10 THE OMAHA DAILY BflE ; SUNDAY , DECEMBER 12 , 188X ( TWELVE PAG ES.
GUARDIANS OF OUR HOMES ,
Women Rapidly Gaining Their True Places
in the World as Individuals ,
BEWARE OF THE TALE-BEARER.
The ! 'n lilonn1 > to AVnlit nnil Its I vll
Conscniionccq The Old-Fash
ioned and tlio
Change Olrl.
A AVomnn'B Portrait.
J. It. IsnitH.
Jllr 1nc he Nod ; ( ! made her so
And deeds of veek- < lay liollneis
Kail Ironi her nolsoli'ss as the snow ,
Nor lind she p\er t'lianc"d to Know
That aught \\eie easlei tlmn to blciJ.
She Is most tnlr , and Ihoiptinto
Jler life doth rljrhtly haimniil/l- :
J'cpllni ! or tliouulit Hint Was lint trim
Ne'er mnrielcssboiutlul tnc blue
Unclouded heaven ot
Hhe Is a womnn ; ono In whom
Tlio sprlmr-timp of her childish ycara
Hath never lost Its I'resh pprfumc ,
Thoimh kuowluiCMcll that lire hath loom
For many blights nnd maiij teals.
AVfitncn Cliarnotor-Htililor ! .
Pleasant gossip , .says a writer in the
Cleveland Leader , can hurt no ono A
recital of tlio happenings about you , a
word of praise for another , is no harm ;
but set votir face as flint as soon as slan
der begins ; check it in your family , and
never allow your curiosity to carry you
away to so undignified an act as to ask
for any information of the private all'air.s
of other- ! .
If you are a gooil woman at heart and
feel this liptid tugging at you , set your
self fomo tusk that will enlighten your
mind , and try if It bo possible to realixo
the dreadful position you are assuming.
Improve your mind , and work as delib
erately to eject this evil spirit from you
as you would fight against the terrible
appetite forstrongdrink , or opium , or any
other bad habit.
A talo-bearer and slanderer in olden
times was a candidate for the ducking
stool. T think it is almost a pity that that
punishment was abolished.
"To thino own self be true : and it must
follow , as the night lite day. thou eaiiht
not then bo fatao to any man , or woman ,
which is of more impoitancc just liore.
Try to realize in what itndignilied atti
tude you arc posing when you attempt
this role. "Spirits arc not finely touched ,
but to line Issues , " and yon are flaunting
your vulgarity to the winds when you act
this part. You destioy all tlio influence
for good which you may have. If. you
arc .so unfortunate to know people who
indulge this talent , avoid thorn , and , if
that is impossible , try to turn their
thoughts in n different direction. Ko
very .sure a Dcrson can do you nothing
but harm when you cannot remember
one good thought or word after being in
their society. Cliooso for companions
those who are your superiors , those from
whom .you can learn bomethiiig. their in
fluence is inspiring and ennobling , and u
desire for such society will be your best
recommendation to it. Uuskin says : "If
you would bo tlio companion of nobles ,
make yourself uoblo. " Any ono who
wills may accomplish this. It is only
turning from tlio ditch where they root
for filth to the broad highway of truth ,
nnd honesty , and fair dealing , and lo' '
you arc iu tlio company of tlio nobles of
the world.
Women arc rapidly gaining their true
places in the world as individuals. We
would have them put aside all such trivial
amusements and acquit themselves as true
women should , laying aside every
hindrance , road.y to take their places with
out fear of insinuation or hair-pulling ,
beating each other with brooms and roll-
ing-pius , etc.
Wo arc of the opinion they will make
as fair a showing as an eijual number of
our brothers , from whom Mich inuoiidocs
comn. Such remarks arc usually made
by those men who do not wish woman to
bo an individual , but wish her to be ,
while they live , a servant or drudge , and
when they are gone a relic , and fhese are
usually men who can claim no superiority
over woman except mere brute force. So
much depends on women for house
keepers and charartor-buildors that the
entire abstinence from slander , in even
the mildest foi ms must bo unforced. Then
our brothers will not vilif. > us , because
they will have been unight they have no
occasion.
The Woman Who Never Slnmlcr ? .
San Francisco Report : llcic'.s to tlio
woman who never slanders , who never
retails ill-natured gossip , and who does
not feel it her dutv U straighten .out the
world around her" Thoiu ennos uro not
BO scarce as men would have us think.
JJut tennis-grounds , winter ball-rooms
and fashionable tea-tables are not their
stamping-ground , They have to bo
hunted ; they are not matrimonial Dianas
aiming at pocket rather than heart ; Ihcv
mind their own ull'airs strictly. That's '
why the inalo creature seldom hears of
them and seldom sees them They have
no time lo purr with the tommies and
tabbies of leisure.
The Maid Who Tmcei.
St , Paul Hlobo : If , as Koko says , mar
ried men never llirt , then it may betaken
taken as a proposition equally true that
married ladies nnvor laeo. Unfortu
nately Urn same excellent statement can
not be made regarding the maidens with
equal universality. ' 1 lie ago which so re
cently existed for taper waists and trim
llgurcs , and which for a time sensibility
gave way to a desire to attain a standard
nearer that of which tlio Venus of Milo
is the recognized typo , is again cropping
out. Why the fashion of disproportion
ately small wtdits should bo regarded as
fulfilling the demands of beauty and
Hhould moot with such readv acceptance
is , in view of the personal discomfort it
involves to its devotees , little short of in
conceivable. Not only docs the abnor
mally small waist which is the product of
tight lacing fall as far short of true
beauty us does a larpo waist , but , ob
tained as it is iu direct violation of phy
siological laws , it is in most-easos accom
panied by oyil results , which nmy prove
vital. Permanent injury is too great a
pnco to pay for tlio gratification of a
tnmporary ithlm of capacious fashion ,
and tlio young girls who ready fall vic
tims will soinu day discover the fact.
