mam
NO. 4.
LOOAIi NEWS.
01
to u bush fill speaker, to most of Ilium il
Is very annoying. A guard will be
placed on duly at the next meeting, with
instructions to seize the first culprit
found meddling with the gas metre, slioot
him through the head, cut his throat and
then throw him from the cupola. A
special tax has been levied to defray the
funeral expenses.
This stereotyped way of putting things
is getting monotonous; why not vary itV
How would something like this do? "A
beautiful and accomplished baby arrived
at Tom Smith's this morning. It has a
host of friends in the city who will be de
lighted to go and look at it at the earliest
opportunity:" and put the other thus;
"Hank Jones came into out office this
morning carrying a box of cigars and look,
ingasifhc owned all North America.
It's his wife's sister and she weighs 140 "
A Gaud.
"Ye Local" takes tills opportunity of in
forming the Public, thai he has not been
lighting, and, moreover, does not believe
that the exercise of the "Manly art" is
justifiable in any case, except, of course,
upon contributors of original poetry. If
il is inybody's business that our eye is
blacked and how it came so, we will stale
that the coloring was done in the practise
of a new and vigorous athletic game, just
introduced. Instruction will be given on
reasonable terms, at ovir grounds on S S,
between 13th and lttli. Now please har
ass our friends no more with inquiries a
how lue diillcully originated, the p es
eut statu of feeling between the parlies, &e.
PERSONALIA.
Will Garhcr is quite sick witli some
kind of throat disease.
Miss Minnie Codding lias been sick
for several days, but lias now about recov
ered.
A.ltusscl Keim, '81, who has been ab
sent from the University on uccouul of
sickness, is with us again.
8. W. Miles, '79, who was absent last
term, is back and coming down the home
stretch.
C. N. Li I tie, '79, who was out last term
is on hand doing his last term's work in
the University.
Mr. Sllvernail, having finished his con
tract for repairing the Normal School
building, lias returned.
I. L. Burcli has lefi school. He could
not ob:ain an excuse from military drill
and rather than to submit to compulsory
drill, and buy a suit for which he had no
use, lie quietly packed up and 'left. Mr.
Bureh was one of l ho best students wc
had, and his departure was a serious loss
to Ihe University. The moral suggests
itself.
SCIENTIFIC SCINTILLATIONS.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
GllIM PltOF:.
Ciiakminq Miss;
Young Botanist;
LOU UM: Itooin of Natural Sclenueu.
Orim Prof., "Mr. Q., what is a biennial
plant?" Mr. Q., (quickly,) "One that
sprouts twine a year, sir."
Charming Miss, "The Sweet Williams
arc ornamental, too, are they not?"
Orim Prof., (relaxing with a beaming
smile,) ''Yes, and the Sweet Marys, too!"
Orim Prof, "And what are the ends of
stamens?
Young Botanist, (with a theological
turn of mind,) "Aulhems, sir!''
Orim Prof, "All animals have four
limbs"
Charming Miss, "Don't angels have
wings and arms both?"
Orim Prof ( a la Whistler,) "No, that
is a monstrosity of art."
C. M. relaxes.
To be continued.
v