12 THE OMAHA DAILY B-J E : SUNDAY , AUGUST 1 , 18S6.--TWELYE PAGES.
AMERICAN RAILWAY METHODS
The Uftf-uiludo of the Evils Foatored By
Transportation Companies.
SOME REMEDIES PRESCRIBED.
'JL'lic Conveniences nnd Comfort of
European Honds Far Superior to
tliosooftlin UnllcilKtntcn-'J'lio
Speculative Curse.
BV ni ( 1IVIID t. KLY , I'HOKKSSOH OF POI.iT-
1C At. MIENCE IN JOHN HOPKINS L'M-
VI 1JH1TV.
1'AIiT I.
/Yi/m llnrptr't Mnuattnc fnr AVQU'1.
A recent nrticlo in Harper's Magazine
on "Knglish mid American Railways , "
as seen from the standpoint of the trav
eler , wns ix revelation to largo inunburs.
Our railways Imvo so long sung their
own praises , nnd u subservient pi ess lias
so readily ic-ochootl tlicso boastful strains ,
that wo huvo lit'oh1 ' deluded into the bolint
that we posseted the fastest trains , thn
finest passeniror conches , tlic largest
supply of conveniences , the grandest sta
tions and the cheapest rates to bo found
in lliu world. Now it ought not to be
necessary to say that thn reason why one
rejoices to sou the publication of an ar
ticle designed to dispel such illusions is
not that ono likes to see the institutions
of onu's own country decried. No ; the
reason is the hope that an insight into
the actual condition of things may lead
to an improvement in these institutions.
The articles in the present series ) have
chiefly to do with railways as factors in
production , and in production the rail
way , us a means for the transportation of
passengers , plays a subordinate part. It
is not , then , necessary in this place to
cmphnsi/.c and ro-oiiforco the statements
in the article on "English nnd American
Railways. " It may bo remarked , how
ever , that a residence of several years in
Europe leads mo to the belief that the
author of that article has given even too
favorable a \ lew of our railways as com
pared with European railways. The
reader will Jind it an interesting and
prolltablo pastime to compare the rail
way time-tables of llfteen or twenty typ
ical American railways with the timetables -
" " tables of as many European railways.
lie will then obtain some idea of the slow
average rate of travel with us.
Other features of our railways do not
faio better in the comparison. Our sta
tions are inconvenient and ugly , some
times oven filthy. Our cars are uncom
fortable , and it is dilllcult to see how ono
who has lived long enough in Germany to
become accustomed to her institutions
should not prefer second-class travel in
that country to first-class on the ordinary
American railway , nlthough-tlio average
charge is thirty , forty , sum occasionally
even more than fifty per centum lower.
A still more important element is the
safety of travel , and it can bo said with
out fear of successful contradiction that
the reckless prodigality of human life ,
which as part of our railwav history has
astonished foreigners , is elsewhere un
known. i ,
Hut the chief evils of .American rail
ways appear whoa wo como to treat of
them as performing economic services in
the transportation of goods , and when
wo view railway property as an impor
tant element in our national resources.
It is then clillicult to tell Wnere to begin
or wliuro to end an account of abuses , as
they are so numerous and momentous.
Equally diilicuU.ts.it . to find language in
which to porhcuy. thu. sober scientific truth
in regard to those. abuses , for their cnor.
niity is such a's1 almost to baillo descrip
tion.
Jn 1870 the assembly of thostateof New
York passed a resolution for the appoint
ment ot a special committee to investi
gate the methods of the railways in that
state , which from the name of its chair
man is usually called the Hepburn com
mittee , though it was under the guidance
of Mr. Sterne , of Now York city. Thy
investigation forms an epoch in the
economic history of thc > United Stales ,
and the American people owe a debt of
gratitude to Mr. Storno for the ability ,
fearlessness and self-sacrificing fidelity
with which ho conducted the dillicult in
quiry. The magnitude and true nature
of the evils which wo Iiad been suffering
from railway domination then for the first
time became fully known , and the com
mittee in their report are compelled to
say tiiat the auuses are "so glaring in
their proportion ! ) as to savor of fiction
rather than actual history. " The reader
Who would know all the prominent de
tails of the railway methods of the coun
try may find them in a copy of this report
with testimony , and in other reports of
committees like the present senate com
mittee on inter-state commerce , or ho can
lind u good resume in ono of these two
works , 'Dio Nordamerikanischon Kisen-
buhnon"by that excellent Gorman au
thority Alfred von dor Loyen , and Hud
son's "Hallways and the Republic. " I'er-
Bonal intercourse with honest nnd intelli
gent business men and i ail way employes
will add to the fullness and vividness of
his knowledge.
Some ovifs of railways havp been
touched upon , and one or two briefly de
scribed in the first article in this series.
This present article will treat of a few
points selected out of the vast number
which present themselves , either because
they have not generally received satis
factory treatment hitherto , or because
they are fipeciullvwoighty m a considera
tion of railways' from an economic point
of view. These points are the waste of
national resources in the railway world ,
the evils in the manner in which railway
shares are bought and sold for specula
tive , or perhaps more properly gambling
purposes , and finally the great injury to
our economic Jife by discriminations in
railway charges.
More than two thousand years ago
Aristotle uttered wonts which in our ago
sound almost prophetic. This wise phi
losopher defended slavery on broad hu
manitarian grounds as an institution
'
required to koOp > 'allvu the culture which
alone rendered the advance of mankind
a possibility , for ho held that in no other
way could the choice spirits nmong men
secure leisure for highei pursuits ; but ,
added ho , if thu time should over como
"when the shuttle would move of itself ,
and plectra of themselves strike tholvre ,
wo should need'-WOi inoro slaves , " What
would ho have thought could ho have
. foreseen the marvelous inventions and
f discoveries of the pnsl century , which
Imvo led to such utilization ot the ele-
mentnry powers of nature that it is scarce
ly an exaggeration to say that the largest
portion ot material products is the crea
tion of selfnotingmachinery ? Had ho
known that in'ii'tuUire age one man in
various leading brandies would produce
as much as thirty , one hundred and fifty ,
three hundred , live hundred , and oven a
thousand in his day , \rould he not have
puiuted in glowing colors the high and
universal culture which could then bo
attained * It cnn scarcely bo doubted that
Aristotle would have taken it as an indis
putable fact that universal freedom ,
leibure for higher pursuits , un < i rm abun
dance of all nccdcu ee.ijy.6mio srood would
become the properly of nil the sons of
men. Mis ! Jiow diil'erent is the reality ,
not from Urean JnU oven from the
actual anticipations of tha past genera
tion , There may havobcou improvement ,
ttnd shallow optimists paint it as nil that
wo could desire ; but truth compels us to
acknowledge that it Is not so marked as
to be beyond controversy. There has
been undoubted advance in certain quar
ters , nnd mid wbti'd ilit rioruliou in
other.- ' , but what has bcuii the change in
the average condition of the masses ?