Hotter let mtturo have her own way in the
matter of the "human form divine , " and
lot tight lacing , with its attendant evils ,
nlouo , oven il fashion does require a
sixteenth-inch giithat the belt lino.
iKti Rlrl.
Cleveland I'hundeiiler- was in Chi
cago. which , by the way , beats all crea
tion in everything hut base ball. A girl
bhu was not more than twenty very
pretty and us innocent looking as n lamb
was caught begging and looked up for
obtaining money under ftvlso pretenses.
When taken to police headquarters and
searched the girl was found to ho arrayed
In the garments of a lightning chiingo
artist ot the vaudeville stago. Her dress
rovcalod a now phase of ciiminal clever
ness , and when she saw that she was dis
covered Miss Jnnoeeueo owned up and
operated her costume for the entertain
ment of her capton. She were a tight ,
ilark suit , and , what seenuul to bo , u dark
iult hut with ono ot those rolling wide
brims so often seen upon the streets , A
swift displacement of many hooks , eyes
and buttons and a ilufl movuuioiit of fing-
or.s nruund the hat changed the shape
and drapery of th diess , rovcaliug a dif-
forcntly > colored front , and upon her head
\raa a neat turban. Another manipula
tion of the dreis changed her into a sister
of charity , ami still another u fashionably
ilrussei ) girl. Hundreds of charitablu
people and nearly uvcry church of every
F
- * oj
de.nomlnation In Chicago had given up to
her. Only Chicago could have produced
Mich n girl. And I think that it will take
good care of her for many days.
OfCorict Is ,
1LC.
* turn i *
< *
* *
* - - - - *
-3- -S-
f
* 0 *
e f-
+ *
i * the
Mmpe of
a u moan's \\alit
onlilch n corset tlcht
Is luted. Tlioilbs defoi til
ed by uoliiB 8'iuee/vd ' | ) ri'-.3 .
on the lungs till tliej'ro
diseased. The heait
Is jammed and
can not pump.
The liver
Is a
tor
pid lump ,
the slotunoh
crushed cannot
d litest and in a tn < "i < <
me all eumpipsipd. There-
fine Ibis silly womnn grows lo
bo a leal fid moss olocs , but
thinks slio has a lovely aluvuo
tho' hideous a cilppled ni > o.
*
* V ° ? *
*
* *
* O *
* *
Is a u omaii's
iiatmal waist
which corset ue\er yet
displaced. Inside it is
a mliieol health. Outside
of clminiilt has awealth.
ItisathitiRofbc.iutytruo
and a. sweet joy loiotui
new it needs no ait-
lul padding vile
or oustlo blir
togUo It "style. "
It's Mi one ami solid
plump and bound ami
hind to get ouo aim around.
Alusll women otilykncu thy
mischief that the o cornets
do they'd let Dame Na-
tine lia\eherwavaml never
tiy hci ' 'Haste" ' to "stay. "
The Olil-Fashloucd Ciirl.
Toronto Week : Has it occurred to no
body in his struggles to keep abreast of
the lido ot new activity that sets in tie-
lion , as in every other department of
modern thought , to cast ono imploring
glance over his shoulder at the lovely
lorin of the heroine of old-time , drifting
far into oblivion ? It would be strange ,
indeed , if we did not regret her , this
daughter of the lively imagination of a
bygone day. Ky long familiarity how
dear her features growl Having hoard
of her blue eyes , with what zestftu antici
pation we foreknow the golden hair , the
rosebud mouth , the faintly flushed ethe
real check anil the pink sea-shell that
was privileged to do auricular duty in
catching tlio never-ceasing murmur of
adoration that beat about the feet of the
blonde maiden. \ \ otting of her ebon
locks , with what subtle prescience we
guessed the dark nnd flashing optics , tlio
alabaster forehead , the lips curved in line
scorn , the regal height and the very un
approachable demeanor of the brunette.
The fact that these startling differences
were purely physical , that tlio line of
physical construction'ran sweetly paral
lel , never interfered with our joyous in
terest in them as wo breathlessly fol
lowed their varying fortunes from an
auspicious beginning through harrowing
vicissitudes to a blissful close. So that
her ringlets wcro loii enough and her
woes deep enough ana her conduct un
der them marked by a beautiful resigna
tion and tlie more becoming forms of
grief it never occurred to us to cavil at
the object of Algernon's passion because
her capabilities were strictly limited to
making love and oriental landscapes in
Kerlin wool. Her vcrv fcmiumu attri
butes wore invariably forthcoming ; and
if the author by any chance forgot to
panicularuo the sweetness of her
disposition , the neatness of her
boudoir they all have boudoirs
or the twinmiug nature of her affec
tions wo unconsciously supplied the de
ficiency and thought no less respectfully
of Aramintu. Slio was very wooden.
this person for whom gallant youths at
tained remarkable heights of self-sacri-
lice , and villains intrigued iu vain ; her
Virtues and her faults alike might form
part of the intricate and expensive in
terior of a Paris doll ; and we loved her
perhaps with the unmeaning love of
infancy for toys. She was the painted
pivot of the merry-go-round it could not
possibly revolve , witli its exciting
episodes , without her ; yet her humble
pro > euce bore no striking relation to the
mimic pageant that went on about her.
bho vanished with the last page , eeased
utterly with the sound of her wedding-
bells ; and we remembered for a littTo
space not the maiden but the duels in her
honor , llic designs upon her fortune , and
the poetic justice that overlook her
calumniatois. _
A Woninii'H tear.
llariiei's Itattir.
We wandered In Mav , when the blossoms
Iu uervenhyr wcio blowing ,
When down liom the branches the blossoms
Llko dullcdto siiosvll uu- > went snowing.
