s , * OMAHA DAILY BBK HSATQRDAi , APttIL 5. 1351 , [ SUHPAIUNO" ASP ISFAI.T.ini.K { ' Spasm , Fnlllng . „ , , _ _ Sickness Convul sions , St. Vltus Dnnco , Alcoholism , Onam ! Eating , Seminal Weakness , Impotency - potency , avrblH'i Scrofula , n n cl n 11 < Nervous nnd Blood Diseases. K5 To Clcrpyn"1 ! lawyers , Ltlcrnry Men , Merchants , Bankers , Lndlcs nnd nil whoso Nervous I ros- eedcninrv cmpovmcnl ! causes trfttlon,7rreeilarltlcsof { the blood. Btomach , bowels or Kleiners , or who requireinncrvo tonic , appetizer01 Bllmulcnt,6aw < mta JVrr- tint Isfnvaluabio.M. . . U smM V. 'Thousnnils proclaim It the most wonderful l" igor- nnt that ever sustaln- ed n sinking system. C1.GO , at Druggists. MEDICAL CO. , I notnrs. SI. Joseph. Mft- ' " " 3t 5' < i fffntimo-1" nnfi Lcrd , Stoutcnburgh A. Co.'A cnti , Eoff's ' Malt F-xtract Job , - , THE GREAT NUTRITINE TUNJO 1 GRTTHEOKNUINK. nifbly recommcniloil by the Medical Trolos- dfon In all muting ells- oac > , such M CotuniniiilloD. aonorol DoMtlty , Nrrvnuincu , D ipcpilx Ii not a medicine , but Ann'rltlvo food , bunding up the ryitcm liy It * own tonlo jiowcn , and by It * aid In Astlmllktlng Ml other food , lion are ol counterfeits , The gonu- inots nlway put up In stjlo of hottlo us In cut , and bean the immo cf Tarrnnt & Co. , Sole Agents far the Unl ted States nnd BrltUli I'rovlnooi of North Aincr lc , 'i78 OreowIJi St. , N , T. Price 81.00 wer iloz. ipm otri jo Jjjum-opuij otrj trrrmU : ) OUOH5 ] own ; gjomp [ Itv "opim ) > oinil pint i q oq ) [ ooavq oj , Saixpms tnitjjna imn jpMtJim KWnpOJj PJTOM. Bin OJOTClpJ 1 0 < I Otf ) IIIOJJ oprra pin unil X [ ino [ qB j pavjq unq ra < x > i | ) i 'aurU9)piDi to eXvp otratri uj. otn oj i } jrirnx arop mv ' [ pMcri HWTOH BJratf tto0 Xq rapi inM 'osotqoji una.ma nag g.ipiurOTia aapronn mrij pnno ; oqg jood j M8 oq > 01 IPJA mq jo n ' "wo/r , J I JDn | 'noiXiraoji POJ jV [ jo tpjoia q uj 'aatTY 'wjaSuip pojrul , Xu9V > irqx poisjjo JOAO oosvqo } jrxi otn Xiqinon nl > nn | pun ojrnd Xp ) l ox ] * B | "grasp BjJOJOdara oqj nj Pen > IT onni eqj ntaij epsm nj oonqox Jfirpioms nroqjna nna B.n 3p ia Tuioafl fni IBinB om sapq IT ) urnorro WON jo lion rnptoo < n " 1 UMoaa ooovn.0 } jmi maij mm -on nj rain J XlT"pxI opmn OJSM lunsp B jaisilrasi otrj sioa pjojuonJM < I 'eanp aid ppioo pxo | aqi HJU ; O jrano oqi Xnzo noofcKltji vrno'i jcxnxlma etji WOODBRTDGE BROS , , 215 OPERA HOUSE , C3 OMAUA , NEB. Sole Agonta for \Vorld-Ronowned * STECK , Decker & Son , and Hallott & Ounston Pianos. Also manuf&oturora and wholesale dealers in ' Ops and Musical MerchaoJIse , for Price * . PEB VENTIV13 AND CURE. FOE EITHER BEX. The remedy bolnc Injected directly to the Boat of the dlseaeo , requires DO ohango of diet or nauooous , tnercurial or poisonous medlcmo * to bo taken In tor- nally. When Uicd 04 a proventlvo by either eox , Ills i , niposslblo tu contract tiny private df < e.-wc ; but in tlin S . . cAao of these already unfortunately ainirtcJ wo guir. ' intoetluco boxes to euro , or wo will rotund the mont - t oy. Price by null , postage p U$2. per box or threr boiw for 15. 15.WlllTTEN WlllTTEN GUARANTEES Issued by all authorlicd agents. Q Dr FelixLeBrun&Co. SOLE PRUPRIETORS O K Qoodnun. Drugglit Solo ARcnt , for Omaha cb. ro&o wjy Dn 1' UWBIC'H NKHVK AKD lltiAix THE HE- ! , u cnarnntoixl epuciUo for Hyetprla , noss. CouTiilsloiiB , ViU , NorvouH Nournlgio , UcaUAcho , Norvoua Frostmtlnucuuacil bytnnnee of aloohol ortubaoco , V/nlnfulneea : , Mental lie. rroBtiiuu , Bof tonins of tbo llnilu JTMiltinif in in ennity nnd lunditif ; to rnicry > dcrny ntid di'nth , Premature Old Agn , Ilurrcnncea , LOKS of powoi in either eor. InvuUuiUry I/ware mill tipornint crrhcca cauwubyuTcr-oxurtlon nt tlinb rain , golf. ebutuor oTor-ludulRonuu. liach box contnint imo month's troatrunnt. iUU a bux.ur mx l > zoi if ori54XBortl-innU ) prcpuulun receipt of price WK bUAiiATrnu : KIX JIOXI'.N I'o euro any c-tuo. V/UU each ordrrroooivea nyr t for RS boxetp. Jiccompmilwl with KUftJ , wo will eend the jmrrluu-wr cur writtiiu Kiiaractpo to ro- fuuiltha niout-y if the tmitmnut uooonotoluici euro , ( iiiiirnnteiv ) iHsu'xioninny O. f , OOODMANN , DrugeUt AKtnti for Om tfeb. . S , H ATWOOD , Plattsnioufch , . . . . . Neli BXIADBIt Or TflOROCOUbKHD AVU HIOU OElpI HEREFORD AND JERSEY CAHLE Airp PDKOO OK JUIIT RIP IWIKI 6VTounz ttoolc for dale. ( Virreipnndenre tollolUd ST , LOUIS PAPER WAREHOUSE , Graham Paper Co. , S17 aod zl > North Main Ut , Bt. Loult , WHOLB8ALK DKALE11S IN , OABD BOABO A.rlD PRINTER'S STOCK Jtf fttb , W for Hi tr of ftll DUFHEHE& MENDELSOHN. ARCHITECTS 9 | OMAUA. NATIONAI , BA BUILDING. 