Who can tell ? That man who in spite of
all his faults still retains his reputation
as the most distinguished English econo
mist of his day considers It "questionable
if all the mechanical inventions yet made
have lightened the dav's toil of any
human hemp1 while the most careful
English student of economic fact. ? now
before the public leaves ono with the Im
pression that on the whol < < thu lot of the
English laboring clas might have been
more desirable some four centuries auo.
And in the United States , the most
lavored land , economic distress now
Vexes us , and n tinge of posslmisni
mingled with surprise characterises the
thoughts of intelligent and feeling Amer
icans.
Now it is manifestly out of the ques
tion oven if it were in my power , which
it is not -to attempt to explain all this in
one article like the present , but it is well
to call attention to a partial explanation.
The question is this : What has become of
the fruits of the matt rial progress of our
tune ? It is undoubtedly true that they
are largely absorbed by the needless
waste ot competition , and it is likewise
beyond controversy that no oilier ono
economic factor causes so much of this
needless waste with us as the railway.
FlftV years ago wo went mad with the
idea that unvcrsal competition was a
panacea for all social evils and the man
would Imvo received no attention who
suggested that there were certain territo
ries in our economic file which in their
nature were not adapted to competition.
Some of us have not yet recovered from
this madness , but the time has now come
for discrimination. Lei us examine very
hrii'lly what unregulated railway compe
tition has brought us.
My thesis is this : The needless waste
of railway competition has been .sufficient
to piovidc good , comfortable homes a
whole house to a family lor that part ot
the entire population of the United States
not already provided with such homes.
The jirst item in the count is needless
expenditure in railway construction.
This has been estimatuU , tit $1,000,000,000 ,
and it is certainly a low estimate , for two
needless railways , the West Shore and
the Nickel I'late , alone account for one-
fifth of this sum. It must be borne i'l
mind that needless expenditure is waste
of national resources which ought to
have benefited the people. This is very
simple , yet it is often necessary to repea't
it. Now. § 1,000,000,000 is a sum sullicient
to build homes for 1,000,000 families , or
5,000.000 people.
8. Every needless train is a waste , and
parallel and computing roads necessitate
a vast number of them daily.
3. Our railways have not been planned
according to any intelligent scheme , so
that they should become part of one
grand system of means of communica
tion and transportation supplementing
our natural and artificial waterways and
other highways. On the contrary , they
were often designed to injure other pub-
lie highways , and urojatUt managed with
that view , Railways run along by the
.side of canals and drive them out of ex
ist enee. At times they buy the canal and
stop using it , lest it should longer render
any service to anybody. The Richmond
& Allegheny railroad of Virginia is an
example. Here is a great waste of re
sources expended in canals. Railways
prevent the use of natural waterways.
Thus the Pennsylvania railroad ami ire
Pacific railways discriminate against
those who use the Ohio river and theAt- ,
lantic and Pacific oceans respectively.
These are examples of a waste of na
ture's bounty.
Freight rates are often so much cheaper
between competing points than from an
intermediate point that freight frequently
passes twice over thu same track a waste
of labor and capital. Freight is thus sent
from Pittsburg to Philadelphia and New
York , and then right back through Pitts-
burg to a western point , so as to get the
competition rate from ono of the largo
cities. Freight has likewise been sent
from Rochester. N. Y. , to New York city.
then back again over the same tracks
through Rochester to the west. Last
winter freight was sent from Haltimoro
to Now York , then back through Haiti-
more to the west. These examples might
bo multiplied indefinitely.
Another variety of waste is illustrated
by the anthracite coal combination , which
stops production at intervals in order 'to
maintain high prices. Capital power and
labor power meantime remain idle , 'and
other industries are injured.
Hut why continue this , as ono easily
might ? It is impossible to expres with
mathematical accuracy all this enormous
waste of national resources , but no one
will bo likely to deny that I have more
than proved my thesis.
The transactions of the stock exchange ,
which has to do largely with the pur
chase nnd sale of railwtty shares , are not
altogether illegitimate 'by anv means.
Railway property is sold honestly , as
other property is , in order to obtain
money for other purposes , and it is
bought legitimately for investment. Hut
a great part of the transactions are of a
speculative character ; in other words ,
property is bought and soid , not for the
sake of realizing on the shares , or for the
sake of an investment , but in order to
get gam out of the fluctuation in value
of railway property. This loads naturally
to attempts to promote fluctuation. A
railway manager may desire to depress
the property committed to his care , in
order to buy the shares of others at alow
price. The devices to which recourse is
had for this purpose by the management
in such cases are varied. . The property
may bo neglected , so that dividends will
not ho earned , dividends may bo passed
needlessly , groundless minors may bo
circulated calculated tp i jur.o the rail
way. fictitious sales at low figures may bo
effected , Those are simple processes , but
one familiar with the transactions of the
stock exchange could readily fill many
pages ot this maga/.ino in the description
of devices used to depreciate property
unduly. Even easier to understand are
the method's used to inflate property , of
which the most common , at any rate the
best known , is the declaration of un
earned dividends , which must then be
paid o it of capital.