Our hearts were as young as tlio blossoms
Taat blow all about us so lightly ,
Our tlioii'-hts weie as sweet as tlio blossoms
That drifted oiu pathway so nhltoly.
Hut May-Hmo has JlcdIth its blossoms
The blossoms 1 so fondly lemombur ;
But deai or the pale oraugu blossoms
That blossom for mo In December.
Kiliiontcd GlrlH Who Io Not Marry.
Iloston Herald : A prominent woman
physician of Koston has freely expressed
her conviction thai the great superiority
in culture of so many of the 3'oimg girls
to-day over that of the average men who
go early into business cscrts ono very bud
olluct , namely , that these young girls do
not want to marry such num. U here is ,
no doubt , a great deal of truth in the
statement. Iu fact , in other departments
il has always been noticed that ono of the
standing ill ellects of the culture , say of
llowors , has been to make its votary pre
fer a tea rose to a head of cabbage ; or of
music , to a harmonious orchestra to a dis
cordant street baud ; orof religion , to pre
fer piety to profanity. Now , there is no
reason why the rule should not work
equally In the ease of marriage. The
maxim thai "any husband is butter than
no husband" had ouco a great deal of
truth In it , for the condition of the un
married woman was in bygone days
a forlorn ouo. She could no moru
help growing sour than milk m
a thunder-storm Any and every woman
with the most instenilicant sprig
of a husband could turn up her nose at
her ana embody a weight of public opin
ion iu tier contemptuous attitude thai
few single unfortunates could have the
dignity and self-respect to stand up
against. To-day , however , the scales tip
the other way with a vcngcuuco. How
on earth could Lucy or 1-anny or Alice
consent to marry such n man ? is heard
from many a curling lip among a bevy of
young girls. Only think of the free and
happy limes slio had at the art school , in
thu conservatory of musio , in the reading
club or out sketching bv llio lake or
among llio mountains. Why , Iho fellow
does not know Uiiiithovcn from a street
organ grinder , would yawn with weari
ness in the richest picture gallery in the
world , and see nothing in the most glori
ous forest but so many thousand feet of
lumber. I'd rather bo Titania and fondle
dle and kiss an ass' ear.
Now , it is not to bo disguised that this
i ? getting to be a very nrovalent way of
nrgnln yand lhat there is real danger of a
growing conspiracy on the part of superior
women to leave the matter of marriage
largely in the hands of their more com
monplace nnd prosaic sisters , \\hllo they
hold themselves free fora widerand more
attractive career. Just as in the middle
ages , well nigh nil the higher intellectual
and spiritual interests of s'ocicty devolved
in llio hands of celebrated priests and
monks , so il would look as though lliolr
legitimate successors in Massachusetts
and other states of the union wcro lo bo
Ihis order of llio Vestal Virgins. One en
counters them everywhere. In a hundred
.scattered villages they arc the lifo and
soul of all that is active iu the churches ,
while the deacons nro mcro worm-eaten
apologies for pill.irs , If a leetuie or con
cert is to be started , apply to the Vestal
Virgins. They alone keep the sacred
Hi os burning. The charities , the lltornry
culture of Iho place , what the piano
knows about poetry , art , education , the
beautifying of the home , all this is due
to them. Iti fact , busy as Ihey are , they
nro almost the only people of leisure
in the community , the only class
free lo devolc Ihcmsclvcs to liberal pur
suits. Is it any wonder , then , that they
do not seem lo sigh , especially nfter com
monplace husband ? , glad as they might
bo to mate themselves w.th such as could
share wilh them a sympathetic life of in-
loresl in Iho higher lluugsv Head , for
example , the tributes tlio press has lately
been paying to Miss Lueretia Cracker , of
lioston. \ \ hat a boon to any community
to have a womnn of such a stamp , with
her whole time at her own disposal , and
free to devote herself to the highest pub
lic interests of education anil morality.
She became thus the spiritual mother of
thousands of children , doing for them
often more wisely and tenderly than their
natural mothers ever could. Indeed ,
seeing how strong uro to-day the ten
dencies toward n mcio materialization of
lifethrough press of business cares on the
husbands minds , and press of household
duties on the wives of llio land , who
knows bul the intellectual and spiritual
salvation of Massachusetts , and the sav
ing of the state from lapsing into practi
cal barbarism are to come largely from
its .so-called surplus population of 75,000
unmarried women , precisely as Europe
was sayod In Iho middle ngos , and art ,
literature and religion rescued from de
struction by its unmarried priests and
monks. Still enough of these liner
women ought lo bo willing lo go Into
married lite to keep tip the diuuily of llio
profession. Kvon while freely admitting
that the average standard of men avail
able for husbands is deplorably low , it
will not do to abandon them altogether.
This was exactly the danger the church
fell into iu olden times. So strong was
the attraction of the monastic and priest
ly life for all men of intelligence , good
ness and piety , that society at largo was
n. howling wilderness. It is devoutly to
be bolted that the vestal vinrins of to-'day
will not run inlo the same deplorable ex-
Ironic , however great the personal srcri-
lice involved.
How to Mnnacc Men.
St. Paul ( ilobo : A young lady of wide
and varied experience declares that it is
porfcctlycasy to manage men , and , pro
ceeding to elucidate , she says that there
are but few methods of treatment : "You
must either let a fellow plainly see that
you feel yourself infinitely ub'ovo him ,
that you are superlatively indifferent concerning -
corning him , and don't care a rap
whether or not yon ever put your two
eyes on him , snub him. slight him and
sit down upon him at every opportunity ,
or else you must make him believe that
you regard him as the sweetest , dearest
nnd most charming creature on earth ,
and thai he is the wisest and vou arc the
silliest thing in all creation ; in short , you
must either act as a tonic or a sugarplum - ,
plum , and if one plan fails the other is
bound to succeed. " I remarked to this
wise female that there was a remote
possibility of selectinKtho wrong method ,
and trying to work off the sugar-plum on
the man who required the Ionic , but she
promptly replied that in such a case it
was easy enough to reverse one's mode
of procedure , and 1 had nothing more to
say.
