Nebraska Newspapers

    THE OMAHA JDATTi.Y B1310 , TUESDAY , OCTOBER 20 , 1885.
.SLOWLY GOING HEAVENWARD ,
Tlio Drcarj Manner of the Oonatrnction of
the 'Btato Capitol.
THE RAILROAD COMMISSION.
Wclmtor , Utc'Rnllroiul Attorney , Will
boVwhcd t < > UcHlgu His Hcnt In
tlio Council Other NewN
From thn CapitaL
rt'iiox TUB HEE'H T.moor.s Ituuwvir.l
Tliu building of the Btato cnpilol drags
ll slow length along. Four or five eonrlola
ohip la/lly nt the no ft llmeslono blocks ,
two or three other workmen Hiiporlntond
tlio structure , nnd altogether the work
progresses nlowcr than n United Blatca
building put up on thn most oxpennivo
plan. Kucli dhy scuma to bring lo light
Creator impcrfcctionn in llio building.
Viewed , nroh.U'cturally , llio .uxlorior
walls present a squatty nppwiranco. 'J'lio
combing of the roof , just ever the cor-
nioo , looks as though it did not belong
Uioro , and the emuns and dirty appear-
1411 co of the stones add to the
gcnor.il nnpcct of jobbery and corrup
tion around it. Inside there i.t no im-
provcmont. Entering the ovst : door euro
luus boon taken lest ono of the floor tiles
> , doefl not tip up in ltd bed and cause a
_ i full. The oak wood work is cheap look
ing , the joint.1) badly made , and the oilIng -
Ing of the wood nearly worn oil' . Ascend
ing the iron stairway lo tlio scroml
lloor ono must navigatu carefully lest the
differently inclined steps cause n los.s of
equilibrium. The landings urn impro
vised out of the stops and several of the
pieces of iron are placed together , form
ing at sample of the enliro building.
Thu building is settling and in the din'or-
eatroouiH hirge and unwholesome look
ing cnicks appear , over llio windows
and elsewhere , lu the east anil west
wings , which are finished , of course the
most radical imporfcotionu are covered
n ] ) with mortar and wood. The central
part and rotunda , llio portion now mi-
dor construction shows up in u glaring
manner the poor work and jobbery used
by the contractor.
Since the Ur.K mentioned the very
poor quality of the brick used for backIng -
Ing purpose , Home time ago , tlio contrac
tor has improved them slightly , but only
slightly. Looking from the second , floor
of the rotunda al the surrounding walls
ono may see the iron joi.sta supported on
pieces of wood wedged in under the
stone work. This is finally covered up
with thin layers of brick or mortar and
then everything appears : us solid a.s ada
mant. Tno reason for the misnlaeingof
the joists is that the workmen Tail to use
proper euro as to tlio height , to put thu
joists , and rather than take limn lo
undo llio work : md fix it nroiicrly , it i.s
patched up and lot go. With the ox-
coplion of the rotunda walls , whioh are
very heavy , there Beonia lo bo a lack of
solidity to the building. Oroatly more
thnii one-half of the work isdono by con
victs , They cut the Ktono at the peniten
tiary , they make the brick at the pimi-
tantiary , dozens of teams wend their way
through HID wtroots of Lincoln from the
penitentiary to the Btato capitol loaded
with stone and brick and driven and
loaded and unloaded by convicts.
Convicts make hay three or four miles
from ( iiu prit-on to feed the horses which
haul tlio material lo build the capitol of
Nebraska.
Kvory liltlo while the convicts get tired
of rendering pratuition.s service , and
they leisurely unhitched the horses from
the wagon and took themselves lo more
congenial surroundings. A hundred dollars
lars reward is immediately offered , but
if the horses are rucoYorml nnd they al
ways are , the matter is allowed to drop
anil nothing more ii heard.
Since August 1 there jhavn lieon seven
convicts escaped , and only one retaken.
Ono of thorn had a twnnty year .sentence.
l > nrin" the last session of the legislature
Mr. Stout asked gracious permission of
-the member * to lake the convicts to Ida
Louisville quarry , but after numerous
npotogio.s and expressions of sorrow ,
they refused to allow what Mr. Stout
wanted , greatly to that genial gentle
man's righteous indignation anil anger.
TIIK'JUII.HOAP COMMISSION.
The Nebraska railroad commission and
their clerks ( started yesterday on another
much-needed tour of relaxation and of
pleasure. In the parlance of the com
mittee , llio trip will bo nn "inspection"
of the Ncbrafka liuca of the Sioux City &
Pacllie system. Yesterday afternoon the
fhrco secretaries upon wiiom the great
burden of the onerous duties of the com-
Siiission devolves might be .seen walking
cloirly towards the on not , staggering un-
Cor llio Weight of lmmen.se foliou , car-
Sled along to take down for the
Cso of posterity the wise decisions of tlio
commission itself on railroads , their
equipment , management , stock yard
gates , * J > ; class of wind mills and pump
hari riis ! best adapted for station use , etc.
Their brown were furrowed with care ,
ns tlie three commissioners stood upon
the platform of a palace ear surveying
the ignoramus pnjmlamus which stood
with open months gazing with nwe upon
those gentlemen who.sa shoulders are
burdened with so much weight.