Of course this is morally no bettor than
highway robbery , while it is far more con
temptible. It gives a false impression of
the value of property , which is then sold
tp the community at un inflated valua
tion It is a method by which corporate
managers have cnriuhud llumisclvos , and
plundered the widow , the orphan nnd the
thrifty , hard-woriing citl/.un. It estab
lishes that diversity gf .interest between
the management of railways and the
great body of shareholder wMch \ one
of the most marked features of our rail
way history. This is woli illustrated in
the graphically narrated account of the
rise and progress of the Camden &
Amboy Transportation company , which
is found In Alfred von der Loyon's work ;
and it may be remarked in passing that
this company , of odious motuory , whose
history is marked not only by theft ,
wholesale bribery and legislative corrup
tion , but oven by violence and murder ,
furnishes examples of nil abuses known
to the railway world. Hut another view
of the effect of speculation in railway
shares is as important as , and possibly
loss generally mentioned than , that whic h
has just received our attention , The larg
fortunes which hnvo boon miulo in this
Way. aiiil stilt more the immense possi
bilities of this spccioa of gambling , are
seducing thu youth of the country from
the paths of honest industry. This is a
matter frequently bewailed almost in
terms of despair by President Andrew D.
White , certainly one of the most ex
perienced nnd distinguished educators of
the country. It ruins daily bright and
promising careers , and is n curse to the
land. In what docs this idl-porvading
speculation in business ditter from theft ?
Is'it not trying to oljtajn.something for
noth ng , Irjing .to coax the property-of
your neighbor into your poi kct without n
return ? and is not that the essence of
theft ? Should i'l bo u matter of surprise ,
with the railway transactions in the stock
exchange constantly before the e.ycs of
the public. that these methods should ex
tend to ail spheres of business life ? Or
ought it to astonish one that the moro
vulgar , like our Now York aldermen ,
should resort to moro direct and old-
fashioned methods of robbing the people
whose property they ought to protect ?
\ \ hen , in the wiiitor of 187U-80 , a meas
ure was brought forward in the Prus Ian
parliament for thn purchase of the pri
vate railways In Prussia , some allusion
was made to the injury that this might dote
to the stock exchange ; but the minister of
public works , or railway minister , as ho
is frequently called , Ilcrr Maybach , re
plied : "Yes , gentlemen , if we shall be
able to re trict the operations of this ex
change by removing from it altogether
this kind of property , wo shall consider
it n great advantage. It will indeed give
mo peculiar pleasuio to lop oil' some of
the branches of this upas tree. " Gift-
baum was the word used , and it is more
expressive than our English word -a
poison tree , n tree poisonous in nature ,
and whoso fruit must bo poisonous. Yes ,
and if in any manner wo in America
shall bo able to how oft'a great branch
from our gift-batim. it would bo a bless
ing to our youth , mm to all who desire to
live honestly and uprightly n blessing of
such proportions that it could not ho
easily overestimated. A cttrso to us is
our gift-bauni.
[ TO m : coNi.L'uii ! : > NIXT : SUNDAY. ]
SECRETS ABOUT'OUR ARTISTS.
How Some Manaco to Karti $ riO ) ( ) n
Year Others Mot So Fortunate ,
"How do artists manage to live ? " The
inquiry made by a Is'ow York Mail and
Express reporter of a well-known artist
anil a picture dealer quailing beer in a
hall near the store of the hitler , caused
them botli to laugh. The artist hr.dcom
plained that the public was tinappreeia-
live and parsimonious , while the dealer
had asserted that the artists are capii-
cious , impractical and natural-born Mi
grates. The conversation had been stint-
cil by tno mention in a letter from Paris
"
to ti"daily paper that in consequence of a
quarrel betweenthogroatMeissonior and
his dealer the former was likely to Miller
more than the latter , who would take up
and boom sonic oilier artist. Hoth hay
ing had their laugh and finished their
beer , the artist spoke up while another
"stem" was coming.
"Well , Ihe artist , you may bo sure , has
a pretty hard tune of it , if ho be of a
nervous and sensitive tcmporamcnt , or
has no shrewd wife t < > negotiate for him ;
but if lie add to his talent as an artist a
modicum of practical common sense ho
can pot along very well , despite the fact
Unit liis dealer will always be a thorn in
his side. The dealer is to the artist what
the publisher is to the authorlhc manager
to the actor , the engineer to the throttle.
It is a pil3' that the two cannot the better
understand each other , the trouble being
that the one believes the other is ahyays
trying to get the best _ of him in prices ,
while the dealer considers the artist little
better than an idiot hi that ho does not
more fully study the popular taste. . If an
artist lias any skill at all and the slight
est modicum of industry he can get along
very well , and the te about the pover
ty of artists is all moonshine , as far from
the truth as that about the impccuniosity
of succcs.iful newspaper men. Of course
the drones in every hive will suiter from
their improvidence , and so with la/y
artists , or what is more general , those
who have no tact or who do not get en
rapport witli their dealer. Now , as
hewn in the article from Paris , it was a
dealer who boomed Meissonior , or his
fame would probably not have gone be
yond a limited art circle.
"As the article says , there are many
admirable artists in Paris who tor want
of management will never become fam
ous. So it is hero ; there are many excel
lent artists who just get along for want
of a little business management. Now ,
take Ed M ; ho makes about .OCO
per annum. He is industrious and al
ways has a work on his easel. Ho aver
ages a picture a month. He is modest
and easy going , and would never sell a
picture m his studio himself ; but as .soon
as a picture is completed ho sends it tea
a dealer nnd starts on another. If he
does not sell hero the picture is sent to
Chicago or Cleveland or Now Orleans , or
perhaps to Hoston or San Francisco ,
nnd iu time sells , netting him § 1,000. If
ho kept it in his studio lie would prob
ably not sell a picture in a year , as ho
could not properly talk it up. Well , say
ho paints twelve pictures in a year and
sells , say live , his income will be . o.OOO ,
leaving his seven works on hand , which
are grouped in some auction and gener
ally sell at good figures. Now. there's
L ; he dashes off about three pic
tures per month , which average him
$100 each. Yet ho is better known as a
designer for the illustrated papers and
the illustrated books of travel. There's
C , who spends his winters in some
southern clime and his summers in pleas
ant northern retreats , always living well
nnd enjoying himself in his bachelor
hood , makes all of $0,000 per annum
painting portraits on orders ho receives
in the places ho visits. Arrived at a
place , no gives in the parlor of some
local celebrity , tp whom ho brings lotlors
or who has previously been instrumental
in getting him to visit the plaice , an ex
hibition ot his work , and then if ho does
not soon catch an order ho moves to amore
moro appreciative locality. Hut ten to
ono ho sells ono of his old pictures before
ho closes , even if ho docs not get an
order. If the locality is pleasant ho will
obtain a photo of the popular clergyman
and paint his portrait , and his friends
will start a subscription for its purchase
to bo presented to' the subject or the
the church ho presides over. "
FRANK JAMES
Denies the Ilcpnrta that Ho is Going
Into Ilio Show HiishiCHS.