4 Horrors. down the pictnrcJ , JnstnR ! ofT the wnll - "Not nt homo this morning" Should thcro bo n call. Tonst nnd eggn for bronkfast Things tiirnod upsldo down- ' Wlfo nnd clrls nnwlng ] Husband skips for town. Taldnp up the carnets Tacks nnd dust for lunch Boy , for asking questions , GoU from ma n punch , Wnshtng oT ( the windows- Doors nil open wldo Slio with pall nnd dust pan Used to bo my brldo. No fire In the furnace Iloll goes on n ring "Cleaning homo to-day , m'm TJrst day of the spring. " t A doctor calling Wlfo done up In bod. Husband ficooU for drug store ; Clerk asks who Is dead. Night reporter's I torn : "Coroner had n ring 1'or n 'still' found floating 1'lrst ono of the spring. Verdict of the jury Voroman , sly old niouso "Suicide from torment , Caused by cleaning house. " { Chlciigo Herald. IIONEY Toil When the \vlnd blows great Rims It plays avoo with ladles' bangs , " 1'inpor nulls caraood , price $25 nnd up. arils. Is the sign of a Philadelphia artist. Girls who haven't yet taken advantage of i.ip year Imvo resolved that It gives them the riviloge of proposing for the ico-cronm. Bonnets grow from microscopic dimensions i eccentric shapes and enormous size , nnd ion suddenly become smaller than over. Professional beauties nro said to bo going ut of fashion in Knplnnd. The advent of the .mnrlcnn bonuty hni driven .them out of the narkot. ASPhllndolphlan has discovered that n wealth of nunny , poldon hnlr" changes to an nmtstakable rod in color about six months 'tor marriage. A busy domestic scone : Girl in the parlor utttng down tarpots , mother in the kitchen utting down poaches , and little boy in the antry putting down jam. Ladles who never owned ono now go Into roxvdod drug stores nnd sny "Pleaso glvo mo wonty-flvo cents worth of camphor to pnck way my sealskin eaciiuo in , " A St. Paul girl is so thin that her lover lias o take two turns around her with his arms ofore she can enjoy merely nvcravo comfort rom a hug. [ Bismarck Tribune. When n Sioux City clrl wants her feller to 0 homo she lets down nor back hair. A Bur- ngtou girl's generally comes down by that mo , nnywny. [ Burlington Free Press. A Georgia girl la seven foot high. When or lover wishes to whisper burning words of iloctlon in her oar ho Is obliged to use a stop- iddor and a balancing polo. [ Bismarck "Vlbune. In Wurtomborg girls are not allowed to anco round duncoi until they are sixteen ears old. How nlcol They are just the right ? e then to begin to want to. [ Burllngtuu 'roo Press. When a Boston girl desires to shako a lover 10 says : "You will greatly oblige rae by making your exit. " In Montana , whore hu- uago Is scnro , the girl simply points to the oor nnd says : "GUI" A Dallas , Texas , man has lo t three daugh- ers by elopement this winter. Ho looks so atlsfind with himself that the girh are begin- tug to suspect that ho furnished the rope lad- era himself.- [ Philadelphia Call. "Pink Dinners" have now taken the place : "blue ones" In Now York't fashionable rclos. Everything in the room is pink , and 10 favors include a horn of plenty to which k ty pink streamers are attached. Tbo bans has fallen into disfavor among the ushtonablo ladles , They never know the real IdeousnoBB of the thing until it was adopted y the giddy young men who sharpen their ooth on cnno heads and umbrella handles. Sealskin socquos should bo very reasonable n price next season. Ono vessel has just nr- ved at St. Johns , N. Ii\ , with 28,000 seals aught within five days , and reports that two ther vessels with 55,000 moro are following. "And do your workmen , " asked a London Isltor of n Lancashire mill owner , "do your rorkmeu really llvo in those hovels ? " "Cor- .oinly not , " replied the master. "They only oep there. They llvo in myf.mlll.-Tho [ 'ontomporary ' Review. "No , " said a fond mother , speaking proudly [ her twonty-fivo-yoar-old daughter ; "no , lary isn't old enough to marry yet. She rles whenever nuy ono scolds her , and until lie becomes hardened enough to talk back , igorously , she isn't fit for a wife. " Gray Is to bo the fashionable travelling Irnss for Indies this SJ.IHOJI , cither of cloth or mo woolen goods. All the various _ tint * will > o worn , from the very lightest tint to the ark stono-gray. Thny willbo made plainly nd tight-fitting , with jackets of the same material. No Norwegian girl is permitted to have a ioau until nho can bake bread , and the coneo- uenco is lhat she is en adept in that ruliuury nt long before eho masters tha arts of dane ng , painting frightful looking objects ou ilnnues , and spoiling brass by hammering it , [ Norrlstown Herald. At what Idioov will the frivolous female mind hoaituto ? Shallow girls iu Chicago are wearing wlirs in imitation of Kllon Terry's ilondo frizrcs , nud ono dealer says ho has Bold 127 of them already. In order to wear the vlgs properly the wearer's natural hair must jo partly or entirely removed , Ho wns just ou the point of proposing aud she , with a palpitating heart , was straining ler ear to catch the words she no longed to ioir when a llttlo inousu ran acrcus the floor. 