What a Woman Allrc Should Do.
] > t.John Marshall. A girl or woman
who moots with this accident ( of setting
lire to her clothes ) should immediately
lie down on the floor , and so any one
who goes lo her assistance .should in-
stanlly. if she be slill orcct. make her lie
dow'ti , or , if needful , throw her down in a
horizontal position and keep her in it.
Sparks lly upward and flames ascend.
Ignition Ironi below mounts with fearful
rapidity , and , as a result well known to
experts , the fatality of disfigurement in
these lamentable cases is duo to the
burns inflicted about the body , neck ,
face and head , and not to injuries of the
lower limbs. Now , the very moment
that the person whose clothes uro on
fiie is in a horizontal position on a flat
surface the flames will still ascend , but
only tlio air ami not the flames encircle
their victim. Time is thus'gained for
further action , and in such a crisis in a
fight against a lire u few seconds are
precious , nay priceless. Oucoiu the prone
position the person atllictod may crawl tea
a bell pull or to a door , so as to clutch at
one or open llio other to obtain help.
The draught from an open door into the
room would servo lo blow the Humes , if
any , from the body ; or again , still crawl
ing , the suH'ercr may bo able lo ( secure a
rug or table cover , or other article at
hand , to smother any remaining Humes.
THE TOWER OF PARIS.
What Is Destined to Uo the Highest
Structure in the World.
If ono crosses the Seine by the bridcro
named in honor of the victory at .Icim
one finds himself in tlio Champs do Mars.
Cur ing walks , chestnut and pine trees ,
fountains and stones made it as much
like tin ; older and moro famous Parisian
parks as possible. The Chumps do Mars ,
however , will bo wonderfully famous
some day when the big tower is built.
Kahol of old built a big tower , and Kubcl
of to-day follows the example.
M.Kilrel islho arohitcct.and the French
government has granted a subvention of
200,000. Tlio huge iron nile , which will
dominate all Paris from its porch in the
Champs do Mars , will bo nearly twice us
high us the highest existing structure.
Lord Nelson's monument is 103 foot iu
hulglil ; Si. Paul's is' ! ( ! ( ) ; iho groal pyra
mid , -IW ) ; St. Peter's , 507 ; The Cologne
Cathedral , N2 ; Iho Washington monument
ment , 635 ; and when one jumps of ] the
top ot the great Paris tower hu will have
just 1,000 fcot to fall ,
HH | Mttlo Girl.
St. Louis Republican : As is known ,
the daujjlitorof McVickcr , ll.o older , mar
ried Kdwin Booth , but il is not generally
known that when their marital relations
bccamo strcincd lhat MeVicker sided
with IIIK ( laujliter. ! and thai Horace Mo-
Vlckcr ( her brolhor ) look up Booth's
cause. This led lo an estrangement ho-
twccn MoVickor anil his son thut abso-
lulcly separated them Time passed on
without tlio breach Doing healed or over
tures being made. Ono day , long after
the tirst trouble , McVickor pore , journov-
ing on thu cars , by chance made the ac
quaintance of a little girl a mere child
whoso beauty and winning ways fas
cinated him.
Just before ho left the cars ho asked her
her namo.und she answered' 'MoVickor , "
Scarce believing his curs , the old man
wont to thu child's nurse and inquired
again as to her name. "Sho is Urn child
of Horace McVicker1 was the reply.
Without n word the father wrote on ft
cardi "Horace , come to mo at once , "
signed his name to it and sent it by the
nur&u to his son. The chihl had softened
his heart and brought together once for
all time the father and sou.
AMONG THE WITS AND WAGS ,
A Varied Assortments of Smiles in Winter
Garments.
THE LENGTH , OF A DOLLAR.
i
Public ! Conor's n I'tilillo Thrust -\ti
Illustration orCo1o < "sil IjyliiR
1'olntcd 1'ni-HKrnnlis.
:
Cabin Tjnconlci.
llooster mighty ptoHd Von do lien ntn a
lay in' ; i i
Mtilo back Ha cais'cu do donkey am a
bravln' ;
Cows step iW ( w'cn dcv conic Jo dotiillkln' ;
oiiilil wltet liliu tcul w'on do cohli am a
.sllklu' :
Ducks quick dc loiulcs * w'cu dey marcii to do
wnhtcr ,
An' > < > ' dun lee yo' friend \\'cn jo" Icn him
n ( { imhtcr.
Vines line do tlghtcs'w'en dc wall am a
cruniblin' ' ;
Nlgirah's foot dc Hqhtes'we'll : lc storm p.
nnnblln' :
AVahtornilllon's lines' \v'cn do ilu'Koesa
siianpln' ;
Mus mlirlity plenty \v'eu itc lca > os am a
drai'iiln' ;
UCPS hl\o do bos' w'cn yo' kick in ) a racket ,
An'yo kyut jcdgca ninn b > do she ob his
jacket.
] { abblt mighty tired Veil dc snow am n
fallln' ;
Nlgnah novcr dc'f w'cn dlmiah horn am
ciillln' ;
Crow licrrv ficn'ly w'cn de colin am a
plaulln' ; '
Traces otlen loose w'pn deho s am a pantln' ;
buddy layln' hens nm do Ins'toco to ' ettlu' ;
An' do dcbbll hoi's , do stakes w'cn a nlirnah
Kite to bettin' .
A Clear Ilrcncli of Trust.
