TlfE HESPERIAN.
newcd a Sophomore has succeeded in unravelling many of
the problems that for ages seemed beyond the .mind of man
wonderful theories of mind, thought, leing, are set forth in
eloquent language, every word and gesture calculated to
make still grander the great truths.
Our'discoursc, to be concise, rc will divide into three parts
under these headings: (i). The Journey! (2). The Object- (3),
The Sequel.
Jack and Jill
. Went up the hill.
In the first place Jack and Jill went; Jack didn't go alone,
neither did Jill. They did right in following the scriptures.
Gen. 2:iS. If it were in modern times Jack would tug along
with two pails, while Jill entertained her gentleman friends,
or went to the theater. But maybe Jack might meet all the
other Jacks and go to hear Maggie Mitchell, while all the poor
Jills, who had had their hair frizzed and got a new dtess for
the occasion, were tacitly invited to entertain trig, for the ev
ening. Yes, and there were more tears than sines and cosines
011 the paper. However, we don't want to be bard on the
Jacks; wc have heard of expeditions, feasts, chips and then
some lovely gowns float before our mental vision, some haugh
ty faces, upturned noses, as several Jills sail into society. The
thought is plain, axiomatic Jack and Jill should go togeth
er. Jack goes first, for 'modesty is woman's courage,' !esidcs
if there are any stones or obstacles ol an)' kind in the road, he
must, ol course, remove them. Hut suppose Jack is a darling
little Frcshie. Yoa big Soph. Jill, it is jour duly to protect
him, in the absence of mamma.
They went up the hill, not down into a puddle for their
water, but way up where a bright spring bubbled. That is
the reason why Byron or George Elliot I don't recollect
which aapvay it was some great man said, "There's al
ways room at the top," because nobody, or only a few, get
there. Yet the good is there, dear friends, and so let us
press forward, faithfully performing each duty allotted
to us, so that gradually wc shall rise until on Pisgah's heigh
we are just without the gate of heaven, and all the world be
neath us! Yet it is an immutable law that he who flunks day
after day, fills the margin with translations, skips recitations
to go on a bum, or talks on the stairs, he who thinks it smart
to cruelly quiz an innocentutor.to pass daily the Hesperian
office and never remember his subscription, yea, when it is
his turn in society, thinks it brilliant to have a sore throat , he,
he is the villain, and will, as he deserves, though having start
ed for the clear spring, stumble and roll clear down, scratch
a few eyes out, knock off a dozen patches of skin, smash his
nose, and land finally in the mud puddle where the rest of the
dead beats like him are passing their miserable existence
here.
Jack and Jill
Went up the bill,
To fetch a pail of letter.
They went after something. Yes, and they walked like it
too. They didn't perambulate, like a certain tall Soph, and
sweet preppy go home to dinner. Yesterday, as I was medi
tating upon the cause and effect in the rise and fall of empire
I was rudely awakened. They passed my room. Had they
walked as fast as they talked they would have been swifter
than Pegasus, They walked $0 slowly that my thoughts, all
forsook me and my eyes turned instinctively in search of
Cynthia and '.'beautiful starlight."
Poor Jack and Jill didn't get there. Oh, the cruelty of late!
So merrily and eagerly they set out, and now failure. Poor
Jack! Perhaps his crown was too heavy. Misfortune loves a
shining mark. That brings to mind a dear friend who after
cramming for forty-eight hours steadily, and saying to every
one that nothing was expected, as it was not conscientions to '
cram, (a mental reservation of '9s or die,' meanwhile) and
was rewarded for arduous labor by this title:
. : FINAL EXAMINATION 70 I
.....
Surely, O Jill, thy woes are the common fate of all. Then
a tiny bird told me of a sweet co-ed two bitter enemies who
were to call a pair of cuff bullous, five cigars, and a bunch
oftoolhpicks, the price of an introduction loud rap co-ed
appears hasty retreat of a rascal. Ohit is too touching,
my heart o'erflows-
"A weary time of longings unfulfilled,
And this is life!"
Be palicnt.and you will reach the top
Jack and Jill
Went up the hilL
HALL HAPPENINGS.
Have you heard Rca vis roll?
Bert Woods enters ,90 again.
Ask the girls how to breathe!
Captain Gerwig, if you please.
Have you watched the awkward squads?
Mathewson is an adept a, stealing barrels.
Cadets arc to be inspected about May 1st-
Oar friend Guy does not seem to materialize.
Briggs sports a new hat, of a color for contrast.
Beach is back again and. to stay a while, be says.
Cora Fisher, 'S6, has accepted a school near Raymond.
Miss Minnie Jtoycr teaches school at Malcolm this spring.
Club No. 3 is no more. Died from lack of funds and cook.
Miss Josic Young is acting as a country schoolmarra this
term.
Miss Lottie Pollard has returned to school after a lengthy
absence.
Miss Wilder, of Kansas University, was a visitor with us
last week.
D. T.Smith spent most of his vacation nursing a pet upon
his upper lip.
Bert Clark was accompanied to Lincoln by his mother who
made a short stay.
Miss Dryden, who spent the vacation in town, made a fly
ing visit to Sutton to see Miss Clark.
Last issue seems to have used up the energy of the board,
judging from the way copy was handed in.
The Seniors proved so obstreperous last term that the
Chancellor has turned them over to Tutor CaldwelL
Fulmer has parted company with that long flowing mane
excuse us beard, which has so long been the pride of every
co-ed.
The University boys seemed to take a greater interest in
the election this spring than ever before. A large number
voted, but many of them were challenged.
Whcclock sported that same old upper lip ornament around
the halls for a few days. They say he handles cash over the
counter in a bank at Blue Springs, whither he moved from
Beatrice.
t