After the commission has viewed the
Sioux City it will come back to Lincoln ,
tend after resting snUiclently from thn
fatigue of the labor and tlio journey , will
limped ( he Missouri I'acillo , after which
A tliolr Inborn for IBS. ' ) will be linlshed ,
* 1 WII.I. 1IR AKKii : > TO ItKMHM.
A pelllion is about to bo circulated in
Lincoln requesting and demanding the
rcnignation of ,1. U Webster , a member
of tint city council from the Fourth ward.
People who pay tuxes are of the belief
that Mr. Webster has no right to act for
the Missouri 1'aeilie and us a member of
? ' the city council at the KIIIIIB timo. Ho is
4 * using every cllbrt in obtaining right of
way for it. and his membership in the
council helps him in the task , as it is the
body which grants llio streets and alleys
lo corporations. Inasmuch a.s the
city council In about to proceed in
this matter , nnd ns Mr. Webster will not
only liavo a vote , but will act a.s the
company's attorney on the lloor of the
meeting , tlioso taxpayers along the
streets where the road will run demand
Webster's resignation. A gentleman
living in the neighborliood said that if
Webster hail respect for the feelings of
the people who elected him to ollieo he
will surely resign , that is , provided ho
intended to continue lo act : us attorney
forthoMIh-iouri J'adlic. The men who
iirocirciihilingtho petition bay they are
determined that nonu-thlng shall come
ot it , and the proof i * certain that
he Is acting as attorney for the road as
bin name has been Mgne.l to a number of
ilomimont.s already in .such capacity.
The supreme court will reconvene to-
dnv. when the bushier of the Seventh
Judicial district will bo taken up. It is
Amorally understood tinning the nllor-
novs hero that the mandamus case of I lie
att'orney general againd the I'nrmuis'
am ! Mechanic * ' .Mutual Beueuiluit ANSO-
oiallon will In'decided in favor of the
rclulorand Ihtit rhc comuany will bo
callei ) upnii t'i do busme > i In IliN stnto
the i-'iiiH' a > .ill tin. ' re t of the life Insur
ance cou > i > iiii How fir ; the dcclNlim
Will ulHit deuun iury and swrut ,
Jnauranoo will nol b known
until the decision U rendered , which is
expected will bo in n day or two.
IHSTUtOT COmtT.
The district court convoncd voslerday
mor .ng. The civil docket isstlll recolv
ing the attention of tlio jury ; the criminal
cases will bo taken np next week. Out
side of his setting nj the pins for hlH
nomination Judge Mitohcll na.ibeeti kept
iiwiij fiom the scAslun on accnnnt of an
injury received about two week * ago.
While walking on the street tin slipped
and fell , striking on the back of his huad.
He is still MilTcring from the bruise.
TIIK NRW I'OSTIIA.HTKK.
Albert Walkinsof ( lie .Stalo Democrat ,
receivol notice yesterday afternoon that
ho had been appointed postmaster at.
Lincoln , and immediately after the telo-
tfram had been received , rumors of the
fact spread ever tlio city. Street poli-
'
tioinns gathered In group'-i and discussed
the appointment , some being in favm-of
it and others against it , The Miller men
were particularly bitter. John MnMuui-
al. leader of the Miller faction , WIIH par
ticularly bitter. As n . 'iilo the cil.i/.eiiH
fool that the appointment , is good , btith
republicans nnd democrats alike. The
republicans knowing that McHrldc. who
has been an acceptable olllcer would
have tto go , are as well xiilfcHud with
\Viitkui4 ns they uitu well bo undue the
clrctiniKlances.
< lAflH.
The ease now peniiing in the supreme
court , brought by J. Sterling Aiorton
against A. .Stevenson , to compel him as
comity clerk to insert In his election call
that of district judge , will be called up
to-day for hearing. A prominent , rail
road attorney yesterday rcqucnlcd the
attorneys for the relater , Weland &
Seymour , to penult him to assist them in
tint case , as ho said that ono of the judges
of thr supreme court told him that .fudgo
Miteholl should be represented in tlio
cuso : and that he understood that Judge
MnM > n would appear for him. This IH
railroad ussist.ince for Mitchell and
against the people of the district. Attor-
nev ( lonoral Leese has awked to bo heard
in behalf of Judge Mitchell.
t'mr .JOTS.
Tim first ice of the season in Lincoln
formed Sunday night.
The police broke into a room Sunday
night and caught a man and married
woman together. They were both ar
rested and will bo tried this morning.
Tliu vast amount , of building which is
being ; done in Lineo n at the present
time H a surprise to every one who visits
tlio city.
Grain buyers at this place say wheat is
sure to rUe , and they are making largo
purchases in autieipation of it.
The man , Miller , who sold a stolen
team to a horse dealer here named 1'oska ,
returned to the city yesterday and is now
under arrest.
MM. Francis Frederick , of l-Yooporl ,
Illinois , mother of fJuq Satmilers , of this
city , has arrived and will pay bur son u
visit. Mrs. Frederick is a very pleasant
lady and will make many f.ionils during
her stay , which it is hoped will bo quite
lengthy.
STATH AUUlVAr.S.
O. IJ. Kamsoy , K. C. Courtney. Omaha ;
O. Harm , Syracuse ; Win. Luso. Seward ;
S. 11. KonnuN. Courflaud ; (3. ( O. Heans ,
Firth ; U. 1-3. Spimler , Omaha ; Mrs. Fan
nie ( Jriswold , Fairmonnt ; Geo. Cramer ,
Omaha ; A. O. Steward , Seward ; I ) . A.