Detroit Free Press : Ho climbed two
pairs of stairs at 11 o'clock iostcrday
forenoon and entered an ofllee to llml a
yoniiLT woman : il the desk.
. " \ \ hat is it sir ! : " she asked , as lie hes
itated.
"This is air. Doc's ofllce , of course ? "
ho queried , as he looked around.
"Certainly. "
"Ami ho is not licrcV"
"No , sir. "
"In other words , ho has made a now
deal and you arc to bo in charge ? ' '
"Yes , sir. "
"Humphi So that's the kind of a man
ho isl"
"Anything wrong , sir ? " she asked.
"Kathorl I've been in the habit of
dropping up here about every forenoon
in the year at this hour to borrow u chow
of tobaeco , and this nrrnngcnuml lias
been made without consulting me in the
slightest ! Humph ! If that's , the kind of
n man he is I'm plad to have found him
out , even at this late day ! "
A. Public Trust.
Chicago Tribune : "Tills coifee is for the
use of llm public ! " said
, presume , n rusty-
looking man with n benevolent smile , us
ho stiried a cup of cliiokory at n railway
lunch counter the other evening.
"Certainly , sir ; 1 don't drink H all my
self , " snarled the proprietor.
The rusty-looking , inau drank the
beverage leisurely and turned to walk
away.
"Ion cents , sir , " said the proprietor
sharply.
"My dear sir , publjc collce's a trust , "
rejoined the man a * he disappeared from
sight with a celerity acquired by long
practice.
Able
San Francisco Chronicle : As an illus
tration of the "colossal liars" of the west ,
( lunoral McCook relates the following :
He was traveling amonir the Kooky
mountains , and straying out one morn
ing from the trail , stood for a moment
entranced by the magnificent landscape
spread betoro him , when ho was aroused
from his meditations by the footsteps of
'
one of the guides , who 'had followed him
lest he .should lose his way.
"Js not this magnificent , Bill' " ex
claimed the general , anxious to share his
delight.
"ls might ptirly. ginonil , " said the
guide , "but ! ean show yon bigjror sights
nor this. Why , one time Kansas Jim
and me had been tniuipin1 three days
and nights , and wo came to a plain , and
in thcKnid fat of it was a forest all turned
to sold stun. "
The gcuiiral smiled , and remarked : "I
have heard of petrified trees before ,
Mill. "
The guide expoclonited without chang-
ingcountonance , and continued : "lint
that warn't all , gineral ; tliar war a buf
falo on that plain ami ho was petrified on
tlio clean jump , and his htifs had kicked
up a bit ot sod , and I am blamed if that
warn't petrified in the air ! "
The general turned an amused coun
tenance on the nairator and said : "Why ,
Kill , the sod would have fallen the ground
by the force of gravity. "
Without any neiitation , Hill answered :
"Well , bv - , gineral , the gravity were
petriliedtoo ! " _
11 "Wont Farther Then.
Lord Coleridge was the guest of Mr.
Kvarl" in a hoimo which formerly be
longed to George Washington. At the
cud of the grounds the Potomac river
broadly rolls. Talking about the piowoss
of George Washington in other ways ,
Lord Coleridge said : " 1 have hoard ho
was a very strong man physically , and
that , stanaing on the lawn hero , he could
throw a dollar right across the river onto
the other bank. "
Mr. Kvarls paused a moment and
measured tlio breadth of the river with
his eye ; It seemed rather a "tall" story ,
but it was not for him to belittlu the
father ot the country in the eyes of a for
eigner.
"Don't you believe it ? " asked Lord
Colorldgo.
"Yes , " Mr. Kvarts replied , "I think it's
vnry likely to bo true. Yon know a dollar
lar would'go farther in those days than
it docs now.1'
Tlio IMous 7Iiii niul tlio Scientific )
Cunc.
Science was Iho cane , and million the man
who walked with it.r-.Mr. 11.V. . Ueechcr.
Tlio pious man Is walking out
AUown somu counti'j lane ,
And as lie wnlkH IIGS\\HKS | abuut
Ills scientific cfiuc.
lie poke * It into flowers and roots ,
And curious worms up prizes.
The wiillu upon IIH labor'b fiults
Jlo blandly moi ajl/oa.
The pious man Is walking through
Tlio shimmy city alleYs ,
And weeps with syinpiclliy unto
I'oor Hawed Kills nud Sullies ;
Hut wlit'ii they mock tlio KOOI ! mini's rain ,
And hoot him with dclhincti.
Jlo Klves them with hl.s learned cnuo
A JIttlu touch qf science ,
"Tills branch , " savs he , rellKloiisIy ,
"Fiom the true tioo ; of Knowledge
Will teach you chlldien not to bu
Pert to n man from iiollege.
1 caught the crumbs of scleiico dropped
In xoiith from learning's table ,
Children ; row wlso by being u hooped ,
And cauo can maku them able.
The UCJSH Liar.
Texas Sittings The train had started
pfl' , A young man niahcd breathlessly
into tlio depot.
"Got left did you ? " said the ticket
seller.
"Of course I got left , " ho replied ,
Then borne one said ho could go across
the bridge and catch the train , and an
other told him when the next train would
no , and various siurgcotiousvero made.
The chap looked ut the disappearing
train a few seconds , when soiuo one-
asked :
"Where wcro you going ? "
Then tin ? wicked felow } Said , "Oh , I
AHLQUIST BROS , ,
-URAMiUfllN
and Heavy Warfare
Stoves and Ranges , Mechanic's Toots and
Job Work a Specialty. 11 19 Sounders St.
mm
it C'oiwrtStlitintl
SQOIBBS PREPARATIONS A SPECIALTY.
MRS. DR , NANNIE V , WARREN
Medical and Business Medium
lloom H , I'Jl > , 10th st. , Oiunhn , Xob.
