an angel
and talked like poor Poll. It is ono of the
oddest among our anecdotes of egotism
in liighplaccs.that n man so uncommonly
Jigly as Goldsmith , should have piqttctl
himself as described on his personal ap
pearance.
wiu.tAM riiAm.r.9 M.UII.M : : > V.
Actors are of course , although no moro
than singers , among tne vainest of men.
Mneready , actually wrote of his own
playing of "Macbeth , " that it was a
nobio piece of art ,
Edwin Forrestthe American tragedian ,
was moro wary of self-praise , llere.bow-
ever , is an anecdote not given by Mr. Merrill
rill , and which we have never seen in
print. Some sycophant said to him :
"Why , Forrest , you're not an actor
you're an institution. " Forrest liked at
tunes to repeat the pleasant saying.
Whatever else may bo the lesson con
veyed by these interesting extracts they
certainly enforce a valuable lesson of
modesty. The lesson is needed bv nine
out of ten of us. A little reflection will
bring home to the most sensible men and
women the truth that they habitually sin ,
some more , of course , somu Ics ? , in the
way of petty vanity. That reflection
will us certainly convince Midi persons
that they not only oll'ontl others , but in-
Iliet a grave injury upon themselves by
such an exhibition. For our self-love
ever wounds the solf-love of oilier. " , and
vanity is the dry-rot of the soul.
A suggest Ion or two to those who so
far recognix.o the mischief indicated ns to
bo willing to make an cll'orl to avoid it
hero is not out of pl.ioc. People are al
ways in greatest danger of committing
sins of vanity in their own families or
among others generally who are depend
ent upon them. This for reasons utmost
too palpable to repeat. The sinners know
their heurers must Mibmit to their ego
tism , and habit leads alwavs to increased
indulgence. Wo may add that a man
limy do well to distrust himself who fulls
into the way of prefacing his speech by
saying , "Vanity apart , I think so and
so. " or "Without meaning to be egotisti
cal , my opinion is , " etc.
Undeniably there Is peril that in avoid
ing Seylla wo stumble on Charybdis.
Shall a man who knows his own powers ,
is conscious of his strong grasp of a given
subjed. feels that he has gone throuirh
the mill of a hard experience , put his
candle under a bushel and hold his pence ?
Wo say no ; but oven a just self-assertion
may be modestly put und so gain the true
end of all human action , which is ,
through all the grinds and attritions
and qualification of circumstances , to do
moro goodHliun harm.
NIXIE.
Nobody would take liltln Nixie Murk-
ham for a herome.nor would onu suppose
that little quiet liguro possessed nerve
enough to save hundreds of lives by her
prompt action , but this was the way of it :
It was a hot summer afternoon , and the
most absolute quiet reigned over tlio little
railroad station of 1'urkcrstown , up in
northern New England , on these swelter
ing July days. Not even the customary
loafers were around , and only at trr.m
time was there any show of life.
The down-train was due tit 5:10 : , but
until then , as the sensational writers say ,
"all was quiet as the crave. ' '
Nixie was the station agent's daughter
and only child. Shu was fifteen , although
so small she looked three years younger ,
and was usually quiet as a mouse ' 'not
much zip toher , " as the country folks
said. In spitcof the current opinionjiow
ever , she had , except the small portion of
time which the little country town set
apart for the school season , spoilt nearly
all her time in tbo ticket olliee with her
lather , picking up letter by letter and
word by word , the sounds of the Morse
instrument ; and , finally , ono day she as
tonished her father by taking a telegram
by sound , giving him a neat "copy. "
From that day Nixie was installed us
telegraph operator , and the indulgent
father said "Nixie conid run that ollico
jest us well us he could himself" which ,
considering that Mr. Markham was con
sidered by the boys "u ping oporrtor , "
might be culled u doubtful compliment to
Nixie.
Well , this particular afternoon we are
talking about , tlio aforesaid "plug" saun
tered into the depot with tro'.iblo en
throned on his majestic brow.
"Nick , I'm summoned on a jury case
ii ) ) in Centre Village this afternoon. It's
too late to get anybody here , even s'pos
ing there was anybody to get. What arc
we going to do about it ? S'pose you can
'tenil thu concern alone until 1 get buck
probably by ti ? "
"I guess so , father , " replied Nixie.
"Then ! won't be much of anything to do.
Likely there won't be many passengers
for the down train this hot day , and I
hope 1 know enough to sell a ticket or
two if there are. "
"Well , see that those boxes go by ox-
pre.ss. The waybills are ready and in the
drawer guess you'll get along all right"
and oil' lie went , leaving Nixiu mistress
of the situation which phrase meant
more than you might imagine , that very
particular day.