'Did she scream or faint ? ' * you ask. Oh , no , goutlo inquirer , she old not. She paid no at- .outiun to the mouse. [ 1'hlladelphla Call. "And ao you are cngngcd to Mr. l'l p- doodle ! " said Kclith to her dear friend , Marie. "Yes. " said Marie , enthusiastically , "and he's a perfect gem of a man.1' "Is ho a lawyer , ihyslciau or merchant ? What is his busl. iobs ? " "Oh , he's not doiuv anything now , jut ho blown on the harmonlcou beautifully. " It i the custom for an Athenian girl to wear on her head all the money vho posses in order ; hat nny young man desiring to marry her may know ho\v much her dowry Is. It Ik dif ferent In this country. It U the custom for nil American girl to marry her young man and then wear all of his money on bur head , [ Cliicago Hun. Many brides will not Imvo plain gold bands for wcddlii | { ring * , as a now fashion is coming Iu iu thufcO circlets. Narrow bunds of gold , \vithsimtU diamonds aud rubles set deeply ; others Imitating ivy nnd oak loaves In precious itoniMj , and rows of rmall pearls mingled with diamonds are used for wedding rings. Btyllah ladles are wearing llttlo gold-framed mirrors and gold kunpurooa on their waUh. dining. And unw when a fashionable dude Ii talking with a pretty girl he In afraid to say , "What a malty Icaumroo you have on jour WAtch-chattil" { for fear tlmt ulio will reply. "Oh , 110 , iudnad ) tint Is only a llttlo mirror , " Burlington 1'roo Press , Parasols proper urejdalntlor than over , and show otto or two new ehaoj [ of dlstliiUuUhed beauty. Of this class is " 1'lie Star , " Iis canopy it formed by two squares to placed Hut tno corners of the upper deuend over the fctralght bldoa of the undur , which ii of plain twilled silk to form the lining , Kach of the eight points is trlmuin.l vlth wlda Pompa dour lace , ms.kli > g double ftutooni. These coma In plain ur broo&do Halt u , and some of One pictured I'rmich cretonne are quite as attract ive as nuy of the nntlu affairs uud juit us ole- gnutly riuUhed. la black satiu , lined with III to or twllleif cllktf , or Iu white satin , richly embroidered , these nre exqultlte. Color Is agog from the tojia of our paraiol * tothatoAu of our HtoikUKa aud with uuch a beautiful , ttudy In chrouiaUw an Buir'a cor- tier wlnduw g.tve to ull the putlog throngi last wouk la tha hosiery dlenlny > , oue dare not talk about the toi < kings tint respect them. K'lvoj i , Having i > nly toiulicr tnifB or delicate I djci. Blocking * are as much a law unto themselves sa thn fancies of thn womnu who I uotr them , and their beauty WM never o en- ( tlcinjf CM thla toason , Piioca ire low , too , 1 oven for the fluent ilk hona , though oue hard. I ly think * * f prltos in the jircseuco of * uch bounty ns some of these Blockings show , nay , for inttanco , thuso with pale blue Instep' , molting so languidly into the mystery of the black web tlmt forms the main part of the stocking , coming up like n llttlo sanrlal about the foot nnd joining tha ted where the drsnmy blue caroMcs them undur llttlo notches like the cirri of a .Tune sky , Each season ndds n newer grace nnd per- foot ion to mnwols nnd nmbrelUs. Ono nf Lhoj-o new /natures in both Is the patent ftpring-nctln ) ; catch for holding the pnra'ol or umbrella open or cloned The old wire spring , nn enemy to glove * and patience nnd generally out of order when most needed , belongs to the | ) Mt. The sticks nro made of the Wolchsell the German cherrywoodAfrican bamboo , | ialm fibre nnd other woods taught to grow when green Into fantastic shapes , curling ten drils , uplked roots and largo tings which ore convenient for the wrists ; box-wood , which Is stained nf n dark color nnd carved In relief , nnd white holly treated in the same manner , ongrnvod on the polished whlto surfnco with block Incised Hunt , Other sticks nro fashioned to rocolvo the decoration * nt the handle of knobs of Doulton wnro , very much llko Scotch agates. Homo of the balls that complete ban dies are of sterling diver In filigree decorated with gold butterllloi and flowers In relief. A FABlilimnlilo I'cnllcnt. Don't you think that my row suit Is stylish ? You sea It's the titio Lenten gray , Lou's Is black , but I think this bettor ; Moro appropriate , too , ovcry way. Then just look nt the llttlo nun's bonnet , With nlmost no trimming , you see ; And the chatelaine with prayer book hung on It , I think It's as cute as can bo. You know It's thu latest French fashion To dross very plainly in Lent , And lay aside jowoli nnd lace , To show your religious Intent. 