Fuliu'.r , Greenwood : C. W. Seymour , No-
brjLslta City ; Jno. Bonug , C.V. . Chowncs ,
Urcto.
A M KVliioh llaiilccrcd.
Detroit Frecl'ross : Yesterday forenoon
a farmer whoso wagon needed some re
pairs .stopped at a blacksmith shop on
Grand Hivnc avenue. lie had with him
: x dog almost as big jusaycarlingcalf.and
when the wagon was run into the shop
the dog was tied to a post near the door.
Hy-aud-by quite nJiUlo crowd gathered
to comment on his sixo and appearance ,
and along came : vn under-sized , common-
looking cur , and sat down about ten fool
away. It was then the big dog swelled
np and sent forth thunderous growls and
howls. Ho scratched the cartli. Ho do-
mantled blood. Ho tugged at his chain
with the strength of nn ox
"Don't anyone lot that 'ere dog loose ! "
cautioned the farmer ns ho came from
the back end of the shop.
"Sposon wo didr" quiriod ono of the
boys.
"Then ho'd lessen the number of dogs
in this town by fifty. "
The farmer wont away , and the big dog
continued to Uig and strain to get at the
little dog. The mttor didn't soaro worth
n cent. Ho sat there as if ho meant to
stay to dinner. Everybody was wishing
that the big dog would get loose , when
along came a man who stopped and
asked :
"What's the trouble ? "
"That big dog wants to got free. "
"Oh , he ffoosr Well I'll help him to. "
Ilo walked up to the post nnd cut the
rope , nnd the next instant the big dog
and little dog were so mixed up that one
could hardly separate them. lnt ! this
lasted only u minute. All at once the
big dog broke for the sidewalk and up
the street , and the little dog hung to his
hind leg for at least u hundred feet. The
farmer came out to HCO his Jumbo leg
ging it for tlio country , while tlio little
dog sat on the curbstone watching his
Ilight , am ) ho turned to the yelling crowd
and exclaimed :
. "What are you fools latlin at ! Didn't I
toll yo my dog wouldn't bo mean enough
to light anything lessor'n a panther. "
A Ulrd That I'rutootM tlio llolnileor.
Lieut. Selnyatka in Now York Times :
There is a bird that the Ksfpiiniau be
lieves deliberately iiroteeU thn reindeer
in certain ways. 'J his is the litllo "sols-
sors-tail" gull or tern of the Aiotic , that
is present in Kiioh largo numbers over all
the land near the seashores during llio
summer breeding season. If a pomm is
hunting anywhere near these localities at
this season he is always certain to bo fol
lowed by ono or two of these birds Hying
ill the air above his head and making
vicious plunges at him , which become
nearer and nearer ah ho approached their
nest. If ho upproaches very close to It
they will often strike him over the head
with their wings , screaming frantically
all the timo. 1 have frequently seen the
Esquimau hunters kill them with their
guns or their spears used as clubs , when
they made these dashes. As soon as u
person aits or lies down to rest , if he pays
no attention to them their attentions be
come more and more marked , until ho
will Iind his hat knocked oil' his head , if
he is wearing one , unless he hurls a Ktono
or strikes at them. This is exactly what
happens when a reindeer is sighted.
The hunter lying in wait in the
neighborhood of the animal's gra/ing
grounds limls a couple of scissors-tails
hovering over him. His impression Is
that they are dofciulinglhoir nest a quar
ter of a mile away by their attacks and
screachings. About the time the game
has nearly reached fair gun-shot these
norial posts be in their assaults at close
quarters , for tlio hunter , hugging the
grouni' closely behind a small stone or n
bunch of grass , dares not move a muscle
in opposition to the birds , anil these
open , noisy : us > > aull.s often putting the
wary deer on hi guard , ho troU away ,
to the utter di.-'guM of the Ivsquinmu , who
no\v turns hs [ attention to the gulU and
generally kilU one or two with stones by
way of rovungo before ho leaves the spot.
When n Tj tra * ilrk , we fi re hr Oaatorta ,
WLeu ilio n.-M a Child , ilia cried for CftslorU ,
\\Vi n the bocama ilu , the cluug to CutorU ,
\VJjcu * Uo Uwl C'UJikou , ihe U B tboiu OastorU ,
NOT SO ROSY IN THE ARMY ,
The Fntigua * , Dusoinforh&ud Privation ? of
a Soldier's Life.
Ilontinc Work nt ( tic r'tiintlciIVmti
Only llellcrcil by < Jcc Mlonul
I'loiisurcs jV Volcfnn.1 }
Advtoo lo
Men.