At lir.st she felt her newly-acquired im
portance somewhat and stopped briskly
around , dusting tlio musty little ollico
and watering the few plants in the w'lii-
dow , but there being absolutely nothing
to do and no one coming near , she drop
ped into inactivity ami listened to the
click of the telegraph instrument , winch to
her was as companionable as the lull ; of
near friends would be. As the afternoon
passed drow.sily along the heat and still
ness overcame her , and dropping her
llaxen head on the desk before her , she
was soon as ono of the good ladles of
ParkorMown was wont to express It "in
tlm arms of Morphine "
Afterwards , the first thing she could remember -
member about it , a voice seeming to como
from her dreams said : ' "Taint likely
she Is loft alone , ami asleep , too. "
"No , " responded another evil voice ,
"the old man's probublj 'round some
where but " in lower "come
, a tone , on ,
lot's go 'long. The down train ' 11 bo
along and we'll just luy 'um out.1'
Nixie was wide awake enough now , but
she hud presence of mind in her small
body.aml rouli/.ed that safety lay in keep
ing still.
"How fur is it iipllioroV"
"Sh ! Keep mum. Do you want to
knock the hull thing in the head , and
yourself too ? " And then the girl's quickened -
ened hearing caught the sound of heavy
footsteps passing by the window and on
ui ) the track.
Nixie waited until she couldn't hear
the footsteps and then cautiously turned
and looked out of the window. There
they were two miserable-looking tramps
hastening up the truck. She rccognir.ud
them nt onceus two men who hud been
discharged from a construction train that
hud been at work down the road. \ \ hat
should she do ? ( J , if she could only send
for her father ! But there was no one
anvwheio near , and , besides , by the tuuu
ho could trot home it might bo too Jute
for it was evident the desperujo wretches
wore bent upon revenging themselves of
their fancied wrongs upon the innocent.
She looked at the clock. Half past four1
She ran out and looked around the lonely
station. She called once , feebly , but
what was thu use * If him .sent for her
father she had no tangible explanation to
give or real reason to make him hurry
homo only she was sure there was harm
comin" to the down train that long
crowded express filled with mountain
tourists. But she must do something ,
Thu men had disappeared around a
slight bund in the truck. Nixie ran in. ,
'locked'up the ollieo , mia.trhpd a hat from
u nail In tlw corner and then hurried up
the track until she arrived nt the slight
curve. Then she "made liasto more
slowlj" for there wore the men. Stop
ping behind n clump of bushes she
watched them. They had stopped and
were doing something , she could not at
lirst see what , to the track. Pretty POOH
up came a rail , and in a minute moro it
was thrown down n steep ledge within
lour feet of the track-where the whole
train must bo precipitated in less than an
hour if something could not bo done to
warn them. Nixie saw it all now , and
for a moment stood , her eyes diluted with
horror , while she saw the scoundrels
shako their fists toward her way anil
heard nn imprecation. Then they passed
on and Nixie , growing cold in the sudden
extremity , turned and sped toward the
depot.
The rail had been removed on n curve
which was shaded on the west side by n
high bank so that at half past live it was
quite dusk there , ami as the train always
came in on a down grudo they came at
full speed. So Nixie thought to herself ,
"I'm so glad I came , for now I'll hurry
and telegraph to Stratford before the
tram comes by , ami tlien we'll sec , Mr ,
Tramps , how your little scheme comes
out. "
She reached tlio ollico ami looked at
the clock. Five minutes to live ! ami the
tram left Stratford at 5:0t. : ; Well , eight
minutes was more than plenty of time it
she could "raise" Stratford. She grasped
the key"Sdsdsd , " clicked the instru
ment. Never before was there so impa
tient an operator on that lino. With her
eyes on tlio clock , which seemed then , if
ever , to say "forever never never
forever , " she kept up tha call. Somebody
on the other side "broko lior" twice , but
she guvc all the danger signals she could
think of and kept on. The. moments
kept on one , two , three , four , live--
slowly pealed the old clock each stroke
un agony to tbo girl.
Meunwhile thu agent at SU'utford could
not operate at silt , and the boy who served
as general chore-boy about the place , had
gone for the cows , and there was no onu
to answer thu call upon which KO much
depended.
A few minutes and it was too late , and
Nixie was in a new dilemma.
Nixie closed thu key in despair. She
did not know the train signals , but sci/ed
t hu red Hug under the old desk ami ran for
dear life literally the dear lifo of her
fellow-creatures. Not until she got to the
wrecked place did she remember that shu
must ire beyond the curve to stop them or
she would bt ! of no use. Already shu
heard the approaching train rumbln in
the distance. Faster , faster she sped
round the curve straight on tin the truck.
She could see them now coming in. On
they riLshcd , the great engine bent o n
destroying its precious freight. Nixiu
stopped in the midst of thu track and
frantically swung her red Hag , but still
< he monster rushed toward her , showing
no abatement of speed.