Dispatch to the Globo-Demoorat from
NovnUa , Mo , : The report which recently
found its way into the Now York Sun
through n Fort Worth , Tex. , correspond
ent , to the effect that Frank James had
arrangement's to go on the stage with a
play based on his courtship and marriage
with Miss Annie Ralston , presents on its
face a plausible appenranoa , but Frank
Jam us says there is not ono word of truth
in it. James recently returned from
Texas , whore ho spent ono week at the
stale military encampment at Lannmsas
ngs. On his return he stopped over
ono night at Fort Worth , but ho says not
ono word was spoken by himself or anyone
ono else about his going on the stage dur
ing liis trip through Texas.
"If I had wanted to go on the stage,1
said lie , "I huvo had plenty of opportunl
ties to have done so , but 1 prefer a quio
life , 1 Imvo had many offers from mnna
"ors of theaters , circuses and museums.
One manager offered mo $1,000 a week ,
with traveling expenses and a palace car
for ft year , but 1 tell you I don't want it'
I want peaoo and qniot at homo with my
family.fl
Your correspondent knows of his own
knowledge that Mr. James has received
these oilers. James has lived hero since
last September , during which time ho has
koiU himself constantly employed , re
ceiving a moderate salary for his work
up to a few weeks ago , when Ins employ
er sold a half interest in his business ,
slnco which time ho has not boon actively
employed. 11 o lias a wife and ono child ,
a bright tittle boy. and for thorn ho pur
chased , a short time ago. a cottage for
merly occupied as the Methodist
ngo. Another report which is going tli'o
rounds of the press , that James is dying
of consumption , is without foundation.
Ho Is iu good health.
BROWN'S 1IIRED
GIRL-
11UC' 1MHtK. < \ .
TCS , Hrtnvn is alllit ttnl that way , nnd
has been for several we ks , pretty badly ,
The . name of his nflhctlon is Rosy
McCnno.
Rosy is an American-born Irish girl of
the lirsl water the Simon-pure article.
She is n daisy , nnd no mistake.
She is about c'ghteen ' years of ago.
pretty good-looking , ami her vanity is
boundless.
Hrown , t wnnt to explain right here , is
not by any moans n man of great wealth.
Oh no I Ho is ono of life many who
struggle alonjr on a thousand a > car ,
moro or less battling with the gaunt
wolf at short range , as it wcio.
A hired girl , therefore , is a luxury ho
can ill afford as a permanent addition to
his household.
"Luxury , " did I say ? It may bo such ,
but Hrown fails to BCO it in that light any
longer.
Experience is the best of teachers , it is
said , and Hrown has "bin thar. "
When it became necessary for Hrown
to lind a girl , owing to Mrs. Hrown'F
being taken away from the helm of the
domestic ship to give her attention to : v
lately arrived strained1 an addition to
the family in the sfiapo of n young son
and heir , weight , about ten pounds , or
thercabouts--hH made inquiries around
the neighborhood , and the result of his
inquiries wns Rosy McC'uno.
He set out in search of Rosy at once ,
and by following the directions he had
received , soon found the lady's residence.
Rosy came to the door in person , and
when Brown had made known his busi
ness , she began to question him in a
way that fairly made his head swim ,
and by the time she was done , Hrown
wns iu doubt whether he wauled to hire
the girl , or the girl wanted to lure him.
U began to look , lie felt , as though ho
was in search of a position himself ,
At last , when he had answered all of
the girl's questions to her satisfaction ,
he felt honored to know that lie pos
sessed the ncci'Bsary qualifications to become
como her employer.
Yes , Rosy engaged him at least Hrown
looked at it in that light ho to pa.v her
? 7 a week , and she to have every Thurs
day afternoon and every Sunday evening
off.
off.Such
Such were the rosy terms which Rosy
named , and Hrown being in a tight place ,
had to accept them.
Heggars should not bo too particular ,
but should accept whatever they can get.
Hrown was made to feel that Miss
McCunu was doing him a great favor to
como at all , even at those terms.
Tlicso points being settled , Hrown next
ventured to ask when the lady would do
him the honor to present herself at his
domicile.
"When would you like to have me
como ? " Rosy asked.
"Just as soon as j'ou can get there , "
Hrown answered.
"Did you bring a carriage ? "
This question almost turned Hrown's
soul right inside out. For a moment ho
was knocked speechless.
"I asked : 'Did yon bring a carriage ? ' "
Rosy repeated.
"Great Scott ! No ! " Hrown cried out ,
desperately. "Do you take mo for a
Vanderbilt ? I came in a street car , nriss ,
and if.you can get ready inside of half
an hoilr , I will wait for you ana take you
homo with me in the same manner.
Things are in a desperate way at my
house , and I've got no time to waste
about this matter. "
Now when Hrown spoke up like that ,
Hrown meant business , right from the
word go ; and Rosy at once promised to
be ready within the given time.
Hut she wasn't.
At the end of forty-fivo minutes , though ,
she made her appearance , clad in an
imitation sealskin sacqno and a twenty-
dollar bonnet , albeit her shoes were in a
sadly dilapidated and dowu-at-the-hccl
condition.
"Ready ? " Brown qucricd.o
Rosy was ready.
Now , reader ( and I ask this question
for Hrown , you undorstanlj'whothoryon ( ) '
are young or old , did you over know of
a hired girl who transported her duds
and other bric-a-brac ur.iuiy other fr-m
than an overgrown bundle ? Hrow.i is
willing1 to bet that you never did. And ,
for that matter , so am I.
It is'never a cabba , iv hmid-bagJa grip
sack , a carpet-bag , valise , nor a a trunk ;
but always eternally and all the time
a bundle. And , ten toonc , it 'is n bundle
as big as a barrel , as round as a ball ,
tolerably hefty , ei.cased in tin old sheet ,
and all sewed around with darning
cotton.
Have yon ever seen that bundle ? Of
couriso you have.