( Jen. James S. Hrishin in a re
cent letter from Fort. Niuhrura lo the
Ohica o Trihuno KIIJS :
What , do wo "do from lunrninj ; until
iiijjld. every day in thi > army ? hols of
things ; ami if you think it , N dull and
iillo to ho at frontier po < l just cdino out
and lot mo jnit you on duty for a day or
two. Take ti private soldier in the army ,
subject to all the rules and regulation ! *
of u military post .lu.sl. at daybreak and
when ho wants most to Hleop the earth
seeiiH to bo split open by a mighty boom
from tliu great gun on the parade-ground ,
and the buylcs call out merrily , "get up ,
soldier ; get up , soldier ; " and get tin ho
must , and bo lively about it , too , or the
sergeant will help him out of bed. It. is
not yet f ! o'clock , and to give him a good
apnelile for his breakfast the sergeant
will drill him for an hour. At G0 : ! ! conn's
the regular assembly , when you fall in
and aimwcr to your name at roll-call. At
< I.V : > sick-call will go , nnd if you fool very
bad and wirfh yourwlt at homo
with your mother you can go up lo the
hospital and the doctor will gito you a
pill. After that you can get Homo break-
last. At 7 : If ) fatigue call will be sounded
and you will bo turned out to work. At
8 : ! ) . " ) there is a guard mounting. If you
are not. for guard you can keep on work
ing until 11:15. : when recall will sound
ami yon can then come to dinner. Ono
hour and fifteen minutes is allowed for
dinner ami rest. At t p. m. fatigue call
will bo sounded again , anil you will go
nut lor nn afternoon's work , if J on are
not for drills. At 5 recall will go , and if
you are a cavalryman you must go down
to stables and feed and groom your horse
for ono hour. At , 0 you will got your
supper. Atsunset , you will fall in for
retreat and answer roll-call again.
Yon will probably bo drilled
for half an hour at the manual of arms ,
or attend : i dross parade ami bo run
nlioiil lo try your wind. After that you
can attend school for half an hour to an
hour , ami then collect on home and all
iti plc'isiircs until Si , when tattoo will
Hound and you will bo turned out for an
other roll-call. At ! ) : oJ taps will sound
ami you must then lie in bud , whether
you are .sleupy or not. Not a light is al
lowed in quarters after tap.s , and no talk
ing or moving about. If you nro not
.sleepy you can count ever m your mind
l.ooij'two or three tiiuc.s until you fall
asleep , or you may rolled wilently on the
greatness of your government. Next
morning you will again bo awakened
suddenly out of your aleop by the great
gun , to go through the same thing a.s the
Jay before.
The variations in your life will bo
when yon are detailed in the quarter-
'
ma.stor''rt department to drive u team of
six unruly mules all day loiig and take
care of them after night. No matter if
you do not know anything about , driv
ing team ; you must learn it. Hy-and-by
you will be detailed as company cook
and made to cook for iifty or sixty men ;
then you will bo put in the bakehoiiflo
and made lo learn bread-making. If you
uro handy with an ax , you will be sent
out to cut saw-logs , or wood , or attend at
thewiwmill. Should you have an aptness
for tools , the quartermaster will have you
detailed as a carpontor. and you must
build houses , stables , lay sidewalks ,
mend wagons , and do whatever you
uro sol lo do. If you do not do it
well , or grumble , they will arrest you ,
put you in the guard-house , prefer
charges against you for conduct to the
prejudice of good order and military
discipline , aim a court-martial will sit on
you , stop your pay for a mouth , tuid
order you to be worked under guard for
a month or two. If you are very otlicient
in a year or two you may get to bo a
Corporal , and the last year of your five
years' enlistment a Sergeant , but this
will not help you much , for you will have
all the more to do and the captain will
bo after you constantly. You will have
to bo constantly on tlio alert and olHeient
by day and by night , or j-oii will bo re
duced to the ranKH.
Till' OVKHWMlKEn OI-'l'JCEUS.
Hut the officers L hoar you say they
have a good , easy time of it , with nothing
to do but draw their pay. An otlicer is
constantly on duty with his men , and
that is sufficient answer. I have ollicers
who go out a.s soon as they get their
breakfasts , and are on the go : ill day
long. Thev have hardly lime to eattheir
meals. 'J'liki1 , for example , the target-
range oflioor. Shooting bugins as noon
as it is light enough to see a bull's-eye at
a hundred yards , and continues until
night shnus out the bull's-eye from wight.
'J'lio rdnge ollicor is on duly all day , and
u company ollicor for each company. As
there are generally only two ollicers , and
often only one , for liuty with tlui com
pany , you can readily see they have no
.sinecure. They must attend all drills ,
roll-calls , and parades , Add to this
boards of survey , court martial , oflieor
of the day , ami other duties , and they
are kept constantly on tlio go. All hay ,
wood , oat.s , and stores are received at
posts by boimUof officers.
I know very generally citi/ens think
fioldlors have an easy time of it in the
army , but. this arises from an ignorance
of the service and its duties. I liavo been
a sohool-teaeher , farmer , lawyer , editor ,
and various other things in my time , anil
I can say sincerely I never worked so
hard its I have had to do in the army.
When ono geU up lo bo a liuld-ollicor it is
not so hard , but oven then there is a
great deal to do , nnd for the captains ,
riculonant.s , and privates the work of a
soldier's life is simply prodigious. Pro
motion is very slow , and of all llio young
men who enter tlio army as pri vales only
about ono in ten over becomes a corporal
or sergeant.
OFK DAYS' AND iimnis.
And is there no light to this dark pic
ture of army life ? I hear you nay.
Yes ; army life ia not wholly without its
pleasures. When the day's work is done
and the evening comes on , the men criii
gather on the broad porches of their
quarters and laugh , and chat or play
games. They 'can go , too , to the post-
trader's and drink beer nnd iday pool or
billiards. They have also their tiny A on"
duly , when they can go on pass to the
neighboring village nnd liavo a good
time. They can get hunting passes and
go out hunting and fishing for a whole
week if they choose. They have base
ball clubs ami are allowed plav ball .Sun
day. Saturday afternoon is given to the
soldiers to clean up for Sunday morning
inspection , and , as the cleaning Decena
ry only takes an hour or HO , they liavo
mo-it of the afternoon to themselves.