B. F , FULLER ,
IlK.M.LIl IV
Harness , Saddles , Whips , Robes
KT < \ , KTV.
tf'tlH Cunihifl Street.
Lammerlch & Grimm ,
Keep everything iu their line. Good meats
and fair pi ices. Cor. Lake and Sauu *
dcis sticcts.
wasn't going in the tram. My wife's
mother is on th.it train and I wanted to
kiss her before slio left. "
"Liar ! " roared twenty-four married
men iu chorus.
Her lilcn of Cleverness.
She Say , Charlov , what is a "sour
mash ? "
He WliyCIara , that is when your best
girl goes back on yon.
She-Ami what is a "Hub punch ? "
He One of Sullivan's , or perhaps a
collision between two wagon wheels.
She Olil Charley , you arc so dread
fully clever. Now let's try prohibition.
What's n "dnyen well ? "
He Klo.ssed if I know , Clara.
She- Well , that team 1 rode behind
yesterday was driven well. Ta , la ,
Charley. You're not half so clever as
yon look.
Ijltcrnry riefliiltions.
The Scarlet Letter One that is read.
Hard Times The Present.
Ilordcr Komtniscences--Hash and in
tellectual butter.
Taken at the Flood Noah's ark.
One Night's Mystery How to get in
without disturbing the old lady.
Yeast A good razor.
Settlers in Canada The cashiers-tin-
settlers of the United States.
What Will the World Say ? Ratsl
A Knight of the XlXth Century Elec
tion night.
The Marritfd Kell The one with the
finest ring.
Three Koautics A uair and a half of
aces.
aces.The Curse of Gold Its scarcity.
Prince of Darkness Footprints of
CJeorge Washington Jouson Jr.
Kept In the Dark The bottle.
Out of the World St. Louis.
From Night to Light Wo won't go
homo till morning.
What Can She Do ? Talk back.
IjlucH In an Album.
[ A farmer's daughter during the rage
lor albums handed to the poet , Willis
Guylord , an old account book ruled for
pounds , bliillnigs and pence , and re
quested a contribution , lie happily uti-
lized'tho figures as follows :
AVhni the Matter AVas.
Kentucky State : "I sec you didn't get
the appointment you were alter , Mr.
Smith V"
"No , I didn't. "
"Do vou know the lesonS"
"Well , I reckon his private secretary ,
Dan hamont , got mad because I added
to his address. 'Privy Secretary. '
She II nil a Follow Fcclln' for the
Old Fellow.
Jackson ( Temi. ) Deer Blade : A newly
married couple arrived at one of our
hotels a few nays ago and were assigned
a room in which there were two beds.
While the groom was out taking in the
town a ludy boarder entered the room ,
when the 'bride , mistaking her for the
landlady , remarked : "L see you have
two beds in here ; do you expect to put
any other person in the room ? " The lady
grasped the situation and replied : "Yes ,
wo are crowded and will have to give
you company to-night. " After amomunt's
reflection tlio bmlo answered : " 1 do
not care so much for myself I've been
married before bul I hate to have com
pany on my husband's account. "
1'rOnroHHlve CoiirtBhlp.
She AVlmt is progressive euchre ,
John ?
He I'm ' sum I don't know. The thing
I'm most interested in just now is pro
gressive courtship.
She Oh ! what is that ?
Ho Well , for a litllo while after ho be
gins lo pay Ills addresses lo her ho sim
ply shakes hands with her when they are
parting at night , as I have been doing
for the past two months. Then ho be
comes a littles bolder , and some night as
ho is leaving her. ho puts his arm around
her waist like this , and kisses her as I do
now. There I
She ( blushing ) And next tlilnj ; , T sup
pose , ho proposes.
as She IH Spoke. "
WtwhiiKjtiin Ciltlc.
"Oh ! tailor , press my suit to-day , "
ThoynunK man cued in sunow ;
"Dceauso my nil I expects that 1
Will pi ess my suit to-morrow. "
"These clothes I wear are thin and old ,
And scarcely worth u boater ,
And such a suitor us I am
I'm biuo would never suit her. "
"Of course , " the tailor said \ \ Itli glee ,
To see the vomit ; man's soirow :
, " \Iy lawjerlms your last > ear's hills ,
JJe'll picsi the suit to-morion. "
Ouo rironilway JHun Who Wan Not
Morlli n million.
Atlanta Constitution : Smith Clayton
has just returned from Now York. IIo
was walking on Uroadway with a Now
York friend , who was pointing out to him
the business places of ( hu many million
aire. merchant princes of thai streel.
Smith looked and listened ntlcntivuly.
and finally paused on the street , and said
to his companion :
"Well , say is there anybody on this
street thalam't worth a million dollars ? "
"Oh , yes , " tlio other replied. "You
see lhat man across thu struct selling pea
nuts * ' "
"Yes , " interrujitcd Smith with an ex
pression of relief ,
"Well , " continued his informant , "I
don't think the poor fellow is worth more
than a hundred thousand dollars. "
Another MiHttxko.
Wall Street News : "I llipttght 1 snvr
yolir brother Abraham around here ye-
MENDELSSOHN & FISHER
ARCHITECTS
D. L. S1UXK , Sitiicrliilcnttcnt ,
G. BARTH.
Meat Market
All kinds nrmor.tH. both Salt tiiul Fresh
constantly on hniul.
to 10 fi.trXDKliN .ST.
NEW YORK BAKERY !
Fresh Bread , Pies & Cakes ,
Doll voted to nuytiait oftliecity iPlli antUMni-
_ Injr street * .
*
J. P. MAILENDEH & CO. ,
Healers In
Boots , Shoes , Hats , Caps ,
Notions nml flout * nuiiNiltiKnooit ? . ( or. 13th
uud l.cnvenwnrtliMs.Oinalin , Nul > ,
Keep a complete line of Dings Chemicals ,
Patent Medicines nnd Smultics Ne\\
Stock and New Men. 721 N 115th st.
