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About Hesperian student / (Lincoln [Neb.]) 1872-1885 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 15, 1886)
THE HESPERIAN. ii NONDESCRIPT. THEY WON'T BE MISSED. Now some day it may happen that a "subject" must he found, (All of you keep whisht. Let cieryody whistJ) So we'll to alee a little diagram, and pass the same around, Of those who'd not bemissed who iutvt would be missed. There's the Janior always twisting an invisible mustache And the tutor in the corridor who's looking for a mash And the man who "hasn't studied," but recites the lesson pat, ("Forwehnowhe'sworkcd like hlazcsorhc couldn't answer that!") And debaters who will spout away till from offthc floor they're hissed They'd none of 'em be missed they'd none of 'em be missed. There's the Prep who drags his mud-hooks all along the stair-way mats And the Freshy with the single sole ejaculation, "Rats!" There's the co-cd whoprctends tobe too swell to like the slate And the pomp adoring idiot with that stiff hair on his pate There's the prodigy ""so brainy" who of his marks is proud And his opposite, the flunker, with his lying statements loud And thcrough and readymedicwho's so handy with his fist Thcy'duoncof'cm be missed we're jwrrthey'd not be missed. There's'hc man whoha.-.tohcm and hawbeforehecan begin, And the one who'd swallow poison 'fore he'd stop his wagging chin, And the man who gets off chestnuts 'bout the sire of people's feet And the thing with nothing to him 'cept his horrible conceit And the Frof. who gives you fifty 'stead of sixty for a mark And the reckless boys and girls who like to teeter after dark And the sentimental masher who calls himself a Platonist, We don't think he'd be missed we're sure he'd not be missed. There's the Treppy who imagines he will mash a Senior girl "Rushers" who will argue tell your head is in a v lurl All cranks who auestion Profs, and mystify the class All persons who enjoy the trick of turning off the gas There's the girl avho "leaves you" with a letter so polite. That you think she doesn't mean it and get left another night. There's the "towny" who will cutyou with a penetrating gaze. There's the awkward stair-ascender who keeps dodgingtHffer- ent ways, And who never can be missed, we've got him on the list. There's the man who from the book-shelves steals away all works of reference All wicked chaps who for j-our hat and rubbers show a pref erence All Profs, who are disposed to pun, and those who at them grin All imps who in the roading room keep up that horrid din All girls who seem like the sport of sliding down the stairs, And those who sit in groups thereon and block the thorough fares All funny college poets vho are "by the muses kissed" They never will be missed 'they never will be missed. foretelling the weather has become a regular profession. Not Hq be out done in such matters The HissrnKiAX has made arrangements to give prognostications. "We have a kpuciallinc to Washington add our news can be relied upon as the latest and the most correct The forecast for the com ing tern) U as follows: In Junior Physics, Sophomore History and Preparatory Latin, a higher temperature will prevail, but with occasional cold snaps followed by a few flunks. In Germany the weather will rcnain unsettled and unsatisfac tory, but generally cold. In France extreme cold for a few weeks, causing much exertion, some swearing, and perhaps a little study. The Freshmen may look for a mild but contin ued cold spell in mathematics, and in History will be certain 'to get thunder, lightning, liail, and perhaps ace-beres. The . ... ' , ., - - . ; . - seniors wm meet a neavy Jiog in 'psychology, i he Sopho mores will find the Old English weather cold, with winds shifting to the South, and but little sunshine. Precisely one week before the close of the term the Registrar will hang the cold wave signal on the bulletin, and for several days a howling blizzard will prevail. Then will come sweet peace, ditto Spring, and the congregation will rise and be dismissed. See if it don't. The medics are a good looking lot of fellows and this paper likes them, but our veneration for the truth and the whole truth wrings from us the admission that thc3 have no sand. If they were brave, "why did they hurry out with such frantic haste when that Tadiator in their lecture room began "thump ing?" If they had sand why were they so anxious to look at the front steps on the day that John was testing the safety valve? Why did they fairly fall over each other in their efforts to get away from the hiss of that innocent steam? Answers solicited He was a tramp. He limped into the office, wiped his boots on the brussels carpet, and grinned as though he ex pected to be recognised. But he wasn't. The Nondescript sized him up as a needy typographical tourist, and after giv ing him a iew forcible directions as to the distances and best walks to the city printing offices, returned to the weary task of deciphering Grossic Tolk's last joke, with the aid of dia grams, an atlas, and two lexicons. His trampship watched the painful proceeding for some time with a languid smile and finally broke ont wilh"Sa, you're the fellow who got up that alleged chestnut that appeared in the exchange column of your paper last time aren't you? Well 1 thought so. I was down at Kansas University when it appeared, and came right up here to look at you. Proud of the thing, are you? You ought to be" But why didn't j'ou label it? One man thought it was a turnip, another swore it was an onion, and a third thought that it was made to represent a broken heart. I knew what it meant at once because I'm a chestnut myself "College Chestnut' is what they call me. My business 3s to work for the college piess. Yes, its a pretty good business, but a little over done just now. Annual crop is pretty large, and then no one ever retires, as a chtstnut never gets too old to get a job on some fool college periodical. How many of us are there? Well about five hundred in active service I guess. You see a college paper is a queer thing anyway and different from any oilier kind. New editors are elected every few months, aud they are as green as grass. They'll print anything they come across think that a thing is new because they haven't seen it before. In that way the oldest and most worm-eaten chestnuts find pretty regular employment. For instance look at old FirstpaperpublishedatDarmouthin iSoawitbDanielWebsterasacontrlbutor. He is as bald as an onion, hasn't a tooth in his head and is too doorepit to am bulate, yet he appeared fifty-six times during the last year, and in some of the best papers too. Now you needn't smile, forhe's been engaged on The Hesi'BKIAN at six different times, and you hired him yourself once. Who iun I? Not an ordi nary plebeian chestnut, not much! I'm The Paiiodv, that's what, the most popular member of the family that works in the college world. I have more than I can do, and would looka'little more respectable if the walking was better be tween colleges. Well, guess I'll mosey down to Crete, and tacklelhc Owl folks for a job. They need something to 3ive em Tip: Next time j'ou fellows do a rope act .send for me -and 111 come and immortalize the thing in yerse. So-long."