Well , when Brown stopped out into the
hall of the Medina mansion ( tenement
house , third floor back ) , ho came within
ono of falling heels over head right over
.just such a bundle.
"Hello ! " ho exclaimed , as ho recovered
himself in time to save going down
stairs on his stomach , head h'rst : "some
body moving ? "
"That is my bundle , sir"said Rosy ,
with a rosy blush.
"Your bundle ! Good heavens , miss ,
wo expect to supply you with bed and
bedding while you are with us. "
"Sir , this bnndlo contains mo clothes. "
This was said in such a tone of resent
ment that the lady's tonttuo tripped a
litlle , nnd out came the brogue.
"Ohl Beg pardon , " Blown cried. "I
will send an expressman around to get
it. "
"Hut I must have it the moment I got
to your house , sir. "
"Oil ! you must , oil ? Well , fetch it
along , then. "
But Rosy stopped short.
"Sir ! " she cried , "do you imagine for a
moment that 1 would bo scon upon the
street with that bundle in my arms ? Not
much ! If you want mo in such Imstoyou
must carry it for mo. "
Brown did want her in liasto , nnd there
was no help for it ; so lie tackled the
bundle.
Hut it being round and without a
handle of any sort , ho failed to grasp it
as a whole. Ho failed to grasp any part
of it , in fact. Ho might as well have
tried to grasp the broad side of a barn.
Ho failed because ho didn't ' know how.
"Hold on , " said Rosy. "Holdout your
arms. "
Hrown hold thorn out , anil Rosy oouuccd
her bundle up into thorn in a twinitllng.
"There ! " she oxclaime.d. "Now you're
all right. Como onl" And down the
stairs she tripped.
Brown never felt so small and moan in
nil his life. Ho told mo so. Should ho bo
geen carrying a bundle of that sort
through the streets ? Never ! Hy the great
American eagle , no ! Not oven hardly
over , llo , the ten-pound father I moan
the father of a ten-pound boy ; it would
bo ridiculous. He just simply wouldn't
do it ; that was all.
And when ho reached the street where
Rosy wns waiting for him , ho dropped
the bundle and broke the intelligence to
her in no very gentle manner.
"Wait a minute , " ho ended by saying ,
"aud I'll KOO if 1 can find a truck. "
"You should have brought a carriage
in the first place , " cried her ladyship ,
angrily , nnd with another flno touch of
the brogue.
"A carriage bo "
Brown came very near saying some
thing pretty strong , then , hut ho didn't ;
no stopped , Ho happened to sco nn empty
cab at that moment , and ho hulled it as a
God-send.
Into the cab Rosy McCuno and her
bundle were hustled , .ami then Brown
took a scat beside the driver and told him
where to go ,
Well , they arrived ; hut Rosy hadn't
boon in tup house more than twenty mi n-
utcs when she kicked up a red-hot
quarrel w-lhMrs. Hrown's nurse.
Hrown acted as arbitrator , at the risk
of his life , ho thought , nnd the difficulty
was finally settled.
Rosy McC'uno is . o terrlblo Men-toned
in her idoaa that Hrown firmly believes
she must hnvo served apprenticeship to
the royal family of England , or some
other high-born tribe.
The very next morning after her in
stallation slio astonished him by saying :
"Mr. Hrown , 1 find that you have
neither cocoa nor broma In the nou o. "
for you , sir , " oaid Rosy , then , "but I
cannot drink cither of them in the morn
ing. 1 must have my cocoa or my broma
for breakfast , or I am not. myself all day.
Shnll I order some from the grocer ? "
Hrown fairly gasped for breath.
"Great Godfrey 11. Jackson ! " ho exclaimed -
claimed , as soon as lie could exclaim ,
"where did you live out last ? "
"I was last m service with Mrs. Par-
vonoii , of Fifth avenue , New York. "
"That settled itit settled Hrown , too.
"Well , " lu < said , "you will have to feel
like somebody else for to-day , miss ; but
wlii-n the trrocer's boy comes around you
may order your broma. Your delicately
nurtured constitution shall not suffer for
want of its accustomed nourishment
while you are in my house. No , by
heavens ! I swear it ! "
Oh ! .siio'fi a daisy , as I said before.
Nothing is good enough for her.
What Brown considers as good , Found ,
substantial food , such as roast beef ,
boiled potatoes mashed turnips , onions
in milk , etc. , she considers as common ;
and what he regards as luxuries beyond
Ills means , except on state occasions , she
regards as everv-day necessities.
Now , Brown swears that the day ho
went to engage himself to her service ,
the moment the door was opened his nosn
was greeted by the unmistakable odor of
pork and cabbage.
Plain facts demand plain statements.
Rosy is an aec'implisliuil liar.
Her "papa , " she says , holds a lucrative
position in the department of public
works.
Brown pays that he saw him , the other
day , cl-ul in a rubber suit and just crawl-
imr through a man-hole out of the sewer ;
atid he thinks that all the lucre he gels
out of thai lucrative position is pirhnps
a dollar a day.
Truth the open , bold , honest truth--is
always the safest for anyone , in any and
all circumstances.
The girls of our day are not like the
girls of a hundred years ngo. That is
what Brown says , and 1 agree with him.
Wo don't remember much about it our
selves , but the information comes down
to us pretty straight.
Rosy McCuno is a girl a hired girl of
to-day. She is an assured fact , if not
success , is Rosy , and Hrown will make
allida'vit accordingly , if necessary.
On the evening of Rosy's second day at
Hrown's she askcil special permission to
go out. Her grandmother was lying at
the point of death , she said , and she
must go.
Under these circumstances she was al
lowed to go.
She returned about 1 o'clock in the
morning , and Hrown has since learned
that she spent the evening at a skating-
rink.
rink.Next
Next day her grandmother , who really
was iU , died ; and then Rosy went about
the house wailing like the fabled banshee
until she had poor Mrs. Brown's nerves
all unstrung.
The nurse remonstrated with her quite
severely.
