NO. 8.
EDITOR'S table.
475
"The melancholy (lays have come, the
saddest of the year;" the candidates are
counted out and so is lager beer-
Tlie proper time for a girl to marry is
after she has counted up her cash and
found that she can support herself in case
her husband turns politician.
There was nothing but a plain slab at
the head of the mound, but the simple in
scription upon it. tells its own sad story:
" He was umpire in a close game."
Jefferson said: " I would rather live in
a-country with newspapers and without a
govcrment, than in a country with a
government but without newspapers."
An honest Hibernian, who had blamed
the clergy for taking a tenth part of the
people's prosperity, exclaimed: "Ay,
they would take a twentieth if they
could!"
An old lady from the south said she
never could imagine where all the Smiths
came from, until she saw in a New Eng
land town, a large sign, " Smith's Manu
facturing Company."
A naturalist claims to have discovered
that crows, when in Mocks, have regularly
organized courts, in which they sit
around and try offenders, a sort of
crow-bar, so to speak. Boston Olobe.
Love impresses its tender imago on all
its environments. Even the scattered
peanut shells at the front gate, Monday
morning, are silent witnesses of its all
embracing sway. Boston Transcript.
"What would you say if you should see
the Indians coining right down upon you
now?" asks an Oregon paper. Haven't
given the question much thought, but
strikes us wo would say, " Excuse my
back." Detroit Post.
A man bet another ten dollars that he
could tell him how much water to a quart
went over the Palls of Niagara in a year.
The bet was taken. " How much?" was
the question. " Two pints to a quart,'
replied the flrst, as lie pocketed the wa
gov. Chicago Com. Advertiser.
A Nebraska minister preached an hour
and three quarters last Sunday, and by
that time the pews were about emptied,
and as the last worshiper collared his
hat and slid out, the disgusted preacher
asked the choir to sing "Nothing but
leaves."
At an early hour on the morning of the
12th Inst., at Lancaster, Pa., sixteen mask
ed Freshmen and two sophs., of Franklin
and Marshall college, entered the room of
two well-known Sophmorcs and compell
ed them to repeat the Greek alphabet
backward and humbly beg pardon for
past offences.
The other day a visitor surprised Rich
ard Grant "White saying to his baby:
"On-ny, no-ny, c mussy tick hick his
ittie footsy tootsies out fum undy zc
hi an ley wanky oz e catch coly woly an'
have ze snuffles." Just then he caught
sight of the visitor, and said to the infant:
" No, no, you must not expose your pedal
cxtiemities by extending them beyond
the protecting cover of the blanket, or
you will lay your system open to attacks
of catarrhal affections." And the aston
ished child shrieked as though some one
had winged it with a defective safty pin.
(IHAMMATIOAIi TAUTOLOQY.
I'll provo tho world that I've made my tlicmo
In that Unit may bo doubled without any blnnio;
And Unit that that, thus trebled, 1 may uso,
Ami thnt Unit that that critics may abuse
May bo correct. Further tho doiib to bother
Flvo thatx may closely follow ono another!
For It la Bhown that wo may safely write
Or say Unit that that that that man writ was
right ;
Nay o'on that that that that that that followed
Thro' six ropoats, the grammer ruloliashallow'd;
And that that that (that that that that began),
Repeated seven times in right! Deny if you can.
Jitchard Grant White.
EDUCATIONAL NOTES.
The Oberlin billiard hall has been clos
ed. Dartmouth has just celebrated its 117th
anuiversary.