3o I tnado up my mind that this season , 1'or a clnngo , I'd beery devout , But that church twice a day Is fatiguing I shall Uud ere Loiit'H over , no doubt. It isn't the afternoon service But getting up onrly , I mind. 31111 , tno girls nro nil going to do it , And I don's wnut to bo loft behind. DcMiles , the now curate Is charming ; His reading is perfectly sweet , l'"nnny Harris Is silly about him That girl has no end of conceit ! Why , she really thinks ho ndmlres her ; So she goes In for church work , you know ; That's why she's so awfully pious Good-bye , If you really must go. [ Airs. M. P. Handy in Hamper's Bazar , RELIGIOUS. A colored Salvation Army has oslegod Chnrlotto , S. 0. Good Friday on the llth and Easter Sunday on tua 13th ot April , The revised version of the Old Testament will bo Issued complete in September. A carload of Mormon converts loft Knox- vlllo , Tomi. , early lost week for Utah. Ohio has COi Presbyterian churches ; Illi nois , 47i ! ; Minnesota , a now etnto , compara tively , has 211. Mr. Spurgoon has just fallen heir to n largo 'ortuno loft by the late Joseph Pool , of Lei cester , England , Moody and Sankey are reported to be labor- > ng with great success among the poorer classes of London. The Colleglato Iloformed church in Now York , founded iu 1G2R , is the oldest occleslan- , lcal corporation in the United States. Three now bMiopa will probably bo elected > y the Methodist General Conference to moot n Phllndoluhta on May 1 , mid Chancellor Vincent , of Chnutauqua University , nud Dr. tfindo , of the Northwestern University , are named as prominent candidate * . Of 103 Congregational churches iu Wiscon sin , HO have 100 members cr more , whllo 70 : hurho3 Imvo Ices tluin 25 member * . The Baptlets of that state nre almost exactly equal : o the Congregutlonalists In numbers , and also n the rel.itiva strength of the churches. In tha revival meetings of St. Louis , con- iluctod by llov. Thomas Harrison , there have been 1,020 conversion * . A jubilee meeting was hold last week , at which Bishop Bowman nnd BUhopa Hnrgiovo , of Nashville , nnd Porker ker , of Now Orleans , were prcaeut and rnudo addresser. The frco church experiment is being tried pretty widely by the Episcopal churches of Boston. Of the twenty-two churches and chapels in that city , thirteen ore "free , " and In the dioroto more than half are "free. " Of eight new buildings converted or opened dur ing the post year , ull but one nro "freo. " ThoEnglMi Baptist Handbook for 1F81 reports ; 2,693 churches. 3,738 chapels , 1,039 pastors in charge , SO 1.80members , 437,187 Sunday school scholnrs. Thu number of churches has decreased In the past ten years , though the number of chapels has Increased from 3,172 to 3,738. During the same period the increase in Sunday scholars has been 100- 000. 000.Tho The Protestant churches nre represented to bo making rapid headway with religious work in Mexico. The Presbyterians have 53 ml - nlonarlcH , over 7,010 communicants , and -100 children In their mission schools. The Epis copalians report 45 places of worship , 1,500 communicants nnd 400 scholar * in tholr mis- nlon rchools ; the Methodists have 80 mis sionaries nnd teachers , and n largo number r-l members in their churches , nnd other do- nomiuatl'iDs nro meeting with equal success. MUSICAli AND DRAMATIC. "Bollmon'Ms to bo tha title of Suppa's next operetta , P.ttti say s she will sing only ono more year in public. Mrs. Langtry will open nt MoVlcker's EaS' tor Monday In "A Wife's Peril. " NiUton nnd Sembtlch both pay that they nro uncertain about coming buck to Amoiica next season. Mine. Thee will make another tour of thu United SUtoa under the management nf Mr. Gtau neat season. Miss Minnie Palmer will sail from Liverpool - pool nn or about April 7 , and will act iu thin country next scnsou. Anton Itublutteln nmdo n clear pi oft t of 5,000 on the five courerts which ho g wo ilur Ing his recent stay at Vienna. The soanon of twenty-lour orchoUral con certs under the direction of Mr. George lion Bcliol baa just closed In Boston. Mr. H. S. Perkins is to make a musical tour of California , t iking with him n chorua of about 100 people , Riving concert * on thu way. Mr , Atkinn Lnwronco , loading man in Bart- ley CampboH'H "Slbsiltt" company , has been ro-ongnged for the same position for next sen- ion. Genovlovo Ward has been playing iu the Kiifct Indies , npitoarlmc at Mich plucen at Ley- pore , Delhi , Agra , Lucknow , Bonarrs , nud Calcutta. The one-hundredth representation of "Alda" will soon 1)3 ulven nttho Grand operj houo In 1'ntir. Verdi will to preprint , and ulfort * lm\o been made to have him direct