They hnvu theatrical troupes , balls , and
parties , and are allowed to bo out of
quarters until iwclvo at night evenings
when there tire plays , dances , etc. , at
the post.
The olllcors liavo their weekly hops nl
the larger po.sts , dinner pailtos , social
games at cards , picnics and private the-
ntrical.s. They spend n good deal of
their time evenings nt the otlicors' clubroom -
room at the po.sl'trader's establishment ,
nnd play cards , billiard.1 ! or drink hour
There used to bu n great deal of gatnh
ling and drinking In the army but Unit is
, pretty much done away with , and it
| would bo hard to llnd u stuudior or uioro
quiet H l of men thr.fi' dftr .army
nt , frnnliov' PM-.IS. 'A'ftaniu ' ot IU-CIMI !
nnte or : i few gliH ; < cf pfi boor i.snbout the
oMi'iil of their dt.-Miiali/mi | ) .
A nit orwXnvtei : .
An army life is : i hard one. but it has
lli pleasures as well ntu1. hardships , : nul
those win * get into il'otxon'sHdom quit it ,
until old : igo retires them or death nniH-
tcr-i tlifiit out. \\tilild not ndvist a
V < iing tuaii to miter 'thu'nriiiy. I toll my
boys to gi't ti bil. of Iruid iud'inakc holuc-S
for tlictiu.'Uv . aiitL.KittMo down us Inm
ost. faniier.-i rather than follow soldier's
life ; and so I Would iulvlw others. To
be tossed about , from pKist to pillar and
never have- any settled-homo is the fate
of all soldiers , and. , this Is one of the
gn-al , disadvantages ( I the army. Wo
never know to-day whore wo will bo to
morrow. W are constantly expecting
orders , and arc often separated from our
families lot' inontlm and even
years til a lime. There ii nn un
rest , a constant expectation of dis
agreeable orders , a lack of homo ami
home interiMs , that to' most men Is in
tensely disagreeable. No mini in the
army is for oiio moment his own master ;
hit is continually subject to the orders of
his superiors. One says go and ho goethj
and another come and no cometli ; no
imitH'r how inclement , the season , no
matter how great the dlstaiico , how long
it may keep him , what reasons 'ho may
haviv for remaining at home a sick wife
or child is hardly an excuse for delaying
lo obey an order , and oven when hick
himself the soldier will often go on duty.
If he wcro a cili/.cn ho would go to bed ,
as a. soldier there is a pride about doing
bis duty which causes him to up anil
away.
t have not , spoken of the hard cam
paigns , but only of camp duty , nnd that
'
is hard enough' Hut oflen in thu dead of
winter , a.s w * all know , long campaigns
nro iMilerod upon and the soldier kept in
the Hold for mom hs with the thermome
ter ranging frequent ly UO and 10 degrees
below v.cro. A lied on the snow nnd ice ,
! i little bitter coll'ee , KOIUO hard-tack nnii
bacon , ami this until the skin is taken oil'
one's mouth and the teeth become IIKMII.
O , yi'M. a " ( ildicr's life in the American
army is a hard one , nnd if any person
doubts it let him conu. and try it for n
while and ho will soon Iind out his mis
take. I have often thought a soldier's
lifii WIIH singularly like that of the theat
rical nrofos'sion all tinsel and show be
fore the footlights , and all misery , pov
erty and discomfort behind them.
. - _ - .
1 f you want , n stove tun t will work properly -
porly and one which surpasses any stove
in the mnrkct in exterior design a'nd or
namentation , buy a Modern Hub Square
Art Stove. Sold' only by
MILTON Hociuts it SONS.
JOKERS INTHE CHAIR.
A Tjlttlo .Sport AVIth tlio Itarlier
\Vbcro Homo DTcu Ijove to Display
TliclrWItnmininkc Their lionst * .
Chicago Herald : "IVople have their
jokes , you know , and it is not. for mo to
discourage 'cm. No , sireo. 1 have al
ways noticed that wlicri fi man gels oil'a
joke that makes somebody laugh , or ho
gcU a 'sell' on some'fellow ' , it makes him
quite happy , no mailer how glum he was
before. His jpko may be a chestnut of
llio most ancient 6haraeter , but that
makes no dillcreneo'with me I always
laugh. I can afford to. ' because I liavo
fnrtlier observed tlnij ( wlujn a man thinks
lie's smart and euro and feels eomfort-
able generally ho is always quite liberal
to himself. That's , wliat wo want in
the shop , and I always .raise u laugh on
the slightest provopatioji. liiisincss is
Imsincsft , you know , , anil , I dou t. believe
in permitting tholawyers , preachers and
pri/.e-lighters to boitho only men in tlio
world to make their , living by their
mouths. < , , . .
" 'Harbor , ' says .a ( customer of mine
the other day , 'do you know why you re
mind mo of the barbers of the seven
teenth century1
' "No.'says I.
