9WH9I
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8
THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
I
Minutes or (ho Senior Class
inouting'. On tho evening of November 9, the
Senior Class assembled at their favorite
rendezvous, tho Ultli! Mar chamber, for the
purpose of cHoctlng u permanent organ!,
yjvtion, with sundry uml peculiar objects
in vlow, which will appear from these
minutes. Tho following members wore
i resent:
Minerva Atcithi, a Latin Scientific, Keg.
Inn llognn.
Nestor Clarontlus, u Classic.
Johannes Aichitnido, ii Scientific, with
mathematical proelivitlc, Chaplain.
GorguiH Livius, a Classic and versatile
kH., Recording Secretary.
After Johannes, the chaplain, had uttered
.tip a ferveni invocation, on tho motion of
Nestor, Minerva Aleiliu was unanimously
.looted presiding officer, with tho title
Rogina Itognn. Gorgias Livius waa also
elected .secretary.
Gorgias then begged pel mission to pre
sent the diafi ol a league- of fellowship,
, setting fntli Hie "bji'ot of the orgnnizalion.
Leave laing obt lined. Gorgias read:
"Musi reverend senioiB, you, our fair sis
,tcr and illustrious brothes, greeting:
Wlieieas we lrivc recently taken upon
ourselves the dignities of our ancient fra
ternity, and since in unity there a strength,
nil whereas it befits us to resist all ag
.fcicfchiun upon our rights, and to proteci
ourselves from the scoff.-, and gibe, which
(he savage horde of ju iors, sophs and
other underlings may put upon us; there,
foic wc do bind ourselves together in sol
f nut compact, for these objects, namely:
to promote our general welfaie, to resist
external aggicssion, to quell internal dis.
elision, and to punish all iUTuiqucncic-i
and dUoicpnncio in our own body, and
otherwise devise means for Kustalniiig our
dignity 1"
This resolution was finally adopted as
read, although Clnruititis and Johannes
seemed quite unwilling to surrender their
individual suvenignty, in trust, to the so
oicty. This fear may have been prompted
by the dread of punishment for past do.
liiiqucncictt, as Ihu .sequel will show.
Tho organization thus being completed,
Ihc Kegina Mnilingly declared that tho
class.meeliiig was open for the relation of
experiences, and tho 'rnnmicliou of nooes
miry business. Thoicupon Nestor arose
and iiitimalcd lliat ho had it very painful
duty to pcrfoim; in fact, ho had a very
ucrious charge to inako against a brother.
It appealed from his statement, that Jo
hannes Arclilmides, during the late sum.
iner vacation, had been guilty of an am
orous escapade with a certain grangci
damsel In truth, ho had become hopeless,
ly entangled in tho meshes of her charms.
Clarcntius was of the opinion that it was
a violation of class dignity, for a senior
thus to stoop to one benenth his sphere,
and that the crime could on!) be expiated
by severe penally. The Heirinn having
sternly demanded of tho culprit, i bother
ho pleadtd guilty or not guilty, Johannes
sheepishly arose and amidst a profusion
of blushes and stammers acknowledged
tho Hofl impeachment; but, in characteris
tic language, asked mercy, on tho plea
that, ''She was a perfect polygon of beau
ty,aparallelopipedonof accomplishments,
rand of most rhoniboidal virtue.,, Bui tho
unrelenting Alcitla immediately sontenctd
him to a (Hot of garlic and beau poi ridge
and to wear marrowfat peas in his boots
for a week. Johannes begged a mitigation
-of the punishment, because ho said," I did
not do any damage the jado jilted mc."
The merciless Minerva remained unmoved,
and, with the vindlctlvcncssof Juno, com
nuindod tho culprit to kneel at her feet,
which ho did, This feat ho rattier seemed
to enjoy, though a picture of humiliation.
Minerva, then, in a voice, cold as tho flat
of fate, tints addressed him: "Johannes
Archimedes, erring brother, thy conduct
hath pained and surprised us. Ho who is
enthralled and fallcth through the inllu.
once of external beauty merely, is pitta
ble but not beyond the pale of hope and
mercy. But did your offence stop hero?
No I you not only fell but failed. Gieat
Heavens, a senior jilted by a granger
milkmaid 1 Sir, to stoop to such game is
most ignoble, but to fail and lone the game
is contemptible I Thcrefbic leceive our
sovereign displeasure; go hence to-night
and for a month expiate thy crime in soli
tude with penitence and supplication, thy
loins gird with sackcloth, a loops cap up
on thy head, and lei thy dunk bo hash
house tea, and thy meat Limberger cheese.
