THE HESPERIAN.
If the gentleman thinks any person of ordinary intelligence
will infer from his statement that those who translate Greek
aie thereby more apt to go to Hades he is probably wrong;
yet that is exactly what he would have his hearers think.
But of one thing he may be sure: as far as the cast is from the
west, so far are Sam Jones and his thoughts and his words
rude, irreverent, sensational and uncouth as they are from
the thought of colleges, college men and cultured people.
We arc inclined to think that an instinctive recognition of this
difference prompts Mr. Jones to his tirade against colleges.
To refute his statement would be worse than waste of time;
nor is it profitable to notice it at all except as it betrays with
uunusual plainness the craving of the man for sensational pop
alarity and the unscrupulous way he takes to get it. There is
a not inconsiderable class to which the rant of Sam Jones
gainst colleges will be welcome; but it is a class which would
give equal applause to one who would denounce religion it
self. Though such unreasoning attacks will almost inevitably
fail of their object, yet they have an indirect cfTect in strength
ening a prejudice which already exists,' and they should be
deprecated by all who have at heart the true welfare of edu
cation and religion.
NONDESCRIPT.
SPRING POEM.
kEiTp of
(He
GRASS
BY JOHN GREEN.
iESOP'S TWENTY-THIRD SYMPHONY.
A Student and a hackman became engaged in a Controversy
which resulted in Blows. The student was Small, but he
struck His opponent and Knocked him into the Gutter and
Cracked his Sknll. A policeman at once arrested the Stu
dent for wearing a -weapon called a Brass knuckle. At the
trial it was Proven that the only Thing the Student had in his
hand was the Senior Ring, whereupon the prisoner was dis
charged with an Apology from the court. It is a blessed priv
ilege to Be a Senior this year.
1HE LIE CONVENTION.
The Amalgamated Society of Lies held a special meeting
in the bell rope corridor last Wednesday afternoon at three
o'clock. The meeting was called to order by Mockett's Bear
Story, who stated that the object of the session was the re
ception of new members and a general revision oi the mem
bership roll. Alter the reading of the minutes, the first can
didate was brought in by W. S. Pcrrin and introduced as fol
lows: "I was walking down town the other day with a young
lady, which was not an unusual circumstance, by the way,
when we came to the very muddiest crossing in Lincoln.
The mud was six inches deep, at least. I had just blacked
my shoes, and thought I would go back, but the girl rushed
ahead, so I stopped and watched her. She got along pretty
well until the middle of the street was reached Then she
got stuck and gave a yell that fairly shook the earth. It
drove the mud back in a steadily widening circle, and as soon
as the diameter of the circle was equal to the length of the
crossing, I just stepped in and walked across without soiling
my shoe polish in the least. The lady was also extricated by
the effects of the yell, and we continued our walk wiih great
satisfaction." The applause that followed was tremendous,
and the chairman remarked that nothing equal to this narra
tion had been given to the world since that little affair in the
Red Sea a few thousand years ago. It is needless to remark
that this lie was at once elected to full membership by accla
mation. The next aspirant for immortality was vouched for by the
Honorable D. D. Forsyth,who said: "The mud has been aw
ful during the past month just scandalous. One afternoon
about five o'clock I got on a street car to go down to South'
and Fourteenth Streets after a maedchen to bring to society.
Had to start early because I wanted to get back in time. Of
my! but it was muddy. I got in the mud up to my knees be
fore I got to to the car. Then after the car started the mud
spattered on the windows so thick that it got as dark inside as
a stack of black cats. Broke me all up. I knew the cranky
president of the society would call to order at eight o'clock,
and by the darkness I judged it was half past seven before we
had gone three blocks. But that wasn't the worst. The dri
ver was going so fast that he couldn't stop at the end of the
line and the car plumped down in the mud and sank until there
wasn't any of it in sight but one of the ventilators. We poor
idiots inside didn't know it though. It wasn't a bit darker
than before and we thought we were on a switch wailing for an
other car to pass. I started to get out, but a darkey by the
door said "Law bress you, honey, jess be pashent. De ncx'
cah'll be 'long d'reckly!" So I sat down and went to thinking.
The ventilator worked very well but the car got pretty warm
and in less than four minutes every body in it was asleep. I
had some horrible dreams, but didn't wake up until a man'
stuck his head in the door and yelled at us. It wa the next'
morning by that time. They had been at work all night dig
ging the car out and just got it back on the track as the clock
struck seven. I tell you, friends, that was a cold day for me.
I tried to explain to the girl but she was as mad as hornet and
even hinted that I might be lying about the accident. You
bet I'll never ride in a street car again, and hope I'll not see
any more mud very soon. It gives me convulsions." For
syth edged away booking as though he had swallowed
a aaw mill and it was not agreeing with him. A dead
silence fell upon the convention and when a co-ed White Lie
timidly rose and moved an adjournment it was carried
without a dissenting voice.
THE EXAMS
Yes, the examinination blizzard is upon us, and 'he occa
sion may be called a melancholy one without the use of a
single hyperbole. It is a cold week, a very bleak and tem
pestuous epoch'in college life. The cloud that rests over the
students is a very dark one just now, and none of them can
see a particle of silver lining except the few who are lucky
enough to stumble upon this paragarph. At an enormous sac
rifice of self-respect we have secured advance copies of many
of the lists of questions that are to be used in the inquisition
of the present week, and we give them freely and fully.
The Junior Physics class will give: (i) The method of cal,
ibrating rhc Holtz machine by means of the theory of paten-,"
ial. (2) An estimate of the number of Volts of elictricity
btainablc from a cat's back with' a sine galvanometer, pro