it , A now touor , M. Goynrro , lias croatml quite nu excitement iu Frnura for lila superb Miuxlnr ; , ItU voice being couipuro.l with the old fnmuu * vocullits Kubnl and Marlu by the votaruu ctitlca. Mary Anderson will not return to thin country iu the summer , us reported in some quarters , Shu will tout in Kuri > pe , and re open the Lyceum early In the fall with ' Rotnoo and Juliet , " Colonel Huverly will netid tha lurgext mlu. strol compauy to London uud PnrI * In Mny tlutt 1m * uver crossed tha Atl uitlo. It will uM Muy ] 4. raid open ut thu DruJy Lane Theatre , London , May SI. Mile. Nevada , tha American prlma donna , hu made a great nuccoja Iu Par ) * tu "Lucia " Ho1 voicoUiK'ld to Iwpuro uml Uute-llkaln ihuracter , which In oounectiou with lior grace ful Rppejrnn. e , won for her a quick reoogut- tlou , At the May Festival In Cincinnati , which will lost from May 20 to 24 , the following wotks will ba the chief attraction" ! Gr.unod' , . "Hedeuiptloii , " Hanilol'a "Urnoj In K > l t , " Brahin'i "Ucnulein , " IJnathiveu'ii Filth aud Ninth Symphonic * , ud wjl1 } " * " ( eleolioiM fiom Wagnert "Dutchman , " "Tannh inser , " "Lohfliieriu , " "Nibolungun , " "TrUtju" aud "PartlUl. " Lawyer Edwin U , Ro > t was thu htro of the hour lr the Motrop'llUn Opara hniuM , New York , the other ulrfht. Thu f .Milonkble fools who OvCtipy the boxes for fHrtiog and go n > lp were ftonoliy no otm could tnko nny comfort In opera , nnd Mr. Hoot got up In the stills nnd inrulo n brief and cotlrtemn spcndi to the most olfotirlvo boxful. The nnalenco npplaudod him llko a florin , nud the fools kept slid tbo reit nf the evening , London la to Imvo nn oloctrlo ballot nt cnAtor-ttrno. The ntago will bo darkened fern n moment , only to bo instantaneously illumi nated with hundreds of ballot girls in nrmour , nnd every point of it pricked with stars of electric light. An Inuonlous Frenchman Ii the nuthnr of this dovlco. When ho nrrivod atjtho Charing-Cnun station , with his ballet dru s nnd mnchinory , ho was promptly nr- lustud ni n Parisian Fenian , and had to prove his connection with the theatrical trade before ho was released , The grand orchestra being arranged by Mr. ThotnM for his western tour will conMit of twenty lirst violins , twenty it > oond violins , sixteen violas , sixteen violoncellos , clghtaon double bassos , four harps , four flute * , tour piccolos , four oboes , ono English horn , four clarionets , ono ba < s clarionet , eight bassoons , ono contr.i bassoon , olgbt horns , four cornoti , eight trumpets , two tubni , two ket tledrums , one small drum , bass drum , and cymbals , Mr. Manlo < on is n ely old puts. Ho has made ns his rharo of the profits of the Califor nia season nbout00,000 , nnd ho does not pro pose to lose this. Ho knouv , however , that if lie comes back to Now York and attempts to uivo such a vp < ing season as ho usually gives no will probably use up nil this money , nnd ni'iro , too ; so ho has announced that ho will only glvo two weeks of opera nt the ncadomr In the spring , nnd for these two weeks he in filing to put on his strongest attractions 'attt nnd Scalcht In "Somtrnmldo , " nnd Pattl , Gorstor nnd Sralchl in the "Hugue nets , " will bo his chief attractions for this short season , and I bcltnvo that ho Is uot going to tike nny X'ibscripthms , All thu seats Mill 110 sold at the highest prices , nnd ho pro poses to take in onouxh montiy to moro than p < iy his oxpenKci. The SC > ,000 that ho brings with him from California ho will tike over to England nu-.l Invest in English funds , which , though they pay small rales of interest , nro pretty tnfo. Tlio April Kool. Fulr WAS her young nud girlish f.ico , Her lips were luscious red ns wluo Her willowy fonn betrayed n gruco That seemed to mo to uo divine. Ono evening ut the trystimr-plnco I asked this inaideu to bd niluo. Unhappy , thrice unhappy youth Was I ti c mrt the cru-htug blow- But why ilhl.iy the ttwful tiuih ? /iprll-foolod ice years ugo. Killed with u cluelly , grim dlnmay , AH kucLlitig ut her fcot I heard Thl ) fair but cruel angel say _ That lust , unhappy , severing word , I fluttered hopeluFHly uway Liku souiu lorloru and stricken bird. For years I played n cynic's putt , For yo.irrf I nursed my tecrotlwoo , ] And this reflection galled my heart Sbo April fooled mo years ngol But she is forty nov and fat , And vanished all her grace * nro Aud many n lusty , brawling brat Pulls at her ekirts nud culls her "ma , " And I have information that Her horrid husband tends a bar. And when I see that fleeting yours lla\ changed my quandam angel so I thank my Htara , "mm grateful tours , | She April-fooled me years ago ! [ Chicago News. PEPI'KUMINX DKOPS. The buckwheat cake and