" 'Well , says he , 'its because you're
botli a shaver and a blood-letter. '
"Thou , ot course , I laughed. And than
bo did what no really .smart man will do
especially when sitting in a barbers'
chair ho laughed at his own joke. The
result was that my ri/.or : slipped and
gashed him ono in the clieok , and the
blood drizy.lcd into his man til und down
on his shirt front and vest. Of course 1
washed him ofl'tho best I could , and then
remarked , a.s innocently as 1 know how :
" 'Funny , that liltlo joke of yours. '
" 'Yes , ' says ho. 'rather funny , but not
jiny too d d funny. '
" 'Another customer of mine dropped
in for tlio lirst time in three weeks. Said
ho had been oil'in tlio country boarding
at a farm house , fishing in tlio Sj 1an
streams.
" 'Catch anything ? ' says I.
" 'Yes , ' says he , 'llio linosl strings of
fish over man set eyes on , '
" 'Anything else ? ' says I.
" 'Yes.says ho1 caught a bad cold. '
" ' else '
'Anything ?
" 'Yes ; a mild dose of malaria. '
" ' else '
'Anything ?
' "You bet , ' says he , loudly and proud
ly , so that everybody in the shop could
hear him if there's anything a man likes
to boast of it is wheedling a woman
you bet I caught something else the
heart of a fair country maiden , ono of
the sweetest crealures , so full of confi
dence , so simple , so free from nrtilico.
And such hair il was an earthly heaven
when she leaned her head upon my
shoulder nnd permitted her ringlets to
tickle my face. '
" 'Anything else ? '
" 'Yo well , no. I guess that's all ;
that's all I can think of. '
" 'Hut that ain't all ' I
, says , poking my
lingers through his hair to hi * scalp ,
'and' young man , you oan't deceive mo.
You nave been very indiscreet , very
unfortunate , but 1 feel it my duty to in
form you of your ill-luck. That innocent
country maid may l > o sweet enough , but
but. '
" 'I5nt what ? ' ho said excitedly , ' what
is it ? Tell mo all.1
" 'She may be very sweet , " I wont on ,
solomly , but loud enough for everybody
lo hoar and everybody was listening
'and if may have buon delightful to have
her nesllo nor head upon your shoulder.
1 dnro say it was nt the time , hut the ; best
thing you can do now , young man , is to
buy a tiottlo of my' celebrated cranial
Irrigator and Fortiltf.ur.1 It knocjcs nil.s
galley-west in three days , and It is only
$1 per bottle , with liberal discounl for
largo orders. ' ' '
' 'This ' subdued hhii so 'completely that
I had no trouble in sidling him three bottles
tles , and as ho woii sadly np stairs wo
saw him lake from Ifis | toi > ki'tL ook a look
of goldun hair and throw'it ' : > w.iy , which ,
1 take It. was a very | irud < Mit thing to do ,
as ho was married. ' I ; llke to see these
fresh men taken dinvn once in a while.
Some fellows seem to1 think that there is
a great deal of wit in' ' jolting the barber
about his ullo"d ; propJflsity to talk. 1
have been shaving for tWluity-sIx years ,
and this kind of middln-Aged wit is get
ting quite tiresome in my shop , The lat ,
time a sustomer made u sally in that di
rection at mo and it wan only yesterday
I says to him , says I ;
" 'i on are very witty to-day , but I can
sco from the shape of your forehead that
you liavo a sharp , quick brain. '
" ' .So my friends say , ' says he proudly ,
" 'Yes,11 continued'and I want you
to do mo u favor. Up at the other end of
the shop you see these two men playing
chess. Ulioy haven't said a word for
half an hour. They're stuck on a litllo
problem , and I want you to go and help
'em out I can tell by looking at you that
you have a great head for suoh things.1
" 'Certainly,1 says ho'but what kind
of a problem is it.1
" 'A cluMnut'says I.
"There wis another funny man in hero
the other day , and a man I don't want
eyur to slmvo tiguin. lie Is not H healthy ,
man. and besides that ho "drink'.i bad
v.'hNky and beer , and cats HinHctur
cf ! se and garlic , and you can imagine
that his breath is not pleasant. Ho began
lo tnlk of John ! , . Sullivan.
" 'Sullivnn may bo a great slugger , '
says he , 'but I knocked film out ouco.
Don't you believe it !
"Certainly , * juiya I.
" 'Well , it's a fact ; t knocked him out.
It. was a long slruggle , and Sullivan
stood up before mo for thirteen rounds ,
lint , in Ilie fourteenth he wont. down. I
was behind the bar and ho in front of it ,
and when ho wont down I had my hands
np preparing hi.s drink for the next
round. Catch on ? '
fj"'Certainly , ' says I , 'and 1 bellevo
every word of it. 1 don't believe there's
u man living that could stand before yet
t en minuli/H. unless he knocked the
breath nut of you early in the light. 1
begin to fed u liltlo faint myself. '
"One of my gambler frleiids was in the
other day that is , he nsod to bo again-
l > li r over on ( Mark street , hut now ho
pretends to be doing something else ,
" 'Harbor'says ho , 'you ana t are in
about tlio same kind of business
now. '
" 'What , do you mean ? ' says T.