HOW TO ACQUIRE WEALTH.
JVKvf Drawing , T/i/.s / / Month , on X"orcinbcr''iHh. JtifI'l'tuw. . Xo lllttnkx
With $2 You Can Secuic
One City of Baiietta 100 Francs Gold Bond
These bonds are diawu 4 times annually , with prices of 2,000,000 , , 100,000,000 ,
500,000 , 200,000 , 100,000 , 50,000 , etc. , down to the lowest pure of 100 Frnncs Gold.
Anyone sending us $2 will Bccuie one of these Bonds ami is then UNTITL12D to
thcuhole prire that it may dtnw in next drawing , balance payable on easy install
ments. This is thu best investment ever offcicd , Besides theccitainty receiving back
100 Francs Gold , you have the chance to win four time * a year. Lists of drawings
\\illbescntfrccofcbargc. Money can be sent by icci&tercd letter or postal note.
Kor further information , call on or midtcss HURI-IN HANKING CO. ,
300 IJtoadw.Tj , New York.
N. H. These Bonds me not lottery ticket ! ! , and aic by law permitted to be sold in
the United States.
's '
EXPOSITION' WILDING , OMAHA , NKItUASKA.
Tlio Imisi'ft.lx'St.nnil clienpost slioit linnil Bi'lioolln llio west Students jirrt
icil lortrooil niiylnirMtiintiniii In from lour to imcmtlis. . \ \ clicup'in InuiJ
H full supply ol { jlintl-lmmlTctt llook.4 mill Short lituul \ \ lilci'.s
nistnitiloiis by nmll.
SEND FOB , CIBCU&AE.S.
Tiie OMAHA STOVE REPAIR WORKS
DIULEUS KXCU'SIVKLV IN
Our stock includes repairs for nil stoves ever sold iu Omuliii ; uid the west.
Kememher , it is your stoye we keep repair for ,
C. 51. KATOX , Jlanngor ,
Gl.'i South l.'illi St. . Her. Jones mill .lucksoii.
lerday , " ho observed to old Mo = cs at the
door of his clothing store to other day.
"Vos ; Abraham wasn't in peesnees in
Toledo any moro. "
"Hum out ? "
"No. A lire takes phtcc next door and
Abraham thrown natur nil oater his
shtock mid j > : tvs it vlins py dor firemen. "
"And how did l\ioy \ prove it Wiisn't1"
"Because it vims a chemical engine at
dcr lire. Abraham vhas a dundcr-licad
who vhill die in poverty. "
What Worried the Statesman ,
Boston Hecoul : Rising Statesman to
Reporter I'm very glad to see you. but
of course you "will not mention that Ihis
is my birthday , and lhat many of un
friends have culled ? "
Reporter What else would you like to
have suppressed in the same way ?
"I'm atraid that something wil' ' bn said
about the fact that I am sending my
family to Europe for the winter. "
"Dose anything else worry you ? "
"Nothing but this : Isn't there danger
that what you put in the daily will also
appear in the weekly edition'Then , too ,
1 am anxious lest it may be necessary to
give a week's notice tor u thousand extra
copies or so , and that my friends may be
disappointed about getting their pa-
pcra. "
The \Vny She Settled It.
"So you have broken oft" with Mr.
Smith."H.ud Maud. "Well , 1 never could
iiinko him out. "
" 1 found him a good deal of : v
conundrum myself , " replied Chiru , "bo
1 gave him up. "
A. Diinucrou Spot.
Husband I hear lhat young Sampson
who wont \\eit last summer has been
shot ,
Wife Was ho.shot in a bad pliico ?
Husband ie.sho was shot in Chicago *
AVorlli Cliinhlnu Up to Hoc.
"Why , 1 am told , my dear irlends , "
said a temperance orator iu a low , earn
est tone , "that 10,000 liquor saloons are
in sight of Trinity church stcuplo. Now ,
what do you think of IhatJ" A voice
from near the entrance replied : "It's
wiilh climbin' ( hie ) up thu Mains to bee. "
AN OLD GEORGIA TRAGEDY.
A Fugitive I-'rom Justice SucIcH n
Pardon ,
An envelope whiah reached Iho ofllco of
Iho governor of ( jeurgiu last weok. post
marked Kansas City , Mo. , recalled two
of the most appalling tragedies over re
corded , in ono of which a wife's honor
was ruined , her betiayor slain , and her
husband made a convict , while in Iho
other a frail crealuro lost her life at the
hands of a confirmed old rone.
In 1871writes an Atlanta conesiiondonl
of Iho Nuw York World , Ihero lived inoue
ouo of the prctlic.st little cottages on
Hunter street , in this city , the family ot
Colonel SpinkH , The dauirhtur of llm
household , Miss Cora , was just blooming
inlo the graces of womanhood. Wnun
young Sam Hill , llm eon of an tixciillent
family and the possessor ot abundant
means , secured her hand in marriage , hu
was thu recipientof congratulations Ironi
every hand
Into a eottngo nenr that of her patents ,
Sam Hill inducted his charming wiut.
Their devotion towards cuch other in
Ihcso early days of love i a tale still told
in the neighborhood. In time the citrus
of business led the hic-hund into ether
cities. Ho noticed u giadual ncnmsing
despondency in his wifo. It was along
lime bofout the truth broke in upon him ,
and when it did it was on the filroots ,
where hu heard Jus wife's namu ireoly
bandied. Cra/.cd with grief ho niihcd
homo and repulsing his wifo's uceusfomi d
caress , flung her roughly from him , while
ho poured lorth the revelation which hud
been mudi ) to him. On her bonded knees
she confuted all. Sao had ben ( betrayed
by John 1 * . Simmons ul thu house of Lot-
tic Ross.