snusago gravy must go. You can now go to Mexico for fifty dollars , but you will find it a good deal cheaper to stay nt homo. A barber ub'ont to bo hanged said "Nocks ! " and then the trap-door fell. Those present considered it a good choke. The man who began keeping n dlnry at tha first of the year is still keeping it , but he now uses the pages as citraret-paper. ' 'No , ' the said sweetly , "I don't object to the smell of a cigar : it'a the smell of tha smoke I don't like. " [ Burlington Free Press. The way to distinguish between dairy but ter nnd olcomurgurinu is to draw a fiuo tooth comb through it. If it comes out covered with hair it is dairy butter. A Philadelphia organ-grinder has sued a woman for libel. In amomontof exasperation she culled his poor llttlo unoffending monkey a dudo.-Philadelphia Call Just as you get comfortably fixed in a street car , the conductor alwajs tells you to "move up. " Aud wo often wonder why It is-that ho tolls the other fellows " " uovor to "move down ? "In tearing down a house 150 years old , iu Rhode Inland , lately , the workmen found a lot of leaf tobacco and 100 old-fashioned cigars. " Tula would seem to indicate- that atone ono time cigars wcro made of tobacco. An old lady in Now York olfered the dis trict attorney six eggs as an inducement to show leniency to her son , who had been in dicted for stealing , but the oiler was refused. Egca tire only twenty-five contu a dozeu. "Why didn't I go to her assistance ? " said the mau who had staid iu bed wlnla bin wife laid out u burglar , "Young man , I've had a number of tusalos with the old gal. nnd I knew that burglar had trouble uuough without my giving him any. " The suburban citizen must soon put his lawn mower in tuna uud play upou it while hu is renting after hi * day of toll. It ia dur ing this rocieation that ha calculates that , by luwu measurement , it takes about a million feet to make a yard. "Yes , " said the actor , "I've had hard luck. 1'va been hurt in a smiish-up , had my pocket picked , my wordrobo had been burned , my wlfo bun oloped. But I dtuorvu It ; I don't kick. I have helped to intlict 'Uncle Tou'a Cabin' on this country. " In the genor.d rejoicing over the Increased use of stampj and the decroiced use of pos tal c.inla since the Introduction of two-cent pontage , the people have forgotten that the change will rou n village poitmastenhip of all the uttr ctiveno8J of that ollico which grows out of reading the postal cards. EDUCATIONAL. The girls nt Vaisar have a fire company. Eighteen colored to-ichors nro employed in tha Nnahvillu , Teuu. , public schools. Eighteen thousand huU mlttuns nnd wrist lets were mudo by utudimts of thu Humptoii Indian school lust your. President Seolye of Amhnrat , belloves in compulsory phj lcal oxerciaa in ugliest ) . Couii pulaoty menul cxerchu ml ht nluo boa good ucliomo. The teachers ot the Philadelphia public schools have contributed over 97tXI to a fund for thu relief of tholr fellow toachora in the Ohio valley , It id hard work to keep Arizona kchoola supplied with toicliora from tlm east ; tha teachers noon yield to the matrimonial blan- dlhlmiHiU of the lonely mluers. Fruuce Is inukltig great progrocs in the im provement of her educational agencies. In 1SC5 thura were but 4,683 schuul libraries : last ) oar , however , the number hud increased to nearly 30,000 , beuldod 4,000 free public UbrurloH. Of the 40,000 Indian children now living iu this country , over 10,000 uro beiug educated iu government uchools. This fucc in all the moro rignlUcuut when itia lomtiiubered thatuo B > * - touiittto work had boon umUrtuken uuttl the latter pure of Geueral Grunt'u administration. Forty Shux Indian bojn have recently or- rited in Ynuktou , Dakota , ns the liitt iuutal- men' , of [ iiipilit for a school that Bishop Alarty has reocnvly tstablliihed in that city. UbUiu tlio ouly bcliool wo t of the Allr-Khitulcs Unit take uii the work bo uu by Hampton and Curll.le ; A Up petition fi > r giving colored Uilldron more rights Iu Ataiisacuu'PtU colored school * WM Blguoil , without leadiug , by u Urge nuui- bor of v'luluotit jti'lg.w , pullUeiuiiu nud buti- utua UiOii , without icuiiril tu color , Thu open ing mutanca wan : § ' \Vo , the uudeiulguod pa ruuU of colored children , " Piofn 'nr Felix Adler , thulrmnu of tha so. clety nf Ethical culture , No v York , rounutly publubed report on tha operation * of tbo uorUupmou'd soliool of thut city , Thoroaru four cUsiot , luvlng 141 puplU. They uru taught frea luud drawing aud modelliv. Theru In u wbll conducted department of nat ural bdeuoo. The recent death of Henry 0. Lord , a rail- nronlduut of Cincinnati , I ecalU tha fuct . hu aud tuvon brnthera were grkdiiatod ! from Dartmouth