Arise!" Tho fraternity was a little siir
prhed at the severity of the Uogina. Ciar
entius even whispered in the ear of Gor
gias, that he believed that jealousy at
Johannes flirtation, had made a very Juno
of our Minerva; this idea, however, Gor
ging scouted in derision.
Gorgias hero arose and preferred a
double charge against Nestor: First, lie
had been guilty of most numerous and
miscellaneous flrtations; that not a flow,
or, even tho modest ' Daisy," could bloom
upon our desert here, but he mint prema
turely pick It; secondly, that to wear
lluun'ing brunette chiuuurb, whereas the
oilier three members t' the class cannot,
is a mark of disrespect, therefore thoy
should oil.
Minerva decided that tlio first charge
was valid, and t lint the penalty should bo
rigid celibacy for a week. But, as to the
second charge, she said she really did like
a nice set o limnetic. chinuorsupon a man;
that to her a beau without whiskers
or a mustache, was like cold ham without
catchup. Thcicforo the chaige, prompted
as she supposed by the jealousy of the
caiiiicd.strii berry-iniistached blonde, was
malicious and illegal.
Gorgias then staled tiial he had ficquonl
ly of late been mistaken by some of the
new Freshes for a Prep, and therefore ho
thought steps should he taken to prevent
biich abturd bluudeisin future; huncu lie
moved that tlio following class badge be
adopted, and worn in borne conspicuous
place: Jlioc.nl senior; diywm ct honor
tints. Johannes moved to amend, by al
lowing him, as a Scientific, to have his
motto translated Into Gorman Dionor iat
ein toiler Aolfaie; or iHtmhraiamltch wuer
dill vtwi, briijimh!" The motion and tho
amendment wore unanimously adopted.
All hands then joined In singing the
usual doxology, tlio ohiiplain, Johauiios,
lining the stanzas.
THK HltNIUItH' DOXOfVotlY.
Lot Hoplt and frwili hijiI furtive nron
Anil hoUmiiii Junior too,
Dig up Uruok nml I.at'n roots,
An i tire thu iltli Imtli dny ami night,
To drudge thulr lesson through:
Hat oar work le o'or -were seniors now.
For wo will Imvo oar llttlo run,
And weofl ut toll mid troablu:
Then l'ii guy and festive still
And lot who wunl to, grnmblol
OlIOllUH.
O, we're n bund or fostlvo brothers,
O, we're it band of foHllvo brothora,
And a joll-t Hlntorn too.
Wo'vo bid farewell to Julius,
And Homer, Clc, niulTftC.
Pinto nml father iKschylus,
Demosthenes uad Xonohon,
Wo'vo Inlii Ilium on thu nuk:
For with thuso we're doiui we're seniors ndw.
And wo will lmvo our llttlo fan,
And tii banish cere we'll vow:
We'll rmuhla, dunce, unit lmigh mid flirt,
And let dull study unit
OlIHItUS.
O, we're n bund of festive brother,
O. we're ii bund of festlfo brothcrp,
And ii Joll-1 slstern too.
Wo'vo gurgled Dtultthn nnd jiatlrz.voused,
And stalled ourselves with physics,
Loomls nnd stafi of tike nniiic,
Wo'e Ian led them for euchre,
Which Is ii prutliur gumo:
And we'll nil tuko n lmnd we're eonlorn now.
For we will Imvo our little fun,
And we'll niiiku n hnppy row:
Fill up thu gliiss, boys, till up Die glnes, girl,
While thu giddy moments run I
CI0IUI
O, wo'ru a bnnil of festive brothers,
0, we're u blind of festive biothers,
And ajoll-i slHtern too.
But wo'vo ronped n lltt'i knowledge,
We've onduied u little toll.
We lmvo pained ondunrlng friendships,
And we've drunk delightful plaiisiiruti
While tlllli" wisdom's toll:
And we'll not forget these Joys, though Bcnlors
now.
For life's wnr's before uu
And thu buttle we must bide,
Though si 111 true mid tender,
Mow we'll let our trouble slide.
ClIllllUH.
Jotaniic: O, we're n bund of fostlo brothers,
Gorrjla: 0, we're u bnnd of festhu brotherB,
Senior: 0. we're u lmnd of lestho brothers,
Alcltlu: And u Joll-1 slsiorn toot
After the hist touching strain of the an.
them had died away, the Ilcglna declared
the meeting adjounud to tho Mb of Do.
ceiuber. Minkiiva Ai.uitia,
Gokoias Livius, Hegina liegna.
Secretary.