Siloiitly ho raised hU weeping wife
from her knees , and kissing her lefl llio
Uouso without u word. IJown lluntur
blrcel hu walked , a little in advance , thu
figure of.John 1' . himmous. He tracklod
hi bteps through U'o crowd into the Na
tional hotel and into the barroom. .Sim
mons stood in thu act of
JOHtf HUSSIE ,
Dealer In
HARDWARE & STOVES
Acorn Base Heaters *
A specialty. 8407 Ginning St.
-I. aV. JlcC.t ltlKItt
410 N , 16th St ,
Hardware , Mechanics' Tools
Stoves and Tinware. Scll < the ctlcbrntcd
"West 1'oinl" Ha < e Hurucr
" "
"JOHN P. THOMAS ,
lK.\Mlt ) : IN--
Staple and Fancy Groceries
n.ot'n ANM ) rr.r.u.
Country 1'ioducc n Specialty. Snundcrs * -
and Lake St . , Omaha , Neb. * * *
CHENEY &T OLESONi
DRUGGISTS ,
Surgical Instruments
And lloiuivpathie KeniL'tl
1H07 Kumum Street.
OlhVc , till 1-2 ITarimin.
itctitdvncc. COtli ami C'ltH'ornin. '
+ \ \
taking a drink , when a hullo t
from Hill's revolver went crabbing
through his brain. The trial which fol-
loweuwas lot.g and tedious. The pub
lic was shocked when Mrs. Hill entered
the court room and fondled and catcsscd
the husband who was the victim of her
folly. To conclude the tihil , Hill mailoa
statement full of protestations of love
for his wife , arfd then the pair kis od
each other in open court Tim sympathy
which was tclt for the husband gave way
to disgust at such a scene , and the jury
promptly rendered a verdict of guilty of
murder.
Sam Hill went up to the supreme tri
bunal , onlv to have his sentenced eon-
firmed. Finally , when all hope had lo
bo abandoned , Sam Hill's friends sue-
seeded in hivht : him put in the lumilio
asylum , from which ho escaped laler.nnd
forni\iear he was a wandeier. Hu
first went to Now Orleans , then to Cor
pus. Christ ! . Tex. , and finally to the City
ot Mexico , following the career of a des
perate gambler. Ho always kept posted
on homo affairs , however. Hegultnly
e\ery week , until HIK months : igo , a letter -
tor tiildresscd to Mrs. Cora Hill , would
bo received at the Atlanta postolliee , and ,
being as regularly refused by Mrs Hill ,
always found its way to Iho dead-leltor
olliee at Washington. Three years airo
Mrs. Hill applied in IJelvalb countv su
perior court for a divorce. The case was
never called lor trial , lx causa , it ii un
derstood , Mr. Sam \V. Small , now an
evangelist , but then court stenographer ,
was retained by Sam Hill to light the
case.
And now tliesecoml tragedy remains to
bo told. Lot I in Koss , the beautiful bloiidu
at whoso hotiflu Mis , Hill was drugged to
her ruin , kept sinking lower and lower ,
but she never eeased to bo heautiful.
One morning about two years ago thu
people of Nashville were astonished to
hoar that Colonel lloyd , a weiilthygentle-
man of that city , had murdered his mis
tress , Itlrdiu PatterMin. Twice ISoyd has
boon convicted of the crime , and ho is
slill engaged in Iho imi > lcasanl duty of
fighting the verdict of tfio court. Uoyd ,
who has many relatives in Marietta , < ! a. ,
diiriugone of his visit * there , took a run
down to Atlanta , mut Lottie Koss , became -
came enamored of her and had her eon-
veyed to Naslmlfo under the name of
Birdie PulUU'hon.
Mow , Sum Hill , having traveled the
world over , is In Kansas ( * ity. As it hen
teneo of death luingH over him , ho must
Keep bhady , but ho lias ventured to write
a Jong hitter to ( jovornortJordon , narrat
ing his temptations and pleading for lint
executive clemency which it i not im
probably ho may olitaiu.
A WUo Verdict.
Wall Street News At u late meeting
ol a debating society in Kansas CilII.o
question was discussed "Is Jav Uuuld
n philanthropist , or what * " The dis
mission was a hoi one , and lasted an hour
and a half , ami then a vote was liiKon ,
and it was decided by four majority that
ho was a "or what. "
" ( ioiitlemen , " faiil a big man who
looked inlo Iho loom after the question
was settled , "allow mo to ooiigniluluto
you. There's ' a crowd of llft.of . us out
hero who wciro waiting for the vuidiul ,
and if il hud been 'J'hilaiitluopihl , ' uvuiy
hlnmcd ouo of you would have been car
ried homo on a aliuttor. "
finpture Cured.
lly tlic Knoillkui trentmi'iit liy Piof Cool. ,
wlilioui mi ) 0 | , ( < rntlon 01 dominion fiom lutmr.
Dr. Hinllkcr'n mcllioil ot OIIIIIIK riipturn la on
< IOIMH | lij thu Ivn'linir ' pliMimi9 ! of KMIMHN ,
iiutl 1 it'lcr I'tixrlHliy lo uuy ] .hh.-i MI 01 Imnlc
In impoiia : , lum-ms. Huiul i s ul KMimuiuaU
citn bo teen at ollleu
Cull niul ( auinlnc frtc of
Prof. IT , D. COOK ,
Onmlia , M'l .
OHlco 1014 Douglas Sire > l , TJp-r.taira ,
A. H
G-enl. Insurance Agent
Anil Heal Kstutu Jirolcer ,
Huitn lUC'iHxhtun Illork , Oinulin. Ir.H.rrvitf
wiitk'iliil i liuM9 cominmlc ) mdujioiiU at