collcaQ dmii-e the adminis tration fc. their father , tha Jlcv. Dr. Nathan Ixird , who WAS president of tba institution fi-om 182.S to 160J , This CMC In probably unparalleled - paralleled in the collfglato records ol this country. In California they are beginning to plant mulberry trees around the publlo school house * , to that the teachers mny bo nblo to supplement their salaries by raising silk worms during vacation. The Silk Culture Society of Philadelphia suggested n similar [ mllcy In Philadelphia , ni this seems to bo the only ch nco of raising the starvation wastes of nur tchool tnvchcrs. The ScnlHkln Snuiuo MiiHtUo. A JUIDRN'H LAMENT , "Ohl Mamma , get the camphor out , To sprinkle o'er my sacnuo , For xprltig U hero , beyond n doubt ; My sealskin I mint pack. It has sheltered tno from wintry blast' , From chilling hall and snow ; But whllo "ethereal ralldnots'1 lasts , The noitUkln sacquo must go ) " "Tis hard to part with what wo love , This parting glvea us pain ; Still there's a hope there Is , by jove , Next fall tto'll mootngaln , In winter we'll be reconciled , Till then I'll stand the blow ; With summer zephyrs nro so mild , The Hoalekin sacque must got "I with iu summer 'twas thn style To wear n sealskin sacquo , For then nt mmdy Coney Inlo No attractiveness I'd lack. Yet such n thought most fnoli'h I ? , My poor heart fills with woe , When I with ' ' say lachrjmary 'phiz , The sealskin eacquo must go. " [ John Bolivar , Jr. ISri'IEXIES. Ilov. Thomas K. Bacon'a parishioners asked him to resign. This will tickle BiHtnarck. If Joseph Cook were n trillo moio religious hn would make n xory good newspaper para- A church organ in Georgia , not working sat isfactorily , was examined nnd found to con- tnm a dead frog. Not much music iu a dead frog , certaiuly. Glove contests are not unknown to the fair sex. Did you over i-eon young lady putting ou iv pair of tiqht kids wuilu thu laat boll is tolling for church Sunday morning ? By a now law iu Arkansas tie saloon can bo built uithin C40iods ( .f . a church. But the natives dodge this law by building the saloon first. Then they erect the church ri ht across the road. The first record of a billet show is found in that part of the Bible where Moses is ppokon of M coming down from Sinai and findlug the mon of Israel bowing down before a calf. Dr. Purry , late bishop of Melbourne , used to relate that on ono of ills official rounds ho wns dining nt a settler's cabin "In the bush" ; hU plate became empty of the solitary veg etable comprised in the primitive bill of fare ; and then oue of his hosts juvenile sons sup- "Lord" and "God" poring to bo interchange able terms and having heard the guest ad dressed as "My Lord" piped out , "Pa , wou't GoU have eorao moro potatoes ? " A paper published nt Mulchon , Chili , says ; "The Indians hero held n villatun lately. This is n religious ceremony , or offering up of prayer for rain , on which occasion they plant a Hatred tioo nnd dance around it. Each one is sup posed to bring a black sheep , which is slaughtered and the blood thrown into tha air , whllo nil the time the sorceress is hidden up in the tree praying away like mad , The cere mony over , they all got on n blazing drunk. Four days after this ono the rain fell. " ANew _ York publisher of Bibles recently received an extensive order from the proprietor of OLO'S of Chicago's largest hotels for "fine , showy Bibles , with hand.'ome covers. " Sur prised at the order , he asked tbo lioted man : "What do you intend to do with them ? " "Place them in the guost's room. You nee , I have mode arrangements to keep a lot of democratic delegates to tha convention , and I want to give them everything new nnd novel and what they are unaccustomed to. " "But would you not like to htvo the hotel's name stamped on the coveibj It will coat but little and prevent their bcin ? stolen , " said the publisher. ' "Oh , no , " replied the other. It is unneces sary. They won't steal them. " J -TO. SINGULARITIES. A Buffalo physician lays tlte large increase in the number of midgets and dwarfs in thu past fifty years to the consumption of nicotine by fathers whit smoke exclusively. JJJA doer was lassoed near Aaiador. Cal. , ro- coutly , wh'ch had , in addition ! tojlt-vo i largo aud well-developed antlers , 4boata doen ur more small horns protruding from different parts of the head. George Simpson , of McGillivray , Ont , , found a petrified man on his farm which meas ured 7 feet 4& inches in height , and WHS al most perfect in form. Parts of the body were white and the rest was of a dork grayish color. Two spcred birds , known as the Ibis , and worshipped by the Nubians of Africa , are amongtho attractions at the bird show In Bos ton. They