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8
THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
wwTt.'afeeBwnwfiBr ! 'at vjjJsttesvwtJSUm
Vim Cry of Intemperance.
I inn dying, Toniporanco, dying,
I can fuel my life-blood flow,
Thou hail caused tho dart to untcr,
Tliou hast dealt tho fittal blow.
Kings niul queeiiH have bowed before inn,
Potentates huvu liuon my hIuvjs,
Wealth and honor ntooped to worship.
And accept it drunkard' grave
All the world ha noon my glory,
All linvo full my filial power,
Men to buatn huvu turned before nit'.
In a wuak, unguarded hour.
I have canned tho widow's mourning,
And thu orphan' liiltur team,
Child and mother hopeless corrow,
As thuy watched thu drunkard' lilur.
1 have mndo thu rich to tremble,
And tho poor ho poorer Mill ;
Made tho monarch wield his coplor
At tho bidding or my will.
I have brought thu living aorrow, -Hut
when came tho funeral knell,
Joy and gladness reigned HUproinely
Through tho lowest depths of hell.
Now I'm dying, Temperance, dying,
Thou hunt done thy work too well.
Farewell, friend and foe, forever,
llucclius too, a long farewell.
SilitH on tho 1'acilh. Coumi.
wltii which to muko her homo lively.
Just boyonil is a gcntlcmiui, on wlioso up
per lip is tho down which betrays his
youth, touching daintily with his foppish
cunou bouquotnf hot-house dowers intend,
ed for the fair one who has lately captivat
ed his heart. Just opposite tho flower
stand, the odor of cheese arises, and turn
ing, we see everything coming under this
head, from the foreign LimbiTgor to the
home-made Schmirkase. Next, a stand for
embroideries and fancy work, and while
we are wondering what will come next
our escort quickly steps ahead and out of
j the labyrinth and opens a door. Of course
; we pass through the door and llnd our
I selves in Iho daintiest and tiniest of res
taurants. As soon as wo have seated our
selves at one of the tiny tables and given
our orders for one of their famous "stews,"
tho gentlemanly proprietor brings us (for
tunately for this occasion we are ladies) a
i bouquet of sweet spring violets, and during
! the meal wc regale ourselves with the
' odor of Ilowcrs instead of the custom
ary ale or beer. Next is placed be
fore us a plate covered with an im
maculate napkin, and raising this you
start as you sec a plateful of the most hor
rible,and to tho uninitiated tho most fright
ful of eatables. These are the shrimps
which every Frisco lady says she loves
mid every gentleman declares are tho best
eating in the world. Then comes the fun
of teaching tho stranger the process of
breaking the shells. This is fun indeed,
and if the stranger bo a huly, she involun
tarily does all that is expected of her sex
in tho way of screams and starts, and at
Inst she drops tho ugly looking tilings in
great disgust. By the time this fun is over
your order is filled, and the oysters are
placed before you. Was anything ever
more delicious? We sit and eat and chat
as long as we feel inclined, and when we
have finished we pay the small price for
our dinner, and again go out into the
are full of people I Market, and through this to Montgomery
it is said (and tru-! St. Un this street we elbow our wav as
well as wo can.
Montgomery St. is as emphatically the
gents' street as Kearney Si- is tho ladies'.
On we go, staring in country style at the
buildings, tho show windows and the
crowd. After a low blocks of this slow
journey we find ourselves being steadily
drawn from the crowd, and begin to real
izo that in spite of our fears to the contra
ry, we have escaped with a little breath,
and stop before the Diamond Palace, of
which gorgeous establisnient J. 11. An
drews is the wealthy proprietor. Tho
window is fairly ablaze witli diamonds.
Mirrors arc placed at the back of the win
dow, by which means itjs made to appear
square instead of triangular. In each cor
ner is a slowly revolving globe, on which
are placed in graceful positions tho dia
monds most noted tor size, brilliancy or
selling. In the center of the window is
the largest diamond in California; it is
about the size of a nickel. All around
this magnificent centerpiece arc jeweled
watches and necklaces with prices most
fabulous. After gazing long at the win
dow, if you wish to purchase jewels, or
have a loiter of introduction to the firm,
you step insido and become lost in tho
beauties that surround you. Tho room is
lined with mirrors and when at last we
come to our senses wc are puzzled to tell
which of the man' reflections of ourself
is the real one. Our good escort comes to
our assistance, and wo regretfully loave
tho beautiful place and firmly resolvo to
visit it often. From this Palace we go to
another which is quito as noted as tills.
and about which I shall tell you in tho fu
turo Sauoy.
