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THE HESPERIA N.
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has not yet entirely recovered, she will begin her work
again.
Did you sec Nelson catch onto a girl at Wyniorc park?
Well I should smile.
'Post No. 4, twelve o'clock, all's well. The Kingdom of
Heaven is at hand."
A nocturnal pistillate equine the night marc. None bu
scicntifs will understand this.
Eternal loafing is the price of flunking; but he who cram
mcth studiously shall rccicvc 60.
They say that Pound has invested heavily in oil to keep
his flame going this wet weather.
Miss Stratton, '87, visited friends in the city last week.
She is teaching school in Ashland.
"Shouting Cooley, the Whirlwind of Camp Thayer" is the
title of a new novel coming out shortly.
Fourteen street-cars and eighty-seven other vehicles were
broken down on Eleventh street, Wednesday, May 16.
Benton, always remember that the number of note books
carried is in inverse proportion to the amount of work done.
Tinker thought he had got the slickest girl at the military
ball, but when her husband came around later in the even
ing he wilted.
That sham battle was elegant, especially when the G. A.
R. men went for our battery. You should have heard
Fletcher whoop.
We understand Dr. Brace has received an outside oflcr, and
intends to leave us. We hope he will reconsider and con
clude to remain.
The Wymorites and Governor Thayer seemed to be very
much in love with the cadet battalion and considered it the
lion of the celebration.
Do not ask Frank Carpenter for a lock of his hair. Your
request will only meet with a refusal and exemplify your ig
norance of the tonsorial art.
The authorities were heard grumbling about the length of
the bill which the Soph botany class handed in for efficiently
prunning the pines on the campus.
The Scicntifs have petitioned for a bulletin board in the
lab. on which to record by innings the scores of the games
played Wednesday mornings in chapel.
The cadctesscs used the boys belts to drill with a couple of
times, and when Fletcher came to put on his belt he had to
lake it in three holes before it would fit.
On Friday, May 25, Co. D appeared' with the boys on
dress parade, The girls did themselves proud and covered
themselves with glory and presperation.
Don't you accuse the Scicntifs of apathy. All who sur.
vived their blowout are willing to admit anything if only
they can escape any more demonstrations.
Voice of a co-ed in a mixture of fear, anxiety, trouble,
and terror: "Now don't you run ofT with him, because I
don't know whether I can get him there or not."
Its too bad that the co-ed encampment was broken up, but
Miss Smith couldn't leave her mother and the faculty
thought the other girls had better not leave their mothers.
McDonald has had sore lips since he returced from camp.
He says the Wymore girls powder. McD. has a number of
sympathetic friends who rccomcid T bb's two lip salve.
It was a rare spirit of truthfulness that induced the "pow
ers that be" to put the motto "semper paratus" on a build
ing in which there will never be any recitations our armory.
It may not be true that John Green has undertaken to
assuage his sorrows by means of strong drink, but wc must
confess that when wc accidently overheard him the other
day ask the historic cow in the museum for the pleasure of
a waltz our suspicions were slightly aroused.
The latest volume of the Johns Hopkins publications tc
ceived by the University library contains an article whose
author signs his name Amos G. Warner, Ph. D. Every
student will feel the proper amount of pride in noting the fact
that Mr. Warner has completed his postgraduate work.
L. II. Benton was absent from school the first part of
this term. He has now returned with a nut brown tan, a
cynical smile, a classic physiognomy, and a replenished
pocket book. During his absence his office of praetor of the
laboratory was filled by Mr. Stoughton and Mr. Scoficld.
Russell and Tinglcy on their last geological trip passed
over the same tract which A. II. Bigclow passed over last
ycar,and, carved in two foot letters on a perpendicular cliff of
sand stone below Plattsmouth they found the inscription:
' CLARA C R A M P H O R N.
The Palladian and Union boy's debating clubs have each
within itself been having war. The Pall boys tried Thomas
Hall for stealing a photograph, and the Union boys tried to
impeach their president. The practice in paruamentary law
committed therewith was good, for everybody had to "get
right down into Roberts and dig."
On Saturday, May 12, the Business college nine played the
Prep and Freshman nine on the comer of Eleventh and
South streets. At the close at 5:20 the score stood 13 to 20
in favor of the Business college boys. The playing of the
University boys was marked by heavy batting, while that of
their opponents by excellent fielding.
These are the days when the fame of the members of our
faculty has spread abroad in the land. Now that Yale or
Harvard are attempting to engage several of them, it may
not come as a surprise to the student body to learn that Cor
nell college has been making great efforts to secure the ser
vices of our efficient janitor, Mr. J. Green.
Among the other excitements of camp life a ball game e
tween the Wymore nine and the boys was an important
feature. After the fifth inning the score stood 37 to 14 m
favor of the University nine, much to the surprise and cha
grin of the Wymorites, who, before the game, had gone alut
proclaiming how foolish and idiotic the boys were in attempt
ing to play their club, and how easily the boys would he
"done up."
In some other column the innocent reader may find an
item written by the local editor, purporting to tell about
"the great big six-foot rattlesnake that got in my bed, and
I killed him, gentlemen, after a tcrirfic struggle." Now comes
one who says that he killed it and put it in Pete's bed before
the latter gentleman retired. Thus the gentle reader is again
reminded that all things earthly even Peterson's stories
arc vain and illusory.
Among the old, miserable , forgotten legends which still
cling to a languid cxistencc,that one of calling Tub Hesperian
the Student is worst. Among the students is one, and we
rejoice that there is but one, who continually inquires if we
have seen the Student; when the Student is coming out again,
etc. This rubbing salt into our lacerated spirit is the quint
essence of woe, and jf that ancient individual knew how he
mutilates our soul he would stop out of very sympathy. x
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