THE HESPERIAN.
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brate, in consequence. The Hesperian was, as usual, pretty
badly in debt, and it -was suggested that an entertainment be
held for its benefit. The board of editors consisted of Charles
Sumner Allen, Amos Griswold "Warner, Conway George
McMillan, 'Will Owen Jones and Samuel Dick Killen. They
were given full power in the matter, and went to work with a
will. Bat things did not pan out so well as they expected.
Everybody was busy and no one Teally wanted to assist. It
was difficult to get the proper inspiiation for such an under
taking. After caucusing nightly and flunking daily for two
weeks they evolved a programme that promised to fill the bill,
but it could not be prepared in time for Charter Day. Then
the societies were asked to give up their meetings on the fol
lowing Friday evening. They agreed to do so, but the enter
tainment could not be made ready and it was postponed for
still another week. By that time the public were prepared to
believe that something extraordinary was to be given, which,
indeed, was the case. A German play had been in rehearsal
for three weeks and it was an excellent one. Preceding it on
the programme was to be a realistic scene from the life of the
Hesperian, which, if completed as proposed, could not fail
to make a sensation. A few minor numbers were to be added
and the University orchestra was engaged to furnish the mu
sic Altogether the outlook was bright, and the managers
confidently looked forward to glory and ducats as a result of
their labors. But they were disappointed. Less than a week
before the eventful evening their prospects had successively
fallen with dull thuds, leaving them nothing but the Ger
man play, and even that sole support gave signs of failing
them. But that editorial board was a brainy one. The mem.
bers looked cheerful and assured the public that their show
was coming on nicely, and that all would be ready on time.
Every night they worked like beavers and spent the days in
thinking until Warner's manly brow grew wrinkled and Al
len's hair began to fall out in bunches. It was too late, how.
ever. The brilliant ideas that were wanted did not come, and
three days before the date the workers were utterly prostrated
by the intelligence that the German play had also lain itself
down to die. One brief session of the board was spent in
frenried scheming, but to no purpose. An entertainment
could not be given, and the board had to acknowledge their
inability to get up a shuw, or commit suicide individually and
collectively. The latter alternative would have been preferred,
but a sudden inspiration saved the lives of those promising
young men. They turned their entire attention to advertising
and lying about the wonderful things that were to be seen in
the chapel on the evening of February 25th, 1885. It was an
nounced that it was to be an entertainment for students only
and that city people were to distinctly understand that they
came at their peril. But they came, of course. Everybody
came. The chapel was full of expectant folks who paid fifteen
cents and two-for-a-quarler for their tickets. The rest of the
tale is soon told. McMillan, who presided at the door, qui
etly vanished as soon as he had secured the money. "Warner
and Killen handled chairs noisily behind the scenes and rushed
across the stage in ostensible preparation for the first ac
During the overture they quietly slid down a rope and van
ished. Allen and Jones gravely passed from the orchestra to
he shelter of the curtains, after the overture was finished
gave the signal for the remaining musicians to begin "Many
are the friends who are waiting to-night," stuck a huge bilj
on the wall, and followed their brother conspirators out of the
window and down the rope, and with them commenced rapid
ly making tracks with heels toward the University. "Many
are the friends who are waiting to-night" was played through
three times some accounts say five but still the curtain did
not move. There was an ominous silence all around, which
soon was replaced by several hundred indignant remarks when
a man in the audience went up and pulled back the curtain,
Ttvealing the following startling announcement: "Performance
postponed on account of sickness and stage-fright Tickets
good hereafter. Watch newspapers and small bills. We told
you to stay away; don't you wish you had ? "
The Nondescript wasn't there when this portion of the pro
gramme was enacted, but he is informed that a sight of the
faces that left the chapel immediately after was worth a small
fortune. The young men escorted their ladies home and then
held a mass meeting to consider ways and means. The con
dition of the artesian well was discussed, also the distance to
the big city well, and then it was agreed that the water was
cold enough in the noble Salt Following this came a yearn
ing to meet the editorial bsard of The Hesperian, but the
gentlemen composing that organization did not like to be dis
turbed at that hour of the night and had taken precautions to
avoid such a calamity. The mass meeting adjourned about
midnight, at which hour Warner was patting down the mHd
between here and "Roca, Killen was waiting at the foot of
jheB. & M. yards for a freight train, and the rest of the .gang
were secreted in various houses throughout the city, quietly
sleeping the sleep of the just
This closes our chapter of Charter Day history. The future
historian who finds a yellow copy of this issue of The Hespe
rian among the faded papers and half-burned books that he
digs from the ruins of the University, is hereby informed that
he can rely upon all he reads in these columns as being the
double-distilled essence of truth.
DEEP AND DAHK.
In Poehler's alter the contest Party of lumps of clay dis
cussing decision over half stews. Enter Ham Eddy and lady,
taking seats near the door, evidently without attracting the
attention of Frank Wheeler, who at once begins one of his
characteristic anecdotes. "Ham Eddy must be broke to-night
He rushed up and borrowed a dollar of me just as I was com-
what he wanted it for but that he just had to have it, so I cave
to him." Then in a horrified whisper, "Gee-nt'sa-Um
There he is now! How long has he been here?" It was done
with the skill and finish of an expert, and caused cold chills to
creep all over Mr Eddy, though he struggled to retain his
equanimity, and began an animated conversation with his
companion about the relative generalship ot brant and Eras
mus. The gang soon tired of watching his discomfiture, and
adjourned to the sidewalk to plan for a new campaign. An
idea was finally evolved, but the difficulty in its execution
lay in the fact that it required money. A protracted collection
resulted in the accumulation of ten cents. Laden with the
wealth, the elongated member of the class of '85 betook him
self to the A. D. T. Office where he found an ununiformed boy
and carefully drilled him inrbf star parrs of the new tragedy.
In a few minutes he returned. The gang Tanged themselves
around the sidewalk in picturesque groups. The victim was
pointed out The boy marched in. "Mr. Eddy, mother
wants that dollar that you owe her for washing, 'cause wc
havn't any meat in the house for Sunday." Expostulation.
Boy firm. Indignation. Young lady meditates fainting.
Proprietor called. Boy well trained, and still clamors for the
dollar. Bounced gently but firmly, receives his dime, and
retires happy. Oysters finished in the midst of a silence and
gloom dense enough to put out the electric light Carriage
called and curtain falls on first act Conclusion of play later.
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