"If you don't stop your infernal howl
ing , " she said , in plain words , "you will
drive Mrs. Hrown mad. "
"But my poor grandmother ! my poor
grandmother ! " Rosy moaned. And then
all of a Midden she stopped , dried her
eyes and exclaimed :
"Yes. I must stop , or I shall bo ill my
self. Grandmother is safe in heaven ,
now , and 1 won't think of her any
longer. It makes me feel so bad. " And
then forthwith she began to sing "Over
the Garden Wall. "
1 could go on and write a volume about
what Brown has told me concerning his
hired girl , but I guess 1 won't. You might
begin to think 1 am draw-ing upon my
imagination. One or two incidents moro ,
and I will cut the narrative short and tie
a knot iu the end.
Oi ; Sunday , Rosy agreed , as an especial
favor , to take Hrown's little girl to
church anil Sunday school.
And she lived up to her agreement to
the letter. Yes , and further up , too ; she
did more than she agreed to do.
When the minister ended his sermon ,
ho inquired whether any one present
knew of any person who \yould I'IKC to ho
called upon by the visiting committee
during the week.
Rosy was on her foot in an instant.
She informed the minister that Mrs.
Hrown would like to have the committee
call upon her ; she know she \vould. She
was very lonely at times , being il 1 , and
bad only an old nurse for company. Mr ,
Hrown was away all day , and well , she
thought it would cheer Mrs. Brown up to
have the committee visit her.
This was publicly announced from the
pulpit , and in less than two hours there
was a line scandal being gossiped around
tlio neighborhood.
Hrown was looked upon as a brute
Any man who would allow his bettor-half
to become down-hearted , lonely , melan
choly , despondent , low-spirited , etc. , etc. ,
at such a time , must bo a brute. That
was the long and the short and the whole
of it.
it.Well
Well , the committee came ; and so did
almost every woman of that church's
congregation. Tno feminine curiosity of
the whole community was nt fever-heat.
And when the secret came out oh ,
wasn't Mrs. Brown mad ! Well , now , she
was about IIH angry as any woman you
over saw. Why' ! if slio had had her full
strength just then , she would have taken
Rosy McCuno by the back of her neck
and the slack hold on , though ; Rosy
isn't that sort of a fellow. But anyhow.
Mrs. Hrown would have iired her out of
doors in short order.
As it was , she only said :
"Oh ! Rosy , how could how could you
toll such a htory ? It is a wonder to mo
that the good Lord didn't como right
down through the roof of the church and
snatch you bald-headed. "
On Monday , to go back a little , Rosy
did not do any washing. Of this the nurse
informed Mrs. Hrown , Mrs. Drown told
Brown , and ho demanded to know why.
"Because , " Rosy answered , " 1 did not
engage to do any washing. 1 am no
laundress , sirrah ! IJo you imagine that
1 would put my hands into hot water and
suds ? Not much !
Brown had to lilro a woman , that ,
especially to do the washing and ironing.
Rosy managed to wash the dishes , but
in doing so she wears a pair of rubber
mittens. , .
Oh , she's u darling , ns I have already
hinted. She's an out-and-out American
hired girl the genuine article.
And thus Hrown has been alluded for
several weeks.
Mrs. Hrown Is on deck again now ,
though , nnd Brown says ho thinks ho
will write out and send in his resignation ,
pay the girl what is duo her , and with
draw from her service about the first of
the month.
And ho also says that if it over becomes
necessary for him to hire ti girl again , ho
will shut up shop and take board at a
hotel instead , , . . . .
LATKK I open this manuscript to add
that Rosy Mcl'une is gono.
A stranger called at Brown's house
to-day , and Mrs. Brown and Rosy both
happening to goto the door , he took Rosy
to DO tlio Taily of. , ( ho mansion. . . . . .
As soon 'as ' ho was gone whew ! Well ,
Rosy didn't stand upon the order of
going ; slio.
SHORT ANIMAL STORIES ,
A Rocklnnd ( Maine ) dog struck the trail
of a hedge-hog ono Jay fast week , nnd
when ho returned homo his owner pulled
000 quill ? out of the dog's noso.
A buffalo herd at Stony Mountain.
Mass. , now consists of eighteen bulls ,
Iwcnty-llvo cows and eighteen calves. It
was started with one bull ami four heifers ,
A Pennsylvania man has n collection
of i00 ! live rattlesnakes , lie caught them
in the spring as tliey were leaving their
dens. Some of them arc of unorimnis
size.
size.A
A New Orleans dog , it is said , never
niakes a mistake as to the. recurrence of
Sunday , and nothing will induce him to
leave the house or frolic on that day. Ho
spends it in quiet meditation.
A big turtle was caught near Lincoln
Parish , La. , and its head was cut off.
Three dnjs later a chicken found the
head and was picking at it , when the
jaws snapped , caught the chicken and
Killed it outright.
Farmer Underwood , of Redman , N. Y. ,
took a line calf into Watertown in his
wagon to bell to the butchers. Just as lie
readied the railroad a locomotive came
along nnd whistled shrilly. The calf
gave a start , tumbled , and dropped dead
in the wagon , apparently dying of fright.
Two sparrows attacked a eal inSireator ,
111. , drawing blood Irom its back with
their stout little bills. The cat squalled
and rolled on its back , trying lo beat oil'
the birds with its paws. Hut the little
feathered bulldogs Kept right at puss
nnlil she gave up , ran away , and hid
under a fence.
A Louisiana paper says that Mis' ' ) Nonie
Walmsloy , of Natchitoches , in u hunt on
Bayou Pierre , killed two nine-foot alliga
tors in a single day last week. One of
the wounded monsters shown ! light and
made a rush for the boat , but the lady
retained her coolness and shot him
through Ihe head before ho reached It.
An Arkansas farmer writes that last
year , when coons made havoc in his corn-
lield , ho went to the drug store to buy
strychnine with which to kill them. By
mistake the druggist gavelihi ) morphine ,
and the next morning ho 'found his lield
full of sleeping coons , lie advises the
use of morphine instead of strychnine.
A chicken was hatched near Upper
Sandusky that had four perfect legs and
four wings. The legs were not grown
together , but were separate and distinct ,
as were also the wings. The chick lived
for several hours after being hatched out ,
and in fact walked about. It has been
preserved in alcohol.
Professor Treadwcll , of Massachusetts ,
has proved that a half-grown robin will
daily devour more than once and a half
times its own weight in caterpillars and
beetles. A young brood cannot liyo on
less than seventy or eighty worms a day.
