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About Hesperian student / (Lincoln [Neb.]) 1872-1885 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 15, 1883)
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THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
A lazy man's soliloquy: "I would bo quite willing to
sit up at my meals if I could ouly lay down nt my
work." Ex1 i
For general perfection in get up, our Bus. Man. as
sues us that the Transcrip, captures tlio cocoanut. On
rellec-lion wo agree with him.
"Subscriber" asks: "Which is tlio best way to tell a
rotten egg?" If you havo anything to tell a rotten egg.
the best way is to use tlio telephone. Ex.
It is real funny sometimes to see a lady hail a street-care,
You can't tell by her maneuvers -whether she's counting
tho passengers, ilirting with the driver' or trying to scare
the mules. Ex.
Real Etiquette Quest; "Don'tyou know any better
than to walk into my room without rapping? you see I
am all undressed." Servant; Oh! you needn't excuse
yourself, mum, I don't mind." Ex.
So tho board of editors under which tho Student Vis
itor labors, express their intention of making the Vis.
itor n "first class literary journal." "Well they are cer
tainly succeeding in making it a first class literary
"Pomade, sir?" politely said a barber to a crank cus
tomer in his chair. "No he growled, "I don't want any
olemargarine on my head!" "All right, sir," replied the
cranium manipulator, "I never put buttei on a cabbage
A new friend nppoars on the top of our pile Volantc
by name. Wo are unable to criticize it unless, perhaps,
we might find fault with tho large size oi tho type em
ployed in its makeup. Tho matter embodied in the type
is good and the general appearence is altogether pleas
ing. What to her was lovo orhopo?
What to her was Joy and caro?
Sho stopped on a bar of soap
That tho janitor left on tho top-most stair.
And her feet flow out llko wlldflrcro things,
And sho struck each stair with a sound llko a drum :
And tho Janitor below with tho scrubbing things
Laughed like a fiend to seo her como.
A Weeping Water lady dropped in on one of her
neighbors, for an afternoon call. "How is your son ?"
she inquired. "Splendid ho has just got back from tho
niversity, where ho ciphered clear through from ambi.
ion to chemical fractures, and then he took up pottery
and jobbery and says ho can speculate tlio internal
At a fashionable breakfastnenr Boston, the hostess ex
tended a number of graceful courlesics toward an el
derly nentlcman who wns present, eliciting tho inquiry
from him: "What should we do without the ladies?"
Tho old response was made in reply: "Have a ta0iiation."
Shortly afterwards a special courtesy on tlio pnrt of the
elderly gentlonan oalledoultho inquiry: "What should
we do without the gentlemen?" A gifted Ilnrtford
lady who was among tho guests replied impromptu:
'Have a donation." Ex.
Freshman of unrighteous proclivities war detected us
ing a translation tho other day and it Is going hard with
him. Ho wants lo know if that was Homco's meaning
when ho said post equitem scdet atra eura. Ex.
Another new suit. The Wcslcyan Bee appears in a
green cover with a cut ol tho University, very noatly xc
cutcd, as trimming. The paper upon which tho Dee is prin
ted is not nearly as good us was used in tho old style, but
probably the corps of editors will make amends for tho
pnrslmoniousncss of tho business manager by giving to
their patrons some literary matter worthy of tho name.
The compositors made several mistakes in tho sotting
up of the exchange column of our last number and If tho
truth must bo told, tho editor is also in fault, owing to
his neglect to carefully read the proof. Wo would bo
pleased to have the Occidental Mirror Introduce Into our
nolico of it the word "hotter" where It will do tlio most
good. It will make tho sense better. We arc sorry about
the poor appearance our page presented and wo will not
let It occur again.
The posMnan has just fired tho September number of
the Adelphian through our office door. Upon examining
it we are exceedingly disappointed to find that tlio beauti
ful pictures that so much adorned tiie pages of tlio last
volume, arc omitted. We hope that litis unwelcome
change is not a permanent one. If it is wo are afraid
U.at the paper will be less attractive, unless tho literary
departments arc enough bettered to compensate fo: tho
discontinuation of tho "piotutesquo" part.
The Asbnry Monthly Haunts the bloody shirt in our fa
ces. In other words it appears in a surprisingly now
colored cover. We cannot exactly state what tho
peculiar reddish shade is called but, we believe that it is
"masticated mongoose" or "extinguished elephant" or
something of that sort. Tlio shape of the Asbury Is
very much improved and probably it is changed for tho
belter. Wo will frame a copy of it and hang it over our desk
and possibly we may get used and inured to the remark
able brilliance of the cover.
We would'nt be an editor on a weekly paper for all
the trade dollars in circulation. It is a continual source
of amazement to us that the corps of the Badger and
Press, our Wisconsin friends, never give vent to any
expressions of insanity in tho columns over which they
preside. Tho Mephistophelcs of our olllco duna us for
copy 0 often that we cannot understand how a moro
frequent visit from this fiend can bo endured without a
relapse into lunacy. Perhaps this apparent immensity
from a maniacs doom is owing to the climate of Wis
consin since ico can bo obtained in that latitude at
If the College Student don't let that "Fat student" have
a little needful rest and recreation "something will havo
to be did." It is surprising how very flat the humor of
the College Student is becoming. If the amaluro Mark
Twains and Robert Burdetts with which our schools and
Universities are swarming could bo consolidated into
one man, his genius would bring him world-wide re
noun. But when each of the embryonic humorists havo
enough innate wit to write only one good tiling a year
and when they insist upon inflicting two columns n
month on their unhappy readers, it becomes decidedly
monotonous after u few experiences.
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