THE LOCAL AT W01UC AMONG OUR
KXOIIANGES.
Thoro iirulKiU Colleges in lite United
States.
A University costing $750,000 is to be
built at London by tho Jews.
"Ho queer," said a little girl whose
mother was a blooming and rather fast
young widow, "so queer keep having
uirlh-dajs always just six years old I "
An examination paper in chemistry
has tho following: Sulphur has been
known from remote antiquity, and will
probably continue to bo known through
out eternity. Uniocnity Herald.
Tlio heat had a peculiar effect on that
student, wiio returning home Into on the
the night of the Fourth, carefully locked
tho door, but found the next morning that
he had forgotten to shut It first. lierke-
I'yan.
A bashful young clergyman, recently
rising to preach for the first time, made a
terrible mix of it, announced his text in
this wise: "And immediately tho cock
wept, and Peter wont out and crow bit
0fy."Tntlitute. ' Onlamitcs' is what the Professor want
ed tlio class to answer when ho asked for
the tribe that flourished in the paleozoic
and mesozoic ages, but Mr. II. sang out
"Qampbollitos," which by tho way beats
oven Hay on "church susossIol." Dam'
on Collegian.
And now one of our irrepressible Ju
niors translates:
" Achl lebtest du noch, da Hchono Mnldl
Ich vurdo dlch llobeu von d!oncr Zeltl "
"jhl wert thou living still, thou beiiuteous
maid,
I might have loved thee by this timet "
Denison Collegian.
During tho recent revival In Coll j
a Sophomore informed his chum of tho
conversion of a mutual friend, whereupon
the considerate young man exclaimed;
"By jolly, I am glad of that, for now I
can sell him my Ilible." Dickinsonian.
A good deacon making an olllelal visit
to a dying neighoor, who was a very clittr.
lish and universally unpopular mui, puj
tho usual question, "Arc you willing togo
my friend v" " O.yes," said the sick mmi'
" I am." " Well," said the simple minded
deacon, " I am giad that you tire, for all
tlio neighbors are willing." Ex.
A wicked Soph took his lamp chim
ney to a Professor and asked for an expla
nation of a ring which had formed about
four inches from tho upper end. The Pro
fessor gave an hour's explanation about
tlio effect of the flame on tho Inside nnd
tlio temperature of the air on the outside,
etc., etc. Tho Soph said no, he was mere
ly cleaning the chimney and his finger
would not reach any further, hence the
ring was the division lino between the
clean part and the dirty. Ex.
A Chicago parson, who is also a
teacher, handed a problem to his class In
mathematics, the other day. First boj
took it, looked at it awhile, and said: "I
pass." Second boy look it, and said: "I
turn it. down." The thitd buy stared at
it awhile, and drawled out "I can't niako
it." " Very good, boys," said tlio parson,
" we will proceed to cut for a new deal";
and, with this remark, the leather strap
danced like lightning over the shoulders
of those deptaved young niathcninticiims.
iSx.
A ragged, forlorn-looking boy was
strolling around a railroad depol, smoking
the stub of a cigar, when a philanthropist
in waiting for a train handidout ten cents,
and remarked: "Take it, bub; Ifcilsotry
for you."
'No yer don't!" exclaimed tho boy,
drawing back.
" Why, it's a free gift; I don't ask any
tiling for it," replied tho man.
"I know you," continued tho boy, his
eyes twinkling , " , oil want me to promise
to grow up and become President, and I
ain't going to tio myfcelf up for any man's
ten cents I "
Dickens lias a scene in tlio celebrated
trial of Uardell vh. Pickwick which amus
ingly illuatrates tltc interchangeable use
of v and to among tlio uneducated of
England. Mr. Stun Weller is called to
the witness htnnd, where tho following
colloquy occurs:
" What's your name, sir?" inquired tho
judge.
"Sam Weller, my lord," replied Hint
gentleman.
"Do you t-poll it with a For a IKr" In
quired the judge.
"That depends upon tho tasto and fancy
of the speller, my lotd," replied Sam. "I
nuvor had occasion to spell it more than
onoo or twice in my life, but I spells it
with a W."
Hero a voice in tlio gallery exclaimed
aloud: "Quite rigid, too, Samivel; quito
right. Put it down with a wo, my lord;
put it down with a ve."
The voice of tno elder Weller, issuing
from tlio gallery like the benediction of
an approving angel, einbalma in its ex
pression a simplo philological fact, nanip
ly, that traces of ancient usage growu ob
solete among the cultivated, may often bo
found preserved umong tho ignorant.
Ex.
IP'BBlfrwiriiiiiiiiij
