THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
"Prof., what's the difference between
assembly and assemblage?" " Why, the
latter has not Hie dignity of the former.
You can speak of an assemblage of nl.
most anything of old dry goods boxes
but you could hardly speak of an assem.
bly of old dry goods boxoj."
Earnest Sjwakcr: " Mr. President, I
tell you that the best part of our exercises,
the debates, are being neglected Mr.
President, I am sorry to say it is becom
ing the custom of our members, the min
ute the debate is announced, to grab and
run! " Voice, (from back part of the
hall,) "Grab what?"
The ladies' reception room received
considerable attention from George, last
week. Its appearance is much improved,
but the walls sadly need a coat of calci
mine. As it is the observer is stunned by
inscriptions like "Nellie ; dnrn
school!" or something else equally
pointed.
The Faculty meeting of week before
last was unusually, brisk. Volumes of
eloquence came lolling out from the
Chancellor's office, reminding one of a
Freshman oration or a Sophomoric do
bate. Of course students arc not expected
to know wlrnt mailers are discussed at
these happy little gatherings.
The financial condition of the Student
is at present more satisfactory than it has
been for years. The expenses of the term
have been met and a neat balance remains
which will be applied to the " old debl.'
Lei the students only give us the ncces
sary support and we promise that their
organ will be worthy of the institution it
represents.
The Conservatory of Music is spreading.
During the vacation the room west of the
chemical laboratory was fitted up and is
now in use by that department. It is also
reported that a new teacher has been en
gaged by the Director, and other prepara
made for extending the work. Wo are
glad to note these evidences of the pros
perity of the conservatory.
The professor of modern languages ex.
plained to the class that Maedchen mean1
simply a servant girl, while Maedltin
meant much more, a neat, sweet, little
girl. He did not wish the class to con
found litem, eltuer. He was compelled lo
acknowledge, however, by a determined
Junior, that a Maedchen sometimes, under
some circumstances, might be called a
Maedlein,
The unruly telephone in the Chancel
lor's office is to bo moved to some other
part of the building. It talks too much
during reoitations. When tlio removal
is made, we respectfully suggest that the
wires bo run to the building from the
side aud not the front, as at present. The
ungainly poles are a nuisance where they
are, but would attract no attention if
placed at either of the side entrances.
The following beautiful poem was left
in Chapel the oilier day by some young
lady. W offer a pound of gum to the
girl plucky enough to claim it.
Wlvos of great men all remind ub
We may have our wives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind ub
Widows worthy of our time.
Therefore, give your wife n eond-off
By the life Insurance plan;
Fix her so that when you glldo off
She can scoop another man.
He read a long and dreary essay aloud.
The class observed that the instructor was
growing sleepy over it and they amused
themselves at the reader's expense. The
reader was just too solemn for anything
and thought his grave production was
being listened to with marked attention.
When lie turned the twentieth leaf and sat
down the professor opened his eyes with
a start and said, "Yes, yes, very good,
ah, had a very soothing effect on the
chair."
The modest Missouri girl who tells
strangers that during the war the enemy
threw up bust-works on her father's farm
lias been excelled by one of the fair Uni
versltites, and that dapper young clerk in
the 0 street dry goods store was the vic
tim. At the first snap of cold weather
she went to the store for leggings, but her
innate bashfulness caused her to ask il he
could sell her a pair of limbingsl Hose
joke is that?
The Student ofllcc can boast of but
window, and that, a small one on the north
side of tho building. It affords light
enough for one compositor during a few
hours in the middle of the day. If the
Pegents will but assign us one of the
large, well-lighted rooms in the basement
we will be deeply grateful. The only ex
pense, that of Hooting and plastering, will
not make a very serious inroad into the
money-bags of the University.
The sociable held in the society halls
on the evening of the 2Hrd was a success,
notwithstanding a largo number of the
sludciiB had gone home for the recess. In
point of numbers the affair was not as
good as we have seen, but in enjoyment it
was immense. Now let these sociables
lie held often. They aro needed. Willi
out acquaintance and sociability the life
of a student is a dull one, and perhaps our
University is behind in this matter.
Ttev. James Worloy, ('80) has received
the appointment from tho Methodist Gen
oral Council, of missionary to northern
China. This is a field of tho gentleman's
own seeking and we wish him well. Ho
will bo accompanied by his wife. Six
months aro to be passed in a missionary
school iu China, at first, learning the lan
guage. Tho salary is larger by some
hundred dollars than Mr. Worlcy's present
stipend and the traveling expenses arc
paid. When he returns he proposes to do
il by going on west, around the world.
What will our graduates do next?
We are always on the look out for some
thing startling, and we've found it A
little Prep, girl confided to us, the other
day, the tollowing scheme which will
make the trade in peanuts better than that
in handkerchiefs: Breaking the shell
gently, I am mashed on you. Crushing it
savagely, Why will you break my heart?
Slipping the shell in the pocket, We must
be secret. Throwing it away, You aro
fired out. Swallowing the peanut whole,
I am yours alone. Eating niincingly, Go
slow. Tossing it up and catching il in
the mouth, Some other evening. Awful,
isn't it?
The very latest scheme is that of the
Pal Indian society in the way of promoting
interest in debates. There are to be three
pi eliminary debates in which 11113' member
of the society can lake part, speaking five
minutes the first time.- and three minutes
the second. The question to be debated
is to he given by a committee consisting
of Prof. Howard, E. E. Brown and Judge
Mason, who also keep a score of marks
and announce the six best debaters. From
tho best speakers found in the preliminary
debates six, the highest six of all, are
chosen to take part in a grand prize de
bat' on the 2nd or June. The first pro
limlnary debate takes place January fj.
Mr. Don Clark is the originator of this
scheme, and the Student thinks it a
good one and hopes the hoys will take
hold heartily and makes the debates close
and interesting.
Persons arc liable to bo mistaken and
then, while laboring under certain delu
sions, to make very wild statements. We
heard a capital story the other day to illus
tratethis. A professor, who was a bachelor
gave a little "spread "one evening to a
couple of tho students. On tho table
stood a very pretty cut glass decanter
filled with something that looked wonder
fully like sherry and winch lit up well
under the lamp light. By tho decanter
were two dainty glasses which the profes
sor filled with the sparkling liquor, after
supper, and offered to the boys. One Iicb
itatcd to drink. Ho didn't know ho
really thought--would the facultyper
haps he hadn't better drink with a pro
fessor? Tho good natured host would
take no excuses, said it was all right and
thought his gueBt would recognize tho
drink tho moment he tasted it. Upon
this tho modest youth tnstod, found it
good, but could not toll what it was. The
professor said he could pardon his. ignor
ance of wines, but was surprised that ho
did not know tho flavor of cold tea.
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