'THE HESPERIAN
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had managed to get in a lick with his piece of sidewalk, at
every third jump. The cow won the contest, nevertheless.
The man sat down on the iron fence and waited till mid
night before he ceased to sweat. Yesterday he paid ten dol
lars fine for being cruel to animals. He will pay fifteen dol
lars before that lawn is graded again. The cow, meanwhile,
is biding her time. The lawn will suffer in the future.
In some colleges there arc a few students who exhaust
themselves as well as a few others, by their antics around the
slate, and their succeeding behavior. One who habitually
scratches the slate three weeks in advance, has treasure of
the wrong kind laid up for him. Alter scratching, he makes
life burdensome to the slate carrier in more ways than one.
lie continually asks to sec the slate, in order not to forget
what name he has scratched. He generally has two or three
notes to deliver or else expects as many. Then when the
eventful evening comes the young fellow wears out the girl's
patience by constant appeals to "walk around the block" be
fore going to society, or after it dismisses. In fact the great
est nuisance on the face of the earth is the young man who is
gone on every other one in general, and seeks to use the rest
of the student kind as his assistants. It is a matter of con
gratulation that such a one has not yet put in an appearance
around this instution though if coming events cast their
shadows before, the eve of a great phenomenon is at hand.
V
The ten cent circus has come and gone. It was great. A
certain student went. He took his best girl. Of course he
purchased a sack of peanuts. A high seat was occupied, and
the peanut shells were dropped on the head, below. Une
experiences a sense of pleasure when a peanut shell drops
down behind his collar. It is exhilarating. The student
whooped at the acrobats and waved his hat with wild enthu
siasm. As a consequence the position of his companion was
precarious. Hut she didn't care. Finally the dog show ap
peared. The student was amused. "Ah!" he said, "they
will be my meat as soon as this circus leaves town." He
laughed uproariously. A soda pop man came along. The
student bought a bottle, and told his girl to "buy her some."
The student went to fooling with the cork. He tried to pull
it out with his teeth. He pulled. The cork pushed; and
pushed him over. He gyrated on the ground until an irate
"cop" captured him.
"Will they hurt that poor covboy?"askcd an open mouthed
youngster.
"Cowboy! Why no my son, that was a Sen ." Let the
reader imagine what.
What became of the girl? Oh she joined the circus.
Students are peculiar at times, especially in chapel. A
Senior walks in with a weary air, wanders around the piano,
haunters down the main aisle, deliberately selects an outside
seat and sits down. I le strokes the place where a moustache
would grow were it not for the sake of the Seniors looks, and
picks up a hymn book. Sing? Oh yes. How his head?
Oh no, not he; not in the presence of younger classmen.
A I'rep walks down the outside aisle with thirteen books
and five tablets in his arms. He takes his scat in the rear
row, and, although he docs get his toes stepped on by rude
Sophs, he sets an excellent example of piety.
A Freshman docs not go to chapel. He sits outside and
moralizes over the nineteenth proposition in the ninth book
of Conic Sections. Hut the Freshman reforms when he com
pletes the mathematics required.
Sopomores and Juniors put in an appearance at chapel at
irregular intervals. The Juniors invariably quarrel with
Seniors for the outside scats, the ones next the center aisle
and nearest the girls. A Sophomore comes to chapel late,
selects a row in which every scat is filled save one, and
clambers over seven men in order to get to it. He leaves
behind him very disordered minds for devotional exercises.
Hut it is the peculiar privilege of a Sophomore to create a
rumpus.
The girls have no difficulty whatever after they get inside
the chapel; but it is not easy for them to enter in six abreast.
A late comer is always made the target lor a hundred pairs of
eyes.
If one looses sight of the main motive in going to chapel,
still thcte is enough to attract attention and enable him to be
decorous.
V
There is another awkward squad connected with this in
stitution. It appears periodically, and is always continued
in the next. It's members wear no particular uniform. It
does not drill. It is always on parade. The mob of ungainly
bipeds, which congregate just outside the society halls
every Friday evening are a sight to behold; a row of these
ungainly things, standing on one foot with hands in the
pockets, anil squinting at every couple that comes up the
stairs make an interesting picture. Now and than one of
them hop up to the door and peers in with a startled air,
to ascertain if the back seats are empty. Then it resumes
its roosting place along the wall. It is a fearful trial to
pass in review before that squad. Just as the first number
on the program is called the row of awkward gaukers make
a stampede into the hall and till up the back seats. They
remain theie until the debate is called when they rush for the
outside. It is as good as a ten cent eiicusto watch them.
They can be seen any Friday evening by those who go to
society eaily and take seats immediately, not on the llooi
outside the society hall, not on the steps, not on the radiators,
but inside the hall on comfortable chairs. Membership in the
awkward squad here described is not obligatory. It is purely
voluntary - a very desirable privilege nevertheless.
I here is a course of instruction given while a student is
connected with this institution, not advertised in the cata
logue. Kvery member of the cadet battalion has very pro
nounced opinions in regard to this course of instruction, or
in campus Latin, the experiences in the awkwaid squad.
The aggregation of ungraceful reciuits appears periodically.
There is no escape from the ordeal. The most intellectual
student must, for a time, cease to exercise his brain, and be
gin to train his hitherto neglected attachments his feet.
A student passes through the trials of homesickness and
loneliness but twice during his college life; once when he twists
himself around the gateposts and enters the campus a new
student: again when he joins the awkward squad.
How exasperating it is to maich along the front of a battal
ion in charge of a detailed officer, while the more cxperi
enced cadets persistently call out, "hep! hep!" as the wrong
foot strikes the ground.
The regulation musket, in the opinion of a new recruit, is as
long as a fishing pole, and three times as clumsy. All class
distinctions disappear in the awkward squad. Prep, Frcshy
and Soph meet in equal positions. The recruit who can get
there in the awkward squad is the one great soldier.
As the squad marches over the flower beds and water
pipe ditches, how doth the young hopeful upon the campus
improve each shining hour! No one but a new recruit can
tell how pungent is the young hopeful's sarcasm. The
awkward squad, tramping down sandburrs upon the campus,has
untold contempt visited upon him by the average small boy,