THE HESPERIAN.
armory room be turned into a cloak room for the boys? Can
not a water tank and water also be supplied? There may
be serious objections to this plan. If so, we will submit with
good grace. But it is offered as a suggestion. Anyway give
us brine, water, salt anything and everything, but let it be
something to drink and easy to get.
The newspapers of the county, as a rule, contain a half
column or so of advice in regard to popping the question. It
is to be hoped that all the students will profit by such advice
which is probably paid for at the rate of fifteen cents a
column; but, in the meantime, let some genius formulate
some advice in regard to making invitations to the co-eds.
No old, stereotyped form will do. A plain, simple, express
ive method is needed. Something that will be of use to
bashful young men, and also be an antidote for startling
heart palpitation and cmbarassing blushes. If students only
knew how to express themselves easily while making ordi
nary invitation;, there would be no need of advice for pro
posals of marriage.
The habitual flunkcr puzzles many students. I never
knew a sad and dejected flunkcr. To my knowledge the
happiest boy in school was the worst flunkcr. Of course he
did not remain in school long. Hut it is a fact that the one
who flunks the most is generally the cheeriest. Perhaps it
may be only outward show. It is not an infrequent sight for
a flunkcr to go into the class room with an angelic smile of
content and happiness upon his face and aftenvards makes
one of the most outrageous flunks on record. It is comfort
ing to know that someone seems to get consolation from a
flunk. The student who flunks once in three weeks is gen
erally heart broken and unable to smile. The habitual
flunkcr, however, flunking every other day, seems to be of a
different nature. The flunkcr seems to be consistent in that
he looks on the bright side of everything. If there is a
bright side to a flunk, only a habitual flunkcr can sec it.
The growth of the moustache on the Senior class has been
phenomenal during the present term. It would be very im
proper to say that this phenomenal growth had been natural.
A tour of inspection among the Seniors revealed peculiar
iorms of the moustache, and also a vast amount of inordinate
pride. Newcomer's moustache has been the pioneer. It
certainly excels in size. Collins and Baughman follow next
with dainty little strawberry ornaments. The students arc
willing to compliment them with the name moustache on
account of the unusual good nature of these gentlemen.
When Webber, Tinker and Eagleson appeared upon the
scene, the students believed that a Senior's moustache could
be wonderfully and fearfully made. But the amount of pride
taken by these gentlemen, in their lip adornments, is not
quite so large as the moustaches. When Church appeared
and insisted that a row of stubby bristles across his lip de
served the name of moustache the students were unusually
sarcastic. Hints that a coat oi tar and shoe blacking might
improve that moustache were constantly twrown out. But
the obdurate Church has paid no attention to them. When
French was interviewed he apologized for his appearance,
saying that his monstache was built especially to amuse the
co-eds, and hence was not alwas decorous or well behaved.
Wagner and (Jerwig spoil rcsppctable moustaches by sand
wicking them between a pair of mutton chops. The effect,
however, is mote startling. During the summer Allen raised
a monstache that has a very bewitching curl the result of
constant fingurs manipulation. It is wonderful hw much
caressing a Senior allows to be given to himself and mous
tache. Ye skctchcr had hoped to criticize that famous mous
tache of Tinker's but it has gone never to return. But as
that moustache used to be, it was an article rare and there
fore highly prized. If the present Senior class is remem
bered for nothing else, its record on moustaches can scarcely
be broken.
STRAY PICK-UPS.
Company halt march.
'God save the loafer."
Ho, for another military ball J
What's the matter with a football, hey?
As a windy man Males will take the bakery.
A speckled beauty the co-ed with the measles.
Cram, cram, and be merry for to-morrow we flunk.
Amorously considered, Graham is a battle scarred veteran.
Say, Tom, has the ruffled sea of politics ceased to rage
yet?
Ask Church to reproduce the epithets that he heaped on
Allen.
Loafo, cramcrc, crami, flunktum, to vary a classical
phrase.
A lot of new books have been received by the department
of Greek.
Miss Cox, a student of three years ago, has been in
Lincoln lately.
Professor Lloyd and Miss Moore went up to Omaha,
Monday, November 3.
"Bony, bonier, boniest" is what Stout said after sleep
ing a night with Piatt.
The old windmill has gone to its last resting place up the
University boiler flume.
The Unions caucusscd from 10:30 a. m. until 9:30 p. in.,
still there are no factions.
Church has been casting about for a week to find a defini
tion for "individual merit."
The- mythological lore in this issue is from the fertile
brain of a scientific student.
There has come to light two slang expressions with which
the Freshics are not familiar.
"I am a pait of all that I have met," as the pickpocket
said after his twenty-seventh theft.
In spite of several remarks in chapel, certain students
persist in holding levees in the halls.
Eagleson and Pizey went to Wabash with Allen and
indulgedtfn a turkey feed Thanksgiving.
Mr. Macaulay has been forced to leave school temporarily
on account of sickness. Nothing serious.
Professor Hunt has moved into his elegant new quarters
on Twelfth and N. May he live long and grow fat.
Once more are the blessings of poverty exemplified, for
on a certain Wednesday evening they kept boys virtuous.
The business managers of The Hesperian have for sale
orders on city business men for boots and shoes, gents' furn
ishing goods, shoe repairing and photographs. Students
will help out the business managers and their own pocket
books by purchasing the above mentioned orders. A word
to the wise ought to be enough for all practical purposes.
Conway McMillan, who has been teaching at the Uni
versity of Minnesota, has come to his home in Lincoln to