TUB LOCAL AT WORK AMONG OUK
EXCHANGES.
It is easier by far to tell of the wonder
ful and interesting sights which one sees
in San Francisco, or Frisco as it is called
by its inhabitants, than to describe the city
itself. It is hilly, and some of the streets
are seemingly inaccessible, for you look
upward until it seems as though the roofs
of the houses reached tho clouds. Some
of the street cars are run by steam up
streets which horses can not travel. Tho
houses are built entirely of wood; such a
thing as a brownstoue, or marble front is
unknown. But with all the irregularity
of the strcels, (and they are very irregular,)
it is almost impossible to lose one's self, for,
turn which way you will, the building of
the Court of Records faces you.
The rainy season is al last over,
and the streets
and dust. As
ly too) that people are in a better
humor after having eaten a hearty meal, I
will first take my friends to the grand Cal
ifomia Market, which is perhaps the larg
est establishment of the kind in the United
States. Starting down Kearney St, we
gaze with wonder at the great number of
ladies who are promenading the street,
and though there are many gentlemen,
they seem comparatively few. This is cm
phatically tho ladles' street, and every la
dy who can dress in tho latest and most
extravagant fashion is expected to be there
on all bright days. A poorly dressed per
son is rarely seen in tho city. As we pass
down the street tho taste for the beautiful
is fully satisfied in tho line display of
paintings and statuary, with which the
store windows are filled. Fortunately for
fiight-seers, this is a Cosmopolitan city,
and one may stand for hours, gazing
through the great windows without at
tracting any attention. As wo turn from
Kearney St. to California St. we fairly
stand still at the sight of tho moving mass
of black broadcloth and silk hats. Tho
noon Stock Board is in session and the
crowd is so densoly packed that it is al
most impossible to pass it. Proceeding a
short distance we ascend a few steps, and
are in the Market. At our right is an olo
gantly dressed lady ordering the most
costly vegetables for her dinner, and at
tho next stall is one less favored with
wealth buying a dime's worth of sausage
ior the hungry little ones at home. Far.
ther on is a young lady selecting birds
She asked him if her new dress wasn't
as sweet as a Spring rose, and thu brute
stiid it was, oven to Iho minor attraction of
I still h.iving a little duo on it. Ex.
Fresh : ''1 wonder why my mustache
doesn't grow under my nose ns well ns at
the corners of my mouth "
Soph: "Too much shade." (Cries of
more.) Ex.
"Talk aboul extravagance in dress of
women!" cries Martha Jane, oxultingly.
"What do you say to Tweed's six million
suit, I'd like to know I He isn't a woman,
I guess." -Ex.
".Man," says Victor Hugo, "was the
.conundrum of tho eighteenth century,
I woman is the conundrum of the nine
teenth century. Wo cant guess her but
we 'II never give her up no never!" Ex.
A long discussion between a young
j lady and gentleman of the town of S ,
as to which had the larger mouth, was
brought to a close by the gentleman, say.
ing: "Let's measure." Ex.
A Ruflalo man dreamed that he was
going over the Falls, and he had his wife
by the throat when he woke up. Next
night she had a dream, and broke his nose
as she was striking an Indian. Ex.
Tho skeptic, when he plunges into the
depths of infidelity, like tho miser who
'leaps from the shipwreck, will find that
the treasures which he bears about him
I will only sink him the deeper in the abyss
! Ex.
As a Fresh, and his girl were walking
down town the other day, they saw a horse
I slip and fall down in the street. The
young lady threw up her hands and ut
itcred tho following "little, tender, dolorous
cry:" O, murder, that horse has fainted!"
I Ex.
An attorney read n petition in court
i from ii man up country who slated that he
'had ordered a curtain grade of whisky
J and had received un inferior article,
.whereby he had been damaged. Judge
j Pershing remarked that it was more like-
ly rue petitioner's customers had been
damaged by the bad whisky. Ex.
