HptH
THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
7
0. A. Smith our old champion runner ami jumper le
again with us. We welcome his return.
x uoom to rem, wiui use ot rmno. uoou cuauco ior a
couple wishing to study music. Boarding If desired.
, Apply nt 1150 R. St.
The strectscars, concerning which so much has beeu
said lately, arc now in running ordur. This will bo good
news to i host of our "tired" students.
Students it will pay you to examine the pictures mndo
by Kellcy & Co. before silting olsewnro. Have you seen
that daisy University Panel they give gratis?
Wo have been credibly informed thnt the Seniors have
entered into a base and malicious league to obtain the mo.
nopoly of the University moustaches. Five new ones
have already been engrafted on their part.
The state convention of the Y. M. C. A. will meet in
this city on the 22ond and continue till the 25th. Gen
eral O. O. Howard commanding the department of the
Piatt will probably attend the convention.
In a history class the other day the Freshman sticks
had much trouble in locating the river Styx. If the
Sophomores had been a little stronger on cane day some
of the class might have explored this stream free of
charge.
A chapel choir is our latest improvement. For it we
nrc very grateful and hope that the music hereafter will
not so much resemble a Freshman serenade aa it does at
present.
Fresh to First Prep: "Why is n man carried by his
youngest child to be pitied ?" First Prep : "Don't know."
Fresh : "Because he Is on his last legs." N. B. One
less Freshman.
For sale: A new guitar, warranted sound in wind and
limb. Will play anything from "Peek-a-boo" to "Mont
rose" and never needs winding up. Burns cither wood
qr coal. Satisfactory reasons for selling: the owner is
"busted." Address this office.
Hallowe'en has passed and gone for this year, and the
gates, fences and door-bclls may have a rest for a time.
So mo of the boys say that arrest was also after many of
the Hallowe'encrs. We sincerely hope that all of the ser
cnucters who were howling around may not be obliged to
pay for torturing humanity in such an execrable manner.
The gate stealers can't compare with them in fiendish
ness. V Few things occasion more genuine and unadulterated
trouble than forgelfulness. One of our new femininities
discovered the force of this axiom when she accepted two
invitations for the same evening. Both would-be-escorts
were ou hand and much crabarassment ensued before one
found out thai he was not needed on escort duty that
evening. The puelline hereafter will keep a calendar
of her engagements.
Some scandal vender has started the vague and rather
indefinite rumor that one of our Sophomores hugged a
lamp-post last Friday night till he choked off the gas
and put out the light. Mr. Allen Is considerably on his
' ear about it and wishes us to state that it-is a false fabri
cated, falaciuud, fallacy, and that if he can once get his
arms around the wretched author, he will squeeze off his
gas and make the firo of his existance die out.
The luxl man that comes to our window and tries to
Imitate Calanders funny mau in saying "Peek.a-boo,"
had belter purchase his funeral robe and cofin ; engage
his undertaker, minister, etc. ns a sentauco of death will
bo immediately pronounced and the proper officer will
conduct the execution.
One of our coseds hands us the following, which is the
mournful wall of n Prep:
Tell mo not, In mournful numbers,
That you linvo an Invitation
Ero my notchas roached Its station;
And slates aro not what'thoy seem.
Tho door of the medical school borcthe homely though
forcible motto, "Stiffs wanted." So here by wo will give
them a well one. The medical college is a grand thing
for the University and for tho ctnbrj'o meds.of tho West.
By.thc-way It is a rare thing to find a much fairer look,
ing set of young men than the students of thie depart
ment. The rear of the college building has been ornamented
by a ruffled, galvanized water pipe, running from the
roof diagonally across the bulldlug. Some of tho fresh
preps have already mistaken them for the Doane College
telescopes, but we assure them that they are not. At
any rato they, in connection with the plastering of the
chapel, aro things of beauty and joy forever.
Our cadets make a good appearance on drill now, an
unusually large number have registered and a largo
amount of interest ismanifcsted. We heard a fair dam
sel, with bright blue eyes and golden hair, enquire; "what
those blue rags were on the boys arms for?" The un
principled qulzzcereplled that they' were marks for ill-'
conduct.
We have some literary talent prowling about the Uni
versity building these balmy days, but it makes us wax
wroth to be obliged to state that their chief acquirements
in that line are the books they .take from the windows
and forget to return. "We think it would be well if our
janitor wouldjexercise his duties as policemen more, and
give the rascals a chance to breed some scabs.
Job was afflicted witli poor crops, boils, etc. to an un
comfortable extent, but he never had a gang of hoodlums
coutinually coming into his office, overturning has type,
jumping on his bed with their muddy fet and raising
hobgenerally. The Hesperian board has siraplylsat down
on this system of affaire and rise to baug the table and
state once for all that our offlice hours are from 9 to 12.
Editors aud visitors are then admitted, provided they
keep out side the railing. If the public and students
wish to gaze into the infernal regions at other hours than
these they must peek through the window. Wo hope a
word to the wiso will be sufficient
This year the University is very prolific iu crainaling
new organizations. The latcst.is an anti-circumlocatiug
society, organized by the boys, for the prevention of elec
tric communications among students. The condition of
membership is that no member uhall escort feminities
who electrofy, to any place whatever. The further By
laws will appear in our next. Thejsociety itself is com
paratively harmless but the committee on investigation
may well be eyed with suspicion by the femininity
These radical reformers wear no badge but by their pe
culiar sancity of appearance and the promicity of their
