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About Hesperian student / (Lincoln [Neb.]) 1872-1885 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 15, 1883)
THE HESPERIAN STUDENT. AV Kill nvmvicc tbn cnnt imnnt. of the StlulClUS, I Oil pllv ... ,1 -i -i. .. . Un,.(nfl I iiiiiiir bv iiny moro substantial assistance, pmvrhllv thoc whose nrivi lcxc it was to have siuu- I nb v ""j .... ,, , , cspcciaii) inoit wnusi. ijumujc ii t ,nn,8 wl,h m would require more In leci uncicr nun, nnu 10 ue pci-summy jn.41u11nvv.v1 ...... him, when we say that his resignation is greatly re gretted, and that whatever his future field may he, he will always carry with him the highest esteem and the good will of every s udenl of the 1 Tniversity. jpc gimlcute' rrjip jQook, liOltHS. It is nn event of rare occurrence to attend n public galhoiing or any inscription, IVom a Sunday sornion to a ciicus, hi which the ir.torosl is not dolrncted from the principal actors by the earnest co-operation oftho oiiiniproscent baby. In close proximity to the infant, and fondly attending its wauls with gratuitous aileotion, may bo seen its grandmother, her lap filled willi candy, erackcis, papa's walch and a variety of oilier things too numerous lo mention, with which while seeming to put a cheek lo Ihclilliputhtns cospicmusiicss, she sedu lously causes it to become the observed of all observer.. The world is tather unequally divided on Iho question of tliu intrinsic worth of this particular bit of humanity. The mother and a smnll minority of its moro partial rel atives, regard the urchins "fieedom of cr " as Iho all im poitant idea of modern civil ix.ntion. The vast majority of mortals wish with an intensity proportionoal to their distance fiom the cieature, that the river Ganges llowed somewhere in llie vicinity. However much discomfort is impelled into the globe by the cmhryoeiix.cn, Iho unhappincss thereby arising sinks into nothingness when computed with the genuine misery occasioned by the displaying of the ideas born from some men's brains. Willi what maternal care does the genuine bore con trive to bring his ideas most liiesomely heft re his unfor tunate friends and acquaintance!-. "What a desperate sliuggle they make lo avoid his hobbies and how sig nally arc they defeated. That man should have been cxtnW'd with a propensity to pray upon the good-naluro of his race, is a 111 niter of wonder; but since this faculty exists, it may perhaps be advisable to classify Iho vast army of bores and devise some means for their cute or coneclion. The class which presents iiself as first in malignity comprises those who were born with an idea which, like a sponge, lias absorbed the entile brain: the idea of ones magnitude. In this vast world of ours, so richly endowed with the intellects of millions of philos ophers of past time, no hobby is more inexcusable and liteially worthless than tins. The egotist needs no des cription. Give him but time and he speaks for himself. Hut one cure is known for absolute egotism. Instant death, alone, will drive this idea fiom this orb and that be as complete a victory as the finite can hope over the infinite. The man of sorrow is merely a dimorphic typo of tins class. On the brightest day his face is a thun der cloud. If he has 110 misfortunes of his own, lie will be very glad to groan with someone else. To him this wicked generation is a source of llie greatest comfort, lie can weep over (his abstraction when all other trouble fails him. Pity him. Kill him with pily if you will. Surleil H:: w'"- U : ' l Ve menial dv"c' ' Hut don't luingino you can euro him of grum- To stop bor than to dam a liver wllh a sieve. A harmless modillelion or the egotist is lie who fancied Mint ho has an original Idea. Contact wllh his superiors works a decided care and after losing his hobby ho becomes a useful man. A largo genus particularly dissatisfied lo the fair sex Is the May-I-sre.j ou-homo young man. The bores of Ibis slump aro distinguishable by llicir canes, cigaielles and hats on 0110 side of llie head; but Iho badge of all their tribe is the air or uneasy watchfulness which they evlilhlt at tho door or the church and oilier places or public gathering. Decided mittens are conductive to the recovery oflhcso maniacs and the daughters of Eve would do well to ad minister the lemcdv in allopathic quantities. Hut of all mix.orablo wretches who bore humanity Iho most demor- alx.od copy of divinity is tho one who rides a borrowed or stolen hobby. One can endure being talked at with ideas slightly lincluied with originality, but lie who is fired at with tho thoughts of a man of genius loaded into a 22 caliber brain may say with authority "This is lie most unluiidesl act of all."llowover the man who don't know where 10 stop has perpetuated more injustice upon humanity than all other bores combined. In lecture or set moii ho consumes his hearers patience even more lav ishly than his lime. Long before his peroration or bone diction, llie audience must beat a retreat cr remain a sac rifice to a temporal monopoly. In telling a story llie laugh has left for more congenial quarters before lie ar rives at the place where it should appear. The disper sion of his audience is probably the only means of curing his malady without tho aid of a surgeon's knife. Beyond a doubt thcoe remdies if applied would effect the longed for reformation of Boredom. But owing lo the intimate relationship between it and Iho rest of man kind they are impracticable. The freeing of the world from tli e bondage of boredom lias perplexed many a phi lanthropist of old. Horace says Unit the Gods alone cau free us fiom such an incubus. A more modern writer suggests the appointment of olllcers in every city, whoso business it should be to listen to the monologues of these very persons. Tho olllcers are to bo neatly uni formed on the coal of which shall lie placed a button as large as a door knob. Whenever a bore attacks one, all (hat is to be done is to lead him up to an ofliccr, lay his hand on the button, say your adieu and allow the bore to eirervesce on one who is paid for listening. Thus much valuable time and long suffering patience would bo saved. In addition to the assistance of tho gods and man with the door kn bs, but one thought may be suggested. If each should make a personal examination of himself unless he belongs to the class of incurable cgolisls whoso proper homo is not on this orb, by having 11 little moro regard tor the feelings of others, it is possible that the whose system of boring can be wiped out of the laud. A PLEA. Of all the errors of this egotistical ago, none Is moro nppnronl than tho abuse, misrepresentation nnd want of appreciation of the restraining, steadying' corrective in llucnces of conservatism. Il lias become common willi some superficial thinkers if, indeed, we ought to c . " :' ois ,.t all to brand a'l 1 c .-. .-. '. !-V:i &-PK