A single pair of sparrows will carry
every weeli to tuo nest J.oOO . caterpillars
or beetles.
Merrill KnnoiT , of Creston , Iowa , re
cently met with a novel though distress
ing accident. He was carryfnir a penholder -
holder behind his ear , and as ho threw
his bend to one side the holder fell to his
shoulder , sticking in his shirt. As ho
straightened up the end of the holder on-
lured.his oar and punctured the drum ,
destroying the hearing.
Two hunters from Minnesota , who
spent the winter on the Athabasca river ,
caught and killed 100 beaver , 10 moose ,
and other animals , and ihen lost all Iheir
furs by a spring'freslicl. They have just
come in with their sprliK : catch , which
included 13'J beaver , 1- lynx and one bear ,
which they have sold lor $000. Barring
their Jo.ss , they think they did very well ,
and will try it again next fall.
Dr. J.W. Edge recently purchased in
MontcKuma : t pair of kittens that may be
looked upon as being quite _ curious. The
heads and fore feet arc like those of an
ordinary house cat , but hero the cat ends
and the rabbit commences , their hjnd
logs and tails beintr those of rabbits.
They jump just as alj rabbits do , and
there is nothing in their actions to sug
gest the cat except the mowing.
Amos E. Cobb , of Norwich , Conn. , has
a remarkable young c.U. It ignores mice
entirely. It will have noth'iig but red
squirrels. Itgoca out into the woods each
morning anil catches ono red squirm ! .
One squirrel lusts for a whole day's
meals. The hind-quarters servo for
breakfast , the 'fore-quarters for dinner ,
and the cnl tapers off her appetite by
picking the hido.aml . head for supper. It
is hard work lo catch a rod squirrel nap
ping , and the cat realizes that one squir
rel must go a long way.
Dr. Allen , of New Maysville , ImL , has
a wonderful dog. It is a largo black-
and-white Newfoundland. This faithful
animal performs its daily work with the
utmost promptness and regularity. This
consists in keeping the kitchen wood-box
filled. At intervals through the day it
will report to the kitchen and view the
wood-box. Whenever the supyly of fuel
is gelling low ho proceeds lo the yard ,
grabs a stick in his mouth and lanes it lethe
the kitchen , repeating the operation till
the box is filled again. It keeps a special
look-out on wash-days , and at , oilier
limes when an unusual quantity of wood
is being used , and never lots the box jrcl
empty as long as there is a supply in the
yard.
cages , through drifts and cross-cuts , and
goes all over and through the mine per
haps ofloner than any minor of them all.
Yesterday a brilliant idea struck John
O'Neill ' and some others , and they spir
ited Towser into n. . back yard. They
washed his hair as clean to the sidn as it
possibly could bo washed , ami-then care
fully panned the muddy water lo the very
highest percentage , and the enlirn dog
assayed in ( ino gold $23.17 , as weighed
on Sodcrling's scales. When Mono assays
$2.17 ! ) In the dog , she Is certainly starling
out on a boom , and wo defy any mining
camp on the Pacific coast to beat it. "
Four children of Mr. Rodnnborgor ,
living near HIg Skookum , Washington
territory , when going homo from school
were surprised' by a big tigur , which
sprang upon ono of them , u six-year-old
boy , who was walking In the roar. The
nnimiil throw the boy to the ground ,
soi/.cd him by flio head , tearing the scalp
in a frightful manner and mangling his
faco. Another boy , -eight years old ,
bravely rushed to the rescue , and , catch
ing the boast by the ear , boat him upon
the head so furloubly with a largo glass
bottle that ho rule.i.snd his hold and ran
to the brush , The alarm boiiisr given ,
parties started out to hunt Ilio brute aud
brought film down , llo was a fnll-jrrown
male , and measured between eight nnd
nine fool in length.
Ottawa Journal : On Saturday after
noon as the Illinois Central special bear
ing the. militia to the state encampment
nt Springfield "dashed into LaSalle sta
tion , a largo black dog. a lino-looking
fellow , wns noticed strolling slowly up
and down the platform from the depot to
the water lank on the north. A fat man
with an umbrella sought to drive him
away , but he rofiignd to go , scarcely
deigning to notice his assailant or his
umbrella. Whether his master had de
serted him at that place and ho was
awaiting his return , or whether he was
Bomo resident mostly weary of existence
cannot bo divined , but as the tram shot
by the water tank comimr up to the
depot , his dogship moved from Uio plat
form out upon the truck and deliberately
stood facing the Incoming locomotive till
ho was run down and ground to death by
the merciless iron wheels. Ho was a
noble-looking animal , but what , if auy ,
was the sorrow that weighed upon his
heart and made life a burden ami a bar
ren ideality to him will never bo known ,
as ho made no explanation of hu strange
conduct.
Tlio Melon Crop.
National \ \ cekly"Yes , " said tho-
Kansas man , lo an admiring jirott'p , as ho
heaved a 6x15 sigh , and cast his cyo
across the street and into Tony Wine-
buiser's saloon. "Yes. the watermelon
crop is pretty good in Kansas generally.
Last year they had quite a fair crop. I
lived out in Wallace county. ArllloKlfl
counted as the poorest county in tlio
slate , and I have a kind of n foreboding
that my crop would fail. It did fall a
little short of the eustomnry eiop , but it
bent anything you have around hero , "
and lie cast n contemptuous glance over
the watcrmillion patch in a neighboring
garden.
"Well , toll us what of a crop you had ,
so we may judge whether or no your
crops beat ours or not , " emphatically
linked Ihe man with red hair and a strip
of court plaster over hi * right eye.
"Well , " he continued , slowly , "it was
such mi inferior crop to the e\iMi \ > nfnry
one that it ain't hardly worth spenkin'
of , but , anyhow. 1 planted u couple of
do/eu hills "
"Oli ! that's no crop , " put in the black
smith , from around the corner.
"Well , just hold on , stranger. Just ,
wail till I gi-t through. As Ijnid I , 1
planted a dozen mountain sweeta front
mv crop. Now , you fellers hero would
pul them in your garden , but that ain't
the way they do it out in Kansas. 1
planted them hills ju. t one to the aero
takin' just : ) ! acre * of prairie .seed "
"That wua mighty waste of sile ,
wasn't ' it ? " enquired a gardener from
the suburbs.
