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THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
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"I'm sick!" D.D. Forsyth.
That tho Talraago Iccluro cornea so Into iu tlio season as
tho twelfth of March is a most fortunate occurrence for
the impecunious student. He can then soak his winter
clothing with somo degree ot complaconcy.
Tho song portion of tho chapel sorvlce could ho greatly
improved by doubling tho present number of hymn books.
Six students can hardly imbibe enough inspiration from
one small book to enable them to warble harmoniously
To-day tho University is liftecn years old. She
has donned long clothes and high-hceled shoes, and now
wants a bustle, an ovcrskirt, and about ten yards of now
ribbon. Tho trim little maiden has worked faithfully for
Mother Stato, and should bo reworded with these trifles
before her next birthday.
Tho Sigma Chi recently received a "barbarian" to itt
bosom. Two other students who received invitations to
trount the sacred white elephant felt it their duty to de
cline with thanks. They were afraid that the height of
the quadruped would estrange them from their humble
fellows who remain on terra firms.
The pin of the new Phi Dolta Thota Eating Club con
sists of a shield-shaped meat platter on which is
placed a delicious spreud consisting of boiled cats eyes
surrounded by some Greek viand, name unknown. Over
tho platter is suspuidud a huge carving knife. The
whole mokes a very pretty and appropriate emblem.
One of the happiest marriages of old students this paper
haa ever recorded took place, in this city two weeks ago.
The parties most deeply interested in tho ceremony were
r. John N. Dryden and Miss Helen Holmes, both too
well known among our readers to need a word of intro
duction. The Student extends its ink-begrimed paw,
wishing the younj people all tho felicity ever granted to
inhabitants of this sphere.
A "Fat" preparatory student who is noted for his
social qualities, has extended his circle of acquaintances
to tho police force of tho city. One of the brassscoated,
bll'e-buitoncd angels of justice called at his room the
other day, and alter a pleasant littlo interview bonowed
the young gentleman's revolver. Tluu far he has neglec
ted to return it, and the injured student thinks of cutting
his acquaintance.
The weeping economists who lose so much sleep over
the unwholesome and scrimped diet of student bachelors,
should tnke a meat wilh some of that class. The Stubs NT"
or at least this portion of it, made the experiment (the
other day. The quality of the food and the cleanliness
of its preptration was enough to make un ordinary board
ing house heartily ashamed of itself. "Baching" at the
University of Nebraska is a success.
The date of the Palladiuu oratorical contest is at last
fixed with some degree of deflnileness. It will tkc place
on Saturday evening, March first, in tho year of our
Lord eighteen hundred and eighty-four. The contestants
number six, the Senior and Freshman cladscs having two
representatives apiece, the Juniors and Sophomores one
eacn. This will be the first contest of tho kind in tho
history of the institution unci cannot fail to draw a good
house.
Tho roaders of tho Student will please notico that tho
now hnnd nt tho crank of thta department is.nota humor-,
ist. He cannot bo funny, and sinccorly hopes that if lie
makes any attempt in that direction outraged public opin.
ion will cause his speedy banishment. A. sober and truthful
narration of the ovonts of our college life Is all that wc
can promise.
The young ladies of the Palladian society have organ
ized a "suro 'nufT" debating club. Regular meetings nro
held Saturday afternoon, at which timo feminluo elo
quence fairly fills the hall. Tho offlcors of tho now organ,
ization areas follows: President,-Anna Saunders; Vice
President, 8. Glen Talbot; Secretary, Mary Jones; Treas.,
Cora Fisher; Critic, Mary Campbell. When it comes to
the question of co-eds, the Pals claim to hold a full hand
of queens.
"As tho years glldo by," they seem to vie witli each
other in giving tho oxtcrinr of our University tho hardest
slap. Biting fro&ts and scorching suus have so loosened
and faded the red paint on the brick-work, while the
gentle rnins from Heaven, or some other locality, liavo
washed the coal dust from tho roof and spread it in artis
tic linca over the mansards and cornices. Of course wc
are not complaining. Students as a class cannot appreci
ate architectural beauty and tho slate is to poor to possess
it, anyway.
T'io prcsenco of tho Cadet Baud iu tho gallery, u dozen
or more students on the floor, nnd two University
boys among tho contestants at the recent awkward race
at the skating rink, evidently justifies a report of the pro
ceedings iu these columns. The first initiate in the slip
pery art to make six rounds of the rink was entitlad to a
pair of expert club skates. Five determined young men,
among them Clark and Johnson of the Freshman class,
entered the arena and allowed tho treacherous rollers to
be attached to their pedals. When tho word was glve.i,
Johneon started off bravely, but fearing that a skate was
becoming loose got down to fasten it. His haste under the
circumstances was quite natural, though we failed to see
how he could tighten a skate strap with his head resting
on his coat tails and his feel describing parabolas and
ellipses in the air. It was soon accomplished, however,
and the young man proceeded on his way, sitting down
every few yards for rest and reflection. Not caring to
win the prize, he spent his time in amusing tho audience.
Clark, on thu other hand, wanted the prize. An intense
ycaining for that glittering pair of club skates could be
read in his countenance as he carefully strapped on the rol.
'.era and balanced himself on the chalky floor. At the sound
jiof tho bell ho was off like the wind and by main strength
and awkwardness took tho front .place in the struggling
procession. With arms swinging like an okl.fushioned
wind-mill nnd leet describing every kind of a curve
known to mathematics, he pushed forward, now and then
dexterously brushing up the chalk from tho floor and pi no.
ing it conspicuously on tho back of his coat, until on the
third lap the nearest competitor was more than a round
iu the rear. Then a broken skuto compelled him to re
tire and endure the agony ot seeing the prize aw irded to
another. The race should have been repented. It was
absolutely certain that Mr. Clark would have been vic
torious hail it not been for the accident, and the entire
audience was fully convinced that thu honor belonged
to him.
SS3