" 'Why'says he , 'my partner nnd I
liavo gone into a new business. Wo
have bought n tannery , and are now
engaged In hiking the hair oft'of
hides. '
" 'Oh , that's nothing new for you , '
" " 1 , 'yon always did run ; i .skin
" 'By the way , there is a new fake in
town. A barber shop is a great place to
catch onto new things. If a man gets a
new wife , a now baby , a new hut , new
boots , a new boil on his neck , n new joki
or a newism , we are pretty sure to heai
of it almost , as quick a.s anybody. Tin
now fake 1 speak of takes two men t (
work it. They go into a barber niton , 01
ti saloon , or iv restaurant , but they don't
nppoar to notice ono another or bo ac
quainted at all. One of them pays his
bill and then disputes about , the change ,
llo declares ho handed you n $ M > ill ,
when it was only $1. While YOU arc dis
puting about it thn other one comes up
nnd Is surprised to meet , his pal. The
newcomer affects an air of dignity and
indiU'civnoo , you know , ami says he
knows nothing about the merits ( if ( lie
case , but ho docs know the man has
known him for years , and , of course ,
ocrlilios to iiisgood character. 1'hey
tried the game on mo ono evening last
week.
" 'lie must lu > rignt , ' say.s the confed
erate'foi is a very careful man. I
have known him ten years and hu is as
honesl a.s the day is long. '
" 'That's all right , my friend. ' says T ,
'but it is considerably after ( lark now.
iioth of you had better hurry home or
you may getcaiighl out by a .storm or a
policeman. '
"That was good advice , won't it ? I
always believe in giving a man good ad
vice , oven if 1 don't give him anything
else. 1 notice that is about the way with
most men. The other day ono of my old
customers was in hero and was feeling
pretty badly broke up. He had failed in
business and hi.s allairs had gonototho
bad generally. '
' 'Uurbcr , ' said ho , ' and bo WIIH a
young mantoo , 'I can see nothing bright
in lite. I mil utterly discouraged. I no-
liovn 1 will go into llio counlry and Iind
a masculine nunnery into which 1 may
got myself. '
" 'Uon'ldo anything'of the sort , my
boy , ' says I. ' ( iettlieoto some country
saw mill , where yon can got. > JJ a day and
board , and a chancu lo marry the 'boss'
daughter. ' "
25 YEAJR8 lt i 13 SE.
The Greatest g e TrlniugU of Ihe Agot
SYMPTOMS OF A
XiORiofuppollto. JioweltscnntlTo , 1'nin In
the licnil , wllii it dull BoiiBiuiou in llio
Emclc part , 1'iiia under tlio nhoulilcr-
liln U > , Fnllncoa after cattnz , with adln *
Inclination ro oxartloii of lioily unnlnil.
Irritability of tompcrtliorrnplrltn , with
itfeollugof luaTlBB BOulootoU HomoUiity ,
Woiu-iiKDia , Blr-aiDCM , Iflutrorlnir nt tlio
Hciirt. Data bafrratlio CFPB , Ilcnilucho
ever tlio rleltt cro , IloBilcsiinoM , vrith
Otfaldranma , Highly colored Urine , nnii
CONSTIPATION.
TtTZT'S lfil.E.nar especially adapted
to sucU oiuraa , ouo dosa uiruvts sncli a
They Iwrwuw Sk AptictUe.nml CAU.IO tlio
* T to VnkB * m flo fi , tlnn ( tin ajrptcm In
ouriolie4.M4 l > .r ilu'lr 1'onlo Action on
Ilia Ixxljr , inakv.t li.vUthy . fle.sti ,
siren uttitiM thi vti.it , nipairs IHO wastes ot
the BJ-fitoin with piiro lilncxl nnj linrrt inuselo ;
tonen tlio nnrvoiu system , invieromtcs the
brain , nnd liiip-irt * tlio vigor ol ! manhood.
pi. Bnl'l hr rintireists.
O1WIUS niurraySt. , Now York.
liOliT. II. DUNCAN. M.iX : WAMMCB
Tolo | > lumo4t9
DUNCAN & WALLACE ,
Plumbs , Steam and Gas Fitters
STIAM : UKATIXO A RI KCIAI.TV.
Tfttmiiit.irurnl4li ) < < < l , or will mil purwmnlly.
AKuntH lor tin ) Iinmirlnl ( ins Mlichlno. ' . 'Itlmi.l
18 S. UHli Hi. . Oiimlm. Nob.
W. F. STOETZEL ,
Una proven to Boll tlid Itoat
Howard St. , Bet. 16th and 17ti ! ,
Iluvlns no roat to pay I liavo greatly rounco 1
my jirlccs.
Mendelssohn & Fisher ,
-AND-
JI. lt. SHANK. Superlnteiidoiit
P7BOYER & Ob7
im.U.L'IIBIN
Hall'sSafe5VaulisJimeoaoks ' ,
and Jail Work ,
10 I'ariiiimStrcct , Omaha , Neb
NOTK'i : .
Fciilcd protMiinlx wllltin rocolviHl nt thn onicu
ol the ( Tlilof Hiitfincor , Union I'nulllu ruilvuiy ,
Oiniilni , until Wiiliuisiluy iivimlnir , Uvtnlmr : . ' ' ,
lor tlio ( irtulliiir , Muwiiry , llrid ln nail ' 1'mrk-
liiyintfur llio MHiilutUiin A. Illuo Viillcy i-iillnnul ,
from ( iiirrl.xm to Miirynvillo , Ivitiifin , anil aUo
ulxjiit I'lin-on it ) iiilit'-iuf rou I In Neliriuitii
PllllO < . | lltlll lllll ( hllUClllfllllolIN Cllll IKI K'UII
iiiul rurllicr inl'oriiiullun obtiiliiui ] lit tlio C'lnuf
Jin liU'Ci'V ( illli'C. Onmliii.