were captured by an enginuer of the Stanley expedition whllo engaged in ex ploring the Nile , John McLunoy , of Baltimore , has an oyster Bettor dog that he can depend on for UO big oyutojH every day. The dog wades around over the shallow bed dragging his busy tail on the bottom. The long lialrn tickle the cold blooded bivalves BO that they nab hold and hang ou until they ara dragged ashore. He wus offort-d a nice figure to send him to the Now York bench show , but it came just at a tlmo when the dog wns so busy that ho couldn't spurathe time. A laro pcopo of country south of Cedar- vlllu , Kan. , is Infested with wild dogs. Lur ing the time the ground waa covered with nit > \v they made several raUa on aheep nnd cattle pens. They have killed two largo steers for ouo man , nearly wiped out two flocks of dhoep and eaten up two litters of fine pigs. Several expeditions have b ° ou organized Httainst them , but they wcro found to bo more difficult to o pture than wolves. It hai now been decided to resort to cold poUou. . Thousands Upon Tlionnnnln of dollars have bean spent in advertising the cclobrnted Jim-dock Jilaotl Jlittcn , but this fact uccouuta only in part for their enormum sale , 'llielr merit has mudo thorn what they nro thubcwt blood ruediulnn uver duviued by uiun. S. L. Lnlghton , nf North Possadonn Cal , has killed a lionesa which was robbing bin corral. An examination of the boost nhowtid lu > r to ba a powerful creutuM fix font three inches long nnd t\vnntyef ! < ht iuchca high. She was in tine condition , with claws and tooth iu sharp , serviceable order , and weighed about i00 ! pounds. Acid I'l No Physician Need Hesitate. Dr. S. V. CLKVBMJKK , Chicago , 111. , snys ; "Horsfprd'a Acid Phospliuto should bu modu nfllciiml. It ia thu most uligiblo form for theiulmumtratumof phosphorus , and no physician need hcsiUto tu urdur it 01 : Ilia prencription blanks. " In recent weatern political convention nn ex-preacher wuo is now a politician , dtfurnd thu following-resolution : "Hoiolved , That the weak nlmll iuherit tha earth ; tud , further re solved , that we are the weak. Guro Tlmt Cnlcl , Do not suffer your Lururs to become dlioasod by allowing a cold to continue without uu ef fort to cure it. Thousand ) have died prema ture deaths , the victims of Conaumptioiid , by simply iieglbctlug u cold. DK. WM. UALL'd BALSAM for the LUNGS will euro Colda ; , Couglis and Con- biimtio [ surer and quicker thau any other remedy It acts almoatliko maylo in many ctue * , and In othora its plfoct , though slow , U mure if penliteil iu , according to dlructious. HCIII'H Cnrbollo Halve Is the Best Salve for Outs , Bruises , Sores , Ulcers , Halt Rheum , Tetter , Chapped HanoU , Chilolalns , Conn and nil kinds of rikln Enip- tiom > , Freckles and Pimples , Got Henry's Caibolio Salve , as all otiwra are counterfeiU. Price 25 couU. Dr ] vfotfH Liver Thcfo Pilla have cover been advertised very much , but they have just a much intrlmlo merit as tbougn thev were puffed to the aktes by indiscriminate mucrtlsluj , Try them and ba couvlucdd , The Largest Stock in Omaha , antllilMes the Lowest Prices ; i Its. DRAPERIES AND MIRRORS , Just roooivod an osiorlmon' far surpassing anything in this market , comprising the latest and most tasty designs manufactured for this spring's trade nnd covering range of pnccs from the Cheapest to the most Expensive. Parlor Goods Draperies. Now ready for the inspection of cus Complete stock of all the latest tomers , the newest novelti' s in styles iu Turcoman. Madras nnd Suits nud Odd Pieces. Loco Curtaiii ! ? , Etc. , Etc. H31o rant Passenger Elevator to all Floors. 1206,1208 mid 1210 Ffinmm Street , - - - - OMA.HA , NT3B WZBZOjGIE : TJIE NEW HOUSE OF Fine Havanu , Key West and Domestic Cigars. All Standard Brands Tobaccos. Trial Orders Solicited , Satisfaction Gnarantoefl , I ° 7 PARHAM BT" ° MAHA- ( SUCCESSOR TO FOSTER & GRAY. ) 9 Office and Yard , 6tli and Douglas Sts , , DEALERS IN PEOOFJomp'y ( FIEE AND BUEGLAR PEOOF JOBBER OF tilw Ms EASTERN PRICES DUPLICATED 11FARNAM STREE - - OMAHA NKH HANTFACTCRCB OF Of SHUCTXY ; rTRBT-Cr ACT -m , j $ ff"8 ' 0 Bjli 'dS TWO V7HSEL GAET8. 1319 and 11)20 ) llnrntvy Street Rnd 403 H. JB h R B . 1 v * 1 V unn - ssa. 'nnsultatiou and Corroapowlonco Gratis. P. O. Bos H92. Tolonbond No. SL'fl. HON. ED WARD RUSSELL , Poatmastor , Davenport , uaya : "Phyeicinn ol aea Aoiuiy aim Marknd Suocosa. " CONGRESSMAN MURPHY , Davenport , - rUfluan ; nonornhlo M.m. ii'ino .SnccosH. Wondnrfnl Ouroa , " TTnnrM. R t fi . . ' . rpmKSm * .rmxmagnaxatKa .VJBKtl UQ9 14 DodRQ St.orajiisTW < n ' * { yuA&g } oiminllr filled vlth I I K ( took. l'o l Wncn ) nihlvi-tur r , , , Office M. HSLL1IAN 5 CO. , i AND 1303 FARNAM STflESl can. 13Tb