Jtfo. 0.
Emtok'b TaiujK.
421
certain noun was. Thu pupil quickly re
plied: "I think its neuter, sir. At uny
rate it 's nou-tor-mo.
"Qenllemen, I introduce to you my
friend, who isn't as .stupid as he appears
to ho." Introduced friend with vivacity :
"That's precisely the difference between
my friend and myself."
A fellow recently put his head in the
window of a dairy and yelled, "Has any
thing remarkahle u-curd horeV" Then
all the girls creamed and the men ran
out and drove him awhey.
Medical student to his Professoi :
" Prof., how is a man to tell a mushroom
from a toad-stool hotanically speaking,
glly vii professor: "By eating it, sir. If
you live it is a mushroom; if you die, it
is a toad-stool.
Two tramps stopped at the house of a
lone widow and one went in to beg. Ve
ry soon he came out with a black eye.
'Well did you gel any thing, Jack V" ask
ed the other. " Yes," growled the poor
sufferer, " I got the widow's might."
The age of compliments is pastl We
never hoar now so witty a compliment as
that of Sydney Smith's to his friends Mrs.
Tigho and Mrs. Cuffo;"Ah! there you
arol the cuff that everyone would be glad
to wear, and the tie that no one would
lose."
Hlizabotb C. Clophano, Jocoasod, wrote
"Nim-'y and Kino." Molroso, Scotland,
was her home. The hymn was contribu
ted to a childs paper. Mr. Sankoy's eye
fell upon it during his railway journey
from Glasgow to Hdinburg. Ho adopted
il, and it is now sung in every land. Lit.
Notes.
An inebriate stranger precipitated him.
self down stairs, and on btriking the land
ing reproachfully apostrophized hlmsell
with: "If you was a-wanlin' to oomo
down stairs, why in thunder did n't you
say so, you wooden headed old fool, an'
I'd a come witli yon, an' a showed you
the way?"
Lady and gentleman arguing vigorous
ly, as to whether there are any female an
gels. He: "Well, I can prove from scrip
ture that there are no women angels."
She: " Oh, no, you can n't." He: "Yes;
you must remember the passage, ' And
there was silence in Heaven for the space
of half an hour,'" She
It was the proprietor of an American
lunch-counter who said: " I care not who
makes the laws of the country if I may
make its Sandwiches.', And he finished
hammering out the bottom of one, weld
ed the upper crust down to it, brazed the
edges, tempered it, and laid it in the sun
and tilled out a blank burial permit while
he waited for the next customer.
When a young man from Harvard is
asked if ho will allways love her thus, ho
does not answer: "Will a duck swim?"
Science has taken the place of poetry,
and he answers: "Will evolution irom
the unconditional working in protoplasm
by accretion and absorbtion produce tho
organic cell V" Then he asks languidly if
there are any cold beans about tho house
The Germans have found out that by
feeding animals partly on aniline dyes,
color of every variety may bo imparted
to the llosh. So that it may be possible
to dino oil' Magonta beef, ultra-marine
cutlets, Solfcrino steaks, vormilliou chops
and mauve chicken. Wo have no objec
tion to green peas, but incline to the opin
ion that theho highly colored meats will
he simply dye-abolical.
Minister (portentiously); "James, this
is a very dreadful thing! You have heard
mere is a bank note missing from the
box V" James, (tho soxton who is strong.
ly suspected): "James, you and I alone
have had access to that box." James;
"It's just as ye say, sir; ilmust lie between
us twa. An' tho best way'll bo you to pay
tho twa half, an' I'll pay tho tether, an'
say nil' niair about it." Studanl Life
A largo man, who sat on tho wharf fish
ing recently gave his opinion with regard
to hard times. Ho said the trouble was,
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