J. JiucKK.VKDC'imt. S. It , CM.r.\\v ,
CUlul' iiuxluwr , Ucaurul
MOST PERFECT MADE 11 ' -31
H'l
The United Stages Government
I3lnoou ] " ! > r. Prlro's n.t ih. lunid of the oniiro list.
( Boo UATIONAI , Ho.ui > ot1 ilii.vi.Tii DUI.LUVIV J-j- ? i > lcmcnl fi'o. V , jwi/ii3" > , V/uslilngton , D.O4
Placed ] ) r. Prico'H a.t the hond of the entire list.
mutit ) , C
It it ; the pnvonfc ; iud citrongc-st. Free .from Aininouin ,
free from Lhno , Jno ! ; from Alum , mid it : rodommonclod for
l family uno by the Honda of the Great Univorai-
ii a.ad Public Food
cLlin truthfulness of this can write any of thoChemtsU n.iinnl :
Prof. U. OlIDKN1 DOHKMUH , M. I ) . . L. L. D. , Uelleviio Moduli College , Xo\v Ymle.
Prof. II. (1. WI11TK. .Stale Chemist , University ( ieorcln , Athens , ( in.
Prof. It. (1. KJjDXIK. l.alo President Slate Pimnl of Health , Luiisinir , Mich.
Prof. H. St. SOIIKI-'l' - ' ' ! ' ! ! ! , Annlytlcal Ohemist , SI. LotiK JIo.
Prof. ( JiIAUUW H. DWIUIl'l1. Analytlcnl C'heinM , Wliccllitj } , W. Va.
Trof. JAM US J'11 MJdOtJK , SSato Assayer , UnMoii , Mass.
Dr. Kf.TAS II. JJAUTLKV. H. . ' ! . , Chemist to I ho Dep'tot Health. llUKiklyn. X. V.
Pref. OUUTIS (1. UOVMliD , U. Sc. , .Sturllni ; Medical Collide , Coluiiihiis , ( ) hio.
1'iof. M. DKLKONTAINU , Aimlytlcal ( 'lieniNt , Chicago. III.
Trof. 1 ! . N. ( ! . PATON" . L-l : Clu-niNt lleulth Dimartiiient , Clilcnp , 111.
Prof. lOHT'T ' M. < ) IM\v AY , Jlass. ruslltntoof TitiliiioloKV , Itoslon. "
Pref. It. A. WlTi'HAlW , A. Af. , M. D. , Unlvoi-slty of J5nfiil. ! . , K. lr.
I 'rof. A. II. SAIJIM , SUite dhennst , llnrlhwlon. VI.
I1'rof . JOHN" BOHLANDKIl , .Ir. , A. aM. , X. 1) . . IM of. Chcintslry and Toxlcoloy ; ,
llouo Aredlcinn and Sniwcrj'i Olncliiiiiill , O.
s.AUSKN'.fc V/irinKUl nN.clieniNlrvKiiu'erHCollercXowHninswlek.rT.J. ( ( i
Prof. C5K01W5K 15. 11AKKKI5 , J'rof. Cheiuiht'iy University ot Penasylviiiila , Phlla-
diilpliin , Pu.
Prof PETKU OOIJ.rF.n , Chief Chemist for the United Stales Depart lacnl of Afrl.
.culture , Wnshliiirton , 1) ) . .0. . _ .
CHARLES SBTVERICK ,
UPHOLSTERY AND DRAPERIES ,
Pnsscnsor olernlor to nil floors. 12tW. 1208 and 1-13 Fnrniuu Street
OMAHA , NI511JIASKA.
TO 3
Commencing to give away Wntorburry Watches , from October 1st until Janua
ry 1st , to ovary purchaser of $15 worth of goods.
ELGOTTER'S HAHHOTH CLOTHING HOUSE ,
1001 l-'ariiam Street. , Corner oflOlh.
.H AND nr.TAn.
-AND
STEIN WAY , WKI5KR. AND IIA INKS'
Diamonds , Silverware and Jewelry.
IN LAHGK VAH1KTY" .
COH. )5lli ) AN DDODGE , OPP. PQSTOFFICE
1S5G1.
1S5G1."t
"t
Kfltliimlos rurnUhuil on
and 1411 Doflgo Strsat , OMAHA , NEBRASKA ,
Tito fsme of vSeltsg ! ? Oootls b Qmaha , at and below est , has
Passed Aysay , ExGOpf aS
r
Laxl
And I would not Cut Prices down to less than
COST , for
But simply do so to hasten tlio closing out of
my stock that I may the sooner retire from
business. My stock still contains
WVItTH WATC'ttSDS.
Worth from $3.7.1 to $1V ) ; Shawl Tins from 2.'io to f.0' | ) , Mar Hin' i from .Mo to ? S
00 ; liracelel from KJc tofl. . ' . " ) ; ( 'lock from T..C to510 , ( innts Chain * from -Tic to $ 'J3 ;
Ladies' Chain from $ ! to 'f ID ; Slrnvr Hnltuns from i-'x ; to $1 J. .Snarf I'm * from \M \ to
$ ir > ; ( iold Kin ; ; fnmi .U'c lo $ M. ( jold In-tided mil" * rum $ I lo $ .21) .
AlsoKogeiV .sjlverwar.i > , Sju-ctiicl.- * . , etc , nt h ij' jjrico
IMiiHbu caJl ami lake adviint.igu of thin oj jxirtunil ) ' at C'oi of J"U and Umi < la .