282
LocAii News.
Vol, vii,
IB'. H
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n ;i
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Our modest young man will brcntlio ens
ior when somo ingenious clmp invents a
turkey-curving contrivance that works by
a crank, like an npple-purer.
An Irishman, having been told that the
price of bread had been lowered, exclaim
ed: "Tills is the first time 1 ever rejoiced
at the full af my best friend."
" Have you a suit of clothes here to lit a
large body of water?" "No, but wo can
send you a needle and thread with which
to sew a potatoc patcli on the pants of a
tired dog."
A would be suicide wrote these farewell
words to his wife. "Dear Mary, when
my body is dragged out of the river th'.'y
can identify it by the linen patch you sewed
in the seat of my black cloth trowsers."
Squabbles, an old bachelor, showed his
stocking, which he had just darned, to a
maiden lady, who contemptuously remark
td : "Pretty good for a man darner." And
Squabbles remaiked; "Yes, good enough
for a woman, darn her."
Joseph Cook says that "the innermost
laughter of the soul at itself it rarely hears
more than three times without hearing it
forever." That is to say, the subcutane
ous cachinaliou of the ogo at tiie cgoic di
lemma conforms to the old nile three
times and out.--Worthcster Press.
The Sopomore class are surveying the
campus with Prof. Quinby. After some
time spent in attempting to quiet the nee
dle, Prof. Q remarks that " something
seems to attract the needle." " I am con
sidered rather attractive," puts in it Soph.
" Brass doesn't attract, Mr. L ," and
they whoop it up for that brazen Soph.
Campus.
A thick-headed Squire, being worsted
by Sydney Smith in an argument, took
his revenge by exe'aiming: "If I had
an idiotic son I would make him a par
son." "Very likely," replied Sydney,
" but I secyour father vas of a different
opinion.
LOCAL NEWS.
Happy New Year!
Are you suspended for ?
Glad to see you in school this term.
Did you have a good time during va
cation? Girls, why are you so rude in chapel ?
Just look at the boys they don't whisper
and make disturbances.
We arc glad to see so many of the old
students in school this term, but sorry that
we cannot behold more new faces.
Prof. Bailey haskalsomined his room,
and carpeted his rostrum. Prof, now has
the nicest little room in the building.
It is said that a certain Prep is some
limes heard singing, " Some poor fainting,
trembling Seaman I may rescue, I may
save."
It is very strange, iiideed, that the
boys will come to society alone, after the
lecture of Mrs. Smiles, and tumble the
criticisms of the Palhullan critic.
A student having received an invi
tation to nt lend a party on Teusday eve,
secretly enquired of a fellow student:
"Does that mean Monday night?"
There is to be a Teachers' Conven .
lion, February U, in the Iligli School
building. Lecture in the evening by Pro
fessor Thompson. All students an: invit
ed. Girls, if you want to sing como to
chapel where you can give vent to all
your musical talent. Don't go into the
music room and sing during chape ex.
crcises.
Occasionally we see a lonely Cadet
wandering through the halls as if he were
longing for Spring to return, when he
may take his musket and march over the
campus.
Mr. E. P. Unangst has a spelling
school occasionaly, and if any ot the
students want to dhow their ignorance
in spelling, they should go out somo Sat
urday eve.