"Oh.no ! 1 found out afterwards that1
I should have two acres to the hill. Well ,
about the middle of May them melons
come up ami began to grow. They didn't
grow very much until about the middle
of June , when one day , me an' my near
est neighbor were havin' a little game of - . . /
poker for the drinks " V
"Thought Kansas was proh "
"No , no. You : ? ee we mid a quart bet
tle between us , and it was a standing
jaek-pnt , so to speak. Whenever wo
could break it , we'd take a drink on our
own luck , and when we couldn't , break
it , we'd drink to down our sorrow. In
fact , wo drank anway. . lut ! lo return to
the crop. As I said , me and my neigh
bor were indulging in a harmless little
game of poker , when my brother-in-law
rushed excitedly into the room and said :
"Bill , turn out here quiek ! ' 1 hem
melons are just srrowin' plum out of
sight ! Come out quick ! "
"As wo wen > ju--l ready to open an
other jack-pot , we waited until Ihe opera
tion was performed , and went out.
Judge ot our surprise when wo slopped
out and looked around , to behold the
watermelon vines just scooting across
the country at the rate of twenty-live-
miles an hour. They were just sling
along in great shape 'The young melons
grew , too , about a yard an hour "
"Hold on , stranger , you must think
you've struck a green crowd , don't you ? "
"Oh , no ! gentlemen , 1 give you my
word and honor thai lliis is u fact. "
"Well , what finally became of tlio
crop ? "
"You know that melon rarely e.vdr
grow near the root of the vine. Well ,
the further end of the vine being in Ne
braska , Colorado and other foreign coun
tries before we could travel to whore the
melons grew the Kansas slate legislature
held a session in Topeka , and the melons
were confiscated by the honurables. "
After the Kansas man had nicked him
self up from tlio obscure place behind
the ash barrel , where the 'farmer from
the hilly region had kicked him. he mut
tered something about "southern preju
dice , " and lonely wended-his way lo the
saloon across the way. ' " .
Take Your Corset OfT.
Dr. Mary A. Allen in Herald of Health :
"O , dear ! I don't know vliat is the
matter with me. 1 am so tired till thu
time 1 can't stand anything ; I can't walk
three blocks. I have nuiiralgia every
little while. I'm good for notkittgVrfrtilj'1
yet there seems to ho no diseaseabout -
me. I wish you'd tell me what nils me. "
The speaker was a beautiful girl about
IS ) years old. Nature had intended her
for a magnificent specimen of woman
hood. She was not less than 6 feet 7
inches in heijlit , but , with shoulders and
hips broad in proportion , she measured
only 2 : ) inches around the-waist.
Of course , she asserted that she did not
dress tight ; but when told Jhat in order lo
have good health she miint leave off her
corsets she rebelled. "Why , how would
Hook without acorset ? " she exclaimed ;
"I'd be a perfect fright. " What reply
was there to be made to so convincing a
statement ? But by the light of science
her whole body was illuminated , and lethe
the understanding vision she was a per
fect fright as it was. 1 never sco such n
figure that I am not reminded of Hiram
Power's query i.i regard to a fashionably
attired lady : "I wonder where she pulH
her liver1
It is easy enough to prove that the
breathing capacity is actually lessoned
by the corset , even when not worn tight.
Any one who wishes to try the experi
ment can sit down and begin _ to draw
in the deepest breath possible. When
the limit of eor.set is reached unclasp it
and see how widely its clasp can be Si'p-
united by the action of the lungs alone.
Then if you bear in mind that these
muscles have been weakened by non-use ,
and that with lull liberty they would in-
crcnso in strength , you will bo able to
imagine how much the corset bus lessened
the vital capacity. I MIW a line illustra
tion of this a few days hinco , when I
called upon a lady whi o literary labors
are wonderful. She received mo in a
neat but lee o drcv < , in which every
organ of the body had full play. She
rejoiced in her perfect physical freedom.
Slio ran up and down utair.s with the
lightness of a child , and felt no palpilu-
tion of heart or oppression of lung * ,
Later in the day she dressed to go out
upon ( ho street with me , and put on a
corset. " 1 do it in deference to llin
opinion of my friends , " nhe explained.
"L'hoy complain iff outrage their MMHU
of propriety by appearing without i n t ,
but 1 do penance all the time 1 wr-ar it. "
Wo started oil'at her iiMinl brisk pauu ,
but in a very lilllo while she uniil lo mo :
' 1 can't walk HO fast whmi I've a cornet
on. I can't breathe , you see , " And to
accommodate her diminished powers of
breathing wo slacked our pace , and rioon
she commenced to look wqary , her.
cheery laugh became lo s frequent , her
face began to wear an anxious look : her
vital capacity was lessened and her whole
system felt the olfoe.t of It. " 1 could 110-
conipllsh nothing -it nil , " said she , "if I
were to wear corset at my work. "
J asleda : young lady to sing for mo Ihe
other day , With some hesitation and
blushes she excused herself , .fisiyMWi .
"Really , J shall be obliged to ( Incline ; the
fact is , I am just breaking in a new corset -
sot , and it hurts mo so I can hardly live. "
"Why do you wear it Ihnn ? " "Ohl I'd '
look NO odd without u corisi t. "
To mo Kho would look far better , for I
could see that Imr lioullh was failing , her
cheeks paling , her nerves . /itun'lngjnr
Ilio vital breath of ( od'n punt air , winch
the corset' was shutting out of her lungs ,
"Wo girM are always ghul to undo our
corsets and draw a long breath nt night , "
said onu frank girl lo me. "Wo don'.t
wear them tight ; wo can put our Imuda
up under them always ; lint it dijojj.eoem
so good to gut them oil' and breathe just
as big as wo can. "
A Voice Sweet Only hi Banff ,
" 1 always thought Mr , To.'nor ' , of the
Philadelphia society , ha ? sucU u. lw.o
voice , " said CrimsonlM-ak , . , , . '
"Well , hasn't hov" inquired hla devoted ,
wif ( j
"No , indeed ; his voice ip very linf : > h.
Hit name into my ollh n In-lay In eolk-ct
u bill for his firm , aud 1 dun't tliijik J
ever heard u more common voice. "