When a young man calls on a girl for
the first time, and when the conversation
lags, and the subject of the weather has
been torn all to pieces, then it is that the
photograph albums step in and fill up the
gap that nothing else in the world could
bridge.?!.
"What can you say of the second law
of thought?" Student "It can not both
be and not be. For examplo, the door
over there must bo either shut or open ; it
can't be both shut and opan." Tutor
"Give us another illustration." Student
"Well, take the case of another door." Ex.
Gentleman on comer of St. Paul and
j Main streets last night. Two Froshmen
'swonring at each othor ns though they
j were Phil. Sheridan in danger of getting
whipped. "Now, now," says gentleman,
kindly, "you mustn't use such dreadful
language. It's horrible to hoar it" (slips
upon pavement and comes down with
a crash and an oath), "though I suppose it
is excusable on some occasions, condemn
It." A'.
We commend the following to two or
three of our Sophs. Bolter oven than the
best 8al vol Try the plan for raising a
mustache recommended to one of our
Seniors by a lady friend: "Salt well i,10
upper lip, then holding u cup of water nn.
detnerlh, catclt the lilllo fellows as they
come out to drink." Ex.
"HOW DOTH TltlC IiITTI.K IltJSY IIKK"
In broken China:
How? Sic belly small chin-chin sting bug
Ini-lm implovo ebly sllxty niinnlt all a
time.
Go, plckeo up stlng-btig juice all a day,
All kin' places Monti llowels jest got
busted. Ex.
"There, Philip, tho baby 's awake,"
remarked Mrs. Sheridan, the other night,
"wont you get up nnd walk with her
awhile" Tho hero of Five Forks and,
the Shenandoah singing "Rock n bye ba
by," and pacing the bedroom lloor at two
A. M. with regular twenty-eight Inch step,
and ten pounds of infant in his soldierly
embrace, Is a spectacle calculated to give
a tour to the service, and to send Susan U.
Anthony into hysterics of delight. Ex.
! The following description of Washing
j ton's personal appearance, written in 1778,
says an English newspaper, "by a native
, of America," contains some points not
i generally known:
'Gen. Washington is now in tho 47th
year of his age. He is a tall, well-made
man, rather large, and has a tolerably gen
teel address. His features are manly nnd
bold; his eyes of a bluish cast ni.d lively;
his hair a deep brown; his face rather
long, nnd marked with the small-pox; his
complexion sunburned and without much
color, and his countenance sensible, com
posed, nnd thoughtful. There is n remark
able air of dignity about him, with a strik
ing degree of gracefulness; he has an ex
ccllcnt understanding, without much
quickness; is strictly just, vigilant and
generous: an affectionate husband, a faith
ful friend, a father to the deserving sol
dier, a gentleman in his manners, in tem
per rather reserved; a total stranger to re
ligious prejudices which have so oflonex
cited Christians of one denomination to
cut the throats of those of another, in his
i morals irreproachable; he was never
j known to exceed the bounds of thu most
i rigid temperance." Ex.
' Prof. In this life when one man does
wrong we all sutler for it. If a student
should do wrong and an account of it get
in the papers we should all stiller. That
will not be so in the future life.
Student Because the newspaper man
wont be there. Targnm.
The following is said to bo a copy of
Prof. Ty nil nil's proposal to the daughter
of Lord Hamilton:
Bacharlne conglomeration of proto
plasm I Adorable combination of matter
nnd force! Barest product of Infinite nges
of evolution! the luminiferous ether Is
not more responsive to the rays of light
than are my nerve centres to the mystic
influence which omiuatus from tho photo
sphoro of thy countenance. As the helio
centric system was evolved from prhnor.
dlnl chnos by the workings of inexorablo
law, so is that rarifaction of matter which
men call my soul lifted fiom profound de
spair by the luminance Issuing from thy
visual organs. Deign, O, ndmirablc crea
ture, U respect that attraction which draws
me toward thee u ith a force Inversely pro
portional to the squares of tho dlstancp.
Grant that wo shall be made double sums,
describing concentric orbits, which shall
touch each other at all points of their
peripherieo. Your own, Tyndam..
"f.m