Meanwhile the engineer at'd firemen
had seen the slight form of the girl and
the fireman stood aghast to see the.
engineer so utterly regardless of her.
"Stop , man ! " he shouted ; "don't ' you
sec thogirlV"
"Yes , wild the half-drunk engineer.
"Why don't the little fool got out of my
way ? I'll touch her , " and made no
movement to stop.
Nixie waited with sinking heart O ,
why did everything go against her ? Was
it ttio will of Cod that this dreadful thing
must happen ? The engine was close upon
her and she ran upon a jutting rock still
waving her scarlet flair hut just as thu
engine was alongside of her she heard
the sharp click of the cull-bell in the en
gine und saw the liremun push the en
gineer aside and reverse the cngino. The
conductor , who had just seen her and ex
citedly pulled the bell-rope , jumped oil'
and came toward her. But thu reaction
was too much for poor Nixie , and she
could only gasp out : "Hound the curve , "
and then she was a white heap , with no
sense of anything.
Passengers rushed out. and , after some
hud been to the curve und seen what the
little girl hud saved them from , no lady
in the hind could be so loyally waited
upon as she was when she had been lifted
into the ear und told modestly her little
story. It was somu little time before the
track was ready for the train to proceed ,
and , when Nixie got out at her own sta
tion , many kind liamls pressed hers in
farewell , and the conductor left some-
tiling in her hand , too , just us the train
loft , saying : "You are the bravest little
woman in the state. "
Not until she had bcnu in the oflico a
good half hour with her father , who had
got home from his lawsuit and wondered
what made thu train lute and where Nixie
had gone to , and told him sill the story ,
did Nixie think to look sit thu packet.
Then she read u note : "Will Miss Eunieu
Murkhiim accept the accompanying
from the friends she so bravely saved
August 23 , 1SSO ? "
Tliu note was wrapped around $500 in
bank notes.
"O , papa ! now you can pay off tho-
mortgage on the house , " cried Nixiu , and
thu fattier said :
"I declare Nick , you get higher wages
us agent than 1 do ! "
The superintendent of thu Q. & L. rail-
reid : company came down to Parkers-
town that week , and soon there was a
vacancy in one of the best ollices of the
company in a neighboring city and Mr.
Markhum was tendered the bitnution.
Ho accepted , "so Nixie can have ( he
schooling she wants .so much , " he said ;
ami to-day Miss Knniee Markham is one
of the most promising pupils in thu high
school of that city , lint more than ever
is she the pride of her father's heart , whenever
never tires of telling of the afternoon
"his girl was station agent. "
But. after all , you wotiht never take her
for a heroine.
CUKES
Rheumatism , Neuralgia , Sciatica ,
Lumbago , Backacho. Headache , Toothache ,
Bore ' 1'tituul , hiTi'lllriu' . KpriiliK. HruUn ,
llurnt. ncal'l > rFr < l llllcJ ,
AM ) ll.LOTIIKII IIOIIILY I'ilAri i.M > ICUtS.
Sold l > r UrUKUI n < 1 I ) tUr T rrl > erf. J-iriyUiuUt
I ttil . Olrv ttjttilu Jl J n < u % f.
rUKCIIAltl.KSA.VOIII.'I.KIUO , ll.illlninrf.HI ,
Absolutely
Free from Opiates , Emetica and Poison ,
* 5 A F F
AT KUt'OUI T A8D UtilXEI.
[ HECHARLES'A.VOCEtERCO..BALTIMOnEMU.
'
Sttuntctl within 4 blocks of
the Lip'ou & Fowler packing
houses , nnd within 5) ) blocks o
the now B , & II. depot.
All the lots arc very lin ? . Prices
firom
On Easy Terms
Which will bo worth double Hint
amount within n year , making
su-vernl hundred per cent profit
on the cash invested.
Lumber Yard
A splendid location for a whole
sale lumber yard , as the 15.15.
company has 150 feet right o
way each side the track , nflbrd-
ing excellent facilities for load
ing or unloading.
Brick Yard ,
A fine opening for a brick yard
adjoins the addition.
Cotner&Arclier's
ADDITION.
\Ye \ also have a few choice lots
loft in Cotner & Archer's nddi-
tion.IIave sold very rapidly , and
are increasing in value every day.
People are buying these lots for
homes , consequently they will
prove a good investment to auy-
bodj- .
We also have
In all Parts of the City ,
OF
Improved and Unim
proved Rroperty.
Call and see us before purchas
ing elsewhere.
Place
Situated within 5 blocks of the
Walnut Hill depot , on the MiH-
t ary road. Honson's Btreefc rail
way will bo completed and run
ning within 0 months. Prices
from $1500 to 1500. Ono tenth
cash , bal easy terms. These lots
will bo worth $800 as soon as the
street cars are running which
are guaranteed to bo running
within G months.
AND
Room 9 Mick's ' Block ,
1509 Fan St ,